Fuck. Shit. Goddamn it to hell. I was off on a much dreaded errand 70 miles or so from home. I pulled over at a store to purchase a drink. And now my almost brand-new truck is acting like the key doesn’t fit the ignition anymore.
I’ve turned the steering wheel, raised and lowered the steering column, called people for advice, looked online for advice, all to no avail. So I’m waiting for roadside assistance. In the 95-degree heat. In the middle of nowhere. With the cast of “Deliverance.”
Hope your holiday weekend is going better!
c u n d gulag
Whatever you do, DON’T GO INTO THE CORNFIELDS!!!
biscuits
I’m waiting at pharmacy after having been to walkin clinic. At least I’m cool. Sorry Betty.
PaulW
Watch out for that beat up oil rig with all those different state license plates on the front bumper, and you can’t see the driver or anything…
SIA
This happened to me in Scarytown KY last week. Turns out I was using the wrong set of keys. Hope you get outta there soon.
The Very Reverend Crimson Fire of Compassion
Are there banjos?
The Other Chuck
If someone says “you look like we could be related” … RUN.
dr. bloor
You didn’t leave it in Drive, did you?
The Dangerman
Sounds like it’s not recognizing the key fob; will pulling the battery cable reset the electronics?
Also, stay away from everyone that looks like Ned Beatty.
Dead Ernest
And almost impercevtively, the corner if the trucks grill turned upwards, like the beginnings if an evil grin …as it waited for the others to show up. No this use of cheap 5-40 oil would not stand.
JPL
What kind of truck? Maybe someone can find info on line.
Jamey
Should have thought of that before living in Florida.
Eric U.
you sure that’s not the door key? We had a lock cylinder go out on a Ford once, they were unapologetic
FlyingToaster
@The Dangerman: Might be that. I found my minivan reset itself when WarriorGirl left the lights on all night and discharged the battery. But the key fob isn’t necessary for driving (I don’t think; I have those black plastic-clad valet keys that don’t include the fob). Unless there are id electronics inside the cladding.
max
Ate my comment twice. So, what everybody else said, particularly about not leaving it in drive.
max
[‘?’]
JPL
I know you tried moving the wheel but maybe try that again
The Dangerman
@FlyingToaster:
I’m guessing (cars aren’t really my thing) it depends on the car; my car, my spare key (no fob) doesn’t do anything other than open doors, so no fob, no go anyplace (I carry the spare as I’m prone to locking myself out one a year or so and it’s a major pisser without the spare).
jak
@JPL:
F-250?
max
@JPL: Yeah. I know that even in old vehicles, if the the wheel is far enough over to start to engage the column lock, but not far enough over to fully engage the column lock, the lock cylinder will jam.
max
[‘Firefox problem.’]
Redshirt
“You ain’t from ’round here, ain’t ya?” {Banjos…}
MikeJ
Have you tried turning it off and on agai…
Oh, sorry, nevermind.
JPL
We all know that the cast of Deliverance live in north GA, so don’t worry to much.
SIA
Hitchcock films all day on TCM. Now showing Spellbound.
ETA. Crazy shrinks but great love affair, with a bonus Dali dream scene.
Anoniminous
Look for a safety lock or a strange button on the steering column. If there is press it while turning the ignition key.
At the risk of being hit, have you read the bit about starting the vehicle in the driver’s manual?
Baud
I hope you don’t got a purty mouth, Betty.
JPL
Ford f250: wont start..key unless you push unlock button on key fob I drive a Honda and my key doesn’t have an unlock button except for the doors.. hmmm
Betty, can you read the comments?
JPL
Betty, This site has online mechanics that will answer your questions. They might not know much about Deliverance though..
http://www.justanswer.com/ford/4s39n-ford-f250-won-t-start-key-unless-push-unlock-button-key-fob.html
srv
Are you sure it’s your truck?
becca
Don’t know if it’s the same prob we had with two different cars, but jerking the steering wheel frees our key action.
I believe in treatin’ steering wheels nice, but sometimes ya gotta get their attention…
jharp
I once had that happen at the airport pickup. (Pre 911 so I wasn’t immediately towed)
And what happened was I had 2 sets of keys on me, both for rentals, and inadvertently used the wrong key.
SiubhanDuinne
@SIA: Not to mention a great, great score by Miklós Rósza (“Spellbound Concerto”).
oldster
When you say the key “doesn’t fit”:
will it go all the way into the ignition, but not turn?
Or does it not slide in at all? Or only partway in?
SiubhanDuinne
Some newer vehicles have an anti-theft thing wherein everything just goes dead if you so much as touch the wrong key to the ignition, let alone try to insert or turn it.
Don’t ask me how I happen to know this.
Zagloba
Had something similar happen to my truck (99 Tacoma FWTW) last year. Key turned in the ignition just fine, but wouldn’t open the gas cover mysteriously one day. Drove it on fines over to the dealership, and they said the key and ignition key receiver had worn down together from long use.
Thankfully they only needed to make me a new key and not replace the ignition receiver.
raven
Take a rubber mallet and hit the key “in” and try it.
Yatsuno
Remember this guy? I honestly thought he was dead. But way to go Ross!
gogol's wife
@The Dangerman:
I thought he was the victim.
gogol's wife
@SIA:
I’m so mad that they’re showing all the rare items either in the middle of the night or in mid-morning when I have to be in church. And I have no idea what DVR is. I can barely turn on the television. I WANNA SEE THE LODGER! WAAAH!
Cathie from Canada
Here’s another possibility — my car has two fobs which can lock or unlock the car — one with the key on it, one without.
Whenever I lock my car, then I have to use the “non-key” fob to unlock it.
If I use the “key” fob to unlock it, then it won’t start. Then I have to sit there in the car and lock it again and unlock it with the non-key fob before i can then get it to start.
There is apparently some security related reason why it works this way — if someone steals the “key” fob, they still cannot start the car. But since both fobs are on the same keychain, they wouldn’t be stolen separately anyway, so its just stupid.
The first time this happened to me, the day after I bought the car, i called the dealership and luckily the service manager was available and he knew what the problem was.
My car is a Ford, by the way.
JPL
@raven: I saw that online but they said to use a tack hammer. The instruction said turn the key while using the hammer. Since my skills with a hammer are questionable anyway, I figure pain could be involved.
raven
@JPL: Lot less with a rubber mallet.
Betty Cracker
UPDATE: The tow truck guy was able to get the key in and start the truck (with great difficulty), but he says there’s an ignition problem, so I shouldn’t take the key out. I’m afraid to even shut it off!
Did I mention I hadn’t eaten all day when this ordeal began? Anyhoo, I’m on the way home. Now I’m wolfing down a Crunchwrap Supreme in the Taco Bell parking lot with the truck running. I dare not drink anything since I already have to pee and am an hour-plus from home..
? Martin
So… basically you’re just in Florida.
JPL
@raven: This might be one of those situations, that we never, ever find out what caused it, especially if it wasn’t in the proper gear.
Did you recover from the game? I’m not sure what to think about the defense on either side. Time will tell.
JPL
@Betty Cracker: haha.. Good news indeed. Forget about my last comment to Raven.
kathleen
Hey…my Jeep did that when new. Turned out you have to have a foot on the brake and the car in park before you can start it.
oldster
Glad you are safe, Betty, and I hope you have a safe ride home.
cwolf
Outsmarted by a smart key? lol
Trade your shiny new sled for a ”60 GMC pickup that can be started with any key in your collection & that will never happen again.
SIA
@SiubhanDuinne: It is beautiful.
PurpleGirl
@SIA: Later they are showing Marnie. Sean Connery before he was Bond and Melanie Griffith’s mother was the blond; and neurotic crazies.
raven
@JPL: No, the problem is I get so wound up I can’t sleep either way so I go about 3 hrs. We started 7 freshman on d, our best defensive player and best receiver were out, Gurley played sparingly and we still lost by three. Saturday is going to be very difficult but, like Clowney, I don’t think we can judge the O line by one game. A delay penalty on the first possession of the second half by a 5th year QB is inexcusable so I’m just as torn as everyone. You seen “Get The Picture”? Very good Dawg blog but you may not be that interested.
raven
@cwolf: Had a 62 with the 305 V6 but have had my 66 longbed Fleetside for 25 years,
SIA
@gogol’s wife: DVRs are relatively cheap now and even I can work one! And there’s always something to watch. :)
Trentrunner
@PurpleGirl: Connery had already been Bond when he made Marnie. All Hitchcock’s weird psycho-sexual obsessions with blondes and moms and chest hair are on glorious full display in this strange, strange movie
SIA
@PurpleGirl:oh wow, she was Melanie Griffith’s mom?!
NotMax
@Betty Cracker
I’d be much more afraid of eating anything from Taco Bell. We used to call the aftermath Gushin’ Roulette.
cwolf
@gogol’s wife:
No one ever has “…to be in church”.
NotMax
@Betty Cracker
I’d be much more afraid of eating anything from Taco Bell. We used to call the aftermath Gushin’ R0ulette.
SIA
@SIA: Tippi Hedren! My favorite of Hitchcock’s icy blondes. Had no idea whe was MG’s mother.
Yatsuno
@NotMax: “Gushi, center me on Betty Cracker!”
SiubhanDuinne
@PurpleGirl:
@SIA:
I am totally feeling my age now. I always do it in reverse — “What? Tippi Hedren has a daughter? Her daughter is Melanie Griffith?”
Because I can remember going to see “The Birds.” In the theatre. First-run.
cwolf
@Betty Cracker:
Oh,,, The good lord made the tree,
So we’d have a place to pee.
Holding it in is bad for your health.
raven
@SIA: Melanie was a slutty little thing in The Drowning Pool!
max
@Betty Cracker: UPDATE: The tow truck guy was able to get the key in and start the truck (with great difficulty), but he says there’s an ignition problem, so I shouldn’t take the key out. I’m afraid to even shut it off!
Time for a new lock cylinder. That’s actually not too hard to do, the problem is you gotta get a new key. Annoying.
At any rate, if the problem is the key won’t come out of the ignition cylinder, but the cylinder turns fine, then you can turn it off. Just gotta leave the key in the cylinder until you can get it fixed. If the cylinder is locking up, you are in for fun and excitement. (If all else fails you can yank fuses to shut it down. Or pull the connector from the alternator, although that can be touchy.)
max
[‘Oh, the fun you’ll have. Bet there’s a piece of metal jammed inside the cylinder, and if they pull it and pop the cylinder apart the problem will be solved.’]
SIA
@raven: That was the year I graduated from high school.
raven
@SIA: Babysan
askew
Man, that sucks. Hope you get home safe and sound and the car repairs aren’t crazy expensive.
This correction from the New York Times may be the funniest thing I’ve read in ages.
PurpleGirl
@Trentrunner: Thanks for the correction re Connery. I’ve been fascinated by the psychology of Hitchcock’s characters for years.
@SIA: I’ve often spaced her name, checking the Google the actress was Tippi Hedren, and yes, her daughter is Melanie Griffith. (One of Melanie’s movies I especially like in Cherry 2000.)
SIA
@raven: I wish!
LanceThruster
Stay on the road. Keep clear of the moors.
SIA
@SiubhanDuinne: You’re extremely young in spirit and thought, my friend. And you’re a killer punninator.
gogol's wife
@SiubhanDuinne:
I adore Marnie. It’s way underrated. Louise Latham is fantastic in it. And watch for Bruce Dern.
trollhattan
@max:
“Almost brand-new” means warranty and at least one more hilarious story about some dealership hump trying to tell Betty “Owner-caused damage is not covered under the warranty.”
I’ll be popping a bowl of Orville on Tuesday.
SIA
@gogol’s wife: If you see this, just checked YouTube, you can watch the full movie. Just search “The Lodger” and it’s the first one.
Steeplejack
@gogol’s wife:
You really need to get a DVR. I know you have cable, because you were talking about problems with your TCM feed. All you need to do is to swap out your existing cable box with one that has a DVR built into it. It works exactly the same way as the regular box, but the remote has some additional buttons (just like a VHS or DVD player) to (easily!) record programs. And the cost is not a lot. I have Cox Cable, and I think the price for a DVR cable box is an additional $10 a month. Well worth it, especially for a movie hound like you.
And once you have a DVR box you won’t believe you waited so long. Not only can you record programs, but the DVR’s internal disk keeps a buffer of (typically) the last hour of whatever channel you’re currently on, so you can pause (for a phone call, say) and rewind. And you can watch one channel while recording something on another.
Okay, sales spiel over. I think you’d really like a DVR, and it’s not hard at all.
SiubhanDuinne
@askew: Your link takes me to a fill-in form urging me to sign up for a Twitter account. Now that requires a correction!
Long Tooth
“I cursed my truck keys, until I met a person who needed rely on public transportation”.
Here endeth the sermon.
gogol's wife
@SIA:
Oh good. I meant to do that but forgot.
gogol's wife
@Steeplejack:
Well, I’ll think about it. But classes start tomorrow so I probably won’t do anything for a while. Thanks.
askew
@SiubhanDuinne:
Huh, that’s weird. The link works for me. I didn’t realize it was only for twitter users. I am not great at this computer stuff I guess.
raven
@Steeplejack: I love mine. I went with a VCR for years because I needed it as a second channel receiver for PIP but now I have both. It really has been life changing, I can set it from a computer or remote device and I don’t have to get all bent out of shape about missing some program.
Corner Stone
@SiubhanDuinne:
Now you’re just teasing me, you unrepentant harlequin!
raven
@Corner Stone: OK dicklick, let it rip.
Steeplejack
@gogol’s wife:
Trust me, it’s really, really simple. You just unplug your existing cable box, take it (with the remote) to the cable store or office, exchange it for a box with a DVR, bring it home and plug it in exactly the same way the old box was plugged in.
And of course you should call the cable company or check their Web site to see what their specific deal is.
gogol's wife
@askew:
That didn’t happen to me. It was a funny correction!
Steeplejack
@raven:
The pause/rewind/slo-mo is great for watching sports. You can examine any play you want, not just the ones the TV drones think are important.
I’m so used to the DVR way of watching TV that I occasionally find myself unconsciously reaching for the rewind button on the radio in the car.
raven
@Steeplejack: I wish I could figure out how to program in a 3 minute skip instead of the 5. I’ve tried every website I can for directions but nothing works.
BD of MN
@max:
I had to put a new ignition cylinder in a 99 Caravan, which was a dealer only part. The dealer keyed it for us to match our existing key… It wasn’t too hard, although I had to buy an anti-theft hex tool which I’ve never used since… (funny how the anti-theft tools are available at every corner auto parts store…)
raven
@BD of MN: The Mopar Vans are notorious for key problems.
Ted & Hellen
Is the big ass, obnoxious, gas-guzzling, road hogging, rich white trash pickup?
jc
Try pushing the key further into the keyhole. That happened to me a year ago.
PaulW
Betty, did you see the Tampa Bay Times editorial on Rick “Medicare Fraud” Scott?
http://www.tampabay.com/opinion/editorials/editorial-governor-phony/2139239
YellowJournalism
@askew: Hahahaha! Auto-correct is a bitch.
Betty Cracker
@PaulW: Burn! Good for the TBT. I sure hope we can get rid of that reptilian crook Scott next year.
lojasmo
Could be the brake actuator sensor. Or your floormats could be under your brake pedal.
tybee
@Ted & Hellen:
nope. it’s not about you at all.
Tehanu
@tybee:
typbee, you beat me to it and did a better job than I would have. Jeez, T&H are annoying little pissants, ain’t they?
Betty: glad you’re OK, hope you’re putting your feet up at home as I type.
steverino
@Steeplejack:
My favorite DVR trick is when I miss the first part of a football game; I can watch it from the beginning while it’s still in progress, and if I’m not too far behind fast-forward through commercials and half-time until I catch up.
Fort Geek
Is the truck plugged in?
Is the monitor connected?
/tech support (otherwise, got nothin’ )
Ted & Hellen
Oh.
So it IS the big ass, obnoxious, gas-guzzling, road hogging, rich white trash pickup.
Good. Then I’m glad it won’t start.
Ed
Had a key problem last year on a Honda minivan. Car guys knew nothing about locks and wanted to replace. That meant ignition & 3 doors. around $900. Called a qualified auto locksmith and he fixed ( not replaced) the ignition for $75 – all labor. Something to consider – if you can find a good locksmith.