Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

No offense, but this thread hasn’t been about you for quite a while.

The cruelty is the point; the law be damned.

Whoever he was, that guy was nuts.

75% of people clapping liked the show!

Within six months Twitter will be fully self-driving.

There are consequences to being an arrogant, sullen prick.

Dear media: perhaps we ought to let Donald Trump speak for himself!

The real work of an opposition party is to hold the people in power accountable.

It’s a good piece. click on over. but then come back!!

Imperialist aggressors must be defeated, or the whole world loses.

A norm that restrains only one side really is not a norm – it is a trap.

Let’s bury these fuckers at the polls 2 years from now.

Be a wild strawberry.

Everybody saw this coming.

… pundit janitors mopping up after the gop

Fucking consultants! (of the political variety)

SCOTUS: It’s not “bribery” unless it comes from the Bribery region of France. Otherwise, it’s merely “sparkling malfeasance”.

Since when do we limit our critiques to things we could do better ourselves?

rich, arrogant assholes who equate luck with genius

Prediction: the gop will rethink its strategy of boycotting future committees.

The republican speaker is a slippery little devil.

They want us to be overwhelmed and exhausted. Focus. Resist. Oppose.

Weird. Rome has an American Pope and America has a Russian President.

Do not shrug your shoulders and accept the normalization of untruths.

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Open Thread

by | 187 Comments

This post is in: 

Internet has been out since midnight last night, so I am jacking some free wifi for now, but will probably be in and out for the rest of the night.

Did something out of character today. I was at the grocery, and there was this smoking hot 40 something woman in running shorts and a tank top with deep blue eyes and dark black hair and a perfect tan, and I ran into her in the produce section and, since I have no internal monologue, I just blurted out “Not to be creepy and stalkerish, but you’re just beautiful.” She blushed, and just told me “Thanks, it’s been a lousy day and that was really nice.”

And then we went our separate ways, which was nice, because I didn’t want to get brained with a sack of Vidalia onions by a strange woman in better shape than me. Because that would have sucked.

That was really random behavior on my part.

What are you all up to? And would you womenfolk consider that creepy or stalkerish? Or sexist? I have a hard time keeping track of what is and is not appropriate behavior, but I thought a passing comment like that was acceptable (not that I thought about it before I said it, I’m justifying my blurting that out post hoc).

Reader Interactions

187Comments

  1. 1.

    pokeyblow

    Good for you. If you happen to see her on cougarlife, please post her user id.

  3. 3.

    TooManyJens

    And would you womenfolk consider that creepy or stalkerish? Or sexist?

    It would depend on the vibe I got from the guy. If I had to guess, I would say you probably didn’t come off as creepy because you like and respect women. Also, you didn’t try to use the compliment to get more of her attention. It was probably a little weird for her, but apparently nice-weird.

  5. 5.

    raven

    Decent news on out addition. We met with the utilities people and they are going to replace the main line at their expense. It’s a combination of their fail on the mapping, our builders fail on checking and our rosy presentation. It will set us back 6 months but we’re cool with that. Lots of great feedback from the BJ treasure trove of expertise.
    thanks

  7. 7.

    Tonal (visible) Crow

    so I am jacking some free wifi for now

    Your federal indictment for violating the Computer Fraud and Abuse Act is pending.

  9. 9.

    Mousebumples

    That doesn’t seem too bad. You meant it as a compliment, and it seems like she took it in that vein.

    Now, walking up to her and saying, “What do you think about these blueberries? Would you want them in your pancakes tomorrow morning?” … that might get you beaned with a sack of onions.

  10. 10.

    cathyx

    Since you then left, I wouldn’t be creeped out by it. if you then followed me around the store, yes. Did she have a ring on her finger?

  13. 13.

    Jerzy Russian

    I didn’t want to get brained with a sack of Vidalia onions by a strange woman

    From what I can gather, you don’t need anyone’s help getting injured.

    On topic: I think people appreciate sincere compliments. I guess it depends on the exact circumstances on when people (ladies especially) get creeped out.

  14. 14.

    GregB

    Exclusive closed circuit camera recording of John Cole making his moves in the produce department.

    Link.

  15. 15.

    Tonal (visible) Crow

    @Baud: …don’t ya’ be no square, if you can’t find a partner use a wooden chair….

  16. 16.

    JPL

    I’m reading Those Angry Days by Lynne Olson. It’s about those who wanted to enter the WWII and the isolationists particularly Lindbergh vs FDR. Was it recommended by a BJ’er and if so thank you!

  18. 18.

    pokeyblow

    As an experiment, you should have said you planned to coerce her into pregnancy.

  20. 20.

    jl

    ” And would you womenfolk consider that creepy or stalkerish? “:

    I am not a womanfolk, but I would guess that if the lady does not want to strike up a converstation, don’t follow her around the produce section. That’s a fairly simple rule I think Cole could remember.

    And, if you are in the fruit section, maybe ask the grocer whteher those melons are as ripe and juicy as they look, not the lady. Lest there be any unfortunate misunderstanding.

    I think Cole is safe if he follows those rules, and should feel free to act out of character more often.

  21. 21.

    Gravenstone

    There she stood in living color, standin’ all alone.
    So I walked up to her, I say, “How do you do?”
    And she said, “I don’t”

  27. 27.

    Politically Lost

    Checking in as proof of life after knee replacement surgery.

    +2 (morphine)

  28. 28.

    maya

    Just as long as you didn’t comment about the look and feel of the melons that the store had it stock, you did OK.

  29. 29.

    Tonal (visible) Crow

    @pokeyblow:

    As an experiment, you should have said you planned to coerce her into pregnancy.

    He could try a whole series of experiments along this line:

    1. “Hi there purty thang, can ya’ tell me if there’s such a thing as ‘honest rape’?”

    2. “Hi there purty thang, d’ya think there’s somethin’ wrong wid tha’ wife always a’ bein’ home and raisin’ th’ kids?”

    3. “Hi there purty thang, would ya’ like ta’ pack some heat wit’ me?”

    4. “Hi there purty thang, wanna come hear my preacher dad put th’ fear a’ hellfire in them there sinners?”

    5. “Hi there purty thang, don’t ya’ think I look like Rick Perry?”

  30. 30.

    peggy

    Compliments are tricky. “You’d be so beautiful if you smiled” is obnoxious because it is requiring a response. I, a very overweight woman, tend to resent hearty encouragement when hiking up mountains, but I don’t say anything negative.

    Complimenting and then leaving at least doesn’t require her to fend you off and is perhaps neutral. These things are probably regional- in New England people nod but they don’t speak.

  34. 34.

    jl

    Which reminds me, out here in yuppie neighborhoods on the Left Coast, supermarkets are popular get out and try to meet somebody pick up spots (is that lingo, yuppie, current or do these damn kids use something?)

    Did Cole try to strike up a conversation? Or not?

    Her response to just one normal person type follow-up question should give you a good idea..

    So here is Cole wondering if he is creepy. But, maybe he broke some poor woman’s heart!

  38. 38.

    Tonal (visible) Crow

    @Dolly Llama: Hahahahahaha! I love this part:

    A spokesman for McCain said none of the people he met identified themselves as Nour and it had not been his intention to meet anyone of that name.

    So Sen. Stupid, ya think that some, ya know, al Qauda members might come up and ask for arms if we start supplying them, and that they might say, “Hi! I honest rebel fighting Ass-add, dear American, not terrorist!” instead of confessing their membership in al Qaeda? Ya think?

  39. 39.

    NickT

    “Not to be creepy and stalkerish”

    Even Shakespeare had to start somewhere, but I really feel that your opening phrase could use some work. It’s not even in iambic pentameter, damnit!

  41. 41.

    terraformer

    Hell no, man. If you can’t tell a woman that she’s beautiful, well, then something’s wrong with the world. And you never know how that might turn out – perhaps a conversation, some dinner, and who knows what else? The fact that she said what she did should be proof enough that it’s okay to say that.

  42. 42.

    Baud

    @Dolly Llama:

    Some creative Internet prankster needs to start disseminating photoshopped images of McCain posing with history’s greatest villains.

  45. 45.

    Gravenstone

    @Baud: I’m just waiting for a lurker to step forward and identify herself as the woman in question. Then all bets are off as to where that conversation goes.

  48. 48.

    PsiFighter37

    I think it’s only creepy if you would have asked her if she wanted to taste your mustard.

  49. 49.

    schrodinger's cat

    Sometimes a compliment from a total stranger can make your day. What you said doesn’t seem creepy or stalkerish to me. I have noticed that women give specific compliments, example, I like your boots, where did you get them from; while men tend to compliment your general appearance, you like nice, etc.

    BTW I finally wrote the last installment of my travels through Philly. WP eated it the last time I tried to post it.

  50. 50.

    the Conster

    On one of the more depressing days of my life, a complete stranger told me something nice that I remember to this day. You done good, Cole.

  51. 51.

    Sad_Dem

    @NickT: “iambic pentameter”:

    If I said you have a nice body, dear,
    in the produce section of this market,
    would you hold it against me, or would you
    hit me with a 5-pound bag of onions?

  53. 53.

    Linnaeus

    Compliments to strangers, as a commenter mentioned above, can be tricky. Me, I probably wouldn’t have said that unless some rapport had been established, which isn’t likely to happen with random encounters in the grocery store. In this case, it seems to have worked out and she took it well, but you have to be careful because she could just as well have recently dealt with a creepy guy and might have thought, “oh, great, another one.”

    Which is not to say that you did anything wrong. But I’ve gotten more careful about encounters like that as I’ve gotten older and learned more and more from women I know about what they have had to deal with from random guys.

  54. 54.

    Just Some Fuckhead

    My standard for that sort of behavior is “Is it gender-neutral?” Would I be willing to say that to a dude? If the answer is no, then it isn’t acceptable to say it to a female.

  57. 57.

    Dolly Llama

    @Tonal (visible) Crow: The awful thing is, he’s probably going to fire somebody on his staff because of it. Seriously, he went over there and demonstrated the VERY FUCKING REASON why we shouldn’t go over there.

  60. 60.

    Dee Loralei

    Aww, I woulda been happy with that compliment. From her response, it sounds like she was too. Good on you Cole for making some woman’s day.

  62. 62.

    MikeJ

    @Sad_Dem:

    Oh Dearest one you know I like those things
    you got beneath your sweater vest

    (followed by kissey noises)
    mw-Ahh mw-Ahh mw-Ahh mw-Ahh mw-Ahh

  63. 63.

    Odie Hugh Manatee

    @Tonal (visible) Crow:

    I like to login to unsecured wireless networks and change the SSID to “SecureMeNow”. I’ve thought of changing them to “FreePorn” but I’m not that mean.

    @jl:

    At least he didn’t ask her what she thought of his cucumber.

  66. 66.

    Higgs Boson's Mate

    The American Hotel
    Part 2

    Baudelaire was sitting
    in a doorway with a wino
    on San Fransisco’s skid row.
    The wino was a million
    years old and could remember
    dinosaurs.
    Baudelaire and the wino
    were drinking Petri Muscatel.
    ‘One must always be drunk,’
    said Baudelaire.
    ‘I live in the American Hotel,’
    said the wino. ‘And I can
    remember dinosaurs.’
    ‘Be you drunken ceaselessly,’
    said Baudelaire.

    Richard Brautigan, The Galilee Hitch-Hiker

  67. 67.

    Steeplejack

    @Politically Lost:

    Glad the ordeal is over. I know you had a lot of anxiety about it. Hope the rehab/recovery goes well. Be sure to do everything your physical therapist says, even especially if it hurts.

  68. 68.

    different-church-lady

    …I didn’t want to get brained with a sack of Vidalia onions by a strange woman in better shape than me.

    They have clubs for that.

  69. 69.

    Amir Khalid

    I was going to say something about that sentence in the second paragraph that goes on and on and on, but then again maybe I’d better not.

    It seems to me that the boundary between a stranger’s compliment and a masher’s come-on is beyond any man’s ability to discern (or maybe it’s just my own social awkwardness). It depends on how safe/not safe the woman feels, how you seem to her, what her day’s been like so far, and so on. There’s always some risk that even the most well-meant remark will attract that sackful of Vidalia onions.

  71. 71.

    khead

    Here’s a helpful guide as experienced by Mrs. Khead:

    One set of comments to the nice lady in a single aisle? Ok.

    Following the nice lady from aisle to aisle? Not so cool.

  74. 74.

    Just Some Fuckhead

    John is she still blushing hanging from the rafters of your basement? Because that’s a sure sign it might be love.

  75. 75.

    rea

    @NickT: “Not to be creepy and stalkerish, but” is iambic pentameter, but admittedly the rest doesn’t scan . . .

  77. 77.

    Linnaeus

    @Amir Khalid:

    It seems to me that the boundary between a stranger’s compliment and a masher’s come-on is beyond any man’s ability to discern (or maybe it’s just my own social awkwardness). It depends on how safe/not safe the woman feels, how you seem to her, what her day’s been like so far, and so on. There’s always some risk that even the most well-meant remark will attract that sackful of Vidalia onions.

    I don’t think it’s awkwardness. I think this is pretty accurate.

  78. 78.

    BarbCat

    Wow I got here way too late but your modest intro and lack of followup (aka stalking) makes it a really nice thing. You’re aokay John Cole.

  81. 81.

    Violet

    You probably made her day. Since you left after that, it’s not stalkerish. Just a bit unexpected and nice.

  82. 82.

    Higgs Boson's Mate

    Cole’s post is amusing. At age 65 I glide invisibly among women.

  83. 83.

    BrianM

    Some years ago, I was at an Allison Krause concert (back when she was just a local talent). After the concert, I did something I’d never done before: I told a woman she had a beautiful face. Then I awkwardly backed off.

    We’ve been married for more than 20 years.

  84. 84.

    Violet

    I thought you lived in a small town. How is there some hot, 40-ish woman that you don’t know shopping at your grocery store?

  85. 85.

    ellie

    I would be flattered. I just get stared at enough that I think there must be something wrong with me. No one ever says anything though.

  86. 86.

    TooManyJens

    “Not to be creepy and stalkerish, but” is iambic pentameter

    Not unless Cole speaks with a very strange cadence.

    If it were iambic pentameter, the stressed syllables would be:

    “Not TO be CREEPy AND stalkERish, BUT…”

    Which would, in fact, be creepy.

  88. 88.

    jl

    @rea:

    How is this for a sentimental, guarded poetic compliment that cannot be misintrepreted?

    Not to be creepy and stalkerish, but…
    And I wouldn’t say it if you were a slut,
    It doesn’t mean I just want to rut,
    but your’re so pretty…. I’m not a nut!

    Cole would probably have to turn around and run away to give it the full dramatic effect, and for consistency with the subtext. But, knowing him, he would fall down (edit: and hurt himself).

    And then… the woman would have to rescue him.

    Makes for a nice ‘cute meet’, if you ask me.

  89. 89.

    Sean

    @Tonal (visible) Crow:

    Huh. So John McCain went to Syria and was caught pallin’ around with terrorists.

    Good to know. I’m sure Hannity and Limbaugh will both lead with that information on their next broadcasts.

  91. 91.

    Elly

    John:

    I’ve received such compliments in the past, and – in general – don’t mind them if: a) the compliment is generic and directed at me, vs. parts of my body; b) the giver’s facial expression and/or body language aren’t communicating any disrespect (leering/smirking; getting too close; blocking my path of travel, etc.); and c) the compliment is “free” – that is, the giver doesn’t attach any expectations to it (this last is vital: although it’s never happened to me, I’ve seen plenty of stories of men becoming threatening and abusive to women who fail to acknowledge their compliments).

  92. 92.

    Jim, Foolish Literalist

    @Sean: Hell, Gregory, Stephanpolous or Schieffer would/will only mention it in passing as he bangs his war drum

  93. 93.

    John Cole

    @Violet:

    I thought you lived in a small town. How is there some hot, 40-ish woman that you don’t know shopping at your grocery store?

    There are 400 people in my town when school is not in session. We have a local general store, but for a real grocery I have to go to Wheeling or Weirton (where I was today).

  94. 94.

    greenergood

    If somebody walked up to me and said what Cole said, and then just walked away, I think I would faint with happiness (though at my age and shape it’s not likely – I’m thinking of my earlier life) . Unconditional compliments are just so rare and so fun. I’ve never been brave enough to compliment people on their looks, but I do make a point of going up to someone, female (mostly) or male, if I like what they’re wearing – a beautiful coat or bag or sweater, etc. – and just say Excuse me, I can’t help noticing, etc. etc. – I’m in my mid-50s – non-threatening, and moved by beauty or amazing design; it’s so funny to see how people are happy to talk about the feature that’s brought about a compliment.

  96. 96.

    ranchandsyrup

    My buddy’s wife came home from the store walking on air (believe it or not). Some college kid asked her if she knew where the hot sauce was and then insisted that she indeed knew where it was when she professed she didn’t.

  99. 99.

    the Conster

    @Dolly Llama:

    Reason number eleventy billion why we’re so lucky to have President Obama. How many wars would we be in now? To say nothing about Snowbilly Snooki sic’ing the IRS on anyone who was ever mean to her. Bullets have been dodged.

  103. 103.

    muddy

    @Violet: I agree, sounded nicely done. I have had some really horrible supermarket approaches, mainly in the produce and meat dept.

  105. 105.

    Violet

    @John Cole: Ah, okay. I remember living in WV. I too had to go to another town to go to the grocery store. The one where I lived was an oversized convenience store.

  107. 107.

    pokeyblow

    The Marina Safeway in San Francisco had a reputation as a hot pick-up spot for singles. I actually think there was one night a week which was informally understood to be “prime time.”

    I never had any luck there, but didn’t see many other people having luck either. Perhaps an urban legend altogether.

  112. 112.

    Chris

    Semi OT..but it IS an open thread. I spent a few hours with my wingnutty divorced cousin. (very wealthy ex..she still litigating to settle up with him and is temporarily living the life of the 99%) But is this CEO/1% Idolatry endemic to the reichtards?? I mean every word was..Its THEIR money…THEY made it..Nobody can tell them what to do with it!! And 2000 variations of “how many poor people have given you a job?” And how rich people..and only rich people make the economy go around with their purchases of luxury vehicles boats and houses….Man talk about completely brainwashed. They have done a fine job preparing their people for the coming feudal state.

  113. 113.

    Mr Stagger Lee

    Ahh The Flopappalooza festival between Indiana and Miami starts soon.

  114. 114.

    muddy

    @Higgs Boson’s Mate: I guess you don’t live in my town. I am apt to chat up teenage boys all the way to dodderers (you are not near the dodderer age)

    Then again I will chat up women and children as well, altho without the same gleam in the eye probably. ;) I compliment people a lot. On the other hand, I am also the 1st one to yell at someone to hurry up and complete their business when they are making others wait.

  116. 116.

    Tara the Antisocial Social Worker

    I tend to dislike strange men commenting on my appearance in any way. If it’s someone who knows me, great.

    As several women upthread have said, intent (or perceived intent) does matter: if the tone/body language are leering and disrespectful, or the comment is done in a loud attention-getting way, it’s definitely more likely to give offense. It probably does come across that you weren’t trying to disrespect her boundaries.

    If she’d chosen to ignore you or tell you to get lost, bear in mind that she’s probably had a zillion experiences where the harmless-sounding compliment was used as an opener for making demands on her. I’ve had guys start innocent-sounding conversations and then get weird when I wouldn’t give my phone number/flirt/go straight home with him.

  117. 117.

    Bo Alawine

    John, do you really do these things or are you just trolling your readers? LOL!

    If you lived here in MS, I would give you the benefit of the doubt. Then again, if you lived here in MS, you probably would’ve misspelled half the words in your post.

  118. 118.

    thoughtcrime

    @JPL:

    You’re welcome. The interview was quite interesting, so I figured someone here might check out the book.

  119. 119.

    Hal

    @pokeyblow: I heard the same. Marina and market street, though I think market was more for the gays and gayelles.

    I always thought marina was too small and crowded personally.

  120. 120.

    JWL

    “And would [women] consider that creepy or stalkerish? Or sexist?”.

    It boils down to tone of voice, Cole.

    Both, too, were also a gentleman.

    But do you sound more like Barry White, or Don Knotts?

  121. 121.

    pokeyblow

    @Hal: Yeah. I wondered whether there was a gay scene at the Marina store (I’m straight and lived in Russian Hill), but never really saw that. The Market Street store makes perfect sense.

    Anyway, I never observed anything very exciting there. Last time I was in there, it struck me also as small, a bit dingy actually.

  122. 122.

    jl

    @Omnes Omnibus:

    ” Were you wearing pants? ”

    Cole is wearing pants again? I thought he lost them.

    OK, that makes the story more believable in some ways, but Cole’s post less so..
    The BJ blog is so full of mystery.

  125. 125.

    muddy

    I’m just glad to see John is coming out of his shyness to address strangers. Last spring I was travelling nearby and offered to take him out, but he was too shy to meet up. I even sent him a pic of my cute redheaded and freckled self so he could see I was not a troll. But I am maybe too elder anyway, he did say I looked good for my age (ouch).

  126. 126.

    JPL

    @thoughtcrime: I only read 100 pages and a few things became apparent to me. Lindbergh was quite a force not only in this country but in England and I didn’t realize how opposed the public was to entering WWII.

  127. 127.

    thoughtcrime

    @pokeyblow:

    I was going to mention the Marina Safeway. It did have quite a reputation for that a while back. I believe pickup night was Tuesday, and the mating ritual involved wearing your workout/jogging outfits and bumping shopping carts to show interest. Don’t know about the action now. I remember the last time I shopped there, Sandy Alderson was at the cashier in front of me. That’s how long ago it was (early ’90’s?)

  128. 128.

    Nerdlinger

    @JPL: Did Laffer basically argue that we should raise the effective tax rate on the rich by closing loopholes? Huh, go figure. And that was quite a performance by Krugman. Didn’t realize he was such a good speaker.

  129. 129.

    thoughtcrime

    @JPL:

    One of the factors was the public still remembered WWI and didn’t want to fight someone else’s war…over there.

  130. 130.

    ulee

    @muddy: Not to be stalkerish and creepy but do you ever make it to Maine? I love red headed freckled women.

  131. 131.

    JPL

    @Nerdlinger: He wants to lower the over all rate though. Both earned and unearned income would have to be taxed the same. Who is Brian Crowley and why is he such an idiot. He must not realize that the poverty level is rising in the United States.

  134. 134.

    Narcissus

    Remember when produce departments had those hanging scales

    man that was a trip

  138. 138.

    ulee

    @muddy: Vermont’s not that far away. Let me throw a few things in my suitcase, gather the dogs, unplug the coffee pot and I’ll see you this weekend.

  142. 142.

    YoohooCthulhu

    @pokeyblow:

    The Marina Safeway in San Francisco had a reputation as a hot pick-up spot for singles. I actually think there was one night a week which was informally understood to be “prime time.”

    Pretty sure it’s an urban legend; I’ve had friends test it multiple days a week and no dice. But it’s an appealing myth and hard to disprove so it makes sense it spreads.

  143. 143.

    Odie Hugh Manatee

    @JWL: “But do you sound more like Barry White, or Don Knotts Jim Nabors (Gomer Pyle)?”

    Fix’t. ;)

    @muddy: “But I am maybe too elder anyway, he did say I looked good for my age (ouch).”

    Oooooh… BAD JOHN, BAD!

  145. 145.

    muddy

    @ulee: That’s great! My dogs will be excited. I am putting up a new fence this week, so definitely bring your work clothes. I have been hoping to push off the post hole digging onto someone else.

  148. 148.

    PhoenixRising

    The funniest compliment I’ve ever received was along similar lines. In a gas station outside Tucson, hippie dude traveling with his buddies who were also just under 30: “Whoa. You have the bluest eyes I have ever seen.”

    If he’d followed me to my car, it would have been creepy because it then becomes stalking.

    The key is, Are you expecting something in exchange for the compliment? That makes it an opening move, not a gift, and the recipient has to evaluate your intent, which can ruin her whole day.

  149. 149.

    muddy

    Tch, typical. Everyone loves the hair, no one loves the chore list. At least it’s on the ground! I had a young man over the other day and made him go on the roof.

  152. 152.

    ulee

    @muddy: I heard you had a zombie problem in Vermont. Are you collecting young men on your roof? What is the fence for, what are you hiding?

  153. 153.

    chopper

    cole, you shoulda used my best pick-up line:

    “are you Irish? cause my penis is doublin’ “

  154. 154.

    muddy

    I have not seen any zombies. Probably they are up in town? No need to collect men on the roof, that one did the assigned task all on his own.

    I’m replacing the fence because the puppy is a demon who can go under, through and even over the current fence.

  155. 155.

    Central Planning

    @John Cole:

    Internet has been out since midnight last night, so I am jacking it to some free wifi for now, but will probably be in and out for the rest of the night.

    FTFY

  156. 156.

    ulee

    I’m at 40 Patterson Street, Augusta, Maine. Stop by anytime, Muddy. We can take the dogs for a walk along the river.

  158. 158.

    muddy

    @ulee: I put that on a sticky, but I rarely get over that way, I’m afraid. Too bad I did not know a couple years ago, my son was working in Bar Harbor and there was some back and forthing. cheers

  166. 166.

    Uncle Ebeneezer

    I don’t mean to sound like Ted Bundy but…

    Actually I used to do that sort of thing back in my single days, every so often. What is really key is what you do next. If you just say “have a nice day” and walk away, it’s a pretty good signal that you were just being nice and that the compliment was unconditional. Any further attempt at conversation makes the situation pretty awkward.

  167. 167.

    SiubhanDuinne

    @raven: Sounds like very good news! I know how bummed and worried you were. Congratulations on a very decent outcome.

  170. 170.

    priscianus jr

    “If I told you you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?”

    Works every time.

  171. 171.

    SiubhanDuinne

    @Politically Lost: I hope by now you’re in a meds-induced sleep, but very glad to know you came through the surgery well enough to comment on BJ, I always like it when people have their priorities straight. Good luck in the rehab.

  172. 172.

    ulee

    @Redshirt: You’re an idiot. Just because I live in Maine doesn’t mean I voted for Lepage. I voted for the democrat, Libby Mitchell.

  173. 173.

    Laura C

    @TooManyJens: Exactly — all about the vibe you get from the guy. And I’m guessing John comes across as honest when he says he’s not trying to be creepy, as opposed to the guys who are creepy in the very act of denying their creepy intent.

  175. 175.

    Lavocat

    I somehow imagine you on a date as being not unlike a Tourette’s Syndrome sufferer in a crowd ( i.e., awwwwwwkward).

  178. 178.

    Librarian

    It depends on where you are. If you try to continue a conversation beyond an initial compliment in a grocery store, it can be awkward. But if you’re in a bar, I believe it’s what you’re supposed to do.

  179. 179.

    Lauren

    I (a woman) would have told you to go fuck yourself. You started right in with the objectification before you even ascertained if she was interested in being approached (sounds like). That’s not to say you can’t make a foray if a lady is giving off signals, but you start off non-sexual and wait for reciprocation/acceptance before escalating stepwise.

    What you did there was on a par with the drunken derelict slobbering “Hey, baby” as I pass him on the street. He assumes (incorrectly) that he’s entitled to my time, attention and courtesy.

  180. 180.

    LongHairedWeirdo

    RE:is it creepy or stalkerish,it follows a rule I saw in a Dan Savage column. If she likes it, fine.If she doesn’t, you’re an asshole.

    Now,I’ll add on my own personal point: most people, when confronted by a truly repentant asshole, are glad to accept the sincere apology and let it go. But they don’t *owe* you that.So, if you’re an accidental asshole, apologize and if that doesn’t fix things, vanish.

    (If you looked for women to compliment, that would be creepy and stalkerish – but if you just find yourself surprised, and say it? Nah. That’s not creepy/stalkerish. but if she doesn’t like it, you’re still an asshole; apologize and (if necessary) vanish.)

  182. 182.

    amy c

    When I was young and skinny, men I didn’t know would approach me quite a bit. The guy who physically would not let me leave until I gave him a phone number (a fake one, of course) was creepy. The guy who told me he was an artist and wanted me to come up to his apartment NOW so he could draw me nude was creepy. Guys who shouted at me on the street as I walked to work were creepy. The bartender who told my friend he wanted to lick my ass was actually really hot, but also creepy.

    There’s a line, is what I’m saying. In my book, your encounter doesn’t cross that line. Doesn’t even come close.

    THAT said, it also kind of depends on how often she hears it. There was a stretch in my 20s when I got hit on literally almost every day. I was fucking sick of it, to be honest, I felt..scrutinized…uncomfortable….vulnerable…a lot of the time, even when the guys themsevles were polite and cute and not creepy.

    But now that I am a chubby surburban mom of two, the kind of person who absolutely blends into the wallpaper of society – it is totally anti-feminist for me to admit this but I’m going to admit it anyway – I am ELATED on the rare blue moon when men notice me. I’ll carry around that thrill for days. It’s the only time I ever feel special anymore, and I like it.

    So it might depend on how often she hears it. If she’s as perfect-hot as you describe, then she still hears how good-looking she is quite a bit in life, and you just might be another dude on that long list. But even in her case, she probably doesn’t hear it nearly as often as she did when she was 22, so maybe it is different and refreshing and all that. That’s kind of the best you can hope for.

    But it’s probably not creepy.

  183. 183.

    p

    there’s a young man at the local cvs i get my mother’s meds from who has an open face and personality i’m always glad to see–and told him so (he’s in his 20’s, i’m 63)…in the same store, i was taken by the timbre of a young woman’s voice (can’t explain it but it was distinctive) and told her so.
    did i have a lecherous ulterior motive?
    ahahahaha
    recognizing good and special qualities in others, even complete strangers…
    sometimes it can make someone’s day
    in the same way it made my day special to notice their uniqueness

  185. 185.

    AnnieJo

    NOT to be CREEPy and STALKerish

    Not iambic. It’s dactylic. Dactyl = “a metrical foot consisting of one long and two short syllables or of one stressed and two unstressed syllables (as in TENDerly)”

  186. 186.

    Rustydude

    @LongHairedWeirdo: RE:is it creepy or stalkerish,it follows a rule I saw in a Dan Savage column. If she likes it, fine.If she doesn’t, you’re an asshole.

    Can’t go wrong citing Savage on human relationship stuff. IMO, he’s spot on with 95% of his advice, as he is here. I rarely engaged in uninvited interactions with women as a stranger, but even so, I never equated it to being an asshole until I read some stories by attractive women being exhausted, afraid, etc., from all of the attention they get. Now, I never say anything unsolicited, as a stranger.

  187. 187.

    CatHairEverywhere

    I would have taken your comment in the non-creepy way it was intended. There is a big difference between creepy and a nice guy giving an impromptu compliment.

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