Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

You can’t attract Republican voters. You can only out organize them.

You don’t get to peddle hatred on saturday and offer condolences on sunday.

Trump should be leading, not lying.

The fight for our country is always worth it. ~Kamala Harris

Is it irresponsible to speculate? It is irresponsible not to.

T R E 4 5 O N

This country desperately needs a functioning fourth estate.

Hey Washington Post, “Democracy Dies in Darkness” was supposed to be a warning, not a mission statement.

The arc of the moral universe does not bend itself. it is up to us to bend it.

Some judge needs to shut this circus down soon.

Celebrate the fucking wins.

Disappointing to see gov. newsom with his finger to the wind.

The line between political reporting and fan fiction continues to blur.

The unpunished coup was a training exercise.

When you’re a Republican, they let you do it.

It’s always darkest before the other shoe drops.

Fear or fury? The choice is ours.

Red lights blinking on democracy’s dashboard

Baby steps, because the Republican Party is full of angry babies.

Teach a man to fish, and he’ll sit in a boat all day drinking beer.

If you tweet it in all caps, that makes it true!

“What are Republicans afraid of?” Everything.

All hail the time of the bunny!

If you cannot answer whether trump lost the 2020 election, you are unfit for office.

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Reader Interactions

138Comments

  4. 4.

    YellowJournalism

    What a thoughtful sentiment! You should really be working for Hallmark, John.

  7. 7.

    Amir Khalid

    But, but … just yesterday, you said you were the jackass. I don’t understand.

  9. 9.

    cathyx

    What a grouch. I think John’s mother took away the breast milk too early when he was an infant.

  11. 11.

    IowaOldLady

    My son called me and sent me flowers. You can’t make me feel bad! I feel too good!

  16. 16.

    NotMax

    Should the need ever arise to change employ, scratch Fortune Cookie Writer off the list of potential positions now.

  18. 18.

    gnomedad

    @YellowJournalism:
    That would be a great GBCW: “That’s it, I’m done with you people. I’m shutting down the blog and taking the Hallmark Precious Moments offer.”

  19. 19.

    c u n d gulag

    And a happy day to you, you “mother!” ;-)

    He’s even SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO much cuter when he gets even angrier!!!

  21. 21.

    dance around in your bones

    Shattered, shattered
    Love and hope and sex and dreams
    Are still surviving on the street
    Look at me, I’m in tatters!
    I am shattered
    Shattered

    Happy Mother’s Day Mrs. Cole!

  22. 22.

    Irish Steel

    We need to get belieber/Derf up in this piece. Give you a taste of your own medicine, Cole.

  25. 25.

    Scout211

    Um, so I’m not sure what happened last night but I guess John is mad?

    However, my mother died 10 years ago in assisted living after a long deterioration into Alzheimer’s dementia, so I have already been through it.

    Telling me she hates me doesn’t even cut it after going through that.

    But nice try.

    PS. Did that bring out any guilt? No?

    Oh well. True story though.

  29. 29.

    Drunken hausfrau

    I am loving the Alan Cummings Macbeth ads… Bloody awesome!

    Time for mothers day cocktails… Scotch, I think.

  32. 32.

    James E. Powell

    I thought this blog had a strict “no talking about people’s moms” rule.

  34. 34.

    pat

    And yet he can restrain himself in a checkout line behind some poor woman trying to pay with a variety of foodstamps.

    Why are we so special?

  36. 36.

    Comrade Mary

    Hi guys! Just got back in from a late movie night with Le Guy and I’m wondering why everyone is fussing. I’ve only seen the (same) mobile site since last night and the main site doesn’t look different at all. Let me just hit Shift-Refresh.

    OK, and …. HOLY TAPDANCING, COCKSUCKING MOTHER OF GOD! WHAT THE FUCK HAVE YOU DONE TO — oh, wow, serifs for the headers. I like that.

    Carry on.

  37. 37.

    pat

    Just ordered my mothers day present from B&H Photo. A rolling camera case that will take me and my tripod and my cameras and lenses into the woods to photograph the wildflowers, and also on to international flights. Oh, and a Canon 100mm macro lens for said wildflowers. W00t!!!

  38. 38.

    NotMax

    @Drunken hausfrau

    Somehow reminded of the worst game of Charades ever.

    All the things to be acted out were written on slips of paper, thrown into a hat.

    Which did yours truly pick?

    “Macduff was from his mother’s womb untimely ripped.”

  39. 39.

    Redshift

    I am done dealing with relatives for the day, and that’s a good thing. No complaints about Mom, but I would be happier if certain other relatives were not included in the day’s activities…

  40. 40.

    Calming Influence

    “I hate you and your mother sucks and never loved you and I understand why. Jackasses.”

    God, you are just a reprehensible fuck. Every fucking bad son joke is based on you.

  43. 43.

    Sawgrass Stan

    So, if Noosemax publishes a pic of Tunch with a click-thru, will they get their money back? What if clicks from BJ link to a pic of Tunch at NM and clicking on it gives money to Michelle Bachman? Maybe you should just look for webads from Cat Fancy or something, becaz wir 2 stewpid 2 figur it owt.

  46. 46.

    Suffern ACE

    Why do I think these changes are just a set up to attract some woman named Daisy?

  47. 47.

    Svensker

    Well, logic fail. If my mother sucked then I’m glad she never loved me anyway. Ha ha, so there, and poop on your head.

  48. 48.

    elmo

    Fuck you, Cole. Not everyone is as fortunate as you, to have your parents still alive, and some of us are fucking grieving today and don’t need that shit. Normally I love you to death, including your irreverent humor, but if you were saying that shot to my face I’d break a bottle across your mouth.
    Fuck you.

  50. 50.

    lojasmo

    @elmo:

    Sorry for your loss, dude.

    As a nurse, I have the most fucked up take on death. Never experienced grief at the loss of my aunt, uncle, mom, or grandma.

    I mourned at their funerals, but never experienced grief.

    Weird stuff.

  52. 52.

    raven

    Joe Biden says it well:

    There will come a day, I promise you, and your parents, as well, when the thought of your son or daughter or your husband or wife brings a smile to your lips before it brings a tear to your eye,’ he said.

    ‘It will happen. My prayer for you is that day will come sooner or later. But the only thing I have more experience than you in is this: I’m telling you it will come.’

  53. 53.

    FlyingToaster

    @Redshift:

    You’re thinking of Mom Club.

    Werd.

    JC, dude, calm the fuck down. My mom doesn’t hate me anymore because she loves her grandaughter.

    I have to stop drinking so I can wake up WarriorGirl from the sofa and make her practice the damn violin.

    FlyingToaster +½

  54. 54.

    different-church-lady

    I’m sensing the irony has leeched out of this most recent offering.

  56. 56.

    Johnny Coelacanth

    People who complain about advertisements on the internet are too stupid to install Adblock and thus may be ignored.

  57. 57.

    Johnny Coelacanth

    @elmo: Your mom’s a ####. Sorry, don’t know what came over me. Must have been your pathetic emo.

  59. 59.

    Shortstop

    Yeah, well, nobody’s mother has ever loved me as loudly as yours did last night, Cole!

    Admittedly, this insult is less than effective being lobbed by a straight woman, but I gave it a try.

  61. 61.

    Yatsuno

    @MikeJ: SHUT YO MOUTH!!

    Oh and fuck you too JC, ya big lug. My mother’s a fucking saint who would kill for me.

  63. 63.

    Just Some Fuckhead

    Anyone seen Corner Stone? We were talking on the phone like we do every night when Golden Girls is on TVLand and he started wheezing and gasping and coughing. Then the line went dead. I think John may have choked him out with a strap-on.

  68. 68.

    Just Some Fuckhead

    @raven:

    Why do spectators run to the ball hit out of bounds in golf?

    A better question is why do people watch grown men hit a little white ball around the woods?

  71. 71.

    Nicole

    It’s okay John- my mom has been gone almost 32 years, and I laughed at your post. I’d like to say that I would drink a toast in my mom’s honor today, but seeing as how her favorite drink was Riunite on ice (NOT KIDDING), there are limits to my daughterly devotion.

    But, the grandson she never met sleeps with a latch hook panda pillow that she helped me make back when I was eight, and a sketch she made in high school of the statue of David hangs on my apartment wall, across from a crewel piece she made the year she died. I can cherish her and laugh at her at the same time now. Because Mom, Riunite? Really? I won’t even begin to go into what a bad cook she was (love you Mom, wherever you are, but you turned me off vegetables until I was in my 20s).

  73. 73.

    Mr Stagger Lee

    @raven: My personal butt hurt with golf, is that any moron, sitting on his ass watching TV, can call up the PGA and report any cock-up a golfer makes. And there are jerk-offs who just lives to pull stuff like it.

  77. 77.

    a hip hop artist from Idaho (fka Bella Q)

    @raven: Joe indeed puts it well. It’s always hard to believe it will come, but it does.

  78. 78.

    NotMax

    @jeffreyw

    Minor pet peeve.

    The term fajita comes from and refers solely to skirt steak.

    Menus calling chicken, pork, other cuts, etc., fajitas are culinary misdemeanors.

  85. 85.

    Birthmarker

    @Mr Stagger Lee: The fellow who reported Tiger was actually a former rules official or whatever you would call it. He knew the officials, so of course could reach them.You and me, not so much.

    JC, I’ve been travelling so missed the drama. The site redesign? I don’t hate it. (I normally hate redesigns)

  88. 88.

    LT

    Sergio takes a SEVEN on the par 3 17.

    Holy fuck, the dude just amde himself famous as a whiner and a choker.

  89. 89.

    Shortstop

    I have to call my cracker stepmama-in-law, who is sure to bring up Jesus’s saving love and Obama’s Islamic communism in equal amounts.
    But I am serene. Something wonderful happened today, besides the thing with Cole’s mom,
    I mean, and I am immune to agitation.

  90. 90.

    BillinGlendaleCA

    @raven: Don’t know, I only watched golf once. I was waiting for my GF and there was lots of drinking involved(I was drinking for two since she didn’t drink).

  93. 93.

    TS

    @Roger Moore:

    We love you, too, JGC. Now where’s our site update, and why haven’t you ditched the Newsmax crap yet?

    X99 – I stupidly read the newsmax report about why the markets are about to collapse – damn lies and statistics has nothing on that report. Now if they had written it early in 2008 …

  101. 101.

    Johnny Coelacanth

    @raven: Whatever you say, Raving. “Wah, my mommy’s dead, trigger warning before you cast insults onto random strangers, wah.” Fuck that Care Bear noise. The woman who raised me and loved me was lost to Alzheimer’s over a decade ago and I haven’t spoken to my real mom in about five years. I have no patience for people who want their balls fondled on the internet. whining.

  110. 110.

    Ruckus

    @Nicole:
    Mine wasn’t too bad on most veg except for brussel sprouts. I was convinced that these were the most fowl food on the planet, unfit for any mammal to consume, no matter how hungry they are. Poison blobs of green on a stem. Actual torture in the form of “food”. I still don’t like them but at least now I know how to cook them and will eat them if it is the last bit of food on earth.

  111. 111.

    Yatsuno

    @jeffreyw: KITTEHS!! Bebeh kittehs! Also too.

    Damn this sucks. My cat ran away a week and a half ago and no signs at the local pounds. I think she might be gone for good. :(

  114. 114.

    scav

    My mother and I just managed a long phone call about how weird each and every woman is on all possible sides of the family, and that takes time. We enjoyed it no end.

  115. 115.

    Chickamin Slam

    John Cole just needs another beer. Whenever I am in the area I’ll grab a growler of something for you. And then we can yell at the TV.

  116. 116.

    Shortstop

    @scav: god, that sounds like heaven. Right now I’m hearing about how if she’s wrong about Jesus, no harm done, but if I’m wrong, my final address will be 123 Burning Circle.

  120. 120.

    Ripley

    You do know that you can change out that tampon, Cole. It’s not supposed to be up there forever.

  123. 123.

    Nicole

    @Just Some Fuckhead:

    OMFG, people drank that?

    Oh yes. It was not until some years after she died that I realized that most people do not, in fact, put ice cubes in their wine.

    @Ruckus: My mother could not cook ANYTHING. Plus, she grew up very poor, so she was all about canned vegetables and powdered milk. Maybe she’d have been better if she wasn’t always using the cheapest ingredients possible. But I doubt it.

  126. 126.

    MomSense

    @Ruckus:

    Brussel sprouts need bacon!!! Roasted in the oven with bacon, shallots, olive oil, s&p, and the tiniest bit of balsamic whisked with the bacon fat when they come out of the oven.

    My kids devour them.

  127. 127.

    MomSense

    @Yatsuno:

    Oh no! I once had a cat who left for three months–came back skinny and missing an eye but lived to be about 20. I’m hoping your kitteh comes home safe and sound.

  128. 128.

    dave

    I assume your comments are coming out of some emotional pain you are going through today but please do not let your personal problems destroy this site.

  129. 129.

    dmbeaster

    Dude, I was gonna tell you to go look at the sky, but from your next post, you figured that out.

  130. 130.

    Steeplejack

    @raven:

    So they can be up close and personal when the golfer takes the next shot. If you were a golf fan, wouldn’t you like to be 10 feet away from Tiger when he takes a hard shot?

  137. 137.

    Ruckus

    @Nicole:
    Mine was actually a pretty good cook, except for brussel sprouts. Now she cooked other stuff I disliked, liver and onions, but the sprouts were just uneatable.

  138. 138.

    Ruckus

    @MomSense:
    The only time I’ve eaten them without a gun to my head was last year. Grilled with a touch of oil splashed on them and a little salt. Still not my favorite but eatable. I imagine that if you covered them with enough other flavors they might, just might be OK.

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