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You are here: Home / Open Threads / Bad Dog, Terror & Open Thread

Bad Dog, Terror & Open Thread

by Betty Cracker|  August 17, 201311:22 am| 179 Comments

This post is in: Open Threads

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mugshotz2 - Copy

The above-pictured dog, Patsy Marie, is the sweetest critter ever, but she has an awful habit: She won’t allow us to sleep in on the weekends. We shut the dogs out of our bedroom almost always because, when we don’t, the humans end up clinging to two five-inch strips of mattress on either edge while the dogs loll and sprawl luxuriously in the middle.

Weekdays, I get up at 5:18 AM, make coffee, make breakfast, pack lunches and then take the dogs for a walk, generally leaving the house just before 6:00 AM. On weekends, I’d love to enjoy the unimaginable indolence of sleeping until 6:30 — or even 7:00 AM!

But Patsy Marie won’t allow it. First, she comes to the door and whines. If that fails to elicit a response, she starts licking the door. You wouldn’t think licking would be loud, but it is. If all else fails, she wags her tail, turning her butt so that the tail whacks the door like a drumstick.

If we curse, yell and throw shoes at the door, she just wags harder. Sometimes we wish she was a goldfish, but mostly we’re glad she’s a dog. She’s very sweet.

Regarding terror, we’re about to take a drive in the country with the teen behind the wheel. FSM be with us, and may the angel hair preserve us.

Please feel free to leave dog-training tips or discuss whatever.

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Reader Interactions

179Comments

  1. 1.

    Baud

    August 17, 2013 at 11:26 am

    We shut the dogs out of our bedroom almost always because, when we don’t, the humans end up clinging to two five-inch strips of mattress on either edge while the dogs loll and sprawl luxuriously in the middle.

    This is my life.

  2. 2.

    SiubhanDuinne

    August 17, 2013 at 11:27 am

    Sweet puppeh!

    Betty, there must be a reason for the specificity of that “5:18” wake-up time, yes?

  3. 3.

    Chris

    August 17, 2013 at 11:30 am

    Since it’s an open thread –

    Watched a couple episodes of Hercules and Xena for childhood times’ sake and went scouring the Internets for stuff about the show. And… I was definitely not aware that Kevin Sorbo was a right wing nutjob. Or a complete all around asshole and professional bitter crank (though I guess the latter was a foregone conclusion once the former had been established). Still, talk about ruining your childhood.

  4. 4.

    Ahasuerus

    August 17, 2013 at 11:31 am

    Regarding terror, we’re about to take a drive in the country with the teen behind the wheel.

    Just close your eyes and think of England BP.

  5. 5.

    PeakVT

    August 17, 2013 at 11:34 am

    On weekends, I’d love to enjoy the unimaginable indolence of sleeping until 6:30 – or even 7:00 AM!

    This is why FSM created naps.

  6. 6.

    Culture of Truth

    August 17, 2013 at 11:35 am

    Dogs don’t do weekends

  7. 7.

    Santa Fe

    August 17, 2013 at 11:36 am

    @Chris: Didn’t know that; it is sad. Watched all of Hercules and Xena with my three sons when they were younger.

  8. 8.

    JCT

    August 17, 2013 at 11:38 am

    @Baud: Ours too. When we moved to our new house #1 on our purchase list was a king-sized bed. I now have a nice collection of photos with my husband resting comfortably surrounded by 2 beagles and 3 cats – all on my side.

    And we can’t sleep late either – no matter what we do, ONE of the 5 pets manages to get us up. Each has his/her preferred methods.

  9. 9.

    Santa Fe

    August 17, 2013 at 11:38 am

    Regarding dogs and sleeping habits, never underestimate the power of having your dog spend the occasional night sleeping in his or her trusty comfy crate.

  10. 10.

    MattF

    August 17, 2013 at 11:38 am

    Re: Drive in the country. Urban Dictionary has a constructive suggestion:

    http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Passenger%20Brake

  11. 11.

    Botsplainer

    August 17, 2013 at 11:39 am

    5:18? That’s specific. I’m a 5:30 guy myself.

    As to dog training tips, our little jackass can sleep dry and unsoiled in his crate for a solid 6-7 hours. I’ve got him well-timed on crapping, but he’s holding pee back in the late morning and afternoons. You’ll see him go outside and think he’s done, even after a mile and a quarter walk, then SURPRISE, once you get inside, you learn that the little shit was sandbagging on it.

    He’s 4 months old this coming week, good on the leash, likes to stay close when outdoors and off lead.

  12. 12.

    FoxinSocks

    August 17, 2013 at 11:39 am

    My beagle is ornery, lazy, has seizures, almost certainly has PTSD from being in an abusive home before coming here, and loves to howl at anybody who dares to walk by the window. We live on a busy street, so that’s a lot of howling.

    And yet I tell people she’s the best dog in the world, because she loves to sleep in until noon. I’ve had her REFUSE to walk at 7am, because it’s just too darn early, and after I’m done dragging her out at 9am, she shuffles around the kitchen in a daze, as if searching for coffee.

  13. 13.

    fuckwit

    August 17, 2013 at 11:40 am

    Apropos of nothing, I just want to say I think the photos and photo style of Terry Richardson are an abomination, and I can’t wait for his stupid trend to be over. I hate the lighting, hate the poses, hate the styling, and, from what I’ve heard, he’s horribly creeptastic as a person too.

  14. 14.

    raven

    August 17, 2013 at 11:42 am

    Armed Dog Terrorizes Athens

  15. 15.

    Baud

    August 17, 2013 at 11:42 am

    @JCT:

    They should call king-sized beds pet-sized beds.

  16. 16.

    gogol's wife

    August 17, 2013 at 11:46 am

    @raven:

    LOLOLOL. I’m about to teach a writing course. I think I’ll use this as an example.

    As for the original post, I call our cats “the organic alarm clock.” No electricity, no batteries, just some Fancy Feast a couple of times a day. But forget about “setting the time.” They will determine the time. Just lie back and relax.

  17. 17.

    schrodinger's cat

    August 17, 2013 at 11:46 am

    Since this is Caturday I have two kittehs, who tell it like it is. Samuelson* of Washpost was the mews for both these Lol captions.
    Dr Kitteh
    and Editor Kitteh both ended up on the first pg of ICHC/lolcats, Dr Kitteh was even on the FP of ICHC.
    * Specifically his op-eds where he hates on the intertoobz.

  18. 18.

    MikeJ

    August 17, 2013 at 11:46 am

    No whining about that bad call from Arsenal now.

  19. 19.

    MattF

    August 17, 2013 at 11:47 am

    5:18? I’m a 5:17-er, myself.

  20. 20.

    schrodinger's cat

    August 17, 2013 at 11:51 am

    Kittehs is good alarm clocks, mine wake me up at the crack of dawn. They are the 1%, they need much more space on the bed compared to their actual size, we the 99% have to adapt.

  21. 21.

    raven

    August 17, 2013 at 11:54 am

    @MikeJ: Who the fuck is AVL?

  22. 22.

    raven

    August 17, 2013 at 11:57 am

    My dogs are the best dogs in the whole world. A lot of times I move out to the couch in the middle of the night. Bohdi comes out, checks on me, takes a sock and jumps in the rack with my bride. One of the main reasons we are building an addition is so we can get a bigger bed and everyone can fit.

  23. 23.

    Botsplainer

    August 17, 2013 at 12:00 pm

    @raven:

    Bohdi comes out, checks on me, takes a sock and jumps in the rack with my bride

    Leo is still at the pick up stage. He could easily make the bed, but something in his head is telling him he can’t.

  24. 24.

    raven

    August 17, 2013 at 12:03 pm

    @Botsplainer: Ha, we have a footstool thingy, Lil Bit would never make it.

  25. 25.

    schrodinger's cat

    August 17, 2013 at 12:03 pm

    @gogol’s wife: What type of a writing course?

  26. 26.

    Betty Cracker

    August 17, 2013 at 12:03 pm

    @SiubhanDuinne: RE: 5:18 — ages ago, I was trying to set an alarm clock for 5:15 and failed to stop on the right minute, landed on 5:18 instead and just stuck with it. I wonder how many extra minutes of sleep have resulted from that mistake. Probably years at this point…

  27. 27.

    Davis X. Machina

    August 17, 2013 at 12:07 pm

    With teen drivers, watch out for the 50-hour phenomenon, well-known to pilots. Recently licensed, they drive gingerly, according to the rules, watching out for everything. Then — somewhere between fifty and a hundred hours in — they say to themselves ‘Hey, I got this’; one by one lose all those good habits, and BOOM! — the first accident.

    Half of all accidents happen to pilots with less than 100 hours in type, but only one in ten accidents of all causes happened to pilots with less than 50 hours in type.

  28. 28.

    raven

    August 17, 2013 at 12:08 pm

    @SiubhanDuinne: I wake up the princess at 6:24 every work day.

  29. 29.

    RSA

    August 17, 2013 at 12:09 pm

    Our cat used to do this, until I set up the vacuum cleaner outside our bedroom, with the cord trailing underneath the closed door to my bedside. I’d flip the switch for a second or two, and then there’d be silence.

    Is this mean? Maybe. But the cat runs outside whenever I have to use the vacuum for its regular purpose during the day, and he doesn’t really listen to reason, so I take advantage of the situation.

    (I suspect this wouldn’t work with dogs.)

  30. 30.

    BillinGlendaleCA

    August 17, 2013 at 12:13 pm

    @raven: My little terrorist has stairs. She heard the neighbors making some noise and decided that the Cocker must be alerted. I am now awake after 4 hours sleep.

  31. 31.

    burnspbesq

    August 17, 2013 at 12:13 pm

    @raven:

    Aston Villa. Located in Birmingham. If you’re looking for a reason to like them, their starting keeper is American. If you’re looking for a reason to hate them, their starting keeper is an ex-Gamecock.

  32. 32.

    Betty Cracker

    August 17, 2013 at 12:14 pm

    @RSA: Obligatory kittens-vacuum cleaner video. I don’t think that’s mean at all, but you’re right; it wouldn’t work with dogs. They’d both just bark hysterically if the vacuum came on.

  33. 33.

    Yatsuno

    August 17, 2013 at 12:14 pm

    @raven:

    Who the fuck is AVL?

    Angry Vietnamese Lady?

    Need coffee, then prolly brunch with lojasmo. Though the idiot decided to WALK to Bellevue. Oi.

    @burnspbesq: Got caught up in stuff, but in reply to your question: dinner the 25 definitely doable. You still have my e-mail?

  34. 34.

    Betty Cracker

    August 17, 2013 at 12:14 pm

    @Davis X. Machina: Good to know. Thanks!

  35. 35.

    Betty Cracker

    August 17, 2013 at 12:16 pm

    @burnspbesq: I like the Gamecocks and always root for them when they’re not playing the Gators. My grandmother went there, and many of my cousins. Gotta say it was more fun to watch football with them before Steve took over that program. There’s nothing like hearing your ancient grandma talk smack on game day.

  36. 36.

    raven

    August 17, 2013 at 12:17 pm

    @burnspbesq: And the google tells me they are in ViIlla Park, my hometown on the West side of Chicago.

    BillinGlendaleCA

    I’m headed to the porch to groom my cocker now.

  37. 37.

    BillinGlendaleCA

    August 17, 2013 at 12:17 pm

    @Yatsuno:

    Though the idiot decided to WALK to Bellevue

    From SeaTac?

  38. 38.

    Donut

    August 17, 2013 at 12:18 pm

    @Santa Fe:

    We love love love our sweet little pup, but he spends EVERY night in his crate. We have a four-year-old human and a seven-year-old human, both of whom exhaust us plenty. We simply do not allow the dog to interfere with sleep. It just doesn’t happen. He’s one of the family, but also epsilon in our pack of five, so he sleeps in the crate.

  39. 39.

    raven

    August 17, 2013 at 12:18 pm

    @Yatsuno: Choi Duk, Ca Ca Dow you.

  40. 40.

    schrodinger's cat

    August 17, 2013 at 12:18 pm

    @Betty Cracker: Is that your illustration of Patsy Marie? She has such big sad eyes, how can you say no to that face?

  41. 41.

    Yatsuno

    August 17, 2013 at 12:19 pm

    @BillinGlendaleCA: From downtown. I’m not sure where he stayed last night but his original plans fell through. I should have just told him to urban camp in the bus tunnel.

  42. 42.

    burnspbesq

    August 17, 2013 at 12:20 pm

    @Yatsuno:

    Will look, but I don’t think so.

  43. 43.

    Goblue72

    August 17, 2013 at 12:22 pm

    Sheeeeeee-it – I don’t get up for anything prior to 9 on a weekend. And thus why we have a cat.

  44. 44.

    RandomMonster

    August 17, 2013 at 12:22 pm

    Our dogs sleep in comfy big crates in our room. We give them treats when it’s time to go in the crates, so now they’re excitedly anticipating “Time for crates!” each night. We’ve draped blankets over the crates so the dogs feel like they’re in their own little dens. I think the dogs feel like they’re part of the pack because they’re in the same room with us all night, but the bed is all ours.

  45. 45.

    burnspbesq

    August 17, 2013 at 12:24 pm

    @Betty Cracker:

    The first men’s basketball game at the Galen Center was USC vs. USC. I was very disappointed when the LA Times didn’t headline its game story “Trojans Contain Cocks.”

  46. 46.

    Gindy51

    August 17, 2013 at 12:25 pm

    Luckily my bedroom is big enough for two king sized beds. As for sleeping past 5:30AM, only if I am deathly ill. I have not slept past that without illness in over 30 years. If I do, I feel I have wasted half the day and nothing seems right. I blame it on my first comp ops tech job in the 80’s: up at 3AM, hit the gym, get to work by 5AM, do “stuff” and leave at 2PM, go sun on the beach. What a fucking great life… oh yeah dogs. She knows she has your number so just surrender and learn to take a nap later (they LOVE this.)

  47. 47.

    Karen in GA

    August 17, 2013 at 12:27 pm

    One of Iggy’s toys is a soft green box with holes in three sides, and squeak toys inside that he has to pull out of the holes. My husband gave Iggy a “busy bone” thing that’s too heavy and awkward for him to hold up with his paws and keeps sliding around on the kitchen floor. Iggy carried the bone to the toy and stuck it in one of the holes, so the bone would rest on top of the squeak toys inside. Much easier to handle.

    Iggy is scary smart. We are so fucked.

  48. 48.

    gogol's wife

    August 17, 2013 at 12:30 pm

    @schrodinger’s cat:

    A seminar for freshmen. I’ve never done it before. My plan is to teach it like a 1972 high school English course. They don’t know where to put a comma. I’m gonna teach ’em.

  49. 49.

    Betty Cracker

    August 17, 2013 at 12:30 pm

    @schrodinger’s cat: Yes — just a picture of her that I Photoshopped.

    We’re in the car now. I’m much calmer just focusing on this little screen and allowing the hubster to be the driving coach.

  50. 50.

    schrodinger's cat

    August 17, 2013 at 12:34 pm

    @gogol’s wife: Actually I get confused about that too, does you has a recommendation for a quick grammar and punctuation refresher?

  51. 51.

    Old Dan and Little Ann

    August 17, 2013 at 12:34 pm

    Our old dog Mickey would sit on the floor on my side of the bed and stare at me. What time he would start this I don’t know. But he would start harrumphing around 10. The new crazy dog, Yeller, starts yelling around 11 for me to get the fuck up and feed him.

  52. 52.

    BillinGlendaleCA

    August 17, 2013 at 12:35 pm

    @Yatsuno: Downtown to Bellvue, well it’s not as far as SeaTac, but damn that’s a long, long walk. I didn’t know there’s pedestrian access on the floating bridges.

  53. 53.

    Mnemosyne

    August 17, 2013 at 12:37 pm

    The cleaning people came this morning, so we rounded up all three cats to get their nails trimmed at the groomer’s. Annie is now rolling around on the freshly-vacuumed rug to get her stink back into it.

  54. 54.

    Botsplainer

    August 17, 2013 at 12:39 pm

    It’s wingnuts, all the way down.

    http://littlegreenfootballs.com/article/42400_Snowdens_Father_Doubts_Wikileaks_and_Greenwald_Have_Edwards_Best_Interests_in_Mind

    More fractious is the relationship between Lon Snowden and his son’s other advisers, WikiLeaks and Mr. Greenwald. Mr. Fein’s wife and spokeswoman, Mattie Fein, said Lon Snowden’s legal team doesn’t trust the intentions of Mr. Greenwald or WikiLeaks and worry they are giving Edward Snowden bad advice.

    “The thing we have been most concerned about is that the people who have influence over Ed will try to use him for their own means,” Ms. Fein said. “These guys have their own agenda here and we aren’t so sure that it has Ed’s best interest in mind.”

    Yes, that would be THAT Fein. And he’s not doing stuff from altruism.

    It gets better.

    On Sunday, Ms. Fein says she was called by a producer at a U.S. television network saying Mr. Greenwald had been shopping around an exclusive interview with Mr. Snowden for seven figures.

    She said she warned the producer that she would cut off access to Mr. Snowden’s father, who has appeared regularly on television, to anyone who agreed to Mr. Greenwald’s terms. A few hours later, she said she received a furious email from Mr. Greenwald, calling her a liar and denying he had made such an offer.

    Mr. Greenwald calls the accusation that he was shopping an interview “defamatory,” but did admit to having informal discussions with NBC about producing an interview he would conduct himself and licensing it to them for $50,000.

  55. 55.

    Yatsuno

    August 17, 2013 at 12:40 pm

    @burnspbesq: Almost certain I still have yours, but if worst comes to worst I can just ask Betty to pass it along. And then figure out how to pay back coffee favours from the other side of the country. I assume the spawn will be joining us?

  56. 56.

    Suzanne

    August 17, 2013 at 12:40 pm

    Wen we first got Luna, we made her sleep in the crate. Now she sleeps on a big dogie bed in our room. She won’t wake us up on weekends unless we try to sleep past ten, but the moment one of us shows any sign of getting up for any reason—to pee, to check on baby, etc.—she declares us officially Up, and therefore Ready To Feed Her. This has resulted a few times in up waking up, and then laying very, VERY still.

    I couldn’t deal with the dog on the bed or the furniture. On the occasions when the baby fusses at night and ends up in bed with us, she takes up more than half of the king-size bed, and Mr. Suzanne and I each huddle on our respective sides of the bed.

    The first New Years’ that we had Luna, she got so freaked out by the fireworks that my dumbass neighbors were shooting off that she tore a hole in her doggie bed, trying to dig a hole in it to burrow in. Now she’s so chill that I think someone could come in to steal the TV and she’d MAYBE open her eyes.

  57. 57.

    RSA

    August 17, 2013 at 12:42 pm

    @Betty Cracker:

    Obligatory kittens-vacuum cleaner video.

    I haven’t seen that before–I laughed.

  58. 58.

    Villago Delenda Est

    August 17, 2013 at 12:44 pm

    @burnspbesq:

    The Oregonian once had a headline on its sports page, for a story on a USC basketball visit to Oregon State, as “Beavers unimpressed by Trojans.”

  59. 59.

    debit

    August 17, 2013 at 12:46 pm

    I suspect that someone dumped this little one on the Greenway. I first spotted it on Monday, and have been back every day to try to catch it. It will now run up and demand food every morning when I stop, but will not let me touch it. This morning it took food from my hand, but was too quick for me to grab. It is somewhat trap wary, thanks to my first clumsy efforts with my cat carrier, but I think I will have success with a live trap when I next go back.

    I don’t know if this is truly an abandoned pet or a feral that has not yet learned to be completely wary of people. I’m leaning toward abandoned pet, as it seems to be okay with people, will approach but not enough for petting, has stayed in the same spot since appearing and seems too young to be kicked out of a colony, maybe three months old.

    We truly do not need another cat, but now that my daughter has seen it I fear that my plans to socialize and then try to adopt out will come to naught.

  60. 60.

    BillinGlendaleCA

    August 17, 2013 at 12:49 pm

    @Villago Delenda Est: That OSU coach must have some balls, pulling down all that cash while his sister and mom live in public housing in DC.

  61. 61.

    Yatsuno

    August 17, 2013 at 12:51 pm

    @debit: That looks like my little girl! If I didn’t know you were on the other side of the country I’d be squeeing right now!

  62. 62.

    eemom

    August 17, 2013 at 12:53 pm

    @Botsplainer:

    That is fucking hilarious.

    Lon Snowden’s legal team doesn’t trust the intentions of Mr. Greenwald or WikiLeaks and worry they are giving Edward Snowden bad advice.

    fer realz, Lon Snowden’s legal team? Ya think?

  63. 63.

    Villago Delenda Est

    August 17, 2013 at 12:56 pm

    @Botsplainer:

    Good grief. Lucre is what it’s all about…so much for all this principle crap.

    Reminds me of the entire “Clinton scandal” machine of the 90’s…which was about fleecing the rubes…of the MSM.

  64. 64.

    debit

    August 17, 2013 at 12:56 pm

    @Yatsuno: I’ve been absent from BJ for a bit; are you missing a kitty?

  65. 65.

    Davis X. Machina

    August 17, 2013 at 12:57 pm

    @gogol’s wife: As one dead-language teacher to another, I salute you.

  66. 66.

    Villago Delenda Est

    August 17, 2013 at 12:58 pm

    @BillinGlendaleCA:

    Yeah, he’s got big…basketballs. That’s the ticket!

    (For those of you who don’t know…his sister does quite literally live in public housing in DC…the projects at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue.)

  67. 67.

    Alison

    August 17, 2013 at 1:00 pm

    Hey, has anyone here used that Furminator tool that JC has? I want to get one but I have a question…

  68. 68.

    Baud

    August 17, 2013 at 1:02 pm

    @Davis X. Machina:

    Good use of the hyphen.

  69. 69.

    debit

    August 17, 2013 at 1:03 pm

    @Alison: I have one. Ask away.

  70. 70.

    Yatsuno

    August 17, 2013 at 1:03 pm

    @debit: Yeah. She ran away like six months ago, no sign of her anywhere. I really miss her even though she was piss and vinegar half the time.

  71. 71.

    SiubhanDuinne

    August 17, 2013 at 1:04 pm

    @Betty Cracker: Three minutes a day will get you an extra almost 18-1/2 hours a year. Not a bad trick!@raven: is your backstory for being so specific as interesting as Betty’s?

  72. 72.

    eemom

    August 17, 2013 at 1:05 pm

    Mrs Betty: with respect to teenagers driving, there is much light at the end of the tunnel. Once they have the license and enough experience so you’re not scared shitless all the time, it is soooooo convenient having an extra little driver around the house.

    We’re taking our daughter to college this Friday……and when we get home, and I’m done crying, I expect it’s gonna especially suck being restored to full time chauffer for her younger brother.

  73. 73.

    Alison

    August 17, 2013 at 1:05 pm

    @debit: So, I see that you can buy it with blades for short hair or long hair. My cat is technically a shorthair, but she has very thick fur – thicker than other shorthairs I’ve had. It’s not long like a Persian or anything, just thick and like…more abundant? Like, she just has more fur, even though it’s short. So I’m wondering if I should get the long hair blade maybe, or if the short hair one would work well enough…?

  74. 74.

    debit

    August 17, 2013 at 1:06 pm

    @Yatsuno: Oh, I am so sorry!! I had that happen, years ago, and I still miss that damn cat.

  75. 75.

    gogol's wife

    August 17, 2013 at 1:06 pm

    @schrodinger’s cat:

    I went on EBay to get the 1977 edition of Warriner’s English Grammar and Composition. It’s very clear and succinct. Strunk & White actually covers the most important issues quite well, but it’s not a comprehensive review of grammar.

  76. 76.

    Betty Cracker

    August 17, 2013 at 1:09 pm

    I’ve never quite appreciated the physical courage of my parents and grandparents until these past few months. Teaching kids to drive is not for the faint of heart.

  77. 77.

    smintheus

    August 17, 2013 at 1:09 pm

    One of the best ways to break a pet of a bad habit is to do something they dislike every time. For ex., put her inside a dog crate until you’re ready to get up. She’ll figure out it’s more fun to wait until you’re ready to get out of bed.

  78. 78.

    debit

    August 17, 2013 at 1:10 pm

    @Alison: I’d go with the short hair. Be aware, she may not like it. Out of our three cats, two love to be furminated and will demand it, one hates it and will not tolerate it, but then, he doesn’t like regular brushing/combing either.

  79. 79.

    eemom

    August 17, 2013 at 1:12 pm

    @Villago Delenda Est:

    Lucre is what it’s all about…so much for all this principle crap.

    Apparently you missed mclaren’s most cogent debunking of that argument wrt Greenwald on yesterday’s Assange thread.

    She explained that it can’t possibly be true because he was making a shit ton of money previously in his one-client civil rights practice.

  80. 80.

    Just Some Fuckhead

    August 17, 2013 at 1:12 pm

    @Betty Cracker:

    I’ve never quite appreciated the physical courage of my parents and grandparents until these past few months. Teaching kids to drive is not for the faint of heart.

    We just got the girl launched. I couldn’t ride with her unless I’d had a few drinks. It didn’t help that she wrecked three times while she was learning.

  81. 81.

    J.

    August 17, 2013 at 1:12 pm

    Thank you for reminding me why we should not get a dog. (I’m a morning person, but 5:18? No thank you — especially not in winter — at least not unless I’m hired to replace Mike or Mike on ESPN or Craig Carton on WFAN.)

    And what’s the deal with driving at 15? Is that a Southern or Florida thing? Our 15-year-old has been bugging her dad to let her get behind the wheel, even though you can’t get your permit until you’re 16 — and then it takes a minimum of four months to get your license.

  82. 82.

    Alison

    August 17, 2013 at 1:13 pm

    @debit: Cool, thanks. And yeah…she’s not often thrilled with any kind of grooming, but tough shit for her, she needs it! Especially in the warmer weather. It just sometimes ends up being a two-person job :)

  83. 83.

    Suzanne

    August 17, 2013 at 1:14 pm

    @Betty Cracker: My mom gave up teaching me ow to drive and hired a pro. My mom still says it’s because I “refused to listen” to her; I still contend that “AAAACCCCKKKK” is not actionable communication. I’m now 33, and I still hate having my mom in the car. She still randomly screams and it freaks me out and makes me tense up. She’s getting older and hates driving, so I’ve been driving her places more, and I made it clear that that shit was not okay.

  84. 84.

    Just Some Fuckhead

    August 17, 2013 at 1:15 pm

    I remember when my mom was teaching me, I turned into a busy shopping center on the left side of entry/exit divider instead of the right side so I was driving into oncoming traffic. My mother leaned out the window and frantically began waving her arms and yelling at the oncoming cars, “We’re going the wrong way!” I calmly said “I’m sure they already know that, mom.”

  85. 85.

    Suzanne

    August 17, 2013 at 1:19 pm

    @Betty Cracker: My mom also decided that I needed to learn how to drive a manual transmission FIRST. Mistake. I would have appreciated about a year of feeling comfortable with driving before diving into learning how to deal with the transmission. Le sigh.

  86. 86.

    Hill Dweller

    August 17, 2013 at 1:27 pm

    The twitter machine is telling me the President is playing golf with Larry David today.

  87. 87.

    smintheus

    August 17, 2013 at 1:29 pm

    @Villago Delenda Est: Yeah, and that Daniel Ellsberg guy was seeing a psychiatrist so the Vietnam bru ha ha was all about the crazy.

  88. 88.

    Botsplainer

    August 17, 2013 at 1:32 pm

    @eemom:

    She explained that it can’t possibly be true because he was making a shit ton of money previously in his one-client civil rights practice.

    Because shithead violent white supremacists are flush with cash.

  89. 89.

    Botsplainer

    August 17, 2013 at 1:32 pm

    @eemom:

    She explained that it can’t possibly be true because he was making a shit ton of money previously in his one-client civil rights practice.

    Because shithead violent white supremacists are flush with cash.

  90. 90.

    Botsplainer

    August 17, 2013 at 1:32 pm

    @eemom:

    She explained that it can’t possibly be true because he was making a shit ton of money previously in his one-client civil rights practice.

    Because shithead violent white supremacists are flush with cash.

  91. 91.

    Botsplainer

    August 17, 2013 at 1:32 pm

    @eemom:

    She explained that it can’t possibly be true because he was making a shit ton of money previously in his one-client civil rights practice.

    Because shithead violent white supremacists are flush with cash.

  92. 92.

    Chief

    August 17, 2013 at 1:33 pm

    I am into my eigth decade and have lived with more than one dog in the house for most of that time. I am on my 3rd time thru “Inside Of A Dog” by Alexandra Horowitz. I wish her insights were available in the 50s/60s.

    I highly recommend all dog lovers read her book.

  93. 93.

    Davis X. Machina

    August 17, 2013 at 1:34 pm

    @Baud: Of course, if it were I that was dead, and not the language a.) they hyphen would be superfluous and b.) I wouldn’t be posting, now would I?

  94. 94.

    raven

    August 17, 2013 at 1:37 pm

    My old man taught me to drive by me sitting on his lap and shifting while he worked the clutch. I was about 10.

  95. 95.

    smintheus

    August 17, 2013 at 1:38 pm

    James Taranto, A professional clown is a serious clown. And he would know, wouldn’t he?

  96. 96.

    lamh36

    August 17, 2013 at 1:39 pm

    Ok this is just sad. I guess they picked the wrong jeans…lol

    “@JPughMI: omg RT @dbernstein: Least surprising revelation so far in Balz’s book: Romney wearing jeans was the result of extensive focus group research”

  97. 97.

    lamh36

    August 17, 2013 at 1:40 pm

    Ok this is just sad. I guess they picked the wrong jeans…lol

    “@JPughMI: omg RT @dbernstein: Least surprising revelation so far in Balz’s book: Romney wearing jeans was the result of extensive focus group research”

  98. 98.

    raven

    August 17, 2013 at 1:42 pm

    @Chief: Looks good, I’m sure someone can tell me why it’s horrible to buy a 1 cent copy on Amazon?

  99. 99.

    Baud

    August 17, 2013 at 1:45 pm

    @Davis X. Machina:

    Unless you’re really DougJ like the rest of us.

  100. 100.

    Yatsuno

    August 17, 2013 at 1:47 pm

    @Baud: That’s a silly question. We are all DougJ.

  101. 101.

    KG

    August 17, 2013 at 1:51 pm

    @Chris: I learned years ago to not give a shit about an entertainer’s politics. If I didn’t read or watch anything by people I didn’t agree with, I’d be very bored and fairly stupid.

  102. 102.

    gogol's wife

    August 17, 2013 at 1:55 pm

    @KG:

    All my most favorite actors are/were wingnuts: Shirley Temple, Irene Dunne, Barbara Stanwyck, Cary Grant, James Stewart, etc., etc., etc. It kind of goes with the territory of making a lot of money, I guess.

  103. 103.

    MikeJ

    August 17, 2013 at 2:00 pm

    @Chief: Title form the Groucho Marx line? Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Inside of a dog it’s too dark to read.

  104. 104.

    The Sailor

    August 17, 2013 at 2:11 pm

    Um, country kid here; I started driving (steering) tractors and on my Dad’s lap when I was around 10.

    And that 50 hour to 100 hour rule for pilots is true. Familiarity breeds contempt. Especially when you’re around other assholes of your same experience level who brag (lie) about what they’ve done.

  105. 105.

    KG

    August 17, 2013 at 2:12 pm

    @gogol’s wife: eh, my “taxes are too damn high” republican dad says the same thing about a lot of stars going the other way…

  106. 106.

    schrodinger's cat

    August 17, 2013 at 2:15 pm

    @gogol’s wife: Thanks for the recommendation. Are you going to put exercises for your class online?

  107. 107.

    Mnemosyne

    August 17, 2013 at 2:18 pm

    @gogol’s wife:

    I don’t think Cary Grant was a wingnut — the man took LSD (under a doctor’s care) in the 1960s.

    I have a soft spot for Carole Lombard, who was raised Baha’i and definitely not a wingnut since she said stuff like this in interviews:

    Every cent anybody pays in tax is spent to benefit him. There’s no better place to spend it. I enjoy this country and I really think I get my money’s worth.

    ETA: The sad ones to me are people like James Cagney who started as FDR liberals and gradually became Reagan Republicans. But, obviously, that was a pretty common transition.

  108. 108.

    eemom

    August 17, 2013 at 2:20 pm

    @gogol’s wife:

    Don’t think that is quite true…..those people may have been republicans, but in those days it was possible to be a republican and still possess an ideology that was consistent with human decency. I.e., not be a “wingnut” within the despicable meaning of our time.

  109. 109.

    raven

    August 17, 2013 at 2:20 pm

    @SiubhanDuinne: Oh no, just what I do.

  110. 110.

    indycat32

    August 17, 2013 at 2:25 pm

    My high school offered driver’s ed in the summer. They even provided the car. The guy that conducted the driver’s test to get your license never passed a teenager on the first attempt. Not that you did anything wrong, but just because he could.

  111. 111.

    Yatsuno

    August 17, 2013 at 2:26 pm

    @Mnemosyne: Just as a point of reference, Rainn Wilson was also raised Baha’i.

  112. 112.

    Mnemosyne

    August 17, 2013 at 2:26 pm

    @eemom:

    IIRC, Jimmy Stewart was definitely a conservative his whole life, though not a John BIrcher or anything like that. People like Stanwyck and Cagney went from FDR supporters to FYIGM post-Civil Rights. Henry Fonda was always a strong liberal — the fights between him and Jane in the 1960s were because he wasn’t a radical enough liberal for her.

    Believe it or not, Charlton Heston went from marching with Martin Luther King Jr. to being the spokesman for the NRA. That was a transition.

  113. 113.

    schrodinger's cat

    August 17, 2013 at 2:29 pm

    @Alison:My ginger tabby Inji, has fur like your kitty, short but very dense. The furminator for short hair works well on her fur.

  114. 114.

    Mnemosyne

    August 17, 2013 at 2:32 pm

    @Alison:

    If she doesn’t like the Furminator, we used to use the Kong Zoom Groom on our late, great Boris, who got classified as a “medium hair” because he had short but very thick hair. He loooooved that brush — it was like a kitty massage.

  115. 115.

    gogol's wife

    August 17, 2013 at 2:34 pm

    @eemom:

    Yeah, I should have just said “Republican.”

  116. 116.

    Jim, Foolish Literalist

    August 17, 2013 at 2:34 pm

    @Mnemosyne: I don’t think Cary Grant was a wingnut — the man took LSD (under a doctor’s care) in the 1960s.

    And was married to Diane Cannon, who was a hippie chick, wasn’t she?

    I just looked at Jimmy Stewart’s IMDB page to look for a clunker of a movie I swear I remember seeing, Stewart as a “G-man” on the hunt for communists. None of the titles ring a bell but I swear I remember him as star/narrator talking about the Red Menace and saying the word “COMunism!” with such dark, portentous inflection it was hilarious.

    Irene Dunne was my grandmother’s favorite actress, not least because she was a very devout and vocal (Irish) Catholic. She used to go to mass every day with Loretta Young. One day as they were heading in to church, they saw Jackie Gleason, whom a friend was trying to bring back to Mother Church (and sobriety), sitting in a pew, and they turned and walked out.

  117. 117.

    PsiFighter37

    August 17, 2013 at 2:35 pm

    8:30 AM and pure sunshine here on the Big Island. Up for a couple hours and contemplating what to do the rest of the day.

    Living in Hawaii has to be amazing.

  118. 118.

    gogol's wife

    August 17, 2013 at 2:35 pm

    @schrodinger’s cat:

    I do paper! Online is too irritating.

  119. 119.

    raven

    August 17, 2013 at 2:37 pm

    @PsiFighter37: By that time I’d been on the boat for 8 hours and had the tuna for 3!

    eta And you don’t have to go nearly as far out if you fish out of Kailua-Kona.

  120. 120.

    Temporarily Max McGee (soon enough to be Andy K again)

    August 17, 2013 at 2:37 pm

    @Jim, Foolish Literalist:

    I just looked at Jimmy Stewart’s IMDB page to look for a clunker of a movie I swear I remember seeing, Stewart as a “G-man” on the hunt for communists.

    Oh, you’re definitely on to something here. “FBI” is in the title, iirc. The final bit, where he’s red-hunting, has him at a (football) Giants game at the Polo Grounds, before tailing the suspect down through Central Park.

    ETA: It’s “The FBI Story”. And the Giants’ game is at Yankee Stadium.

    http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0052792/

    I think it wasn’t showing up under “Jimmy Stewart” because he’s credited as “James Stewart” for that film.

  121. 121.

    Mnemosyne

    August 17, 2013 at 2:39 pm

    @gogol’s wife:

    The problem is that the definition of “conservative” has changed over the last 30 years. Walt Disney was very strongly conservative, but also a strong supporter of science and environmentalism, which would probably make him a conservative Democrat these days.

  122. 122.

    burnspbesq

    August 17, 2013 at 2:43 pm

    @Yatsuno:

    Up to him, but more than likely he will join us, unless somebody gives him a ticket to Sounders – Timbers.

  123. 123.

    Yatsuno

    August 17, 2013 at 2:43 pm

    @PsiFighter37: SURF!!! SURF!!! SURF!!! Oh yeah, did I mention SURF?!?! An if you don’t know how there are lots of teachers on the beach!

    Also Big Island = Kona coffee. There are tours of the roasters and such. There’s a few historical things but most of the more interesting stuff is on Oahu, which is worth taking a day hop for. It’s also not that expensive.

  124. 124.

    Temporarily Max McGee (soon enough to be Andy K again)

    August 17, 2013 at 2:46 pm

    @Temporarily Max McGee (soon enough to be Andy K again):

    Strike that. It was showing up on his entry. I just scrolled past it.

    Time for a nap.

  125. 125.

    trollhattan

    August 17, 2013 at 2:46 pm

    @PsiFighter37:

    Sunshine? You’re definitely not in Hilo.

    Enjoy, and get yourself up a volcano if possible. Not many places you can see the ocean from 14k feet.

  126. 126.

    Jim, Foolish Literalist

    August 17, 2013 at 2:47 pm

    @Temporarily Max McGee (soon enough to be Andy K again): That’s the one. I must have just scrolled right past it. Looking at the trivia section, J. Edgar had a heavy hand in that production. And a very young Jane Fonda turned down a supporting part!

  127. 127.

    burnspbesq

    August 17, 2013 at 2:47 pm

    @BillinGlendaleCA:

    The sad part is somebody with degrees from Princeton and Harvard being forced to live in public housing with her two daughters. The dad must be a real piece of work.

  128. 128.

    BillinGlendaleCA

    August 17, 2013 at 2:50 pm

    @Yatsuno: I believe that PSI was offered a free round in Maui by NotMax, that might be more alluring than Oahu.

  129. 129.

    Temporarily Max McGee (soon enough to be Andy K again)

    August 17, 2013 at 2:51 pm

    @Jim, Foolish Literalist:

    I saw it a few times as a kid on channel 50 (WKBD in Detroit) once we got cable. I’ve seen it once as an adult, and it sure came across as propaganda.

  130. 130.

    BillinGlendaleCA

    August 17, 2013 at 2:53 pm

    @trollhattan: Mt. Rainier.
    @burnspbesq: Dad has to live with his mother-in-law, he’s doing his penance.

  131. 131.

    Temporarily Max McGee (soon enough to be Andy K again)

    August 17, 2013 at 2:54 pm

    And I would remiss if I didn’t take this opportunity to say, “Glory, glory, Man United!”

  132. 132.

    Alison

    August 17, 2013 at 2:57 pm

    @schrodinger’s cat: Good to know!

    @Mnemosyne: Thanks, I’ll keep that one in mind :) She’s kinda just anti-grooming, or maybe just anti-staying-in-one-place-when-she-doesn’t-want-to. If my mom helps keep her still, I can usually get her to submit to at least a couple minutes’ worth. So a tool that will get a lot done quickly is key.

  133. 133.

    PsiFighter37

    August 17, 2013 at 3:03 pm

    @raven: Not really much of a fisherman myself. I did have some fantastic ahi poke for lunch yesterday, though.

    @Yatsuno: Not sure about surfing – not a great swimmer. However, there’s a kayak/canoe tour on the coast here that sounds interesting.

    Also not a coffee drinker, but I will be hitting up the Kona Brewery tomorrow – anticipating that will be good.

    @trollhattan: Nope, about 1/2 hour north of Kailua-Kona. Been pure sunshine here all morning…it’s so clear I can see Haleakala from my room’s lanai!

    I plan on driving up Mauna Loa later today, and we have a sunset/stargazing trip planned for Mauna Kea Monday evening/night

  134. 134.

    Joey Maloney

    August 17, 2013 at 3:08 pm

    Hey, lookee here, our blogowner’s home state is in the news: West Virginia Judge Indicted For Attempting To Frame Romantic Rival

    WILLIAMSON, W.Va. (AP) — Even in southern West Virginia, where corruption is as much as a part of life as coal, people are shocked by allegations that a judge commandeered the legal system in a years-long attempt to frame a romantic rival for crimes he didn’t commit.

    Federal prosecutors indicted Mingo County Circuit Judge Michael Thornsbury on two counts of conspiracy Thursday, just hours after indicting County Commissioner Dave Baisden on extortion charges. Thornsbury attorney Steve Jory declined comment while Baisden’s attorney did not return messages.

    The state Supreme Court has suspended Thornsbury and his law license, and a replacement judge took over his caseload Friday.

    Thornsbury is set to appear in federal court in Charleston at 10 a.m. Wednesday. Meanwhile, he’s been ordered to surrender his passport, to give up any weapons and to avoid contact with dozens of potential witnesses, including another judge, county officials, five state troopers and prominent multimillionaire industrialist James “Buck” Harless.

  135. 135.

    PsiFighter37

    August 17, 2013 at 3:08 pm

    @BillinGlendaleCA: I am a huge fan of Maui (probably my favorite island in HI), but decided to come here because I had been to Maui last time I was in the state (albeit that was 5 years ago), and I hadn’t been to the Big Island since 1998.

    Come to think of it, I haven’t been to Oahu in 15 years either, but I feel like both Maui and the Big Island are more interesting places to vacation at.

  136. 136.

    BillinGlendaleCA

    August 17, 2013 at 3:17 pm

    @PsiFighter37: There’s a lake near the summit of Mauna Kea, it’s one of the highest lakes in elevation in the US, Lake Waiau.

    http://www.instanthawaii.com/cgi-bin/hi?Hikes.lake

  137. 137.

    BillinGlendaleCA

    August 17, 2013 at 3:20 pm

    @PsiFighter37: I’ve been to Oahu, Maui, the Big Island(day trip from Maui), and Kauai. I think Kauai is the most interesting, though the volcano there is long dormant.

  138. 138.

    Mnemosyne

    August 17, 2013 at 3:22 pm

    @BillinGlendaleCA:

    We keep talking about going back to Kauai, because G absolutely loved it (as did I). It still feels very relaxed and small-town — definitely the kind of place that rolls up the sidewalks at 10:00 pm.

  139. 139.

    PsiFighter37

    August 17, 2013 at 3:27 pm

    @BillinGlendaleCA: I’ve been to Kauai as well, but (at least when I was younger) it has a much more smaller feel to it. I love nature, but I also like having a little bit of population around as well.

    I’m sure I will make it back sometime, but knowing how life goes, that’ll probably be some time from now.

  140. 140.

    Yatsuno

    August 17, 2013 at 3:28 pm

    @PsiFighter37: CHOCOLATE!! Also. Too.

  141. 141.

    srv

    August 17, 2013 at 3:29 pm

    I’m back visiting the folks and am just gobsmacked

    By 2016, the City of Frisco hopes the Dallas Cowboys will be spending a week of training camp in the rapidly-growing suburban hub.

    The deal is part of a 25-year contract that will relocate the Cowboys’ headquarters and practice facilities 20 miles northwest of Valley Ranch, the organization’s home for the past 28 years.

    The city and its school district will pitch in $115 million to woo the organization to Frisco,

    A school district is paying the Cowboys to move.

    And their local lake is dry, so the natives want to sue the river authority. Dry from drilling all those gas wells and the non-existant Climate Change. Sadly, I will be gone for their big meeting. I was thinking of standing in the back and questioning why they all Hate America and the Jesus’ Free Market.

  142. 142.

    Just One More Canuck

    August 17, 2013 at 3:36 pm

    @burnspbesq: And if South Carolina had won: Cocks break through Trojans

  143. 143.

    BillinGlendaleCA

    August 17, 2013 at 3:38 pm

    @Yatsuno: Macadamia Nuts.

  144. 144.

    Redshift

    August 17, 2013 at 3:38 pm

    I just got a polling call about Virginia politics. (I swear I’ve gotten more polling calls in the past couple of years than in my entire previous life; I think I’ve gotten onto the industry list of “people who will actually answer a polling call.”) It was pretty straightforward except for a couple of questions that were probably “message testing” rather than actual push-polling, though they were pretty close to the line. I don’t remember the actual wording, but it was asking if I would be less likely to support McAuliffe if I knew that some Virginia officials had supported his green car company which was just a visa-laundering scheme for Chinese officials. (The “Virginia officials support” bit actually made it a very muddled confusing push-poll question.)

    The pro-Cuccinelli one was something about his work supporting a wrongfully convicted prisoner, which seems to be the only non-wingnutty thing he’s ever done in his career.

    There were also questions about a program to allow private donations to fund a program for low-income children to go to private schools. It’s not as bad as public funds going to that purpose (which Cucinelli favors), but it’s pretty obviously intended to lay the groundwork for it. I answered that I mildly disapproved, because there wasn’t a way to answer “people who have enough extra money to donate to send low-income kids to private schools should be taxed enough so that all children can have good public schools.”

  145. 145.

    BillinGlendaleCA

    August 17, 2013 at 3:39 pm

    @Just One More Canuck: Trojans burst under pressure.

  146. 146.

    spudvol

    August 17, 2013 at 3:40 pm

    Is there some kind of Inverse Contributor-to-Post ratio going on here? The more contributors we get, the fewer posts they make.

  147. 147.

    srv

    August 17, 2013 at 3:45 pm

    @spudvol: I have no idea why we pay these people.

    An absent Lord and lazy serfs… you know what that leads to.

  148. 148.

    MattF

    August 17, 2013 at 3:45 pm

    @Yatsuno: There’s this:

    https://www.chocosphere.com

    You know that when the chocolate site you’ve found has a ‘wish list’ that you’ve found the right place.

  149. 149.

    spudvol

    August 17, 2013 at 3:48 pm

    @srv: Blog adultery? I’m off to Steve Benen’s.

  150. 150.

    srv

    August 17, 2013 at 3:49 pm

    @spudvol: IDK, I assume it will be covered in a Downton Abbey season.

  151. 151.

    Mnemosyne

    August 17, 2013 at 3:53 pm

    @Redshift:

    There were also questions about a program to allow private donations to fund a program for low-income children to go to private schools.

    Isn’t that what scholarship funds are for?

  152. 152.

    PeakVT

    August 17, 2013 at 3:56 pm

    Meth and Big Pharma.

  153. 153.

    Redshift

    August 17, 2013 at 4:06 pm

    @Mnemosyne: I know! There was mention of tax credits, too, so thinking about it now, I suspect that the thing that differentiates this scam from donating to a school scholarship fund is that “donors” can get a tax credit even if the money goes to a for-profit school. Insidious. I’ll have to ask Kay if this is a common feature of the school-privatization types or it’s a new scam that other states should be watching out for.

  154. 154.

    raven

    August 17, 2013 at 4:07 pm

    On the way to Than Son Nhut they dropped our sorry asses into the Honolulu Airport and let us “deplane” . We promptly found a garden and sparked on one up!

  155. 155.

    MikeJ

    August 17, 2013 at 4:08 pm

    @Redshift:

    I think I’ve gotten onto the industry list of “people who will actually answer a polling call.”

    You may think you’re joking, but it’s a real thing,

  156. 156.

    shelly

    August 17, 2013 at 4:10 pm

    “Is there some kind of Inverse Contributor-to-Post ratio going on here? The more contributors we get, the fewer posts they make.”
    **********

    Lazy Summer Saturday

  157. 157.

    gogol's wife

    August 17, 2013 at 4:19 pm

    @Mnemosyne:

    You didn’t have to be a hippie to take LSD back then. I think Henry Luce also took it. It was considered a kind of psychotherapy. But I may be wrong about Grant, although he spoke at the Republican Convention in the 1970s. I just get a Republican vibe from him.

    I’d love to read whatever you write about Miriam Hopkins. I love her.

  158. 158.

    raven

    August 17, 2013 at 4:20 pm

    @shelly: Smile when you say that.

  159. 159.

    tofubo

    August 17, 2013 at 4:24 pm

    no such thing as bad dogs, only bad owners/handlers

    OT

    perfectly executed 3-point U-turn

    http://itscarreras.tumblr.com/post/55402101030/www-carreras-it

  160. 160.

    raven

    August 17, 2013 at 4:25 pm

    @gogol’s wife: I was a Spec 4 the first time I dropped!

  161. 161.

    raven

    August 17, 2013 at 4:26 pm

    @tofubo: what topic?

  162. 162.

    schrodinger's cat

    August 17, 2013 at 4:26 pm

    Is there any way to make pie crust without using tons of butter?

  163. 163.

    Davis X. Machina

    August 17, 2013 at 4:32 pm

    @schrodinger’s cat: Yeah. Use tons of lard.

  164. 164.

    MikeJ

    August 17, 2013 at 4:33 pm

    @schrodinger’s cat: Alton Brown has a good recipe that uses lard instead. Other than that, not really.

  165. 165.

    schrodinger's cat

    August 17, 2013 at 4:34 pm

    @MikeJ: No that won’t work, I am trying to reduce the amount of fat, not replace it with something else. Thanks anyway for the suggestion.

  166. 166.

    Davis X. Machina

    August 17, 2013 at 4:34 pm

    @Redshift: The fund launders the money, so to speak. No negative tax consequences because the actual contribution goes to a 501(c)(3).They’re changing the structure to generate a credit, and not a deduction, and hoping nobody notices the change.

  167. 167.

    Mnemosyne

    August 17, 2013 at 4:34 pm

    @schrodinger’s cat:

    There’s really no way to make pie crust without solid fat to hold it together. You need butter, lard, or vegetable shortening (or a combination of the above).

  168. 168.

    jeffreyw

    August 17, 2013 at 4:35 pm

    @schrodinger’s cat: Yes! Use lard, better for you.

  169. 169.

    gogol's wife

    August 17, 2013 at 4:50 pm

    @Davis X. Machina:

    That’s what I was gonna say!

    There’s no other option.

  170. 170.

    Davis X. Machina

    August 17, 2013 at 4:53 pm

    @gogol’s wife: Leaf lard, and replace 1/2- 2/3 of the water with ice-cold cheap vodka. (Wets the dough without activating the gluten as much as all water, so flakier, less doughy. A Chris Kimball/ATC joint.)

  171. 171.

    schrodinger's cat

    August 17, 2013 at 4:54 pm

    @gogol’s wife: I has a sad!

  172. 172.

    gogol's wife

    August 17, 2013 at 5:03 pm

    @schrodinger’s cat:

    Well, how often do you eat pie anyway?

    I make it with butter because I can’t remember how to use a rolling pin. Don’t tell my late mother.

  173. 173.

    Jay S

    August 17, 2013 at 5:12 pm

    @schrodinger’s cat: Warning, baking heresy alert.

    You may be able to use something other than traditional pie crust depending on what you are making. Bread dough or biscuit dough can work for some things, like meat pies. Graham cracker crumb is often used as well. But for a traditional flaky crust, AFAIK the fat is part of the process.

  174. 174.

    schrodinger's cat

    August 17, 2013 at 5:16 pm

    @gogol’s wife: Not very often, but my filling is pretty calorie dense too. It is a fresh grated coconut filling.

  175. 175.

    schrodinger's cat

    August 17, 2013 at 5:16 pm

    @Jay S: Will keep that in mind for savory pies but it will not work, for what I have in mind right now.

  176. 176.

    Jay S

    August 17, 2013 at 5:39 pm

    @schrodinger’s cat: The alternatives don’t have to be savory, although they are most frequently used that way. I think I saw Jacque Pepin do an open faced fruit tart on something close to pizza dough.
    And graham cracker crust is not generally savory, but it isn’t low fat and will definitely change the taste and texture.

    So yeah, for what you are trying to achieve you may not have good alternatives.

  177. 177.

    schrodinger's cat

    August 17, 2013 at 5:45 pm

    @Jay S: I think the graham cracker crust will be too sweet and also is a similar color and texture to the filling so will not be good. I am biting the bullet and making the crust with buttah!

  178. 178.

    pluky

    August 17, 2013 at 6:21 pm

    @gogol’s wife: Write on! It’s a dirty job, but someone needs to do it.

  179. 179.

    J R in WV

    August 17, 2013 at 10:31 pm

    @MikeJ:

    I’ve been getting robo-calls fundraising from all sorts of whack-job wing-nut organizations. The NRA asked me with a straight face if I know that the North Koreans were going to be coming to take our guns away!!!

    I laughed in his face and told him if he thought I was gonna swallow that I have a bridge in NYC that’s for sale cheap!

    Then Santorun called. Personally! His very own voice, asking me to stand with true Amuricans, and to stay on the line to talk to a fund raiser. I spent as much time talking to the fund raiser without donating as I could.

    Newt Gingivitus has called several times.

    Then I got a call from a guy who wondered if I was Jewish, he was looking to give his huge fortune away to his fellow Hebrews… I still can’t figure that grift out, but I’m sure there’s a good one built in deep in there somewhere.

    I donate to and work hard for progressive Democratic candidates, and both of us were union members our whole working lives… so I’m proud to waste Republican money on their nickel!

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