Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

Reality always lies in wait for … Democrats.

The words do not have to be perfect.

Come on, man.

Thanks to your bullshit, we are now under siege.

Is it irresponsible to speculate? It is irresponsible not to.

Consistently wrong since 2002

Let there be snark.

If you tweet it in all caps, that makes it true!

Americans barely caring about Afghanistan is so last month.

Wow, you are pre-disappointed. How surprising.

… riddled with inexplicable and elementary errors of law and fact

Usually wrong but never in doubt

You can’t love your country only when you win.

It may be funny to you motherfucker, but it’s not funny to me.

It’s the corruption, stupid.

I’d like to think you all would remain faithful to me if i ever tried to have some of you killed.

Incompetence, fear, or corruption? why not all three?

No one could have predicted…

Everybody saw this coming.

Damn right I heard that as a threat.

No offense, but this thread hasn’t been about you for quite a while.

If you’re pissed about Biden’s speech, he was talking about you.

Republicans in disarray!

“Jesus paying for the sins of everyone is an insult to those who paid for their own sins.”

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Can’t believe it has been three weeks today since Tunch was butchered in my back yard.

Made some fajitas for one of my fraternity boys who will be living here taking care of my dogs and cat while I am in the People’s Republic, and thought it would be good to have him here for a few hours with Steve.

You?

*** Update ***

This has been my earworm for three damned days:

Mind you, there are far worse ear worms, but I am in day three. Have you ever said a word and thought it doesn’t sound like a word and then said it so many times that you aren’t sure it really is a word? That’s how I am at this point with this song, and I think the riff was stolen/modified Dr. John song was stolen by these guys:

I’ll just leave you with this:

Reader Interactions

124Comments

  1. 1.

    raven

    Finished the Braves winning their 9th straight in 12. Got my football tickets, all is well.

  2. 2.

    Jebediah

    Finally able to go to Trader Joe’s with a car instead of on foot. Makes it easier to spend more money.

  4. 4.

    Litlebritdifrnt

    We had veggie burritos for dinner tonight, turned out really well. Harvested pounds and pounds of Elderberries from some downed branches due to the rain. Making jam tomorrow.

  7. 7.

    Yatsuno

    Re-signed my lease, cleaned my house, and debating food possibilities. Letting $1000 out of my hands hurt a wee bit too.

  8. 8.

    lojasmo

    Drinking wine and watching the second season of Fringe. Looking at back roads to take from Bozeman MT to Yellowstone.

    Looks like Trail Creek Road will be it.

    FYWP lost my nym and email.

  16. 16.

    Jay C

    Not much chez C this eve: brisket burgers and quinoa burgers from Guido’s – with fresh corn from Hadley, MA (not bad at all, but not as good as the Stephentown [NY] corn we get later on: i.e., next week or two).

    And John: still more condolences re Tunch: Three weeks? Boss Steve may be a splendid cat (and there’s little “maybe” about it from your posts), but it must still hurt….

  17. 17.

    Steeplejack

    Doinking around on the computer as per usual with Real Madrid-Everton on TV in the background. Thinking about going out in a bit to get takeout for dinner. Massive inertia vs. I don’t want anything that I actually have on hand.

    This elderly white shut-in thing has its own set of problems.

  27. 27.

    dance around in your bones

    I plan to watch more Orange is the New Black tonight until I fall asleep with the tv on and the laptop still on Balloon Juice and the light on……until I wake up in the wee hours and turn all said appliances off. Soooo embarrassing.

    Luckily, no one notices. Oops! I just spilled the beans!

  28. 28.

    Linda Featheringill

    @shell:

    I think John is an instructor in IT at Bethany College. But I could be wrong.

    On the other hand, Kay once told some union guys in Ohio that John was a short order cook in WV. I like that one, too. :-)

  29. 29.

    RobertDSC-iPhone 4

    First day working part-time at the printing company I’d spent 12 years with. After hitting the skids in early 2010 & eliminating my position, they’ve moved to new digs & have a ginormous amount of work. My old boss contacted me & asked if I could work part time. I said yes & here I am. It’s been 3 years since I’ve done printing but it’s like riding a bicycle, you never forget.

  30. 30.

    Keith G

    Can’t believe it has been three weeks today since Tunch was butchered in my back yard.

    Made some fajitas for one of my fraternity boys

    John, what exactly do you do…for a living I mean? Is it something in IT?

    I am thinking that it might not involve a lot of long form writing that is read by others.

  32. 32.

    BillinGlendaleCA

    @raven:

    Look at that bum over there, man

    Shhhh, don’t tell anyone that ‘I live in a van, down by the river’.

    And, yes I Love LA.

  34. 34.

    Glidwrith

    Finished hanging up a fancy curtain rod above my TV so that I can indulge my hobby of more orchids – without my kittehs making them part of their diet.

  36. 36.

    Interested Observer

    Hey John, does your sister read your blog? Why the repeated mentions of Tunch’s demise as murder, butchering, etc…? Just calling a spade a spade?

  37. 37.

    cathyx

    We all know that the reason that John is home all day long is because he’s a gigolo. They usually work at night, and sometimes need to go to Madison for a gig.

  38. 38.

    gbear

    @BD of MN: In other gay General Mills news, you can still get Lucky Charms in special pride Rainbow editions.I bought a couple boxes. Lucky Charms were already a guilty pleasure of mine.

    A helpful hit while visiting Madison: It is proper etiquette to throw up in the gutter rather than waiting until you get home from a drinking binge.

    P.S. That’s also a helpful hint for house sitters too.

  39. 39.

    geg6

    Just had crab legs, grilled mango and pineapple and wild rice for dinner. Drinking a nice white and considering some almond cake for dessert. Got the Pirate game on, first time I’ve watched them in my home since 1992 or so. First time they’ve deserved it since then.

  40. 40.

    dance around in your bones

    @raven: Gah. I hate prison-industrial complex.

    I believe Cole works in the communication field but beyond that I am not willing to out him. He wants to keep his work and his blog separate (which seems kinda impossible to me, but more power to him!) so we just all need to fixate on his cat pics instead.

    You go , Steve! RIP, Tunch {{{{sob}}}}

  41. 41.

    eemom

    It keeps cracking me up that you’re calling the kitty Steve.

    I mean it’s a fine name of course….just seems so people-ish.

  42. 42.

    PhoenixRising

    My 91.93 year old grandmother fell out of bed yesterday, broke bones and got a shoulder replacement against her specific wishes this morning, while my other side’s family reunion was on at the church supper grounds. So my sister has run my headset out of battery twice since 6am local.

    Also: Post-book-partum depression–is this a thing?

    Last week I put my new book on the open thread and sold 3 copies to y’all, which was cool because the marketing is still in friends & family stage (pre-launch).

    Now I’m finding that I’m just tired, and the idea that I have to kick into gear by Labor Day to sell it…well, thinking about applying a little redneck anxiety medication (rum punch, with a bourbon chaser, and in a lil’ while I’m gonna jump in the pool with my clothes on, in a ‘hey yall watch this’ move).

    Partly to scandalize my grandmaw, who was (seriously) born in a log house her papa built in the holler in WV, and has spent her prim, sober adult life under the delusion that if she’s well-spoken enough nobody will know she’s a hillbilly whose daddy was a bootlegger.

    Bless her heart.

  44. 44.

    cathyx

    Who can afford a gigolo in West By God Virginia?
    Unless Cole’s rates are so low as to be embarrassing.

    That’s why he needs to go out of town every now and then. The pets need food.

  45. 45.

    WereBear

    @PhoenixRising: Also: Post-book-partum depression–is this a thing?

    Totally a thing. It takes a lot of psychic (as in psyche) energy to create something out of nothing. A recovery period is utterly expected.

  46. 46.

    khead

    Tried to post back in Soonergrunt’s thread but apparently it was eated in comments. Still moving. Was looking for lawnmower advice earlier but we got it figured out. Plus, it’s been the week from hell. Blown appliance deliveries, no cable because the line has to be laid…..

    /first world moving problems

  48. 48.

    Short Bus Bully

    Smashing through Accounting and Statistics work. This MBA shit is no joke. Better lead somewhere, because on top of job and family this just might be the death of me…

  49. 49.

    dance around in your bones

    @PhoenixRising: How do we buy your book? I went to your website and couldn’t find where to buy it. Tell us!

    I had a mother-in-law who was from the hills and hollers of Tennessee – her family were bootleggers, too! – she died at 102.

    Apparently bootlegging was a popular activity back in the day. Wonder why?

  50. 50.

    wormtown

    @BD of MN: Way cool! I can be proud of winning the Betty Crocker award for my graduating class in high school (1973) – It was rather embarrassing at the time :). Any other BJ’ers get that award (based on a score you got for taking a test)?

  51. 51.

    Comrade Carter

    “The People’s Republic”, sure. But the real People’s Republic is 90 miles due east, it’s Milwaukee. Having been Democratic at least as long, and actually having some black residents.

  56. 56.

    danielx

    Helping a friend hang cabinets, and trying to keep a straight face when he discovered the cabinet supplier had gotten some of the order wrong.

  58. 58.

    dance around in your bones

    @PhoenixRising: Thanks, just bought it.

    Seriously, I searched all over your website and couldn’t find a link – of course, now that you said “book” I see it now. You might want to make it more prominent somehow – like, HERE IS WHERE YOU BUY MY BOOK! :)

  59. 59.

    Felonius Monk

    @dance around in your bones:

    You go , Steve! RIP, Tunch {{{{sob}}}}

    I will second these emotions!

    And Mr. Cole: I find the juxtaposition of these two statements in your post to be both curious and troubling.

    Can’t believe it has been three weeks today since Tunch was butchered . . .
    Made some fajitas for one of my fraternity boys

    John. Is there something you’re not telling us? I certainly hope this was just unfortunate phrasing and not an indication of a deeper psychological problem.

  61. 61.

    burnspbesq

    Flying cross-country for the first time since I bailed from BigLaw tomorrow. Not looking forward to it. I can dimly remember when flying was somewhat enjoyable. Now it just sucks.

  62. 62.

    Eric

    @lojasmo: Just found this show and i hooked. Had to force myself out of house. Still in first season. No spoilers please. Love this show

  63. 63.

    trollhattan

    Bachelor night so an opportunity to crank the two-channel system–David Lindley and El Rayo X el pee at the moment. It’s simply not possible to be in a bad mood after listening to him. Time to rustle up some grub.

  65. 65.

    goblue72

    The missus slept in this morning allowing me to finally finish detective noir meets fantasy genre mash nerd novel I was reading. Hit the U-District farmer’s market. Currently canning pickles and dilly beans. To be followed by canning blackberries & raspberries in vanilla-tarragon syrup. And possibly making cherry jam. (its summer in Seattle – gotta build the food hoard for the greys of winter). If we got any gas left, painting the bedroom.

    The joys of domesticity and homeownership. On the other hand, we got stoned off our butts and caught up on Dexter & Newsroom last night – and there may have been some nookie. So I’m calling it a middle-aged win.

  66. 66.

    jenn

    @gbear: Actually, General Mills is one of the companies I go out of my way to support – they’re evidently very supportive of their employees, too, and among other things, believe that great employees need time off to remain great. So this is icing on the cake – and I actually started to write that saying before I realized how apropos it was!

  68. 68.

    dance around in your bones

    @Felonius Monk: Tunch fajitas? Perish the thought!

    I love that JC was able to adopt a new cat so quickly and, though I , like eemom, think Steve is kind of a goofy name, wish Steve and John G Cole all the best in their lives together.

    I was out walking today and saw a Maine Coon huddled behind the wall of a house…..I said “Hello, kitty!” and the cat looked at me for as long as I walked by. It was a beautiful cat but I didn’t know if it belonged to somebody or what? So I walked on by.

    I feel guilty as hell.

  70. 70.

    trollhattan

    @PhoenixRising:
    [fywp borking editing function]
    ETA, crawling up the thread and so must send best wishes to grandma and now understand the milk: “it’s for the bones.”

  71. 71.

    jenn

    @JoyceH: Honestly, how do you not spend every waking moment squishing on that face! So cute. On your work topic, tho, any more winery mysteries coming out?

  73. 73.

    Southern Beale

    @dance around in your bones:

    Funny, on my morning jog today a gorgeous gray cat came out of my neighbors’ hedge and would NOT leave me alone. Really playful and sweet, and even though the street isn’t busy I was still worried he might get hit. He let me pick him up and carry him back to the hedge and everything. He was so affectionate.

    Looked healthy but I didn’t know if I should take him home or what? So I took his picture with my iPhone and sent it out to some neighbors … turns out he belongs to the house where I found him, a new cat for them. I hope they keep him indoors more, though!

    But anyway, he was already home, just out exploring. So maybe your Maine Coon was home as well.

  74. 74.

    trollhattan

    @jenn:

    I remember some douche last year, protestin’ in front of a General Mills factory re. their gheyer than ghey policies (IIRC) by trying to set some Cheerios on fire, and it not going well. So yeah, if they’re attracting such heartfelt Freedom bangers, then they’re doing something right.

  75. 75.

    dance around in your bones

    @Southern Beale:

    Well, that’s what I thought as well. The cat was so close to the back wall of the house, and while it looked interested in a human who talked to him/her, I had no idea if it was attached to that house or not.

    I have in the past found/adopted kitties who were clearly not being cared for, but this one looked healthy and fit. I’d hate to hijack someone’s beloved kitty!

    eta: I’ll prolly walk by that area again tomorrow and keep an eye out for that kitty. Even though our Goldie might object.

  76. 76.

    Suzanne

    We are potty-training the baby (who is a little kid, not a baby) by letting her run around the living room bare-assed with the potty prominently displayed in the middle of the floor. She is currently sitting on it while watching the PBSKids app on the iPad. WHAT A LIFE.

  77. 77.

    Felonius Monk

    @dance around in your bones:

    I feel guilty as hell.

    It’s hard not to feel guilty, but unfortunately we can’t rescue/save every one. Been down that road a few times only to have the vet say the cat is too diseased and should be put down. Heartbreaking when it happens that way.

    Steve is a lucky cat — perhaps Steve is just short for Stevedore – a manly name if there ever was one. :)

  79. 79.

    JoyceH

    @jenn:

    On your work topic, tho, any more winery mysteries coming out?

    My work in progress (or NOT in progress, to be more accurate) is a Regency romance. It stalled out a couple months ago, and I’m hoping to get it going again soon.

  81. 81.

    dance around in your bones

    @Felonius Monk:

    It’s hard not to feel guilty, but unfortunately we can’t rescue/save every one.

    Boy, do I know that! I was out on a walk once, and heard this piteous meowing from under a bush. I steeled myself and walked on by, but the piteous meowing kept up.

    I walked back, and found this tiny little white kitty with huge blue eyes cowering under the bush. I just couldn’t leave her there all alone. Carried her back on my shoulder and gave her a bath at my house out in the sun – she was riddled with fleas – anyway, she lived with me for years.

    Sometimes you just know it’s the right thing to do. Sometimes you’re not quite sure. That’s how I felt today – not quite sure.

  82. 82.

    Felonius Monk

    @Suzanne:

    by letting her run around the living room bare-assed with the potty prominently displayed in the middle of the floor.

    Old story. Grandparents are baby-sitting and some friends drop in for a visit. Grandfather starts bragging how the grandson at this early age is already potty trained. So, to show off to his friends he tells the kid to get his potty chair and set it in the middle of the living room and use it.

    Kid brings out the potty-chair, climbs aboard, and takes a dump. The visitors start laughing like crazy. Unfortunately, Grandpa forgot to make sure that the potty was in place so the kid took a dump right on the living room rug.

    Here’s hoping that you do not have a similar experience.

  84. 84.

    jenn

    @trollhattan: Yeah, I vaguely remember that, too. And wasn’t there some stink lately about Cheerios getting boycotted by racists for showing non-white people in their commercials? I can’t remember exactly how that story went.

    @JoyceH: Good luck! I’ve got a manuscript I’m not working on, too. :^)

  85. 85.

    gbear

    @trollhattan: Here’s the video of the guy burning a box of Cheerios on General Mills front lawn to protest their homosexual agenda. It goes very badly and even the kids that are filming him start laughing. I can’t believe he even posted it; it makes him look like such a fool. He died a short while later of a massive heart attack.

  87. 87.

    Suzanne

    @PhoenixRising: We reward her by letting her wear her PPP—Pretty Princess Panties. She’s doing okay at it. She’s doing OK with #1, but she doesn’t have the hang of telling us that she needs to poop BEFORE pooping. She tells us mid-crap.

    @Felonius Monk: We’ve had two experiences so far in which we rushed her to the potty and she crapped on the floor during the transfer to the potty. I swear, I still don’t understand how little people can make so much poop.

  90. 90.

    Pogonip

    A beautiful calico has been hanging around my porch. I thought she was completely feral but after a few days of exchanging cat courtesies, blinks and look-aways, I am hopeful that it’s coming back to her what some previous life as a pet was like.

    I’ll never forget the lost cat who eyed me warily and, when I blinked, ran over rubbing and purring in an ecstasy of relief, like she was lost in the Amazon and had encountered somebody who spoke English. Unfortunately for us, we found her owner. I’d have liked to keep that one.

  91. 91.

    JoyceH

    I’ve been putting food out on my deck for a pale orange cat that’s been hanging around. I’m not even sure it’s a stray, but thought it looked kinda thin. And since I don’t know whether or not it’s male or female, I call it “Ashley”, which can go either way.

  94. 94.

    jurassicpork

    Please pass along even if you can’t help. But, seriously, we’re in deep shit.

    As for Tunch, OMFG. I know this is three week’s too late. I Googled the original post from July 13 but comments are closed. Jesus, John, I am so sorry. In the last few years, I’d lost two cats, both Daddy’s girls, real sweeties (in fact, the later one was named Sweetie, for good reason) and both times I cried for days. Funny thing is, I’m not even a cat but a dog person. But to me, all animals are sacred and when they gently invade your heart, it doesn’t matter what species they are. Still, we keep believing in the Rainbow Bridge like Christians persist in believing in heaven and that reunion is what keeps us going in the beginning of the grief process. I refuse to even think of what Barb and I will go through when Popeye’s turn comes. Luckily for us, he’s still young, sassy, healthy and eats us out of house and home.

  96. 96.

    dance around in your bones

    I have LOOKED at a word so many times that it has become incomprehensible to me. I don’t know why.

    Ate ahi tonight with soy and wasabi and just about died of pleasure. A bit of jasmine rice to accompany. Y’all just salivate, ok?

  97. 97.

    YellowJournalism

    Going to see “Pacific Rim” tonight. Date night while the kids are in Washington being spoiled by the grandparents!

  98. 98.

    Bob In Portland

    As I’ve mentioned in other ear worm threads, I got one that was a medley of “Hurdy Gurdy Man” and “The Rain, The Park and Other Things”. The two songs would bounce back and forth, one getting control and then the other grabbing at the lobes.

    I love the flower girl, the crying of humanity…

  101. 101.

    dance around in your bones

    @Suzanne: Suzanne, I’ve got a not quite 3 yr old grandkid who – when he feels the need to poop – goes into his room, pulls out a diaper and puts it on by his ownself. He gets this concentrated grunt kind of face and produces his …. poop.

    I’ve told him a bazillion times that if he’s old enough to recognize that he has to poop, and can put his own diaper on by himself, he’s ready to sit on the potty chair.

    He’s not convinced yet. I guess they just all do it when they are ready, little fuckers.

  103. 103.

    Yatsuno

    Fuck. You. Word. Press.

    @dance around in your bones:

    Ate ahi tonight with soy and wasabi and just about died of pleasure

    You should come up this way and sample that sometime. We got lots of world class Japanese chefs that do really fantastic things with fresh/raw seafood.

    Hell you should just come up this way anyway. We’ll throw ya a great get-together and just show you an all-around good time!

  104. 104.

    dance around in your bones

    @currants: I’ve had it happen with words like ‘maybe’. Just suddenly incomprehensible.

    Maybe IS an awfully weird word.

    @Yatsuno: Oow, I would love to impose on you. I have a best friend who lives in the general area, so maybe (there’s that word again!) it could happen!

  105. 105.

    KG

    At my local watering hole, watching what has been a rather terrible ufc card. Rest of the day was: got tickets to the rampage-Ortiz fight (which feels like it’s happening at least seven years too late, but whatever), had my cousin stop by for a visit (haven’t seen him in years and can’t accept that he’s 24), got a hair cut, and went to a crawfish festival (gotta love long beach)… It’s been a good day

  106. 106.

    kideni

    Well, since you’re coming to Madison, John, we’ve been tidying up the city since we know how you are.

  107. 107.

    suzanne

    @dance around in your bones: Lord have mercy. Little tyrants they are. The other day, while visiting Grandma, she crapped in her diaper, grabbed Grammie’s hand, led Her to her room, climbed up on the bed, and lay back and put in her legs on the air. IF IT FELT SO GROSS TO HAVE CRAP ON YOU, THEN PUT IT IN THE CRAPPER. That’s why we call it that!

  108. 108.

    KG

    I would just like to say, after reading the latest direction of this open thread… I’m kinda glad I don’t have my own little ones

  109. 109.

    Calming Influence

    I’m going to open a big can of albacore, split it between the 3 cats, and while they eat I’ll tell them the story of Tunch the Magnificent. Then I’m going to pet them for a couple of hours.

  110. 110.

    dance around in your bones

    @suzanne: No shit – hahahaha!

    The 2nd grandkid went through the same “I need a diaper to poop!!” thing – but finally grew out of it. So I’m guessing/hoping that number three will do the same thing.

    The good thing is that in the last couple of weeks they’ve all been weaned off the bottle (apple juice and water). Their mom just told them the babas were all broken.

    Reminds me of one of my best friends whose kid threw his bottle out of the window while they were driving down the freeway? And she just said, “Oh well, your bottle is gone forever”. And it was.

    Fucking kids. I never thought I’d be dealing with this at my age.

  111. 111.

    PurpleGirl

    @jenn & trollhattan:

    I’ve recently seen two Cherios commercials which had mixed couples and little kids bringing Cherios to the father. Maybe those are the commercials being protested.

  113. 113.

    different-church-lady

    Honest to god, right this second on the front page of wikipedia: the first item on the right side “In the news” section is, “Former U.S. intelligence contractor Edward Snowden (pictured) is granted temporary asylum in Russia.” And the first item in the left side Featured Article section is, “Tintin in the Land of the Soviets (original French: Tintin au pays des Soviets) is the first volume of The Adventures of Tintin (Les Aventures de Tintin), the comics series by Belgian cartoonist Hergé.”

    ETA: screen cap here

  115. 115.

    dance around in your bones

    @Paddy: That was funny.

    My cats always used to sit in the suitcase when I was packing. They knew, somehow, that I was leaving.

  119. 119.

    gbear

    @Yatsuno: I’m being drawn to it like a MN moth to flame. I watched the whole thing twice and it’s kind of the Springtime For Hitler of travelogues. At the chorus, he runs the lyrics on the screen and actually uses the spelling ‘e – tern – i – ty’. It’s really right up there with the theme song from ‘Santa Claus Conquers The Martians’. Wow.

  120. 120.

    Anne Laurie

    @efgoldman:

    Unless Cole’s rates are so low as to be embarrassing.

    His mad housecleaning skills are what really woos the ladies. Finally, an explanation for the naked mopping!

  121. 121.

    Anne Laurie

    @Suzanne: Comedian Lenny Clarke had a brief-lived tv show. In one episode, Lenny’s doing some bathroom renovation, Granpa walks in mid-installation and announces “A terlet in front a’ the teevee — it’s an old man’s dream!”

Comments are closed.