Sometimes I hate this website. I was eating Norwegian smoked salmon with a pepper coating on my bagel. It was not lox, fer fucks sake, unless you all have decided lox no longer means being brined and instead of cold smoked.
I’m an alcoholic, not a fucking moron, and my palate remains in place.
I hate you all.
Suzanne
Dude. Get laid. Like, yesterday.
LT
What the hell is wrong with lox?
I’m making chikcen stock as we speak. It smells awesome.
metalgirl
Take a chill pill, John. It’s been a long week already and it’s only Wednesday. Peace.
cmorenc
ARRRR you slimey seagoing scalawags, next one o’ya who looks at me sideways walks the Planck (that’s right, the MAX Planck), since yer energy level’s gonna be a whole level higher after ah kicks ya in the arse into the sea! ARRR it’s another John Cole be a pirate night.
BGinCHI
Thinly veiled attack on Greenwald?
Check.
This blog is getting really meta.
kindness
John you gotta know when to hold ’em & know when to fold ’em.
Forget about this. Pleanty of good stuff in our lives to be compulsive about. Us? Not so much.
BGinCHI
@cmorenc: In this case Polly is a cracker.
Omnes Omnibus
Why the fuck would you put that on a bagel? It goes with scrambled eggs. Dipshit.
John Cole
@Suzanne:
Ok, but it pissed me off. It was like making a pork shoulder and having pulled pork sandwiches, knowing exactly what I had cooked and eaten, and then having 50 people tell me I don’t know what I made and that I really had pork chops.
And it pissed me off.
Shouldn’t you be studying, btw?
Suzanne
@John Cole: Yes, I should be studying, but I’d rather fuck around on your blog.
Davebo
N. Atlantic Salmon makes me a sad. Pacific NW Salmon makes me happy!
PeakVT
Merry Christmas to you, too, Cole.
For you, an article on why we’re all fat. It may or may not make you less of a grump.
BGinCHI
@Omnes Omnibus: I never got your meet-up report. But I’ve been busy and not obsessing about the Peyton Place, so maybe I missed it. Hope you’re riding your damn bike, btw.
Suzanne
At least I’m not complaining about your other front pagers, accusing you of trolling your own blog, or emailing you 500 times a day asking you to ban [insert asshole’s name here].
John Cole
@Suzanne: Shine on, you crazy diamond. I had epic procrastination strats in school.
Gin & Tonic
I know you’re a lousy photographer, but the photo at the link doesn’t look like any lox or smoked salmon I’ve ever seen.
Gin & Tonic
I know you’re a lousy photographer, but the photo at the link doesn’t look like any lox or smoked salmon I’ve ever seen.
Citizen_X
Jeesh. Guess the no alcohol thing’s going kinda rough, eh?
zombie rotten mcdonald
Get back to the dirt, Suzanne.
Roger Moore
And that’s your problem.
ETA: +1 750 of Fin Du Monde
Omnes Omnibus
@BGinCHI: Meet-up was fine – bunch of nice people. A couple of them had multiple arrests from the Capitol Singalongs. Cole wandered off at one point to play video golf or something. I have had some weird personal shit going on so I have been off of the bike for about a week.
Gin & Tonic
@Roger Moore: I thought Montreal was on the last thread.
Suzanne
@zombie rotten mcdonald: I CAN’T HANDLE THE DIRT. Seriously. I try to read about soil grading and just fall asleep.
I can book the exam next week. Really want to get this shit over with.
BGinCHI
@Omnes Omnibus: OK, got it. Wishing you the best with life stuff. You can always decamp to Chicago and sleep on our couch, though you will have to do some babysitting and probably vacuum the mats in my car. I’ll do all the cooking and we have lots of booze though. You have to weigh the positives and negatives.
I assume “video golf” means “bathroom stall masturbation.”
Roger Moore
@Suzanne:
Cry me a river. I’ve been working through the National Electrical Code.
NotMax
(sticks head up for whack-a-commenter)
I think what people were saying was that characterizing smoked salmon as Jewish was a bit of a stretch.
Suzanne
@Roger Moore: I already did that exam. I have to pass seven of these fuckers. MEP was the first one, because it’s dreadful and it sucks.
Dirt is number five…..
SG
You may hate me, but I know from lox. All smoked salmon is cured with salt, either in a wet brine, sometimes with other flavors added, or a dry cure, before being smoked. Salmon is usually cold smoked. Gravlax is cured with salt, sugar and dill, but not smoked.
Alton Brown did an awesome show on making smoked salmon, using household paraphernalia. He brined the filet, dried it until it formed the characteristic pellicle, then cold smoked it with a homemade offset smoker.
Now if you want really good eats, try smoked sturgeon. It’s insanely expensive because the sturgeon population is declining badly. I’ll probably never eat it again, but if you can find some from a responsible source, try an eighth of a lb.
Roger Moore
@Suzanne:
Just wait until the one on vacuum.
Chyron HR
I think entire post basically scans to the tune of “The Boxer”.
BGinCHI
@SG: Smoked surgeon?
When Obamacare is defunded that will be common.
areallygoodhandle
Cole feeling sorry for himself again…yawn. At least he’s not blowing wet kisses at Greenwald. Cole is proof that republicans cannot think for themselves. Also, once a repub always a repub.
Redshirt
I realized John Cole and his good friend Ted & Hellen are like God and Satan in the Book of Job. We’re all just so many sheep wantonly slaughtered over a bet.
Omnes Omnibus
@BGinCHI: Thanks. No, video golf meant video golf – I keep telling myself that.
I get back out again this weekend.
Suzanne
@Omnes Omnibus: Hope this drama doesn’t involve that sexy young foreign lady you were telling us about.
Mnemosyne
For other Fitbit users with bicycles, I thought I would report back that Endomondo links up nicely with the Fitbit (it automatically uploaded my bike ride home from work today when I synced) but Map My Ride seems to be pretty useless (I had to enter everything manually even though it’s supposed to be linked).
It’s a little annoying that the vibration of riding the bike constantly turns the Fitbit off, but I guess I could get used to it if Endomondo is going to count things correctly.
BGinCHI
@Omnes Omnibus: Cyclocross season starts this Sunday. So good news it’s fun and lots of good community but bad news so much fucking pain.
Calliope Jane
@Suzanne: this will probably sound strange, but are you studying for the architecture exams? I have a friend studying for them, too, without a lot of success. None of his friends are having much success, either, so he’s frustrated. Is there a secret trick to these or something?
NotMax
@SG
Standing at the counter or sitting at a table, eating whitefish while staring longingly at the sturgeon and the sable in the deli case, does wonders for the wallet and provides some vicarious enjoyment.
Villago Delenda Est
We know.
Omnes Omnibus
@Suzanne: No, but I am not going to go into it.
chopper
you’re a mensch, John.
Omnes Omnibus
@chopper: Ha!
FlipYrWhig
@Suzanne: The worst part about soil grading is soil grade inflation. It’s like you can’t even give silicates a B minus without hearing from their diatoms.
replicnt6
If you didn’t hate us all, we’d be doing it wrong.
Suzanne
@Calliope Jane: Yes. To get a license to practice architecture, one must pass the seven divisions of the ARE (and do some other stuff). I have passed four and failed one. The one I failed happened to be the same week that I had to involuntarily commit my mother to a psychiatric hospital for being suicidal, so I wasn’t really focused on the damn test.
There is no trick other than that they suck. I have heard that each one is roughly equivalent in difficulty to the MCAT or bar exam. I only know one person who didn’t fail at least one, so tell your friends not to lose heart.
Suzanne
@Omnes Omnibus: Well, hugs to you, my e-friend.
Punchy
Theres Norway you could Finnish smoked Norse lox unless you Sweden the meal with some Danishes. Denmark the time and see how long until you’re India bathroom. Oman…one time Iran to the loo….Kenya believe it? Russian around after such an odd meal.
Next time I’ll stick to Turkey when I’m Hungary.
Howard Beale IV
Illegitimus non carborundum.
sparky
I bought 3 boxes of Cheez-its on sale tonight, and thought I was doing pretty good.
Punchy: That was pretty clever.
a hip hop artist from Idaho (fka Bella Q)
@Omnes Omnibus: Ha ha @ chopper.
Wishing you the best on the keeping-you-off-the-bike stuff.
If anyone wants to help my little NAMI chapter stay afloat, shoot me an email to FLSgreen at gmail. I’ll send you a link to where you can join Team Bella Q for our fundraiser.
SG
@NotMax:
I like me some whitefish salad, but sturgeon is the food of the gods. We’d have lox and bagels on Sunday morning. My mother used to buy 6 oz. of lox and, as a treat, 2 oz. of sturgeon. She’d get the counter guy to trim the leftover skin from the filet and get that for free. Once home, she’d portion out a morsel to each of us and then scrape the skin clean for herself.
Redshirt
@Villago Delenda Est:
LOUD WOOKIE CRY!
YellowJournalism
@John Cole: I took great pride in my procrastination skills. My greatest triumph was the five-page essay I wrote in the hour before it was due. I got an A-. Sadly, the one I spent hours on for the same class earned me a C+. I swear the prof was messing with my head.
Jane2
@sparky: My new shame spiral is pepper jack Cheez -its. Damn you and your delicious junk food, America.
Odie Hugh Manatee
It sounds like you are doing quite well. Have you punched your Mom yet? ;)
Suzanne
@Jane2: mine is the Meyer lemon cookie thins from Trader Joe’s. I also recently discovered the Speculoos Cookie Butter.
It’s seriously like my mouth just came.
Suzanne
@YellowJournalism: As an college senior, I had a ten-page paper and final presentation due at 11AM in an art theory and criticism class. I started the paper at 5:30AM, did the presentation, then went and delivered the presentation in my pajamas. (I wore a hat. Wouldn’t want anyone to see my bed head.)
A’s on both.
Omnes Omnibus
@Suzanne: I did something similar in a Political Modernization course, but then I got cocky and took the final while, let’s call it, still drunk. Bad idea.
ETA: The paper was on the social forces that were behind the development of the Mau Mau in Kenya. Yeah, it was about Obama.
Suzanne
@Omnes Omnibus: I took the SATs über-hungover. Don’t really know why I did that.
Omnes Omnibus
@Suzanne: I did that as well; that one worked out fine. I did the 30 minute blocks in 15, and the put my head down and napped. I have a weird talent for multiple choice exams.
ETA: I know exactly why I did it. I had just discovered that a (not so) nice Jewish girl* had a thing for me and who was I to say no.
*See how I tied it into the theme of bagels and lox?
SatanicPanic
@cmorenc: This comment gave me a case of the giggles
Mary G
@Suzanne: Just for you and your puppeh: pictures that will restore your faith in pit bulls. Hopefully John has gone to bed.
When is your soil exam?
Omnes Omnibus
@Mary G: Eh, I am an English Cocker Spaniel guy. Although a Boston terrier could be cool.
Suzanne
@Mary G: I have to pay $210 for the privilege of taking the dirt test, and I have to spend my next paycheck on a dishwasher, so I will book the exam in mid-September. I want to take it ASAP. Even if I fail, I’ll feel like I know what’s coming.
@Omnes Omnibus: Yeah, you had more fun the night before the SATs than I did. I think I was angsty/depressed, which led to the drinking. High school for me was a lot of misery and not a lot of action. College was the opposite. Muahahahaha.
I’m generally good at tests, too. Spanked the GRE. It’s a good skill to have. These exams are both multiple-choice and drawing, and the drawings are incredibly easy to goof up. The one that I failed was apparently because of the drawing. Feh.
NotMax
@Punchy
So long as you’re careful not to overthrow Greece should China topple.
BillinGlendaleCA
@Omnes Omnibus: I’ve had both. Grew up with Boston’s and have had Cockers for the past 23 years.
Omnes Omnibus
@Suzanne: I still draw like a drunken pre-k student. And that is on a good day.
Suzanne
@Mary G: Dawwwww! That last picture of the black dog with the white spots on the chest looks just like mine. I will testify that my Luna is very patient. Spawn the Younger started dressing her up with hairbands and necklaces, and my puppeh just laid back and thought of England. She is also very cuddly. She likes it when I spoon her. And she’s never even tried to hurt either of our cats, or my mother’s Chihuahua. She’s a dearie.
Redshirt
@NotMax: Siam is where we make our stand! We must protect our Continent!
Suzanne
@Omnes Omnibus: These architecture exams use a CAD drawing software that is proprietary and feels like it was designed in 1995. It is horrible. I can retake the exam I failed in October. It stinks, because I passed the questions portion, but failed the drawing, and I still have to pay another $210 and do the questions again.
Omnes Omnibus
@Suzanne: The English Cocker I had growing up would not have stood for that for a second. He was pretty and fluffy and arrogant and, at root, a vicious street fighter. Someone once described the Stones’ manager Andrew Loog Oldham as an upper class thug; well, that was this dog – a mile of pedigree, but if you put him in a near another male dog he would be hanging from its throat by his teeth in a second if the other dog didn’t go submissive immediately. He also figured out how to play solo fetch by dropping a ball on the steep driveway, letting it roll a bit, and then chasing it. Dogs are weird.
Calliope Jane
@Suzanne: thanks so much for your reply. I certainly hope your mother is doing better.
That’s good to know, about the difficulty. From what I’ve heard, they certainly sound ridiculous. I’ll just keep sending them good vibes. :) Good luck!
piratedan
@Suzanne: good luck on your tests! Let’s hope that the essay isn’t on moats!
Omnes Omnibus
@piratedan: I like moats.
piratedan
@Omnes Omnibus: well yeah, we’re guys, we’re in their core demographic…..
Yatsuno
Right back atcha big guy.
Please entertain me tonight. There is absolutely no way tomorrow can keep from sucking.
@Omnes Omnibus: A friend breeds Dobies, so as soon as I have a yard I will be getting my own Maxpuppeh.
Omnes Omnibus
@piratedan: I am really disappointed that my apartment can’t have a moat. I checked into it. It would violate my lease, what with me being on the top floor and all. Still, I might be able to convince them to let me build a star fort.
ETA: Enemy artillery concerns me. And sappers.
piratedan
@Omnes Omnibus: you could always put in some murder holes for effect and since you’re on the top floor, then a parapet wouldn’t be out of the question
Omnes Omnibus
@piratedan: Excellent.
/Mr. Burns
Alpujarra
@Davebo:
Makes you glow too…
Keith P
Jeez, what a whiny little bitch.
“Nova or Nova Scotia salmon, sometimes called Nova lox, is cured with a milder brine and then cold-smoked”
But regardless, who gives a fuck (other than JC)? Snobby bullshit when you make a big fucking deal about whether or not something is being called something that doesn’t fit your personal definition. It’s easier to call it lox, if you order it in a restaurant, that’s what you get, and goddamn, it’s just some fish on a bagel; get over it!
Tractarian
Just FYI, no Jewish person in history has ever consumed a bagel with sprouts.
Luci
Just a thought John Cole…. you might want to think about what aggravates you so much and why. Some of the assumptions you draw and how you react to others might have something to do with your current issues. Only you can say for sure about that, and only you can change it if you are getting riled up unnecessarily, but it might be worth taking some time to check out. Just saying….
gogol's wife
You’re the one who said you were having “Jewish soul food.” That meant you were invoking a traditionalist standard. It’s as if you said, “I’m having some soul food — fried chicken with mango salsa and a quinoa salad.” It might be very good, but it isn’t soul food.
Howlin Wolfe
Aw, John, I hate you too!
xoxo
Sea Subb
And except for 9-volts, most common batteries (AA, C, D, etc.) aren’t really batteries. They’re dry cells.
Howlin Wolfe
@Punchy: Ouch.
zombie rotten mcdonald
@Suzanne:
I only failed one, the design portion, but it was a year when 80% failed the design portion, so the problem was trickier.
Back then, though, all tests were done in person, on four consecutive days. The first three days were two tests each, 8 hours total. The fourth day was the design problem, 12 hours straight. I knew one guy who was so burned out by the fourth day, he sat there and couldn’t even start working; he turned in blank sheets after sitting there for 12 hours.
zombie rotten mcdonald
@Suzanne:
I thought subsequent tries were lower priced.
Bob Munck
If smoked salmon/lox is a problem, maybe you need to let out your inner White Boy: lutefisk on a bad bagel with cream cheese and SPROUTS.
And maybe a dab of Nutella.
johnny aquitard
New tag, please.
Klare
@Roger Moore: My sympathies extended. FDA food mfg compliance is one project of mine that is good reading when I can’t sleep. Unlike this gang who keeps me awake laughing or crying. John your food choices sound so tasty. Maybe not so healthy but one thing at time I figure.