Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

if you can’t see it, then you are useless in the fight to stop it.

Republicans: slavery is when you own me. freedom is when I own you.

The revolution will be supervised.

Battle won, war still ongoing.

Impressively dumb. Congratulations.

Republicans do not pay their debts.

Pessimism assures that nothing of any importance will change.

Come on, media. you have one job. start doing it.

Meanwhile over at truth Social, the former president is busy confessing to crimes.

Today’s GOP: why go just far enough when too far is right there?

A thin legal pretext to veneer over their personal religious and political desires

This year has been the longest three days of putin’s life.

Optimism opens the door to great things.

I’m pretty sure there’s only one Jack Smith.

When do the post office & the dmv weigh in on the wuhan virus?

Putin must be throwing ketchup at the walls.

And we’re all out of bubblegum.

… riddled with inexplicable and elementary errors of law and fact

So it was an October Surprise A Day, like an Advent calendar but for crime.

Tick tock motherfuckers!

Prediction: the GOP will rethink its strategy of boycotting future committees.

Fuck the extremist election deniers. What’s money for if not for keeping them out of office?

Something needs to be done about our bogus SCOTUS.

Putin dreamed of ending NATO, and now it’s Finnish-ed.

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Reader Interactions

122Comments

  1. 1.

    ruemara

    I’m thinking you just need to man up and find a competent Dom for your pain infliction needs. QUIT WATCHING CNN!

  2. 2.

    pat

    So you didn’t bother to read the previous thread and all the recommendations to NOT TURN ON CNN.

    Only yourself to blame.

  4. 4.

    max

    Got back from dinner and Piers Morgan is interviewing Amy Holmes on CNN. When I left for dinner it was SE Cupp and Van Jones previewing their Crossfire.

    I’d rather switch over to the guy with the beard who yells in the infomercials*.

    Jesus Christ, CNN. Sherman was right.

    Sherman didn’t burn near enough shit down.

    Remember: turn if off. If you ‘accidentally’ turn it on, stop watching. IT WORKS! REALLY!

    max
    [‘You won’t anything worth seeing. You will miss things worth missing.’]

    * I’d rather drive a pencil through my hand than watch an infomercial.

  5. 5.

    Karen C

    You need to start watching HGTV- I am actually not kidding, watching people choose between three houses to buy is oddly soothing. Rooting for you.

  7. 7.

    RaflW

    @Karen C: I love HGTV. When I’m done with blood sport politics for the day, Property Brothers or Income Property is my perfect no-conflict zone-out.

  10. 10.

    Tone in DC

    You actually sat through more than 0.0005 seconds of SE (aka Sippy) Cupp? That’ll turn the brains of most people into tapioca.

    Sherman just needed more time and more matches.

  11. 11.

    Howard Beale IV

    There is no reason, whatsoever to watch cable/network news. None. Zero. Zilch.

    You’re better off listening to BBC World Service than the cesspool that is cable news. And I’m saying this as someone who can record 4 simultaneous cable feeds and 2 OTA feeds.

    You’d do much better with BBC World Service, Deutsche Welle’s English feed, and even RT (even though they’re in Putin’s back pocket).

  12. 12.

    Haydnseek

    John, John, John……if you’re serious about getting sober, don’t expose yourself to this shit. Stress isn’t good when you’re trying to kick. I know from experience. Skritch Steve, pet Rosie and Lily. Listen to music. Read. Rediscover yourself. Breathe. Talk to your folks. Know that you are loved, and have the desire to give unlimited love in return. I’m still under the influence of your previous post. I was late to it, but I still wanted to say this.

  13. 13.

    raven

    @Karen C: Sherman didn’t do anything any other competent military leader would have done. You don’t want your shit fucked up don’t start a war.

  14. 14.

    The Other Chuck

    DirecTV is running a promo of a channel called DogTV. It’s TV for dogs — basically just continuous shots of dogs, sitting around, walking around, playing, whatever. But it’s awesomely hypnotic for humans. My GF has taken to recording it.

  15. 15.

    Suffern ACE

    Ok. I know you’re in a hotel in a strange city, but don’t they get Boom on that cable box? A few episodes of captain caveman you could use.

  18. 18.

    YellowJournalism

    @Karen C: You’re kidding me. The people on House Hunters are some of the most annoying, spoiled douchebags on the planet. Of course, the rest are on CNN and Fox…

    (Pretty sure John posted a rant about the idiots on an episode of House Hunters or Property Virgins a long time back.)

    If I’m going soothing, I turn to The do-it-yourself kind of shows like Disaster Decks or Disaster DIY, mostly because I get a good laugh at the expense of the hapless home handymen and women. Income Property is good, though.

  20. 20.

    Southern Beale

    Yeah I never watch CNN anymore. Well, we taped a couple episodes of that Anthony Bourdain show but half the damn time they were pre-empted by “breaking news” so we gave up.

  22. 22.

    T. Scheisskopf

    To me, NHRA Drag Racing on ESPN 2 and Pass Time on Speed Channel tells me all I need to know on a daily basis about this nation.

    The occasional fishing show rounds things out quite nicely.

    The closest I get to news regarding this nation is the endless zombie movies, which are quite accurate depictions of our national state of affairs.

  23. 23.

    Comrade Dread

    Look, man, I’m not your sponsor or anything, but seriously, turn on your Netflix, find something else to watch. There’s too many good movies and TV shows out there to waste your time and tempt your brain to self-medicate with CNN.

  24. 24.

    kindness

    Ha. John’s been reading Charles Pierce’s military poster. He was talking about Sherman today.

    Honestly though, SE Cupp is an idiot. She couldn’t have gotten any job on her brains. Hmmm, let me see…what would prompt someone to hire her? Hmmm.

  25. 25.

    Emma

    Again. Reinforcing what everyone else has said. STOP IT!

    BBC radio has channels galore. From all news to all indie music, passing through classic Dr. Who and mystery serials and fanfuckingtastic science and literature stuff.

    bbc.co.uk/radio

  26. 26.

    Mike in NC

    Saw an interesting recipe for Martini Pork Chops on The Food Network. Pan fry them with shallottes and dry vermouth and butter.

  27. 27.

    NotMax

    C-SPAN, when Congress not in session, always a good bet for watching things like today’s Obama event.

  30. 30.

    kindness

    @raven:

    You don’t want your shit fucked up don’t start a war.

    C’mon raven, Karen didn’t start the war. Be nice.

  33. 33.

    Southern Beale

    We were out late last night. Went to see Kathy Griffin and then went out for drinks afterwards with friends. Didn’t get home ’til midnight which for me on a school night is waaaay late. I get up at 5:15 am. So needless to say, I’m hitting the sack.

  35. 35.

    Pinkamena Panic

    @Roger Moore: OOH! This! Thiiiisss! A little Pinkie Pie will fix you right up!

    Anyhow, c’mon, CNN is run by Jeff fucking Zucker. And when you think Jeff Zucker, you should remember only one phrase: Falling Upward.

  36. 36.

    Hal

    Oh, and on the subject of drinking: I would highly recommend Caroline Knapp’s Drinking a Love Story. It’s a great read and her description of her love for drinking is poetic. The way she describes her love affair with alcohol is beautiful and honest. And no, it’s not self help. Just purely biographical.

  37. 37.

    Suffern ACE

    Well, ever since I searched for “national underwear day” (it was August 5th in case you missed it), I must say the ads around this joint have taken a turn for the better.

  39. 39.

    karen marie

    @Karen C: That’s what I watch! I gave up all TV news (cable and otherwise) back in 2004. I highly recommend it.

    John Cole – STEP AWAY FROM TEH CABLE NEWS! It’s literally enough to make a person sick.

  43. 43.

    Schlemizel

    @pat:

    In case anyone had some doubt let me fix that for ya:
    So you didn’t bother to read the previous thread and all the recommendations to DO NOT TURN ON CNN.

  44. 44.

    BillinGlendaleCA

    @Mike in NC: Not sure, but she’s gone. Abbey Huntsman’s her replacement, easier on the eyes(thought not my type) and mildly intelligent. However, she does seem to use the same tanning salon as Johnny Bones.

  45. 45.

    Suffern ACE

    I will join the choir of the folks who say they are happier since giving up cable news. When I took a vacation in March, I kicked the habit. The only time I tuned in since was during the chase for the Boston bombers. And since the networks got that story messed up in real time (with all those “sources close to the investigation) I figure it doesn’t pay to listen in.

    When I was in Wisconsin last week, I had to sit through broadcast news with my folks, and it seemed like an awful lot of time was devoted to scaring people about al quaeda chatter that didn’t seem to matter to anyone in Milwaukee planning a trip to the state fair. So fuck that, too.

    The news right now is devoted to the proposition that you are in trouble and if you think you aren’t, they’ll convince you of that. You may indeed be in trouble, but there are more trustworthy ways to find that our than John Stossel and Chuck Todd.

  46. 46.

    hamletta

    @? Martin: Holy shit! I remember a scandal in the late ’70s where there was a shadow in a men’s underwear pic that suggested errant junk.

    Sears is now selling quasi-bondage attire? How far we’ve come as a nation.

  50. 50.

    The Other Chuck

    @? Martin: I really love that it’s sold under the “Elegant Moments” label.

    mmmyeah, “elegance” is not the first word that comes to mind. That is definitely not the Softer Side of Sears.

  52. 52.

    Luci

    You know… I’m pretty sure that cooking shows would be MUCH more soothing than cable news John! I mean… you LIKE to cook, and if you get into it, cooking is soothing, and it will help keep your blood pressure at a manageable level. ;) But…. even if you don’t DO the cooking, watching it can be great! Otherwise… the other posters here have it all covered with good suggestions. :)

  53. 53.

    The Moar You Know

    Off cable news since 2002. I no longer spend my life shivering in terror.

    It wasn’t the “news”, that’s always been largely bullshit, it was the willing idiots pumping out the propaganda that scared me.

  54. 54.

    Jane2

    The 24-hour cable news wurlitzer feeds the likes of Eric Cantor and John McCain, and makes stars out of the likes of Casey Anthony. A cable news-free house, which mine, save for a few months in 2011, is a great thing. Your world view won’t be distorted by nonsense.

  60. 60.

    Sandia Blanca

    I’ll bet there’s a bookstore in Madison that has a copy of War and Peace you could buy.

  61. 61.

    Stan

    I don’t have cable, I only have the internets. But I know how easy it is to become discouraged.

    You’ve created an amazing resource here at Balloon Juice, and it’s become my go-to place for a sensible but not oh-so-disengaged take on all the shit that’s going on. The range of voices here, the breadth of experience, and the striving for genuine community is simply unequalled.

    Don’t let the incessant flood of bullshit get you down. What you and the community you’ve created here are doing matters. Who knows how much… is it a butterfly’s wing or a hurricane? In the end it doesn’t matter as long as it help tips the scale the right way. Maybe it’s just me, but I think it will.

    S

  63. 63.

    JGabriel

    Suffern ACE:

    Well, ever since I searched for “national underwear day” (it was August 5th in case you missed it), I must say the ads around this joint have taken a turn for the better.

    Every time I see an ad, I regret having once searched the internet for “anal polyps”.

  64. 64.

    Jim, Foolish Literalist

    Thank god MSNBC has innovative, insightful thinkers like WaPo’s Chris Cillizza

    Jonathan Chait ‏@ jonathanchait 9h
    You realize >50% of all Obama questions are this MT @ TheFix: Q I would ask Obama: Do you need to figure out a way to work with Boehner?

  65. 65.

    Jim, Foolish Literalist

    @JGabriel: Every time I see an ad, I regret having once searched the internet for “anal polyps”.

    In Search of Reagan’s Brain?

  66. 66.

    Ayn Randy

    Sippy Cupp understands that she’s the most attractive female the right has and plays this up to a comical degree. It’s as shameless as anything Generic Congressman Kochhead does.

  67. 67.

    Keith P

    CNN is so much worse when there’s a trial going on. When they’re not showing the trial, they’re either talking about it or running panels and/or specials on it. Jody Arias was pretty bad (I mean, who the hell was she, and why was her case national news?), and then they followed it with the Zimmerman trial. Now they’ve got poor Anderson Cooper running these trial panels, where he has to spend an hour trying to come up with questions to ask people about it.

  69. 69.

    BruceFromOhio

    @Mike in NC: That could be used for damned near any animal protein. (salivates)

    ETA: Unless there is some major event unfolding, cable news is effectively worthless as a source of information. The sole exception is Rachel Maddow. The Food/HGTV/Speed suggestions are all valid and should be investigated.

  71. 71.

    dance around in your bones

    I used to watch cable news rather religiously (ok, I was living in Baja and only got CNN, MSNBC and CurrentTV so I was starved for news) but in the last couple of years I have just slowly given it up. Wolf Blitzer just makes me gag and I can only take Rachel once in a while (I used to watch her all the time) and find Lawrence O’Donnell a bit insufferable. Rev, Al I can take in small doses.

    But what I find is that I can keep current on the news on the Internet and most of the stuff I care about is covered on Balloon Juice – and in a way that is far more palatable than MSM news. And funny, too.

    That’s where TDS (and I am enjoying John Oliver MUCH more than Jon Stewart) and The Colbert Report very handy – all the news you need, and funny, too. Life is too short to go around all angsty all the time. Laugh! Live! Love!

  72. 72.

    Chris

    @Karen C:

    Unless there’s some snark I’m missing here… you’re being ridiculous. You weren’t alive for that. No one you know was alive for that. It’s not something that you’re suffering the aftereffects from in the sense that, say, black people are still impacted by the several hundred years of slavery and segregation. In terms of how much traumatic effect it could have inflicted on your personal life, we might as well be talking Julius Caesar at Alesia.

    If you’re saying that you find scorched-earth warfare disgusting in general, I have absolutely zero problem with that. But for fuck’s sake don’t insert a personal context that’s just not there.

  73. 73.

    Violet

    @kindness:

    Honestly though, SE Cupp is an idiot. She couldn’t have gotten any job on her brains. Hmmm, let me see…what would prompt someone to hire her? Hmmm.

    Is she considered attractive? I know I’m not the target demo, but to me she seems to have average looks and an off-putting combination of shrillness and condescension that makes her anything but attractive.

  76. 76.

    mclaren

    If that fish was swimming in the radioactive runoff water from Fukushima, it’ll give you a healthy glow.

  77. 77.

    Omnes Omnibus

    @Chris: Fun bar game in Atlanta: Walk into an old bar, comment about age of bar, wait for a reply indicating an Antebellum origin, then ask if Sherman stopped there for matches.

  78. 78.

    Ruckus

    John
    Shut Off The Fucking Cable TV News and sit in the dark.
    Your life will be better, your sanity level higher, your blood pressure will be lower and you will lower the chance of having your brain turned to mush by the stupid.

  80. 80.

    Omnes Omnibus

    @Punchy:

    I must be a terrible libtard because, aside from PM, I dont know who any of those people are.

    No, you are simply lucky or blessed or something along those lines.

  82. 82.

    NotMax

    @Punchy

    S.E. Cupp is the conservative bimbo yammering head du jour.

    As opposed to Krystal Ball, who is the liberal bimbo yammering head du jour.

    Think six-inch fingernails scraped across a blackboard, from both the left and right hands.

  83. 83.

    dww44

    @dance around in your bones: While I confess to watching Hayes and Maddow and the Saturday morning shows on MSNBC, I tune into the Colbert and Daily Show rebroadcasts at 7 p.m. For the last few nights, John Oliver has been on a really bitingly funny progressive roll and he has absolutely no qualms about letting his very left opinions fly. He deserves a show of his own. A refreshing change from Stewart’s efforts to be all Mr. Middle in his opening routines, and a sycophant with his guests.

  84. 84.

    PurpleGirl

    @Violet: Does she have big boobs? No, really. I don’t what she looks like as I don’t watch any cable news or talk shows and I don’t watch broadcast news or talk shows outside of New York 1 for local NYC news and weather and the occasional feature.

  87. 87.

    coin operated

    You have eleventy bazillion channels of projectile-vomit-inducing entertainment with your cable / dish provider, and you choose CNN? As someone upstream said…if you/re going to keep watching this shit its time for you to man up and get yourself a good dom.

  88. 88.

    centerfielddj

    John, you amuse us with your descriptions of your CNN torture. Self-inflicted as it is. Take it easy, one day at a time, etcetera etcetera. Don’t drink.

    Lord, though, speaking of torture: last week I flicked past that mid-day clusterfuck that MSNBC broadcasts with all the young-uns, saw that Sippy Cupp was absent, and thought, “Oh thank god they took her off my teevee.” Now you tell me she failed up? Damn…

  89. 89.

    ? Martin

    Well, if they have this right, here’s the next lawsuit:

    WASHINGTON — The Social Security Administration is limiting payment of claims for same-sex married couples currently to those couples who were married in a state the allows same-sex couples to marry and are “domiciled,” or live, in a state that recognizes same-sex couples’ marriages.

    So, the federal government will treat claimants differently simply based on where they live.

  92. 92.

    James E. Powell

    @Violet:

    I know I’m not the target demo, but to me she seems to have average looks and an off-putting combination of shrillness and condescension that makes her anything but attractive.

    I try to avoid talking about people, especially women, as good looking or not good looking. It’s a distraction. But it is fair and sometimes useful to consider any TV person’s look; almost nothing we see on TV is an accident.

    Cupp’s glasses are like George Will’s bow-tie. And affectation designed to project something that is totally lacking in the Republican world. In Will’s case, the bow-tie is to suggest intellectual heft that isn’t really there. In Cupp’s case, her hipster look is an attempt to reach out to the children of the upper middle class demographic that the Republicans completely lost with its strident hatred of non-whites, non-Christians, gays/lesbians, and other culture issues.

  93. 93.

    hamletta

    fuck this fucking shit: My landlord texted me 10 days ago thinking he can get me outta the house I’ve lived in for 22 years.

    Fuck you, you fucking fuck.

  95. 95.

    Suffern ACE

    @James E. Powell: I thought the now tie said “my conservatism is from the time women knew better than to wear pants.” If in 1984 he wanted to be intellectually hefty, he would have had a pipe.

    Good god. We really have had to put up with that style for 35 years.

  99. 99.

    Suzanne

    @James E. Powell: Are glasses a hipster thing? I mean, I know some frames are meant to be more fashionable than others, but when Caribou Barbie burst onto the scene, no one really seemed to comment on a “hipster” look for her. Sippy Cupp’s look is more in that model than a hipster douchebag look.

    Of course, I bought these hipster glasses this year, as I am a hipster douchebag.

  100. 100.

    Little Boots

    hamletta, nobody should have the right to kick you out of your home.

    can you fight this thing?

  101. 101.

    Enhanced Voting Techniques

    @NotMax: Both Cuppa and Ball look like they were selected for just their looks. Presumably “pretty/ non threatening” since it seems CNN is going from the 60+ woman demographic.

  102. 102.

    seaboogie

    @hamletta: Hamletta, olive branch to you – and I totally remember that! In my mind it was page 602, but the catalog couldn’t have had that many pages. However, I remember babysitting (in WI) and calling up my other babysitting friends (we would have been 13/14) while we thumbed thru the Sears catalog that was in every home, and dishing on all of the guys in the catalog – especially the underwear ads, and that notorious page – thanks for the memory! Sears catalog in the 70’s = midwest pr0n. Oh Hells Bells – it really WAS page 602 – here’s a link: http://www.snopes.com/business/hidden/sears.asp

    All the stuff my brain forgets now, and it remembers page 602 of the Sears catalog from when I was 14.

  104. 104.

    David Koch

    @NotMax:

    Krystal Ball, who is the liberal bimbo yammering head du jour.

    Rush called, he says he wants is demeaning sexist attacks on women back.

    does anyone call Ari Melber a yammering bimbo. of course not. but there’s always a war on women — even by liberals.

  107. 107.

    Roger Moore

    @hamletta:

    My landlord texted me 10 days ago thinking he can get me outta the house I’ve lived in for 22 years.

    Check and see what your legal rights are. Some places- usually in socialist, left-wing hellholes- actually give tenants substantial rights. A good friend was able to fight various landlord attempts to get rid of her through three different owners.

  109. 109.

    Roger Moore

    @Suzanne:

    Are glasses a hipster thing?

    Some styles are. Hers look like they have non-corrective lenses- the lines of her face aren’t refracted by the glasses, which says they don’t have any correction- which is a hipsterish thing. It sure says style above substance to me, which is today’s conservatism in a nutshell.

  111. 111.

    BillinGlendaleCA

    @David Koch: One thing about Krystal Ball is that she’s walked the walk. One of the reasons she’s on MSNBC is she ran for Congress; lost but still ran. Then again, I doubt her appearance or her name hurt her. One person that I’ve heard about here is Jennifer Rubin, never knew who she was until I saw here on a MSNBC show, a face made for print.

  115. 115.

    Little Boots

    so, omnes, givven how brilliant I am, why no love for me, and so much love for you.

    be honest.

  117. 117.

    Little Boots

    johnny, you know what would be awesome.

    if you showed up and said, stop this crap!

    that would be awesome

  118. 118.

    Fort Geek

    @Violet:

    Is she considered attractive? I know I’m not the target demo, but to me she seems to have average looks and an off-putting combination of shrillness and condescension that makes her anything but attractive.

    I’ve seen her a few times in small doses. As part of the target demo (guys), I have to say she’s just not interesting. It’s hard to swing condescension when one lacks the brains to give it any heft.

    Mind you, my standard for hotness is Amy Mainzer at the Jet Propulsion Laboratory. Sippy Cupp runneth under.

  121. 121.

    Ahh says fywp

    Krystal Ball is a dip? Sure, she mostly does talking points but she does it very well. Shes also a very articulate spokesperson for the experiences and values of non-wealthy female Democrats. Her background was anything but privileged, unlike Cupp.

    Yall must be letting that shiny lipstick distraxt you from what she actually says. Michael Steele was a very articulate and personable spokes-country clubber for the GOP, and nobody called him a himbo even after those silly pix and websites he did with RNC interns or the pseudo-bondage strip joint trip.

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