Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

Republican obstruction dressed up as bipartisanship. Again.

It’s all just conspiracy shit beamed down from the mothership.

I’d hate to be the candidate who lost to this guy.

You can’t attract Republican voters. You can only out organize them.

It’s always darkest before the other shoe drops.

Bad news for Ron DeSantis is great news for America.

Everybody saw this coming.

Reality always lies in wait for … Democrats.

Republicans are the party of chaos and catastrophe.

There is no compromise when it comes to body autonomy. You either have it or you don’t.

Teach a man to fish, and he’ll sit in a boat all day drinking beer.

Just because you believe it, that doesn’t make it true.

My years-long effort to drive family and friends away has really paid off this year.

Accused of treason; bitches about the ratings. I am in awe.

Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

Thanks to your bullshit, we are now under siege.

Conservatism: there are some people the law protects but does not bind and others who the law binds but does not protect.

A democracy can’t function when people can’t distinguish facts from lies.

He wakes up lying, and he lies all day.

You don’t get to peddle hatred on saturday and offer condolences on sunday.

The most dangerous place for a black man in America is in a white man’s imagination.

Impressively dumb. Congratulations.

Peak wingnut was a lie.

When your entire life is steeped in white supremacy, equality feels like discrimination.

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101Comments

  2. 2.

    jl

    I did not see anything unusual or humorous about Mr. Lochte’s interview at all. Just simple straightforward matter-of-fact responses to simple questions. What would Gary Cooper have said? Eggsackly the same things. I don’t even recall him uttering the word ‘dude’.

    I assume the anchors where just rattled from the stress of covering the Boston manhunt 24/7. Had nothing to do with the interview.

    Edit: in short, Lochte is an examplar of ‘mansplaining’.

  5. 5.

    lamh35

    I remember watching Lochte doing his Olympic interviews and I remember thinking Gawd, this dude is cute and has a great body, but he’s as dumb as a board and I thought Michael Phelps was a little slow, but damn if Lochte doesn’t make Phelps look like Einstein.

  7. 7.

    Trollhattan

    Lord, that’s darn funny. Appreciated the question about how were they getting thirteen weeks of programming.

    And now, puppehs in the news:

    A dog rescued from the Yolo County Animal Services shelter is helping search for bodies at the site of the Texas fertilizer plant explosion.

    It’s a long way from the Yolo County shelter to West, Texas, where Tucker, a Labrador retriever mix, has been using his keen nose to search homes near the epicenter of the explosion that demolished surrounding neighborhoods for blocks and left about 200 people injured

    http://www.sacbee.com/2013/04/19/5355661/yolo-county-rescue-dog-helping.html#storylink=cpy

  9. 9.

    Amir Khalid

    I have no idea who this Ryan Lochte person is, but if he can be that funny — intentionally or otherwise — for 13 hours of reality TV programming, he’ll have earned, ten times over, whatever he’s getting paid.

  10. 10.

    ? Martin

    @Amir Khalid: 11 time olympic swimming medalist. He’d probably be infinitely more famous if he wasn’t constantly swimming in the shadow of Michael Phelps the whole time.

    He’s quite the douchebag though.

  12. 12.

    Trollhattan

    @Amir Khalid:

    Olympian swimmer who has the misfortune of being Michael Phelps’ teammate, i.e., “Ryan who?”

    Actually a good swimmer, but even in London when I’d hear him interviewed my first response was always, “Wha?”

    ETA beaten to the water.

  14. 14.

    JGabriel

    Please tell me Lochte was stoned for that interview. I really don’t want to think that anyone who is that dim-witted while dead sober is serving as a role model for our children.

  18. 18.

    RoonieRoo

    That was pretty priceless

    @lamh35: I remember having the same thought when they were interviewing him during the Olympics.

  20. 20.

    Joseph Nobles

    The anchors were clearly trying to prompt him into the responses from a pre-interview or the materials provided by his press handlers. So he’s a box of rocks or was stoned. Minerals were involved.

  23. 23.

    cmorenc

    @lamh35:

    I remember watching Lochte doing his Olympic interviews and I remember thinking Gawd, this dude is cute and has a great body, but he’s as dumb as a board and I thought Michael Phelps was a little slow, but damn if Lochte doesn’t make Phelps look like Einstein.

    What the Hell do you say as an Olympic swimmer in interviews? First, it’s not a smart place to start yakking about all the ribald fun and ladies you’re boinking in Olympic village, nor is it a smart place to start talking about politics or bashing corporations or the crass commercialism of the Olympics if you’re hoping to cash in on your competitive success, and third even if you are a bit of an intellectual geek, it’s not the sort of setting where it’s easy to start riffing deeply about books you’ve read, or especially deep thoughts about stuff without risking looking both sophmorically shallow and artificially pretentious within the typical interview time frame.

    What exactly would *you* talk about if you just won an Olympic medal, were still a bit winded and wet from your event in the pool? Or months later, were being interviewed for two minutes by two not-so-very-deep-themselves newscasters? Could you pull off looking better than being a blandly handsome hunk?

    I think I get what Lochte meant by “if you’re going to be a man at night, you have to be a man in the morning”…and I don’t think what he was referring to was bragging about any woman he boinked at midnight, he’d boink again at dawn. I think he meant whatever fun you partake in at night has to be something you can properly assume adult responsibility for the next morning, which probably in the context of women included don’t sleep with someone you wouldn’t want to wake up with the next morning. A principle he probably gets to exercise quite often.

    You know, even though I have no desire to be Ryan Lochte, it probably is a pretty nice gig being Ryan Lochte, at least right now in the prime of his athletic career.

  25. 25.

    mouse tolliver

    Well, as Matty Walker said, in Body Heat, “You’re not too bright are you? I like that in a man.”

  27. 27.

    replicnt6

    The key to swimming is the efficient use of oxygen. The (normal) brain uses a lot of oxygen. I think Ryan has a lot more oxygen available for the rest of his body.

  29. 29.

    scav

    @Alison: Usual complaint about stomping.

    And I’m sorry, that boy was dry, sitting comfortably and had presumably chosen to participate in an interview. Some of those weren’t softball questions, they were T-ball questions.

  30. 30.

    Violet

    Can’t believe no one’s said, “Jeah!” yet. That’s Lochte’s trademark saying.

  32. 32.

    Phoenix_rising

    My kid was recruited for a swim club because she’s built like a swimmer and works out a lot. Her review of training, after 12 weeks: “The thing is, it’s kinda boring. The bottom of the pool just looks the same, no matter how many laps you do.”

    Face down in 4 feet of chlorinated water isn’t entertaining for everyone, which is why the Lard provides us with some special individuals like this kid and Michael Phelps. They weren’t bored!

  38. 38.

    ranchandsyrup

    @Violet: I think everyone’s tired on there. Been listening to the police scanner and every once in a while a car will leave its mic on and they’ll talk about being out there for 20+ hrs without relief.

  43. 43.

    ranchandsyrup

    Lots of sirens. I think they’re firing gas rounds at a suspect that is hiding on a boat. Talk about the heat signature of a body on the boat. Told everyone to hold fire for a bit while they use dummy rounds on the boat.

  45. 45.

    Roger Moore

    @Phoenix_rising:
    The problem with swimming is lack of sensory stimulation. It’s only boring if you’re bored being alone with your thoughts. Those of us who are more introverted can find it refreshing.

  47. 47.

    cmorenc

    @JordanRules:

    @cmorenc: I’m certain you can sound smarter than him.

    Yes, but what sorts of stuff would you have said in response to the interviewer’s questions to indicate your superior intellect to Lochte? True, Lochte didn’t say anything to indicate he really should be at CalTech getting a Phd in physics instead of spending his time training for big-time swimming competitions, but OTOH he didn’t say anything stupid that I heard in the interview. At worst, as an earlier poster said, Lochte was manspeaking.

    Lochte’s interviewers were the ones who came across as the real airheads IMHO.

  52. 52.

    cmorenc

    I personally found attending my kid’s summer swimming meets at our neighborhood pool and away meets at similar swim clubs to be excruciatingly boring, except for the social aspect of kibbitzing with the neighbors. I was absolutely delighted that neither pursued swimming past the age of 12, except that my older daughter decided to be on the swim team as a diver her senior year in high school. I think a one and a half from a 1m board was the height of her competitive diving accomplishments. The meets were held at an indoor pool, which reminded me how much I disliked breathing the pervasive, strong smell of chlorine for the hour and a half these meets dragged on.

  56. 56.

    jl

    @cmorenc:

    ” At worst, as an earlier poster said, Lochte was manspeaking. ”

    Excuse me, manSPLAINING.

    But, I was joking around. That kind of TV is so bizarre, it is difficult to evaluate WTH is going on inside their heads. I mean, what is there to ask, or answer about a Lochte Reality Show? What has been Lochte’s claim to fame? He swims, he parties, he pals around, he is a dude-a-licious dude.

    All, I can tell is, whatever it was, it was funny.

    Assuming all the people involved had an IQ above room temp, they had a silly reality show promo segment to do, and like all good Americans, they went ahead and did it because it WAS THEIR JOB (Edit: dammit) !, but instead of a standard silly reality show promo segment it turned into improv theatre.

    Win-win for that kind of TV.

  57. 57.

    raven

    @cmorenc: The Bullpen! In my life as a recreation administrator I would have to accompany district teams to meets and it was the most mind numbing shit ever. It’s no wonder that Phelps is a stoner.

  60. 60.

    raven

    @Roger Moore: You fuckers hijacked the Rose Bowl Scoreboard when UCLA spanked my Illini. It actually it was a good thing since we were blown out!

    eta Didn’t you once plant a bomb on the field?

  67. 67.

    raven

    @JPL: Good! Sittin here hoping this shit gets resolved so we can watch a flick. She’s walking around and some and seems good. The White Tiger brought us chow and the hated Facebook has been I great way for friends and family to keep up. thanks!

  68. 68.

    lamh35

    @cmorenc: the interviews I saw with Lochte were NOT poolside and a few of them were interviews after Olympics with late night host and entertainment news shows. The kid still seemed dumb as a board. So there is that?

  69. 69.

    Violet

    @raven: NBC is showing feed from local Boston station. Guy just said helicopter can see the guy in the boat is moving.

  73. 73.

    JPL

    @raven: wow.. My friends daughter, hubby, baby and dogs photo was on CNN. She lived next to a terrorist, unfortunately, and had to evacuate. My friend picked them up at 4 and they are all safe in her house a few burbs in. This has been one f..king crazy day.

  75. 75.

    jl

    @lamh35:

    Or maybe just a swimmer dude with a good head for marketing and brand:

    “Better to keep your mouth closed and be thought a fool than to open it and remove all doubt”

    Attrib to Twain.

  80. 80.

    JordanRules

    @cmorenc: Meh, it was just funny as shit to me and I think that is where his reality show editing will veer towards and he’ll be happy and paid for it. I’ve also seen other interviews in diverse situations and although I didn’t think there was a widespread perception of Olympic swimmers being dim-witted that needed defending, if there was, he ain’t the one to hang your hat on.

  96. 96.

    ranchandsyrup

    sending the helo to refuel and get secure downlink.

    Sounds like the media is being a pain in the ass trying to dodge the cops and get closer to scene.

    Tightening perimeter.

  97. 97.

    ranchandsyrup

    slow now while waiting for teh helo to refuel. Get water to the command post!
    FBI asking cops to meet them somewhere. “No you come to us”.

    Talking about meeting at the “bearcat” which i think is an armored vehicle.

    ETA: Lots of people on twitters asking why the police doesn’t use DROOOOOOONEZ

  100. 100.

    ranchandsyrup

    confirmed in custody.

    Following via scanner was kinda awesome. Very frustrating at times, though. I’m sure the recent updates by me prolly rankled a few and I apologize for that. A lot of adrenaline pumping. I may take smoking back up.

  101. 101.

    ranchandsyrup

    Also, too, The Running Man (book) and Hunger Games (ashamed I read them) have an aspect of the grotesque fascination with manhunts for entertainment. Was thinking about them while feeling like a fly on the wall of the hunters’ HQ.

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