Just in time for its wingnut-filled annual meeting tomorrow, the National Rifle Association is set to install a new president: an Alabama lawyer who laments “the war of Northern Aggression,” calls Barack Obama “this fake president,” and fantasizes about “whipping” opponents of the gun lobby’s agenda.
Jim Porter of Birmingham, a longtime board member whose daddy’s name graces an NRA championship shooting trophy, is expected to take office tomorrow in Houston at a national shindig that will include speeches by Sarah Palin, Rick Santorum, and John Bolton.
In addition to bearing a passing resemblance to Pappy O’Daniel, Porter works at his own law firm, where his areas of expertise include “defense of firearms manufacturers” from product-liability lawsuits. His NRA election announcement also identifies him as a “special assistant attorney general for the state of Alabama,” which couldn’t be independently verified by publication time. But if true, Alabama must have one of the few governments that Porter trusts, given his views on those scalawag federals.
You gotta watch the video at the link.
Redshirt
Ah, responsible leadership to lead this gun safety organization boldly into the 21st century.
Also, to fight Agenda 21.
Citizen Alan
I’m actually pleased with this development. Now, I have no compunctions whatsoever with saying that the NRA is a treasonous, unAmerican organization that decent people should shun.
Ivan Ivanovich Renko
Jesus, Mary and Joseph. What the fuck more will it take to demonstrate that these right wing bastards are fucking Confederates, in word and in deed?
Fuck, pass the anti-freeze.
Jamie
wow, they managed to find someone who makes LaPierre look sane.
Yutsano
So will the new NRA uniform be white robes with pointy hoods? Throw in some big red crosses for colour!
eric
if you liberals were more concerned with the improper president of the united states than the elected president of the NRA, this country would be better off. We can be certain that the votes wasnt rigged for Porter, it is a shame you cant say the same for Obambi, with his phones for votes and ACORN renegades running around with around with black panthers getting illegals to fraudulently vote while scaring real honest americans from exercising their constitutional rights.
Time to buy more guns and piss off you liberals!!
different-church-lady
@eric: I’m invoking Poe’s law here.
joes527
What’s with the smoke coming out of his ass?
TooManyJens
@Citizen Alan: There really is something to be said for people coming right out with what they believe, isn’t there?
@joes527: That’s the visual representation of his words.
kindness
“The War of Northern Aggression’….
Ya know, when someone spouts that bullshit I stop paying attention. At that point it is clear that they are completely full of shit and seem to think the South getting their asses handed to them and losing a war at great cost was some sort of valiant victory.
And having lost family members on both sides of said war I can honestly say ‘Fuck you you piece of shit’.
@eric: That applies double to you eric.
celticdragonchick
@eric:
Maybe you should spend some of that money and get pissed on by a dominatrix, since you seem to enjoy counterproductive behavior.
By the by, I own six guns myself. I buy weapons for a quantifiable need…not to merely annoy my neighbors…who probably couldn’t give a shit in the first place.
celticdragonchick
@kindness:
This.
Comrade Dread
@different-church-lady: Yeah, I can’t tell. On the one hand, he used punctuation and didn’t misspell anything egregiously, so that points to parody. While on the other hand, he doesn’t seem to understand capitalization, which makes me think he’s being sincere.
Jamie
Poe’s law, in broader form, is:
Without a blatant display of humor, it is impossible to create a parody of extremism or fundamentalism that someone won’t mistake for the real thing.[2]
The core of Poe’s law is that a parody of something extreme by nature becomes impossible to differentiate from sincere extremism. A corollary of Poe’s law is the reverse phenomenon: sincere fundamentalist beliefs being mistaken for a parody of that belief.[2]
https://balloon-juice.com/2013/05/03/ladies-and-gentlemen-your-new-nra-president/#comment-4409679
Napoleon
@kindness:
Best part about it is that the “War of Northern Agression” opened with the South attacking Federal troops.
MattR
OTOH, his son is not in jail for firing his gun in a road rage incident. So that is at least one area of improvement over the current president.
tjmn
Standby. The crazy bat signal has been lit.
NonyNony
@eric:
You know what really pisses me off? When conservatives sit in their cars with their engines running in their garage with the garage door shut. That pisses me off to no end, what with all the damage it’s probably doing to the ozone layer and the waste of gas it causes.
Someone should pass a law making it illegal to do that. People who do that really piss me off.
SatanicPanic
@Citizen Alan: This is great! If I didn’t know better, I would guess that this guy is a mole trying to make the NRA look bad.
Yutsano
@tjmn: Nobody mentioned Glenn. At least not yet.
Ben Franklin
How can Obama deal with this guy?
Django.…
Comrade Dread
@kindness: Especially since the South fired first.
Calming Influence
O.T, but this shit over at FDL is just heinous. TBogg tries his best slogging through the comment sewage, but dear God, get him out of there John! He’s a good man and deserves better. If nothing else, think of the Bassets!
the Conster
You gotta hand it to Obama – just by existing, he’s gotten all the dogs who came running to the dog whistles now loudly and proudly letting their freak flags fly so we all know who and where they are. If nothing else the Obama era has been a very useful exercise as nutjob awareness training.
Just Some Fuckhead
He should have to fight Wayne LaPierre to the death in a series of increasingly difficult firearms battles in order to become new Top Asshole.
the Conster
@eric:
You’ve gotten pretty good at wingnut – needs moar all caps.
eric
@different-church-lady: every now and then i think the only way i can respond to the insanity is with the insanity itself because it is such a closed epistemic feedback loop that filters out truth and reality through the dual lenses of ideological certainty and conspiracy. Sorry for any confusion i may have caused.
Schlemizel
Jay-Zeus! A cartoon character. They picked an f’ing cartoon character as their prez – what was Yosemite Sam not available?
This might actually be a good thing. The fewer people who can listen to this shitstain the less power the NRA will be able to generate.
Baud
So who’s selecting the NRA prez? The board?
wmd
I don’t call it the Civil War or the War of Northern Aggression. I call it what it was: the War of Southern Treason.
Confederate sympathizers are in love with traitorous losers, not some bullshit “noble cause”. Treasonous losers!
cmorenc
@NonyNony:
BRILLIANT!
Origuy
Yeah, I’m pretty sure eric is a spoof.
I’d just like to point out that I posted the same link on Tom’s thread yesterday, although it’s the last post, so everyone else had moved on. I’m late for everything.
Just Some Fuckhead
@NonyNony: I heard liberals are already trying to outlaw it.
Forum Transmitted Disease
I hope he’s bought a nice set of sheets for his swearing-in. Gotta uphold the dignity of the office.
eric
@the Conster: thank you. I have to say that there are times that, all kidding aside, I am near 100% certain I could rise to the top of the RW spittle spewing world, in part because i can write and I can actually use logic, even if the premises are fundamentally flawed. the only things that stop me are (i) I have a soul (ii) i would not want to shame my daughter and (iii) integrity cannot be recaptured once lost. But i am pretty sure I could pick a pseudonym and end up writing for the WSJ opinion page within the year.
Punchy
Across the pond, the RCC is furious that Ireland may allow abortions to save the life of the mother. I cannot tell if they’re serious or joking.
Really, the actual RCC stance is that both the mother AND baby should die to prevent an abortion?
Just Some Fuckhead
@Punchy:
Meh, God chooses who He wants. He may be feeling especially bloodthirsty on a particular day.
comrade scott's agenda of rage
@Schlemizel:
I’m guessing his copyright wasn’t available. Comparing the two, it’s harder to judge which one is the bigger moran.
NonyNony
@wmd:
Actually I like that. I’ve been using the Treason in Defense of Slavery tag for it, but “War of Southern Treason” twists the knife a bit harder, and some of my idiot family members need that knife twisted.
(We even had fucking ancestors who were abolitionists who left the fucking South to go fight for the Union and they’ll pull out that “War of Northern Aggression” bullshit. You can probably power a small city if you could harness the speed of my great-great-great-great-? grandpa spinning in his grave…)
Calming Influence
@eric: God, you are just a reprehensible fuck. Every fucking wingnut gun owner joke is based on you.
ETA: Sorry, too much?
JoyceH
I’ve lived in the south for twenty-five years, and I’ve NEVER heard anyone say ‘the War of Northern Aggression’ non-ironically.
Of course, I don’t hang out with neo-confederates, either.
the Conster
@eric:
Yeah, those damn consciences – blessing or curse?
Tokyokie
@celticdragonchick: But hey, the South did it to uphold the honor of an economic system based on stealing labor.
Yutsano
@Punchy:
Yes. Because then both will have died without committing a mortal sin and Big Sky Daddy won’t punish them with eternal torment. Plus women are just baby incubators, and if this model is flawed then she deserved to die for not being able to fulfill her sacred duty. Yes it’s pathological. No wonder the Irish are starting to tell Rome to fuck off.
West of the Rockies
It’s curious how every wingnut in America feels apparently no respect for “the office” that Obama holds; it’s okay to spew all sorts of juvenile, ugly, racist observations and ridiculous speculations. They’re all good with that. But — God forbid — we end up with another Republican in office, these same people will be demanding that we all genuflect (out of respect) before the office of the president. They’ll sob to the heavens about how disrespectful liberals are if someone points out Republican corruption of incompetence.
NonyNony
@Punchy:
Yes. From the moment of conception the Catholic Church considers the implanted egg to be equivalent to a full grown adult being and therefore if you’re choosing to value the mother’s life over that of the fetus you have made a choice that only God is allowed to make.
Much like the Catholic Church opposes blood transfusions, organ transplants, and attaching people to respirators. Because only God should get to decide who lives and dies.
Redshirt
Come to find out, my gun needs a gun.
It’s guns all the way down!
quannlace
I always love when some peckerwood calls the Civil War ‘The War of Northern Aggression.” Gee, who was it who fired on Fort Sumter?
replicnt6
Look, the guy’s an asshole, but igniting his flatulence behind his back is just juvenile.
Tokyokie
@quannlace: Fort Sumter was a false flag operation.
sb
@quannlace: Yep. I swear, I think these guys are still afraid John Brown and Nat Turner are goin’ to come a knockin’.
Tokyokie
@replicnt6: Which isn’t to say it’s not a lot of fun.
sb
@Tokyokie: (applause)
shortstop
@Just Some Fuckhead: Just seeing what that would do to Wayne’s hair would be worth the time to watch.
Comrade Dread
@Punchy: I believe it’s because mom will usually have been baptized, so if she dies, she goes to heaven or purgatory, while the unborn child isn’t, so it ends up in Limbo and has no hope of reaching heaven?
Because otherwise, I don’t see how you could justify a belief in self-defense and refuse to classify this unfortunate situation as clearly being self-defense.
Hoodie
Try to imagine that jowly tub o’ guts fighting off Obama’s jackbooted thugs after polishing off a slab of ribs, baked beans and couple of servings of banana pudding at Dreamland in Tuscaloosa.
Montysano
Cracker, please….
Violet
I love this development. More of this, please. The more the crazy is on display, the clearer who they are becomes.
OzarkHillbilly
Wrong John, no, I do not.
Mike in NC
@Napoleon: You might be surprised by the number of idiots who believe that Fort Sumter was actually the property of the state of South Carolina.
gbear
@Schlemizel:
John Bolton is Yosemite Sam in a suit. Bolton is speaking at Porker – oops – Porter’s coronation.
mclaren
Whipping opponents of gun control, eh? Sounds like double wetsuit time.
scav
@Comrade Dread: That’s the cover story. ‘f course, they’re none so charitable traditionally to unbaptized babies bodies, refusing to allow them to be buried in sanctified ground. Tiny little bones all along the outside of the church during the rescue archaeology of a nunnery in Bordeaux (added to the real weirdness of massive steer bones being inside the nave at unexpected levels).
shortstop
@Mike in NC: I’m guessing it’s roughly equivalent to the number of idiots who think that Texas gets to keep NASA and the military bases if it secedes.
OzarkHillbilly
If I was one of these super paranoid “the gubmints gonna take my gunz” people, the last organization I would join is the NRA. It is only a matter of time until somebody hacks in and gets their membership list. Watch the shit hit the fan then.
nastybrutishntall
@eric: well-played, sir.
Forum Transmitted Disease
@Punchy: They’ve been saying this for a long, long time. Not sure how they can make it any clearer – that is their stance, and if you don’t like it you can get the fuck out.
Chris
@eric:
There are times when I contemplate trying to write for wingnut papers/blogs as a source of income. It really would be the easiest fucking job in the world, and once I no longer need the money I’d get to troll them with “yeah, I was totally fucking with you guys, I just needed the money.”
Eric U.
everyone named Eric that comments on this blog is simply an instance of cleek’s pie filter subverted to evil ends by DougJ.
@Chris: I suspect the “lieberal convert to conservatism” gig is played out, but I continue to be surprised. However, the fact that all conservative pundits lie reflexively seems to make a case for this to be a plausible career path
Evinfuilt
@eric:
There’s another word for all of that, Empathy. As soon as you can feel for another person you have to leave the Republican party, end of story.
Roy G.
@eric: You came close to passing the Wingnut Turing Test, however, you tripped up when you said ‘liberals’ instead of the proper ‘libtards.’
I wonder if there is such a thing as a Turing Complete Wingnut, or perhaps they all are.
joes527
@Roy G.: lie-beral would also have been acceptable …. or at least some reference to the democrat party.
nemesis
Why is the fat rednecks ass on fire?
scav
@Chris: Shades of Sokal.
raven
Note the phony ass POW MIA flag.
raven
@kindness: Pat Lang says it all the time and he’s got a link right here on BJ.
NonyNony
@Chris:
It can’t possibly pay well. I mean first of all, there are plenty of idiots who are willing to do it for free. Second of all, we’re talking about people who routinely mistake the Daily Currant for a news source. How exactly you’re going to monetize that as a writer is beyond me.
The real money in wingnut land comes from Wingnut Welfare. And to get in on that sweet, sweet pot o’ honey you’ve got to have connections. Connections you started building as a young College Republican, unless you were lucky enough to be born to the right family and “earned” those connections through your membership in the “lucky sperm club”.
You can also choose to be selected by John McCain as a running mate to get onto that grifting gravy train, but that’s a narrow window. (For this reason, Sarah Palin will always have my admiration as someone who legitimately earned her way onto the wingnut welfare train, coming from a working class background and with little if any discernible talent outside the ability to work a mark. I may not like her politics, but I can respect her ability to run the short con. She needs to work on her long con skills though – that’s where the real grift is…)
Villago Delenda Est
@Napoleon:
It’s not aggression if they blow up a radio tower in Gleiwitz, or if they tried to kill your daddy.
gogol's wife
@joes527:
Haven’t read the thread, but that’s what struck me. The fires of hell are emerging from his rectum.
Lee Rudolph
@Comrade Dread: Limbo has been officially abolished for some years now, but I don’t remember what happens to unbaptized infants-and-fetuses according to current dogma.
Tokyokie
@Hoodie: Mmmmmm. Ribs from Dreamland. I’d go there for lunch, if it weren’t several states away.
Villago Delenda Est
@NonyNony:
Perhaps the Newt Gingrich playbook isn’t quite the how to long con guide we thought it was.
Now the Grover Norquist/Richard Viguerie playbook, that’s the real deal.
raven
@Tokyokie: One of their stores in the ATL burned down.
Redshirt
@Lee Rudolph: So did all the Souls in Limbo get reassigned before it was banished, or were they wiped out completely?
wmd
@NonyNony: Point out that Treason is defined in the US Constitution and the shots fired at Fort Sumter are every bit as treasonous as those John Brown was executed for at Harpers Ferry. (Too really twist the knife bring up Robert E Lee’s role in bringing John Brown to justice for a crime Lee would later abet).
Secession from the US could be done legally – amend the Constitution to provide a process to do so. Armed conflict is treason.
gogol's wife
@OzarkHillbilly:
No, you gotta. You really gotta. And I love the comparison to Pappy O’Daniel (RIP Charles Durning).
Southern Beale
Meanwhile, guess what happens if you Google “Crickett Youth Firearms.”
Fucking cowards.
shortstop
@Lee Rudolph: In 2007, a committee decided that there is reason to believe — but no certainty, of course — that some of these babies may go to heaven. That sentence really sounds like a crazy person wrote it, but I’m just reporting. The Vatican, as we all know, decides.
Runt
Cue “Dueling Banjos” from “Deliverance”.
scav
@shortstop: Ok, now Heaven has a green card lottery? ! Can anchor babies having celestial anchor babies be far behind!
Gopher2b
I for one am for Alabama seceding again. Honestly, who would give a f–k.
Just Some Fuckhead
@shortstop:
Makes sense. If you wanna kill something, form a committee.
Origuy
@Eric U.:
Are all your pets called Eric?
Comrade Dread
@Lee Rudolph: Ah, well, then I withdraw my explanation.
I have no idea.
Just Some Fuckhead
@Gopher2b:
They shouldn’t be allowed to secede. They should be expelled for dragging our national averages down. Maybe start with probation, then expulsion.
raven
@Gopher2b: CBS
Gopher2b
I just looked at his official bio and there’s no mention of military service. Anyone know if he served (and by this I mean does anyone know how he evaded the Vietnam draft?)
Joel
Remember when Michael Moore included this bit in Bowling for Columbine and pissed off Trey Parker and Matt Stone so much? Hell, even I thought it was a little hamfisted. But it looks like the hippies were fucking right again. Wonder if Parker and Stone will write this shit into South Park.
gelfling545
@Jamie: I read that LaPierre will be doing most of the PR appearances because the new guy’s not that good at it. Ya think?
scav
@Gopher2b: Wasn’t Vietnam just another War of Northern Agression?
The Cracker Barrel Fellow for Space And Robot Law At The University of Tennessee Glenn Reynolds
Heh indoodily! I like this guy’s style! Read the whole thing! Heh!
shortstop
@gelfling545: They’ll keep this guy out of national media appearances, but he’ll be gold on the local speaking circuit.
gelfling545
@Schlemizel: what was Yosemite Sam not available?
No, they had to go with Foghorn Leghorn.
shortstop
@Just Some Fuckhead: We’ll provide them with a 10-point plan for improvement and a deadline. Lord knows we’re fair people. Nobody can say we didn’t try with them.
cckids
@OzarkHillbilly:
Ooooh, this! Anonymous, are you listening?
pokeyblow
He looks pretty combat-ready. Assuming he’s about to charge the buffet table.
Face
@Calming Influence: I’m loving this meme! Thanks, you reprehensible fuck. Every fucking libtard meme-starter joke is based on you.
Hobart
I am a certified NRA trainer and range officer and I support sensible gun control legislation – such as improved universal background checks that the NRA itself supported a few years ago. A number of the NRA positions are just silly.
Something like 90% of Americans agree. Yet the NRA was able to kill even the most tepid legislation.
Given that the NRA is staffed by buffoons and morons yet succeeds in killing legislation favored by 90% of the public, maybe it is time to start examining why the “anti gun” advocates are so pathetically ineffective. It’s fun to ridicule and nutpick the NRA, but in the end that doesn’t seem to accomplish much.
TenguPhule
Where are the Killer Domestic Drones armed with Hellfire Missiles when you really really need them?
Trollhattan
@eric:
I knew it was a spoof: You forgot to capitalize “Liberal.”
TenguPhule
@Hobart: Money, dear boy.
The NRA is both willing and able to buy political streetwalkers of the lowest common denominator.
Trollhattan
@pokeyblow:
Win.
Schlemizel
@NonyNony:
I think I love you and I want to have your children!
Chris
@Eric U.:
Nah, I don’t think it’s played out. These people have no imagination, their worldview’s all about repetition, and they believed heart and soul that there was an entire “silent majority” out there that would realize Obama was… well, you know… and come over to their side. They’d love another “lieberal convert to conservatism.”
@NonyNony:
Aye, good point. Plus, of course, factor in their repugnance for paying people in general…
Great assessment of Palin, also too.
Cris (without an H)
and Eric the Half-a-Bee.
Chris
@wmd:
Ah, the sound of Robert E. Lee’s much recounted integrity.
Central Planning
“War of Northern Aggression”? We like to call it Victory.
Tonal Crow
And in today’s installment of “If we outlaw guns, people’ll just kill each other with hubcaps”:
http://www.ksfy.com/story/22143379/on-teen-recovering-another-arrested-in-shooting-in-britton
A teenager from the Britton area is recovering from a head injury after a hubcapping Wednesday afternoon. An 18-year-old Britton High School student was arrested.
Marshall County Sheriff Dale Elsen said the boys were hanging out in an area where most kids loiter after school. Elsen said they received a call from the hospital at 4:25 pm Wednesday that a 17-year-old boy was hubcapped in the head accidentally.
Elsen said during the investigation the alleged hubcapper was showing the hubcap to his friend, claimed it was unloaded and the hubcap went off. However, Elsen said after investigating and talking with witnesses and talking with the suspect again the story changed.
Dusty Groom, 18, of rural Lake City was arrested for reckless discharge of a hubcap, possession of a hubcap on school property and false reporting to police. The hubcap was a 1966 Dodge Dart Special, in mint condition with chrome plating and an insignia of a car flying over a full moon….
Tonal Crow
Day-am, Lincoln used too much Grant and not nearly enough Sherman.
Gopher2b
@Hobart:
Come back in five years and see if that stayement still stands. The NRA is going to go the way of the GOP. A powerful presence in a few southern states of no consequence, a couple of square states, and Texas.
Forum Transmitted Disease
@Hobart: Agree with you on this. It’s not even like they dump that much money into elections. They really don’t – take a trip over to OpenSecrets and see.
Personally not anti-gun BTW, and probably half the commentors here aren’t either – but the “sell with no checks, registration, insurance or training and damn the consequences” platform of the NRA and their supporters will drive people like me into the arms of those who want them banned entirely.
Ben Franklin
A former Bush White House official on Thursday made the case that Nazi Germany had adhered to the laws of war during World War II when defending the Bush administration’s decision to open the Guantanamo Bay prison for terror suspects.
Nearly 60 percent of the detainees at Guantanamo are currently on hunger strike, in what experts and their lawyers say is a protest against their indefinite incarceration there. Amid the crisis, President Obama announced this week that he will renew his administration’s efforts to close the prison.
http://thinkprogress.org/security/2013/05/03/1960261/fleischer-nazis-gitmo/
Ari Fleischer-Still stupid after all these years.
pokeyblow
Build the border fence, dammit! As soon as Texas, et al. secede.
Ben Franklin
@Tonal Crow:
Personally, I think we need to legislate mandatory armor for all ages.
Crusty Dem
How do these people jump out of a sketch from “The Chappelle Show” and into real-life positions of leadership?
Tonal Crow
I thought that _The Onion_ was satire, not straight-up reporting.
belieber
…and if he came out in favor of gay marriage wrong way Cole would think he is awesome.
Amusing Alias
Porter may call it “The War of Northern Aggression”, but I’ve always called it “The War of Southern Treason”. Lee and his buddies violated their oaths to God and country in order to fight for the right to enslave their fellow man. Remember that the next time you hear the “Northern Aggression” nonsense.
catclub
@Mike in NC: “You might be surprised by the number of idiots who believe that Fort Sumter was actually the property of the state of South Carolina. ”
Odd spelling of “appalled and horrified”.
Bill Arnold
@Amusing Alias:
AKA “War of the Rebellion”. (I grew up with a set of books with that name, issued to members of congress in the late 1800s.)
Wikipedia has a more complete list of names: Naming_the_American_Civil_War
Here’s the list from wikipedia:
Civil War
War Between the States
War of the Rebellion
War of Secession
War for Southern Independence
War for the Union
Second American Revolution
War of Northern Aggression
War of Southern Aggression
different-church-lady
It’s not a con if you believe it.
Catsy
@kindness:
Corrections inline.
Hobart
@Forum Transmitted Disease:
Yes, listening to gun control advocates talking about their trouncing by the NRA is a lot like listening to the republicans talking about the last election:
The disconnect between the rhetoric and reality is just staggering.
Like Gopher2b says above – I assumed at some point that the NRA’s influence would wither as grumpy old white guys became a smaller and smaller part of the population. But I have some doubts about that now. Yes, their percentage of the population will diminish and will be reflected in national presidential elections. Yet at the same time, more and more wealth is being concentrated in fewer and fewer hands and those hands are, more often than not, attached to a grumpy old white guy.
The current “gun control” strategy seems to rest almost exclusively on appeals to emotion and vilification of the other side. That approach can work to sway undecided people, but it just causes those with entrenched views to dig in deeper. That is what is happening now. This is all going to get much worse before it gets better.
raven
@Gopher2b: 0. Porter received a bachelor’s degree from the University of Alabama in 1971, and a law degree from the Cumberland School of Law.
Anymore questions?
Ed Drone
@Tokyokie:
And the Modern Corporatist Republican Party continues the practice to this very day. Consistent, ain’t they? They don’t call it “wage slavery” for nothing!
Ed
Trollhattan
Speaking of the rap group, Kid-n-Gun, Wonkette has been reading Daily Caller so you don’t have to.
Aaaand.
http://wonkette.com/515058/daily-caller-why-do-all-these-pssy-journalists-think-five-year-olds-should-not-have-guns
Just Some Fuckhead
If at first you don’t secede..
priscianus jr
“This is the moral equivalent, I say the moral equivalent, of war.”
Senator Foghorn Leghorn
Tokyokie
@gelfling545: Foghorn Leghorn and the Chickenhawks couldn’t be on the same side.
shortstop
@Hobart:
Whereas screaming that the un-American oppressor and his entire political party are coming to take all your weapons so you can’t protect your sweet babies from vicious home invaders, your pale wife from swarthy rapists or yourself from mass internment…fuck, yeah, that’s the height of reasoned debate.
Seanly
Does he drive a white convertible Caddie with bullhorns for a hood ornament?
Poopyman
@nemesis:
Shame on you!
That’s possessive. It should be “fat redneck’s ass”.
You’re welcome.
Just Some Fuckhead
@raven: Alabama has a university?? lolwut?
Gin & Tonic
@raven: Would he have gotten an automatic deferment for going to law school? I don’t think it worked that way.
JCT
@Hobart: Fellow gun owner with absolutely no problem with expanded background checks, etc. The fact that I can pick up a handgun in 10 mins and carry it concealed without a permit in my state is completely insane.
Are these “entrenched” folks reachable on any level? At least in AZ they are certifiably insane with their endless discussions of tyranny and false flag operations and “Obummer” stealing their liberty. I have heard these folks say positively hair-raising things at my local range. I think the real problem is that people think these nuts have more power than they do and “give up”. They need to be completely marginalized somehow, but sway them? No way.
Hoodie
@JoyceH: I’ve been here even longer and would say the same. The Civil War itself doesn’t seem to play much of role for today’s neoconfederates, maybe because it raises the spectre of treason and is dissonant with the superpatriot mythology they promote. The closest thing to the “heritage” they fixate on dates back to about the 1950’s and the advent of protection of the rights of minorities and women, and mainly consists of macho posturing and redneck caricature role playing. Come to think of it, maybe Obama should adopt this strategy.
scav
@Just Some Fuckhead: I had to come back to cherish this again.
Thank you.
raven
@Gin & Tonic: What do you mean by “automatic”? He’d have to apply like Darth did. You can be if his fat pussy ass so much as went on a summer cruise with the Coast Guard Reserve his “service” would be plastered all over.
Tokyokie
@Gin & Tonic: @Gin & Tonic: My guess is that he had the connections to avoid Vietnam-era active-duty service, much as did George W. Bush and Dan Quayle. And Cumberland School of Law, part of Samford University, is the 113-ranked law school in the country (according the U.S. News & World Report), about 80 spots behind the one at the University of Alabama. Draw your own conclusions.
raven
What do you mean by “automatic”? He’d have to apply like Cheney did. You can be if his fat pussy ass so much as went on a summer cruise with the Coast Guard Reserve his “service” would be plastered all over.
raven
@Tokyokie
” and a law degree from the Cumberland School of Law. While in law school, Porter spent a summer working for John Wilson, who served as outside legal counsel for the NRA in Washington, D.C. Wilson also represented John Ehrlichman and Bob Haldeman during the Watergate hearings in the U.S. Congress.” cocksucker
The Snarxist Formerly Known as Kryptik
@Crusty Dem:
Because real life is outpacing satire to the point it can’t keep up. Even Chappelle got fed up with it when people kept taking his show at face value and realizes too much of his audience was reveling in racism rather than joining in making fun of it.
Me…I’m at the exhausted point where I’m convinced this isn’t going to harm the NRA one bit, because America, despite what the polls have said, has spoken: Guns are Freedom, and are the Only Freedom That Matters. Oh, and Freedom of Hippie Punching, because God loves guns and cannot suffer hippies to live.
I’ve seen too many reasonable people go full bore 2nd Amendment Fetishist despite reasonable liberal proclivities in just about everything else, and refuse to swing anywhere near back toward the left because of it. Just like every other fucking issue in the country it seems, support for the left is a mile wide and an inch thin, with god knows how many people just waiting to run into the loving embrace of the GOP and screaming “FUCK YOU DEMOCRATS, FUCK YOU AND DIE!!!!!!” forever once they do.
It’s just…exhausting and draining. This country really is just flat out wired for the GOP alone.
Trollhattan
@raven:
Good gawd, a junior southern Nixonite? I’m guessing their first choice, a Mr. Manson, is still in prison and not available.
GregB
So the NRA is going to have a pants shitting draft dodger honor soldiers and will be entertained by a convicted wife beating steroid abuser named Steve Austin and a fake crying racist Mormon televangelist huckster named Glenn Beck.
Sounds like the scumbag Watergate neo-Confederate lawyer is a step up from the rest of the criminals, charlatans and cretins.
artem1s
@Just Some Fuckhead:
the laws of eight
Bruce S
They are exactly who they appear to be…
Tokyokie
@Hoodie: Or maybe Sam Fuller’s earlier version of the same idea:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gpuJaTA7Txk
scav
Another well-regulated militia sighting! Police Seek Gunman Who Shot Five People at Newark, N.J., Vigil
Must be frustrated he can’t participate in the main shin-dig so organized one of his own.
Gin & Tonic
@raven: I know he’d have had to apply, but as I recall, the 1-S was easy (I said “automatic”) but didn’t cover grad school, and I don’t recall the details of the 2-S. It was a long time ago.
But that Haldeman/Ehrlichman connection explains an awful lot.
raven
@Gin & Tonic: Shit I don’t know. I went straight from the Nam to school before they even started the lottery. Connected motherfuckers could get away with anything.
On the bright side I think I picked a bat to go out on. The Seven B’s out of Galilee.
raven
boat not bat
johnny aquitard
@Hobart:
It’s not too hard to figure out that the NRA’s influence and rhetoric has caused real harm to lots of people. You know what the NRA has become and what they represent. You go along with that, you own part of it.
Maybe it’s time to start examining your own support for the NRA. Maybe its because there’s enough fellas like you who know exactly what the NRA is and are still members.
Am I to believe you are not cognizant of the moral choice you’ve made here?
And lo! You want to blame the folks who want to stop the NRA crazy for not being able to stop the crazy.
Get off your own ass and do something. Write the NRA leadership tell them why they should support those reasonable laws. Tell them in no uncertain terms why their policies don’t have your support.
You want to make a difference? Resign your membership. Denounce them in an open letter. Drop your NRA cert and let them know why. They use their membership numbers to frighten our chickenshit congress critters. You are being used to promote crazy and dangerous public policy that will be ultimately counterproductive to gun owners. Why are you so passive about that?
But I see how they got you. They got you to sink time and money into their organization, they got your buy-in and they know you won’t bail. They know for all the talk about responsible gun ownership, they know their membership.
As Sinclair said, It’s difficult to get a man to understand something when his salary depends upon his not understanding it.
That works for both congressmen with campaign contributions, and trainers with NRA certificates.
Studly Pantload, the emotionally unavailable unicorn
Are we sure we shouldn’t be invoking Poe’s Law with this Jim Porter nattering nabob?
Just Some Fuckhead
@scav: I wonder if those victims could appreciate the freedom rushing through their bodies as they were shot? It’s liberal New Jersey so probably not.
Gin & Tonic
@raven: Enjoy your trip. I’m going to be off the grid for a while.
Short Bus Bully
When are they going to quit fucking around and get Foghorn Leghorn to be their prez? And The Nuge should take LaPierre’s job.
LaPierre? Isn’t that French? SEND IN THE NUGE!!!!!11!
raven
@Gin & Tonic: Ah, still not for a week.
Gin & Tonic
@raven: I know. Right in time for fluke season. I’m out sooner.
liberal
@Hobart:
Boy, is that ever a softball.
It’s practically a law in political science that a broad diffuse interest group is easily overcome by a strong, narrow interest.
On the one hand, you have normal, psychologically healthy Americans who support gun control, but who have a broad range of political interests and concerns.
On the other hand, you have the firearms industry, which realizes that real gun control threatens its bottom line, and which spends money on lobbying Congress, persuading the less intelligent members of the general population, and presumably essentially bribing members of the elite like certain law school professors to forget how to read when they read sentences in the Constitution.
Under normal circumstances, it shouldn’t be all that surprising that the pro-gun, pro-murder lobbyists can outmaneuver the rest of us.
(Yes, pro-murder, since FL’s “SYG” law as invoked in the Trayvon Martin case essentially decriminalizes murder, at least against the “wrong” kind of people.)
raven
@Gin & Tonic: That’s what they tell me. I emailed two smaller boats and their responses were great, no bullshitting around. I went to Stripers Online and they gave me the same lowdown, “scratch the itch on a headboat”. I’m way more into the experience than the outcome since I can’t take any fish with me anyway.
Tonal Crow
@scav: You libtard! If we had taken away his guns, he’d have shot them with a hubcap instead!
johnny aquitard
@Hobart:
Jesus. Been a gun owner for 35 years and I just gotta ask, Where the fuck have you been? Or you just don’t realize you’re projecting?
Do you never listen to the horseshit that comes out of Lapierre’s mouth? Do you not pay attention to what the NRA has been doing for about 30 years?
Did you not see the NRA’s responses after the Oklahoma City bombing, when it called federal agents as “jack-booted thugs” and characterized the Secret Service and AFT as “wearing Nazi bucket helmets and black storm trooper uniforms”
How’s that for an appeal to emotion and vilification?
George H. W. Bush resigned his lifetime NRA membership as a result of that spittle-flecked attack.
It ain’t no small potatoes. They’ve been launching that shit from a national venue.
Did you miss the NRA response to the Newton massacre (that is, after hiding from reporters for a week)? Maybe you should go google that up.
By the way, you have noticed that reasonable proposals for gun regulation are unacceptable to the NRA. In fact, they’ve spent many of the last 30 years propagandizing their members about how it’s a slippery slope that leads right to jack-booted thugs crashing down their doors and confiscating all guns.
They’ve succeeded in polarizing the nation, which was about the stupidest short-sighted thing they could have done. You do not get to blame that on the gun control people. The NRA’s spent way too many years, too much money and national air time to not own it.
liberal
@johnny aquitard:
Yeah, that’s pretty funny.
gogol's wife
@shortstop:
Hobart’s another one of the NRA shills like Chet. They always start by pretending to be in favor of reasonable gun control. Somehow that always morphs into the absolute impossibility of having any kind of gun control at all.
johnny aquitard
That’s ATF not AFT. Typo due to clodfingers.
Publius39
@johnny aquitard: It didn’t detract from an otherwise insightful and powerful post.
fuckwit
“war of northern aggression”?
wow, they’re not even TRYING to hide that they’re racist confederate traitors anymore.
Joel
@Hobart: Maybe you have the causation reversed?
Rob Lll
Can’t get over that big ol’ belly on the new NRA president. When is he due?
fuckwit
@The Snarxist Formerly Known as Kryptik: All countries are. Fascism is a deeply strong strain in any large organization, government, civilization, or group. The Power Law, mainly, it’s math. Any large group tends towards a dictatorship, a tyranny. You have to actively FIGHT against it, constantly. It’s always easy for demagogues to demagogue.
The Framers of the Constitution understood this, and quite carefully and cleverly built in safeguards to delay or prevent this happening. But after corporations took over in the industrial era of the late 19th century, and then the military-industrial complex after WWII, and then the media-industrial complex in the 1950s, and then the various demogogues and moral panics interweaving between and admidst those, we’re here already.
You’ve got fascist, supranational, supralegal corporations (there’s nothing democratic about a corporation, and they own the world’s “democratic” governments now), you’ve got nutty demogogues like the neo-Confederates in the gun lobby, the American Taliban Christian religious mullahs, and of course our standing military with its own goals. And that’s the coalition Grover Norquist pulled together to run the country for the past 30 years.
What’s encouraging is that people are waking up now. Slowly, but it’s happening. If we organize, we can take this country back. But it has taken several hundred years to slide this far down, push back up again (winning the Civil War, implementing the New Deal, Civil Rights movement, Women’s Rights movement, etc), and then slide back down again. Gravity is NOT on our side, and it will take a lot of work to roll it even slightly back up the hill. We have to try though. There is no other option.
Large things tend towards centralization, and tyranny, followed by revolution, followed by anarchy, followed by more tyranny. The founders understood this vicious cycle, and built in clever systems to try to mediate and moderate those cycles, to prevent the extremes. It’s a steam engine regulator, really. But it takes our work to keep it operational.
Joel
@johnny aquitard: Holy shit, that’s a righteous rant.
pseudonymous in nc
@Hobart:
If those “entrenched views” translate into “kids shooting kids is less of a problem than being able to keep practicing my gun-based religion”, then fuck those views.
There have been a lot of points in American history where people with “entrenched views” on the status quo have dug in deeper. Those people are losers. They lose.
pseudonymous in nc
@fuckwit:
They never did try to hide it much. It’s just that they didn’t go to places with cameras and microphones so often.
JCT
@Joel: And he is 100% right. It is profoundly frustrating to those of us who shoot for sport that our hobby/pastime has been completely hijacked by a bunch of paranoid crazies with inadequacy issues.
priscianus jr
@Bruce S They are exactly who they appear to be…
Ain't nobody else left …
Odie Hugh Manatee
@eric:
I give you a 4 out of a possible 10 points for teahadist wingnuttiness.
The big problem is that you spelled everything correctly.
Odie Hugh Manatee
@Napoleon:
Hell, if the Civil War started out the same way today, after the North vacated the fort the South would be calling for the impeachment of Lincoln for allowing Federal troops to be attacked and not responding, humiliating them and making them look weak.
Mnemosyne
@Hobart:
I think you’re a little confused — the current resistance to any kind of new gun laws relies exclusively on appeals to emotion and vilification of the other side, unless you think that declaring that you need your gun to rise up against the evil government that’s keeping you down is a rational, emotion-free argument.
AFAICT, the “gun control” strategy that was recently proposed was to close a few loopholes to try and keep guns out of the hands of felons and violent people with mental health issues and nothing more. If you really think that weak sauce bill was “vilification of the other side,” I’m pretty sure nothing short of not only leaving you alone, but somehow convincing you that we’re leaving you alone will convince you.
Personally, I would prefer not to live in a country where we make guns specifically for five-year-olds. You may differ on that point, but if you do, please explain why making guns for five-year-olds is a necessary and important thing without falling back on emotional appeals about how your culture is being degraded.
sjd
href=”#comment-4409849″>Chris: They paid my Senator Mitch McConnell $162,000 for him to vote against background checks.. An aide got a copy of the receipt and posted it on the internet.
sjd
I remember when I was young watching on tv videos on the news of middle eastern countries giving their kids guns as soon as they could carry one and teaching them to fight. I used to think how sad that was and just shake my head with disdain. Now we do it in our country. These people are no different than any crazy Radical group. They are Radical crazy fundamentalist, no different than the Taliban.