Parenthood (Afternoon Open Thread) by Betty Cracker| September 9, 20132:25 pm| 152 CommentsThis post is in: Domestic Politics, Open ThreadsFacebookTweetEmailThis really happened: Back in MY day, you had to get up and go bug your mom in person. Please feel free to discuss whatever.
Sometimes the child needs to learn to open for themselves.
Was it a beer?
I like kids but I don’t have kids. Usually I’m like “Eh, no kids for me, whatevs.” But sometimes I’m like “Thank Jeezlebub I don’t have kids or I would be completely bugfuck insane.”
I salute every parent who hasn’t gone bugfuck insane.
I love other people’s kids.
I am impressed, your boxers can type! Was it Daisy Mae?
Heh. Sounds familiar.
When my youngest son started that Mom. Mom. Mom. thing when he was little, every time he said, “Mom” I would say, “Brandon”. He quit it pretty quickly.
He’s twenty now. I let him live.
I’m nursing a football-watching related injury. I needed to lift up the sofa because I thought the remote had fallen underneath and I got splinters. I think I got them all out, but the sore spot on one of my finger joints is aggravating.
Still soliciting advice on votes in tomorrow’s NYC primaries for Borough Prez and Public Advocate. Thoughts? I’m currently leaning toward Brewer and Squadron but not out of real passion for them.
Wait til they get to the age where they ignore you completely.
I think the only possible answer is to text back, “I’m in the bathroom.” Even if it’s not true.
@Suffern ACE: Couch Potato Problems?
Bill E Pilgrim
@donnah: And you mean, that wasn’t his name, right? Clever.
@Top: It never occurred to me that you could actually whine in a text. Live and learn.
What would you call that? Twhining? Whexting?
a hip hop artist from Idaho (fka Bella Q)
Priceless. What was the reply?
Sort of on (text) topic – seen at Texts from Last Night (we all have guilty pleasures):
Just Some Fuckhead, Thought Leader
Still, it’s much easier to talk to your kids with texting, instant messaging and facebook.
@Mike E: Don’t worry, don’t they usually run out of money at some point? Even well into their 40s+.
Man when my kid gets old enough to do this he’s going to learn right quick that texting people when you’re in the same house as them will not get you a response.
You have to yell down the stairs. Like I was taught by my parents and, from what I can tell, like their parents before them…
@Shakezula: Rose and I raised a kid. Great person at 26. There was a time when I felt like taking him outside for a whippin’. Glad I didn’t do that.
Do kids make one insane? It’s a possibility, sure. One thing’s certain: they change your life.
Speaking of parenthood, and most seriously, has anyone heard how Soonergrunt’s daughter is?
Guess who got in trouble with a gun again?
I’ll share my conversation beginning Saturday with youngest daughter who is away at college as a Freshman. Her school is, door to door, about an hour and a half away. We sent her up with a leased 2012 Honda Civic.
This is my Saturday night, and keep in mind that her mother was, at that time, still in Tasmania on business:
Eventually, they came and dragged the car away after I called and told them to take it to the Honda dealer.
This morning, I get angry texts:
At least stewie does it in person
Haha! I was bugging my dad last night to help me understand (translate the arabic parts) the teabager stupidity in Egypt. I think I sent him 20 texts.
@TooManyJens: The problem is the other person is still alive. Under Florida law, last man standing is automatically innocent and the dead are guilty.
@Botsplainer: i am horribly sorry botsplsiner. I know you don’t want to go that route but she really needs you to turn off the phone and let her fail. Take the car back and tell her to take a bus from now on.
HA! My son and I have text convos like that………………..well, I’m the one doing the gentle prodding (AHEM, nagging.)
@TooManyJens: he’ll either shoot someone or be shot. It’s just a matter of when. The guy is disturbed and cannot handle that kind of scrutiny and pressure.
@TooManyJens: I am SO not surprised.
Because you have never done anything high-stress or high-pressure, like raising kids. (Or being a college freshman.)
@Botsplainer: Is that the same daughter who wears a bindi? You have a lot of patience, I must say.
You might want to look up ‘perseveration’.
@Botsplainer: I grok this in ways that you already know.
Does anybody doubt that it’s only a matter of time before this dimshit does something that will get him thrown in jail? It’s almost like he’s begging for it.
@Anya: Didn’t he get pulled over in Texas a few weeks ago for speeding or something? Not that having a lead foot is equivalent to having and indulging a gun fetish, but if his temper is as uncontrollable as I think it is, I just don’t want to be anywhere around him no matter what his weapon of the moment.
@Botsplainer: If it’s any consolation, this will pass. I was such a brat when I went to college. I wanted mommy and daddy to fix everything and if it was not fixed RIGHT AWAY, then it was their fault. Anyway, I grew up and I am really grateful to my wonderful parents for all their continues love and support.
@shelly: I don’t doubt it for a second. Only uncertainty is whether he’ll make it to the end of the calendar year without ending up behind bars again.
She’s the good one, and a pretty decent achiever (apparently, she hasn’t given up a single point on any assignment in school so far), but extremely demanding and abrasive. In private, we’ve discussed that she’s going to make her first and second husbands very unhappy with her expectations, and figure she will settle down some on the third. The middle one is the one with the motivation issues.
The oldest is the steady, normal, average and hardworking soul.
Hilarious! I’m sharing this as we speak.
Interesting. When I went to college, I picked one three states away from my parents so they wouldn’t bother me. Maybe these days parents need to send their kids to college three states away so their kids won’t bother them.
Ha, ha, these kid’s texts are hilarious….when they are someone else’s kids.
@Botsplainer: My roommate in college did that shit. Had her mom drive 200 miles each way to take her computer four miles to the shop to be fixed. Twice.
When my computer broke, my mom was all like, “Good luck with that.” I am so grateful to her for it.
My own kids are young still and yet they are precocious at being annoying. Yet I adore.
I don’t know. There’s a real possibility that his next brush with authority will be with the coroner.
Dude, I may have almost flunked out of college (you mean I actually have to go to class?), but I still knew how to dial AAA.
It probably didn’t hurt that my dad was two time zones away.
Gin & Tonic
@Anya: This is going to sound like off-my-lawn-ism or onion-on-the-belt-ism, but when I went away to college there were no cell phones or Internet, so more self-reliance was actually necessary, and I am grateful for that.
As to why a college freshman might need a brand-new car, I’m lost.
Comrade Colette Collaboratrice
The thing that is going to drive me bugfucking nuts about parenthood is this conversation:
Offspring: (blah blah whatever).
10 seconds pass.
Offspring: (blah blah whatever).
10 seconds pass.
Offspring: (blah blah whatever).
10 seconds pass.
Me: I am the only other person in the room! You can just talk to me without saying “mom?” and waiting for a reply!
Offspring: OK, OK. (blah blah whatever).
10 seconds pass.
He’s 10. This has been going on since he learned English. It’s a tossup whether I bludgeon him or myself.
Brewer is great. One of the best public servants I’ve ever had the pleasure of working with. Squadron is a diamond, too.
@SiubhanDuinne: in the past few months, he got pulled over twice for speeding. Once in Texas and another in Florida. The pressure will get to him. He’s unhinged (not that he was hinged to begin with) so he’ll get himself in big trouble. I just hope he doesn’t claim another innocent victim.
No. This is the youngest of three daughters. She really is a high achiever, just really demanding in an unpleasant way.
The bindi wearer is one year older.
Their oldest sister has been thanking me for my patience with her, and looks to do well.
@Gin & Tonic: I didn’t have a car in college. Neither did the vast majority of students. Parking was extremely limited and everyone lived on campus so one had to get a permit in the permit lottery to have a car.
I’m working to solve this one the way my parents did with me – by setting up the expectation that they would just shrug and say “so how are you going to fix that problem then?”
I recall that starting sometime when I was in kindergarten – since I had a number of younger siblings, I was expected to solve minor problems my own damn self from about the time I was 6. I’ve already started it with the kid for minor issues, though I imagine that, unlike with my parents, the question of “how are you going to get yourself to school” will not be something I expect him to solve for himself in Kindergarten. (No that is not an exaggeration. My parents were not neglectful but seriously – it was a different world 40+ years ago and while there are things that my parents did that make me wonder how I survived into teenage years let alone adulthood…)
@TooManyJens: They really know how to pick and publicize their icons of responsible gun-owning self-enforcers of law, don’t they?
@Gin & Tonic: Ha, the GI Bill was $130 a month when I started.
Someone must have been carrying some sidewalk while smoking a joint in Zimmy’s neighborhood.
You don’t always get to pick the murderer, sometimes you just have to go wtih the murderer that the Freedom Elves(tm) give you.
They would have preferred somebody paler. Or this guy.
Sometimes my wife and I will chat on FB with the kids in the room so we can talk about grownup stuff while they play with Legos or watch Good Luck, Charlie.
@Omnes Omnibus: Three years in the Army and 25 months in “combat zones” and I had to live in a fucking dorm because I was only 19.
@Gin & Tonic:
We weren’t going to, until we figured out that her bus ride to the mall for her job was three bus lines away at stops in neighborhoods that I wouldn’t wait alone in during daylight, much less in the evenings. I’d have let her use my jeep with me taking the Honda, but she can’t drive a clutch.
And I’m reckless in my willingness to go into dodgy places.
@Roger Moore: That scenario would also not surprise me.
I wonder if his scofflaw attitude (or at least just barely staying inside the lines) is at all related to having a judge for a father. Don’t mean to imply that every judge’s kid is going to end up like GZ, by any means (no worries, Omnes!), but maybe there’s a syndrome there, kind of like the classic “Preacher’s Kid” of a few generations ago.
@Botsplainer: She really is stressed and you’re safe to call on and blame. She’ll come around.
@SiubhanDuinne: I married one of them once, she was wild in the streets for a while!
Gin & Tonic
@ranchandsyrup: Looks like his soon-to-be-ex-wife and her father were involved in this incident.
@Anya: Also, I think his wife just filed for divorce, presumably adding to his stress.
Congrats Betty. You did the only honorable thing by obviously ignoring the pestering. I will assume that eventually said young one actually got up and came to ask you in person, but that is an assumption.
@raven: Trying to picture you marrying a PK!
Gin & Tonic
@Botsplainer: I taught my daughters to drive a standard transmission just as soon as they’d gotten the basics of driving down. I think it’s a basic life skill, like swimming. Plus, boys find it cool when a girl can handle a standard.
@Botsplainer: “I’d have let her use my jeep with me taking the Honda, but she can’t drive a clutch.”
She must learn. They all must learn. Save The Manuals.
Nags are made, not born I always say.
Gin & Tonic
@raven: Read that as wild in the sheets the first time through.
Speaking of whoops, there are more released papers flying out in LA.
Not much more in the AP whatever yet, so don’t waste a NYT ping. Oh, Father, Father, Father, Father . . .
@Gin & Tonic: I figgered when I saw domestic violence that he was having it out with his wife.
Now we just need to know who the real racists are here. Zimmy’s bro and father will let us know (unless our state sponsored troll with 2 names wants to do it first).
I made an effort about a year or so ago, and gave up when it appeared that I was going to die of whiplash. I was also positive that she was going to roll backwards off the road on every hill. She might be ready now, though. Maybe I’ll give it another shot during Christmas break.
@SiubhanDuinne: Northern Baptist from Barrington. Art student who ended up a professor. We met in an anti-war demonstration at the U of I and stayed together for nearly 25 years. Ever hear Richard Thompson’s King of Bohemia
Did your dreams die young, were they too hard won
Did you reach too high and fall
And there is no rest for the ones God blessed
And he blessed you best of all?
@Just Some Fuckhead, Thought Leader:
It’s true – if they don’t have to deal with you face to face they don’t have to deal with how you’re an embarrassment simply by being upright and drawing air.
Proof positive that there is a god.
@MomSense: Brilliant! I’m gonna quote you on that!
@Gin & Tonic: That too.
@raven: My brain was trying to make that work to the tune of “Do Your Ears Hang Low.” Probably not the intended effect.
Zimmy had a previous domestic violence charge from his ex-fiancee in 2005. http://usnews.nbcnews.com/_news/2012/03/27/10894561-zimmerman-accused-of-domestic-violence-fighting-with-a-police-officer?lite
Temporarily Max McGee (soon enough to be Andy K again)
@Comrade Colette Collaboratrice:
The secret is to say, “Uh huh,” every five seconds.
@Gin & Tonic:
Raven! Do not, repeat NOT, answer G&T!!
@TooManyJens: Click the link and see.
@raven: Ooops too late.
Getting away with murder probably hasn’t helped in that department, either. Some people think they can get away with murder, but he’s actually done it. For somebody who was reckless to begin with, that might have a tendency to make them worse.
@raven: Can’t, I’m at work. Will bookmark.
@Botsplainer: Mine now wants to work, too, and needs to switch out the off-campus (2 miles away) parking for something we may not be able to get. Oh, and she doesn’t like the cafeteria so we need to switch out that plan too. Also.
ETA she can drive standard, tho. On her 2nd clutch :-(
Mike in NC
Why the hell did that take so long?
We’re just hoping that we won’t be too fond of her initial two victims, because that will make us feel bad when the inevitable occurs.
@SiubhanDuinne: In 1969 there wasn’t much difference between streets and sheets in my orbit.
@TooManyJens: Sad song.
I bet it was fun.
We’re lucky on the location of parking – its on campus and a little pricey, but relatively convenient.
She likes her cafeteria, so that is a positive. If she wants little differences, there are several local joints right there at campus.
I feel for you, although that whole bit about “I am under so much pressure right now that you cannot understand” is total horseshit unless she’s a freshman at say, West Point or Annapolis.
I did that whole thing about “my car won’t start, what am I gonna do*” during my freshman year, and mar and par’s response was (more or less) “sucks to be you, but how is this our problem? Use your problem solving skills and display some fucking adaptability.”
*Translation: I need some money, send me some.
@Eric S.: OMG I learned to drive a stick shift in a town full of hills, do not want.
@Roger Moore: Quite so. And I think part of why he was able to get away with murder is that his daddy the Judge swung his
big dickinfluence around in the days immediately following Trayvon Martin’s death.
@MomSense: We certainly had our times.
I was going to post about this. Figured it would be a great way to get Ted & Hellen to ruin the thread. Muwhahahahahaha
I used to feel this way too, until I met and married my wife. She can’t drive a manual and won’t let me teach her. Gave her a fair amount of grief about it when we first met, now it is just an unchangeable fact of life. Minor upside, she never tries to borrow my car.
Bot – You must be a saint. We have no kids, so I hope you don’t mind if I just gawk. If I had to put up with that shit even once, hard to say exactly how I would react, but it wouldn’t be pretty.
I think you parents need to take it easy. If you can’t be a spoiled brat in your college years then when can you? I once whined to my parents that I was so unhappy with everything, strarting with my roomate, that I was leaving college. My mom traveled from Toronto to Providence, RI the next day to talk me out of it. I was calmer by the time she arrived (mainly because my grandpa bribed me). I turned out just fine and so will @Botsplainer: daughter. First year of college is very stressful.
any word on Sooner’s girl yet? Hoping all is well, yet…..
I never learned to drive a stick shift, and at the age of well over 100 I maintain that I’m too old to. eedad disagrees with this.
I’m sure y’all have heard this already but George Zimmerman just pulled a gun on his soon-to-be-ex-wife and father-in-law, is now in police custody.
Nobody could have anticipated ….
@Anya: If everyone just went to college with 100 hits of organic mesc they’d be fine.
Okay I see now y’all are well apprised of the Zimmerman situation.
Apparently his Narcissistic Personality Disorder went into overdrive after his acquittal.
@Southern Beale: The police are at the house where the incident occurred but it is unclear whether or not he has been taken into custody, at this point.
Thank god I lived in a town with plenty of hills because that was the only way to start my VW beetle many times. 2nd, roll, pop the clutch and go.
I don’t know about that. I strongly suspect he had a big head start on an acquittal given the local police force and the race of his victim. It wasn’t his daddy’s influence that messed up the initial investigation.
Loaner kids are the best. You get to give them back at the end of the day.
Expect Hannity to spend a hour tonight defending poor George. If George has a few more problems with the law, it might jeopardize his Fox News appearances.
@Botsplainer: You should write a book after the daughters are all growed up!
George Zimmerman gets away with homicide, feels emboldened, is arrested for a domestic violence gun incident.
Who could have seen that one coming?
In his defense though, I heard his wife left skittles in the candy dish and was near a sidewalk when George drew his trusty peacemaker.
My late wife had a 72 superbeetle convertible that had a problem with the throttle cable breaking constantly.
I can’t tell you how many times I’d ride on the back bumper giving it gas while she drove us home.
Yeah – talented, bright middle daughter flamed out like a comet over Jupiter, dropped out and is determined to struggle finding her way.
Tell me about it. My first year was at USAFA.
@Botsplainer: What they do, make you make your beds! :)
There came a point where the state-sponsored troll was reduced to accusing anyone who brought up his apologias for Sandusky of lies and distortions before he finally shut the hell up about it. We’ll probably need to pass through a similar point with his apologias for Zimmerman.
@Amir Khalid: Good point Amir.
Up in the air, Junior Birdman,
Flying so high off the ground,
Is it a bird, plane or Superman?
No! It’s Junior Birdman upside down.
And when you hear the doorbell ring, (buzz, buzz)
When you see the badge of tin, (tin, tin)
Then you will know that Junior Birdman
Has turned his box tops in!
It takes five box tops.
Four box bottoms.
And one thin dime.
Just read that CNN hired Zimmerman’s sleazy lawyer. So, he’s been rewarded for smearing a dead kid and for making the ludicrous reverse racism argument.
[Puts on wingnut de-I.Q.ing hat] “If only the lie-brul media would leave poor George alone he could have a normal life but noooooo, after convicting him in the press then having an obviously much smarter jury acquit him, they can’t accept reality and continue on their crusade to make him an object lesson in misplaced justice and thought-policing. He’s just reacting to the stress of these unfounded attacks”
[doffs hat] How’d I do?
@eemom: My very feminist mother insisted that I learn to drive a stick right outta the chute. She had been stranded as a teen and wanted me to be more self-sufficient. She bought me a beat-up Corolla manual, and said I could have it if I learned how to drive it. Motivation.
Mr. Suzanne, OTOH, never learned how to drive one, and thinks I am a badass. I need to teach him.
@Trollhattan: I didn’t know you spoke
jivewingnut. Person of many talents and yr right on the $.
@raven: Ohh Audie Murphy singing it!
@Trollhattan: Hannity’s will be calling for your opinion, shortly.
@eemom: I had to teach my sister to drive a stick after she had learned to drive on an automatic, and it was really hard. (She had to buy a car on a limited budget, and the coolest option was a stick. Fashion victim!)
It’s dangerous, like when you warn your kid to not cross her eyes or they might get stuck that way, or putting a nitrous system on the Toyota minivan.
Too much time wit da in-laws, I guess.
“Who you gonna believe? Our hero or his gold-digging soon to be ex-wife who is a convicted perjurer/known liar? Did you know that as terms of the divorce she’s requesting he pay for a life insurance policy with her as the beneficiary?”
Did I just go full wingnut? I think I did.
Two reasons I switched to Chesterfields while in college.
Reason 1: It was an iron-clad surety that the cigarette machines on campus were never sold out of that brand.
Reson 2: The conversation, as follows:
Someone Else: Can I bum a cigarette?
Me: Sure. (Proffer pack.)
Someone Else: Unfiltered? Um, never mind.
@Trollhattan: LOL nitrous on the minivan. Well played Trolly.
@Gin & Tonic:
I had a brand-new car when I went away to college, but I had to go to community college for a year to get it. The deal was basically, if you save me this tuition money by going to community college first, I’ll buy you a car. Worked for me! I had that Celica until some assholes stole it and stripped it and I still miss it.
(The picture is the right color and model year, but it was a hatchback.)
Anyone else here post this?
@PsiFighter37: Brewer, yes. No problem with Squadron, really, but having met & liked her I prefer James
a hip hop artist from Idaho (fka Bella Q)
@raven: Richard Thompson’s always seemed to me to be sort of the British TVZ. Achingly sad songs with pretty guitar parts.
@NotMax: We got C-rats with the little 4 smokes in a pack and Chesterfields, Pall Malls , Camel and Luckies were prevalent. Mama-san liked Kools!
I had a 74 Super Beetle and I still don’t know why it would periodically just refuse to start. That car just barely got me through college. I could see the road through the floor on the driver’s side and when it rained a little puddle would form. It wasn’t as bad as my roommate’s car though. She had bungee cords holding her hood down.
Not the ones you got, but some kitschy Luckies packs from Europe which doubtless would have been a hit.
@NotMax: Nice, ours were so old the labels were green.
Then there was all the yelling….
@a hip hop artist from Idaho (fka Bella Q):
Oh, yeah, he has that Brit folkie dirge thing down, but luckily counters it with some very funny songs as well. In concert he’s disarmingly charming and witty. His “tribute” to Janet Jackson is but one standout.
@Botsplainer: Just kiddin.
@a hip hop artist from Idaho (fka Bella Q): Vincent Black Lightning 1952
Tone in DC
I commend such parental patience.
@Botsplainer: I’m afraid I’m with aimai on this.
I went two states away and bought myself a bike (parents coughed up for the bus pass).
My sisters both went local but had been well schooled by my dad to call AAA first and home second. My brother went back to school two (different) states away; by that point my parents had learned to quit bailing him out.
I think this one is all “kiddo, if you want a car, you have to manage a car. If you can’t manage it yet, we’ll take it back and you ride the bus.”
@Botsplainer: I heard they grow out of that somewhere after 16. No one mentioned how long. That is mile wide river of patience you have there. You know, West Indian parents just beat you til you understand not to act that way. I learned to not contact an adult by 3. Unless there was blood involved, but usually, an adult was behind it.
My convo with mom:
Me: We’re now doing something called a position inventory.
Mom: What’s that?
Me: Probably a way to pick off a few more positions, reclassify for less money. Could spell trouble for me since my position is out of the budget in 10 more months.
Mom: Have you thought about moving? Or returning to NYC?
Me: I’d need cash for a move and if I head to NYC, I’d need a place to stay until I get work.
Mom (owner of both house and apartment rental unit): Well, you better come up with something. I have to go pack for my trip to Aruba, bye!
Bettey, just walk over to kid, take phone, turn it off.
@MomSense: I can tell you (having driven a 70 Microbus from 1989-2007). (And my mom had a 74 SuperBeetle too).
The hose that supplies the gas to the engine can do odd things. Gunk up, wiggle loose, even occasionally fall off (mine did that on the Mass Pike). It would often fix itself after trying and failing to start, the (new) gas would dissolve the gunk in the hose and the next time it started just fine.
A Statie advised me to add a Q-Tip to my emergency kit. After that, the only time the car wouldn’t start was when it got down to 4°F.
John M. Burt
I have an attention-deficit problem which can make it hard for me to notice even when a person is right next to me saying my name.
Fortunately, my youngest figured out early on that the same trick that works for adults will work for him: he will often say, “John. John. John Burt.” and finally get a reaction from me.
Maybe your True Name really is magic….
I’ll bet you can put two fingers in your mouth and produce an ear-splitting whistle, too.
Absolute necessity if leading the Lambeth Walk.
@Comrade Colette Collaboratrice:
I somehow hammered that out of the boy. Don’t know how.
I learned in Duluth, MN. Think a tiny San Francisco. The entire fucking thing is a hill.
I have watched a roomful of teenage girls, not even arm’s length from each other, sit and and text each other instead of talking.