Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

Let us savor the impending downfall of lawless scoundrels who richly deserve the trouble barreling their way.

We’ve had enough carrots to last a lifetime. break out the sticks.

Let’s delete this post and never speak of this again.

The republican caucus is already covering themselves with something, and it’s not glory.

I wonder if trump will be tried as an adult.

Putting aside our relentless self-interest because the moral imperative is crystal clear.

Make the republican party small enough to drown in a bathtub.

I’d hate to be the candidate who lost to this guy.

In short, I come down firmly on all sides of the issue.

Historically it was a little unusual for the president to be an incoherent babbling moron.

Let’s finish the job.

The GOP couldn’t organize an orgy in a whorehouse with a fist full of 50s.

I’m pretty sure there’s only one Jack Smith.

Impressively dumb. Congratulations.

So it was an October Surprise A Day, like an Advent calendar but for crime.

Is it irresponsible to speculate? It is irresponsible not to.

A thin legal pretext to veneer over their personal religious and political desires

… riddled with inexplicable and elementary errors of law and fact

Take hopelessness and turn it into resilience.

Following reporting rules is only for the little people, apparently.

Yeah, with this crowd one never knows.

It may be funny to you motherfucker, but it’s not funny to me.

My years-long effort to drive family and friends away has really paid off this year.

They are lying in pursuit of an agenda.

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Late Night Open Thread

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My good friend Walt came back tonight at around 11ish from two weeks at the beach, and man it was nice to see him. I actually cried for the first time in four days, because he was one of Tunch’s biggest fans (and Tunch loved him, too), and just going through it again brought me to tears. I know I will never get over sitting there with him dead in my arms, but I am just happy those flashbacks are fewer and farther between.

I kept dinner warm for him (that’s how we roll here in small towns), so he had some eats, and then gave me this great present, a hand carved walking stick:

stick

You all know how much my photography sucks, but this thing is really cool.

Guess I am off to bed, because I have to go to the vet tomorrow at 7-8 to castrate my new best friend. I feel like such a jerk when I put it that way.

Really, boss. It’s in your best interest. I promise.

Reader Interactions

87Comments

  2. 2.

    Tim C.

    I know it may matter to some greater or lesser degree, but it still makes me cry thinking of how awful it was for you, I’ve been reading this blog since about 2006 and commenting rarely, you clearly loved Tunch and what you had to go through last Saturday is something nobody should ever have to deal with. I’ve let my cat sleep on the bed for the last week simply because you’ve reminded me life is short and you never regret kindness. Thanks for sharing and thanks for coming over to the light side of the force. Also too, you are doing the right thing in neutering Mongo.

  3. 3.

    a hip hop artist from Idaho (fka Bella Q)

    @The prophet Nostradumbass:

    Who’s that guy on your Facebook feed, anyway? He’s really, really invested in Trayvon Martin being a drugged-up gangster.

    I don’t even know Cole’s FB page! Help?

  5. 5.

    Politically Lost

    Agreed that Boss doesn’t work. Was thinking that something should refer to his green eyes like jade but, he’s a dude (at least what’ll be left of him will be mostly dude) but something along those lines.

    I’m thinking of scoring some walking sticks to help with recovery from my knee replacement surgery. Hiking is my thing, and I have a lot of hills to hit around here. Anybody else use them, any suggestions on how to pick them out?

  6. 6.

    gene108

    I saw Pacific Rim again.

    The movie is effectively tanking at the box office (at least in the U.S.)

    I’m kind of mulling over why. The critics reviews are generally positive (65% Top Critics and 72% all critics, Rotten Tomatoes). The fan reviews are mostly positive (84% on Rotten Tomatoes).

    I read somewhere that one reason Hollywood is churning out so many franchise based movies – Iron Man 3, Marvel comics movies, DC comics movies, Star Trek relaunch and the upcoming Star Wars relaunch – is we movie goers are adverse to movies we do not have a preconceived tie in to want to watch it.

    I didn’t think this would be true, but the fact Iron Man 3 took in around $1 billion dollars globally and $400 million in the U.S. makes me think there maybe something to it. The movie wasn’t great by any means, but people flocked to see it.

    Hell, Grown Ups 2 is having a decent box office run and Grown Ups was sort of a flop.

    I know Pacific Rim isn’t everybody’s bag of chips, but if people can flock to see Iron Man 3, I don’t see why they wouldn’t be interested in another summer action movie like Pacific Rim.

    Or maybe it’s too late in the season and people are all tired out from seeing Man of Steel, the latest Star Trek movie and Iron Man 3.

    There’s a lesson to be learned somewhere in the lack of box office success for Pacific Rim, but I just don’t know what it is.

  10. 10.

    Anybodybuther2016

    There’s a lesson to be learned somewhere in the lack of box office success for Pacific Rim, but I just don’t know what it is.

    .
    Because it sucked.

  12. 12.

    a hip hop artist from Idaho (fka Bella Q)

    @Yatsuno: Your wifey must have everything private, or I picked the wrong ones out of the 8. I recognized the name as your wifey even before you explained! As I mentioned, I’m impaired on that medium.

    @The prophet Nostradumbass: Thanks, man. I was looking for a Tunch picture and could.not.find it. Sigh.

  13. 13.

    Gian

    sorry about Tunch. My wife had a cat when we married. I generally like animals, dogs more than cats, but if it doesn’t bite me like the spider that terrified me at 7 years old…

    that cat was nearly evil incarnate. – and this is before I ever met it. thing would stalk my as yet unmet wife and her mom and dash up and scratch them and bite.
    we kept it after marriage and I’ve got a scar or two from scratches, but when she was about 11 years old, she got diabetes and we were supposed to give her shots.. Darn cat would’ve died in the attempt to give her a shot, and if it didn’t kill her there’s that bad 80s movie of short stories and the last one is the murderous cat…
    I don’t know if it’s purebred defect (she was one) or that she was always in pain (wife says the poor thing caught a leg in a grate as a kitten and dislocated a hip and never walked right after)

    She was mean enough a cat to deserve her own Jim Croce song.

  14. 14.

    Felonius Monk

    I have to go to the vet tomorrow at 7-8 to castrate my new best friend.

    Is this how you repay Walt for his thoughtful gift? :-}

  16. 16.

    Suzanne

    Fezzik will just have a beautiful soprano singing voice from here on out.

    The. Name. Is. Fezzik.

  17. 17.

    Violet

    Hope everything goes well tomorrow.

    Can we have a picture of the girls? It’s been awhile since we’ve seen them.

  20. 20.

    gene108

    @John Cole:

    I don’t.

    They tried teaching this stuff to me in the 7th grade, but there was this girl I really, really had a super huge crush on in front of me and a couple of other girls flanking me.

    I was totally distracted.

    The fact I can even write coherent English is a miracle.

  21. 21.

    FlipYrWhig

    @gene108: I would guess two things: (1) it looks like Transformers, but isn’t; (2) it doesn’t seem to have any bankable stars in it. And movies where something something something so we have to save the world… Maybe that’s just getting played out.

  23. 23.

    RK

    I come here infrequently but I know you love your pets so my condolences about Tunch.

    How awful your brother and sister must feel.

  24. 24.

    FlipYrWhig

    @John Cole: I don’t think that’s a textbook comma splice. That would be using a comma to link two clauses that could stand alone, right? Like

    My friend Walt gave me this walking stick, I can use it when I injure myself mopping naked on an icy walkway again.

  27. 27.

    cbear

    Jesus Christ, Cole, does every goddamn post have to mention the poor cat getting his balls cut off tomorrow? I mean, I think we got the message on the nut-cutting the first 10 times you mentioned it.

    Yeah, yeah, I know it something that’s gotta be done, but its not something me and rest of the guys here want to have to think about every 10 fucking minutes.

    Man up, and keep the whole nasty affair to yourself, would ya?

    And Btw, you might consider having someone else be the one who actually takes the poor bastard in for the snipping—things could get ugly at some later date if the cat puts 2 and 2 together and figures out your part in the loss of his nuts. Amirite?

  28. 28.

    Emerald

    John, I hate to keep harping on this, but I feel compelled:

    SNOWBELL!!

    Is your friend going to take her? If not, can MARC save her?

    Thank you!

  29. 29.

    ? Martin

    @FlipYrWhig:

    That would be using a comma to link two clauses that could stand alone, right?

    Yes.

    This doesn’t qualify in my view:

    You wouldn’t know a good movie, if it bit you on the ass.

    ‘If it bit you on the ass’ isn’t an independent clause. It’s just an improper comma.

    It strikes me that for a guy whose dog-spooning habits we all know entirely too well, we really have no idea what Cole does for a living by reading this blog. (Not that it’s terribly hard to find out.)

  31. 31.

    Steeplejack

    @gene108:

    I think for casual moviegoers—who don’t know Guillermo del Toro—the previews make it look like Transformers with a side of Battleship. And, as you said, there’s no franchise hook.

  34. 34.

    Comrade Mary

    @The prophet Nostradumbass: That’s a scrubbed public profile, right? Because I see no derp in the feed, no BJ people as friends (just about 8 fairly public people he’s “following”), and some really great pics of Tunch. If John has his real profile pretty locked down, so be it (mine’s locked up pretty tight, too), but I just hope you guys aren’t gaslighting us.

  35. 35.

    Comrade Luke

    @gene108: Well, in my case, it takes a lot for me to go to a movie these days. Once you add in parking and even a meager refreshment, you’re talking $20 or more. I’ll just wait until they come out on DVD, thank you.

    I’m thoroughly enjoying the crash and burn at the box office this summer. Maybe a few more like these and we’ll start getting more movies being made by filmmakers again, instead of accountants. Dare to dream.

    Hope my comma usage was proper, dumbasses. :)

    BTW, Battleship is on HBO right now, and it might be the dumbest movie I’ve ever seen. What a waste of Tim Riggins.

  37. 37.

    ? Martin

    @Steeplejack: Yeah, the marketing for Pacific Rim wasn’t good. My instinct was that it would suck, in spite of my liking that sort of film (I have every Godzilla film in my collection, except for the US one which was horrible) yet the reviews are that it’s pretty decent (for that genre of film).

    And the trailer was weak. It did come off as a Transformers film (not a good comparison) and had what is apparently the worst dialogue of the film to boot (haven’t seen it yet). The franchise hook can be overcome, but you have to overcome it, and they really didn’t in the marketing. Shame, I’m getting tired of the comic rehashes, and since Sandy Hook, I pretty much can’t watch shootem’ ups any more. But I do love big monsters stepping on models of tanks.

  38. 38.

    The prophet Nostradumbass

    @Comrade Mary: No, it isn’t a scrubbed profile. If you don’t have a Facebook account, there is a limited amount of stuff you’re allowed to read. Also, some people restrict the amount of stuff non-friends can see.

    I am definitely on Cole’s friends list (under my real name), and so is ABL, among others.

  40. 40.

    Comrade Mary

    @The prophet Nostradumbass: Huh. As I briefly mentioned above, I have a Facebook account (been there since 2007) but I don’t see much, and I certainly don’t see a real friends list. Maybe it’s a Canadian thing.

    Oh, well. Facebook is weird.

  42. 42.

    Suzanne

    @Alison: Oh, cool. You should friend me so I can have you debate my dumbfuck friends, too.

    Unrelated note: I PASSED MY EXAM. Three more to go before I’m responsible for health, safety, and welfare of others. (Hint: Don’t go outside.)

  43. 43.

    Alison

    @The prophet Nostradumbass: I know!! Sheesh….obviously no one is changing their minds. I’m just amazed at the INSISTENCE of these people that Trayvon was absolutely no doubt about it a scary violent thug out on the prowl for some poor sap he could attack just for shits and giggles.

    But then if we say “Gee, maybe GZ did something wrong and kinda racist” it’s OMG YOU WEREN’T THERE HOW DO YOU KNOW SHUT UP STUPID LIBERAL.

    yeah okay.

  45. 45.

    Steeplejack

    @? Martin:

    I haven’t seen Pacific Rim yet. I had gotten the impression that it could be pretty good, but the previews I have seen look like they are going out of their way to make it look as dumb as possible. They are shockingly bad. There are even side notes of Battle Los Angeles and Avatar (the armored suits). Ngrr!

  48. 48.

    gene108

    @FlipYrWhig:

    Part of me would love to be a fly on the wall of whatever meetings are going on in the studio that made this to figure out why this movie hasn’t done better.

    There have been other big budget flops, like Battleship or The Last Airbender, but those were universally panned as being bad movies.

    Pacific Rim has a core audience of people, like myself, who loved the Toho studio Godzilla movies as a five year old and were wowed with mechs when I first saw Robotech in middle school.

    Maybe the sci-fi nerd segment of the population isn’t as big as I think it is from my own personal sample size, which probably includes my own personal selection bias for folks who like that sort of thing.

    Who knows what the future of movie making is going to be. CGI has gone from enhancing visuals in ways never before imagined in The Abyss and Terminator 2 to replacing actual story telling in a lot of movies.

    The Star Wars prequels were particularly bad at this, where characters moved from one CGI driven action sequence to another. In the beginning of The Phantom Menace, instead of an actual negotiation or character development- like Obi-Wan and Luke had with Han and Chewbacca at Mos Eisley’s – Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon have a CGI fight scene with druids, more CGI fight scenes with druids, a CGI driven escape from druids, a CGI enabled run in with Jar Jar that took them to a CGI created underwater city, which finally leads to a CGI created underwater trip in a CGI created submersible.

    I sort of wonder what flops like Battleship and Pacific Rim will do for what Hollywood green lights in the future for production.

    Part of me thinks we’ll probably end up with a very stagnant set of movies that keep getting recycled, like the Marvel and DC comics franchises, and the days of unique action movies like Terminator, Predator and Independence Day are over.

    Unless there’s already an interested fan base in seeing the movie, like the Twilight franchise, there’s not going to be a lot of relatively original content that gets the big budget treatment.

  49. 49.

    Suzanne

    @Alison: I’m John’s friend. And Suzanne is my real name. I was obviously totally overcome by the inventive spirit when I began posting here.

  50. 50.

    Suzanne

    @Alison: I just do not understand this attitude. one would think, if one were sensible, that in the question oh “which dude is hateful/racist?” that the burden of proof would rest on the dude who actually killed the other guy.

  52. 52.

    Steeplejack

    @? Martin:

    [. . .] and since Sandy Hook, I pretty much can’t watch shootem’ ups any more.

    Interesting. I have a similar problem with physical beat-down scenes since breaking my jaw a few years ago. Really painful to watch. Even if it’s just some uncredited character getting casually punched out by the star before the mayhem really starts, I’m thinking, “Okay, that’s three days in the hospital, and he’s going to be feeling it whenever the weather changes from now on. I wonder if he’s gonna need rehab . . .,” etc. Distracting. And distressing.

  53. 53.

    ? Martin

    @gene108:

    Pacific Rim has a core audience of people, like myself, who loved the Toho studio Godzilla movies as a five year old and were wowed with mechs when I first saw Robotech in middle school.

    There was a pretty solid argument made that John Carter failed entirely due to the marketing. That turning over creative control of the trailer to the director was a massive mistake because most people weren’t familiar with the book, yet the director being a huge fan of the book couldn’t see that – and created a trailer as if he was making Harry Potter – a book everyone knew.

    I’m precisely the kind of person that Pacific Rim should have appealed to, and to me it looked stupid as hell. Was there a story there? Couldn’t tell. Was there anything at all interesting about this adaptation? Couldn’t tell. Ok, big mechs, giant lizards, bad dialogue. That’s pretty much all I came away with. I like crappy SyFy movies with $150K budgets, but I hate crappy SyFy movies with $150M budgets. That was my takeaway from the marketing. They just blew it.

  55. 55.

    ? Martin

    @Steeplejack: I’m a terribly emotionally detached person. How I have a wife and family escapes me.

    That said, the one thing that has routinely connected me emotionally is anything I relate to my daughter. That’s been a constant surprise since she was born. I nearly killed the teenager next door once when she was about 3. My daughter just finished elementary school, but the day Sandy Hook happened (I was at work as it unfolded) and not knowing the age of the kids, I couldn’t stop thinking about ‘what if that happened at my daughter’s school’ and I now have a quite strong emotional connection between guns and that feeling. I just don’t want to see guns anywhere any more – not even on TV. I’m done with it. I’ve never been a strong anti-gun person, but I’ve had it. If we ban them outright, I wouldn’t shed a tear.

  56. 56.

    TG Chicago

    I also think the title “Pacific Rim” sounded more like a surfing movie than a sci-fi action blockbuster.

  57. 57.

    Steeplejack

    @? Martin:

    I know what you’re talking about. Violence in movies never used to bother me, but now I find that I have a personal connection to it. Even jokey violence, like, say, a barroom brawl in an old John Wayne movie, where all the chairs break to flinders as people bash one another with them and someone always gets slid down the bar to be conked on the head with a bottle at the end. It’s not a deal-breaker for me, but I always have a fractional moment where part of me registers: “It really hurts to get hit like that.”

    Actually, I realize it’s the fake violence I have a problem with in movies, not “real” violence. Fake and gratuitous violence. Where bottles break like eggshells when a head is conked. Real glass doesn’t do that.

  58. 58.

    Steeplejack

    @TG Chicago:

    That’s a good point. Another thing unexplained or unaddressed in the trailers. Why are the aliens (or whatever they are) specific to the Pacific?

    Uh-oh, sounding like an old Danny Kaye movie there. “The chalice in the palace.” Nip it in the bud.

  59. 59.

    Amir Khalid

    @TG Chicago:
    Pacific Rim sounds to me like the title of a corporate-propaganda film for a company kind of like OCP in the Robocop movies — “Pacific Rim Corp. engineers create solutions to improve your quality of life!”

  60. 60.

    Sparky

    @John Cole: I’ve made it to 37 comments, and I can tell you that the vast majority of your commenters don’t know how to use a comma correctly. That said, does it raelly mater how wee tipe if were comunikating?

  62. 62.

    Higgs Boson's Mate

    @Sparky:

    I’ve made it to 37 comments, and I can tell you that the vast majority of your commenters don’t know how to use a comma correctly.

    That’s an amusing observation. I’m a lowly lit major and if someone wants to load up that side-by-side with commas and pull the back trigger so be it. One of my long ago profs agrees with your second statement. He asserted that grammatical form could and should be tossed in favor of conveying an experience. He was also the prof who turned me on to WIlliam Burroughs and Jorge Luis Borges so I tend to believe that he was right.

  63. 63.

    Sparky

    @Higgs Boson’s Mate: Ha ha. You didn’t use a comma in that comment. Subsequently, you didn’t misuse one.

    Also, too, on the issue of naming the cat: I suggested calling him Numb-nuts on another thread. It works for a few hours at the very least.

  65. 65.

    TheMightyTrowel

    Sorry guys I need to rant for a bit. My mom is turning into a passive aggressive 14 year old and I have no clue how to respond. Ever since I moved to Australia she’s gotten super angsty about my life and my choices. We talk on skype for at least 1.5 hours at least once a fortnight but because I don’t call her every other day, because when we arrange a time to call i wait for her to click the link rather than clicking it for her, because i wait to say on skype ‘thanks for the package’ instead of sending an email, i’m some sort of criminally ungrateful child. Now, i get guilt. I’m half jewish half irish catholic (woo mom!) but this is like a whole other level and I have no clue where it’s coming from. Questions are responded to with either “i’m fine. you’re imagining things” or “if you really cared you should have asked earlier”. WTF do I do now?

  67. 67.

    MikeJ

    @TG Chicago:

    I also think the title “Pacific Rim” sounded more like a surfing movie than a sci-fi action blockbuster.

    It sounds like porn at the beach.

  68. 68.

    Botsplainer

    Guess I am off to bed, because I have to go to the vet tomorrow at 7-8 to castrate my new best friend.

    Seems like a dick move to me.

  69. 69.

    bemused

    @TheMightyTrowel:

    It sounds like comedy spots of Garrison Keiller’s character Duane and his mom on Prairie Home Companion which are hysterically funny but in real life, not so much.

  70. 70.

    lojasmo

    @The prophet Nostradumbass:

    Who’s that guy on your Facebook feed, anyway? He’s really, really invested in Trayvon Martin being a drugged-up gangster.

    No shit. You’re got a couple of real douchebags for facebook friends, John. Surprised T&H didn’t jump in there.

  71. 71.

    MomSense

    @Comrade Luke:

    Try three kids and the refreshment counter–need a second mortgage for that.

    I’m with you–we need more movies with actual stories about people real and imaginary.

    That having been said, I am going by myself (don’t tell the kids) to see Pacific Rim solely because I am crushing on Idris Elba. Haven’t figured out the cover story yet but will take suggestions.

  72. 72.

    Sister Rail Gun of Warm Humanitarianism

    @MomSense: You need a cover story when almost everyone who has seen it is shouting its praises from the nearest tall building?

    Or is this to prevent whining that you didn’t take them along?

    Hmm. You went shopping with a friend who is replacing her mixer?

  73. 73.

    gogol's wife

    I always do best when I name the cat for some figure in history or fiction who is meaningful for me. So I’ve had Freddy (named for Alfred Drake’s character in Kiss Me Kate), Frankie (Frank Lloyd Wright), and now Louis (Louis Sullivan). That’s why “Tunch” worked so well.

  74. 74.

    MomSense

    @Sister Rail Gun of Warm Humanitarianism:

    Preventing the whining that I didn’t take them along!

    Mixer story is good because I am definitely a cook and have lots of friends who ask me for help with cooking related things.

    You are very good and I am a fan of humanitarianism!

  75. 75.

    Sister Rail Gun of Warm Humanitarianism

    @MomSense: Good, you can join me on today’s expedition. I’ll cover for you. :D

    Also, I can see their eyes glazing over at the thought of being drug along on such a trip.

  76. 76.

    Paul in KY

    @gene108: I think the premise is crazy. Movie is set in 2020. That is 7 years away. No way in Hell we would ever have that kind of technology in 7 years. They needed to set it 100 or 200 years in future. Would make it a bit more believable, IMO.

  80. 80.

    MomSense

    @Sister Rail Gun of Warm Humanitarianism:

    Perfect! I’m looking forward to it. I’ll add that we may stop at a yarn shop after we buy a mixer and get the full eye glaze and roll!

    BTW, I do love my kitchenaid mixer. It is industrial strength and is the kind with a lever that raises the bowl up and down. I use it all the time and even have the grinder attachment for making hash, sausage, etc.

    If you have a restaurant supply store near you, you can find good mixers–cheaper.

  81. 81.

    Sister Rail Gun of Warm Humanitarianism

    @MomSense: Ooh! *checks that there is still room for more knitting stash* Yep!

    *blink* Restaurant supply…. *checks* nah, I don’t have room for a 30 qt mixer.

    @Paul in KY: My other half has pointed out that a grid of nuclear mines around the portal would be the first reaction to the invasion. I asked if he would really rather have another Battleship movie.

    In skiffy stories, you only get so much allowance for the impossible. One of the reasons Pacific Rim works is that they didn’t forget that. If you can suspend disbelief for the kaiju and the jaegers, all the rest is very believable within that context. The movie spends quite a bit of time tossing out clues about how human society has reacted.

    Also very important: There are no TSTL among the heroes. Seriously. The heroes and the monsters are all genre savvy.

    Best of all, it’s a very anti-GOP movie, though most of that is very subtle. Hubby had something to say about the defensive wall being built around the Pacific. I said “del Toro is Mexican. Think about it.” Why the invasion now? Pollution. The American in the council of world leaders responsible for betting everyone’s lives on the wall? Looks awfully familiar.

  86. 86.

    Mnemosyne

    @gene108:

    IMO, it was very poorly marketed. There were ZERO people in the previews until right before the movie came out, just robots fighting monsters.

    If all I want to do is watch robots fighting monsters, I’ll watch my nephew play video games, not pay $10 to see it on a big screen. I really think they failed to communicate what the human story was, so people didn’t care.

  87. 87.

    dybevick

    That cat’s name is Greg.

    He can be Greg the Cat, or in certain situations Pope Gregory the Cat.

    Or maybe Anthony, but I think that after he gets his post-netuering weight on he will look like a Greg.

    Obviously if this cat was a human he would wear a suit, and must be named accordingly.

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