I’m sure many of you have already caught wind of this lunatic, but in case you have not, meet Police Chief Mark Kessler:
Mark Kessler really loves guns. “I carry an M-16 at work,” he says. He can do that because he’s a police officer — in fact, the chief of police in the tiny borough of Gilberton, a hamlet of less than a thousand in the coal-rich hills of Eastern Pennsylvania. But even in a profession where carrying a gun is part of the job description, Kessler is an outlier. Last month, he told a story to a local Tea Party group about how he was stopped by police officers in a neighboring town for displaying his machine gun to a friend, even though he was in full dress uniform. And that, Kessler said, is the problem with law enforcement today in a nutshell.
“They want to kick butt and take names, and ruin lives, over nonsense. They terrorize people over a turn signal,” he said, wearing an Oath Keepers t-shirt. “I’ve got better things to do with my time than worry about somebody who’s got a broken taillight. Seriously, I really do.”
Better things, for Kessler, include opening new chapters of the paramilitary militia group he founded, pushing legislation to fight the encroaching tyranny of the federal government, and making flamboyant YouTube videos that portray him “shoot[ing] a libtard out of a tree” or taunting the United Nations, but always shooting lots and lots of souped-up guns.
I wouldn’t freak out too much about this nutjob, because natural selection has already taken one stab at removing this stain on the human race and will no doubt finish the job soon enough:
The Gilberton police chief’s handgun that discharged during a scuffle in a borough bar early Sunday has yet to be recovered by state police.
Troopers are investigating an incident where Mark Kessler, who was off-duty at the time, became involved in an altercation already under way among patrons inside a crowded 2nd Street Pub about midnight when his pistol discharged, shooting him in the hand.
Sgt. Barry Whitmoyer, commander of the Frackville station, said Friday the weapon had not been accounted for and it is not known if the gun was fired intentionally or went off by accident.
“We don’t have the weapon and still have a lot of questions to answer,” Whitmoyer said. “At this point we really don’t know what we have.”
Guns, booze, and this guy. What a combo. I give him a year before he is in jail or dead. And isn’t disappearing his weapon after shooting it in a bar obstruction of justice?
kc
“Frackville,” for real?
zombie rotten mcdonald
Reminds me of THIS genius super-masculine crack shot quick draw artist.
I usually use that in discussions with people who think most gun owners are responsible.
What kills me is that the guy didn’t even delete his video.
KRK
Wonkette notes that he’s also on the school board.
dmsilev
Gliberton? I assume that’s a shortened version of the original name, Glibertariantopia.
kc
@zombie rotten mcdonald:
Here, he explains that he put up the first “I shot myself” vid “in an attempt to save lives.” I doubt it will save any lives, but it did make me laugh.
Legalize
“And isn’t disappearing his weapon after shooting it in a bar obstruction of justice?”
Paging, Ray Lewis ….
zombie rotten mcdonald
@kc:
It just gets funnier EVERY DAMN TIME….
zombie rotten mcdonald
@kc:
If he wants to save lives, the best thing he could do is disarm himself.
Belafon
This might suck for his residents in the short term, but in the interest in the long term survival of the human race we should all start sending him money to buy beer and bullets.
danielx
I can maybe understand (an incompetent) police chief, but how did this douche waffle end up on the local school board?
Felonius Monk
Not to change the subject — well yes to change the subject. Can we have an update on the “Boss”? Is he home yet? Are the “girls” nursing him back to robust health?
What’s going on, John?
Oh, the teabag police chief — too bad it was only his hand. Shoulda shot hisself in the balls.
BGinCHI
Check this guy’s ID. That could easily be Ted Nugent after reconstructive surgery.
Probably had a dick installed too.
BGinCHI
@Felonius Monk: Would need micro-laser for that…
NCSteve
@kc: Yup. Frackville. Right down the road from Felgercarbton.
kc
@zombie rotten mcdonald:
His trying to shoot a target from what looks like 18 inches is almost as funny as his shooting himself in the leg, bless his heart.
JPL
Wouldn’t it be interesting to put Kessler and Nugent in an enclosed area with a mound of guns. That would make a great youtube.
Felonius Monk
@danielx:
Read earlier today that the mayor was standing behind him 100% — so maybe it’s a whole town of douche waffles?
ETA: Or maybe douche waffles and douche pancakes — who knows.
Trollhattan
How long before The Onion is shuttered for good? There’s not one damn normal thing in the entire article.
Steeplejack (tablet)
@Felonius Monk:
The mayor is smart. I certainly wouldn’t want to stand in front of him.
Roger Moore
@NCSteve:
No, no, that’s Frakkville. Frackville is closer to Drillington.
Yatsuno
C’mon Darwin Award! Ripe fat target just waiting right there!
Please tell me he hasn’t spawned. Please.
ranchandsyrup
Will add this to the Agenda 21 meeting proposal. No blue helmet for this guy.
Roger Moore
@Steeplejack (tablet):
I don’t know about that. Given his apparent skill level, the safest place may be directly in front of his intended target.
GregB
D-I-L-D-O and dildo was his name-o.
What a maroon.
Kyle
The only response needed to this: Hey, man. Sorry about the penis.
kindness
Here is what I learned so far on the web about this ‘Police Chief’. His ‘Department’ consists of one officer. Himself.
That and he wears tshirts with the Confederate Battle Flag on them.
He’s a dickhead.
NotMax
@kc
(Mentioned solely for trivia buffs.)
Practically next door to the first locale in the U.S. to be wired for cable TV, Mahanoy City.
Phil Perspective
@danielx: Because Gilberton, and that area of PA, is one where you leave ASAP. Meaning it’s one of those coal towns that skews older. The VFW hall on a Friday night is the happening event in town. Seriously.
BGinCHI
I’m guessing they named it Frackville because Shithole was already taken.
Amir Khalid
About 25 years ago, the Royal Malaysian Police experimented with having cops carry M-16s on patrol. The rifles were hand-me-downs from the army, which was switching to an Austrian make of assault rifles. It didn’t work. A beat cop has little if any use for that kind of firepower. Worse, assault rifles can be really awkward to carry, especially when you’re riding a Honda Cub on patrol. The public did not find the sight reassuring, to say the least. After about a year, the cops decided to go back to revolvers.
This Chief Kessler dude sounds like a George Zimmerman who actually got hold of a police badge. Did he work his way up to chief, or was he elected to the post?
Short Bus Bully
Hol-eeee fucknuts, batman. The only thing missing is the dueling banjos. That dude is a caricature of a caricature.
ruemara
To quote or misquote Tolkien: “If only this sort of thing spread throughout Mordor”.
becca
@GregB: ear worm.
NotMax
@Phil Perspective <blockquoteThe VFW hall on a Friday night is the happening event in town. Seriously.Bad hot dogs and worse beer. Too many memories of functions like that in PA, at the VFW and also the Grange hall.
Lived for quite a while way, way, way out in the boonies (phone was a party line) of northeastern PA*, in what could be described as a one-horse town.
If it had a horse.
Or a town.
Essentially just a ZIP code, with the post office in a corner of Mrs. Thingamabob’s living room. But P.O. boxes cost only $5 per year.
Moving sometime later on to the farthest reaches outside Reading was a step up. At least we had an RFD number (RFD 8!), and mail delivery.
*But not as far removed as some friends who bought a farm in the area. They were serviced by a private phone company, and when the ‘dial 1’ protocol was introduced, had to dial 1 to make local calls, 1-1 to get long distance.
Mike in NC
We’re still waiting for shitbird Ted Nugent to be dead or in jail. There’s no justice.
johnny aquitard
He’s police chief of a tiny podunk town of mostly old people, and he’s running around armed as if the entire fucking Mahdi Army had just overrun the village and taken hostages.
Not all paranoid delusional people are gunnuts. But all gunnuts are paranoid delusional.
And what is it with these fucking morans who wail about tyranny and the coming police state while doing everything to be the example of a tyrannical police state? A cop who walks the neighborhood beat with a submachine gun, who forms his own paramilitary, and talks about killing people who don’t vote his way is exactly what a police state looks like.
BGinCHI
@johnny aquitard: Projective identification.
Another Bot Splainer
Wow, glad I didn’t have relatives who died fighting against the flag of treason he’s wearing. I’d want to drive over there and punch him in the neck.
carlweese
“Frackville,” for real?”
Yes, but long before the ongoing, new definition, fracking disaster. Back in the 19th century it was about fracturing, or breaking, the mined coal. Giant buildings where this was done were called “breakers.”
And Ashville is nearby. Also, Centralia, which is a ghost town because of an underground coal fire that began almost 60 years ago and nobody knows how to fix it:
http://www.carlweese.com/centralia.html
Sorry if I shouldn’t link to my own site content, but the story is weird and interesting. Also, too, in this video the idiot police chief is standing in front of what might be mistaken for a hillside, but is actually a “coal colm”–low-value tailings from the mines that have been closed for many decades. That’s waste coal piled up behind him. One of the better employments in the area today is in remediation.
NCSteve
@Roger Moore: Goddamn Apple Maps app.
Denny
The Rude Pundit has some thoughts on a different video from this clown:
http://rudepundit.blogspot.com/2013/07/a-review-of-chief-mark-kesslers-short.html
The best line is:
“Look at that picture. The gun is a disembodied cock and balls, a compensation for his own lack of both. If there is a clearer image of the pathetic, emasculated American male, the Rude Pundit cannot think of it.”
Petorado
It takes a massive amount of intentional ignorance to take a treaty that’s going to limit illicit gun sales to nations that are human rights abusers (AKA the next place the US will wind-up sending troops) and twist it into some sneak attack to take his guns. What a tool.
And why is it that gun nuts have such a strong belief that the U.N., which can barely keep peace in small third world nations, is somehow mighty enough to sneak into the US and confiscate all our weapons?
johnny aquitard
@BGinCHI: Yeah, I know. It’s been said a million times before here and elsewhere the right is all about projection. You want to know what they are up to, just listen to what they accuse The Other of doing.
Kyle
“They want to kick butt and take names, and ruin lives, over nonsense. They terrorize people over a turn signal,” he said, wearing an Oath Keepers t-shirt. “I’ve got better things to do with my time than worry about somebody who’s got a broken taillight. Seriously, I really do.”
I agreee with him on the over-militarization and rampant unnecessary-assholery of American cops, though I don’t think Kessler has any solution.
opiejeanne
@Another Bot Splainer: I did, and I do
BGinCHI
@johnny aquitard: This is how you can tell Steve King is jealous of the calf muscles of Mexican immigrants. Or is sore that he has to pay so much for pot. Or something.
SiubhanDuinne
@Phil Perspective: But OMG, how I wish Sully lived there. Because Gilberton Sullivan would be pure win.
Amir Khalid
@Kyle:
If anything, Kessler sounds like he’s part of the problem.
feebog
Just guessing here, but I would bet this asshole has no previous law enforcement training or experience. Another guess, he was a participant in the bar brawl, not trying to break it up. And how do you shoot yourself in the hand exactly?
zombie rotten mcdonald
@Mike in NC:
hey now. That’s PANTS-shit-bird.
RSA
In my neck [sic] of the woods, yesterday’s news included this:
Republicans control both houses of the state legislature as well as the governorship, for the first time in over a century. And they’re making up for lost time.
Villago Delenda Est
This guy loves to carry an M-16 to work?
What, is he out of his fucking mind?
I was SOOOOOO happy when I held a billet in which a .45 was the issued weapon, and didn’t have to tote around an M-16. Oh, sure, they look boss, but…having to keep track of it on a 24/7 basis (this is the Army…losing your personal weapon is one of the greatest offenses you can perpetrate) is a royal PITA.
.45 was easy…just slap it in the shoulder holster (US Cavalry store issue) and never worry about it, because it’s conveniently and comfortably on your person at all times.
johnny aquitard
@zombie rotten mcdonald: I like how he credits his ‘training’ for saving him. Which consists of calling mommy and daddy for help. All swagger and toughguy gunplay until the unexpected happens and shit gets real.
Seriously, what the hell is he training for? Oh yea, forgot. The coming Obama socia-list jackbooted blue-helmet roundup of all right-thinking Americans’ guns into FEMA forced reeducation camps while the zombie hordes of big protein-fed dark urban-americans help themselves to their stuff.
You think I’m joking, but with gunnutters it’s pretty much what’s at the core of what they believe.
Those gunnut tactical types, they always seem to be fat and baby-faced. Why is that so?
They got too much belly fat overhanging too short of a pecker, which is why they’re into the tactical shit. They’re compensating.
johnny aquitard
@BGinCHI: I did think his focusing on that particular detail, the calves like cantaloupes, was kinda weird. Wouldn’t be surprised if his repulsion stems from sexual attraction. Be pretty typical gooper then.
furlyfly
Just another gun freak with a small penis. Nothing (literally) to see here.
Jay in Oregon
Now that you mention it, I wonder what other shootings (accidental or non-) that weapon can be tied to.
Citizen_X
Menace 2 Society? O-Dog (being a seriously psychotic character) woulda made short work of this poseur chump.
Ted Nugent libel, er, copyright violation!
MaryRC
Kessler’s a birther, too. The blogger at Bad Fiction has been keeping tabs on him. Kessler met up with Mike Zullo, one of the members of Sheriff Joe Arpaio’s so-called Cold Case Posse dedicated to proving that POTUS’s birth certificate is a fake, and it was love at first sight. When a moron meets a grifter … it’s like magic.
g
“I’ve got better things to do with my time than worry about somebody who’s got a broken taillight. Seriously, I really do.”
Oh? What are those better things? You’re charged with enforcing the law, are you saying you’re doing something else when you’re on the clock?
Fort Geek
@Denny: Hah! He looks like Frank “Ferret-Face” Burns.
Maybe we could send him to Korea.
Paul in KY
I’m just glad this wackos not from Kentucky. I’m sure we have a few like him, though.
Thefix
@Felonius Monk: From someone who used to live nearby and left the first chance I could: 760 people live in Gilberton, all of them white, most of them above or near retirement age. The town has, I think, an auto repair shop and no other busnisses. I don’t see how they have revenue to hire a police chief (and by ‘chief’, he’s probably the only cop in town…last I heard he was a rent-a-cop for some of the local small towns.) I can see why the mayor supports him: either the town likes what he does, or it would be financially impossible to fire him and hire someone competent and sane.
The school board thing is scary, but the population there is rapidly shrinking, and I imagine most of the remaining kids going to the local public school will drop out. No one cares.
BTW, Kessler had quite the juvie record, so I’m astonished he became a cop at all. And he was always a dumbass.