Why would you do this to your child:
The United States was not involved in the detention of David Miranda, the partner of journalist Glenn Greenwald, but was told it was likely that the Brazilian citizen would be stopped at London’s Heathrow Airport, the White House said Monday.
“This is a decision that they made on their own and not at the request of the United States,” White House principal deputy press secretary Josh Earnest said.
I suppose Josh Earnest is better than Kelly Green or Richard Organ, which are names people have actually given their children.
that’s nothing. i went to school with this idiot named ‘robin hood’.
The importance of being earnest is nothing to joke about, Cole.
“To be born, or at any rate bred, in a hand-bag, whether it had handles or not, seems to me to display a contempt for the ordinary decencies of family life that reminds one of the worst excesses of the French Revolution.”
― Oscar Wilde, The Importance of Being Earnest
I knew I wouldn’t type fast enough.
Cole, you’re just pissing in the wind. Don’t get me wrong, you’re absolutely on the right side of this issue, but you’ve cultivated the commentariat that comes to this blog. You have no one but yourself to blame.
As a kid I knew a Mary Christmas and a Pete Moss.
@gogol’s wife: It was either that or quotes from Lady Windermere’s fan.
I’ve known the following people over the years: Merry Christmas, Richard Breeth, James James James (yes, ALL three of his names were James), Flip Johnson, and Rose Darling. I’m sure there are many others that I’m forgetting.
The worst is the mistake made by our African-American receptionist: she wanted to give her son a biblical name, so she named him Simian. That’s right: Simian NOT Simeon. There was NFW I was going to be the one to break the news to her.
It really is amazing how flip people can be when naming their kids.
And I honest to god knew a Phil McCracken!
I said “My name is Josh, how do you do,
Now you gonna die!
Just doesn’t have that certain je ne sais quoi.
My son once had his hearing tested by a Kris Kringle.
I had a Jr. High School friend named Sandy Shoar.
What would you have had his parents name the kid, Borgnine?
Yes, but every time he as called an oxymoron in school, someone learned what an oxymoron actually was.
@Lavocat: I knew a David David in High School.
Just Some Fuckhead, Thought Leader
Does Miranda have any rights?
@gogol’s wife: That woman was an absolute Gorgon!
bill lear, of learjet fame, named his daughter Shanda.
My husband knows a woman who named her son Lucifer. I was concerned the state might consider this to be child abuse for real, but she did not seem to encounter any problems.
Mike in NC
There was a guy on my ship named Davy Crockett.
There was a professor at my undergrad named Richard I. Dick
...now I try to be amused
Josh’s nickname is Kid.
If it isn’t, then it should be.
As somebody who has experienced it first hand, having a name that people make dumb jokes about is not child abuse. My brother Hugh got more than his fair share of jokes, too.
@tybee: And to make it was he did it fur die goy.
hey! Another pass for team obama on shit you would have strung up gwb for.
The Other Chuck
I once worked with a guy named Brad Bradley
Maybe it’s a good way to help your child have certain qualities. I think I’d be in a better place if I was named Ninja McRichGirl.
@Mike in NC: There are still Daniel Boones out there too. Of course, they’re direct descendants.
I knew 2 musicians who named their daughter Amanda Lynn, a Memory Lane was at my college, and of course, everyone’s heard of Ima Hogg.
@Roger Moore: Beats a Mr. Jassell naming his son Hugh.
I went to school with a woman named Candi Graham.
We didn’t get the joke.
I just saw a fucking moron hipster on a little scooter with a tiny child one the back. Maybe on small back streets but this idiot was the six-lane main drag at rush hour.
I knew a Thomas Thomas in school, myself. And there’s a prominent Malaysian activist for the visually impaired; his name is Ivan Ho.
The father of English footballers Phil and Gary Neville, both formerly of Manchester United, is Neville Neville.
Jim, Foolish Literalist
Good lord. I just watched a panel of VSPs declare that Obama’s presidency is over because Hillary is claiming the mantle of party leader.
And Tweety made maybe the Tweetiest sentence ever, in the middle of bloating about how presumptuous it was for the Clintonites to start pushing her candidacy, roughly: “They’re already talking about who should be her chief of staff– I think it should be Eddie Rendell— why are they doing this? Where is this coming from?”
On topic: Krystal Ball
Did she have a sister named Tela?
There was a young lady I knew named Khama Nhist.
One of the nicest guys I know in the practice of law is named Richard Head. You’d think his parents would have been more self aware.
Also, I went to undergrad with a brother and a sister named, respectively, Forrest Land and Allison Wonder Land. She dropped the “Wonder” pretty soon after starting.
Well, since I’m commonly known to friends and family as Dusty Rhoades, I don’t mock, I did have a roommate once whose last name was Holliday. He had a brother named Happy.
@Amir Khalid: Went to college with a guy named William William Williams. We called him Bill Bill.
My alma mater has a professor Tom Tombrello, who always sounds like he’s stuttering when he says his name.
@J.D. Rhoades: hey I knew a guy in my Fraternity named….. nvm, Hi Dusty!
Bob Hope’s real given name was Leslie. When, as a kid, he was asked to give his name, he would say, “Hope, Leslie.”
@Mike in NC:
There was a guy on my ship named Davy Crockett.
I used to practice law with a David Crockett. He did not like being called Davy.
@piratedan: Hey brother!
I once met a Lieutenant named Louie, i.e., “Louie Louie”
Yes, this is not something that a parent could foresee, but still entertaining
I lived for ten years in Brazil in the state Goias, capital, Goiania, in which the chief of of police’s real moniker was Hitler Mussolini, and everyone calls everyone, even doctors, presidents or soccer players by their first and second names in Brazil. http://languish.org/forums/index.php?topic=9354.0
Just Some Fuckhead, Thought Leader
@J.D. Rhoades: I always thought “Davy” was too casual for the King of the Wild Frontier.
@Roger Moore: Sadly, no. She had a sister, but I really don’t remember what her name was. It was something mundane.
Went to high school with Michael Hunt once.
That’s like all the poor Russian boys who were named Melors (MarxEngelsLeninOctoberRevolutionStalin). The TV personality Melor Sturua dropped the “s” when he had to.
My childhood dentist was named Dr. Chew.
There was a plaque in the university library at my alma mater honoring a past librarian: “Hugh G. Dick, a friend of all students”.
@Amir Khalid: John Wayne’s real name was Marion Mitchell Morrison.
I went to school with a Frank Furter. I’m not making this up.
@Napoleon: I knew a Mary Christmas too. What’s wrong with parents?
I went to high school with twins whose given names were Candy and Brandy Alexander. They were both cheerleaders.
I went to school with a guy named Andrew Kit Jackson.
Rusty Kuntz for the win.
A person (or people) who jab at a bear with a pointed stick shouldn’t be surprised when the bear reacts.
It is legend in Northern Virginia.
We have an OB-GYN named Harry Beaver.
Sad but true.
And many years ago, learned of a jet pilot. Milo High.
Which was as good as “Captain Fifi.”
Dawn Slutz. Called a help desk line I use to man. Would never say her name out loud and would only spell it out.
the wife, when she was a librarian, once helped an asian patron named ‘shiding wang’.
Candace “Candy” Bahr from my middle school years is the worst name I’ve personally been confronted with.
I went to elementary school with a Donald Dick. In one year, the jokes went from being about the Disney character to the inevitable. Felt bad for the guy. It’s like having shingles and hives at the same time.
Worked at a hospital many years back, a surgeon there was named Harry Groth. Loved hearing him paged – “Harry Groth to the OR, stat!” He finally made them say Dr. Groth instead; seemed like a lateral move at best. Good times.
The Canadian lawyer who was a VP of the International Olympic Committee is named Dick Pound.
I also new a girl named Anita Dyck
Rather gives a new spin to the old saw, “candy is dandy, but liquor is quicker”.
I knew a guy named Dick Rasch.
Well, back in the day there was a mayor named Harry Baals.
And this politician’s name is Richard Swett.
We had a local politician who’s name was Richard Fale. He didn’t fail though.
Lucifer? (“And this is his little brother, Pazuzu.”)
Also, has the name “Dick” died? Are there any new Dicks? I’ve never met one under 60.
Krystal Glas was the dopiest name I’ve encountered (woman in my high school).
I once served with a guy named R.B. Johnson. Yes, R. was his first name, B. was his second name.
When he enlisted, they didn’t understand that, so they had him put “(ONLY)” after the R. and “(ONLY)” after the B.
You’ll never guess what his ID card and dog tags had on them…
Dude, you need to start dating younger men.
Gin & Tonic
Half of you are lying. I just don’t know which half.
@beltane: Was the first item on the test whether your son laughed at his introduction?
@raven: How are you enjoying your stay in Saigon aside from th…oh, you’re home. Nevermind. (What’s child endangerment in Peoria is just ‘Tuesday’ in Panang, etc.)
A story from the BF. He works in payroll, and at an old job, there came time to audit the timecards. One Nympha Ho was one of the cards. He had to check, yes, that’s the lady’s actual name…Nympha Ho
Ball Juice Cole is looking for any excuse at all to post more Greenwald bullshit.
I’d rather just see more pictures of his unfortunately named cat being a cat.
Gin & Tonic
@PhoenixRising: In Hanoi I saw two guys on a moped/scooter, and the guy in back was carrying what looked to be about a 2-foot by 4-foot sheet of plate glass.
@ruemara: I can almost prove that you’re mistaken about that, but am too drunk to Google the studies showing that Shaniqua gets 34% as many calls back to interview as Jane does, all other items equal.
Not sure about the numbers, but names that telegraph or clash with ethnicity are not neutral. (did a lot of digging into the data back before the Google was invented, when we were naming our child)
Although my assumption that Ninja McRichGirl comes from an under-resourced background may just be biased on my part. Point being, it’s a widely shared bias.
@Jim, Foolish Literalist: “I think it should be Eddie Rendell”
That’s just…priceless. He just can’t help himself. He’s basically the Honey Boo Boo of VSP’s.
@Gin & Tonic: Unless the reed basket strapped to the back contained a live feeder hog…and there was a toddler standing on the deck…that’s nothing.
In SE Asia, ‘drive carefully’ doesn’t even need to be said.
When we were arguing about names for Steve, was she pushing for Mongo?
Among some of these I either just don’t get (or aren’t that funny) that is hysterical.
@MGB: The first name my kid was assigned for her paperwork would be pronounced by most Americans as an obscenity preceding ‘off’. Is it possible that Nympha is suffering from a poor transliteration of something less…problematic?
@PhoenixRising: being that this isn’t my story, I don’t know all of the details, but from what I was told by the BF, she was from Vietnam (I meant to add that in the comment, but yeah, had a dumb moment), so in context, the name is not as funny.
Friend in college named Richard Slider. Dick had sort of a pointed head and close-cropped blond hair. Once he put on a pink turtleneck sweater and looked the part.
My father had a friend named Harry Grub.
Had a cousin named Smiley Elmo Clapp. Carried a copy of his birth certificate so he could write checks.
Johnny Cash apparently had a similar problem. He named J.R. Cash- Wikipedia says because his parents couldn’t think of a name(!)- but the Air Force wouldn’t let him use just initials, so he decided the J was for John.
@Just Some Fuckhead, Thought Leader:
He has lots of rights, none of which were violated by the UK authorities.
And then there’s the famous 20th century composer, Phillip Glass.
OK, I had to look up ‘kelly green’, because I’ve never heard of it – perhaps it’s an American-only phrase. But I still can’t figure out what’s notable about Josh Earnest. ‘Earnest’ is a surname that lends itself to jokes, but why is ‘Josh’ any worse than any other choice?
I went to college with a guy named “Timber Dick” (you can google him) who had eleven children. A friend of mine observed, “His wife must have liked the splinters.”
Because “josh” is also a very meaning to tease, often by telling a lie that gets the other person to overreact- the kind of thing an earnest person wouldn’t do.
Well Barney, while Joshua is a (now) popular, derived from the bible, first name, the shortened ‘Josh’ also means to ‘kid’ or to lie or mislead, in a light-hearted manner.
Please do not ask how I know as the irony, in this case, would be too much.
I went to school with a Randy Bass.
Nobody has mentioned Heywood Jablowme, Mike Hunt, or Dick Swetz?
I new a guy whose name was Jules Golden.
I heard of a guy named “Dick Tingle”, and I still think Dick Buttkiss is the most hilarious name in sports.
When we were kids, we’d look up people named Lipschitz in the phone book, call them and ask “You’re Lipschitz?”, if they answered “yeah”, we’d say “THEN WHAT DOES YOUR ASS DO?”” and hang up.
Meanies, we were.
Also I worked with a Vietnamese guy whose name was “Hung Luong”. It was hilarious when he’d get paged. Someone hipped him to the meaning of his name, and he was horrified (a lot of the Asian immigrants in this company were born-again christians), and I swear, actually changed his name to “Dick”. “Dick Luong” getting paged got the whole office convulsed. I don’t know if some joker pulled a stunt on him or what. He changed it back anyway.
My sister in law , who’s a teacher, tell the story (very likely an Urban Legend) of the young teacher calling the roll in her first class. She comes to a name she can’t quite believe…Phuc Ho. The sweet young thing hesitates, face turning cherry red, until a voice pipes up from the back:
“It’s pronounced ”Jeff'”.
I worked with a guy named Jaime Jaime Jr. He alternately blamed his grandfather and his older sister for not being male.
My parents gave me the middle name John. My last name is Thomas. Nobody pointed this out to me until I was about 25 years old. I guess they were all too busy making Wendy’s jokes.
Yeah, my parents did a pretty lousy job naming me.
But they still did better than the parents of one of my classmates, Will Swallow. I’m not sure how you screw up that emphatically.
I worked with Dick Hyman.
He had no sense of humor. Great musician.
@fuckwit: Dick Swett was a member of the House of Representatives from New Hampshire, and believe it or not, was Timber Dick’s roommate at Yale. (They were both LDS and asked for coreligionsts as roommates.)
I grew up in Pittsburgh when the mayor was Joseph E. Barr. Great mayor but he (and his wife) named their kids Candice (Candy) and Clark. (Sigh). When I lived in Indonesia, there was this university professor whose last name was Derajat (means “degree”) and he named one son Celsius and the other Fahrenheit. So, this screwing around with kid names is pretty common.
Well, my mother-in-law’s gynecologist was Dr. Diddle – and my husband got a vasectomy from Dr. Harold Stopp, who was quite well know in the area, so there you are.
Wow. And here I thought that my grade school friend’s name, Melody Tune, was OTT. She had a sister named Mary, too, which might have been worse. The other girl and the boy got sort of un-punny names, although they also started with M.
Richard Organ? I suppose ol’ Dick grew up to be a porn star. Not a lot of choice with a name like that.
Of course, if naming were truly destiny, just think, we have some 700 “Messiahs” in the US. I wonder if they’ll fight to get to see who saves us all.
There is such a thing as parenting malpractice.
Miranda is 28, hardly a child.
Peter Marshall, of Hollywood Squares fame, was born Peter LaCock. His son, of the same name, was a Major League baseball player of some note, and didn’t change his name.
@ruemara: thank you, miss prism
College basketball coach Maury John named his son John — who married a girl named Dawn.
...now I try to be amused
Some favorite sports names:
Stubby Clapp (baseball)
Dick Trickle (auto racing)
@Soonergrunt: I’m sorry, I’ve been over this a bunch, and I just don’t get it. I know I’ll feel stupid when it’s explained to me.
Dogtags probably ended up as “Ronly Bonly Johnson.”
I once knew somebody named Lance Spear – and no, he wasn’t a porn star.
Also knew a guy named Peter Brady.
I also knew a Robin Hood (everyone called him “Rob”), and a Gary Cooper.
My parents knew a guy named Keith Hooey, who married a woman named Rosie Hooker. I’m not sure if she got a good deal out of that, or not.