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You are here: Home / Open Threads / Because of wow. / Tommy, can you hear me?

Tommy, can you hear me?

by DougJ|  May 11, 20132:38 pm| 35 Comments

This post is in: Because of wow., Green Balloons

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This was just as funny as you would think, maybe even funnier.

Okay, contest time. What would a Tom Friedman porn film be called? I nominate “Something Really Big Is Happening.”

— Matt Taibbi (@mtaibbi) May 1, 2013

I liked these the best, and probably would have picked the Lexus In Miss Jones (with Steve M’s Debbie Does Davos second).

• @raouldukeinLA’s The Lexus In Miss Jones was the best Friedman-inspired homage to classic porn, with Debbie Does Davos and the many submitted takes on Insatiable (Indecipherable, Incomprehensible, Unreadable, Inscrutable) also in the running. Beyond the Green-Technology Door was a nice and subtle late entry, but simply not gross and juvenile enough to be a winner in this contest.

But the real winner is….

The winner, of course, is Thomas Friedman himself, whose very next column after this contest was announced was entitled, “This Ain’t Yogurt.”

“Jesus Fucking Christ,” noted a friend, impressed. “This Ain’t Yogurt is more obscene than anything a mere commentator could think of.”

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Previous Post: « Worse Than Bush, Cont’d. (Open Thread)
Next Post: I’m a Jackass »

Reader Interactions

35Comments

  1. 1.

    scav

    May 11, 2013 at 2:41 pm

    The ‘Stash of Porn for the win must already have been said!

  2. 2.

    srv

    May 11, 2013 at 2:41 pm

    The Friedman Unit

  3. 3.

    Amir Khalid

    May 11, 2013 at 2:45 pm

    See me, feel me, touch me …

    No accident, of course.

  4. 4.

    burnspbesq

    May 11, 2013 at 2:46 pm

    What the Taxi Driver Saw

  5. 5.

    scav

    May 11, 2013 at 2:47 pm

    @Amir Khalid: If so, written by his taxi-driver per usual?

  6. 6.

    Keith

    May 11, 2013 at 2:48 pm

    The Mustache of Under-ramming
    Mustache Rides – $5 Million

  7. 7.

    Yatsuno

    May 11, 2013 at 2:48 pm

    You owe me a lifetime of therapy bills Taibbi. The image of Friedman having sex…Not. Enough. Brain. Bleach. In. The. World.

  8. 8.

    Suzanne

    May 11, 2013 at 2:49 pm

    The idea of Tom Friedman copulating at all just horrifies me so much that I can’t even think of anything funny.

    Oi.

  9. 9.

    Spaghetti Lee

    May 11, 2013 at 2:50 pm

    @burnspbesq:

    Oh, nice.

  10. 10.

    Richard

    May 11, 2013 at 2:52 pm

    So, what’s the word on the Arab street about the winning entry?

    Actually, considering the nature of the contest, I guess the term “winning entry” takes on additional meaning here.

  11. 11.

    Spaghetti Lee

    May 11, 2013 at 2:52 pm

    Rightsizing.

  12. 12.

    MaximusNYC

    May 11, 2013 at 2:52 pm

    I guess “Suck. On. This.” is too obvious?

  13. 13.

    Scotius

    May 11, 2013 at 2:57 pm

    I loved “The next six inches are critical.”

  14. 14.

    Mandalay

    May 11, 2013 at 3:01 pm

    @Richard:

    what’s the word on the Arab street

    I hate that phrase. It may only be three words long but it’s mindless, meaningless and racist.

  15. 15.

    MattR

    May 11, 2013 at 3:03 pm

    @Scotius: For some reason “Iran’s Greatest Weakness May Be Her Vagina” really gets me.

    So was Friedman actually decent in his early years and has become a caricature of himse4lf in later years? Or was he craptastic the whole time but people didn’t realize it right away? Put another way, is From Beirut to Jerusalem worth reading?

  16. 16.

    Redshift

    May 11, 2013 at 3:09 pm

    @Yatsuno:

    You owe me a lifetime of therapy bills Taibbi. The image of Friedman having sex…Not. Enough. Brain. Bleach. In. The. World.

    Just think of it as Friedman-inspired, or Friedman-written porn. Tell yourself he stays behind the camera, and it’ll be okay…

  17. 17.

    Libby

    May 11, 2013 at 3:09 pm

    Sorry I missed this contest. Kind of loved all the entries myself. And speaking of contests, I’m delurking briefly to ask for the BJers magic touch to help a local liberal radio host here in NC to get some funding for her show. A big vote could bring in some decent sponsors for her. It’s a one click, no registration required. Literally takes 3 seconds. Vote here please? Contest ends tomorrow.

  18. 18.

    Amir Khalid

    May 11, 2013 at 3:14 pm

    @scav:
    Uh no, it’s the next line in Tommy after the post headline.

  19. 19.

    Yatsuno

    May 11, 2013 at 3:17 pm

    @Libby: Done! Can we vote more than once?

  20. 20.

    Haydnseek

    May 11, 2013 at 3:18 pm

    I nominate the orgy scene in a small room involving minimally endowed females: “Hot, Flat, and Crowded.”

  21. 21.

    Warren Terra

    May 11, 2013 at 3:25 pm

    Let that be a lesson. You mess with the bull, you get the antlers . . .

    Hilariously Friedmanesque ending to Taibbi’s piece.

  22. 22.

    Patrick

    May 11, 2013 at 3:27 pm

    I’m sure “the next six months will be critical” will somehow be in the title.

  23. 23.

    Suzanne

    May 11, 2013 at 3:27 pm

    I laughed my ass off at “Your Pus-y Reminds Me Of An Anecdote My Indian Caddy Told Me On A Golf Course Overlooking A Pizza Hut Billboard”.

  24. 24.

    Baud

    May 11, 2013 at 3:30 pm

    Missed the contest. I’ll go with “Mastubatory Tails.”

    Of course, that would be my nomination regardless of which Village idiot we were talking about.

  25. 25.

    Libby

    May 11, 2013 at 3:35 pm

    @Yatsuno: Thanks. Yeah, you can vote once a day, but admit I’ve voted from twitter and then from FB and it let me vote twice in one day. But every vote helps her out. Would love to see her get back on the air.

  26. 26.

    M31

    May 11, 2013 at 3:38 pm

    Two Olives. One Tree.

  27. 27.

    Suzanne

    May 11, 2013 at 3:38 pm

    Anyway, I am stuck in moderation, but my favorite was “Your Pus-y Reminds Me Of An Anecdote My Indian Caddy Told Me On A Golf Course Overlooking A Pizza Hut Billboard”.

  28. 28.

    Steeplejack

    May 11, 2013 at 3:38 pm

    “This ain’t yogurt” should be a tag.

  29. 29.

    scav

    May 11, 2013 at 3:51 pm

    @Amir Khalid: That would explain my entire obliviousness and looking dense!

  30. 30.

    wasabi gasp

    May 11, 2013 at 4:16 pm

    That comeback is chambers full of awesome sauce.

  31. 31.

    David Koch

    May 11, 2013 at 4:25 pm

    “Lexus In Miss Jones”

    see, there used to be a hot blonde porn star named Lexus in the mid 90s.

  32. 32.

    Bobby Thomson

    May 11, 2013 at 6:05 pm

    Trying really hard not to laugh in this PVD restaurant But the tears are conspicuous.

    Good stuff.

  33. 33.

    Bobby Thomson

    May 11, 2013 at 6:05 pm

    Trying really hard not to laugh in this PVD restaurant But the tears are conspicuous.

    Good stuff.

  34. 34.

    Cervantes

    May 11, 2013 at 8:08 pm

    @MattR: “Craptastic the whole time” — but you knew that already, I bet.

  35. 35.

    Fred Fnord

    May 12, 2013 at 1:06 am

    Oh god oh god you BASTARD. You made me think of a Tom Friedman porn flick.

    Drugs. I need more drugs, stat.

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