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You are here: Home / Here’s One Dick That Needs to be Covered Up

Here’s One Dick That Needs to be Covered Up

by John Cole|  April 5, 20136:17 pm| 82 Comments

This post is in: Assholes

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Howie_Mandel_with_glove_over_head

It just never stops with these guys:

The lead scientist of a federally funded condom research study is firing back at Fox News commentator Sean Hannity and other conservatives after they charged that the $423,000 project was wasteful spending.

“I would tell Sean, if you look at the number of people who are affected by sexually transmitted diseases, HIV and unwanted pregnancies — there’s clearly a need for prevention intervention programs to be developed further and we need research like this to address problems that impact people’s health,” Erick Janssen, a senior scientist on an Indiana University study about condoms, told POLITICO.

“This is not a study for how to put on a condom,” he added. This is also not about why people might not like condoms. Everybody knows why people don’t like condoms. It’s more complicated than that.”

On Thursday Hannity joked about the study on his Fox News program and it was also noted by The Weekly Standard.

“Did you know that your paycheck was hit in order to fund a study on how to use condoms correctly? I don’t make this up. In Indiana University, they received that money as part of a stimulus grant and it cost you over $423,000,” Hannity said. “Oh, and surprisingly, it created zero jobs.”

Sounds like this guy needs a countertop inspection.

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Reader Interactions

82Comments

  1. 1.

    Groucho48

    April 5, 2013 at 6:24 pm

    Wonder how many abortions a year are due to improper use of condoms?

  2. 2.

    Zifnab25

    April 5, 2013 at 6:24 pm

    All spending is wasteful spending. Unless its being spent on me. Then it is mine by right.

  3. 3.

    WereBear

    April 5, 2013 at 6:24 pm

    Har de har, basic science is such a waste of money!

    Don’t be needing any medical attention, Hannity… or use a smart phone… or make a living on television… or anything like that!

  4. 4.

    Fluke bucket

    April 5, 2013 at 6:29 pm

    I heard Hannity say that Obama got Osama using the plan designed by the Bush team. Hannity is weird in a Sandusky kind of way. He is a cold kind of evil.

  5. 5.

    Yutsano

    April 5, 2013 at 6:30 pm

    Hannity is a married Cathiolic. Last time I checked he didn’t have 20 kids. Y U HATE JEEBUS HANNITY??

  6. 6.

    bemused

    April 5, 2013 at 6:35 pm

    $423,000 for a 3 year study involving 10 researchers to find out how condoms can be made more effective sounds like money well spent to me.

  7. 7.

    Alison

    April 5, 2013 at 6:35 pm

    Christ, what an asshole.

  8. 8.

    Baud

    April 5, 2013 at 6:37 pm

    What an offensive use of taxpayer dollars. That’s money that could have been used for volcano monitoring.

  9. 9.

    beltane

    April 5, 2013 at 6:38 pm

    Well, if Mr. Hannity, Sr. knew how to use a condom correctly, we wouldn’t have to be subjected to the “thoughts” of his little mistake today.

  10. 10.

    Evolving Deep Southerner

    April 5, 2013 at 6:38 pm

    @Yutsano: He could just be shooting blanks.

  11. 11.

    Liquid

    April 5, 2013 at 6:39 pm

    Sheep Intestines Libel?

  12. 12.

    beltane

    April 5, 2013 at 6:39 pm

    @Yutsano: Do not judge. Perhaps the Hannitys chose to enjoy the pleasures of a chaste marriage whatever such pleasures these may be.

  13. 13.

    Amir Khalid

    April 5, 2013 at 6:42 pm

    @bemused:
    Gasp! Don’t you know that making c*nd*ms more effective encourages Teh FOUR-KNEE-KAY-SHUN?

  14. 14.

    Roger Moore

    April 5, 2013 at 6:47 pm

    @beltane:

    Perhaps the Hannitys chose to enjoy the pleasures of a chaste marriage whatever such pleasures these may be.

    Perhaps Mrs. Hannity chose a chaste marriage rather than the displeasure of intercourse with Mr. Hannity. It would be irresponsible not to speculate.

  15. 15.

    Scott S.

    April 5, 2013 at 6:53 pm

    Ebert dies. Carmine Infantino dies. Hannity, Limbaugh, Cheney live on and on and on and on.

    If there’s a god, he’s a piss-poor one.

  16. 16.

    Baud

    April 5, 2013 at 6:54 pm

    While Hannity is a dick, I hate this response (in any context):

    It’s more complicated than that.

  17. 17.

    muddy

    April 5, 2013 at 6:54 pm

    If I were stuck with him it would certainly be my choice.

  18. 18.

    Roger Moore

    April 5, 2013 at 6:54 pm

    @Scott S.:

    Hannity, Limbaugh, Cheney live on and on and on and on.

    Are you sure Cheney is alive and not undead?

  19. 19.

    Bubblegum Tate

    April 5, 2013 at 6:55 pm

    @Fluke bucket:

    Hannity is weird in a Sandusky kind of way. He is a cold kind of evil.

    Nah, he’s just incurious and obedient. He says what he’s told to say, and he gives not a moment’s thought to it.

  20. 20.

    Just Some Fuckhead

    April 5, 2013 at 6:55 pm

    Sometimes the crazy shit that comes out of Hannity’s syphilitic brain can be ironic.

  21. 21.

    Comrade Jake

    April 5, 2013 at 6:56 pm

    Hannity is a royal prick, so this fits.

  22. 22.

    Yutsano

    April 5, 2013 at 6:56 pm

    @efgoldman: The positions close today, but I’m a primo piece of filet in a pit bull breeding farm. I might get snapped up really fast. I might get my choice of location too.

    @beltane: Maybe Sean goes with Rush on his Dominican rentboy junkets. It would be irresponsible not to speculate. And stuff.

  23. 23.

    Baud

    April 5, 2013 at 6:59 pm

    @Yutsano:

    Sweet.

  24. 24.

    bemused

    April 5, 2013 at 6:59 pm

    @Amir Khalid:

    If Hannity or the other scoffers ever had a problem with a condom, the size of their paychecks causes amnesia.

  25. 25.

    David Koch

    April 5, 2013 at 7:07 pm

    I could never figure out how Howie Mandel became so popular in the 80s with the rubber glove over his head thingy.

  26. 26.

    Odie Hugh Manatee

    April 5, 2013 at 7:10 pm

    I heard that Hannity once tried one of those boner pills to see if it would improve his performance.

    He decided that freezing his whole body for four hours wasn’t helping him.

  27. 27.

    j

    April 5, 2013 at 7:11 pm

    Hey, Swine Hannity.

    Put a plastic bag over your head and be the dick you truly are.

  28. 28.

    Evolving Deep Southerner

    April 5, 2013 at 7:11 pm

    @David Koch: It was, if I recall, the same period when Gallagher was popular. The eighties are one of those time periods where all of us who were alive at the time need to agree to just never speak of it again.

  29. 29.

    Baud

    April 5, 2013 at 7:13 pm

    @David Koch:

    Steve Martin’s shtick was an arrow through the head.

  30. 30.

    Evolving Deep Southerner

    April 5, 2013 at 7:14 pm

    @Baud: Far more clever than smashing watermelons with a wooden mallet.

  31. 31.

    El Cid

    April 5, 2013 at 7:16 pm

    Well, the first thing we need to do is pass a law that these scientists can’t use the term “vagina” when talking about the womenfolk’s funny business, because that would be completely impure.

  32. 32.

    j

    April 5, 2013 at 7:19 pm

    @Roger Moore: Perhaps Mrs. Hannity was raped by her husband, and that led to Swine being born.

    Ergo, the whipping with the belt.

    http://videocafe.crooksandliars.com/heather/stewart-hannity-seems-show-guy-who-was-hit

    So, Swine is the mistake that is getting even with the world?

    Hey, it’s out there.

    (And also irresponsible to NOT speculate, as had been said earlier.)

  33. 33.

    Eric U.

    April 5, 2013 at 7:19 pm

    I would hate to have to defend my research under those conditions. If it’s easy to defend with a soundbite, it’s probably bullshit.

  34. 34.

    jl

    April 5, 2013 at 7:20 pm

    @El Cid: And use the number 3 for pi in all their calculations. I read someplace that the Bible says that pi equals 3 in the Old Testament in instructions for making some bowl or other for holy stuff.

    Anything but 3 is godless. And God will punish this Judeo-Christian nation if it allows godless infidel scientists to do whatever nonsense they want.

  35. 35.

    Hill Dweller

    April 5, 2013 at 7:23 pm

    OT: Is Chris Hayes’ new nightly show already circling the drain? He is now trailing CNN, Fox, and HLN(Nancy Grace) in the 25-54 demo ratings.

    Hayes’ horrible lead-in has also hurt Maddow’s ratings. Her show is MSNBC’s crown jewel. They’ll move mountains to protect it.

    If Maddow’s ratings continue to fall, I suspect they’ll make some changes to Hayes’ show. If that doesn’t work, Hayes could be gone.

  36. 36.

    Scott S.

    April 5, 2013 at 7:24 pm

    @Roger Moore: Undead and functional counts as alive, right? One *kills* Dracula with a stake to the heart; one *kills* zombies with a bullet in the brainpan…

  37. 37.

    El Cid

    April 5, 2013 at 7:24 pm

    @jl: Well, I wouldn’t want to be an extremist. An occasional use of a decimal, perhaps up to three, could be necessary, but only a gubmit byurokrap would want an infinitely non-repeating series, probly so they could just sit around all day collecting that big sweet gubmit cash while they just write down another decimal digit every few hours. Hmmmph.

  38. 38.

    Joel

    April 5, 2013 at 7:25 pm

    These fuckfaces are really ramping up their war on science. Well, fuck them.

    After Patricia Brennan took to Slate to defend her research, Fox News deleted an older story that praised her exact studies! But nothing is gone on the internet.

  39. 39.

    jl

    April 5, 2013 at 7:29 pm

    @El Cid:

    Well, buddy, I’ll be in the delightful heavenly clouds laughing at you godless heathen burnin’ like a bug on a hot rock down in hell, buddy.

    Decimals are the road to damnation.

    A true Judeo-Christian patriarch leader man would use 3, and if that don’t work, beat whatever it is until it minds, does as its told and follows the way of the LORD.

  40. 40.

    The prophet Nostradumbass

    April 5, 2013 at 7:31 pm

    @Hill Dweller: it’s been on for less than a week.

  41. 41.

    Baud

    April 5, 2013 at 7:32 pm

    @Hill Dweller:

    His weekend show is better. He talks to fast as it is, but I think he feels the need to talk even faster with the one hour format.

  42. 42.

    quannlace

    April 5, 2013 at 7:35 pm

    Hannity is weird in a Sandusky kind of way. He is a cold kind of evil.

    I don’t even give him that much credit. The man is just a perfect shill/tool. Whatever the Fox News meme is for the day, just wind him up and he’ll regurgitate, without the trouble of a single thought.

  43. 43.

    Eric U.

    April 5, 2013 at 7:35 pm

    @jl: the laws that say pi is three are similar to laws that say a dozen is 13. In any situation where you have to use pi to estimate something, 3 is the best number to use for the consumer. One easy example: how much rope is on a spool. It’s amazing how well it works for estimating, using 3.14 is basically pointless.

    Listening to hannity on the radio is excruciating. He sounds like he has be emasculated with a rusty knife. I can’t believe he actually made it on radio, it’s painful. Almost as bad as listening to Rush “dead air” Limbaugh. When I’m listening to limbaugh I just want him to say something instead of all that drug-induced silence. “Say something!!!”

  44. 44.

    Hill Dweller

    April 5, 2013 at 7:36 pm

    @The prophet Nostradumbass: I realize that, but Hayes’ ratings have become worse with each passing night. He is now trailing crazy Nancy Grace.

    If his show continues to hurt Maddow’s rating, they’ll dump Hayes in a hurry. Again, Maddow’s show is MSNBC’s crown jewel.

  45. 45.

    Litlebritdifrnt

    April 5, 2013 at 7:39 pm

    @Hill Dweller: How are his ratings compared to Ed’s?

  46. 46.

    gnomedad

    April 5, 2013 at 7:44 pm

    Geez, Cole, you couldn’t find a photo with an actual condom?

  47. 47.

    Hill Dweller

    April 5, 2013 at 7:50 pm

    @Litlebritdifrnt: His Wednesday ratings were approximately 26% lower than Ed’s average March ratings. Thursday’s ratings were worse.

  48. 48.

    Xecky Gilchrist

    April 5, 2013 at 8:04 pm

    $423,000 would definitely be better spent funding 3 milliseconds of the Iraq invasion.

    (math may not be accurate but the scale is about right.)

  49. 49.

    Poopyman

    April 5, 2013 at 8:12 pm

    @Hill Dweller: I just now had to turn it off, because that panel is useless.

  50. 50.

    Mr Stagger Lee

    April 5, 2013 at 8:13 pm

    @Hill Dweller: Maybe they need to bring back Keith Olbermann.
    BAWHAHAHAHAHA
    Maybe Cenk Ungar hey why not Sam Seder?

  51. 51.

    Mr Stagger Lee

    April 5, 2013 at 8:16 pm

    @Eric U.: At one time when Rush was in the middle of his drug addiction crisis, there was a plan to dump Limpballs with the Baby Jesus (as Mike Malloy calls him.)As the #1 talker, that was before the rise of Glenn Beck.

  52. 52.

    dance around in your bones

    April 5, 2013 at 8:19 pm

    Jeez, give Chris Hayes a chance – not every show is a greyhound out of the gate. I like what I’ve been seeing so far.

    Far preferable than giving Hannity any gawdamn attention. THAT guy is such a clueless dick, no wonder he doesn’t know how to use a condom, or objects to studies about them. What a prick.

    No offense to any pricks or dick owners out there. I actually like them :)

  53. 53.

    jl

    April 5, 2013 at 8:20 pm

    @gnomedad:

    ” Geez, Cole, you couldn’t find a photo with an actual condom? ”

    And how, dear sir, would you know of Cole’s detailed requirements for a condom?

    Cole himself has admitted some of his ‘specs’ are unusual.

  54. 54.

    chopper

    April 5, 2013 at 8:21 pm

    oh noes! less than a hundred thousandth of a percent of the federal budget was spent on a study regarding the proper use of contraception!

    jesus, that’s like me complaining that i paid an extra nickle for my prescription.

  55. 55.

    22over7

    April 5, 2013 at 8:21 pm

    @Eric U.:

    You guys are actually debating the usefulness of pi tonight?

  56. 56.

    Cassidy

    April 5, 2013 at 8:22 pm

    OT- The main card for Invicta FC 5 is starting soon.

  57. 57.

    jl

    April 5, 2013 at 8:24 pm

    @22over7: I was just joking around about the reactionary attitudes toward science. I guess I forgot the /snark tag.

  58. 58.

    Lurking Canadian

    April 5, 2013 at 8:29 pm

    @chopper: Actually, significantly nitpickier than that. It’s like you complaining about the value of the lint from your pocket that was stuck to the nickel.

  59. 59.

    22over7

    April 5, 2013 at 8:29 pm

    @jl:

    No worries. After the Indiana legislature tried to pass a law mandating that pi was in fact just three, nothing surprises me anymore.

  60. 60.

    gnomedad

    April 5, 2013 at 8:32 pm

    @jl:

    Cole himself has admitted some of his ‘specs’ are unusual.

    Ah, perhaps he’s a Centauri.

  61. 61.

    El Cid

    April 5, 2013 at 8:32 pm

    @22over7: No, we’re debating the humorousness of jokes regarding various conservative anti-intellectual tropes, one of which has historically been an opposition to numbers they felt were suspiciously unnatural.

  62. 62.

    Yutsano

    April 5, 2013 at 8:33 pm

    @efgoldman: Around the country. One of the options is in ByGawd West Virginny! But from what I understand it’s right next to Wheeling.

    Another option is Albany. Which since the NYD is now a Yalie has its benefits.

  63. 63.

    Baud

    April 5, 2013 at 8:36 pm

    @22over7:

    On this blog, it makes more sense to debate the usefulness of pie.

  64. 64.

    Baud

    April 5, 2013 at 8:36 pm

    @22over7:

    On this blog, it makes more sense to debate the usefulness of pie.

  65. 65.

    22over7

    April 5, 2013 at 8:38 pm

    @Baud:

    But there’s no debate there. Pie is a universal good.

  66. 66.

    NonyNony

    April 5, 2013 at 8:42 pm

    @Scott S.:

    Ebert dies. Carmine Infantino dies. Hannity, Limbaugh, Cheney live on and on and on and on. If there’s a god, he’s a piss-poor one.

    I think it’s more like if there is a god, he hates humanity.

    Perhaps Lovecraft was right all along.

  67. 67.

    Yutsano

    April 5, 2013 at 8:43 pm

    @Baud: I LIKE PI/PIE!!

  68. 68.

    Baud

    April 5, 2013 at 8:44 pm

    @22over7:

    And thus the Republicans will try to destroy it.

    @efgoldman:

    I think that’s debatable.

  69. 69.

    Baud

    April 5, 2013 at 8:50 pm

    @Yutsano:

    You want your mind blown? The circumference of a PIE is PI times the length of the side of a slice of PIE.

  70. 70.

    22over7

    April 5, 2013 at 8:51 pm

    I’m sorry, what were we talking about? Oh, yeah, Hannity. Maybe we should send him some pie.

    I’m thinking seriously about getting drunk tonight.

  71. 71.

    jl

    April 5, 2013 at 8:51 pm

    @gnomedad:

    Thanks for info. I did not know about the Babylon 5 Centauri.

    Sounds cool. But I’ll pass, since having to get to ‘sixth base’ to ‘go all the way’ sounds like kind of downer.

  72. 72.

    David Koch

    April 5, 2013 at 8:54 pm

    @Hill Dweller:

    Is Chris Hayes’ new nightly show already circling the drain? He is now trailing CNN, Fox, and HLN(Nancy Grace) in the 25-54 demo ratings.

    I saw that. They’ll give him a couple of weeks to see if he can turn it around and if not they’ll revamp the show, but when you lose an audience it’s hard to get it back, so they may have to just replace him altogether (they’ll probably put Lawrence back at 8PM to stem the bleeding and then develop someone new (Ari Melber/Krystal Ball would be good) in the 10 PM slot).

    I appreciate what he was trying to do, but weekend audiences are completely different than weeknight viewers. We’re a short attention span society, and we’re not going back to the David Suskind/Dick Cavett slow-long panel shows.

  73. 73.

    MikeJ

    April 5, 2013 at 8:55 pm

    @Eric U.:

    When I’m listening to limbaugh I just want him to say something instead of all that drug-induced silence. “Say something!!!”

    I had a job at a radio station where I flipped over to the network feed and then played the local spots during Rush. His show isn’t timed like a news show, so breaks can come any time. You have to listen for the bong. So I’d keep the monitors turned low, just sort of murmuring along. It would suck when the network was feeding dead air because I would always panic and assume I’d missed something, and of course I hadn’t. The network feeds their own spots or PSA so even if you miss a break you don’t get dead air from the network. The only time you ever do is when the host is an amateur.

    Anyway, those long pauses totally blew the rhythm of my crossword puzzles.

  74. 74.

    Redshirt

    April 5, 2013 at 9:42 pm

    If you want to make pi from scratch, first create the Universe.

  75. 75.

    WA_Dave

    April 5, 2013 at 10:27 pm

    @Baud: The circumference would be Pi times twice the length of the slice of the pie.

    Unless your slice is one-half the pie.

    Just saying.

  76. 76.

    Baud

    April 5, 2013 at 10:28 pm

    @WA_Dave:

    D’oh.

    Unless your slice is one-half the pie.

    Actually, that works.

  77. 77.

    mclaren

    April 5, 2013 at 10:50 pm

    America’s teen birthrate is at a ten-year low — and still dropping. Research on condoms (how to make ’em easier to use, less prone to break, etc.) has a lot to do with that.

    So as usual, Hannity is just plain wrong. Flatly wrong. Completely wrong. 100% wrong. There are significant tangible benefits to condom research: lower teen pregnancy rates, meaning fewer women in poverty because teen pregnancy strongly correlates with women dropping out of the job markets, and single-parent mothers make up the bulk of the lowest-income quintile in America.

    If Hannity doesn’t like condom research, then he’s in favor of teen pregnancy, more poverty among women, more out-of-wedlock births.

  78. 78.

    penpen

    April 5, 2013 at 11:14 pm

    covered up? like smothered with a pillow?

    ELIMINATIONIST RHETORIC

  79. 79.

    WA_Dave

    April 5, 2013 at 11:48 pm

    Perhaps this research could lead to a reduction in STDs in the military?

    Why do you hate the troops, Sean?

    And actually I wouldn’t be surprised if that’s what prompted the research.

  80. 80.

    Wag

    April 5, 2013 at 11:58 pm

    @bemused:

    Sounds like the study will save money and prevent abortions by preventing unwanted pregnancies.

  81. 81.

    Redshirt

    April 6, 2013 at 12:16 am

    @Wag: WERE AGIN THAT ALSO TOO!

  82. 82.

    Tokyokie

    April 6, 2013 at 9:50 am

    @mclaren: And furthermore, it didn’t create “zero jobs,” it created work for Erick Janssen and his team. Of course, spread out over several years among several people, it would have merely been part-time, but, hey, it’s jobs.

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