Because sometimes you need to drink with your friends and tell stories…
Yesterday, when I went to go to the lumber yard to get a couple dozen bags of topsoil, I couldn’t find my wallet. It drove me nuts, because I KNOW that I had placed it on the second desk in my office the night before. But when I went there, it was gone. I looked everywhere, and couldn’t find it, and then, on a hunch (since she has already chewed up one wallet and made an attempt on this wallet), I checked under the Morris chair in the spare bedroom where Rosie like to stash her (MY) stuff. And sure enough, there it was. I couldn’t figure out how she was doing it, until now.
As I was sitting here working, Tunch jumped up onto the spare desk, nonchalantly walked over and knocked my wallet onto the ground. In a flash, Rosie shot out from underneath my feet at the desk, picked up the wallet, and took off for the spare bedroom. Tunch just sat there and gave me a “WTF are you going to do about it, fat man?”
I just sat there for a minute, stunned. I think I may have actually said “You gotta be shitting me” out loud, because it dawned on me that if they really are working together, I’m screwed.
As I was there, I looked over the counter at his charts, and even upside down I could make out Tunch * CAUTION! *, which made me laugh. I asked if he behaved this time, and before I could finish the question, she blurted out “No!” and several assistants started laughing. He’s such a bastard at the vets they don’t even try to sugarcoat it.
Tunch has been on my tip ALL…NIGHT…LONG… because after the Pens win last night I gave Rosie and Lily left over steak and Tunch some tuna to celebrate the Pens win.
Now, he wants more tuna, and went so far as to knock his food bowl with kibble off the table so both dogs could eat it. BECAUSE IT WAS NOT TUNA.
Fat bastard.
I guess just the proximity to the concept of climbing shit tired him out.
There you go. The most awesome and simultaneously worthless fucking cat on the planet.
The prophet Nostradumbass
Well done, Sarah.
zoej
This has gotten me through a lot of loss over the years:
In Memory of Our Cat, Ralph
by Garrison Keillor
When we got home, it was almost dark.
Our neighbor waited on the walk.
“I’m sorry, I have bad news,” he said.
“Your cat, the gray-black one, is dead.
I found him by the garage an hour ago.”
“Thank you,” I said, “for letting us know.”
We dug a hole in the flower bed
With lilac bushes overhead,
Where this cat loved to lie in spring
And roll in dirt and eat the green
Delicious first spring bud,
And laid him down and covered him up,
Wrapped in a piece of tablecloth,
Our good old cat laid in the earth.
We quickly turned and went inside
The empty house and sat and cried
Softly in the dark some tears
For that familiar voice, that fur,
That soft weight missing from our laps,
That we had loved too well perhaps
And mourned from weakness of the heart.
A childish weakness, to regard
An animal whose life is brief
With such affection and such grief.
If such is weakness, so it be.
This modest elegy
Is only meant to note the death
Of one cat so we won’t forget
His face, his name, his gift
Of cat affection while he lived,
The sweet shy nature
Of this graceful creature,
The simple pleasure of himself,
The memory of our cat, Ralph.
Fwiffo
I like to get it all at once:
http://vimeo.com/8191217
notorious JRT
Tunch, we hardly knew ye.
RIP, your majesty.
Suzanne
John had another open thread up, with more on Tunch, but it’s gone. I hope he is OK. is there anyone who can check on him tonight?
Sarah, Proud and Tall
@Suzanne:
I stepped on John’s thread so he has, like the true gentleman he is, rescheduled it to appear shortly.
kelrian
Fare ye well, oh kitteh overlord. Know that here on this little hunk of dirt and rock, there were people who loved you well and true.
Bart
I was wondering why you posted those stories, so I scrolled down… Goddammit, this is not a good way to start my day. Condolences to Cole, because he obviously lost a magnificent friend. And now I’m crying. Goddammit.
Ruckus
SP&T
Thanks for this.
Yatsuno
@Sarah, Proud and Tall: We are just the consolers, but really all we can do is watch and empathise. I am so sorry JC has to go through this.
Yatz +2-3.
Studly Pantload, the emotionally unavailable unicorn
@Ruckus: This. Or, this This. Or –well, I’m in agreement.
InternetDragons
You’re a class act, Sarah Proud and Tall. Thank you for this, and much love to you.
Sarah, Proud and Tall
@Yatsuno:
Is -3 some kind of magic anti-alcohol you kids are buggering around with these days?
Yatsuno
@Sarah, Proud and Tall: Synthahol. It’s all the rage with the hipsters.
Debbie(aussie)
Thanks Sarah, lovely.
Funny how the world has changed with the ‘tubes’. Who would have thought so many of us would shed a tear at the passing of a pussy cat. Doesn’t matter if the tears are for Tunch, for John or for ourselves, what we feel is real and should not be ridiculed. The world is so much smaller and eventually (with help from us and those like us) it will get better too, more caring and more loving for all (buckets full of empathy).
So tonight big bear hugs to all in the Balloon Juice community. Lets spread it around. [[{{((Debs))}}]]
Sarah, Proud and Tall
@Yatsuno:
I ain’t drinkin nothin if it means I have to wear one o them big hole earlobe things.
ETA: Or get my taint pierced.
Sarah, Proud and Tall
16 posts and none of you fuckers have made a “Little creatures?” joke.
mtmofo
Well done, Sarah. An elegant remembrance of the Master, and his human.
Evan Hurst
Oh John, you don’t even know me. I’m not a regular commenter. But man, I am a dog and cat person. Stay strong, sir. This really, really, really sucks. I’m currently yelling at my dumbass dog to “PLEASE SHUT UP AS IT IS THE WEE HOURS OF THE MORNING” and there is a cat who is pretty sure she needs to be on my keyboard right now.
Just…well, when somebody says to go find a new one, don’t balk. Just go do it. They won’t REPLACE. Nobody will ever replace. But it does make it easier. I’ve had a couple very old friends tell me that, if you have pets, you will have that “cat of your life” or “dog of your life.” Sounds like Tunch is the Cat Of Your Life. I’m pretty sure, sitting here at age 33, with Lula, who will be 9 in February, that I have already had the Dog Of My Life. Cannot imagine being without her. But I know I will, probably sometime in the next 6 or 7 years, and I also know that I want more puppies after that. So…just, whenever you feel halfway ready, go on and get another one. Don’t worry. Tunch wouldn’t want you to be cat-free. :)
Lavocat
I started coming here for the Tunch stories. As luck would have it, the first time I ever visited the blog, John was on a rant about something Tunch had done that wound up costing him some money. However, the story was so self-effacingly funny, that it made me howl.
Forget about the political commentary (which is good), I kept coming back for the inevitable Tunch stories (which were terrific!).
A pet is a family member and when a pet dies, the grief is of the same caliber. Saying “But it’s just a cat!” is tantamount to saying “But, it’s just your father!”
So, the grief will soon be past and the anger, guilt, and possible retribution are yet to come. We’ll see. In any event, I think it says a very great deal about John Cole to realize that he took the time to craft amazingly humorous and earthy stories about his dear friends – who just so happen to be his pets – anthropomorphizing them into the gluttonous couch potato with claws, the dim-witted dear with the heart of gold, and the ever devious thief who, when the going gets tough, shows where her true affections lie.
These were all his drinking buddies. That they also happened to be animals is beside the point.
And, damn, if the stories weren’t always funny as hell.
So, John, if you want to do real justice to the memory of your best friend, what better way than to collect all those wonderful stories (with commentary and photos for context) and publish them in some fashion – even if by only making them available here. I can’t be the only one that would pay for such a collection. And it might make a sizeable contribution to the charity of your choice.
Don’t just mourn Tunch, celebrate the hell out of him. He deserves no less. And include his hapless cohorts, Lily and Rosie, since doing so humanizes all the pets and brings to life the huge heart of the photophobic John Cole.
You’re a damned fine writer, Cole. Publish those stories!
SiubhanDuinne
@Lavocat:
Great idea, Lavocat, and one which I most heartily second!
SiubhanDuinne
@Sarah, Proud and Tall: I was going to, but couldn’t until I identified the quote. A beautiful line I knew well many years ago, by one of my favourite poets, but it was eluding me. The Google machine put me out of my stupidity. Well done, SP&T.
Mino
Thank you, SP&T.
Nancy
I remember the death of each cat I ever loved. I understand the depth of sadness, and anyone who ever said it (it!!) was only an animal obviously had no understanding of human feeling. Grieve because that’s what you have to do.
gypsy howell
Thanks Sarah. A donation sent in loving memory of Tunch
gogol's wife
@Lavocat:
Fantastic idea. I always think when I see one of those lame best sellers about somebody’s golden retriever, “Oh, John Cole writes better stories about his pets every day of the week.”
But I’m afraid it will never happen.
Chickamin Slam
I scrolled back through the Tunch posts too. In one John Cole comments on a reader’s loss of their cat to a wolverine I want to say. Tunch acts out shredding or knocking over something. Cole yells at Tunch … then realizes he could quickly be gone as well. He picks up his cat and loves him later giving some tuna.
I may be late to the events here … but I am still saddened by the loss of Tunch cat.
UYRICH
So sorry, John. Wish I could write something to help ease the pain of your loss. We’ll all miss him.
JMS
When one of our cats died (prematurely, I guess of heart failure? in the middle of the night, while sleeping in the laundry basket), I wrote down what I would remember about him, which helped, eventually. We’ve had other cats, but he was my favorite.
pat
I.m going to step away from the computer now or I will sit here and sniffle all day long.
I remember the death of three cats and dread the day my Susy will be here no more. We always know we will outlive them, but it is heartbreaking none the less.
Maybe we can look forward to reading about John’s trips to the local shelter, looking for the cat that has been there waiting for him. In time……
RedKitten
I third the idea of a book, even if it’s just for John. When Dreyfus died, I put together a photo book on Shutterfly, interspersed with stories and tidbits about him. I treasure that book.
Elizabelle
Lovely post, Sarah, and great title.
In the vet picture: Tunch looks like a hostage. Or ransom.
CommishTheFirst
Well done, Sarah.
sparky
SPT, this was very cool. Thanks for posting it.
kc
Aww, Tunchy …
Fort Geek
This calls for my favorite cat, and my favorite kid.
Calvin & Hobbes.
Hug ’em if you got ’em.
taylormattd
thanks Sarah
S. Holland
Thank you Sarah
JCT
I have had that pic of “Hannibal Tunch” on my phone ever since John originally posted it – we joke that I should show it to our cats to warn them to behave at the vet.