I’m on the town planning commission (yeah, I don’t know what they were thinking either), and we are working on getting rid of abandoned houses and other long term town improvements, so I am going to be heading to the BAD Buildings Summit sponsored by the Brownfields Assistance Center on the 12th. The all day conference starts at 9:30, and since I am four hours away I have decided I would rather shower in prison CHEW ON GLASS than wake up at 4 am and drive down there and then deal with perky people for eight hours who are all energetic and friendly and talkative while I am miserable and mainlining coffee, so I am going down the night before and may stay an extra night depending on how tired I am after the conference. In fact, I can almost verify I will be there the night after because my night vision has gotten really bad despite me taking bilberry and vitamin C every morning.
It’s mainly the glare- when I am driving at night and a car comes behind me, this being West Virginia, it’s going to be a pick-em-up truck or SUV which just blinds me in the mirror. But even then, I hate driving at night because of all the deer and drunks and well, I hate driving at night.
So, if anyone is in the area and wants to hook up for dinner and drinks, let me know.
Redshirt
Teeth optional!
Punchy
You can be in WV, drive FOUR hours, and still be in WV? I had no idea the state was that big.
John Cole
I hate all of you. Pre-emptive comment.
ulee
@Redshirt: you’re so clever. like Tucker Carlson.
Corner Stone
How about my future betrothed, the beautiful young lady with the mischievous smile? She of the fake Native American belt ?
I’ll be happy to arrive if I can buy her a cup of coffee somewhere. I won’t even make any fresh melon jokes.
Ok, I may make a few melon jokes. No promises.
Ted & Hellen
Hook up?
muddy
@Ted & Hellen: I don’t think you’re his type.
Amanda in the South Bay
I wish you’d stop with the prison rape jokes.
cbear
@Punchy: It’s shaped in a circle and the sides curve up to discourage the in-breds from leaving and lowering the states’ average IQ.
I thought everyone knew that.
cbear
@Amanda in the South Bay: Don’t read them if you don’t like them.
Simple.
Steeplejack
@cbear:
You can’t see them until you’ve already read them.
cbear
@John Cole: So you’re on the planning commission, huh?
Have you guys discussed branding the sheep that kick as a public safety measure?
Redshift
@Punchy: Well, it’s all mountains, so you can’t really drive in anything close to a straight line to anywhere.
Ted & Hellen
Amanda, delicate flower speech police much?
As I’m so often told, if you don’t like what’s written here, get a blog of your own.
NotMax
Vitamin C?
Carotene and vitamin A for scotopic (low-light) vision..
Carrots, lad, carrots.
Also kale, spinach, sweet potatoes, romaine, cantaloupe, mangoes, broccoli and apricots..
scav
Between the incest jokes, the redneck jokes, the statesizist jokes, the pre-emptive universal hatred declarations and the recreational pedantry, it’s good to know where the boundaries are. Don’t mention soap.
cbear
@Steeplejack: Then don’t read Cole’s threads if you’re offended. And if that doesn’t work, then consider not visiting the blog.
I’m sorry Steep, I know you’re a longtime reader, but at some point this PC bullshit will negate the free-wheeling, open nature of BJ that many of us really enjoy and that made us longtimers to begin with.
Svlad Jelly
Even our interstates have hairpin turns.
jl
@Punchy:
” You can be in WV, drive FOUR hours, and still be in WV? ”
I think Cole lives in that pointy part thingee that sticks up damn near into New York City. Or Pittsburgh, or something.
“dinner and drinks”
What’s on the menu, squirrel brains, ‘possum, or bawr?
ulee
Cole, good job changing the prison shower language. It’s adolescent. Now to work on making up stories about conversations with women in the supermarket. You can do it.
scav
@NotMax: That combo would take a lot of lurking in vegetable aisles to accumulate, although one might pick some up cheap after getting brained with them.
Weren’t carrots found to be entirely a fiction by the war board or something?
? Martin
@Punchy:
There’s only one road that snakes around the state. Saves money on traffic lights.
Redshirt
@jl: Fricassed chipmunk skewers with fresh deviled crow eggs for appetizer, then tossed deep fried roadkill on a bed of dandelions for the main course, with a desert of cough syrup and meth.
muddy
I’ve been told that you can refresh nearly any roadkill for the table with judicious use of kerosene and lye.
jl
@Redshirt: Dayum. Get enough ‘drinks’, er, 400 proof moonshine in me first, I’d try that menu.
Odie Hugh Manatee
@Redshirt:
Know how to skin a chipmunk? .30-06. Ya gotta look for it afterward though.
TheMightyTrowel
@Redshift: Is that the mountains or is that the moonshine?
BillinGlendaleCA
Cole: Do try to wear pants this time.
jl
@muddy:
You boil pre-dead “found meat” in vinegar for a few hours, or a day. Olde tymey Alaska trappers, prospectors and other half crazed long distance cross country travelers up there told me that.
Though don’t tell the WVers that pre-dead “found meat” is almost always free range, it will disturb the GOPers and wreck their meals.
Edit: What, no ramps!?
Redshift
@cbear: Yeah, how dare someone complain about something that doesn’t bother you!
Maybe it isn’t a slippery slope to no-fun land, and there’s actually a middle ground where “freewheeling” doesn’t mean “everyone who doesn’t enjoy rape jokes should go away.”
muddy
@NotMax: I think blue eyes naturally don’t see as well at night.
NickT
@Amanda in the South Bay:
Well said. Rape isn’t a joking matter, despite the perpetual adolescents among us.
maya
Seeing as it’s West Virginny, at night don’t you also run the risk of driving into an open pit mine ? Or a slag heap? Kinda like Scranton? Often thought it was the ultimate inside joke to set The Office in Scranton. Haven’t been there in about 50 years but I’ll bet the steam still rises off those heaps.
muddy
@jl: When I was in NC people would tell me about all these things they’d do to their venison to make it taste right: like beef. Vinegar was one of them, but there was worse. I made up the lye and kerosene as a category that covered all the bizarre rituals I heard of.
The waste of all that perfectly good venison was distressing.
eemom
I think I would actually drive the 4 hours to WV just to experience the legendary Cole in person, if I didn’t have a kid graduating from HS and a fucking high stress job with a bunch of deadlines that week.
So sue me. bwaahaaahaahaaa.
NickT
@Redshift:
It’s always fascinating to see how advocates of “free” speech have no problem whatsoever telling other people to leave what they’ve come to define as “their” space.
Ted & Hellen
Prison shower rape jokes are awesome.
If you don’t like them, you should go away.
Ted & Hellen
@NickT:
Oh, I get that all the time. It’s part of the charm of BJ. A heavy contingent of control freak Bots who are desperate to feel some sort of power over others, even if it’s just policing inconsequential speech on a blog. Perpetually offended, this is how they achieve completion.
jl
@muddy:
Why did they want venison to taste like beef? Why didn’t they buy beef?
Anyway, you boil up skanky carrion in vinegar for a few hours. People who had to do that tell it fixes it right up fine (for survival, at least).
NotMax
@maya
Scranton is beauteous in comparison to nearby Carbondale, not far down the pike.
Ugliest town I’ve ever been to or through. (Although several places in New Jersey – cough Bayonne cough – are strong contenders for for ugliness in the East.)
cbear
@Redshift: Bullshit! There are lots of things that some FP’ers write on this blog that offend the hell out of me. I choose not to read them, rather than tell them repeatedly how much I’m offended. It’s your choice what you read and what you respond to, but just because YOU don’t care for something does not mean it offends the rest of us.
If everybody policed their own language and actions rather than that of others, we’d all be a hell of a lot better off.
ruemara
I’ve read Cole’s post a couple of times, maybe it’s the stress or trying to keep my eyes on the broadcast cameras, but I thought the joke was the horribleness of communal showers. I know that stressed me out as a kid. People are rather filthy in bulk. And rape is hilarious, especially the PSTDs.
NickT
@cbear:
Said the person who has been screaming at other posters to change their language and actions.
muddy
@jl: I don’t know why they didn’t just get beef, it was nuts. I love venison. I guess deer are closer to free?
Ted & Hellen
Actually, and to be honest, I need to tell you all this: Just seeing the word “shower” in the above post has traumatized me and I hold Cole responsible.
Once, long ago, I was washing myself, in a SHOWER, and one of my soap-lubricated fingers slipped into my rectum. I have never been the same.
Please don’t make me speak of this again.
cbear
@NickT: Screaming at other posters?
What, are you high? I stated my opinion.
You’re right though, it’s a circular argument no matter which side you’re on, isn’t it?
NickT
@cbear:
You stated your opinion with a flame-thrower, dude. And yes, your side of the argument is circular.
maya
@NotMax: Ha! Lived in Jersey City for 6 years. Know Bayonne, the gateway to Staten Island and underage drinking (then 18 NY vs 21 in the Jerz.)
And Carbondale and Olyphant…… and god I feel sorry for those guys who make their living as moles.
cbear
@NickT: Whatever dude.
Here’s what I’m not going to do—engage in one of those endless circular BJ arguments where one person says “but you said x in comment #…” and then “No I didn’t”
IOW I’m just not into it tonite. That ok with you?
eemom
Behold: the miraculous transformation in evidence on this post, wherein the erstwhile Misanthrope John Cole who not so long ago would have, um, chewed glass before volunteering to meet any of us at a fire hydrant beside a burning building……has transformed into this wondrous new Man of the People John Cole, who is graciously offering his company to all comers….is being totally ignored cuz y’all are arguing about the prison rape thing.
Just so it’s on the record ‘zall.
maya
@eemom: Clinton/ Cole ’16
cbear
@eemom: LOL, we finally found something we agree on eemom. I was thinking the same thing about Cole’s coming out.
Redshirt
Squirrelkabobs.
Redshirt
@cbear: Cole finally came out?! Where did I miss this announcement?!
Steeplejack
@cbear:
Thanks for the lecture. I was not being “PC”; I was responding to your flip and asshole-ish response to Amanda. You recommended that she do something that it is manifestly impossible to do, i.e., know the content before reading the content.
Ridge
As one of the few (if only) native WV readers, I’ll try to make it to Charleston on the 11th. The ability to meet a real, live Internet personalty is too good to pass up. Used to live there but all my bars are gone or changed hands.
Maybe I can get John not to be such a wimp and worry about what commenters say. He needs to get in touch with his inner hillbilly say”Screw all of ya”.
R
RevRick
I could only read about the first 24 comments. Tears clouded my eyes from laughing so hard! You guys are awesome!
Wvskir
I was so disappointed to have missed John at Bill Mahler’s show at Waterfront. Will make the 3 hour drive for this chance and would go even farther to meet Lily.
E
As someone who actually has showered in prison, it made perfect sense to me. There’s nothing fun or relaxing about it.
raging red
Long-time reader, rare commenter (unless it’s a post about pepper mills).
A meet-up in my town and I’ll be in DC that week? Well crap. But a certain WV blogger formerly known as Hippie Killer would probably be willing to leave the house to drink beers and eat at one of our fine, non-roadkill-serving establishments, John.
Nick
Any room for a daily reader/almost-never commenter at this thing?
DrBobby
Still cataracts don’t heed no vitamines
kindness
Vitamin K helps with night vision John.
JR in WV
John
I’m 37 minutes southwest of CRW and often go to town for dinner out. So just say when and where.
JR
Zirgar
When you’re in Charleston, try the 5 Corner’s Cafe, over on the west side of town. The Bleu Cheese Bacon Cheeseburger is probably the best burger around, and the other menu items are simple, extremely well-done and delicious. The place just expanded and now has a bar, so it might just be what the doctor ordered. I think it’s only open from 17:00 – 21:00, on weeknights, though.
JR in WV
@Punchy:
Actually, from Bramwell, Welch, or Gilbert all the way to Martinsburg without leaving the state (or even to Wheeling/Bethany) takes more like 8 hours. 7:42 to Martinsburg WV mostly in the state it appears, and 6:52 to Bethany.