I know most of you do not care, but if you want to hear the worst announcing duo in the history of the NFL, tune in to ESPN and listen to Chis Berman do play-by-play while Trent Dilfer provides color commentary.
I had to turn it off a minute ago because I was contemplating if I wanted to live on this planet anymore.
Keith P
Do you have no recollection of Rush Limbaugh or Dennis Miller (can’t even remember who their respective partners were, but it matters not)?
The prophet Nostradumbass
I’ll take your word for it. I have always found Berman to be an obnoxious blowhard.
guachi
They aren’t very good, are they? Dilfer knows football but he’s not a great announcer. I do like him in other aspects of his commentary, though.
But Berman is awful.
Odie Hugh Manatee
“I had to turn it off a minute ago because I was contemplating if I wanted to live on this planet anymore.”
Let me know when you find a better place.
Suffern ACE
@Odie Hugh Manatee: the rent is too high there. It’s always something.
PsiFighter37
It can’t be worse than Joe fucking Buck. The man announces a football game with the passion of someone reciting the tax code. And if we want to go with cross-sports comparisons, it can’t be worse than Tim McCarver or Joe Morgan in baseball. Those guys are the absolute worst.
Chris Berman is a clown, but at least he knows it. Any fool who calls himself ‘Swami’ has to know he’s not going to ever be taken seriously.
dhunt
Thinking of joining the astronaut program, eh?
Punchy
@Keith P: And this was post-nine-one-one, long after Miller went full fucktard and ceased to be funny. A ’89-esque Miller would have been comedy gold; current Dennis not so much.
MattR
@Keith P: IIRC, Limbaugh was not an announcer but was part of the ESPN pregame show.
Southern Beale
Vince Gill played Kansas City this weekend and got picketed by the Westboro Baptist Church. Watch him confront them here.
Odie Hugh Manatee
@Suffern ACE:
I heard it was the lack of amenities. Oxygen and important stuff like that.
lamh36
@Southern Beale: why don’t the like Vince Gill?
Roger Moore
@Suffern ACE:
FTFY.
Just Some Fuckhead, Thought Leader?
I heard Hines Ward Thursday night and wondered how long he’d be able to hold on to an announcing gig with the speaking skill of a 5th grader.
Omnes Omnibus
@Southern Beale: Cool.
Eric U.
I think I might be the only one who liked Dennis Miller on MNF. I don’t recall him doing any wingnut material.
Sunday night football was good back when it was on ESPN. They didn’t take themselves too seriously. The swap didn’t really work out for either MNF or SNF
Tbone
Thank you JC, I agree completely. It’s really terrible. It’s almost like they’re doing commentary for a funeral.
But it’s not as bad as when Berman was the announcer for the freaking Masters a few years ago. That was a train wreck.
Roger Moore
@lamh36:
Ostensible reason: he’s divorced and remarried. Real reason: they are publicity whores, and they thought they could get some attention by picketing his concert.
Bobby Thomson
@Southern Beale: That was pretty. “I’ve seen you on TV. You’re a real dipshit.” and “Are any of you guys Phelpses? Or are you like the C team?”
MattR
@lamh36: From a USA Today article at Southern Beale’s place:
Omnes Omnibus
Eh, I can’t stand Troy Aikman.
Bobby Thomson
@Eric U.:
Not blatantly political shit, but he sure did fellate the hell out of Kurt Warner. I remember some game where he christened the ability to hit the receiver in mid-stride as “Warner accuracy,” as though no one had ever thought to do that before.
Regardless, he wasn’t good. His only saving grace was that Al Michaels was clearly offended at having to share the booth with him.
Felonius Monk
Here is something interesting:
Mark Lass
Only if they paired Berman with Mussberger could it be any worse
I
…………………………….must
……………………………………………..throw
………………………………………………………….up
…………………………………………………………………….now
JustRuss
Put me in the “don’t care” camp, but knowing that it annoys you makes my day. Nothing personal, I’m kind of a jerk that way.
Liquid
Chris Berman reached his peak around NFL2K2; that was over a decade ago
MikeJ
When your foosball announcers are as bad as Tim McCarver, let me know.
Long Tooth
If he hasn’t squirreled away enough dough to walk away by now, it’s Berman’s tough luck. He should have been fired years ago.
I have a spot in my heart for ex-Niner Dilfer. He’s at least as astute as most color guys, and talks football sense to the viewers.
Dilfer joined the Niners at their nadir. He was, by all accounts, a stellar teammate. As back-up QB, he diligently worked to improve the slabs of baloney the Niners started ahead of him. When he was the starter, the games invariably went like this: “1,2, 3… punt”. At least once a game, however, Dilfer would lead a drive that resulted in points, usually a field goal. Of course, by the time he did that, the game had usually been long decided. And say what you will, the guy is a Super Bowl winning QB.
Morbo
Back, back, back, back, SAFETY!
lamh36
don’t know why I’m asking BJ but is anyone watching the Premiere of the “new” Arsenio Hall show on Fox?
Punchy
@Eric U.: Yes, you are very likely the only guy who liked Unfunny Dennis behind the mike dropping refs about Sofia, Bulgaria and wheatstone bridges during a football broadcast….
a hip hop artist from Idaho (fka Bella Q)
I don’t doubt that it was horrifyingly obnoxious. But please don’t trivialize suicidal thoughts with such a flip throwaway phrase. September is Suicide Prevention Awareness month.
On the other hand, if you mean you had to consider whether to self deport the solar system, rock on. As I mentioned, I’m sure it was dreadful.
lojasmo
Open thread, and you fuck it up with sports?
well played.
jl
Thanks, Cole. I’m an aficionado of bad football sportscasting. I’ll tune it to see if it as bad as you say. Rush and smarty-pants whoosits are stiff competition, though.
Omnes Omnibus
@a hip hop artist from Idaho (fka Bella Q): FWIW I saw it as expressing a desire to colonize Uranus.
ranchandsyrup
You’re with me, leather
jl
@Keith P: Miller. thanks. I should read the damn comments before I type anything.
a hip hop artist from Idaho (fka Bella Q)
@Omnes Omnibus: I figured that was just as likely, in which case my view is rock on, Cole – don’t forget to send an e-card. but my NAMI card requires that I speak up.
Punchy
Phil Rivers outplaying Matt Schaub is surprising. Adrian “Australian fer Beer” Foster sucking ass is not.
Omnes Omnibus
@a hip hop artist from Idaho (fka Bella Q): Yeah well, my inner 11 year old boy required that I do the colonize Uranus joke.
Aaron S. Veenstra
Berman sounds like he’s in a studio watching the game on TV.
Onkel Fritze
“I had to turn it off a minute ago because I was contemplating if I wanted to live on this planet anymore.”
Come down to my part of the planet, commentary is exclusively in Spanish. On ESPN.
Suffern ACE
I am never certain why they don’t hire Bob Ueker to call these games. It’s not like we care about the teams. Telling humorous baseball stories when it gets boring would be a nice change of pace.
Eric U.
I find I enjoy football more if I turn off the sound. Dan Dierdorf and Brent Mussberger are only the two most obvious reasons for this. The only problem is that the people who designed my tv think that muting the sound deserves a “mute” icon scrolling up and down the left side of the screen.
The prophet Nostradumbass
@Suffern ACE: I remember trying to listen to Uecker doing a Brewers game once on the MLB radio thing, and I had to turn it off, he was so terrible.
Omnes Omnibus
@Eric U.: Darryl Johnston isn’t bad.
@The prophet Nostradumbass: Heretic!
Carol Wyatt
well, how many years has Shannon Sharpe been on one of the commentary shows, while sounding like he was speaking with marbles in his mouth?
Suffern ACE
@Omnes Omnibus: I think he’s more hipster than heretic. Definitely hipster.
Omnes Omnibus
@Suffern ACE: We should burn him anyway just to be safe.
Mike E
@Omnes Omnibus: I wasn’t a fan when he played, but he has been more than fair as a commentator. Same for Orel Hershiser.
Tim McCarver would have quite the career here on this blog as a fence-sitting troll.
ETA T. Mc is the Billy Packer of baseball broadcasting
RobertDSC-PowerMac G4 Dual 1.25
It seems like the Dodgers needed some home cooking and/or Hello Kitty. They’re stomping the Diamonbacks 7-1. Juan Uribe has 3 home runs.
It’s Hello Kitty bobblehead night. Good times.
Short Bus Bully
Berman needs to stick to his “Fastest Minute Man” schtick or whatever the fuck he calls it.
Wait, that doesn’t sound quite right…
Keith P
Texans sucking balls tonight. I can’t even stomach watching them any more after that moron Jean had TWO holding calls negate good plays. Typical Houston sports (along with the failed 4th and inches)
Omnes Omnibus
@Mike E: I think Aikman carries too much baggage about certain teams from his playing days for him to effectively talk about games involving those teams.
ETA: I hated him as a player too.
Bob In Portland
When Berman first started at ESPN twenty or thirty years ago, his schtick was fresh. It’s not anymore, and he never was a play-by-play guy. That’s a problem when ESPN needs two teams of announcers on one day. I think they used Mike and Mike last year and that wasn’t terribly successful.
After watching so much football over the weekend I decided to forego the second game tonight, so I’ll have to take everyone’s word for it.
burnspbesq
@lamh36:
Divorced and remarried.
burnspbesq
@Felonius Monk:
That is indeed what the Stored Communications Act says. The Sixth Circuit thinks the Stored Communications Act is inconsistent with the Fourth Amendment. DOJ and the IRS are no longer pushing their luck; they are getting warrants and/or using subpoenas.
Mike E
@burnspbesq: I thot it was because he plays the mandolin with the devil’s toenail.
ruemara
Anyone heard from Sooner, re: soonerdaughter? Just curious.
Omnes Omnibus
@Bob In Portland:
Madden was a breath of fresh air when he started. He became a caricature over time.
Omnes Omnibus
@burnspbesq: Do you have a link to the 6th Cir. case? Not doubting, just interested in reading – especially since I agree with the result.
Bob In Portland
@PsiFighter37: Joe Buck is really, really awful, but when Brett Favre was still playing every time that Sam Rosen did the games it sounded like he did them with his trousers off while he pleasured himself in rhythmic glee.
Bob In Portland
@Omnes Omnibus: But his game is better than Berman’s.
Omnes Omnibus
@Bob In Portland: Buck is better than Aikman. As a team, they bite ass – and not in a cool and kinky way. I wonder how Pam Oliver, who seems to be good at her job, can stand being associated with them.
burnspbesq
Y’all have your fun tonight, I’ll be throwing shit at my teevee tomorrow night. Ian Darke and Taylor Twellman are calling USA-Mexico. ESPN needs to spend whatever the fuck it takes to hire Martin Tyler away from Sky. Or at least if you’re going to inflict Darke on us, bring McManaman over to do color.
burnspbesq
ETA: At least Darke and Twellman are better than Phil Schoen and Ray Hudson who call the US’ away qualifiers for BeInSport.
mdblanche
@MattR: Wait, wait. You mean WBC is now harassing people for doing something Jesus actually said was a sin?
burnspbesq
@Omnes Omnibus:
http://www.ca6.uscourts.gov/opinions.pdf/10a0377p-06.pdf
Punchy
@burnspbesq: whats wrong with the combo of Gus Johnson and Alexi Lalas?
Omnes Omnibus
@burnspbesq: Thanks.
ETA: Reading it now. I have to say, I have never bought into the good faith exception in 4th Amendment cases.
Mnemosyne (iPhone)
For future reference, if you’re ever setting up a website and think, Hey, maybe I should get set up as an Amazon affiliate so I can get a few pennies from these books and DVDs I’m recommending, don’t bother. Amazon will only take established websites as affiliates.
Desert Rat
@burnspbesq:
Ian Darke is great. And fat chance of Martin Tyler jumping to ESPN when they’re about to lose every soccer property other than US Soccer they have.
burnspbesq
@Punchy:
I like Gus. I thought his call of the FA Cup Final was really good. Fox doesn’t have the rights to much of any English football any more. NBC made a huge investment, not only in rights fees but also in infrastructure. If you have the right cable company, you can watch every Premier League game live either on teevee or on an iOS device.
burnspbesq
@Omnes Omnibus:
We may have to agree to disagree on that point. I think it’s a bit much to ask the average cop to predict whether, how, and to what extent an appellate court might change the law three years from now.
HR Progressive
Blasphemy, Chris Berman is a hell of a personality.
Not a big fan of Trent Dilfer though.
Joe Buck and Troy Aikman have all the passion and excitement of heads of lettuce while they announce. I fail to understand why they are the “A-Team” during FOX’s NFL broadcasts.
burnspbesq
@Punchy:
Lalas is OK for pre and post, but I don’t like him as a color guy.
Alejandro Moreno has a chance to be really good. I thought he was excellent on ESPN’s coverage of Mexico – Honduras on Friday.
Omnes Omnibus
@burnspbesq: I agree that the person relying on the statute in good faith should be immune from any negative consequences, but I don’t think it should be an end around on the exclusionary rule. Also, that case was pretty strongly worded on the unconstitutionality of the SCA. Judge Boggs who wrote it is a Reagan appointee and, based on a number of years of practicing in Ohio, I would not have expected it of him.
The prophet Nostradumbass
@Omnes Omnibus: I will say that Hawk Harrelson is much, much worse.
Temporarily Max McGee (soon enough to be Andy K again)
I have said it here in the past, and I will probably repeat it in the future: No one- and I mean NO ONE- has ever been or will ever be as bad a color commentator as Phil Simms.
eemom
if I may venture an honest question from the depths of my boundless and eternal ignorance of sports: what is the purpose of commentators?
I mean as far as I can tell, y’all spectators know what you are seeing, and provide your own commentary aplenty.
Seanly
I had the game for a few minutes and couldn’t stand Chris Berman’s play by play. He sounded very tired or something. Trent Dilfer’s okay for color commentary, but lacks any verve.
Omnes Omnibus
@eemom: Shit can get complicated.
Alison
@burnspbesq: Oh lord, no. I don’t mind Darke but I can’t take McManaman for more than about two minutes.
handy
@The prophet Nostradumbass:
You can put that on the board.
handy
@eemom:
Something about guards pulling the lineman or something or other, left tackle blind side safety argle bargle. Yay I noz foozball!
Temporarily Max McGee (soon enough to be Andy K again)
@eemom:
Their purpose is to provide insight derived from their experiences on the field. A good commentator is going to provide a few insights per game that the well-informed viewer/listener had not considered. A great commentator is going to provide those insights in such a manner that the well-informed viewer/listener will recall immediately when a similar situation occurs in the future. The very best commentators do this in an entertaining manner.
Did I mention that Phil Simms sucks? Because Phil Simms really, really sucks. He provides absolutely no fresh insight, he tells the same stories over and over, and he doesn’t pay attention to what’s going on on the field. Phil Simms sucks- and he’s still the #1 commentator on the CBS broadcasts. He sucks. Phil Simms, that is. Sucks.
Omnes Omnibus
@Temporarily Max McGee (soon enough to be Andy K again): Luckily most GB games aren’t on CBS.
Temporarily Max McGee (soon enough to be Andy K again)
@Omnes Omnibus:
Agreed. I will take the Buck/Aikman booth (aka Drying Paint) over a booth with Mr. Suck any day.
ETA: Bob Ufer could come back from the dead, and I wouldn’t listen if Simms was in the same booth.
pseudonymous in nc
US broadcasters need to develop their own soccer commentators. Most of all, they need analysts who can work with replay and explain tactics beyond the immediate flow of play, both during live coverage and at half-time and post-match. Doesn’t need to be as intensive as American sports, but it’s still missing.
That’s been tricky given the format — the lack of long breaks during play means there’s about two minutes bumper and 12 minutes of ads at half-time — but NBC has to be willing to invest in that, even if it means sacrificing ad time.
Jewish Steel
Chris Berman has the slurred diction of a lifelong alcoholic. But there are only 700 or so better play by play callers out there. So, you can see ESPN is in a bind.
Omnes Omnibus
@Temporarily Max McGee (soon enough to be Andy K again): I have been known to mute the TV and listen to Wayne and Larry.
handy
Come to think of it, the only good color man I can think of TV side is Madden, and as somebody mentioned upthread he became just a caricature eventually. I always thought Dick Enberg called a great game. I knew people who thought Pat Summerall was boring, but I thought he brought a certain gravitas to the game. Those Niners-Dallas games in the early 90s just seemed to feel even bigger with him behind the mic. I remember catching Harry Kalas on radio, he was pretty damned good too.
Temporarily Max McGee (soon enough to be Andy K again)
@Omnes Omnibus:
I wish I could do that these days, but I can’t pick up WTMJ in my apartment. I should see if we can pick it up at our new Packers’ bar. It didn’t come in well inside our old bar- fine in the parking lot, though.
Temporarily Max McGee (soon enough to be Andy K again)
@handy:
I always liked that Dick Enberg/Merlin Olsen booth. Dierdorf did a good job on his way up, as the commentator in the #2 CBS (pre-FOX) booth. Matt Millen was pretty good in the #2 FOX booth before he quit to run the Lions further into the ground.
handy
@Temporarily Max McGee (soon enough to be Andy K again):
Forgot about Millen. He was solid. Never liked Dierdorf I thought he had a little too much knack for stating the obvious (a lot of “they need to score a touchdown or field goal or they won’t score” kind of nonsense). I have only vague memories of Olsen, he never really stood out to me.
Temporarily Max McGee (soon enough to be Andy K again)
@handy:
That’s the wrap on Dierdorf in the MNF booth, and it’s pretty accurate, but he was much, much better before he got that gig.
eemom
@Temporarily Max McGee (soon enough to be Andy K again):
Thank you.
In honor of that kind and informative explanation, I shall add Phil Simms Sucks to the list of Things I Know About Football.
Yatsuno
@ruemara: I talked to him very briefly on Book of Faces last night. She’s still in hospital and they are still running tests, but they may have it narrowed down. I was waiting to see if he’d self-report, but I can understand his not doing so.
Keith P
Here’s a collection of tweets about how bad Berman is. Seems universal.
Omnes Omnibus
@eemom:
You won’t regret it.
Suzanne
@Yatsuno: Please keep us updated. He and his sprig have been on my mind today.
Temporarily Max McGee (soon enough to be Andy K again)
Bob Trumpy was very good, too, whether it was in the NBC MNF radio booth (he did that in the ’80s- Bob Costas was the play-by-play announcer) and in the #1 NBC tv booth with Enberg (Trumpy replace Olsen).
Jack Buck and Hank Stram did a good job in the CBS MNF radio booth, too. Whenever I think of either, I hear Buck the Elder calling for input by saying, “Oooh, Henry”.
eemom
omg, I just realized this Simms guy must be who my nephew’s middle name — Simms — is after. My sister’s husband is a rabid Giants fan, and when the young ‘un was born (he’s 18 now), I was like, wtf is up with that?
Guess he was a better player than he is a commentator.
Temporarily Max McGee (soon enough to be Andy K again)
@eemom:
For the sake of clarification: He was a great quarterback. He most definitely did not suck as a player.
The problem is that he played for the NY Giants. Manhattan-based TV execs have had a hard-on for former-Giants-as-broadcasters for over five decades now.
Omnes Omnibus
@Temporarily Max McGee (soon enough to be Andy K again): My brother swears he once heard Stram saying that someone was matriculating the ball down the field.
Temporarily Max McGee (soon enough to be Andy K again)
@Temporarily Max McGee (soon enough to be Andy K again):
“rap” not “wrap”.
Keith P
@eemom: And he was a pretty good assassin in Lethal Weapon 1
Omnes Omnibus
@Keith P: Phil Simms played Joshua? I thought it was a pre-motorcycle crash Gary Busey. My bad apparently.
Temporarily Max McGee (soon enough to be Andy K again)
@Omnes Omnibus:
That’s one of those quotes (the “matriculate” bit is from SB IV) that I should think of first when I think of Stram, but, alas…
Wally Ballou
At least you can mute Berman when he’s on TV. What’s exponentially worse is being stuck with him on radio (you know, the medium where the audience actually depends on the deseciptive abilities of the play-by-play announcer)… as happened with one of the NLDS series last year.
Granted, that was merely postseason baseball and not the all-important National Helmeted Slabs of Meat Crashing Into Each Other League, but still and all.
Steeplejack (tablet)
@Eric U.:
Belated pro tip: don’t mute, turn volume down to 0.
gogiggs
A few years back I had spent Sunday with my girlfriend and missed all the football. I got home late and went looking for highlights. Berman was on ESPN. Ugh, no thanks. So I went looking elsewhere: Fox Sports, CNN, Headline News, etc… No football highlights to be found, so I went back to ESPN and watched Berman.
I started wondering, is there an equivalent to Berman in any other field? Someone who nobody really likes any more, but has been around so long you know you’ll never be rid of him and, in the end, you’ll deal with him because it’s the only way to get the content you want.
And then it hit me: Ron Jeremy.
The more I looked at the idea, the more it fit. Both started in their industries in ’79, when those fields were in their infancy. Both were at least tolerable, when they started out. Both became sort of universally-recognized-yet-under-the-radar as cable and VCRs moved into most of America’s homes. By the ’90s pretty much everyone was sick of them, but they were at the same time somehow closely identified with their genre to the point that they weren’t going anywhere. And I was sadly willing to put up with both of them if they were my only options for football highlights or porn when I really wanted football highlights or porn.
Tripod
@Bob In Portland:
That’s just ESPN being cheap. They could just hire some competent pbp journeymen, there’s tons of them out there.
different-church-lady
Good to know I’m not the only one who was thinking that.
ricky
I really think the problem is our higher education system. Schools of broadcast journalism cannot produce the qualified graduates to fill all the positions created by the expanisve coverage created by the cable sports industry.
We need a Common Core curriculum and more pop sports trivia quizzes
at an early grade.
You may accuse Cole of hyperbole for suggesting out migration from earth over this, but when ESPN has to hire a fat guy from restaurant commericals to do play by play for a major national telecast, you will be soon looking at immigration from the stellarshpere to fill the void.