(Jack Ohman via GoComics.com)
So, in case anyone wondered why the Governor of Texas had just rediscovered his inner Savonarola, the latest next-time-for-sure happytalk from America’s Revanichist Party pretends Perry’s a contender in 2016. Yet DFHs are not afeared, as per Alex Pareene:
… Perry is not going to seek a fourth term as governor of Texas, a high-status, low-authority gig that he has worked at longer than anyone else in history. The next governor will likely be Texas Attorney General Greg Abbott…
Perry isn’t just going to go away, or at least he doesn’t intend to. He is not going to put on a stupid hat and retire to a ranch that was until very recently named something unspeakably awful. He is going to run for president. Because once a sufficient number of people have convinced an egomaniac that he would be a very good president, it’s hard for that egomaniac to let go of that dream, even after a bunch of voters do everything they can to discourage it.
In 2011, we in the rest of America were told to look out for Perry, that he was savvy, a brilliant politician, and that he’d be totally irresistible to the electorate once he made his inevitable decision to run for president. He turned out to be a dunce, completely incompetent at basic tasks like “debating” and “public speaking.”… No one in 2016 will be particularly frightened of him, and he also probably won’t have the luxury of running against a field made up entirely of clowns and a front-runner no one in the party actually liked.
As the lawyers say: Assumes facts not in evidence. But still.
He’s amiable, decent-looking, and right-wing enough to suit the modern Republican Party, but he is also a bit of an idiot and nothing about him appeals to anyone outside his state. Republicans aren’t interested in him anymore, even in Texas. Public Policy Polling (a liberal shop, but still) has Hillary Clinton beating Perry 50 to 42 in a potential presidential contest. A University of Texas/Texas Tribune poll showed Texas Republicans preferring Sens. Ted Cruz, Marco Rubio and Rand Paul over their finally outgoing governor. And if they don’t want him there’s no reason to suggest Republicans anywhere else will want him. “Vote for your dumb right-wing dad” won’t work any better in 2016 than it did in 2012….
Charles Pierce:
… What does Perry have to recommend him now that he didn’t have in the late summer of 2011, when he completely obliterated Michele Bachmann’s victory in the Iowa Straw Gooberfest? More uninspected, deregulated exploding fertilizer plants? He’ll be taken seriously for a while because he’s white, a Republican, and possesses a penis, but that won’t last. He’s still the guy who wanted to give illegal sponging wetbacks a complimentary college education. Forget his later stumbling and bumbling. That’s what killed his campaign with Republicans, and it looks as though, against all odds and logic, The Base wants a tougher line on that issue. No, Goodhair, your time, if it ever was, has passed.
Apart from smacking around the old pinata one more time, what’s on the agenda for the evening?
NickT
Rick Perry is the neighbor’s raft of American politics. If you can’t get anything else, you’ll settle for a latex love-bouncer, but that’s about all he has going for him.
MattF
“Too Stupid To Do Anything Really Crazy.”
Patricia Kayden
“the rest of America were told to look out for Perry, that he was savvy, a brilliant politician”
But perhaps Perry is a savvy, brilliant politician in accordance with the high standards of Texas. The rest of us were just too dumb to see his brilliance.
Xecky Gilchrist
Pierce is right. The ENTIRE reason Perry was defeated was he showed a flash of humanity.
Trollhattan
The Ohman cartoon deserves the requisite primer, which is the ‘toon that had Goodhair all in a lather three months ago.
http://www.gocomics.com/jackohman/2013/04/24
red dog
Lets kick this can down the road and watch the gutter collect it to wash away with all the other Texas GOP political trash.
BGinCHI
The headline should be: Perry secedes from governorship.
Scott S.
He’s amiable, decent-looking, and right-wing enough to suit the modern Republican Party, but he is also a bit of an idiot and nothing about him appeals to anyone outside his state.
And there aren’t a whole hell of a lot of people within Texas who think much of him. He’s struggled in every damn gubernatorial election, and that’s even with hiring Kinky Friedman to split the non-wingnut vote.
Hal
I’m not surprised about Perry at all. I don’t think anyone else in 2011 had as much hype to be the Mitt killer than Perry, and no one else just as quickly imploded. This is a guy who was being out run by Gingrich, Santorum and Herman Cain. I would just love to know who his advisers are that are telling him he has a chance to be President. But, he does have a couple of years to brush up, so I’m expecting Perry to be able, in the very least, remember those three branches of Government he would do away with.
Also, I’m still trying to understand Marco Rubio’s appeal. What has he done that even remotely makes him a top candidate? He still has to win another term in the Senate and in all likelihood he will not have three other candidates splitting the vote.
ranchandsyrup
The next couple of years will be like the montage in “W” where Turdblossom Rove ensures that W iz learning about foreign policy, etc.
Trollhattan
@Patricia Kayden: Feel exactly the same about Cruz. He makes some folks nervous about his ambitions and then when he opens his yap, the opposite of magic emerges.
? Martin
@Hal:
Born to latino parents.
Forum Transmitted Disease
George W. Bush, 1999.
I think Perry is an extraordinarily dangerous candidate if he can find the right team to market him.
ETA: in 2016 I’ll assume he won’t be spun out of his head on Vicodin like last time.
Jim, Foolish Literalist
@Hal: Also, I’m still trying to understand Marco Rubio’s appeal. What has he done that even remotely makes him a top candidate?
I have never feared the Rubio. He’s like Paul Ryan without the ruthlessness and with less charisma, a nice-looking young man who can successfully blah-blah his way through Sabbath Gasbag Fest, so Cokie Roberts and Bob Schieffer think he’s a comer. And Hispanic also too!
Baud
@Forum Transmitted Disease:
How does Perry compete with Jeb?
ruemara
Maybe Perry’s hair is going to divest and run for office on it’s own. Couldn’t be any worse than current office holders in the House. I’m…prepping the mid month bills, cleaning and sorting things, looking for a roommate for September and applying for jobs. Just another day.
@Forum Transmitted Disease: I just don’t think so. He has a lot more notoriety than GWB had. It’s a different world from back then. Your life is online and your failings are far quicker and easier to be ridiculed worldwide.
Hal
@Forum Transmitted Disease:
Is this really possible anymore? Bush was largely pre-internet. Perry has been exposed nationally in 2011-2012, and can’t just redefine himself. Look at Romney, who seemed to forget that youtube existed.
I don’t think Bush style marketing can work anymore for known candidates.
? Martin
First they came for the incandescent bulbs,
and I didn’t speak out because I didn’t have any incandescent bulbs.
Then they came for the ceiling fans,
and I didn’t speak out because I didn’t have any ceiling fans.
Forum Transmitted Disease
@Baud: Jeb will not run. Not in 2016 or any contest after.
I think he would personally like to, but it seems his wife is not willing to go along.
ranchandsyrup
@Forum Transmitted Disease: True that his wife doesn’t want the public to feel the Jebmentum, but Poppy and Bar will want Jebby to run and use their fundraising prowess before they pass.
Yatsuno
@NickT: I thought Goodhair failed one of the wingnut purity tests, involving browns I think. I don’t know, it seems like such a blur now.
Mike in NC
@Hal: Maybe Governor Goodhair (Perry) can loan his locks to Senator Soon-to-be-No-Hair (Rubio).
Keith G
@Forum Transmitted Disease:
Won’t matter. In automotive terms, he is still a Pinto.
He survived in Texas due to a dearth of competition and the fact that no one rear-ended him with enough force.
Liquid
Trying not to starve. Damn you Steam Summer Sale! Daaammmnnn Yoooouuuu!!
NickT
@Forum Transmitted Disease:
I don’t think so at all. Perry’s cornpone blowdried blowhard act isn’t going anywhere outside the deeply dumb South and he’s already got a pretty negative record for his rivals in the deranged pigfucker primary to exploit. I think 2016 is most likely Santorum’s year, although Scott Walker probably fancies his chances and will give him a hard fight. Rubio’s fading so badly that he’ll be invisible by the time the primaries come around, while Mogadon Bobby Jindal is out of the reckoning altogether.
ffredpalakon
If you haven’t read it, this a very very long, but really in-depth profile of Mitch McConnell. The parts dealing with the aftermath of the Paducah reactor will no doubt make you angry, though, and hate him even more.
scav
Shrapnel from the explosion is generally sharper than the thing that blew up.
Higgs Boson's Mate
Don’t look now, but the man anointed to replace Perry as Texas governor is a real asshole. Texas State Attorney General Greg Abbott is anti-choice, pro-voter ID and anti-gun regulations,
He has brought suit against the government 27 times on environmental regulations, the ACA, and the Justice department’s attempts to block Texas redistricting as discriminatory against minorities.
He has characterized his job as State attorney General as: “I go into the office, I sue the federal government and I go home.”
gnomedad
*** snicker ***
dmsilev
The field of clowns is probably a safe bet.
chopper
rick perry to become a woman! …DEVELOPING…
kindness
Won’t matter. Hillary in 2016.
Trollhattan
@? Martin:
Special kind of genius what crafted that sentence, right there.
quannlace
The exact same thing they said about Fred Thompson. He’s now doing Reverse Mortgage commercials.
Any ideas on what ads Perry will be doing in about 5-6 years?
Trollhattan
@NickT:
About the only impact I can envision from Goodhair runnin’ a-gin is providing a constant rejoinder to the Hillary-too-old squadron, given he’s what, two years younger?
Whoever bankrolled him in ’12 isn’t going to be so eager to shovel their cash into that furnace again, plus they now have their Teddy Boy.
Trollhattan
@chopper:
“MUST CREDIT DRUDGE!”
(Oh please, make it so.)
Jim, Foolish Literalist
@quannlace: chief flack in DC for the energy industries, maybe in partnership with Mary Landrieu?
Corner Stone
@Forum Transmitted Disease:
This is 100% wrong.
Anyone who thinks Perry will be anything other than a joke in 2016 needs to have their bifocal prescription checked.
He’s dumber than GWB, he’s lazier than GWB, he hates dealing with regular people more than the patrician GWB, and he absolutely hates fundraising.
He has pissed off so many R big money donors in Texas that it’s hard to even list them all. Aggie alums funded KBH out her wazoo they hate him so much. If that lazy, inept, old bag of bones had just one time acted like she wanted the fucking Gov job she would’ve beat the pants off Perry.
Corner Stone
That was some of that, “we create our own reality and you just write about it nonsense”.
Corner Stone
Speaking of silly people who were worried about Rick Perry, where has Midnight Marauder been lately?
/Obot AWAAAYYYYYYYYY!
lamh35
ok, please tell me I”m not the only person who love the Venture Bros????
I’m not even sure which character I love the most, even the peripheral characters are funny (I’m partial to Pete White, the albino with the sharp wit…lol)
NickT
@Trollhattan:
I think it’s possible that Perry’s just talking big to hide the reality of an inglorious slithering off into obscurity. I don’t see any appetite whatsoever among conservatives for a Perry run in 2016 – and I don’t think he can do anything to change that over the next 3 years.
Origuy
@Higgs Boson’s Mate:
And he’s won five of those suits. Juanita Jean has more to say on Darth Abbott:
? Martin
@lamh35:
Racist.
Yatsuno
@NickT: Grift. Also. Too.
PhaseIV
None of your fucking business. Stop asking.
The Other Chuck
@Hal:
Guys who draw a fat consulting paycheck by stroking his ego.
Scott S.
@Higgs Boson’s Mate: Greg Abbott is the sleaziest, most vile, most corrupt elected official in the state. And with our impossibly sleazy, vile, corrupt Legislature, that’s saying a lot.
lamh35
@? Martin: lol. I swear everytime Pete White in in a scene, he says something funny in that voice of his, that you miss initialy since he’s so soft spoken…lol.
PhaseIV
@Corner Stone:
You seem bitter because Hillary Clinton lost the Democratic Presidential Primary in 2008.
Correct me if I’m wrong.
? Martin
@lamh35: Sorry, it’s a habit. I accuse my daughter almost every day of being racist. She was being racist against mustard yesterday. I would have none of it. Condiments of all colors deserve equal treatment. Unless it’s a hamburger, then fuck mustard. And ketchup on hot dogs and eggs.
NickT
@? Martin:
Well, you know that John Cole didn’t really lose that mustard of his….
? Martin
@NickT: What, you think he was having sex with it out in they alley behind his house?
Corner Stone
@PhaseIV: None of your fucking business. Stop asking.
PhaseIV
@Corner Stone:
It’s been five years now. Get over it.
The Other Chuck
@? Martin: John Cole. In the Alley. With Colonel Mustard. ….. waitaminute, that’s not how it works.
Keith G
Strange bedfellows
I see that the new Pope has joined common cause with President Obama in the war against leakers.
Which reminds me of…
NickT
@? Martin:
Have you ever seen a Grey Poupon among the front pagers? No? I think you see my point. Although your theory would explain Cole’s bouts of grumpiness.
Jay C
@ranchandsyrup:
“Poppy and Bar” can flex whatever fundraising “prowess” they still might possess, and It probably won’t help JEB! – in that good ol’ Texas phrase, a bucket of warm spit. Thanks to the [non-]abilities of their last Anointed Idiot Son, the Bush name is probably – on a national level – toxic from now ’til the cows come home.
Higgs Boson's Mate
@Scott S.:
Damn! That is saying something. It’s obvious that in today’s Republican party shit rises to the top.
Higgs Boson's Mate
@Keith G:
Those penalties are far more severe than any that were applied to pedophile priests.
lamh35
Uh oh, did u kno Obama has “Black” friends…duh, duh, duh!
“Jay-Z Gets Texts Obama: ‘Word’”
http://livewire.talkingpointsmemo.com/entry/jay-z-texts-obama-word
Baud
@lamh35:
I heard he fathered black children too!
NickT
@Baud:
Well, I heard he sleeps with a black baby-momma in God’s Own White House.
Feebog
Perry already defined himself as a complete moron during his brief guest appearance in the 2012 republican primary. There is not going to be an opportunity for a do over. As far as the 2016 primary is concerned, it will be the same clown car, just a different set of clowns.
cmorenc
Hey, that idea worked really well in 1980. However, the choice that year was between “dumb right-wing dad” vs “preachy eccentric dowdy uncle.”
NotMax
@lamh35
Dr. Girlfriend (now Dr. Mrs. The Monarch)..
Hard to believe that, what with so much time passing between new seasons, it has been 9 years since the show first aired.
Just Some Fuckhead
@Higgs Boson’s Mate:
New pope, new rulez.
Roger Moore
@quannlace:
Hair products?
NickT
@Roger Moore:
Enhancements for ageing manhood products.
Roger Moore
@Feebog:
FTFY. It’s a good bet that most of the same clowns will be back for at least a little while in 2016. The grifting is just too good to pass up.
Phoenician in a time of Romans
Perry isn’t just going to go away,
Like the doctor says, keep applying the cream even AFTER the unsightly growth is no longer visible.
John Weiss
He’ll be taken seriously for a while because he’s white, a Republican, and possesses a penis.
Are you sure about the latter? But, he’s a dick alright.
Forked Tongue
@quannlace:
Lubed catheters, like Chuck Woolery?