Wingnut douche-barge (much bigger than a canoe) Glenn Beck has been struck dumb:
He provided a weepy flashcard “monologue” on his Goldline Central network about the condition (it comes and goes, he says) and reflected on the need to be more uplifting and positive.
It’s as if the Flying Spaghetti Monster rammed the Rotini of Righteousness right in the bastard’s throat, just as He once stopped Limbaugh’s ears with the Vermicelli of Virtue. Ramen.[X-posted at Rumproast]
Ceiling Cat got his tongue?
his vocal chords are paralyzed, it’s almost as if the damage from his atrophied brain is spreading….
It looks like I will have to start wearing that colander on my head.
Tissue Thin Pseudonym (JMN)
Has he blamed Obamacare yet?
If only Beck’s Palsy would affect the wingnuts I know on Facebook and Twitter…
Glenn blames Obama.
Also, the time when Ann Coulter’s jaws were wired shut:
Yes, there is a God, and He’s al dente.
Sleeping on the job, FSM? Whatever happened to incineration by bolt of lightning? Or are you anti death penalty, too?
Is this real? I’ve never heard of someone having temporary paralysis of their vocal cords that will come and go. Sounds hokey to me…
Maybe he’ll spend this little timeout learning how to spell “vocal cords.”
@PsiFighter37: Follow the money…
Oh man. This is turning out to be one of the best days of my life.
Higgs Boson's Mate
If Beck flees to Hong Kong then I’ll blame Obama.
I bet he’s faking it so he can draw welfare.
The Other Chuck
@PsiFighter37: It’s a not uncommon condition actually, and often the side effect of a brain tumor. Now if that’s the case, I know I shouldn’t say it … but boy that would explain a lot. There.
Countdown to Glennnn comparing himself to Job…………
The government got to him.
Laugh-a while you can, monkey boys, pretty soon Obama will be oppressing you also, too.
I like the beakers full of random colored liquids in the background of his set. Sciency! This guy is obviously not just one of the world’s foremost historians, he’s a polymath, a true Renaissance Man. You know, a total nutjob.
Ha! My voodoo worked!
It could be. I’ve never heard of it, but it’s an entirely reasonable neurological injury. Of course, it wouldn’t happen by itself. You’d need brain/upper spinal damage. Very high fever, drugs, head injury, stroke. It could also be a ‘fleece the sheep’ trick, but there’s no reason it couldn’t be real.
@The Other Chuck:
I was trying to avoid ‘brain tumor’. I wish suffering on no one. At most, I wish some people were put in a position they can no longer harm society.
OT: I know this whole NSA thing has caused some strain among us, so here’s something we can all hate together as one big happy blog family:
First they came for Glenn Beck’s vocal chords, and I handed them a rusty wire brush…..
@Frankensteinbeck: Is it wrong of me to be cynical and think it’s scheduled to occur at some irregular frequency, precisely when his show is airing?
How much would you charge to repeat the procedure against other individuals?
He’s a known con man. It could be a real injury, but it’s also totally reasonable to suspect a fake.
It’s as if the Flying Spaghetti Monster rammed the Rotini of Righteousness right in the bastard’s throat, just as He once stopped Limbaugh’s ears with the Vermicelli of Virtue. Ramen.
Hilarious. Wonderful. Inspiring.
Higgs Boson's Mate
If you’re thinking about shrub, he was stricken dumb long ago.
And as expected, that fucking authoritarian DINO Al Franken is backing the NSA.
Think Dylan & Maggies Farm.
@Frankensteinbeck: Yeah, it seems like a strange condition to me. I wonder if there’s something more neurologically going on.
I wonder how long the rubes will continue to pay to watch him show flashcards? Will the gravy train dry up?
Beck always reminds me of the kind of antisocial loser in school who would fart something nasty while blaming it on someone he deemed lower than him in his Walter Mitty fantasies.
A real man blames it on his social equals or better, and owns up to it soon after, for everyone’s amusement…
He pulled that scam a few years ago when he said he was going blind (because that fat one OD’ed on Oxy and needed a cochlear implant).
But who can forget his “hemorrhoids from Hell” that almost killed him?
He was going to sue everybody about his sore tush at that time too.
He’s a phony doing whatever grifters do.
@Todd: He did the Morning Zoo radio in his younger days. I don’t think your profile of him is too far from the truth.
Commenting at Balloon Juice Since 1937
Limpball’s deafness was a side effect of his oxycontin intake. Just saying.
Um ok, I don’t know why, but aside from just being extremely hot (would he be considered the hottest guy to play Superman?), is it sad that the biggest thing I love about the new Superman guy is that his girlfriend isn’t a stick-figure bobble head? His girlfriend is that MMA chick who was in that Haywire movie, Gina Carano (the hand to hand fight scene with her and her male co-stars were the best part of that movie) and also in Fast and the Furious. Also, rumor is that they may be looking at her to play Wonder Woman??? She’s certainly tall enough and built like an Amazon right?
She’s not unattractive or without companionship options.
There’s some story that marriage was in the works. Maybe this was a case of extreme cold feet.
Or perhaps he was just sick of her shit, regardless of how hot she is.
Let’s ask this scientician!
Snowden’s GF says:
OK, I couple of days ago, I jokingly wrote that the explanation was that he got into a fight with his girlfriend and it kind of spun out of control. I’m beginning to think I’m psychic.
Who among us hasn’t responded to a bad breakup by disclosing state secrets?
@Nunya: And here I’d been assuming that was the cash bar.
So what’s Glenn Beck’s plague count now? Three? Four, including drug addiction?
@Keith: doesn’t the bible promise us seven? One can only hope.
@lamh35: Yeah, she’s something else. Women’s MMA is a touchy subject though. I am SO psyched for the new Superman movie. It looks incredible from the previews.
Also, Glenn Beck’s failing vocal cords is obviously a False Flag. Read infowars.com for the truth. Pasta formed sheeple.
I blame Obama.
@Baud: Whenever I’m trying to impress women I’ve upset in some fashion, I always do it by disclosing the biggest secret that I know.
Unfortunately, because I don’t have top-secret government clearance, this usually amounts to recounting times I’ve heard them release flatulence in my presence.
I’ve always found Glenn Beck creepy. Like serial killer driving around in an ice cream truck creepy. I’m so surprised anyone finds him appealing.
And about fucking time, says I. In some cases silence is not only golden but well-deserved.
Maybe she’s a nutcase and he had to get away in the most extreme way possible – a little time to think, a little time in China with bamboo shoots up the urethra, and a lot of time in a US supermax prison, to which she has no access.
Yeah, I say he’s on the grift, chapter the whateverth. “Awww, send poor widdle Gwenn some gold bucks.”
The condition can be real; I’ll cite Linda Thompson as a notable sufferer.
I’d like to know more about the wondrous FSM and His plans for us. Is there a newsletter I can subscribe to?
This sounds morbidly unpleasant. If you have a forget-me-now handy, I’d like to take it right about now so I can erase that mental image.
That’s gotta go AMAZINGLY well. Patches things right up, I imagine.
Regrettably, it only took me .0043 of a second to realize that a bamboo shoot small enough to insert up a fingernail could also fit other places. My mind is sicker than it used to be.
@Todd: Maybe she’s figured out that it’s safe to assume that the NSA knows her address. Just sayin’.
Higgs Boson's Mate
Aw hell, throw Beck into a tub full of candiru.
Who is this “doctor”? It’s Beck doing street theater saying “They’re trying to shut me up!”. But his cult has such a short attention span that his 10 minute act was tuned out 2.4 seconds into it. And “classical music”?? That is a sure tune out for his apple sauce gummers and trailer trash audience.
It’ll be all “Aw, Hell, Linda Lou, let’s go out and shoot our guns at the gumment” stuff.
His use of Bonheoffer is another sop to his NAZI NAZI NAZI shit he was peddling years ago, when he insisted that Rockefeller Center has “secret Nazi images all over the building; ergo NBC is NAZI!”
It was pointed out to him that the FOX/Newscorp HQ is also part of Rock Center, so he moved on to his next NAZI NAZI NAZI routine.
Lewis Black slammed Beck into the ground.
Beck has Nazi Tourettes!
It seems to be a wingnut affliction.
I know. Gobsmacked, right?
Damn. I keep looking to buy A Canticle for Leibowitz as an ebook, but its hopeless.
Last week the NYTimes had an article about James Van de Velde who was a suspect in killing a Yale University student in 1998. There was no evidence but his career appeared to be ruined at the time, although he is now a terrorism expert. Long story short they had a link to another article in 1999 which spoke about a radio shock jock who was selling Yale university dolls that the professor might want to keep in his trunk… or something. Anyway the dj was Glenn Beck.
He’s been a fraud for a long, long, long time.
That’s what suicide is for.
Back OT, Beck looks like he haz a pouty-face 2-year-old sad. This makes me feel somewhat warm inside.
Odie Hugh Manatee
The Confusion of Tongues has struck Glen, his has tied itself into knots.
Hey Glen! How’s that gold doing?
Did you know he actually fines himself $30 whenever he mentions Obama by name?
In Nomine Pasta, et Noodle, y Piratus sanctum, Ramen!
Mike in NC
To quote all of the wingnuts who infest our local newspapers: WAKE UP, AMERICA!!!
I could have sworn Glenn Beck did this a year or two ago. Am I just prescient? *ponders*
@Boots Day: I noticed that, too. Maybe he was a FOTC fan? Or he thinks he’s being funny? Nah, probably just an illiterate speech writer intern. Pour gasoline on him and get a new one.
I wonder if it’s related to what happened to Scott Adams?
@debbie: Fines himself? Where does the money go? Such an idiot. So glad that his side keeps losing the Presidency. I guess he’ll have a nervous breakdown when Secretary Clinton wins in 2016.
@WereBear: I wondered who would beat me to it, but when I didn’t see it in the first few comments I posted anyway :)
It is totally mystifying – and he’s a world-class creep. I know I have mentioned this at least once, so forgive the repetition, but back in his “morning zoo” DJ days, he called his big rival (live, on the air) and berated him for not being able to do anything right, including making a baby. The occasion was the miscarriage that the rival DJ’s wife or girlfriend had just suffered. Pure class.
Odie Hugh Manatee
Tom Cruse luvs him sum WalMart. He says that the company has improved the lives of women. He’s a great actor because I couldn’t have said that without choking to death from laughing my ass off.
Can’t he just lipsync to a Greenwald rant?
Gotta fix ’em as I see ’em.
We had a friend in NJ who had it. She would go months being fine and then something would trigger the paralysis and she wouldn’t be able to talk for a couple of days, a week, two weeks, she never knew. First time I’d ever heard of it and I’m old.
Strozzapreti (“priest strangler” in Italian) are typically an elongated form of cavatelli, or hand-rolled pasta. In the Emilia-Romagna, Tuscany and Umbria regions of Italy as well as in the microstate of San Marino the name is used for a baked cheese and vegetable dumpling
Odie Hugh Manatee
They call his condition “verklempt”. Of the many variations of the condition, his is cured by his being given money.
Gold works too.
More evidence that there is a God and that she has quite a sense of humor.
“Sounds” like performance art playing off the NSA story.
Also builds interest in his paid site.