Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

Incompetence, fear, or corruption? why not all three?

The poor and middle-class pay taxes, the rich pay accountants, the wealthy pay politicians.

Consistently wrong since 2002

Innocent people don’t delay justice.

In short, I come down firmly on all sides of the issue.

Pessimism assures that nothing of any importance will change.

Something needs to be done about our bogus SCOTUS.

A last alliance of elves and men. also pet photos.

Fuck these fucking interesting times.

“Can i answer the question? No you can not!”

Joe Lieberman disappointingly reemerged to remind us that he’s still alive.

We are aware of all internet traditions.

Optimism opens the door to great things.

Chutkan laughs. Lauro sits back down.

But frankly mr. cole, I’ll be happier when you get back to telling us to go fuck ourselves.

The GOP couldn’t organize an orgy in a whorehouse with a fist full of 50s.

And now I have baud making fun of me. this day can’t get worse.

If senate republicans had any shame, they’d die of it.

Too often we hand the biggest microphones to the cynics and the critics who delight in declaring failure.

Reality always lies in wait for … Democrats.

Ron DeSantis, the grand wizard, oops, governor of FL

Meanwhile over at truth Social, the former president is busy confessing to crimes.

I’m pretty sure there’s only one Jack Smith.

Let’s finish the job.

You are here: Home / Open Threads / Monday Evening Open Thread: Clueless Quote of the Day

Monday Evening Open Thread: Clueless Quote of the Day

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Alex Seitz-Wald, at Salon, eavesdrops on the next generation of young conservatives:

“How do you make abortion funny?” That was a key question mulled at a major conservative gathering Friday on how to make social conservatism appealing to young people, after an election where Republicans got trounced in the battle for millennial voters (who are are moving even further and further away from the Christian-right on marriage and other issues).

Abortion has to be made funny, the thinking goes, because funny sells on social media, and that’s where one goes to court young people. “You can engage with sarcasm, it’s hard with the abortion issue, but you have to,” said Students for Life president Kristan Hawkins at a breakout panel at the Faith and Freedom Coalition Conference in Washington today on how to win millennial voters. “Unfortunately we have to, because this is the generation that we’ve been dealt.”…

Read the whole thing — it’s not long! — and keep in mind: These are not AARP voters, these are college kids. Okay, Liberty University college kids, but still.

Apart from being grateful that we’re not Republicans, what’s on the agenda for the evening?

Reader Interactions

182Comments

  1. 1.

    BGinCHI

    Unfortunately we have to, because this is the generation that we’ve been dealt.

    There it is, that piercing critical thinking that gets to the heart of the matter. And articulated with such wit!

    I lament that the mainstream media doesn’t call people on the right “Reactionaries.”

    Whatever happened to this tag? That is all they are and all they can do.

    Oh, the kids these days don’t like what we stand for and won’t do what we say! How can we fool them?

  3. 3.

    Yatsuno

    It’s like a parody of what they think kids will respond to. Burst your wingnut bubble once in awhile or something.

  4. 4.

    pokeyblow

    I suppose the jokewriter who had Bush II looking under couches for WMD would be willing to give this one a try.

  6. 6.

    Lawrence

    “We keep nominating moderates and we keep losing.” By all means, GOP, please PLEASE serve up Santorum/Ryan in 2016, or Ryan/Santorum. I don’t care who is on top.

  7. 7.

    scav

    MBA think can be injected at about exactly that age. Social Media and Humor Marketing aren’t they currently the magic memes du marketing moment on all the proper flipbook powerpoints?

  8. 8.

    Omnes Omnibus

    I remember someone coming to a Halloween party in the 80s wearing a diaper with a wire coat hanger on his head. Perhaps they could try that.

    Assholes.

  11. 11.

    c u n d gulag

    GOP Youth Outreach:
    When you go into ‘the bush,’ go like W – ALL IN!!!

    Don’t pull out like Obama – in dribs and drabs, like in Iraq and Afghanistan!

    Badda-bing-bam-boom-crash!

    We’ll be here ALL weekend!!
    Try the roast Messican!

  12. 12.

    aimai

    But its not just the marketing people who think like this–don’t the interview a few of the “youngsters” who think the same way. There is a huge “wanna be cool” factor here. The younguns clearly feel that the republican party has a whiff of moth balls and decay about it, and they don’ t want its cooties to rub off on them even if they like the low taxfuckyour neighbor aspects of it.

  14. 14.

    Ted & Hellen

    I love Edward Snowden more and more:

    Further, it’s important to bear in mind I’m being called a traitor by men like former Vice President Dick Cheney. This is a man who gave us the warrantless wiretapping scheme as a kind of atrocity warm-up on the way to deceitfully engineering a conflict that has killed over 4,400 and maimed nearly 32,000 Americans, as well as leaving over 100,000 Iraqis dead. Being called a traitor by Dick Cheney is the highest honor you can give an American, and the more panicked talk we hear from people like him, Feinstein, and King, the better off we all are. If they had taught a class on how to be the kind of citizen Dick Cheney worries about, I would have finished high school.

    Yes, Botsplainers and Dick Cheney: A perfect alliance.

  16. 16.

    bill d

    Start shooting abortion doctors with those guns that unfurl a flag that says bang?

  18. 18.

    MattF

    Yes, it’s hard being a winger– the comforting bubble continues to shrink, the heavy breathing makes the oxygen level go down faster, the glorious future recedes into the middle distance, you can’t help but notice that the person standing next to you is drooling…

  19. 19.

    Amir Khalid

    So these young Republicans figure they can win over their contemporaries if they can make conservative jokes funnier than the Democrats’ liberal jokes. They’re still in denial about the toxicsubstance of Republican policy ideas, just like their elders at party HQ.

    They’re just looking for wrapping paper so nice, people won’t care what’s in the present. One of these days, you wait and see, they’ll find that wrapping paper, and then everyone will just love the turd inside the box!

  23. 23.

    Sly

    “Unfortunately we have to, because this is the generation that we’ve been dealt.”

    Oh, to be in the thoroughly unenviable position of needing to court constituencies that you hold in utter contempt.

    Maybe next they’ll try to partner up with Del Taco to offer “Tax Cut Bean Burritos.” Don’t them Mexicans like that stuff?

  29. 29.

    Anne Laurie

    @Michael G:

    Abort a clown?

    Or an African-American lesbian clown, maybe? Bada-bing!

    I’m thinking of the Hunter S. Thompson riff about how Nixon’s idea of piss-your-pants humor was a wheelchair-bound cripple not being able to reach the (D) lever in the voting booth. Whatever the College Repubs produce won’t be funny, but it will be hella illuminating.

  30. 30.

    MattR

    As the Republican Party tries to remake itself after the 2012 election to better appeal to young people and minorities, there’s been a movement to jettison issues social conservatives hold dear, especially support for “traditional marriage.” But the activists at Ralph Reed’s confab said absolutely not. “You’ve got to be pro-life, you’ve got be pro-marriage, or else you’re not going to get our money,” Hawkins said firmly.
    …(snip)
    That finding (EDIT: referring to the recent college republicans poll about why young people don’t vote GOP), said Chris Malagasi, the president of the Young Conservatives Coalition, shows that politicians can still appeal to young people while opposing gay marriage, as long as they talk about the issue in a smart way. That smart way includes snark, and it includes social media.

    Yep. The use of snark and social media to smartly explain why gay marriage should remain illegal will definitely lead to young people forgetting that the GOP’s opposition to same sex marriage is harming their gay friends.

  34. 34.

    Comrade Dread

    “How do you make abortion funny?”

    Oh, sweet fracking Buddha.

    “Seriously, people, who needs abortion? It’s so unnecessary. Like when I found out I was going to be a father and I wasn’t ready, I just stopped taking the girl’s calls. Pretty simple, baby lives, and I get to get on with my life. Everybody wins, am I right?”

    I’d throw in a joke about forcing a rape victim to carry to term, but I’m not funny enough to even make a parody joke about the subject.

    While I am pro-life, I would say, have some bloody empathy. This isn’t a subject you snark about or joke about.

    This is a difficult life decision and if you want to reduce abortions, how about you support expanded access to and education about contraceptives, free pre-natal care, delivery, and any NICU costs; expanded help to poor women who would struggle to pay for another child; more programs to bring greater awareness to domestic abuse; free preschool; and a host of other programs that might actually make it easier for some women to prevent pregnancy or to choose life.

  36. 36.

    Suffern ACE

    @MattR: What exactly was those years of “Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve”. or “Next thing you know, we’ll be marrying goats?” There is already snark on the issue.

  39. 39.

    ? Martin

    Knock knock!
    Who’s there?
    Tiller.
    Tiller who?
    Tiller her to carry to term because I’ve looted the taxpayers in order to kill you!

  40. 40.

    Suffern ACE

    That said, the Democratic message to the youth of today is what exactly? Grin and bear it? Your life could get worse?

  42. 42.

    gbear

    There’s an R. Crumb strip in an old Zap! comic book where the setup line has a hippy gal telling her hippie guy “I’m pregnant! Can you dig it?” I don’t even have to tell you what the punchline was.

  47. 47.

    EmanG

    Reminds me of the German response to the “funniest joke in the world” sketch on Monty Python.

    “Der ver zwei peanuts, valking down der strasse, and von vas . . . assaulted! peanut.”

    Will probably be just as effective…

  48. 48.

    kuvasz

    Every single one of those ignorant mother fuckers ought to be drafted into armed combat.

  51. 51.

    NonyNony

    @Comrade Dread:

    have some bloody empathy.

    Oh Dread – if they had empathy they wouldn’t be Republicans.

    This isn’t a subject you snark about or joke about.

    Actually it is, but it turns out that the jokes that work tend to be about mocking old white men for trying to make choices on behalf of women instead of letting women make those choices for themselves.

    Republicans can’t make those jokes though because, well, old white men not letting other people make choices for themselves is actually the GOP platform.

    This is a difficult life decision and if you want to reduce abortions, how about

    I’m gonna stop you right there because these clowns don’t actually want to reduce abortions. If they did they would be in favor of the two things that are actually known to work – comprehensive sex education and unrestricted access to birth control. They would be at the front line in making birth control an over the counter drug that doesn’t need a prescription. They would also be agitating for subsidies for birth control to keep the prices low so that access could be universal.

    But they don’t give a rat’s ass about any of that. What they want – especially kids at Liberty University in 2013 – is to force the rest of the country to engage in their attempt to turn the clock back to a fantasy version of the 1950s so that the entire country engages in the “Leave it to Beaver” cosplay that they so desperately want to engage in.

  52. 52.

    Shortstop

    The Young Republicans may not be spring chickens, but is the person complaining about “the generation [she’s] been dealt” not a college student, a member of the very age demographic she despises? Ai yi yi.

  54. 54.

    Suffern ACE

    A teacher, a democratic mayor and a large education reform donor walk into a bar. The bartender says “what yah having.” The mayor says, “The teacher says drinks are on him.”

  57. 57.

    Chris

    How the fuck these people even relate to their kids, I don’t know. “The young” have now joined “women,” “minorities,” “Jews” and all these other groups as a mysterious tribe whose customs must be fathomed if the RNC is to initiate First Contact with them.

  58. 58.

    Higgs Boson's Mate

    @schrodinger’s cat:

    YMMV. I was a member of an in-person writers’ group for some years and I found it very helpful. Others dropped out because they weren’t comfortable with the feedback on their work.

  59. 59.

    Arclite

    @Yatsuno:

    It’s like a parody of what they think kids will respond to.

    I agree, The Onion couldn’t have written it better.

    Conservatives could gain traction on abortion (which nobody likes, but some of us see the necessity of it) if they were very pro contraception. But they aren’t. You lose 90% of people when your message is: “Sex? Only one man and one woman, missionary position, once a month, only for procreation, and no birth control.”

  60. 60.

    BGinCHI

    @schrodinger’s cat: My advice is get into a writing group with actual people. Or take a class (continuing ed, extension, community college, etc.). If you live in a city there are lots of workshops where you can pay and join; some of them are really good. But if you have any writer friends it’s cheaper and easier to form a group, set some rules, and get busy. Where do you live?

  61. 61.

    ranchandsyrup

    One of my favorite Clueless quotes:

    Amber: Ms. Stoeger, my plastic surgeon doesn’t want me doing any activity where balls fly at my nose.

    Dionne: Well, there goes your social life.

  62. 62.

    kuvasz

    @EmanG:

    Where the joke launched by the Allies in the Ardennes was….

    Man one: “My dog has no nose!”
    Man two: “Well, then how does he smell?”
    Man one: “AWFUL!”

    Thankfully, peace broke out and joke warfare was banned.

  63. 63.

    jl

    ” The poll, which showed that while young people support marriage equality…, the issue is not young people’s top priority. That finding,… shows that politicians can still appeal to young people while opposing gay marriage, as long as they talk about the issue in a smart way. ”

    Yeah, I guess the GOP should move on to their other other policy stands that are diametrically opposed to the interests of youth, and that are top priority.

    Total fail. I like it.

  64. 64.

    ruemara

    These are very…interesting people. Can we return them and get something better?

  65. 65.

    BGinCHI

    @Suffern ACE: Then the donor shuts down the bar and fires all the employees and then makes really fucking terrible software for shitty personal computers.

  66. 66.

    schrodinger's cat

    @BGinCHI: In western Massachusetts. I checked out 2 local groups online, they want my munnies and I is cheap.
    ETA: They advertise retreats for writers and such, seemed geared to an older tote bagger kind of a demographic.

  67. 67.

    Suffern ACE

    166 men were stranded in Guantamo. One day, a small bottle washes ashore. They open it and out pops a genie. “I’ve been trapped in this bottle for 500 years. Thank you for freeing me. I’d give you one wish, but fuck y’all, who cares.”

  68. 68.

    ranchandsyrup

    Lucky for them they have noted comedians Dennis Miller, Victoria Jackson and Sarah Palin on their side. Put them in a room together and flood it and watch the highlarious comedic magick flow.

  69. 69.

    Joseph Nobles

    Obama’s on Charlie Rose tonight, talking NSA. The go-to quote being pumped before the show? Obama: “I’m not Dick Cheney.”

    There’s a story on this right now at Politico. No links, you can find it. But the comments are a fever-swamp. I can’t find where Twitchy or Breitbart are wormholing the story, so maybe Politico comments are always like this? Yeesh.

  70. 70.

    Roger Moore

    @Arclite:

    You lose 90% of people when your message is: “Sex? Only one man and one woman, missionary position, once a month, only for procreation, and no birth control the way we say you can.”

    Shorter.

  72. 72.

    Forum Transmitted Disease

    Hard to get laid when you’re wearing your grandfather’s plaid suit from 1965.

    Failure: the future of the GOP is staring it in the face.

  74. 74.

    Betty Cracker

    @schrodinger’s cat: Gotcha. I had a cousin who was a successful novelist, and she swore by in-person writer’s groups. I’m not sure if it was the critiques or camaraderie she valued most. Good luck finding one!

  75. 75.

    Just Some Fuckhead

    Here’s how you make abortion funny: dress up the abortionists as blood-spattered clowns. How funny is that? Clowns!

  76. 76.

    Chris

    @Suffern ACE:

    A CEO, a unionized employee and a teabagger walk into a bar. They order twelve cookies. The CEO eats eleven of them, turns to the teabagger, and tells him “watch out for that union man, he wants a piece of your cookie.”

  77. 77.

    Forum Transmitted Disease

    Lucky for them they have noted comedians Dennis Miller, Victoria Jackson and Sarah Palin on their side.

    @ranchandsyrup: Two of those three oldsters are, by their own admission, burned-out cokeheads. Miller’s pimping cars for one of the local LA dealers, that’s how far he has fallen. From zero to zero.

    Palin, at least, seems to have had the good sense not to admit it.

  78. 78.

    Gex

    No matter how craptacular my year is going, I believe you have just found the silver lining that will pull me through.

    grateful that we’re not Republicans

  79. 79.

    piratedan

    at first I thought I wanted a college degree, but then I realized that as a single working mother, I might have to move back in with my parents in order to make ends meet! WIN!

  80. 80.

    pokeyblow

    Q: Why didn’t Sarah Palin abort Trig?

    A: Because her horndog daughter was the one carrying the baby.

  82. 82.

    Just Some Fuckhead

    Four more of you motherfuckers just went into the pie filter for being unfunny. Martin, have you given any thought to killing yourself?

  83. 83.

    srv

    How about: “I’d get an abortion, but have you seen that fabulous H&M maternity wear?”

  86. 86.

    pokeyblow

    Actually, I don’t know whether it makes abortion funny, but the thought of some never-laid college republicans brainstorming over how to make abortion funny… is kind of funny.

  87. 87.

    Just Some Fuckhead

    @PaulW:

    …so this fetus walks into a bar…

    .. and the bartender says, “What’ll it be little guy, whiskey?” And the fetus replies, “No, that’s what got me into this mess!”

  89. 89.

    PaulW

    @ranchandsyrup:

    Dennis Miller used to be a little more even-handed with his ranting, he’d go after the Rushite dittoheads as much as the DFH. What happened to him, his ass used to be beautiful…

  90. 90.

    Smiling Mortician

    @schrodinger’s cat: If you’re going to pay money, then you may as well spend it on a class, where you will not only meet other writers who are somewhat serious about craft, but also an instructor who probably knows what she or he is doing. Added advantage: often, classmates will go on to form a free writers’ group once the course is finished.

  92. 92.

    Suffern ACE

    A group of college kids were agitating in the park. A Senator walks by and says “What seems to be the problem?.” They respond “We can’t get jobs. Our student loan payments are too high. Our wages are stagnating and falling. Inequality is rising to the point that we’re becoming like Brazil.” The Senator says “That’s where the ladies go topless on the beach. Who doesn’t want that. Hubba hubba drool” and goes on to his fundraiser.

  93. 93.

    Higgs Boson's Mate

    @schrodinger’s cat:

    I am a bit leery of online groups for a couple of reasons. First, it’s impossible online to get the same immediacy of conversation that you get in a face to face setting. Second, it’s very easy to misinterpret or misunderstand online remarks.

    It took me some time to understand the perspective of the other writers in my group. It took some more time to learn how to give and get effective feedback. People who have paid to join a group have already demonstrated a level of commitment that suggests to me that they’ll stay around for a while. I’d pay the money if the cost isn’t prohibitive.

  95. 95.

    gogol's wife

    @BGinCHI:

    I’ve been meaning to ask you, do you find Balloon Juice helpful with your poetry writing? I’m translating a memoir by a poet, and I find that the levels of language I learn on here have been very helpful (I’m not putting it very clearly, but you know what I mean — I need some slang that doesn’t sound outdated or British, and the cadences I get in my head from reading the comments here are coming in handy).

  96. 96.

    ranchandsyrup

    @PaulW: He may have ran out of funny a la Chevy Chase but he realizes he doesn’t have to be funny as a wingnut comedian. Just angry. He always had that part down.
    Also, failing on Monday Night Football hurt him deeply.

  97. 97.

    JR in WV

    Wow!

    How stupid is that? They couldn’t get into a real university with that kind of thinking, so they’re at Liberty…

  98. 98.

    pokeyblow

    @schrodinger’s cat: My friend’s wife published a young-adult’s book with Abrams last year. On facebook, she goes on and on about the other authors in a group she’s involved with. I don’t know how unusual her experience is; and I’m sure the other quality of your fellow group-members will make all the difference.

  99. 99.

    pokeyblow

    Larry Flynt sees George W. Bush looking underneath a couch. Larry says, “are you still looking for those WMD?”

    Bush says, “no, I’m looking for Robin Lowman’s aborted fetus.”

  100. 100.

    BGinCHI

    @schrodinger’s cat: That’s the thing: you can’t control who is involved. Could be good, could be hideous. Bonus is that you might find 1 or 2 folks who you get on with and then you can share your work and use their comments. If you don’t know folks to do this with, that’s probably your best option. But you’d be right to go in with limited expectations.

    Or post a notice at a local bookstore? Lots and lots of smart folks and writers in that neck of the woods.

  101. 101.

    IowaOldLady

    @schrodinger’s cat: In my experience, in-person writing groups are most useful for the social support of other writers. I found one when I went to WisCon last year and another by signing up for it at a local art center ($45 for 8 weeks).

    Depending on the genre, there are online groups too, where you crit others to earn crits. If you’re writing science fiction/fantasy, the Online Writers Workshop is a good one.

  102. 102.

    Barry

    I love the part where the one young college Republican says (about the 2012 election):

    it was because the party was too moderate. “We keep nominating moderates and saying we need a big tent, but we keep losing.”

    Moar konservatizing pleez

  103. 103.

    Eric U.

    half of my immediate family lives in Lynchburg. Liberty seems to be doing well enough taking in as many home-schooled students as they can that they are taking over the town. It’s a little depressing. Unfortunately, they are starting a medical school.

    One thing that people haven’t seem to have figured out that the things that make it on social media usually have something going for them. If there was some compelling reason why people should be anti-choice and anti-birth control, I think we would all know about it.

  104. 104.

    BGinCHI

    @gogol’s wife: I’m not really a practicing poet. I write fiction only pretty much (scholarly stuff too, but tapering off a bit).

    But yes, oddly, it does help sometimes to come here and sling around some stuff to get going. You can’t write snappy dialogue if you don’t have wit and timing. Not saying I do but you have to practice somewhere. Mrs. BG can only take so much of me.

    Having said all that, you’d probably be amazed at how different my fiction is from the way I write comments here.

    I am going to get snarked for this, aren’t I?

  106. 106.

    MikeJ

    What they really don’t get is that the number one target of liberal humor is liberals. Conservatives didn’t make Portlandia to make fun of liberals, liberals made it.

    Today’s “conservatives” don’t believe in excess. That is, they don’t believe that there ever is any such thing as “too much”. Ever, of anything. Which sort of makes it impossible to gentle parodies of yourself. Until they can make jokes about themselves that both liberals and conservatives find funny, they will always fail at making jokes about others that anybody finds funny.

  107. 107.

    eric

    “How old is that kid? 7? I got a joke….two lesbians are walking down the street….” Tonight’s mystery comedian.

    how many women does it take to have an abortion? None. haha now can i have my koch-dollars

  108. 108.

    The Other Chuck

    @PaulW: Miller always struck me as the kind of faux-intellectual throwing out references to show off his erudition like a baboon’s ass. “Yeah it’s like Hasdrubal said to Hannibal, you take the Africanus, I’ll take the Assinus, amirite? Yeah? Cuz I’m smart and you dumb hicks arent, so trust me it’s funny, laugh.”

    So yeah, to use my own obscure reference, the Germans have a word, “Backpfeingesicht” and Miller always personified it. Weekend Update was all right, but a) he drove that into the ground trying sadly to repeat it over and over in his own short-lived shows and b) Seth Meyers blows him out of the water.

  109. 109.

    Just Some Fuckhead

    @BGinCHI:

    I am going to get snarked for this, aren’t I?

    Nope, pied. Let this be a lesson to the rest of you.

  111. 111.

    brendancalling

    It’s so sad to see people in their 20s holding perspectives better suited to elderly people.

    That said, on the agenda is Woody Pines, tonight at Sam’s Burger Joint in San Antonio Texas. Swing dance lesson before the show!

  112. 112.

    KmCO

    “Unfortunately we have to, because this is the generation that we’ve been dealt.”…

    Keep fucking that chicken.

    But on a less serious note,

    “How do you make abortion funny?”

    Well, how do you make anything funny? Just add the aristocrats.

  114. 114.

    Just Some Fuckhead

    @Chickenshit:

    Clowns frighten me.

    How about chainsaw-wielding clowns who yell “Abortion?!” really loudly no matter what family planning service you request?

  115. 115.

    eric

    @KmCO: and speak like christopher…..christopher walken. kills me every time.

    “Duane, I am due back on the planet earth……” Tonight’s mystery movie.

  117. 117.

    Zam

    Unfortunately we have to, because this is the generation that we’ve been dealt.

    Nothing says republican outreach like insulting the people you are trying to court

    Edit: Not sure why everything is in block

  118. 118.

    Fort Geek

    They should obviously start with the “Ermhagerd” girl:

    Ermahgerd! Erbertern! LERL!

    That’ll get the kids. For some extra amusement on top of the st000pit, put that wingnut girl’s remarks through an “Ermahgerd” translator.

  119. 119.

    Chyron HR

    What did the fetus say to the abortion doctor?

    “Please don’t kill me!”

    Huh, guess it was funnier with a death row inmate.

  120. 120.

    scav

    @BGinCHI: Different conversational and rhetorical styles in different contexts? Horrors! Inauthenticity! I bet you behave differently in the WC and classroom too.

  123. 123.

    srv

    @Just Some Fuckhead:

    Nope, pied. Let this be a lesson to the rest of you.

    You’re throwing out pies like partial-birth abortions.

    Who ever thought you’d replace the Santorum drinking game?

  125. 125.

    quannlace

    “Abortion has to be made funny, th”
    ***********

    “Yeah, lets find a way to joke about it, the way we do with colonoscopys or prostate exams and other medical procedures….oh wait”

    I thought the whole view of the Pro LIfe movement was that abortion was an unholy holocaust of the unborn. How exactly are you going to switch it to a stand-up routine?

  129. 129.

    shortstop

    @PaulW: And to think he comforts himself that next to fellow Republican SNL has-been Victoria Jackson, he doesn’t seem that crazy. That’s praising himself with faint damns.

  130. 130.

    BGinCHI

    @scav: Wrong. I behave exactly the same way in the classroom and on the can. It’s all about concentration. And preparation.

  132. 132.

    pokeyblow

    What did Mitt Romney say to the bank teller when he deposited his Stericycle dividend checks?

  134. 134.

    MikeJ

    Several of you liked the heron pics I posted this morning. About 20 minutes after I took those, I was just outside Coupeville where a farmer has haying. As they cut the grass, rats and rabbits and such would either a) run out into the open or b) get shredded. America’s favorite scavenger was there in numbers to clean up.

  135. 135.

    Soonergrunt

    @schrodinger’s cat: Does the content put out by any of the Front Pagers here resemble anything put out by a professional or semi-professional?
    Answer that question correctly…

  140. 140.

    BGinCHI

    @MikeJ: Man, I thought that said “heroin” at first.

    I was like, well, he does live in Seattle.

    (if you watch “The Killing,” all that goes on there is child prostitution and drug use)

  141. 141.

    The Other Chuck

    @shortstop: Pah, birds are what they are, and cuddly ain’t it. Eagles look super badass, and that was good enough for all the other empires that put it on their standards.

  143. 143.

    scav

    @BGinCHI: So you’ve won that youth vote they’re so desperately searching for much much further up the thread? ‘Grats Dude! Footnoted TP should be a money-spinner as a sideline.

  144. 144.

    shortstop

    @The Other Chuck: He had a point, though, about the turkey being rather specially American. Don’t get me wrong; I’m a raptor-loving girl, and have spent more weekends than I can remember watching ’em.

  148. 148.

    Berial

    The fact that this story ISN’T from ‘The Onion’ should make everyone sad. Just exactly how long do you have to be told your position SUCKS, before it sinks in that the trouble isn’t HOW you are saying it, but simply WHAT YOU ARE SAYING?

    ‘The yoots’ don’t like your positions. Period. Full Stop.

  152. 152.

    Villago Delenda Est

    @Arclite:

    Conservatives could gain traction on abortion (which nobody likes, but some of us see the necessity of it) if they were very pro contraception. But they aren’t.

    That’s because abortion itself was never the real issue here. It’s all about sluts being punished for exercising agency in 1) having sex without the express written approval of the broomstick-up-the-ass crowd, and 2) deciding for themselves if said sex resulted in pregnancy what to do about it.

    Sluts need to be punished. Contraception takes away one of the prime punishments…carrying a fetus to term, and then having to watch after it for eighteen years.

  153. 153.

    The Other Chuck

    @Berial: It’s always about messaging, of course, never the message. Conservatism can never fail, it can only be failed.

  156. 156.

    Suffern ACE

    Reince Priebus goes on tv and announces that the republicans have a new policy. “Going forward, pot is legal for people who don’t have abortions”

    Drat. I had the punch line while driving, but now I’m parked and can’t remember. Sorry for the set up.

  157. 157.

    Higgs Boson's Mate

    @gogol’s wife:

    Bingo. Gysin was one of those who re-discovered the cut up technique. He was an artist and as a part of his work he had cut up several newspapers with a razor blade. He cut out individual words and pasted them together semi-randomly to form a skewed sort of narrative. Minutes to Go was the book length application of the technique. One of the Dadaists first improvised something similar by creating poems using words drawn from a hat. William Burroughs made use of the technique in Nova Express.

  158. 158.

    Villago Delenda Est

    @MikeJ:

    Today’s “conservatives” don’t believe in excess. That is, they don’t believe that there ever is any such thing as “too much”. Ever, of anything

    They revel in wretched excess. It’s their ideal, their goal, their nirvana. It’s what they’re all about.

    Think Ann-Margaret in her white-on-white boudoir in Tommy.

  159. 159.

    monkeyfister

    @schrodinger’s cat:

    BTW how young are these Young Republicans?

    Well. These are Republicans, so I think Leonard Cohen fits here: “She’s 100, but she’s wearing something tight.”

  160. 160.

    thoughtcrime

    Knock, knock.

    Who’s there?

    Orange.

    Orange who?

    Orange you glad you weren’t aborted???

  162. 162.

    Sister Rail Gun of Warm Humanitarianism

    @schrodinger’s cat: It’s the wrong time of year, technically, but try the NaNoWriMo forum. They organize local groups every November, and some of them evolve into year-round groups.

  164. 164.

    Hungry Joe

    @schrodinger’s cat: There are just three of us in my writer’s group. We’re close friends; one’s an author and the other was a (fellow) journalist for many years. I’m not sure I’d have been published, or even managed to snag a literary agent, had it not been for their input. My suggestion: Find good people, good writers — people you trust — and be willing to take their advice. And be willing not to take their advice when your gut tells you not to. Then be wiling (maybe) to take that advice after all, once you’ve had time to calm down and think about it. What you DON’T want is a bunch of know-nothing wannabes ripping (or even praising) you and your work.

  167. 167.

    Baud

    Conservatives are so clueless. Everyone knows young people today are into musicals.

  171. 171.

    lojasmo

    @BGinCHI:

    (if you watch “The Killing,” all that goes on there is child prostitution and drug use)

    That was a brutal goddamned movie.

  176. 176.

    burnt

    @thoughtcrime: Hmm, I attended a Catholic grade school in the ’70s and I actually heard that one. Good times. Thanks for bringing back a flood o’ memories.

  177. 177.

    MoeLarryAndJesus

    Q. What’s red and white and red and white and red and white and red and white and red and white and blames everything on Obama?

    A. A Republican abortion in a blender.

  178. 178.

    Xenos

    @MoeLarryAndJesus: Exactly. Weren’t the ‘dead baby’ jokes of the 70s about abortion?

    The only one I remember, aside from the blender one, was the one about the dead baby crossing the road. I was in the third grade, so it did not make much sense to me.

  179. 179.

    Joey Maloney

    Joe Miller is raping an Alaskan in Wasilla, but she’s resisting and he can’t figure out the problem. Sarah Palin walks by and tells him, “She ain’t Inuit.”

  180. 180.

    Debbie(aussie)

    They really hav no fecking idea do they? Since when have liberals/ thos who believe in choice, made jokes about abortion? FSM help me! Yet the other size still has so much power. Money talks.

  181. 181.

    Wally Ballou

    @brendancalling: Well, if you’re a 20-something who also happens to a.) have had years of embryophilic propaganda drilled into you by parents and pastors, and/or b.) have difficulty getting laid yourself, with the concomitant bitterness and sour grapes resulting from said nookielessness, you’d be surprised how easy it can be.

  182. 182.

    Fred

    So this welfare queen and an ACLU lawyer walk into an abortion clinic with a bucket full of food stamps…

    Haw, Haw, HAW!

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