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You are here: Home / Pet Blogging / Cat Blogging / Boss Open Thread

Boss Open Thread

by John Cole|  July 21, 20136:06 pm| 140 Comments

This post is in: Cat Blogging

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Here are some new pics of Boss:

bigbossman

lounging

You can click to embiggen.

Do you think tomcats ever get tired of being Toms? So far, this guy has shown no interest in escaping, although he does want to follow me around the house. He’s very, very content to just lounge around his room. I spent a couple hours lying on the bed read the new Chris Hayes book, Twilight of the Elites (which is a good read, btw), and all I have to do is lie down and he jumps up on the bed, puts his butt on the pillow, drapes his body over my shoulder, and puts his head and paws on my chest, and just starts purring.

He loves having his belly rubbed, but what he really loves is getting a kitty massage of his neck. I think all the hormones and that thick neck must be really stressful, and he has just decided his carousing days are over, because he really loves being rubbed there from the ears to the shoulder blades. I can’t get over how thick and muscular his neck is, so I’m wondering if it causes Toms pain.

That is all. US Soccer team just demolished El Salvador.

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Reader Interactions

140Comments

  1. 1.

    cathyx

    July 21, 2013 at 6:08 pm

    If you don’t get him fixed, he will leave to follow a female cat. Why do you think he was in a shelter to begin with?

  2. 2.

    c u n d gulag

    July 21, 2013 at 6:09 pm

    You sound like a happy and contented man, John Cole.

    Goodferyou!!!

  3. 3.

    Steeplejack (tablet)

    July 21, 2013 at 6:09 pm

    He’s got some serious Yosemite Sam whiskers.

  4. 4.

    Yatsuno

    July 21, 2013 at 6:10 pm

    BOSSKITTEH!! Papa Hemingway ruling the roost as is right with the universe.

    Proper authoritahs alerted.

  5. 5.

    quannlace

    July 21, 2013 at 6:12 pm

    He’s much more of a redhead in these pictures.

  6. 6.

    Corner Stone

    July 21, 2013 at 6:12 pm

    I want a “kitty massage” also. Where’s that price range start?

  7. 7.

    MattW

    July 21, 2013 at 6:13 pm

    It’s not stress. The back of the neck is the place cats can’t reach on their own.

  8. 8.

    Mnemosyne

    July 21, 2013 at 6:14 pm

    According to this chart (scroll down the page), Boss is somewhere between 40 and 56 in human terms. So, yeah, I’m guessing that he thinks he’s gotten a pretty sweet deal in his middle age (box to poop in! human giving him food! petting whenever he wants! no predators!)

  9. 9.

    asiangrrlMN

    July 21, 2013 at 6:15 pm

    AWWWWWWW! Boss looks so content. I think he’s ready to settle down with you, Cole. Is that legal in your state? Looooove that second pic of his sheer floofiness!

    @Yatsuno: Thanks, Yutsy! I was jonesin’ for more Boss pics.

  10. 10.

    John Cole

    July 21, 2013 at 6:15 pm

    @MattW:

    It’s not stress. The back of the neck is the place cats can’t reach on their own.

    I guess I never knew this because Tunch had multiple places he couldn’t reach.

  11. 11.

    mclaren

    July 21, 2013 at 6:15 pm

    Click to embiggen.

    I think he’s probably going to embiggen without me having to do anything, just the way Tunch did.

  12. 12.

    kdaug

    July 21, 2013 at 6:17 pm

    Here are some new pics of the new Boss

    FTFY.

  13. 13.

    Temporarily Max McGee (soon enough to be Andy K again)

    July 21, 2013 at 6:19 pm

    US Soccer team just demolished El Salvador.

    More significantly, it was the second stringers who demolished El Salvador. In the not-so-distant past I wouldn’t have been able to look at this sort of US roster and feel confident against any but the lowliest of our CONCACAF rivals. Now I’m very excited about the quality of our depth.

  14. 14.

    Bill D.

    July 21, 2013 at 6:22 pm

    My late female cat also loved having her neck massaged. She would just totally bliss out, drop her head, arch her back, and lean against me with her eyes closed while purring. I think cats get sore neck muscles from holding their head out front. That’s a lot harder than what humans do, balancing a head on the shoulders so most of the weight goes down the spine.

  15. 15.

    Mnemosyne

    July 21, 2013 at 6:22 pm

    @mclaren:

    Hopefully John will pay attention to Werebear’s advice and give the new boy a grain-free diet. Grain-free has definitely been working so far in keeping our cats at a reasonable weight.

  16. 16.

    brendancalling

    July 21, 2013 at 6:23 pm

    I think it’s less that he’s a tom than it is he’s at least part Maine coon-cat. You have quite a kitty on your hands man. Have fun!

  17. 17.

    J R in WV

    July 21, 2013 at 6:24 pm

    I just got a robocall from Rick Santorum. My policy is to let those go on as long as they can, knowing that they won’t talk me into anything, and I’m using up a resource that could be calling someone persuadable.

    [The FYWP thinks Santorum is misspelled, how sweet!]

    After a long talk about people dying in Libya, and the IRS cheating any organization with Patriot in its name, he asked me to hang on to talk to an associate, and to please sign their petition. The associate came on and asked me to press 1 to sign the petition, so I did. Then I hung up, before they could get to the please send money part.

    I’m hoping they’ll call back to beg, and I can tell them the definition of santorum on Google, and ask them why they’re working for someone whose name is synonymous with anal lubricant, and why he didn’t change the name when he found out it was a synonym for anal froth!

    Should be big fun, better than the Jake Tapper thread!

  18. 18.

    Riggsveda

    July 21, 2013 at 6:25 pm

    He’s a sweet-looking boy. So happy for you both, John.

  19. 19.

    Moe Gamble

    July 21, 2013 at 6:26 pm

    @cathyx:

    Absolutely not true, and I know from long personal experience.

    Toms are as loyal and affectionate as fixed cats.

    The only reason to castrate this cat is all the unwanted animals out there and the difficulty of dealing with the spraying.

  20. 20.

    TaMara (BHF)

    July 21, 2013 at 6:28 pm

    He’s so handsome! And I second the kitty massage request CS made.

    My calico’s eyes are that intense green, too. It goes really well with her browns, blacks and whites of her fur. And I can never get a photo that does them justice either

    HJ on the other hand, has sky blue eyes that I can easily get lost in – again hard to get in a photo:

    HJ looking for Santa

  21. 21.

    Nicole

    July 21, 2013 at 6:29 pm

    Is there anyone who doesn’t like having his or her neck massaged?

    Will Boss’s neck and cheeks go down after being neutered? Sometimes horses who have been gelded later in life have their cresty formerly stallion necks collapse a bit, but I don’t know how it is for cats- the only cats I ever had in my life were both female.

  22. 22.

    Roger Moore

    July 21, 2013 at 6:30 pm

    Do you think tomcats ever get tired of being Toms?

    No. Most human males don’t want to be castrated, even though testosterone does all kinds of unhealthy stuff to us. I can’t imagine that cats are any different.

  23. 23.

    Anne Laurie

    July 21, 2013 at 6:32 pm

    He does have lovely eyes. And he’s softening you up nicely — can’t wait until you discover that every Maine Coon is a pirate at heart!

  24. 24.

    burnspbesq

    July 21, 2013 at 6:35 pm

    Not sure who’s more worthy of mockery here.

    http://espn.go.com/college-football/story/_/id/9496533/florida-gators-lb-antonio-morrison-arrested-barking-police-dog

  25. 25.

    Roger Moore

    July 21, 2013 at 6:35 pm

    @Moe Gamble:

    The only reason to castrate this cat is all the unwanted animals out there and the difficulty of dealing with the spraying.

    And the long-term health benefits. Testosterone is a hell of a drug.

  26. 26.

    Mnemosyne

    July 21, 2013 at 6:37 pm

    Argh! The tires on G’s cheapo Target bike keep blowing out, and I have to go pick him up. It’s definitely getting to the point where it’s more economical to buy a better quality bike.

  27. 27.

    Amir Khalid

    July 21, 2013 at 6:37 pm

    @Mnemosyne:
    If I recall correctly, the Guinness Book of World Records lists 36 years as the record for housecat longevity. (I think they rejected, for inadequate documentation, a claim for another cat that supposedly lived to be 43.) Going by that formula, an indoor cat that old would be like a 160-year-old human; an outdoor cat would be like a 296-year-old human. The actual aging rule might be a bit more complicated.

  28. 28.

    burnspbesq

    July 21, 2013 at 6:39 pm

    @Amir Khalid:

    Did you go to the Chelsea match?

  29. 29.

    Violet

    July 21, 2013 at 6:39 pm

    Look at those green eyes! Amazing!

  30. 30.

    NickT

    July 21, 2013 at 6:40 pm

    @Roger Moore:

    And at least Cole won’t have to have that embarrassing conversation about how sometimes a mommy cat and a daddy cat who love each other very very much have certain urges…..

  31. 31.

    Zapruder F. Mashtots, D.D.S. (formerly Mumphrey, et al.)

    July 21, 2013 at 6:41 pm

    Damn, them’s some long-ass whiskers.

  32. 32.

    Roger Moore

    July 21, 2013 at 6:43 pm

    @Mnemosyne:

    It’s definitely getting to the point where it’s more economical to buy a better quality bike.

    Or at least better quality tires.

    @Amir Khalid:

    I think the idea that outdoor cats age faster is wrong. They don’t live as long, but it’s because they die of accidents and diseases, not because they age much faster.

  33. 33.

    Violet

    July 21, 2013 at 6:43 pm

    @Mnemosyne: Just get better tires.

  34. 34.

    w3ski

    July 21, 2013 at 6:45 pm

    We have a “feral” yard cat that comes in at night for food and sleep. He never sprays and loves to be petted, brushed and played with. Holding isn’t his thing but he makes the best “cookies” of all 9 cats here.We finally got him fixed but he is just as mellow as he ever was.
    W3ski

  35. 35.

    NickT

    July 21, 2013 at 6:46 pm

    @Roger Moore:

    You could probably make an argument that outdoor cats get more exercise and so are in somewhat better cardio-vascular condition.

  36. 36.

    Amir Khalid

    July 21, 2013 at 6:47 pm

    @burnspbesq:
    Alas, no. Shah Alam’s quite a bit out of my way and I’m not well enough to drive. The result was no surprise, though. No Malaysian XI has beaten a visiting top-division English side since 1975, when we won one and drew one against a mediocre Arsenal.

  37. 37.

    Pogonip

    July 21, 2013 at 6:47 pm

    I would like to inquire on behalf of my parents, both 80-ish, who have been trapped in phone tree hell for a week and a half trying to get AT&T to fix their phone line. (Whoever invented the phone tree should spend eternity in a room full of spraying tomcats and braying radios all tuned to Rush Limbaugh.). Other than me blowing the CEO of AT&T, does anyone know how they can talk to a person and get the damn phone fixed?

  38. 38.

    Luci

    July 21, 2013 at 6:50 pm

    Great cat John!! I thought he was already neutered though. If not, have at it. My Mom had a HUGE and quite aggressive tomcat some years back. He beat up the dog, was just plain mean all around, and they had to trap him in a live trap to get him to the vet to get fixed. Well, the vet had to use a long needle to put him to sleep, but all went well, and within a few days he turned into the sweetest, most loving cat you can imagine! He’s always underfoot when we are by him, and he does not fight. His neck and chest should both go down when he’s neutered, or at least that’s what’s happened to some of the tommies at Mom’s house. They settle down, become very loving, and enjoy life a LOT by the look of it.

  39. 39.

    Rosalita

    July 21, 2013 at 6:51 pm

    He has some fabulous whiskers!

    The shoulder rub works on my kittehs and I can get some of our toughest customers at the shelter to purr when you massage them there, An easy massage down the spine of a cat (who trusts you) really relaxes them too.

  40. 40.

    AliceBlue

    July 21, 2013 at 6:52 pm

    Boss kitteh indeed!

    Looks like John’s obedience training is coming along nicely.

  41. 41.

    Roger Moore

    July 21, 2013 at 6:53 pm

    @Pogonip:

    Other than me blowing the CEO of AT&T, does anyone know how they can talk to a person and get the damn phone fixed?

    I have two suggestions, though I can’t guarantee either one:

    1) Go to a physical ATT location. At least some phone companies still have those, and they’re pretty much guaranteed not to send you through a phone tree.

    2) Refuse to cooperate with the phone tree. If you call up and refuse to push any buttons, some phone trees assume you can’t use them for some reason and send you to a human being.

  42. 42.

    TaMara (BHF)

    July 21, 2013 at 6:53 pm

    So the other night, when John fed the dogs half his sandwich, someone sounded an alarm because they had avocado on them. I thought it then, but was too tired to look it up, that avocado was actually good for dogs. My vet recommended it when my greyhound had hot spots.

    And then suggested a food with avocado in it. Turns out the meat isn’t toxic to dogs (pit is, skin can be). Link here.

    In case anyone else was worried.

  43. 43.

    Violet

    July 21, 2013 at 6:53 pm

    @Pogonip: Your parents have my sympathies. I once spent an hour on hold with AT&T only to get no help once someone finally picked up.

    I think I just keep asking for Customer Service when I get any chance to ask for a pressing zero when given any option. Another thing to do is to pick an option that will get you a person–like pretending you want to add something to your service, so Sales–then telling them you don’t know why you got to them and telling them to transfer you. I’ve found that to be faster on some occasions.

    Another alternative is to pay for the monthly line repair fee–I think it’s about $5/month–and then once that’s in place, call and say there’s a problem with the line. The problem with that is, I think that has to be in place for a month before you can get a repair done under it. But if all other options fail, it might bump them higher up the line for getting service.

    I might also suggest you calling AT&T for them.

  44. 44.

    Pogonip

    July 21, 2013 at 6:54 pm

    P.s. Boss’s fur looks better already.

    I think John should go back to the shelter, get the other cat, and name him Clarence.

  45. 45.

    Keith G

    July 21, 2013 at 6:55 pm

    I dig the predatory nonchalance seen in that first pic. It’s almost as if Boss has sized up Cole’s neck and decided that it’s too big of a target – yet the wistfulness remains.

    I imagine that Boss has some tom cat tales to tell if he only could speak human.

    And finally, Cole, if Boss seem content to be inside, please consider keeping him an inside kitty.

  46. 46.

    Ash Can

    July 21, 2013 at 6:56 pm

    @John Cole: I have a request. I just got back home after two weeks with only spotty Internet access, and only via my phone. Now that I’m back to a secure and reliable connection, I’d like to (finally) make a donation to MARC in Tunch’s name. Would you, or someone else, be able to repost the link? I’d really appreciate it.

  47. 47.

    BethanyAnne

    July 21, 2013 at 6:57 pm

    Mmm, soup! I have been hungry for soup, so I made some this weekend. I browned some tomato paste Friday night, and threw it in the slow cooker with red wine, red pepper paste, tomato sauce, garlic, onion and Italian seasoning overnight. Sauteed mirepoix Saturday morning, added corn and the tomato mix, and let that cook half the day. Added 4 types of beans, gave that a couple of hours, added shrooms, and let it cool. Fridge overnight. Warmed it up this morning, added calebaza squash. Finally ready after cooking a few more hours. Mmmm!

  48. 48.

    mclaren

    July 21, 2013 at 6:57 pm

    @Temporarily Max McGee (soon enough to be Andy K again):

    I assume this means America just launched a drone strike on the El Salvadoran soccer team…?

  49. 49.

    Stoic

    July 21, 2013 at 6:57 pm

    @cathyx: They usually don’t let them leave the shelter unless they’re fixed and have their shots.

  50. 50.

    Amir Khalid

    July 21, 2013 at 6:58 pm

    @Pogonip:
    Then he can take a picture of them leaning against each other, and caption it … well, you know.

  51. 51.

    TaMara (BHF)

    July 21, 2013 at 6:58 pm

    @Mnemosyne: My tubes are expensive to replace – and would go flat with the slightest puncture – so I added bike tube slime to them. No problems since. You can also buy tubes pre-slimed if you have to replace them anyway. Should keep G inflated, so to speak. ahem.

  52. 52.

    Jay C

    July 21, 2013 at 6:58 pm

    @Mnemosyne:

    True this: we learned long ago that house cats are, despite all the anthropomorphizing and cutesifying, fundamentally carnivorous predators, and that feeding them what used to be thought of as the “basic house cat diet”, i.e., grain-based commercial dry food, and whatever the cheapest canned food was that they would eat, pretty much unhealthy for them ipso facto: so we went to a high-protein, minimal-carb, low-ash diet for all of them. And have gotten many years of healthy cat-adoration out of it thereby.

  53. 53.

    Pogonip

    July 21, 2013 at 6:59 pm

    @Violet: Thanks to you and Roger. I do plan to call for them, that’s why I was looking for a way around the tree.

    I have had good luck with several companies by speaking in Spanish and getting immediately transferred to a bilingual live person, but that doesn’t work with AT&T. (if anyone has tried this in another foreign language, did it work?)

  54. 54.

    mclaren

    July 21, 2013 at 6:59 pm

    @Mnemosyne:

    Pro tip: it’s not the tires, it’s the inner tube. You can buy heavy-duty thorn-resistant inner tubes for that bike. Also, you can buy a kevlar inner liner that goes between the tire itself and the inner tube. If you get both (and they’re relatively inexpensive on amazon.com or ebay), you’ll find you won’t have much of a problem with bicycle tire blowouts unless you’re trying to ride over nails sticking out of boards.

  55. 55.

    TaMara (BHF)

    July 21, 2013 at 7:00 pm

    @Ash Can: Here’s the original post. Link is there. Hope that helps.

  56. 56.

    Felonius Monk

    July 21, 2013 at 7:00 pm

    @John Cole:

    puts his butt on the pillow, drapes his body over my shoulder, and puts his head and paws on my chest, and just starts purring

    John, I think you would do the same thing if you had someone 20 times bigger than you to give you belly rubs and neck massages.

    Ouch — that image hurts.

  57. 57.

    Chat Noir

    July 21, 2013 at 7:01 pm

    He’s gorgeous.

  58. 58.

    Cassidy

    July 21, 2013 at 7:01 pm

    Damn it’s been a good weekend. The flea market yesterday with the family. Today was the Museum of Science and History with the three youngest. Now it’s pulled pork and margaritas. Tomorrow I start my new job.

  59. 59.

    Gin & Tonic

    July 21, 2013 at 7:01 pm

    @Mnemosyne: Go to a real bike shop first. They may be able to recommend a better tire, and they may be able to diagnose why the problem is happening. Could be something pinching the tube, could be a wheel incorrectly built so that the spoke is protruding through the inside of the rim. They’ll tell you whether it’s worth fixing.

    I’ve been a cyclist for a very long time, and I often get asked for recommendations. My answer is invariably to find a local independent bike shop (many have been in business for decades) and listen to their recommendations. Yes, some may push one brand more than another, but they are generally in business for the long haul and want you to be happy so you’ll come back for other stuff, as you most certainly will. I’ve been doing business with one local bike shop for nearly 30 years. I always, always warn against buying a bike from Target, Wal-Mart, whatever. They do not have the time or expertise to make sure the bikes are correctly assembled, and they sell absolute bottom of the barrel goods.

  60. 60.

    Ash Can

    July 21, 2013 at 7:01 pm

    @TaMara (BHF): That helps very much! Thanks!

  61. 61.

    Violet

    July 21, 2013 at 7:02 pm

    @Ash Can: Here’s the link to MARC animal rescue: http://marc4change.org/

  62. 62.

    TaMara (BHF)

    July 21, 2013 at 7:02 pm

    @Pogonip: Win.

  63. 63.

    gogol's wife

    July 21, 2013 at 7:03 pm

    @Steeplejack (tablet):

    I just lurve those whiskas!

  64. 64.

    cathyx

    July 21, 2013 at 7:03 pm

    @Stoic: Yes, but in John’s cat’s case, they did and he isn’t.

  65. 65.

    Pogonip

    July 21, 2013 at 7:04 pm

    Sounds like the Boss and John are forming a good relationship. Long may they wave.

  66. 66.

    Jay C

    July 21, 2013 at 7:04 pm

    @Ash Can:

    Here’s a direct link to MARC – hope it helps

  67. 67.

    The Red Pen

    July 21, 2013 at 7:05 pm

    Oh, these cat pictures are doing me a world of good.

    I just terminated a two-day flame war with a wingnut over the Trayvon Martin case. We actually didn’t discuss the case. He kept goading me to read and comment on an article on American Thinker, and I kept refusing to dignify it with a response. Near the end, I Googled the guy’s name (it was odd) and discovered that he had been sued under a civil rights statute. Gee, and here he was attacking Presdent Obama for being “the real racist.”

    When I confronted him on it, he brushed it off. I called him a racist, and he shot back with an interesting rejoinder. The guy who sued him was white, so this made me the real racist.

    I just ended up wondering how badly you have to fuck up to be sued on a civil rights case by a white guy. I can imaging walking my white ass into a lawyers office and going, “Help, I’m bein’ repressed,” and leaving chased by peals of laughter audible all the way to the parking lot. But no, some white guy apparently had a strong enough case to sue this loser. They settled out of court (as is typical) with no admission of wrongdoing (also typical). The wingnut assured me that the plaintiff didn’t have a case, and it was just cheaper to settle. Completely meritless cases get thrown out. There was a case. It may not have been a strong case, maybe not even a winning case, but the plaintiff established enough of a case for a tort that the case proceeded.

    This is the level of scum that’s feeling energized and sassy these days. Sweet FSM, I hope 2014 delivers some good political news.

  68. 68.

    Violet

    July 21, 2013 at 7:05 pm

    @Pogonip: Haven’t tried speaking in a foreign language to AT&T. Unless you are on the account as a signatory, be prepared for them not to speak to you. You might have to pretend you are one of your parents.

    I’ve also found hanging up and calling back helpful if I get lost in phone tree land. Just start over. It’s easier.

  69. 69.

    Ash Can

    July 21, 2013 at 7:07 pm

    @Violet:
    @Jay C:

    And thank you too!

  70. 70.

    TaMara (BHF)

    July 21, 2013 at 7:08 pm

    @Keith G: I know this is your thing, and I respect your viewpoint, but there is a difference between letting your cats roam free outside and having them backyard trained.

    Mine get to spend time in their backyard during the day, while I’m home. They get sunshine, exercise and all the grass and catnip they can eat. They chase grasshoppers to get their predator on and scratch their kitty backs on the concrete.

    If I didn’t have a safe place, they’d be strictly indoors, but they have a safe place to play.

  71. 71.

    Pogonip

    July 21, 2013 at 7:09 pm

    P.P.S. please do not tell the rents I mentioned blowing the C EO of AT& T. I’m not so much concerned that they’d be shocked as that they are desperate enough that they’d tell me to go ahead and give it a try.

    Those complex phone trees should be illegal. My father actually used up a cell phone’s charge fighting his way through. And suppose he were mentally disabled? How would someone like that cope with a phone tree?

  72. 72.

    Stan

    July 21, 2013 at 7:09 pm

    You have entered the realm of the Brown Tabby Tom. Soon all other cats will seem stupid and small. You don’t yet know what you’re in for. These cats are communicative, many are very vocal, clever to the point of confounding, and know who’s the real boss even if they won’t admit it. He appears to be a bit Scottish Wildcat which means he’ll be fiercely loyal to you, but may not play well with others. Just be glad he won’t grow into a 18-inch long shoulder to tail, 17 lb lean beast who learns to work doorknobs like my Bob.

    One of the great pleasures of my life is when new people come over and ask, “He’s just a house cat, right?” and the snuggling, oh yeah. Closest thing I’ve had to a gay relationship in my life.

    @pogonip Your parent’s dilemma is all but hopeless. What you need to do is dial, from a pay phone if you can find one, the number to disconnect service. After they ask why, you will be on the hotline to actually getting something done. Voice of experience, here.

  73. 73.

    Gex

    July 21, 2013 at 7:10 pm

    When Boss looks at you with those eyes, you stay looked at.

  74. 74.

    jeffreyw

    July 21, 2013 at 7:12 pm

    Stars in her eyes.

  75. 75.

    TaMara (BHF)

    July 21, 2013 at 7:13 pm

    @Gex: I’ve been glad to see in threads. I hope you’re doing well.

  76. 76.

    Violet

    July 21, 2013 at 7:15 pm

    @Pogonip: AT&T’s phone tree is particularly bad. I forgot to mention that you might be able to report the problem online. Have you checked that option?

    I like the suggestion of going to an actual physical storefront. Get them to call it in for you. Pick a slow time, like 10:00 a.m. on a Tuesday, and see if they can’t help you.

  77. 77.

    JWL

    July 21, 2013 at 7:16 pm

    Mr. Thomas ‘Lucked Out’ Boss is still comprehending where he’s landed, and he’s grateful for it. In other words, he’s starting to relax. But just starting.

  78. 78.

    Pogonip

    July 21, 2013 at 7:17 pm

    @Stan: That’s the nuclear weapon we are reserving for when all else fails (AT & T is so screwed up we figure there’s an excellent chance they would be disconnected, probably without warning).

    Just for my own amusement, when the phone tree prompts me I think I will reply “Flibbidy khaleesi [trill]bwob,” just to see if gibberish works where English and Spanish don’t.

  79. 79.

    joel hanes

    July 21, 2013 at 7:19 pm

    @TaMara (BHF):

    I used to help friends who lived back of Escondido harvest their avocados. One of the things I learned is that coyotes often eat fallen avocados.

  80. 80.

    Ash Can

    July 21, 2013 at 7:19 pm

    And as for Boss, he looks every bit as huggly-snuggly as Tunch. Yay! I’m so glad we didn’t have to go for long without a resident kitty.

    @jeffreyw: Ooh, pretty!

  81. 81.

    Violet

    July 21, 2013 at 7:19 pm

    @Stan: Yes, this is a great suggestion. Threaten to disconnect service. You might be able to do this from a non-pay-phone, like a work phone or something. It sucks these days, though, because they always know where you’re calling from.

  82. 82.

    Roger Moore

    July 21, 2013 at 7:20 pm

    @Pogonip:

    Those complex phone trees should be illegal.

    The complex phone trees are a symptom. The real problem is giant faceless companies that know they don’t have to bother with customer service because their customers don’t have any choice and regulators are toothless. If you had any real alternative to ATT, you would have told them to screw themselves and gone with a competitor a long time ago.

  83. 83.

    Amir Khalid

    July 21, 2013 at 7:21 pm

    @Pogonip:

    Just for my own amusement, when the phone tree prompts me I think I will reply “Flibbidy khaleesi [trill]bwob,” just to see if gibberish works where English and Spanish don’t.

    No don’t try that. For all anyone knows, your parents might end up with a second phone line and twice as many headaches.

  84. 84.

    Howard Beale IV

    July 21, 2013 at 7:22 pm

    Anybody else notice how big Boss’s whiskers are?

  85. 85.

    Pogonip

    July 21, 2013 at 7:22 pm

    @Violet: I’m going to use the work phone since no one calls me (I’m a cubicle mushroom and the job is all e-mail). I figure that way the battery won’t run down.

  86. 86.

    Violet

    July 21, 2013 at 7:22 pm

    @Pogonip: I really suggest going with the “add additional services” option. They want your money. Work with that instead off against that. They’ll let you talk to a real person when you want to spend more money (or they think you do). Then when you get a person on the line, pretend you have no idea how you got there and beg them for help.

  87. 87.

    joel hanes

    July 21, 2013 at 7:22 pm

    @Pogonip:

    Have your parents try this :

    At every pause, when they’re supposed to enter some response, they should clearly say “representative”.

    It has worked for me on four or five different corporate phone trees that were not offering “speak to a representative” as an option.

  88. 88.

    SiubhanDuinne

    July 21, 2013 at 7:24 pm

    I spent a couple hours

    Siren! Siren! eemom alert!!

  89. 89.

    A Ghost To Most

    July 21, 2013 at 7:24 pm

    @Cassidy: Congrats on the new job. Did you get the firefighter gig you were working towards?

  90. 90.

    Pogonip

    July 21, 2013 at 7:25 pm

    @Howard Beale IV: What whiskers?

    Thanks for all the suggestions. Will report back on outcome of battle.

  91. 91.

    Violet

    July 21, 2013 at 7:25 pm

    @Pogonip: Have you seen this website for how to get a human on the phone? http://gethuman.com/. I haven’t tried it so can’t vouch for it, but do remember hearing about it.

  92. 92.

    ThalarctosMaritimus

    July 21, 2013 at 7:25 pm

    @NickT: But you have to balance that against more stressors and more disease exposure.

  93. 93.

    Pogonip

    July 21, 2013 at 7:26 pm

    @Violet: Get human is outdated for most companies, unfortunately.

  94. 94.

    Violet

    July 21, 2013 at 7:28 pm

    @Pogonip: Ah, well, that sucks.

  95. 95.

    Steeplejack (tablet)

    July 21, 2013 at 7:29 pm

    @Mnemosyne:

    Can’t he just get a good set of tires? Or is it something that the wheels (or the bike) would do to any tires?

  96. 96.

    catclub

    July 21, 2013 at 7:30 pm

    @Roger Moore: “Refuse to cooperate with the phone tree”

    That sounds like what I would do, or say that you want to order new service. They always seem to have people available for those calls. Then tell them what you need.

  97. 97.

    Cassidy

    July 21, 2013 at 7:31 pm

    @A Ghost To Most: Yes I did. Six weeks of recruit school and then I’m on the regular shift and can start towards my Paramedic.

  98. 98.

    Pogonip

    July 21, 2013 at 7:32 pm

    @Violet: All the people who wanted to update it are trapped in phone trees.

  99. 99.

    burnspbesq

    July 21, 2013 at 7:33 pm

    @mclaren:

    I assume this means America just launched a drone strike on the El Salvadoran soccer team…?

    It was a model LD-10 drone.

  100. 100.

    Steeplejack (tablet)

    July 21, 2013 at 7:35 pm

    @Jay C:

    Is there a brand you recommend?

  101. 101.

    A Ghost To Most

    July 21, 2013 at 7:35 pm

    @Cassidy: Sweet! Congratulations again. I am between jobs at the moment; quit one last week, start one in two weeks. Good luck, and stay safe.

  102. 102.

    lou

    July 21, 2013 at 7:37 pm

    I haven’t read other comments. But. We ended up with a tom who adopted us. The first week in our house, he pranced around as if he’d won the stray kitty jackpot. So we ended up naming him Jackpot. He escaped twice. The first time I didn’t make sure the door was closed. The second time it was thanks to a quick-release collar. He returned both times. However we live in the big city with a heavily trafficked road so we didn’t want him wandering.

    Cue seven months later. After he’s been “fixed.” we decided to open the fenced-in back yard and the upstairs deck to him. He did not. want. to go outside.

    So the fixing fixed his desire to wander.

  103. 103.

    Michele C.

    July 21, 2013 at 7:37 pm

    @Mnemosyne: I second that. Even my chubby boy is less chubby.

  104. 104.

    TaMara (BHF)

    July 21, 2013 at 7:38 pm

    @Cassidy: That is great new! Congratulations.

  105. 105.

    Cassidy

    July 21, 2013 at 7:38 pm

    @Pogonip: I don’t know if this will help, but once upon a time there was an unburied cable that ran across a certain “Mr. Cassidy’s” backyard. For several weeks, Mr. Cassidy would call the cable company and politely ask when was someone going to come out and bury it and was constantly given assurances it was scheduled to be done and thanking him for being patient. Finally, Mr. Cassidy began to realize that he was being blown off and that burying this cable was not a priority and was tired of the issues in his yard where the lawn service was driving around the cable and not cutting the grass; Mr. Cassidy lived in military housing. So, Mr. Cassidy did what any person would do in that situation (Maybe not, but I’ll pretend); he went outside and cut the cord. Mr. Cassidy did feel bad when his neighbor came outside and asked him if he had just cut his cable, and he did apologize, but the cable company did respond very promptly to the customer with no cable. Within hours, the neighbor had his cable back and the cord was buried. The End.

  106. 106.

    Cassidy

    July 21, 2013 at 7:41 pm

    @A Ghost To Most: @TaMara (BHF): Thank you, thank you. I’m excited. My youngest daughter keeps asking me to promise to be the guy standing outside holding the hose, lol.

  107. 107.

    Suzanne

    July 21, 2013 at 7:42 pm

    @Pogonip: For the phone trees that are voice-activated, I just scream “HELP” at them until I get a person. Which never takes long. For the ones activated by pressing numbers on the keypad, just press 0 over and over.

    Seriously.

  108. 108.

    currants

    July 21, 2013 at 7:42 pm

    @Pogonip: gethuman.com

  109. 109.

    Michele C.

    July 21, 2013 at 7:43 pm

    @Anne Laurie: I dunno. I knew a neutered dog who didn’t slow down his sexual activity and got to live to be 16.

  110. 110.

    Keith G

    July 21, 2013 at 7:44 pm

    @TaMara (BHF): Some humans and their cats have it worked out so that, as you said there is safe, supervised outside R&R time. Great.

    Some human-cat partnerships don’t have the important details worked out so that the feline’s outdoor activities become a threat to themselves and/or other outdoor creatures, especially songbirds. Not great.

    Theoretically speaking, if one had a much loved cat killed during an unsupervised encounter with another animal, I would hope hard thinking would occur before allowing another loved pet to encounter similar dangers. And if the decision is made to go ahead as before, than at the very least don’t spend days agonizing over the predictable course of events that will eventually play out.

  111. 111.

    a hip hop artist from Idaho (fka Bella Q)

    July 21, 2013 at 7:45 pm

    @Cassidy: Cheers on all that.

  112. 112.

    gelfling545

    July 21, 2013 at 7:48 pm

    @Pogonip: If you don’t speak another language you can just say something like “all mimsey were the borogroves” when they ask for a response. It will usually result in “Please wait for the next assistant.”

  113. 113.

    TaMara (BHF)

    July 21, 2013 at 7:50 pm

    @Keith G: I knew that is what you were getting at, but I was trying to give you the benefit of the doubt before I told you to STFU.

    You really think that those tragic events were because the cat had access to his very own backyard? I think you’re stretching there. Or go back and read what happened and stop passing judgement.

    If anyone knows how to handle his animals, John does. And a tragic accident can happen, no matter how indoor your cat is. You don’t think there aren’t accidents waiting to happen indoors? Then you’ve just been lucky.

    ETA: No I take it back, just STFU and stop trying to make John, Devon and Seth feel worse than they already do. You’ve been nagging about this in every cat thread. We get it. Now stop it. It’s not your place.

  114. 114.

    rikyrah

    July 21, 2013 at 7:51 pm

    Boss takes great pics

  115. 115.

    kindness

    July 21, 2013 at 7:52 pm

    Show us the interaction with the pups. We want the whole family photos.

  116. 116.

    danah gaz

    July 21, 2013 at 7:52 pm

    Oh no, John I am so sorry for your loss. Tunch wasn’t my cat, but he was one of my favorite cats, and his passing has got me all teary. =( Words fail.

    Your new cat looks like a sweetie though. I’ve got a big, cuddly monster like him myself. Such a joy.

  117. 117.

    gelfling545

    July 21, 2013 at 7:54 pm

    @Michele C.: My first cat didn’t seem to get the memo about what happens in neutering and continued going through the routine with any female cat he encountered. He seemed to be enjoying himself so I didn’t feel I should explain it to him. He did stop spraying, though & obviously no kittens so mission accomplished.

  118. 118.

    JPL

    July 21, 2013 at 7:56 pm

    @TaMara (BHF): This goes along with what you are saying.. I did not do the link thingy because the headline says it all.
    http://www.ajc.com/news/news/dogs-break-into-douglas-county-home-kill-two-cats-/nYx4b/
    The dogs went through a screen door on the second floor.

    edit.. well it clipped off part of the link.. here is the headline
    Dogs break into Douglas County home, kill two cats and chase woman

  119. 119.

    quannlace

    July 21, 2013 at 7:56 pm

    I know, those whiskers. Boss looks like a nobleman in an ancient Chinese court.

  120. 120.

    p.a.

    July 21, 2013 at 7:59 pm

    @Pogonip: don’t hit any buttons. The computer will probably re-prompt 2-3 times, then assume a rotary phone and connect them to a human.

  121. 121.

    NeenerNeener

    July 21, 2013 at 8:01 pm

    @Pogonip: if push comes to shove a complaint filed with the local Public Utilities Commission has been known to light a fire under AT&T.

  122. 122.

    p.a.

    July 21, 2013 at 8:13 pm

    @NeenerNeener: yes. Mention ‘elderly’ ‘frail’ ‘medical issues’.

  123. 123.

    FlipYrWhig

    July 21, 2013 at 8:14 pm

    I still think the long flowing whiskers suggest he should be named Keisel. Boss can be his title.

  124. 124.

    Keith G

    July 21, 2013 at 8:14 pm

    @TaMara (BHF): I have grown up with animals all my life and you are right – there is no sure thing. Ever.

    You learn from the past and balance out the risks. I have had much loved pets die in my arms at vet’s clinic. I had to collect the carcass of my sister’s dog two days after a neighboring farmer shot her.

    The best, most congenial cat I ever knew lived to 18 and died in her bed, in part I know, because after I adopted her as a two year old “curb kitty” by the time she was five I decided she needed to stay indoors.

    Her male traveling companion (we supposed they had lived together before some fool cut them loose) may have been a littermate. We had him fixed but never insisted on the indoor only route and we watched the long march of afflictions begin: Bites, infections, parasites. an abscess here and there. He, C.C., was such a character, and I miss him still. He died much earlier than an 18th birthday. His sister, Tapestry, missed him too.

    We live with our choices and so do they.

    Now I will STFU

  125. 125.

    Corner Stone

    July 21, 2013 at 8:16 pm

    @Keith G: I can not tell you how amusing I find it when you somehow incite others into being really pissed at you.

  126. 126.

    MazeDancer

    July 21, 2013 at 8:20 pm

    Boss got Puma Nose!

    (So does my recent rescue. She also has 6 toes and gorgeous green eyes.)

    Puma Nose is that pencil eraser color on the outlined nostril and the mini-mountain lion fur color tapering to it. A great reminder that all cats are the same. From lion to domestic pet kitten, they’re basically the same animal, the major difference is size.

  127. 127.

    Cassidy

    July 21, 2013 at 8:29 pm

    @a hip hop artist from Idaho (fka Bella Q): Thank you.

  128. 128.

    Pogonip

    July 21, 2013 at 8:49 pm

    Thanks for all the hints! I had not thought of the PUCO. I’ll keep them in mind.

    I know one thing, if you let your cats out fleas will ride in them and then bite you before they die.

  129. 129.

    Pogonip

    July 21, 2013 at 8:50 pm

    Er, that’s “fleas will ride in ON them,” sorry.

  130. 130.

    NickT

    July 21, 2013 at 9:16 pm

    @ThalarctosMaritimus:

    We don’t actually know whether cats find being kept indoors more stressful than whatever they encounter in the great outdoors.

  131. 131.

    Mnemosyne

    July 21, 2013 at 9:19 pm

    Bikewise, G will probably start with a new set of tires — I’m convinced the problem is the cheap Target tires have small holes in them that are causing flats in the inner tubes. But he’s starting to think about getting a better bike next spring because Target bikes (even Schwinns) are not made for people to be riding them 20-30 miles a day for 3 or 4 days a week. I think he should look at a fitness hybrid like the Trek FX for his next bike, but if anyone has any recommendations, I’ll add them to the list.

    @mclaren:

    I bought some of the Slime liners, but I read the reviews afterwards and most of the reviewers said they were getting pinch flats from the liners, so we never installed them. He rides the LA River Trail a lot, which has a combination of broken glass and pointy plants on the edges, so he definitely needs stronger tires.

    @TaMara (BHF):

    Have you ever used the Slime tire liners? The bad reviews put us off using them, but it seemed like a good idea. I know you can buy pre-Slimed inner tubes, as it were.

  132. 132.

    ADS

    July 21, 2013 at 9:22 pm

    @Steeplejack (tablet): Yes, amazing whiskers on Boss. Usually see those on tuxedos.

  133. 133.

    Mike in NC

    July 21, 2013 at 9:29 pm

    Now that I’ve spent five days in Boston, stuffing my face with whole fried clams, scallops, lobster, calamari, mussels, steamers, scrod and haddock, I’m about ready to hop on a plane back to the Confederacy of Dunces.

  134. 134.

    Pogonip

    July 21, 2013 at 9:45 pm

    @Mnemosyne: Next he’ll be giving visitors that weird American Tour of the House: “and this is MY personal, private litter box. Even the Fat Guy Who Gives Massages doesn’t use MY box. It’s MINE. HE has to use the Chair of Swirly Water. And nobody has said a word about mice; I get all this FREE! Sweeeeeeeet.”

  135. 135.

    kc

    July 21, 2013 at 10:07 pm

    What spectacular whiskers!

  136. 136.

    Jay C

    July 21, 2013 at 11:29 pm

    @Steeplejack (tablet):

    Some vets, and a couple of smallish, non-chain pet-food stores I’ve patronized have recommended Royal Canin for dry food as being pretty much the best brand with wide availability. There was also a high-protein (85% or so) brand which they liked, but I have forgotten the name right now, since our youngest darling Edina was diagnosed with a bad food allergy and we had to switch to a prescription diet about a year ago. Fortunately the rest of the cats like it (enough to eat most of it, anyway. Sorry.

  137. 137.

    Mnemosyne

    July 21, 2013 at 11:33 pm

    @Jay C:

    We give our cats Blue Buffalo Wilderness as dry food and whatever non-grain wet food looks good at the pet store (I’ve been buying lots of Weruva and BFF). So far, so good.

    Natural Balance has some grain-free choices, but I never recommend them because they’re the ones who put fucking melamine-laced rice gluten from China in their food and killed my cat Boris.

  138. 138.

    Odie Hugh Manatee

    July 21, 2013 at 11:45 pm

    @joel hanes:

    For example if you are calling Charter Cable for internet problems, say “Agent” three times and it will forward you directly to a tech.

  139. 139.

    elis

    July 22, 2013 at 1:46 am

    @Pogonip: A week and a 1/2 and no repair appt. scheduled? I think the PUCO is a very good idea – Utilities have special responsibilities. It depends on how big a stink you want to make, but you could also try your parent’s City Council Person or Ombudsman (or local equivalent). I had to deal with similar phone issues for my mother, an 80 yr. old amputee living on the 5th floor. Her phone line went out during a summer heat wave with rolling brown outs that stopped the elevator in her apartment building. She refused to pay a monthly fee for a possible future repair that she felt Verizon should fix in a timely manner because that’s how she paid their bills. One call to my Council Member and there was a repair person at home the next afternoon. Your parent’s age, and any health issues they might have, makes this a serious safety issue.

  140. 140.

    Karal Taylor

    July 22, 2013 at 10:40 am

    Boss is awesome! I had a tom cat that I had fixed; he was a rescue cat, lived a long life (21 years), and I kept him inside along with my two other cats as well! Max was just as loving after he was fixed as before, so I recommend it! He loved looking out of the windows, was so precious, and I still miss him….I also want you to know that I “loved” Tunch and send condolences too!

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