Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

Second rate reporter says what?

“More of this”, i said to the dog.

The willow is too close to the house.

An almost top 10,000 blog!

Impressively dumb. Congratulations.

rich, arrogant assholes who equate luck with genius

The republican caucus is already covering themselves with something, and it’s not glory.

Never entrust democracy to any process that requires republicans to act in good faith.

Give the craziest people you know everything they want and hope they don’t ask for more? Great plan.

Usually wrong but never in doubt

Nancy smash is sick of your bullshit.

Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

I did not have this on my fuck 2022 bingo card.

Yeah, with this crowd one never knows.

Not all heroes wear capes.

Black Jesus loves a paper trail.

When someone says they “love freedom”, rest assured they don’t mean yours.

Republicans seem to think life begins at the candlelight dinner the night before.

Technically true, but collectively nonsense

Nothing worth doing is easy.

“Jesus paying for the sins of everyone is an insult to those who paid for their own sins.”

Despite his magical powers, I don’t think Trump is thinking this through, to be honest.

JFC, are there no editors left at that goddamn rag?

No offense, but this thread hasn’t been about you for quite a while.

You are here: Home / Open Threads / Open Thread: Happy Birthday, John Griffin Cole

Reader Interactions

208Comments

  2. 2.

    Yatsuno

    Itz ur birfday! Itz ur birfday! Time to party! Itz ur birfday!

    Jeez, I just reaised you make a helluva lot more sense now JC. Gemini on the cusp of Cancer? Oi.

  4. 4.

    I am not a kook

    This won’t end well.

    Anyway, Happy Birfday from the birfers to Mr. Cole and thanks for letting us live in your metaphorical sofa cushions!

  6. 6.

    Tehanu

    Not just a summer soldier and sunshine patriot, John. Thanks for hosting this place, and many more happy birthdays to you!

  9. 9.

    piratedan

    I feel bad, it’s your birthday and all I got for you is this lame comment….

    regardless JC, enjoy your day, your four legged companions and life itself…

  11. 11.

    eemom

    Happy birthday to you……happy birthday to you…….happy biiiiirthday dear Coooooole…….happy birthday to yooooouuu!!

    Now c’mon and tell us all to go fuck ourselves, like a proper Cole.

  12. 12.

    max

    Assemble, fellow minions…

    Oh, I’ve got the best song for Comrade Cole:
    Concrete Blonde – Happy Birthday

    Well, outside in the hall, there’s a catfight
    It’s just after midnight
    I guess I’ll be all right
    I’m laid out on the floor
    Drunk and poor
    How much longer, how much more

    Rock me to sleep
    Strong & deep
    The screaming cats, they give me the creeps
    But aside from all that, I feel no pain
    Staring up at the ceiling stains
    …neon in the window
    …sirens far away
    …news on the radio
    Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday!

    They’re at it again next door
    This whole floor
    I swear they’re out to drive me crazy
    Not right now
    I’m high as a cloud
    I’m soft and gray and lazy
    …smokin’ out the window,
    …feelin’ far away
    …news on the radio
    Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday!

    …fly me out the window
    …somewhere far away
    …news on the radio
    Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday!
    Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday!

    max
    [‘Happy birthday, John!’]

  14. 14.

    Kansi

    Greetings from the green hills of County Kilkenny. Your corner of the cyber world is a daily gift to me. Thank you and have a rousing good time on your birthday. Many good times in the year ahead.

  18. 18.

    rda909

    Hey everyone, for a birthday present, be sure to click feverishly on those Newsmax headlines today and maybe, just maybe, if we all click constantly all night, he’ll be able to buy himself some soft serve at McDonalds as a present. It’ll be worth it to spread the Newsmax propaganda and lies, since you know, Newsmax is the ONLY option for Internet advertising. Nothing else could fill that block on this site. Nothing at all.

  19. 19.

    MikeJ

    All the birthday songs I currently have in iTunes:

    Birthday Song – Ben Lee
    Birthday – Blur
    Birthday Cake – Cibo Mato
    Today is my Birthday – Consolidated
    Happy Birthday to Me – Cracker
    Burning Flag Birthday Suit – Guided By Voices
    Tearing up old Birthday Cards – Itch
    Birthday Gal – The Replacements
    Unhappy Birthday – The Smiths
    Sad Birthday – Bombadil
    Happy Birthday – Stevie Wonder
    Happy Birthday – Altered Images

  22. 22.

    dance around in your bones

    Happy Birthday from all your despicable snarling mass of vitriolic vicious jackals/minions! We dare you to have fun!

    Pants or no pants, mop or no mop. But we want pics, regardless.

  24. 24.

    Alison

    Also, happy birthday JC. Hope it’s a good one, whatever that means for you :)

    (I don’t mean that as snark or anything. Some people think a birthday has to involve a big ass party, or getting shitfaced, or whatever. My invalid, hermitic self thinks people should do whatever they prefer to do, whether that’s partying or just chilling at home or whatever.)

  26. 26.

    eemom

    Wait a minute…..what’re we doing?

    Cole doesn’t even READ this blog.

    If we want to send birthday wishes, we’ll have to e-mail.

  28. 28.

    dance around in your bones

    @eemom: What a splendid idea!

    Let’s all send personal b’day wishes via these intertubes. Y’all can click on John’s email addy and then watch as he deletes his whole inbox in a most grumpy and public fashion!

  30. 30.

    Suzanne

    Go shorty, it’s your birthday, gonna party like it’s your birthday, gonna sip Bacardi like it’s your birthday…..

  31. 31.

    Steeplejack

    Happy birthday, Cole!

    Other than that I got nothing, but I feel contractually obligated to post something. I’m not tired and not sleepy, so I don’t want to go to bed, but I can’t find anything on TV for good background accompaniment. Kojak was on a while ago—surprisingly watchable for being 40 years old. (“Suprisingly watchable” = “watchable at all, even in background mode”). Always interesting to see guest stars and bit players on their way up (or down). James Woods appeared in an episode a while back, looking about 16 years old. But still really twisted, because even then he was James freakin’ Woods. But I digress.

    . . . Just bought two flashlights from this morning’s Woot blast. This may be the equivalent of Cole’s late-night Little Feat videos. So it goes on the night shift.

    Ah! Perry Mason. That’s always soothing. “The Case of the Absent Artist.” Hot beatnik chick in this one, if I remember correctly.

  39. 39.

    piratedan

    maybe we should request that he post a copy of his long form birth certificate just to prove that he’s an American Citizen?

  41. 41.

    JGabriel

    Happy Birthday, John Cole!

    Relax, eat well, drink too much, and spend the day with the girls.

  47. 47.

    It's Not The Fall, It's The Landing

    John Cole, we’re all glad you’ve made it through another year without killing yourself in a household accident, or being assassinated by that floofy white feline who grudgingly lets you and the dogs live at his house. See if you can survive another 12 months, OK?

  48. 48.

    Cathyish

    Happy birthday!

    Thank you for enduring all of us in the little corner of cyberspace that you’ve created.

  56. 56.

    SiubhanDuinne

    @raven: On the road. Overnighted in Charleston, WV (John’s favorite state capital) and am just toying with whether to get up now and hit the road or grab another few zizzes.

  57. 57.

    Punchy

    Given John’s ugly past, does the birthday tradition consist of Cheetos and Mountain Dew?

  59. 59.

    SiubhanDuinne

    @raven: It’s an absolutely gorgeous part of the country. Breathtaking scenery. I’ve enjoyed taking my sweet time on the road.

  67. 67.

    geg6

    Happy birthday, ya bastid!

    I forgot that your birthday was this time of year.

    Oh, and we need to talk. Shoot me an email if you get a chance. And please reply when I answer it this time, okay?

    ETA: And I don’t know if you like sitcoms at all, but I watched one on TBS called “Sullivan and Sons” on the recommendation of the local morning radio team (a rock station that focuses on comedy and sport in the morning). It’s set in Pittsburgh and is remarkably correct in its ‘Burgh-ness. I think the guy who stars is a Yinzer. Wasn’t bad. I’m going to sample it again. Apparently, Billy Gardell and two of the morning radio guys are guest starring for a couple of episodes.

  73. 73.

    c u n d gulag

    Happy Birthday, John!!!

    Or, as we say in Russian – Pozdravlee-i-yem tebya c dneeom rojdeneeyam, Ivan!!!

    Whatever!

    Have a great day!!!
    And many, many, happy returns!!!

  78. 78.

    J.

    Does he smell like a monkey and look like one too?

    Wishing you a very happy birthday, Mr. Cole. Hope the dogs didn’t leave you a present.

    Thanks for giving us readers many years of reading enjoyment.

  79. 79.

    COB

    Some profound poetry for JC on his BD.

    Now I don’t dig potato chips
    And I can’t dig torts
    But you can tripe my guacamole baby (it’s a guaca)
    Tripe my shorts
    ‘Cause it’s a hype case boogie gonna boogie my scruples away
    Hype boogie, tripe boogie, hype boogie
    All night long
    You bring your guitar, I’ll bring the wine
    Gonna tripe my guacamole baby just a one more time
    Cause It’s a tripe face boogie

  80. 80.

    Woodrowfan

    Happy Birthday! And FYI, Kent State Press has released a book on the 1963 Steelers. You might want to check it out.

  81. 81.

    Jeanne

    Happy birthday, John Cole! I’m just a lurker but am most grateful that you’re here and that you provide this cozy corner of mostly sanity in the blogoverse. Or wait, isn’t Tunch our Overlord, or just Cole’s?

  85. 85.

    J.T. Desaguliers

    Happy Birthday, John! I hope it’s gonna be a ball for you, from dawn to dusk. You have a great life and more friends than most people on Earth, so you should be happy about this special day. Thank you for giving us all a place to hang out.

  90. 90.

    Drunken hausfrau

    What are you drinking, Birthday Boy? Here’s my favorite toast: Salud, amor, pesetas, y tiempo para gozarlos!

  91. 91.

    Schlemizel

    Happy Birthday John. Thanks for keeping the doors to this joint open to those of us who make it your personal hell hole. May the years touch you lightly

  94. 94.

    Elizabelle

    Elegant full name.

    And a generous (albeit curmudgeonly) blog host. Despite what you might hear.

    HB JGC.

  95. 95.

    ronin122

    I call bullshit until I see the long form version of your birth certificate. But I’ll be nice and instead hope that you can have a slice or two of cake before Tunch destroys it by either sitting on it or swiping it off his table because it’s displaced his food bowl.

  97. 97.

    Elie

    Happy birthday John G! You and this site have been a very positive thing in my life this last rough year… Here’s to many many more!

    Elie

  98. 98.

    La Caterina (Mrs. Johannes)

    Happy Birthday Cole!

    And greetings from furry feline friends this blog has helped (some of whom I know personally). Let the Meow chorus begin!

  100. 100.

    Debbie(aussie)

    Still your birthday here in the land of Aus, for another 55 minutes. Enjoy, you young whipper snapper, you. Oh. And get off my lawn (i hear it’s traditional)

    Eta: I can’t spell

  101. 101.

    Luci

    Happy Birthday John! I hope you and Lily, Rosie, and Tunch all enjoy MANY more birthdays and that they are all happy! :)

  102. 102.

    The Very Reverend Crimson Fire of Compassion

    Happy Birthday, JC! “Birthday suit” is just an expression, btw. You can wear clothes if you feel like it. But you don’t have to. No pressure. I’m just saying, you’re an adult, and you have my permission to make yourself comfortable. You don’t mind my looking at you, do you? It’s nice to be admired, isn’t it? Yes, it is. Just relax now. Wait. What were we talking about? Nevermind.

  103. 103.

    wuzzat

    Hippo birdie 2 ewes!

    Oh, wait, WV… That was wordplay, not a proposition.

    I’m glad you were born and that you continue to exist. Have a great birthday and don’t let tunch eat all your cake.

  104. 104.

    Botsplainer, fka Todd

    To be honest, I’m a little disappointed that Cole didn’t bigfoot his own birthday greeting with a TV show post or an “I hate all of you assholes” post.

  105. 105.

    Svensker

    TVRCFOC made me laugh. And that’s thanks to you, John! Happy birthday, a day late and more than a dollar short!

  107. 107.

    gogol's wife

    Happy Birthday! Thank you for all the laughs, the information, the catharsis . . .

  108. 108.

    Felinious Wench

    Mazel tov, darlin’, from Texas.

    Go out and dance naked under the full moon tonight.

  116. 116.

    Chickamin Slam

    Now that I posted a birthday song … I am wondering … do you think John Cole has the international star power of Kate Upton to have Boehner show up and start crooning “Happy Birthday”?

  117. 117.

    Villago Delenda Est

    Happy Birthday, John.

    May you have many more, humble servant of Tunch.

  129. 129.

    p.a.

    Happy Birthday John.
    Front pagers- keep up the good work; don’t want to lose John’s, let’s say unique voice, to blog burnout. His blog moratoriums are up to a half hour lately.

  134. 134.

    Amir Khalid

    I join in the chorus of birthday wishes with Selamat harijadi ke43, Saudara Cole!

  141. 141.

    maya

    Here on the left coast we’re celebrating your B-Day like an old timer’s Peace [email protected] GG Park. Lots of grey haired hippies, patchouli and pot. Jerry Garcia is supposed to arrive any minute now. Happy Birthday Cole.

  149. 149.

    cyntax

    Happy Birthday you grumpy ole coot! Go enjoy yourself, but save the naked mopping for another day.

  151. 151.

    ilsalund41

    A very, very happy birthday to you, John Cole. I read this site every day and almost never comment, but I must come out of my shell to tell you that you and your fur family are wonderful, indeed. :) Many happy returns!

  152. 152.

    Suffern ACE

    @muddy: actually, John is kind of a night tripper. I think having his bd on the solstice is kind of a punishment for something he did in his past life.

  156. 156.

    MaryJane

    Left coaster just sitting down with my first cuppa joe, so I’m late too.

    Happiest of b’days John G. Cole! I’m glad to be spinning on this orb at the same time as you.

  159. 159.

    Brother Machine Gun of Desirable Mindfulness (fka AWS)

    Happy birthday! and the new site design suxxor! (kidding … mostly)

  160. 160.

    Brother Machine Gun of Desirable Mindfulness (fka AWS)

    @raven: @Higgs Boson’s Mate: To be honest, a Happy Birthday thread for the site owner isn’t really a good topic for an Open Thread, but that’s the way AL rolls.

  162. 162.

    Smiling Mortician

    Happy birthday, John! Know what you should give yourself? A new thread! Wouldn’t that be nice?

  165. 165.

    Mr Stagger Lee

    HAIL JOHN COLE!!!! OUR GREAT CONDUCTOR, HERO OF THE INTERNET MASSES!!!! HAIL OUR GLORIOUS COLOSSUS.
    HAIL OUR KEEPER OF TUNCH KEEPER OF THE ROSY! GREAT COMRADE JOHN COLE GIVE US THE ORDERS IN THE GLORY OF YOUR STEWARDSHIP!!!

  167. 167.

    Garbo

    Happy Birthday, innkeep! From one unabashed pet lover to another. I wish you many daring gazes from Lily-puppeh.

  168. 168.

    JGabriel

    Where are all the front-pagers? Almost ten hours without a new post.

    I am feeling bereft and abandoned!

  171. 171.

    Chyron HR

    @JGabriel:

    Obama had all the front pagers killed, just like he did Crash McSpeedy.

    THEY FOUND DEBRIS 100 FEET AWAY WAKE UP SHEEPOLOGISTS

  172. 172.

    And Another Thing…

    If you don’t have a hangover tomorrow, yur doing it wrong… Happy Birthday John!,,

  173. 173.

    gnomedad

    @SteveM:

    You’re a year older? I blame Obama.

    You know, you have a point — I was never this old before Obama.

    Happy birthday, John. Thanks for the hospitality.

  174. 174.

    Chickamin Slam

    @Botsplainer, fka Todd: Exactly we should be discussing the chances of the Pirates winning the World Series in the next decade. Or if Paula Deen will bake Freedom Cakes for Sean Hannity now on live TV.

    No John Cole’s latest furbrained ideas will have to be for another day. Besides drones … or NSA. Not to mention he hates everyone.

    Don’t feel abandoned JGabriel. Just watch/read re-runs.

  176. 176.

    cain

    a very happy birthday day! I am one year and some older than you. 43 is a great age! Enjoy!

  177. 177.

    The Other Chuck

    Happy Birthday Cole! … at least til you bigfoot Anne Laurie’s thread with your own :)

  178. 178.

    eemom

    hmmm…..what if this were the last post ever to appear on the blog and it just went on like, forever.

  184. 184.

    Botsplainer, fka Todd

    @eemom:

    hmmm…..what if this were the last post ever to appear on the blog and it just went on like, forever.

    I thought AL had about 879 plagiaristic threads in queue and only has to press a button to make some meaningless firebagger drivel a part of our lives.

    Yes, it would suck, but it would be different from a Facebook birthday thread.

  186. 186.

    Botsplainer, fka Todd

    @Chickamin Slam:

    No John Cole’s latest furbrained ideas will have to be for another day. Besides drones … or NSA. Not to mention he hates everyone.

    I can’t remember – how is it that he tags the threads where he expresses his disdain and hatred toward all of us? I’m about to go hunting for one of those for nostalgia’s sake.

    I’m feeling decidedly unhated right now.

  187. 187.

    Kevin

    @Woodrowfan: The 1963 Steelers were a trainwreck of a team that was HOPELESS until they got Chuck Noll, Terry Bradshaw, and Mean Joe Greene at the end of the 60’s. Aside from fullback John Henry Johnson, I can’t imagine any Steeler’s fan wanting to read about their awfulness.

  188. 188.

    cckids

    Late, but gotta chime in with a Happy Birthday, John. Keep enjoying your trips around the sun, & pet the critters.

  193. 193.

    Kay S

    Aw, happy bird egg, Cole…I come here whenever I’m mad at the whole world (that is, daily), and more often than not you’re even crankier…always a day brightener!

  203. 203.

    nineone

    Anyone who will admit, nay, confess to naked mopping deserves all the happy birthdays they can stand. Rock on, Dude. And Peace to you and yours.

    @rda909: No cake for you

    [email protected]TG Chicago:Original version please. The Engish version weirds me out. It’s kinda like Liz Fraser; her voice is so cool I don’t mind not knowing what the hell she’s saying.

  204. 204.

    sherparick

    I join the other minions in wishing you a Happy Birthday. Thank you again for the blog! It is a great pleasure even if you are a salty ol’ curmudgeon. Party on:-)

  206. 206.

    Sister Rail Gun of Warm Humanitarianism

    @Meg: *waves full freezer bag atcha*

    Oh, and there’s a “deconstructed cabbage roll casserole” in the freezer, too.

    And a white chocolate cheesecake chilling on the counter.

    Party at my place!

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