Spent the last four hours listening to music on the new iPad, and I have to say, the battery life on this thing is amazing. Listened to some Billy Joel (I like it, shut up), some Dag, and a little bit of Zappa. When the power came back on, I had to dash around the house turning off everything I had tried to turn on while it was out.
I sorta felt a little bit mad at myself earlier, because as I was listening to music with the lights out, doors open and the post storm breeze rolling through, both dogs on my lap, I was actually the most content I think I have been in a while.
I know this will sound crazy, especially because my hair is basically platinum in the summer, but I really think I got visibly grayer last week. For a moment tonight, I thought to myself, “Why did I get another cat and add another layer of stress into my life?” Tunch’s death was stressful, but it was so fast and traumatic that I think I was just in shock for a couple days. From the time he was murdered to the time he was buried was about 25 minutes,so it took me a couple days to grapple with.
But like I said, why did I get another cat other than the basic fact that I needed one- trying to get this right and to do right by my new ward is kind of eating me up. I just want to do right by him. No matter how rewarding and necessary getting Boss was for both me and him, integrating him and doing this right is really stressful. I keep worrying I am doing it wrong, and, for me, after the last few weeks, doing it wrong ends up with me cradling a dead cat. It’s still so vivid and visceral. Having said that, I have started to walk to Tunch’s room five times tonight to pet Boss before remembering he is still at the vet, so as always, you should remember I am full of shit whenever I say anything.
At the same time, I think Rosie is arthritic and may be older than our estimates of 6-8. She can no longer jump into bed, and I have to pick her up, and for the first time, I saw her unwilling to jump on my lap, so I had to pick her up. I’ll have to schedule another visit to see Harry. But again, like them all, she is worth it.
Rosie saved me last week much like Lily saved me from my panic attacks, and they are kin, so they will get the best just like they deserve.
NickT
I understand the desire to get it right – and the trauma you’ve gone through lately, but sometimes worrying too much is more stressful for the pet in question. Boss is tougher than you are letting yourself believe – and it would be a good idea for you to relax and let him establish his own space in the household. Don’t exhaust yourself chasing your own shadow, John. Give yourself and the world a break – and things will be fine. Hell, we’ll all put up with loving descriptions of your mterosexual blonde locks over the course of the summer – and like it.
Steeplejack
@NickT:
Good advice.
The prophet Nostradumbass
I definitely like my 3rd generation iPad. I use it on the battery for hours and hours during the day, and then, when I go to bed, I plug it in and listen to podcasts or music, and maybe read an e-book on it for a while.
JCT
Remember the starting point , John. Your animals lives are profoundly better because of your efforts. Just caring for them like you do is “getting it right”.
Our vet gave us something to sprinkle on our dogs food for their arthritis, anecdotally it seems to help.
The iPad’s incredible battery life makes it my favorite thing when I travel .
Speaking of which – still stuck in Las Vegas for a meeting. What a pit. Had sake flights at dinner, I’m at least +3 and have to give a talk in the AM. Boy, by now you’d think ‘d know better. Crap.
MoeLarryAndJesus
Zappa/Joel is pretty much a race to the bottom. Yikes.
Silver & Silkey
John Cole, you are not doing anything wrong in caring for your new cat. Not Wrong. You didn’t do anything wrong regarding Tunch’s death, Not Wrong. His death was a grisly accident, like a tree falling on a person. Animals kill one another, so do humans. Neither you nor I can control the tragedies of life.
My new cat caught a fledgling house finch last week, broke its neck. I wouldn’t mind dying like that; a moment of WTF, a moment of pain, then onward to judgment or reincarnation or whatever might be.
Somethings we can control, a lot we can’t. You should not feel guilty because you didn’t get out to your back yard in time. You know tragedy happens faster than we can think and move.
You got another cat because you needed to do that. Pure luck for Boss, maybe he earned it in his former life. If you feel stress, maybe it’s your habit. You know in your bones how to take care of animals, and you do it superbly. Remember what wrecks Lily and Rosie both were without you? Look at them now!
Tunch would tell you the same thing. that’s why he sent Boss to you.
wetcasements
Dag Nasty?
How harDCore of you, Mr. Cole.
Thlayli
Related to the earlier German video:
What Phish sounds like to people that don’t like Phish
Mary G
You’ve only been without Tunch for like nine days and are barely in the beginning of the mourning process. Give yourself a break. Player-to-be-named-later is a magnificent beast, but he isn’t Tunch and the differences will be stressful and challenging for a long time to come. The rewards will be well worth it, but there is no way in hell you could be feeling good at this point if you have a heart. Yours is huge and broken. Let Lily and Rosie and the new guy help you heal and eventually move on.
donnah
John, you’ve been on an emotional rollercoaster and it’s no wonder you’re stressed. Losing a pet is traumatic in the first place, and losing Tunch was probaby twice as difficult because it was a shock. And you already know that bringing a new critter into your home is a tricky order, but things have gone well so far and Boss has already reciprocated the affection and adoration you’re giving, so relax.
You’re a good guy. Don’t let things wear you down.
Debbie(aussie)
John, you seem to have this knack for knowing, instinctively what is needed for each of your animal friends, trust that you know what is right for yourself as well. You are a man of depth with a heart a kilometre wide and the passion of a volcano. I think I can honestly say I love you you wonderful generous teddy bear. Take care of yourself and those you love and life will continue to be a ride worth taking. Debs
NotMax
There is better, there is more skillful, there is experienced, there is attentive, there is intuitive, there is instinctive, there is empathetic. But there is no one ‘right.’
Arclite
I hate Apple, but I’m glad you’re enjoying your devices.
I wish I could have animals, but my apartment rental agreement forbids it.
Drinking a 24 oz Sierra Nevada.
Arclite +2.
And JC, WTF are you doing up at 3AM?
Luci
John…. we are not perfect. None of us are, but we do the best we can and then try and live with where things did not go as we’d wish. I am a responsible pet owner. I woke up at 3:30 this morning to find one of my beloved cats on the bathroom rug and very ill. I got him to the emergency vet at 4:00, and he died right then and there. I am still in shock, as it’s only been an hour, He was young and it was his liver. I am having them do an autopsy to find out what happened so in case it’s contagious we can do something. I am beating myself up that I did not notice his lethargy earlier and take action faster. I did not think a young, healthy cat would get so ill so fast. I’ve never had anything like this happen before, and I feel terrible about it. I am obviously not perfect at all, but I’ve been doing the best I can for my pets, which is quite a lot actually, but it did not save this one. And, I am telling myself that this is life and how it goes sometimes and we just have to go on and do the best we can with it and hope for the best. And now, I am crying like you have been, because I am bereft too, and it’s how things go sometimes. It is obvious to me that you are doing the best you can and that is pretty good and that life has handed you some hard things… as it does to all of us. So, do try to take it a bit easy on yourself and know that all you can do is keep at it and try, and I will try to do the same.
bemused
Fish oil capsules made a noticeable difference in our older arthritic dog, passed on a year ago, about two weeks after we started her on it. She also loved it even though she just gulped it down. She knew it had a lovely fish aroma with a dog’s keen sense of smell. She would bark and firmly remind us if we forgot to give it to her.
We also give fish oil to our younger dog who has had surgery on both knees.
Mary G
@Luci: I am so sorry for your loss. What a terrible shock.
Zapruder F. Mashtots, D.D.S. (Mumphrey, et al.)
You’re overthinking this. Those guys are lucky to have you, even if you do like Billy Joel, which to m mind should be a felony. When I’m out somewhere and hear “Piano Man” playing over the p.a., I want to kill myself. It’s that awful.
@Luci:
That’s awful. All I can say is that I’m sorry and that you’ll need to take your time getting over it. Don’t hurry it along. People who don’t understand might thing (or even tell you) that he was “just” a cat, but they’re full of shit.
JPL
@Luci: At times like these, there is little one can say. I’m so sorry for your loss.
Tinare
@Luci: So sorry for your loss.
Linda Featheringill
@Luci:
I am sorry for your loss.
Sometimes it’s hard to distinguish a sick cat from one that’s merely enjoying a lazy spell. You are not omniscient, you’re just a generous human.
[hugs]
PsiFighter37
I love Billy Joel too – not sure why that’s something to be ashamed of?
JPL
@Linda Featheringill: You are so right. A few months ago, a large tree arborist mentioned that Miss Moxie was docile. Maybe if I brought her to the vet and said my dog is normally not docile, I could have discovered her cancer in the early stages. I blamed it on her age. Of course, the vet probably would have laughed at me. I think guilt is part of the mourning stage.
Southern Beale
I woke up this morning and my freakishly large hand due to yesterday’s wasp sting is still freakishly large. So I guess I have to go to the doctor today.
It looks like someone sewed another person’s hand on the end of my wrist.
JPL
@Southern Beale: That’s not fun.
Punchy
Wait…I thought he wasnt “Boss” anymore. What didI miss?
Southern Beale
@JPL:
It hurts, too.
Sigh.
geg6
@PsiFighter37:
Because hipsters hate him.
And I will admit right here and now (and kill my punk cred) that I enjoy Mr. Joel’s musical stylings, too.
@Luci:
OMG, I’m so sorry! So sudden and heartbreaking.
Ramalama
Dog glucosamine pills from Trader Joe’s (not sure there’s a TJ in your neck of them thar hills) helped my dog’s arthritis and so did laser. It’s non-invasive, took about 5 treatments (1-2 mins each visit) and showed great improvement right away.
You’ll do what needs to be done. Try not to worry so much.
Zapruder F. Mashtots, D.D.S. (Mumphrey, et al.)
@PsiFighter37:
Because he sounds like some cheesy guy whose upcoming stylings in Atlantic City you always see advertised on the billboards when you’re driving along I-95 in Chester, Pennsylvania.
Joshua James
acupuncture helps dogs with arthritis… you should check into it… doesn’t cure it, but definitely makes living better (and they don’t even feel the needles) … we used to do it at the vet I worked at and it was something…
johnny's mom
Hang in. It takes time.
Johnny blew out her knee by the time she was one-and-a-half. She had reconstructive surgery, but still has lingering issues (although the vet thinks it’s not as much actual pain as “feels funny”, and Johnny, being all caps, large pt, bold and underlined OCD, can’t deal). She had a series of shots (6) of Adequan and takes Dasaquin (a glucosamine supplement). Both have had a visible effect. If she missed two days in a row, she would start limping again. I’ve heard laser therapy is very effective, as is hydro-therapy, and they’re getting easier to find now.
Kisses on Rosie’s knees (is it knees?), Lily’s psyche, and on the Soon-to-be-renamed-Boss’s overly-toed mitts.
OzarkHillbilly
@JPL:
My first dog, a long haired German Shepard, got bone cancer at the age of 2. Less than a month from first limp, to vet, to specialist, to putting him down. By the time we knew what it was, his body was riddled with it. Could have kept him alive for another year maybe, but what kind of life would he have?
Let him go. Cried like a baby, then I took him out to some woods we had spent a considerable amount of time in, lugged his 110 lbs to a shady spot and buried him there. And cried some more.
@Luci: Sorry for your loss.
OzarkHillbilly
@NickT:
John, this.
Luci
I went for a long walk with a friend and cried some more. Thank you all for your condolences and to those of you who have lost pets, I offer mine too. It is really hard. But, it helps with people understand. Thank you again…
patty \
honestly, i think you are overthinking the whole thing. i’ve had animals (i’m 57) all my life and i just opened the door and let them in together from the first moment. yeah, there is growling and hissing but its over within an hour. they won’t establish a pack hierarchy until they are together so you are putting a hold on that necessary bit of jockeying for position that will happen no matter how long you keep them separated. you aren’t going to screw anything up. quit worrying!
you were definitely in shock the first few days and you may still be in shock, i’m suspecting. sudden death is very, very hard to deal with as, unfortunately, i know about only too well. and with the violent way tunch died the shock and horror of that will always be with you. thankfully, you will finally learn to live the pain. life hurts my friend and nothing hurts as bad as when those who are in our care died by violence. i’m really sorry that you are having to go through it but you WILL come out on the other side when its time.
patty \
honestly, i think you are overthinking the whole thing. i’ve had animals (i’m 57) all my life and i just opened the door and let them in together from the first moment. yeah, there is growling and hissing but its over within an hour. they won’t establish a pack hierarchy until they are together so you are putting a hold on that necessary bit of jockeying for position that will happen no matter how long you keep them separated. you aren’t going to screw anything up. quit worrying!
you were definitely in shock the first few days and you may still be in shock, i’m suspecting. sudden death is very, very hard to deal with as, unfortunately, i know about only too well. and with the violent way tunch died the shock and horror of that will always be with you. thankfully, you will finally learn to live the pain. life hurts my friend and nothing hurts as bad as when those who are in our care died by violence. i’m really sorry that you are having to go through it but you WILL come out on the other side when its time.
patty \
honestly, i think you are overthinking the whole thing. i’ve had animals (i’m 57) all my life and i just opened the door and let them in together from the first moment. yeah, there is growling and hissing but its over within an hour. they won’t establish a pack hierarchy until they are together so you are putting a hold on that necessary bit of jockeying for position that will happen no matter how long you keep them separated. you aren’t going to screw anything up. quit worrying!
you were definitely in shock the first few days and you may still be in shock, i’m suspecting. sudden death is very, very hard to deal with as, unfortunately, i know about only too well. and with the violent way tunch died the shock and horror of that will always be with you. thankfully, you will finally learn to live the pain. life hurts my friend and nothing hurts as bad as when those who are in our care died by violence. i’m really sorry that you are having to go through it but you WILL come out on the other side when its time.
Debbie(aussie)
@Luci: Love and best wishes extended your way, so sorry, Debs
Debbie(aussie)
@Luci: Love and best wishes extended your way, so sorry, Debs
patty \
aaarrrrgh!!! i hate it when i hit enter more than once. sorry!
njb
Boss hit the kitty lottery the moment you entered his life and brought him home. He’s the luckiest cat in the Western Hemisphere as best I can tell.
Chyron HR
@geg6:
I’m pretty sure The Piano Man has been considered considered terminally uncool since the ’80s, if not the ’70s.
Squiregeek
See your vet about Rosie. Meloxicam restored our 8-year-old golden retriever’s ability to get around dramatically. Arthritis had severely limited his ability to get around. With that daily pill, he was back to his active life. He was nearly puppy-like.
Add me to the list of those saddened by the loss of Tunch. And of those who gave a little extra to pet rescue in his memory.
BTW – It was you who got me involved in pet rescue. I transport mostly puppies from all over NC every week or so. And I’ve been donating to rescue groups. It feels good.
captnkurt
@wetcasements: Maybe JC meant Dag Nasty, but I don’t think he’s got teh hardcorez in him.
There’s also a band called just Dag from the 90s. Actually, I see from Wikipedia it’s all-caps DAG. They only put out a few albums, but the first one, Righteous, was pretty solid, in case y’all wanna Spotify that shit up.
Guest
You can get dog ramps/steps to help her out
http://www.petsmart.com/family/index.jsp?categoryId=2767081
http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss?url=search-alias%3Dpets&field-keywords=ramps%20and%20steps
Paul in KY
@Luci: Very sorry to hear that. My condolences, Luci.
Paul in KY
@geg6: Billy Joel is a great musician. Hope to see him some day.
Paul in KY
@njb: Actually, mine are :-) but I would say Boss is right up there in the luck department.
Violet
John, others have said most everything that needs to be said. You are a great pet owner and your fur kids are lucky to have you. Tunch’s death was so sudden that you are still coming to terms with the loss. Be kind to yourself and allow yourself to grieve. It can take time.
As for Rosie, consider her diet. A friend of mine switched her cats from the canned food diet to a raw food diet. One of the cats was not expected to make it more than a month or two, and nine months later has confounded the vet. His skin problem is mostly gone, his arthritis is gone and he acts a lot younger. Her other cat gets the same diet and he’s had similar results, although he didn’t start off as bad.
Another friend put her dogs on it. They were both doing poorly and the diet really helped them with a wide variety of problems. It’s something to consider, anyway.
TaMara (BHF)
@Luci: I am so sorry. [[hugs]]
quannlace
The prevailing wisdom (cliche?) is “You’ll know when it’s time to let another animal in your life.” I lasted a month. Simple reason; I just could not stand it.
I was still grieving after losing Clemmie when I started visiting shelters, all the time thinking ‘is it too soon? Maybe it’s too soon.” My soon-to-be Katie was literally in the last cubicle.
I guess it was the right time. She is the most wonderful dog i’ve ever known.
BC
@Ramalama: Can use 1/4 adult glucosamine pill as well.
Constance
John, I bought stairs for the Muffin when she couldn’t jump up anymore. She loved the ones with carpeted steps and hated the bare wood ones.
And I give my 14-year-old arthritic cat Bubba treats called Hipaction, made by Duke’s in Durango, Co. The vet gave him some kind of cortisone shot then I started with the treats and it seems to be working. He still squawks occasionally when he tries to lie down but is managing pretty well.
CONGRATULATIONS!
John: I hope you’re bothering to read this thread. I have my doubts but I gotta try. I’d email, but…
If your little Rosie has arthritis – and she’s not too old to have it, BTW – there’s a synthetic glucosamine out there called Adequan. It was originally made for racehorses and there’s now a canine version. I do not think it’s hyperbole to call it a miracle drug. I thought for sure we were going to have to put our dear 15-year old lab down over a year ago and I tried this as a last ditch effort. Takes eight weeks for the loading dose and then a monthly booster.
It was like getting a new dog. She’s still not jumping up on the bed or anything like that – she is 16 now, after all – but she’s not miserable and in pain like she was. I recommend this stuff wholeheartedly.
maye
Re Rosie’s arthritis: There’s a doggie version of ibuprofen whose name I cannot remember, but starts with an “e.” Ask the vet. Helps mobility. I used it on my Dobie in her later years.
CaseyL
@Luci: I’m so sorry.
John – what you’re feeling is normal. Many years ago, after my little Roco died tragically, I brought home another kitty and it took time for her to integrate into the household. She had an eye injury when she came to me. Having to take her to the vet and treat her every day for it was an added stress point for both of us. I broke down at the vet’s at one point, because I thought I was failing her, that she wasn’t happy. We got through it. Her eye healed, she grew up to be Ariel, Queen of the Universe, and lived almost 20 years.
You are one of the best Pet Daddies there is. Your sensitivity, patience and love are profound and inspiring.
Tunch’s death was a horrible tragedy; of course it hit you at your core. Mourning him will be an ongoing process, with grief overwhelming you when you least expect it. But you in no way failed him, and finding another kitty so soon in no way diminishes Tunch or how much you still love him. (You’ll always love Tunch, because he will always live on in your memory.)
Seeing how Lily reacted when she saw the walking stick was awful, but hopefully it also reminded you of what you saved her from, and what an idyllic life you’ve given her.
Seeing signs of arthritis in Rosie may mean she’s older than you thought. Hopefully, it also made you think about how you saved her, as well: that she has a wonderful home to get old in, and someone who will move heaven and Earth on her behalf.
Boss-for-Now Cat is doing fine (though he may want some words with you once he realizes his boys are gone :). You’re taking the right steps to integrate him, giving him and the girls their space. It’s natural to be apprehensive about what happens when they all actually meet, and you may need to keep an extra eye on Rosie, but it looks like the Big Meet should go well. Bosscat can jump, which the girls (and esp. Rosie) cannot, so if he needs to get away from them when you’re not around, he can.
Try to be as loving and patient with yourself as you are with your critters. You deserve it as much as they do.
Aurona
Long time lurker, but feel I must echo what others have said: Get (two) steps for your bed, and the couch. I’ve got a two-step plastic item for both the bed and the bay window: for Gracie the Lab, Bailey, Springer Spaniel mix and Kali, Pug/JRT mix (she looks like Lily except with a little black on her muzzle). The spaniel is almost 15 and she really doesn’t need to jump – unless she wants to. The steps have extended their good health and bones by years. Also, don’t forget to give them glucosamine supplements and wild Alaskan salmon oil. By the way, beautifully written this past week; and thank you for sharing. It means a lot to all of us companion people who love our four-leggers. That is all…
Gex
I’m sure you did get grayer over that week. During the month I spent in the hospital with Kate, caring for her and worrying, I got significantly grayer. And with black hair, that is noticeable.
But seriously, John. You didn’t do it wrong. You specifically told Seth to keep Kiwi out. And he did. You had just seen Tunch indoors. I’m sad that you blame yourself. Tunch had a very, very good life and you did everything you could for him. I really hope that in time you can let go of this guilt and self-blame.
Boss is a lucky cat. And if/when you do decide to foster or adopt a child, that child will be a lucky child.You do the most important part, John. You provide the love.
MikeInSewickley
After scanning some other blogs that are all news, I always end up here. Yes, there is news with great front page people. But reading Cole’s real people stuff makes me feel better.
Thanks.
Burnspbesq
Cirrus Logic has done a nice job of incrementally improving the audio chips it makes for Apple. The iPhone 5 is the best-sounding iPhone yet, and the iPad Mini is the best-sounding Apple device I’ve ever owned.
Competition is heating up, as ESS and Wolfson, the dominant suppliers of digital-to-analog conversion chips to the consumer electronics industry, have recently introduced new chips expressly designed for mobile devices.
The biggest remaining issues for Apple with audiophools are the sample-rate limitation and insufficient memory. IRiver has raised the bar with its Astell & Kern line of high-end portable players. Hopefully the next generation of iPod Touch will at least go to 96/24, and either have 128 gigs of memory or a microSD slot or two.
eyelessgame
Hey. I got a couple things to say about my man Billy Joel.
One, there’s no defensiveness needed for liking the man who wrote Captain Jack and Goodnight Saigon. There are people who lived through events like those who won’t listen to the songs because they’re too close to home.
Two, the dude got me laid. I sang “An Innocent Man” under a young lady’s window, because it was exactly the right song for her situation, and it had exactly the effect they write about in movies.
(Oh, and three – when BJ was dating a Younger Woman, it led to one of Bill Maher’s best snarks: “There is nothing whatsoever creepy about a sixty-eight-year-old man dating a nineteen-year-old woman. This is why God created money.”)
ThresherK
Billy Joel? Yeah, no defensiveness required.
We grazed across the “closing Shea Stadium concert” on TV and it was incredible. Didn’t know it was there. Didn’t tune it in on purpose. Couldn’t stop watching.
And (as a rule) I don’t like American Idol, but tried to watch the show where they sang Billy Joel songs. None of them could “find the center” of all those familiar tunes I’ve heard on the radio since the ’70s. It only seems like everyone can sing one of his songs, but all those talented voices couldn’t.
Locked away little secret: “Laura”, from “The Nylon Curtain”.
Burnspbesq
I’m not much of a Billy Joel fan (my taste in piano men from Lawnguyland runs more toward Joey Calderazzo), but I will admit that every time I read anything about the Detroit bankruptcy, “Miami 2017” comes on my mental jukebox. That is a great, great song.
Mayken
Nthing the glucosamine recommendation for the puppeh! I started giving it to my 23 year old horse and, as others have said, it was like he found the fountain of youth. He hasn’t been this spritely in years. We’ve even taken some blue ribbons in gymkhana! So I’m a big believer.
And you are doing right by your new boy. Proceed with all due caution but try to stay calm. You needed each other and it will work out alright.
Cheers!
Violet
Wanted to add that Lily and Rosie may also be grieving Tunch. It’ll be in their own doggie way, but they know something has changed, he’s no longer around, and they may be processing that. So that may also be part of Rosie’s arthritis.
serena1313
@Luci:
Luci, something similar happened to my cat Trevor, but he was 18.5 years old. It is a shock and I, too, felt guilty. After awhile, I realized sometimes these things happen. It does not ease the pain, only time will do that. Iam sorry for your loss.
serena1313
John, I would suggest asking your vet about Cosequin for dogs — they also have Cosequin for cats. I used to give it to my cat and it seemed to help his arthritis. It seems to be one of the more effective arthritis meds for animals.
Don’t worry about Boss — easier said than done. But re_member you are also grieving. And that has a tendency to distort things to some degree. Give yourself time to get through this.
You’ve got great instincts. Just keep on doing what you are doing.
InternetDragons
I’ll chime in because I care about you, JC.
You’re grieving. That’s part of why everything feels so complicated.
You’re going to be grieving at some level for a very long time. It sucks. And it goes on much, much longer than a lot of folks want to admit. Thank goodness you are surrounded by people who don’t expect you to ‘get past it’ in a week or a month. Or a year. It gets better, but ‘better’ is incremental, and some small part of us never entirely recovers from that kind of shock. We just learn to work around it.
You’re getting the important stuff right. The stuff you are worried about getting ‘wrong’ is either minor or includes all the crap we just have no real control over.
Blessings to you and your pets – and to all of us here.
contract3d
This sort of surfaced from my subconcious a few days ago, and now I find myself singing it to my (svelte little) cat every time she hassles me for food.
No disrespect meant – Tunch was more a part of my life than any kitty ever whom I had not personally met.
And I’m so damn proud of you and the Balloon-Juice community for memorializing the big guy by making such a difference in the lives of so many pets, and in the lives of their forever families too.
Mnemosyne
When we picked Keaton up to take him home, G looked at him and said, “And one day you’re going to die and break our hearts, just like Natasha did.”
IMO, that’s what’s in the back of your mind, but you can’t have pets and worry about that (too much). Yes, someday you’re going to lose Boss, and Lily, and Rosie, because our companion animals have shorter lives than we do. But eventually that feeling will subside and you’ll be able to enjoy everyone for the time you have together.
Keith G
Stress?
Sorry, dude but that is beyond mocking.
I spent part of my weekend helping an elderly couple deal with their dying middle-aged son. He has AIDS and they don’t know that.
Pets are really important, but damn you need a life.
So I guess now I’ll just step back and prepare for my beating.
Mnemosyne
@Keith G:
The latest psychological studies show that grief is grief, and the intensity is the same whether it’s a person or a pet that you’re grieving for. The main difference is that the duration for a pet is shorter, because our relationships with them are less complicated than they are with people.
It’s barely been a week. Let John have his time. He’s not going to need nearly as long as your patient’s parents will.
InternetDragons
@Keith G –
Not gonna “beat” you. I’m just going to ask that you keep an open heart and maintain some perspective. I’ve been on the front lines of AIDS care and research since the early years of the epidemic, so I know grief and loss and horror stories. And we both know many folks on this blog have had to deal with devastating burdens and tragedies. That’s part of why we all come together here.
Nobody here is trying to completely equate pets with the sort of situation you describe, or genocide in Rwanda, or malaria deaths in Sudan. No matter what tragedy any of us may be experiencing, there’s almost always something worse out there somewhere.
But that doesn’t mean that in the smaller-scale immediacy of our own pain, that it’s cool to hit someone with the “get a life” line unless your aim is to simply be unkind…in which case I don’t have much to say to YOU other than “get a life”. But I don’t think being unkind is what you intend here, even though it comes off like that.
It would be easy for me to tell you that what you dealt with this weekend isn’t stress-worthy, either…because believe me, there IS worse to deal with. But what you’re dealing with is tragic, and it’s good that you are trying to be a positive force. Don’t negate it by coming here and being mean.
There’s nothing off-balance with the way John is dealing with this. It’s only been a week. Like Mnemosyne points out, the couple you are dealing with will of course require much longer than that to get to the point where John is at today. That’s all healthy and normal.
It’s truly a shame that you can’t see that. It’s our capacity to understand and support each other through levels of grief – whether they be for our pets, or for the people we love – that brings out the best in us.
mostlygray
Pet integration is not a science. I lost a little buddy to cancer earlier this year and sooner than I figured, another feline arrived. I put the dogs(her two coonhounds) in their crates, let Luther out of his carrier, he walked around a bit, dogs barked, he looked at them like they are stupid and annoying(they are), found his place on the bed and that was about it except for some cat butt sniffing by the dogs. I wouldn’t say this is a method I would normally use, but I based it on the personalities of all parties involved and it worked. Something about those polydactyls. Luther is sevens up front, sixes out back.
I heard “Pressure” by Billy Joel last night on an internet radio station out of Germany I like. He shouldn’t have released that.
Eljai
Forgive me but I’m going to get all new agey on your ass. I was thinking about how you used to be a republican. Therefore, Tunch was with you through your full transformation. Maybe once Tunch realized that you were going to be okay, he decided his work on this earth plane was done and he was free to move to higher planes of consciousness. Yes, I know I am full of shit, but it makes me feel better. Tunch will be missed, no way around that. But thanks to you, the love lives on in Lily, Rosie, Boss-Cat and scores of other pets who will find loving homes because of the generosity and kindness that this blog brings out in people (occasional flame wars nothwithstanding). Geez, Cole, you must be doing something right.
contract3d
@mostlygray:
As my (older & very wise) sister says “cats happen”
One happened to us during the darkest period of our lives – during my 31 year old son’s nine-month, losing, struggle with brain cancer – (driving down a busy 4-lane divided highway, me slamming on the brakes while saying “It’s a kitten, we can’t just leave it there!)
So, this four-week-old kitten came into our lives to provide the only (and so very necessary) comic relief.
“Cats happen” – and, often, for a reason.
Daffodil's Mom
John, Daffodil was eight when she first showed signs of arthritis and severe hip dysplasia. Turned out she had no ball, no socket, either hip! (Yes, chows are stubborn and yes, we had her (supposedly) tested as a pup but how do you sue a vet for malpractice?) With the help of a marvelous specialist, we were able to give her a high-quality life, on her terms, for another 7-1/2 years. During her last few years she was on a four-hour schedule of pain meds in addition to a wide variety of supplements and had to be carried up and down the stairs, but she still went for walks, interacted with her canine brothers and managed to move a 100+ lb. concrete planter going after a groundhog. So there is a lot of hope for Rosie. And as for you, you are a large man with an even larger heart and if you need to worry and fret, well, that’s part of you too — you still end up doing the right thing, because everything you do you do out of love.
Keith G
@Mnemosyne:
@InternetDragons:
as someone who likes John and appreciate what he’s done here, let me add to the short handed statement above…..
Even before the tragedy of two weeks ago, I was beginning to wonder if John was spending too much time inside his own head. I never typed anything, because who the hell am I?
This is just an intuitive notion which I would share with someone in the real world, so I thought I’d share it in this one
Mnemosyne
@Keith G:
Okay, but that’s different than It was just a stupid cat, get over it, which is how you came across by bringing up the grieving couple you’re working with.
Given how many friends and family he seems to have hanging around, I don’t agree with you that Cole is socially isolated, but he could probably use a girlfriend in addition to all of those other people.
Keith G
@Mnemosyne: Lordy my good friend, you have elevated putting words in other people’s mouth to quite an amazing art form – even more expensive then your usual effort.
Keith G
@Keith G: And it seems auto correct also puts words in m mouth.
Paul in KY
@Keith G: Has he told his parents that his condition is terminal?
Paul in KY
@Eljai: I don’t think Tunch would have chosen that particular way of ascending to a higher plane.
Paul in KY
@contract3d: Very sorry y’all (especially the poor son) had to go thru that. I’m glad the little kitten was able to lighten the load just a bit.
Keith G
@Paul in KY: Yes. but never had the” I have AIDS” conversation. Parents are late 70s early 80s, rural Wisconsin folk – Cheeseheads. Very nice.
I don’t know why this choice was made. (One can guess). I would have advised a different path, but I was not asked. So….. my place is to support things as they are.
Blake in OR
John and others who have lost a cat, I’m terribly sorry for your losses. I’ve lost several cats, and the hardest of those deaths have been the sharply sudden ones, unanticipated rips in the fabric of my life that left ragged edges around empty heartspace.
@John: Tunch’s story hit me hard, because I’ve been there, on that tilted ground of helplessness and grief and loss. I have kids who are my world, but cats occupy this other special, child-analogous space for me in a way that other animals don’t. I tend to bond with certain boy cats in a sort of one-man cat way, and losing them totally wrecks me. My current familiar Krypton has Maine Coon or Norwegian Forest Cat blood, and he’s the most oddball cat I’ve ever lived with. Someday I’ll have to say goodbye to him too, but hopefully not for many years yet.
I grew accustomed to reading about your relationship with Tunch and recognized a kindred spirit, so when I came on here last week and had to reconstruct what had happened, well, yeah, I’m grieving too. At the same time, I’m grateful to connect with so many others who feel as deeply as me on this stuff. I’m grateful for the exercise in empathy and compassion. I can see you’re not alone by the outpouring of support here, and by that token, neither am I. Neither are the others here. You’ve shared your grief courageously, and I thank you for doing so.
Worrying that you’re doing the right thing by your new cat is natural, given how vulnerable you become when you love, and how much you want to do right by these funny, idiosyncratic critters. And since grief is a nonlinear process, it’s totally understandable that you’re going through emotional swings. Be compassionate and patient with yourself while you heal.
Juju
@Southern Beale: Take Benadryl.
asiangrrlMN
Just read this now, Cole. It’s a beautiful, sweet post, and you do so much good for your animal friends. They all have wonderful, pampered lives being showered with love, attention, food, and comfort. As others have mentioned, there is no one right way to do things, and you’ve done really well by your crew.
I hope Rosie is OK. Let us know.
@Southern Beale: Ugh. That’s no fun. Good luck!
Paul in KY
@Keith G: God bless you for helping out. The dying son has a fine friend.