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You are here: Home / Living in a Wiggly World

Living in a Wiggly World

by @heymistermix.com|  June 12, 20138:00 am| 120 Comments

This post is in: Our Failed Media Experiment

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Watching James Fallows and Patrick Smith (of Ask the Pilot) work over Noah Gallagher Shannon’s “I almost died, on a plane” NY Times piece has been ugly but informative. Shannon’s story is his account of what happened when his flight got diverted. Here’s a taste:

The captain came out of the cockpit and stood in the aisle. His cap dangled in one hand. “All electricity will remain off,” he said. Something about an open current and preventing a cabin fire. Confused noises spread through the cabin, but no one said a word. “I’ll yell the rest of my commands from the cockpit.” I could see sweat stains under his arms. “Not going to sugarcoat it,” he said. “We’re just going to try to land it.”

Smith, especially, has shown that almost every detail of this story reeks with the stench of horseshit, and now he’s obtained the maintenance records for that flight (from a source hiding out in a hotel in Hong Kong, who is a traitor, mentally ill, or just wants to break up with his girlfriend). It’s pretty clear that Shannon’s tale is almost complete fabrication. The plane in question had a minor hydraulic problem, one that could not have affected the landing gear, and the worst thing that could have happened would be a longer landing rollout.

If you want to read some high-end media ass covering, Fallows was able to pry a response out of the Times.

Did the author’s personal recollection represent an accurate picture of what he experienced on that flight? Well, only he can attest to his own experience.

So as long as a reporter can “attest to their own experience”, and show that they were actually on a flight that was diverted, any fairy tale they cook up is fair game? The whole thing is minor, but also very telling.

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Reader Interactions

120Comments

  1. 1.

    Ash Can

    June 12, 2013 at 8:08 am

    Shorter Times: “Don’t blame us for printing bullshit.”

  2. 2.

    c u n d gulag

    June 12, 2013 at 8:16 am

    The NY Times new motto: “All the credulous news, that’s fit to print.”

    Well, maybe that’s an improvement over the Judy Miller/Dick Cheney years, when the motto was. “All the news, that’s print to fit.”

    OY!

  3. 3.

    Baud

    June 12, 2013 at 8:16 am

    I’m assuming the in-flight movie was Life of Pi.

  4. 4.

    dr. bloor

    June 12, 2013 at 8:23 am

    At least Shannon didn’t turn all the brown people on the plane into Mooslim Terrists. Thank FSM for small favors.

  5. 5.

    Suffern ACE

    June 12, 2013 at 8:25 am

    @Baud: nah. Things had gotten so bad in that flight that the in-seat entertainment had been shut down for all options except bejeweled.

  6. 6.

    Betty Cracker

    June 12, 2013 at 8:27 am

    Holy fuck, the fabrication is the least of it: This Noah Gallagher Shannon person is a terrible, horrible, awful, dreadful, no-good writer:

    I palmed at my eyes, nodded and looked around, feeling my hangover creep back in.

    Were your eyes actually in your palm, Mr. Potato Head?

    My mouth sputtered into a smile: I guess you don’t have to worry about showing up at the wedding without a present.

    “Sputtered into a smile”? Kee-rist.

    “A plane without landing gear is like a struck match.”

    In what sense, Charlie?

    “My brain felt humid.”

    That I believe.

  7. 7.

    the Conster

    June 12, 2013 at 8:30 am

    “artisanal Brooklyn fiction”. I think Smith would have liked to have used a different word than “fiction”.

  8. 8.

    mai naem

    June 12, 2013 at 8:30 am

    Why do so many idiots have nationally syndicated columns and James Fallows doesn’t? He’s got a lot of personal experience on different issues and he’s got a good witing style.

  9. 9.

    debbie

    June 12, 2013 at 8:32 am

    @Baud:

    Aw, rats, I liked that movie.

  10. 10.

    Ultraviolet Thunder

    June 12, 2013 at 8:32 am

    I’m going to ignore this whole thing. I spend a lot of time on planes and need to feel safe.

    LALALALA I CAN’T HEAR YOU!

  11. 11.

    Napoleon

    June 12, 2013 at 8:35 am

    @mai naem:

    Because The Atlantic pays him a ton of money to be on its staff.

  12. 12.

    c u n d gulag

    June 12, 2013 at 8:36 am

    @mai naem:
    Because he actually knows what the feck he’s talking about.

    And that will confuse the living shite out of people already on the payroll – with the exception of Krugman at the NY Times, Robinson at WaPo, and a handful of others.

  13. 13.

    Suffern ACE

    June 12, 2013 at 8:40 am

    So reading the original article, it appears that the author isn’t a reporter.

    “E-mail submissions for Lives to [email protected]. Because of the volume of e-mail, the magazine cannot respond to every submission.”

    This is the Times’ version of Drama in Real Life.

    So yeah, they probably aren’t going to question the veracity of the story.

  14. 14.

    Suffern ACE

    June 12, 2013 at 8:42 am

    @Suffern ACE: we should get John to write up his experience being miserable in Charlestown. It just might make the Times Magazine.

  15. 15.

    Bill E Pilgrim

    June 12, 2013 at 8:45 am

    Patrick Smith is the best. In email correspondence after he vanished from Salon, he said that they had told him that he was “no longer relevant to the vibe of Salon”. If anyone has seen the even worse first-person confessional-filled tabloid that Salon has become since then, you understand that he should take that as having been a compliment.

  16. 16.

    kc

    June 12, 2013 at 8:46 am

    @Betty Cracker:

    It sounds like an entry in the Bulwer-Lytton contest.

  17. 17.

    different-church-lady

    June 12, 2013 at 8:46 am

    @Suffern ACE: The whole “no pants” adventure at the DNC might make for interesting expansion into 800 lightly-fictionalized words.

  18. 18.

    Gin & Tonic

    June 12, 2013 at 8:46 am

    @Suffern ACE: Probably too truthy for the NYT.

  19. 19.

    Bill E Pilgrim

    June 12, 2013 at 8:47 am

    @c u n d gulag: Did you see Bill Keller today blaming it all on Cheney? Edit: er, two days ago apparently, but I just noticed it.

  20. 20.

    Just One More Canuck

    June 12, 2013 at 8:51 am

    @Betty Cracker: The humidity would account for the mold that’s infested his brain

  21. 21.

    different-church-lady

    June 12, 2013 at 8:51 am

    The airline, in fact, refused his request for more information about what happened after the fact.

    Obama promised transparency. I’ll never trust him again.

  22. 22.

    JPL

    June 12, 2013 at 8:52 am

    @Suffern ACE: haha.. How I long for Lily

  23. 23.

    NotMax

    June 12, 2013 at 8:53 am

    Dickens, he ain’t.

    Heck, Jaqueline Susann, he ain’t.

  24. 24.

    Betty Cracker

    June 12, 2013 at 8:54 am

    @Bill E Pilgrim:

    If anyone has seen the even worse first-person confessional-filled tabloid that Salon has become since then, you understand that he should take that as having been a compliment.

    Ain’t that the truth! They ran an essay from a woman who ate her placenta after giving birth. Whatever floats your boat and all of that, but Jesus, I don’t need to hear about it.

  25. 25.

    different-church-lady

    June 12, 2013 at 8:55 am

    @JPL:

    “When I woke up I knew immediately something was wrong: there were no dogs.”

    And if the NYTs doesn’t publish it, he could enter it into the Bulwer-Lytton.

  26. 26.

    c u n d gulag

    June 12, 2013 at 8:56 am

    @Bill E Pilgrim:
    Nah.
    First, I don’t pay for the NY Times, since I’m unemployed, and can’t afford it.

    And second, if I could afford it, I wouldn’t read Keller, because he’s an @$$hole. He’s a worse writer than he was an editor.

  27. 27.

    Suffern ACE

    June 12, 2013 at 8:59 am

    @different-church-lady: the intense boredom was racing through my veins, slowing my heartbeat to a standstill.

  28. 28.

    different-church-lady

    June 12, 2013 at 9:03 am

    @Suffern ACE:

    …intense boredom was racing…

    I wish I could remember where I read/heard this, but a few years ago I remember some reporter/writer/whatever complaining that his story ran into a “buzzsaw of indifference.”

    I thought, “What does that sound like? ‘Meh….. brzzzzzz.'”

  29. 29.

    rikyrah

    June 12, 2013 at 9:04 am

    look, most of these ‘journalists’ are pitiful these days

  30. 30.

    kc

    June 12, 2013 at 9:09 am

    Read some of the commentary. Horrible prose aside, if Shannon’s such a big fat liar, why DID the plane have to make an emergency landing?

  31. 31.

    daveNYC

    June 12, 2013 at 9:16 am

    @Suffern ACE: “E-mail submissions for Lives to [email protected]. Because of the volume of e-mail, the magazine cannot respond to every submission.”

    Dear New York Times magazine, I never thought it would happen to me…

  32. 32.

    Sister Rail Gun of Warm Humanitarianism

    June 12, 2013 at 9:23 am

    @NotMax: Ah. The classics.

  33. 33.

    Sister Rail Gun of Warm Humanitarianism

    June 12, 2013 at 9:40 am

    @Sister Rail Gun of Warm Humanitarianism: Which tells you how long it’s been since I saw that movie. Better go watch it a few more times in penance.

  34. 34.

    namekarB

    June 12, 2013 at 9:42 am

    Holy Carp, I have a submission also.

    “I almost died, in a car.” It was cold, bitterly so. The ocher moon was low and peaked through the fog beyond the trees. I fled down the road which stretched before me like an inky serpent, its hoary surface unreflected in the twin beams of my headlights. And I was late for work . . .

  35. 35.

    piratedan

    June 12, 2013 at 9:44 am

    least they could have done was place it in the Book Review section under New in Fiction.

  36. 36.

    Soonergrunt

    June 12, 2013 at 9:45 am

    @Betty Cracker: “They ran an essay from a woman who ate her placenta after giving birth.”
    Why in hell would anybody do that, and why in hell would that person then write about it, and lastly, why in hell would anybody read that?

  37. 37.

    Punchy

    June 12, 2013 at 9:49 am

    The Patrick Smith linky no worky

  38. 38.

    FMguru

    June 12, 2013 at 9:50 am

    This is exactly what went down with their big, splashy article about Tesla’s electric car. A huge, dramatic article about all the failings of the car, which was contradicted by the company’s release of detailed logs of GPS locations and speeds and temperatures. The NYT eventually had to issue a similar non-retraction retraction, saying that their reporter probably should have kept more accurate records of his travels (but some of Tesla’s criticisms were a little off the mark, too, so really there’s a lot of blame to go around, I’m sure we can all agree, blah blah blah).

    Pathetic.

  39. 39.

    Eric U.

    June 12, 2013 at 9:51 am

    I was in a plane where one of the generators went out on the way to Chicago. Turns out that the protocol is to fly very low for some reason which I never really cared to think about. We were over Iowa when they decided it would be better to land in Denver, so it took an inordinately long time to fly back. I always thought it was like the guy that swam halfway across the ocean, decided he couldn’t make it, and swam back.

    Anyway, I’m pretty sure we actually were in an emergency situation and nobody acted like anything out of the ordinary was happening. This isn’t Airplane

  40. 40.

    Shakezula

    June 12, 2013 at 9:53 am

    That story stinks on ice, but it is attar of roses compared to Lindgren’s follow up.

    The piece was fact-checked before publication, and after questions were raised, editors reviewed it again, with the full cooperation of the writer. All the key points appear to be corroborated, and we have not found any evidence to undercut any significant elements of the narrative.

    Oh do fuck off Eunice. The NYT has blown obituaries for major figures, but this piece of fluff got the full review? [Snort.]

    I do look forward to merry honk of clown noses when other passengers come forward with their accounts. Oh wait, that will be their perception of the event. Equally valid, but not any more or less accurate.

  41. 41.

    ThresherK

    June 12, 2013 at 9:57 am

    Reporter’s notebook. Now.

    I wouldn’t leave this guy to answer my phone and take a message.

  42. 42.

    the Conster

    June 12, 2013 at 10:01 am

    @Shakezula:

    Yeah, the FAIL that was the Walter Cronkite obit cock-up really needs revisiting. If there was any doubt about how Iraq happened, that should have completely erased it.

  43. 43.

    Violet

    June 12, 2013 at 10:02 am

    What’s everyone’s problem? Noah Gallagher Shannon is feeling the news at you, not reporting the news to you. It’s a perfect example of truthiness.

  44. 44.

    satby

    June 12, 2013 at 10:03 am

    @Betty Cracker: I hope she at least cooked it with onions….

  45. 45.

    Shakezula

    June 12, 2013 at 10:07 am

    @the Conster: Yup. They didn’t do so well with Vidal, either.

  46. 46.

    Mandalay

    June 12, 2013 at 10:07 am

    @mai naem:

    Why do so many idiots have nationally syndicated columns and James Fallows doesn’t?

    Not a criticism – Fallows is a great writer – but he is a pilot and obsessed with flying, and all aspects of air travel.

    I assume that he is in the happy position that the Atlantic allows him to write about whatever he wants, but I doubt that he would have the same freedom in a nationally syndicated column. A lot of his stuff on flying just doesn’t have very broad appeal.

  47. 47.

    NotMax

    June 12, 2013 at 10:21 am

    @soonergrunt

    Less common than it once was, but hardly unheard of.

    In olden times, was a ready source of protein and iron to build up the constitution of a woman after childbirth.

  48. 48.

    Betty Cracker

    June 12, 2013 at 10:30 am

    @Soonergrunt: Right? At least it gave all her acquaintances a heads-up about accepting future dinner invitations…

  49. 49.

    RSA

    June 12, 2013 at 10:31 am

    @Bill E Pilgrim:

    Patrick Smith is the best. In email correspondence after he vanished from Salon, he said that they had told him that he was “no longer relevant to the vibe of Salon”. If anyone has seen the even worse first-person confessional-filled tabloid that Salon has become since then, you understand that he should take that as having been a compliment.

    I wondered about that. I’ve exchanged email with Smith as well, and he does seem like a nice guy, as well as being very knowledgeable.

    I used to like Salon a lot, and for some years I was active in their online community, TableTalk, and then Open Salon. They closed down TT (no idea why [ETA: okay, I do know–inability to monetize it]) and most of the good writers are gone from OS, leaving… mostly confessionals and political spats. It’s been a sad evolution.

  50. 50.

    Paul in KY

    June 12, 2013 at 10:40 am

    @Bill E Pilgrim: I’m sorta glad their site is so fucked up (for us IE-8 losers) that I don’t go back there at all anymore. I always enjoyed reading Mr. Smith’s columns.

  51. 51.

    Paul in KY

    June 12, 2013 at 10:42 am

    @RSA: Remember you commenting from time to time there.

  52. 52.

    aretino

    June 12, 2013 at 10:42 am

    Tell me again why Jason Blair was fired, because I sure ain’t seeing the difference. Dissimulating while black?

  53. 53.

    pokeyblow

    June 12, 2013 at 10:43 am

    I wish newspapers would strictly refer to hearsay as hearsay.

    For example,

    Card whispered “sir, we’re under attack” to the president

    becomes according to Card, he told the president we were being attacked.

  54. 54.

    BGinCHI

    June 12, 2013 at 10:43 am

    His bio on that piece says “he’s working on a book on Cormac McCarthy.”

    Let’s hope the Sage of Santa Fe kicks him in his junk.

    Who are these fucking people?

  55. 55.

    Brandon

    June 12, 2013 at 10:45 am

    @FMguru: when I read the post, the Tesla debacle was the first thing that popped into my mind as well. It seems that data contradicting stupid, with the stupid refusing to back down is no longer contained to politics. Call in the WHO and CDC because we have the early warning signs of a pandemic on our hands.

  56. 56.

    lockout

    June 12, 2013 at 10:51 am

    In my perception of the Truth, Dominos provides a very good service, in exchange for a reasonable charge.

  57. 57.

    negative 1

    June 12, 2013 at 10:51 am

    Don’t know if I’m too late to the party, but I had a very similar thing happen on a plane I was on. They landed us immediately, hydraulics issue, and I’m already nervous in the air (not afraid of flying per se, but deathly afraid of heights).
    That said, I was scared as hell.
    As I was drinking myself into a coma on the ground in preparation for having to board another flight to finish getting home, I happened to be drinking next to a pilot. He told me passenger planes have like 3 backup systems for hydraulics, it’s not like I was in any real danger.
    That said, until you’ve had a pilot say ‘we have to land there’s a problem’ I wouldn’t doubt the person that tells you their life flashed before their eyes. It’s not like you’ve got wings to compensate, and when people tell you about all the various safety features the easy counter from your mischievous mind is ‘if we’re so technologically secure then why in the hell are we crash landing’? I don’t doubt Noah Shannon was scared witless. I’ll give him some lattitude because my recollection was probably addled before I tried to drink it away.

  58. 58.

    El Caganer

    June 12, 2013 at 10:52 am

    @satby: …along with fava beans and a nice Chianti….

  59. 59.

    MattR

    June 12, 2013 at 10:54 am

    BTW – Not sure if anyone has realized that this Shannon wrote the piece n May 2013 about a flight that took place in June 2011. Given the research done on human memory, there is no reason to believe that any of the details are accurate, even if Shannon is completely positive that they are correct.

    The next day, the two researchers asked 54 Duke University students to recount their 9/11 memories. To get at the issue of what makes flashbulb memories unique, all the students answered questions about their memories of 9/11 and about a regular, everyday memory immediately after the event. One group of 18 students answered the same set of questions one week later; another group of 18 answered them six weeks later; and a different group of 18 answered them 32 weeks later.

    Talarico and Rubin had the different groups recount their memories at these intervals to avoid an inadvertent “rehearsal effect,” in which a memory gets strengthened through each retelling. Here’s what they found: The consistency and accuracy of both 9/11 flashbulb memories and everyday memories declined over time, at comparable rates. But students thought something quite different was going on.

    They believed that their 9/11 memories were much more accurate than their regular memories. One finding especially popped out for Rubin: People had already changed their stories of how they heard about the attacks over just a few days, from the day after the event to one week later. “Because at that point you’ve told 35 people how you heard about it, and it’s been solidified in your memory the way you’re telling it, not necessarily how it really happened,” he explains.

    And it isn’t that people just make errors of omission and forget details, notes Talarico. “They make errors of commission as well, changing a red shirt to a blue one, or saying they were with different people from those they first said they were with.”

  60. 60.

    RSA

    June 12, 2013 at 10:54 am

    @Paul in KY: Hey, cool. It’s interesting to bump into people from earlier days. Nowadays for me it’s mostly on Facebook. Oh, well.

  61. 61.

    Comrade Dread

    June 12, 2013 at 10:55 am

    We live in a post-Enlightenment world, ladies and gentlemen.

    Which, given the political reporting in this country, I thought we had all realized that truth and facts no longer matter at all.

    What counts is what someone believes the facts to be.

  62. 62.

    Poopyman

    June 12, 2013 at 10:59 am

    @satby: Am I the only one who remembers “Placenta Helper” from the early days of SNL? It seems to have disappeared with nary a trace, which is right weird in these internet days.

  63. 63.

    Violet

    June 12, 2013 at 11:01 am

    @Comrade Dread: Same as it ever was. History is written by the victor. Doesn’t mean it’s true.

  64. 64.

    Paul in KY

    June 12, 2013 at 11:05 am

    @RSA: This is a pretty good site. A few other old Salon commenters are here.

  65. 65.

    Forum Transmitted Disease

    June 12, 2013 at 11:08 am

    That said, until you’ve had a pilot say ‘we have to land there’s a problem’ I wouldn’t doubt the person that tells you their life flashed before their eyes.

    @negative 1: If it helps, if you’re really in danger the pilot’s not going to be saying anything, he’s going to be too busy trying to save your asses.

    My dad’s a retired airline pilot – not really retired, he still trains, teaches, and does check rides – but here’s the deal. I grew up around pilots. I got to spend a lot of simulator time with them. I wish more of the public, particularly that part of the public that’s terrified of flying, could get to do the same. While it is somewhat disconcerting to realize the number of things that can go wrong with a plane – most of them very minor – that is more than outweighed by the fact that pilots are trained to deal with every single one of them, repeatedly and thoroughly, to an extent that the public simply wouldn’t believe. Nobody else gets trained for their jobs like airline pilots, and it’s a process most people couldn’t and wouldn’t tolerate.

    Controls wired backwards? They went through that in the sim. Hydraulic leak? That one’s a big deal but so long as you get the gear down you’ll be fine. Generator goes out? Hell, the only reason that’s an emergency is because the FAA says it is, the plane has a few of them. Wing gets completely torn off? Well, we have at least one known case of a fighter pilot landing his plane under exactly those conditions, so it can be done. And the pilots have been through them all in the sim. Multiple times.

  66. 66.

    scav

    June 12, 2013 at 11:10 am

    @Violet: Not exactly — there is something going on here about indifference to truth. BS v. lying. The NYT is increasingly BS-friendly — anything for the clicks and don’t argue with personal “experiences”. The victors rewriting stuff still placed a value on the concept of truth, they just wanted to control it.

  67. 67.

    MomSense

    June 12, 2013 at 11:17 am

    #notintendedtobeanonfictionarticle

  68. 68.

    Mnemosyne

    June 12, 2013 at 11:21 am

    @MattR:

    I’m pretty sure my memories of learning about 9/11 are correct, because they’re so mundane: I slept in late because my class didn’t start until 1:00 pm, turned on the radio, and heard them talking about it. I was like, “WTF is going on?” so I turned on the TV.

  69. 69.

    ? Martin

    June 12, 2013 at 11:23 am

    @Forum Transmitted Disease:

    While it is somewhat disconcerting to realize the number of things that can go wrong with a plane – most of them very minor – that is more than outweighed by the fact that pilots are trained to deal with every single one of them, repeatedly and thoroughly, to an extent that the public simply wouldn’t believe.

    Yeah, but was he trained to have a NYT Magazine reporter on board? Because it sounds like as soon as that happens, everything on the plane really goes to shit.

  70. 70.

    taylormattd

    June 12, 2013 at 11:25 am

    What does this story have to do with Snowden?

  71. 71.

    piratedan

    June 12, 2013 at 11:25 am

    @scav: devolving into “all the print that’s fit to be news”

  72. 72.

    Cassidy

    June 12, 2013 at 11:27 am

    OT: what’s the term used these days for when people are unsure if they’ll have food? It’s use d alot when taking about kids going to school hungry and the only food they’l get is the school food.

  73. 73.

    Waldo

    June 12, 2013 at 11:27 am

    Update: Paul Ryan now informs us that he, too, was aboard that troubled flight, but he takes issue with Shannon’s account, noting that there’s no mention of the congressman grabbing the controls, pulling the jet out of a screaming nosedive and nailing a perfect emergency landing (upside down and at the correct gate!) before heading out to run a sub-3-hour marathon — with a full set of luggage in tow.

    Seems no less plausible to me.

  74. 74.

    ? Martin

    June 12, 2013 at 11:29 am

    @Cassidy: Food security/insecurity?

  75. 75.

    Cassidy

    June 12, 2013 at 11:30 am

    @? Martin: That’s it. Debating with an anarchist friend.

  76. 76.

    schrodinger's cat

    June 12, 2013 at 11:31 am

    A million flying pieces? You know what else sounds like fiction in the Times, the wedding announcements, most descriptions of the groom and bride sound too good to be true.

  77. 77.

    Fort Geek

    June 12, 2013 at 11:31 am

    Starring
    –Nathan “The Hammer” Fillian as “Ruggedly Handsome Captain”
    –Meghan McArdle as “The Clueless Passenger”

  78. 78.

    Mart

    June 12, 2013 at 11:31 am

    I was on a discount airliner (around 1995?) that had hydraulic landing gear failure. They opened a floor panel and manually wound the gear down. Got off the plane at John Wayne the old fashioned ramp to tarmac way, and the plane was pissing a ton of hydraulic fluid. Don’t recall anybody getting too worked up about it, figured got what we paid for. But in retrospect, it was probably most likely al queda and I should have written a book.

  79. 79.

    ? Martin

    June 12, 2013 at 11:31 am

    @Cassidy:

    Debating with an anarchist friend.

    While I have you, what’s the word for a futile exercise?

  80. 80.

    Forum Transmitted Disease

    June 12, 2013 at 11:34 am

    Yeah, but was he trained to have a NYT Magazine reporter on board? Because it sounds like as soon as that happens, everything on the plane really goes to shit.

    @? Martin: I don’t think any training can prepare you adequately for that. Terror soaks the air, rendering the brain humid.

    In seriousness, aviation tends to be something about which the media lies a lot, and as a result there’s not a commercial pilot out there that doesn’t hate the media. They do have to train the pilots to say “no comment”, because a pilot’s normal reflex and urge is to simply strangle the shit out of a reporter. The airlines, for some reason, think that this would be “bad press”.

  81. 81.

    piratedan

    June 12, 2013 at 11:36 am

    @Fort Geek:

    guest starring:

    Shelly Long as The Insufferable First Class Cabin Passenger
    Shannon Doherty as Passive/Aggressive Flight Attendant
    Tommy Lee Jones as the Laconic Air Marshall
    Michael Cera as the earnestly awkward young college student

  82. 82.

    schrodinger's cat

    June 12, 2013 at 11:37 am

    The worse experience I had while flying was in 2000, I was coming back to Boston’s Logan airport, there was a snow storm and we experienced a lot of turbulence. The plane was diverted to Montreal, where we just sat on the tarmac, till the storm subsided. They gave us some really good ice-cream though while we were waiting.

  83. 83.

    different-church-lady

    June 12, 2013 at 11:39 am

    @Cassidy:

    Debating with an anarchist friend.

    Why not just hit yourself on the head repeatedly with a ball-peen hammer? It would save a lot of time.

  84. 84.

    RSA

    June 12, 2013 at 11:40 am

    @Paul in KY:

    This is a pretty good site. A few other old Salon commenters are here.

    No wonder I keep coming back. In the “old” days, BJ was an oddity–an intelligent conservative blog with a substantial liberal commentariat–that was enough.

  85. 85.

    RSR

    June 12, 2013 at 11:43 am

    Not Intended To Be A Factual Statement

  86. 86.

    different-church-lady

    June 12, 2013 at 11:43 am

    @schrodinger’s cat:

    You know what else sounds like fiction in the Times, the wedding announcements, most descriptions of the groom and bride sound too good to be true.

    Funny you should mention that:

    Woletz decides who makes it in, “for better, for worse,” he said. How does he choose? “The basic premise is that we’re looking for people who have achievements,” he said. “It doesn’t matter what field these achievements are in.”

    Yeah, I happened to stumble across that by following the Coster’s link to Gawker’s article about the Cronkite obit screw ups. Plate o’ Shrimp, all that all that.

  87. 87.

    Ab_Normal

    June 12, 2013 at 11:43 am

    … OT DEVO fan: thanks for the earworm mistermix :D

  88. 88.

    scav

    June 12, 2013 at 11:46 am

    Almodavar’s I’m So Excited! might prove to be the documentary of the flight.

    Shortly after take-off, the discovery of the undercarriage problem is covered up and the passengers in the packed economy class are drugged into a deep sleep. The theatrical red curtain between them and the business class passengers is kept drawn. There are only seven people in business class – a famous dominatrix (the Argentinian Cecilia Roth), a rich lothario, a honeymoon couple, a clairvoyant (Lola Dueñas), a mysterious Mexican and the inevitable decamping financier. They soon get to know of the plane’s problems because the chief steward is incapable of telling a lie, having been traumatised some years before by helping conceal the accidental killing of a deranged passenger.

    Most of the movie is set in the claustrophobic business class and the even more confined cockpit, as the three gay stewards, all as camp as bottled coffee, try to keep the passengers happy. The pilot and co-pilot are in contact with air control, but instead of being on their way to Mexico, the plane is constantly circling Toledo (and that’s not Toledo, Ohio, as one passenger thinks), because none of the other Spanish airports can make an emergency runway available.

  89. 89.

    Cassidy

    June 12, 2013 at 11:52 am

    @? Martin: @different-church-lady: He’s actually a really good guy and the closest thing to a Libertarian I’ve met with consistency. His outlook has the basic premise that gov’t is innately immoral and that there is no function of gov’t that can’t be performed by society and collective action. He’s very socially liberal.

    Where he and I disagree is the role of gov’t in society. He doesn’t understand why I feel the need to be in public service and be a part of a gov’t that he feels is immoral. Again, it’s not just our gov’t, but any form of gov’t.

  90. 90.

    a hip hop artist from Idaho (fka Bella Q)

    June 12, 2013 at 11:55 am

    @Cassidy: I think the therm you’re looking for is “food insecurity,” and it’s frighteningly widespread. It’s a national disgrace, but of course we mustn’t fund programs to help out, because those kids should just get jobs as school janitors, and besides, private charity will take plenty good care of them.

    Headed over to my NAMI work to protect my own mental health. Have a good day everyone.

  91. 91.

    Villago Delenda Est

    June 12, 2013 at 11:56 am

    @Cassidy:

    there is no function of gov’t that can’t be performed by society and collective action

    Um…but that’s what government IS.

  92. 92.

    AHH onna Droid

    June 12, 2013 at 11:57 am

    S@piratedan: Shannom Doherty perfectly cast! I would line up to see that.

    I miss her from that dumb witch show. Esp all the tabloid drama. Hehe.

  93. 93.

    Cassidy

    June 12, 2013 at 11:59 am

    @Villago Delenda Est: True, but he’s against the notion that a minority of people are empowered over the majority to forcefully make them comply with their laws.

  94. 94.

    Cassidy

    June 12, 2013 at 12:00 pm

    @a hip hop artist from Idaho (fka Bella Q): It is a disgrace and it makes me cry. Our society sucks so bad sometimes.

  95. 95.

    AHH onna Droid

    June 12, 2013 at 12:01 pm

    @schrodinger’s cat: Imagining me: Can we just get off here, eh? Don’t have to work til tomorrow. Its okay, I’ll take the redeye coach to South Station. Departer ici, c’est bon, nestce pas? Au’voir.

  96. 96.

    scav

    June 12, 2013 at 12:03 pm

    @Cassidy: Parents of families over children, often even when grown? Priests over congregations? CEO and boards over employees? Society and culture is fraught with authorities and rules.

  97. 97.

    Cassidy

    June 12, 2013 at 12:09 pm

    @scav: I agree. That’s one of the things I talked about: the inevitibility of government. He was confused as to why I felt gov’t was encessary and I told him, it’s not necesarry, but inevitible. We’re social animals and we gravitate to scenarios that involve leaders in some capacity and that eventually leads to codified gov’t.

  98. 98.

    Just One More Canuck

    June 12, 2013 at 12:17 pm

    @Cassidy: Do all libertarians have the mentality of an eleven-year-old? He just wants to do whatever the hell he wants to do whenever he wants to do it without there being any consequences

  99. 99.

    Cassidy

    June 12, 2013 at 12:21 pm

    @Just One More Canuck: He’s not really a libertarian; definitely not a glibertarian. At heart, he’s an idealist. He thinks that communities of people would take care of one another and provide the good portions of what ogv’t does and that the negative aspects of gov’t (wars on black and brown people, aggression, codified murder, etc.) don’t outweigh the good that they can do.

    I see his points, but my outlook is that people suck and that gov’t is a reflection of us. So, if we force gov’t to do the good stuff and not the bad stuff, it forces our soceity to do the same.

  100. 100.

    Villago Delenda Est

    June 12, 2013 at 12:22 pm

    @Cassidy:

    Your friend needs a clue-by-four upside the head. Repeatedly. Apparently words are not getting through. A hole for clues is needed.

  101. 101.

    Cassidy

    June 12, 2013 at 12:25 pm

    @Villago Delenda Est: Nah. He’s a good guy. He just doesn’t like formal gov’t.

  102. 102.

    Shakezula

    June 12, 2013 at 12:31 pm

    @different-church-lady: He’d(?) be aiming the hammer the wrong way.

  103. 103.

    Just One More Canuck

    June 12, 2013 at 12:40 pm

    @Cassidy: So how does he propose that such a system be implemented. Perhaps there could be these events where people would choose who should make sure that everyone gets looked after. Maybe they could have these events every few years, so if they don’t like how things are run, they could choose other people to do it

  104. 104.

    mai naem

    June 12, 2013 at 12:41 pm

    @Mandalay: I know he’s a pilot but even beyond the flying stuff, he lived in China very recently. I believe he’s lived in Japan too. He knows a lot about defense issues. He seems to be technophile. He was a speechwriter for Carter. And he’s a good writer to boot. I guess he must not want the grind of having to produce a couple of pieces every week.

  105. 105.

    tz

    June 12, 2013 at 12:53 pm

    I read that piece and the fictional flourishes were sticking in my mind. It was a great sensational read however, I mean I have to hand it to the author for his writing style.
    In this day and a age of news hybridized with fiction being presented as fact, the story is really no surprise.

  106. 106.

    Bubblegum Tate

    June 12, 2013 at 12:53 pm

    @the Conster:

    “artisinal Brooklyn fiction” is such a great burn.

  107. 107.

    Cassidy

    June 12, 2013 at 12:57 pm

    @Just One More Canuck: lol

  108. 108.

    ruemara

    June 12, 2013 at 12:59 pm

    @Cassidy: Does he understand that even if there was no centralized government, there’d need to be some form of formal government to organize within a community and then to organize between communities, meaning that eventually, there’d be some form of centralized government again?

  109. 109.

    dr. luba

    June 12, 2013 at 12:59 pm

    @NotMax: No, placentophagy was never common among humans. Or so say Wikipedia and the obstetric literature.

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Placentophagy

  110. 110.

    Mandalay

    June 12, 2013 at 1:11 pm

    @mai naem:

    I guess he must not want the grind of having to produce a couple of pieces every week.

    I don’t think that’s the reason since he has already written 18 columns this month. But he certainly is a helluva writer in many unrelated areas.

    He was skewering the tire swingers back in 1997!

    ETA: I just looked at his Amazon page. Pretty incredible that someone can write books on so many different topics.

  111. 111.

    cmorenc

    June 12, 2013 at 1:12 pm

    Gallagher’s tale of what happened on his particular flight may be complete horseshit, but problems with an electrical short in an entertainment system that was tied in with the plane’s circuitry in a manner making it extremely difficult to isolate without cutting off all power throughout the entire plane was exactly what caused the horrific crash of a Swiss Air flight 111 near Halivax, Nova Scotia in 1998.

  112. 112.

    RaflW

    June 12, 2013 at 1:24 pm

    Late to the party as usual.

    The story is bullshit, but the writer wasn’t passing it off as reporting.

    As long as fabulists like Augusten Burrows and David Sedaris write stuff as equally bullshitty as this “ohmahgawd the plane gonna crash” nonsense, for fame and wealth, then back page of the NYT Sunday magazine shouldn’t really be seen as a spot for true reporting. IMO

  113. 113.

    Trollhattan

    June 12, 2013 at 1:26 pm

    @Ab_Normal:
    Was wondering who’d snag the song ref.

  114. 114.

    Captain C

    June 12, 2013 at 2:25 pm

    @Cassidy:

    no function of gov’t that can’t be performed by society and collective action. He’s very socially liberal.

    Isn’t that essentially government (or at least a part of it)?

  115. 115.

    appleinaz

    June 12, 2013 at 2:29 pm

    @Betty Cracker: That’s pretty common, yo. And it helps. So, bad example to an otherwise legit point.

  116. 116.

    Nunya

    June 12, 2013 at 2:56 pm

    @Mart: Orange County/Santa Ana (motherfuck John Wayne, that goddamned scumbag) still uses the ramp to tarmac unload method to this day! I fly there fairly regularly, and it’s the only international airport I know of that doesn’t use jet bridges at its gates. SNA is the airport I’d fly into for visits when my grandparents were still alive, so the old-school method of deplaning onto an open stairway always brings a lot of childhood memories flooding back.

  117. 117.

    Kathleen

    June 12, 2013 at 5:00 pm

    @Bill E Pilgrim: Amen.

  118. 118.

    NotMax

    June 12, 2013 at 6:23 pm

    @dr. luba

    For the record, I never said it was “common” (as in majority, commonplace or prevalent practice), just that it was less common (as in occurrence) now than in times prior.

    Use of the phrase “not unheard of” was intended to make that distinction abundantly clear.

  119. 119.

    Rand Careaga

    June 12, 2013 at 6:35 pm

    Did anyone catch this bit from an earlier Fallows piece on the story?

    Noah Gallagher Shannon is clearly a very talented young writer — no one would have wondered about the story if it hadn’t been so grippingly told. I assume he will think carefully about his choice of genre for future work.

    The circumlocution is so suave and yet the meaning–“lying sack of shit”–so clear.

  120. 120.

    Mnemosyne

    June 13, 2013 at 1:18 am

    @RaflW:

    As long as fabulists like Augusten Burrows and David Sedaris write stuff as equally bullshitty as this “ohmahgawd the plane gonna crash” nonsense, for fame and wealth, then back page of the NYT Sunday magazine shouldn’t really be seen as a spot for true reporting.

    I generally don’t assume that writers whose books are found in the “Humor” section are writing factual articles. Were you also under the impression that Bertie Wooster wrote a series of autobiographies?

    I mean, I’m with you on Burroughs, but what exactly led you to believe that Sedaris was presenting you the whole truth?

    ETA: Newsflash — Erma Bombeck and Dave Barry also did not tell the exact truth about the events in their lives. Try not to be too devastated.

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