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You are here: Home / Bless His Heart

Bless His Heart

by John Cole|  June 16, 20133:27 pm| 77 Comments

This post is in: Clown Shoes

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Jim Hoft, still the dumbest man on the internet.

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Previous Post: « Mexico v Italy Open Thread
Next Post: Sunday Longread Open Thread: What Would Jeebus Steal? »

Reader Interactions

77Comments

  1. 1.

    Ted & Hellen

    June 16, 2013 at 3:30 pm

    Not as long as Soonergrunt still posts here.

  2. 2.

    Ted & Hellen

    June 16, 2013 at 3:31 pm

    John, Obama has been president for going on five years. At what point does he become responsible for anything?

    Let me know.

  3. 3.

    sb

    June 16, 2013 at 3:31 pm

    We’re stepping on the soccer thread to point that Hoft is still the DMOTI?

    (checks link)

    Oh damn, that is just… yeah, he’s dumb.

  4. 4.

    BGinCHI

    June 16, 2013 at 3:34 pm

    Dumbest things in this post:

    1. Hoft

    2. Comment #1

    3. Comment #2

  5. 5.

    Scott S.

    June 16, 2013 at 3:34 pm

    Republican troll is a Republican troll.

  6. 6.

    Baud

    June 16, 2013 at 3:36 pm

    I look forward to receiving Obama 2016 text alerts.

  7. 7.

    Yatsuno

    June 16, 2013 at 3:40 pm

    @Baud: Wake me when he appoints himself El Presidente for life and orders the wingnuts to FEMA re-education camps via unstoppable text alert.

  8. 8.

    gbear

    June 16, 2013 at 3:41 pm

    I wonder how it feels knowing that everyone refers to you constantly as ‘The Dumbest Man On The Internet’, and that every time you hit ‘submit’ you’re going to give them all a reason to call you that again? For anyone that wasn’t the dumbest man on the internet it would be kind of draining.

  9. 9.

    sb

    June 16, 2013 at 3:43 pm

    @BGinCHI: I was a little worried there for a second. :)

  10. 10.

    cleek

    June 16, 2013 at 3:44 pm

    @gbear:
    heavy rests the head that wears the crown of Dumbest Man On The Internet. it’s his hair-shirt crown of thorns, cross to bear, uphill both ways.

  11. 11.

    Ted & Hellen

    June 16, 2013 at 3:44 pm

    Off to a fresh Seig Heil Obama thread already of course.

    Cole keeping his Bot core commenters happy is, I suppose, necessary for page views, ad clicks, and the resultant grifting…

  12. 12.

    Yatsuno

    June 16, 2013 at 3:45 pm

    @cleek: You fergot in five feet of snow. Also. Too.

  13. 13.

    Chyron HR

    June 16, 2013 at 3:47 pm

    @Ted & Hellen:

    You forgot the part where you insist that you’re only marching in lockstep with the GOP “FROM TEH LEFFFFFT”.

  14. 14.

    Jim, Foolish Literalist

    June 16, 2013 at 3:49 pm

    Off to a fresh Seig Heil Obama thread already of course.

    I’m mostly set to ignore, but fercrissake, maybe time for a time-out for Timmeh?

  15. 15.

    Comrade Jake

    June 16, 2013 at 3:52 pm

    @Ted & Hellen: I LOLLED at your first line. You have some talent.

  16. 16.

    Ted & Hellen

    June 16, 2013 at 3:54 pm

    @Jim, Foolish Literalist:

    BJ Bots are so very delicate and, well, just sort of tender in the makeup of their soft, crinkly, and tissue thin feelings.

    I suppose this is why Cole tosses out transparent Bot posts such as this one. To offer succor. To allow them to gently apply lotions and salves and ointments to their so very easily wounded membranes.

  17. 17.

    srv

    June 16, 2013 at 3:54 pm

    @Ted & Hellen: These people don’t have the Culture of Responsibility that you are so used too.

  18. 18.

    James E. Powell

    June 16, 2013 at 3:55 pm

    @John Cole

    still the dumbest man on the internet.

    That’s a bold statement; there are a lot of contenders for that title. And I don’t expect any of them to stand down any time soon.

  19. 19.

    p.a.

    June 16, 2013 at 3:57 pm

    Yes, B J’s pet rescue blegs. Grifting on the scale of Mobutu Sese Seko. Damn you John Cole.

  20. 20.

    James E. Powell

    June 16, 2013 at 3:58 pm

    @Ted & Hellen:

    At what point does [Obama] become responsible for anything?

    When it is a program or policy that his administration initiated and that the congress enacted & funded.

    Compromises forced on the administration by Republicans don’t count. They own everything that they insist upon.

  21. 21.

    Amir Khalid

    June 16, 2013 at 3:59 pm

    @sb:
    S’okay. It’s halftime.

    @Sehr geehrte Herrn Ted und Hellen:
    Sieg Heil.

    Hochachtungsvoll,
    Amir Khalid.

  22. 22.

    gbear

    June 16, 2013 at 3:59 pm

    @Ted & Hellen: Actually, You’re keeping the ‘Bots’ happy; You post, we point and laugh and laugh.

    In case you didn’t read the link, Hoft & company are whining about something that was created by an all-republican government before Obama became president. Why should this make ‘Bots’ happy, other than getting to point and laugh at Hoft’s knee-jerk reaction and your vociferous butthurt?

  23. 23.

    burnspbesq

    June 16, 2013 at 4:01 pm

    @Ted & Hellen:

    Fuck you. You’re in no position to deride anybody for lacking intelligence, wisdom, judgment, or a dick.

  24. 24.

    Yatsuno

    June 16, 2013 at 4:02 pm

    @Amir Khalid: Oh my. How uncivil of you. Yer gonna make Special Timmeh send Big Daddy Cole a sternly worded e-mail. With parts in all caps.

  25. 25.

    Jewish Steel

    June 16, 2013 at 4:04 pm

    If you’re living rent free inside my head, why bother texting?

  26. 26.

    BGinCHI

    June 16, 2013 at 4:05 pm

    You know who else called themselves “Ted & Helen”?

  27. 27.

    Suffern ACE is a Basset Hound

    June 16, 2013 at 4:08 pm

    @Jewish Steel: well do you log in there every day? Probably best to send a little note on your phone.

  28. 28.

    MattR

    June 16, 2013 at 4:09 pm

    @James E. Powell:

    When it is a program or policy that his administration initiated and that the congress enacted & funded.

    I would add the phrase “completely uncontroversial and obviously constitutional” to differentiate it from things like enhanced interrogation or electronic surveillance.

    For Ted & Hellen, I would also add that nobody was trying to absolve Obama of responsibility for this program since it is completely innocuous. Instead they were just trying to provide historical context to explain why Republican hyperventilating over this program was misplaced and laughable.

  29. 29.

    Forum Transmitted Disease

    June 16, 2013 at 4:11 pm

    26 posts and I can only see 16. Conclusions that can be inferred:

    1. Troll-B-Gone works
    2. Everyone must be bored stiff today.
    3. If you stop feeding rats and cockroaches, they stop infesting your home. Think about it.

  30. 30.

    Temporarily Max McGee (soon enough to be Andy K again)

    June 16, 2013 at 4:12 pm

    @BGinCHI:

    Dumbest things in this post:

    1.A. Hoft

    1.B. Comment #1

    1.C. Comment #2

    FIFY

  31. 31.

    Chyron HR

    June 16, 2013 at 4:12 pm

    Jeez, Tim/Ted, don’t you have some daughters you should be spending Father’s Day with? Or did the Bots at Child Services object to that whole “rape is hawt” thing you keep going on about?

  32. 32.

    Villago Delenda Est

    June 16, 2013 at 4:12 pm

    @BGinCHI:

    Nailed. Positively nailed.

  33. 33.

    Ted & Hellen

    June 16, 2013 at 4:15 pm

    @James E. Powell:

    Compromises forced on the administration by Republicans don’t count. They own everything that they insist upon.

    That poor Obama. Always having things FORCED on him by the damn Republicans, darn it.!

  34. 34.

    trollhattan

    June 16, 2013 at 4:18 pm

    @cleek:

    S’okay, his lack of mental acuity (or perhaps mental activity) is more than offset by his dashing countenance.

    http://www.sadlyno.com/archives/28901.html

    Don’t all swoon at once, ladies.

  35. 35.

    Amir Khalid

    June 16, 2013 at 4:18 pm

    @Yatsuno:
    I was tempted to say to our friend: Ficken Sie bitte sich. But I know there’s no shortage of people to say that.

  36. 36.

    gbear

    June 16, 2013 at 4:21 pm

    @Forum Transmitted Disease:

    3. If you stop feeding rats and cockroaches, they stop infesting your home. Think about it.

    I’m thinking about termites.

  37. 37.

    trollhattan

    June 16, 2013 at 4:22 pm

    @Amir Khalid:

    Why so formal? When it comes to Timmeh, sie können ihren duzen.

  38. 38.

    Chris

    June 16, 2013 at 4:22 pm

    @Amir Khalid:

    “Ficken Sie bitte euch,” isn’t it? (Been a long time since I’ve spoken German, so I could very well be wrong).

  39. 39.

    Yatsuno

    June 16, 2013 at 4:22 pm

    @trollhattan: You made me look. You bastage.

    @Amir Khalid: That has indeed occurred several times already. I wouldn’t blame you for indulging yourself however.

  40. 40.

    lamh36

    June 16, 2013 at 4:23 pm

    @AntDeRosa: C|net story alleging NSA could listen to phone calls without warrant updated with Nadler spox saying it's untrue http://t.co/5MMKBT3hpm"

  41. 41.

    Keith

    June 16, 2013 at 4:26 pm

    My favorite posts on LGF are the ones ripping Jim Hoft. Low-hanging fruit, but that’s the sweetest kind.

  42. 42.

    trollhattan

    June 16, 2013 at 4:28 pm

    @Yatsuno:

    Once seen, cannot be unseen. Although it’s worth a try with, say, a big syrah.

  43. 43.

    MattR

    June 16, 2013 at 4:30 pm

    @lamh36: That statement from Nadler’s spokesman doesn’t clear up much of anything

    James Owens, a spokesman for Nadler, provided a statement on Sunday morning, a day after this article was published, saying: “I am pleased that the administration has reiterated that, as I have always believed, the NSA cannot listen to the content of Americans’ phone calls without a specific warrant.” Owens said he couldn’t comment on what assurances from the Obama administration Nadler was referring to, and said Nadler was unavailable for an interview. (CNET had contacted Nadler for comment on Friday.)

  44. 44.

    Amir Khalid

    June 16, 2013 at 4:35 pm

    @Chris:
    Ficken Sie bitte sich if you siezen Ted & Hellen. Fickt bitte euch if you address’em as ihr, which is of course the plural of du.

  45. 45.

    Amir Khalid

    June 16, 2013 at 4:36 pm

    @trollhattan:
    Well, since I was saying bitte …

  46. 46.

    Chris

    June 16, 2013 at 4:37 pm

    @Amir Khalid:

    Ahh, thank you for the correction.

    I get confused because in French, the formal way of addressing “you” is to call people by the plural form of “you,” whereas in German, they do it by calling saying “they.”

  47. 47.

    ruemara

    June 16, 2013 at 4:38 pm

    @Ted & Hellen: How is this about Obama because of Obots? You brought him up. It’s like all you think about is Obama and how every thread is the life or death struggle of whether he’s good or evil. Jesus, talk about art or something. Be different for once.

  48. 48.

    Baud

    June 16, 2013 at 4:39 pm

    @MattR:

    Clearly, Nadler got a threatening text message from Obama pursuant to the WARN Act.

  49. 49.

    trollhattan

    June 16, 2013 at 4:40 pm

    @Amir Khalid:
    :-) True, true.

  50. 50.

    Amir Khalid

    June 16, 2013 at 4:49 pm

    @Chris:
    Actually, this is not a difference; Sie, like vous, can be either singular or plural depending on the situation. German has this quirk of having three quite different pronouns — sie (she), sie (they), and Sie (you, formal, with initial cap) — that look alike.

  51. 51.

    Mr Stagger Lee

    June 16, 2013 at 4:50 pm

    Bitte eine Bit!!! While tugging at my bowtie, holding up a glass.

  52. 52.

    Weaselone

    June 16, 2013 at 5:21 pm

    @Mr Stagger Lee:

    Bitte kein Bitt. Es schmecht wie Arschwasser.

  53. 53.

    Mr Stagger Lee

    June 16, 2013 at 5:29 pm

    @Weaselone: :-) Yeah I guess that was for American Servicemen who were naive. But I liked that logo.

  54. 54.

    Randy P

    June 16, 2013 at 6:09 pm

    @Ted & Hellen: No matter how many years he is President, and even for the rest of eternity, 2006 will always be during the Bush years and not the Obama years.

    There will never be a point at which Obama is responsible for laws passed in 2006. K? Not even 2 million years from now.

  55. 55.

    Mnemosyne

    June 16, 2013 at 6:11 pm

    So, just to recap, Timmy agrees with the Dumbest Man on the Internet that it’s a horrible infringement on our civil liberties for the government to send us disaster alerts on our cell phones. Apparently people in hurricane or tornado zones are supposed to die rather than be warned of the danger ahead of time by — gasp! — the government!

  56. 56.

    pat

    June 16, 2013 at 6:14 pm

    @Chris:

    Fick dich, arschloch. (I don’t usually swear in German, so this may not be Hoch Deutsch.)

    Oops, forgot to capitalize Arschloch.

  57. 57.

    pat

    June 16, 2013 at 6:21 pm

    Bitte ein Bit. Saw this all over Berlin before I knew much German. I finally figured out this was an ad for Bitburger Pils.

  58. 58.

    Amir Khalid

    June 16, 2013 at 6:31 pm

    @Mnemosyne:
    T&H always seeks to emulate whom he admires.

    @pat:
    Ahem. We’re discussing polite ways to say “Please GFY” auf Deutsch.

  59. 59.

    LAC

    June 16, 2013 at 6:31 pm

    @ruemara: you really want to hear about this talentless twat’s sad clown paintings?

  60. 60.

    LAC

    June 16, 2013 at 6:35 pm

    @Chyron HR: yeah, but just because ole teddy has a hooker call him “daddy”, it doesn’t make him a father. So his day is quite free.

  61. 61.

    pat

    June 16, 2013 at 6:57 pm

    @Amir Khalid:

    so I should not use the familiar case, or I should not use Arschloch.

    I think “Bitte Ficken Sie sich” is probably the best word order.

  62. 62.

    pat

    June 16, 2013 at 7:06 pm

    oops again, ficken should not be capitalized.

    I also rarely have to write in German.

  63. 63.

    Soonergrunt

    June 16, 2013 at 7:12 pm

    In laughing my ass off over here. That is all.

  64. 64.

    Ted & Hellen

    June 16, 2013 at 7:19 pm

    @ruemara:

    How is this about Obama because of Obots?

    Um, you DID read the link yes? If not, um, I can’t help you. Carry on, Bot.

  65. 65.

    ruemara

    June 16, 2013 at 8:05 pm

    @Ted & Hellen: Did YOU read the link? Carry on, sociopath.

    @LAC: Yes. I’d much rather. Even if you don’t care for the artwork, sometimes the process is far more interesting than you’d think. The same old, same old is a bit sad, when artist’s mind needs to be innovative to keep creation from being stale. bqwhatvwer. It’s his life.

  66. 66.

    A Humble Lurker

    June 16, 2013 at 8:58 pm

    @Ted & Hellen:
    Oh, right. Anything forced on someone is something they secretly want, right Timmy?

  67. 67.

    steve

    June 16, 2013 at 9:01 pm

    @gbear:

    gbear says:
    June 16, 2013 at 3:41 pm
    __
    I wonder how it feels knowing that everyone refers to you constantly as ‘The Dumbest Man On The Internet’, and that every time you hit ‘submit’ you’re going to give them all a reason to call you that again? For anyone that wasn’t the dumbest man on the internet it would be kind of draining.

    Most of Hoft’s commenters are just as stupid and racist as Hoft, if not more. Read a comment section of his sometime. I did once, and clicked away shortly after somebody complained about “louder-than-normal-in-restaurants minorities” etc etc,

  68. 68.

    Mnemosyne

    June 16, 2013 at 9:14 pm

    @Ted & Hellen:

    Um, you DID read the link yes?

    I read the link. This is a law that was passed in 2006 when that other guy (what was his name again?) was still president. You do remember that there was a different guy who was president before Obama, right? Or has the ODS taken over your brain to the extent that you’re pissed off about Obama not paying sufficient attention to the “Bin Laden Determined to Strike in US” memo in the summer of 2001?

  69. 69.

    Ted & Hellen

    June 16, 2013 at 10:13 pm

    @Mnemosyne:

    You’re as stupid as is possible to be.

    Fuck off, bitch.

  70. 70.

    Liberty60

    June 16, 2013 at 10:33 pm

    @steve:
    I scanned the comments on Hoft’s blog, and saw several of the “I just got off the phone with my cell carrier, and I told THEM, I said…”

    Suddenly I felt a rush of pity for the unforrtunate Indian call center operators, suddenly and inexplicably on the receiving end of the Cheetos-fueled wrath of Hoft’s commentariat about the dictator Obama and his daily messages.

  71. 71.

    KmCO

    June 16, 2013 at 10:46 pm

    @Ted & Hellen:

    Tim, just now:

    You’re as stupid as is possible to be.

    Fuck off, bitch.

    Tim, upthread:

    BJ Bots are so very delicate and, well, just sort of tender in the makeup of their soft, crinkly, and tissue thin feelings.

    I’ll leave that without further comment.

  72. 72.

    KmCO

    June 16, 2013 at 10:51 pm

    @Ted & Hellen:

    January, 20, 2009–June, 16, 2013….five years? Hmmm, methinks Timmy’s math does not add up.

  73. 73.

    Ted & Hellen

    June 16, 2013 at 10:52 pm

    @KmCO:

    I see you are stupid too.

    So the fact that phlegmnospleen has delicate feelings means…what to you?

    Could you explain how her tender fee fees regarding Barack are tied into me directing her to fuck off and referring to her as a commonly used epithet?

    I’ll wait.

  74. 74.

    Ted & Hellen

    June 16, 2013 at 10:55 pm

    @Ted & Hellen: @KmCO:

    Oh gosh…I see that you are stupid too.

  75. 75.

    KmCO

    June 16, 2013 at 10:57 pm

    @Ted & Hellen:

    Since I suspect that you’re merely playing as dumb as you come off, keep on waitin.’ Not everyone is going to do your thinking for you.

  76. 76.

    Ted & Hellen

    June 16, 2013 at 11:05 pm

    @KmCO:

    That poor Obama, always the victim of using and enforcing laws and procedures forced, forced I tell you!, on him by evil republicans.

    Because presidents never simply ignore or refuse to use laws and procedures they don’t favor. No, that never, ever happens.

    Not ever at all.

  77. 77.

    Joey Maloney

    June 17, 2013 at 12:07 am

    @Mnemosyne: Oh hell, I’m sure he’s still blaming Obama for the Alien and Sedition Acts.

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