Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

The worst democrat is better than the best republican.

“And when the Committee says to “report your income,” that could mean anything!

Too often we confuse noise with substance. too often we confuse setbacks with defeat.

They fucked up the fucking up of the fuckup!

“Jesus paying for the sins of everyone is an insult to those who paid for their own sins.”

But frankly mr. cole, I’ll be happier when you get back to telling us to go fuck ourselves.

Jesus, Mary, & Joseph how is that election even close?

Schmidt just says fuck it, opens a tea shop.

Republicans do not pay their debts.

Putin dreamed of ending NATO, and now it’s Finnish-ed.

Hot air and ill-informed banter

Republicans in disarray!

After roe, women are no longer free.

Shallow, uninformed, and lacking identity

Happy indictment week to all who celebrate!

When someone says they “love freedom”, rest assured they don’t mean yours.

Too often we hand the biggest microphones to the cynics and the critics who delight in declaring failure.

Give the craziest people you know everything they want and hope they don’t ask for more? Great plan.

Nothing worth doing is easy.

Joe Lieberman disappointingly reemerged to remind us that he’s still alive.

Perhaps you mistook them for somebody who gives a damn.

Never entrust democracy to any process that requires republicans to act in good faith.

American History and Black History Cannot Be Separated

Fuck the extremist election deniers. What’s money for if not for keeping them out of office?

You are here: Home / Now here’s a little story I got to tell

Reader Interactions

129Comments

  1. 1.

    Warren Terra

    Jesus Tapdancing Christ (who is one of the Great Americans. Chapter 3, I think, after the introduction and Ronnie Reagan).

  3. 3.

    drew42

    Out of curiosity, did it reach #1 because of actual reader sales, or because of bulk purchases by those right-wing groups who pass them out to their members?

    Never mind. I just noticed it said “#1 Bestselling Author” — not that this book was a #1 bestseller.

  4. 4.

    Roger Moore

    Members of the Communist Republican Party will be tested on their ability to correctly finish and interpret entries from Quotations from Chairman Mao Rush Limbaugh.

  9. 9.

    geg6

    Anyone who buys that for their child should immediately have CYS storming their home and taking that child away from them. If that isn’t child abuse and/or neglect, I don’t know what is.

  15. 15.

    The Other Chuck

    My god, that’s a kid’s book? That looks like the sort of thing I’d threaten to read to my (hypothetical) kids if they didn’t go to bed this instant.

    And does Rush Limbaugh really think he cuts a dashing figure as a colonial bobblehead?

  16. 16.

    ranchandsyrup

    He had a little horsie named Paul Revere
    Just him and his horsie and a quart of beer oxycontin.
    Ridin’ across the land, kicking up sand.
    Media Matters’ posse on his tail ’cause he’s in demand.

  18. 18.

    Warren Terra

    @Keith P:

    I will assume that “Exceptional Americans” in this case means mentally disabled.

    I read it in the same sense that “Extraordinary Rendition” means “Torture”.

  19. 19.

    KG

    From the Amazon description:

    he created the character of a fearless middle-school history teacher named Rush Revere, who travels back in time and experiences American history as it happens, in adventures with exceptional Americans. In this book, he is transported back to the deck of the Mayflower.

    I can’t wait for the tale of death and disease that was

  21. 21.

    Ted & Hellen

    I hope that Tsunami building behind him squashes him like the toad he is.

    But not the horse. He looks like a fine fellow.

  23. 23.

    The Dangerman

    Rush has the same problem Tobacco companies have; too many of his customers are pushing up daisies and he needs to go after the children. Just wait until his book on Hide and Seek.

    /Oxy Oxy Oxy Free

  27. 27.

    KG

    @NotMax: actually, that might be my favorite part of the obvious backfire that this will be… a reminder of the whole “we’re all immigrants” part of Americana… so, why again do we want to close the border if we’re all from somewhere else?

  29. 29.

    Litlebritdifrnt

    According to Rush the reason he wrote the book is because there is a Liberal Commie movie coming out at Thanksgiving “Freebirds” (I think is the title) where some turkeys time travel back to the time of the original Thanksgiving and take turkey off the menu that day, thereby saving the lives of trillions of turkeys for ever more. His beef is that the “pilgrims” in that movie were portrayed as mean old white guys by the liberal commie pansy Hollywood set, who were just absolute bastards to be honest so Rush wanted to “set the record straight” about the exceptional people who founded this country. I am assuming (haven’t read the book,) that he leaves out the “wholesale slaughter of the indigenous peoples of the Americas” bit, because you know that is how he rolls. I wouldn’t be at all surprised if he didn’t quote one particular Pilgrim who stated (after the fact) that the only mistake the pilgrims made was not making extinct the Native Americans (he was speaking of the white folks taking over the Caribbean and killing all of the Carib Indians). Anyhoo, for anyone who is interested Rush’s entire premise for his book is time traveling turkeys. No that is not an Onion headline.

    ETA I listen to the gasbag so you don’t have to.

  30. 30.

    LanceThruster

    I hope he at least puts it in entertaining verse like the late Theodor Geisel.

    “Shuck & Jive” is what I’ll call the Kenyan’s plan for Syria
    As my brain remains stewed from OxyContin deliria

    What’s the difference between the Hindenburg and me,
    One’s a big, fat, Nazi windbag…and the other’s the Hindenburg, you see.

  33. 33.

    MikeJ

    @ranchandsyrup:
    I got the horse right here his name is Rush Revere and there’s a guy that says that if the weather’s clear
    Drop dead
    Drop dead
    this guy says he should drop dead

  34. 34.

    Woodrowfan

    of course it’s selling, He heads a cult, and when the cult leader comes out with a new book, his sheep, er followers all buy a copy! See Beck, Glen.

  35. 35.

    Trollhattan

    @KG:

    Well then, we now know how they ran out of beer and had to make that landfall, stat!

    “I pray thee brother Limbaugh, do put down the keg and beist thou no longer bothering the sheep.”

  39. 39.

    jl

    @KG: And I thought the book was a gag! But it’s true, it’s true!

    “… he is transported back to the deck of the Mayflower”, punches a hole in the poor ship, which sunk like a rock, and all the Pilgrims have to float ashore aboard Rushbo.”

    I hope Colbert got involved in the ghostwriting..

  40. 40.

    scav

    How many of us haven’t occasionally gotten mind-bendingly odd presents from the grand-parents once in a while? ( Some of mine are looking rather better in comparison though.)

  43. 43.

    CONGRATULATIONS!

    Limbaugh can write?

    ETA: obviously he hasn’t tried to heave his enormous girth on top of the poor horse, or it would be writhing on the ground with a fractured spine.

    Yeah, fat shaming. I went there. I’ll go there again.

  45. 45.

    cckids

    @Keith P:

    I will assume that “Exceptional Americans” in this case means mentally disabled.

    I object on behalf of the mentally disabled. They are mostly sweet, caring individuals. They do not, on any level. deserve to be compared to Limbaugh.

  46. 46.

    jl

    @Mary G:

    ” Not to mention that Paul Revere was about 150 years after the pilgrims. ”

    That’s just a paleoliberal piety! You’ve been brainwashed, you sheeple.

  47. 47.

    bemused

    How can Rushbots look at that book cover and not finally realize they are horses’ asses for paying any attention to the grifter…oh, never mind.

  49. 49.

    jl

    The book does prove that the evil and inadequate Obama stole the idea of time travel from Rush. I’m sure Rush will bring that up on his show soon.

  50. 50.

    geg6

    @Mary G:

    Well, he’s a time traveller. He nimbly bounces from one time period to another. Next stop, antebellum South Carolina and John C. Calhoun, great American protector of freedom!

  51. 51.

    CONGRATULATIONS!

    Does it tell the part about how Rush brought syphilis to America from a well-used Dominican Republic rentboy and the disease killed off all the Indians?

  55. 55.

    different-church-lady

    See, that’s the trouble with stunt punditing: the stunts have to keep getting more and more outrageous.

    No wonder Olbermann went back to sports.

  56. 56.

    Bokonon

    If someone named “Rush Revere” wearing 20th century clothing had materialized out of thin air on the deck of the Mayflower in mid voyage, when things were going badly in the middle of a storm-tossed sea … I will bet that the Pilgrims and crew of the ship would have immediately thrown him overboard. As the Satanic emissary he would plainly look like.

    Glub glub glub.

  58. 58.

    feebog

    Next up in the series; How Rush Custer won the battle of Little Big Horn. Same cover, just color the wig yellow and replace the ship with some howln’ injuns.

  59. 59.

    PopeRatzo

    Before you feel too good:

    Lawmakers Who Upheld NSA Phone Spying Received Double the Defense Industry Cash
    http://www.wired.com/threatlevel/2013/07/money-nsa-vote/

    and,

    The Roll Call of Those Who Voted to Uphold NSA Phone Spying
    http://maplight.org/us-congress/bill/113-hr-2397/1742215/contributions-by-vote?sort=asc&order=%24%20From%20Interest%20Groups%3Cbr%20%2F%3EThat%20Opposed&party%5BD%5D=D&party%5BR%5D=R&party%5BI%5D=I&vote%5BAYE%5D=AYE&vote%5BNOE%5D=NOE&vote%5BNV%5D=NV&voted_with%5Bwith%5D=with&voted_with%5Bnot-with%5D=not-with&state=&custom_from=01%2F01%2F2011&custom_to=12%2F31%2F2012&all_pols=1&uid=44999&interests-support=&interests-oppose=D2000-D3000-D5000-D9000-D4000-D0000-D6000&from=01-01-2011&to=12-31-2012&source=pacs-nonpacs&campaign=congressional

    There’s a whole lot of “D’s” on that list.

  61. 61.

    Bokonon

    Maybe Rush Revere can attend the Salem Witch Trials as a spectator … and then, hilariously, get burned at the stake after he goofs up and preaches from the gospel of Ayn Rand!

    Oops. Rewind.

  63. 63.

    jl

    @Bokonon: I think they pressed the male witches to death in New England, instead of burning. Pressing Rush was probably beyond the the technology of the time. How many rocks would you need, and how would they build a bin to hold them all?

    I guess I’ll have to read the book to find out how they managed it.

  64. 64.

    scav

    It is impossible to distinguish that cover from what should have been a badly photoshopped parody of the what should have been the real cover. It’s that their reality lapping our satire again. Explicitly marketing to pick up the charity-bounce after that thing is rightfully mocked. Sharknado marketing only with more self-pitying bloviation.

  65. 65.

    Mustang Bobby

    Just in case someone else hasn’t already quoted the immortal Dorothy Parker: “This is not a book to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.”

  66. 66.

    TG Chicago

    Speaking of Limbaugh, just last night I happened to see what happened when he guest hosted Pat Sajak’s talk show in the 90s. Wow.

    Short version, he talks to some folks in the crowd about abortion. The pro-choice people in the crowd aren’t exactly articulate, but they still manage to render him speechless (who’d’ve guessed such a thing was possible?). He becomes a deer in the headlights.

    Pretty hilarious to see how badly he responds to any sort of rhetorical pushback. It’s on youtube if you’re interested.

  67. 67.

    Sloegin

    Conservative payolla. Rush fans will puchase no doubt, but don’t forget that conservative foundations, think tanks and the like always order a couple tens of thousands of copies.

  68. 68.

    Bokonon

    Maybe Rush Revere can attend the different secessionist state conventions in 1861, at the outset of the Civil War, and get the people drafting the articles of secession to replace any mentions of “maintaining slavery” with “maintaining our Southern heritage”. Because then, you know, if you seceed the right way, using the right word choices, then upcoming war wouldn’t be about slavery or race or anything!

    The right wing’s future talking points will be SO much easier.

  69. 69.

    shelly

    As a multi-millionaire, I’m sure Rush is donating all sales of the book to a worthy charity….Oh, ha-ha, what am I saying?

  70. 70.

    Bill in Section 147

    You know who else had a best selling book…

    I am sure all true patriots will have this fine book in their home.

    It is the litmus test of idiocy. If you walk in to the relative’s house this Thanksgiving and see that book you will have to immediately remember you forgot something back at the hotel/house/store, excuse yourself. You can call later explaining how your car had some malfunction. Honestly it is the least you can do to validate their purchase. They may not ever read the book or know what the story is about, but they know it pisses off the liberals and that is their raison d’être.

  73. 73.

    Bokonon

    That doesn’t look like the Mayflower in the background. It looks like a 19th century shipwreck in progress.

    Maybe the illustrator was having some fun … between that and the “let’s get it on” look on the horse’s face.

  75. 75.

    jl

    And what drugs did Rush use back in the day?

    Did he score some hemp from Washington? Or was he a wino, more in the Jefferson camp? What was Rush’s favorite patent medicine back in the day?

    And speaking of Rush, what was Benjamin Rush’s diagnosis of Limbuagh’s condition?

    Don’t judge a book by its cover. Might have some interesting stuff.

  76. 76.

    Davis X. Machina

    @jl: Burning was sentence passed after a finding of guilty.

    Pressing to death (peine forte et dure) was used if the accused refused to even plead.

    This tactic had the ‘advantage’ of not rendering the malefactor’s estate droits of the Crown, and therefore remain inheritable by his heirs.

    Men would usually have an estate to try to preserve this way, women and especially serving girls not so much.

  77. 77.

    lojasmo

    @PopeRatzo:

    There’s a whole lot of “D’s” on that list.

    Every democrat and every republican in congress is on that list you nattering bastard.

    ETA: Do you even bother to read the shit you post?

    “H. Amdt. 413 – An Amendment Numbered 100 Printed in House Report 113-170 to End Authority for the Blanket Collection of Records Under the Patriot Act. It Would Also Bar the NSA and Other Agencies from Using Section 215 of the Patriot Act to Collect Records, Including Telephone Call Records, That Pertain to Persons Who Are Not Subject to an Investigation Under Section 215.

  78. 78.

    Villago Delenda Est

    This is such crap. If Rush Limbaugh was old enough to be a minuteman in 1775, he’d have been a full throated loyalist, and would have been driven out of the 13 colonies after being tarred and feathered.

  82. 82.

    PsiFighter37

    I feel sad for the kid whose parents are stupid enough to buy this shit for them to read when they’re in elementary school.

  84. 84.

    Bokonon

    @Davis X. Machina: Besides, if you had a group of Puritan inquisitors press Rush with heavy stones in order to force a confession? Imagine the flatulence. Just … horrible.

    That sort of mishap could have ended the whole American experiment right there, over a hundred years before the American Revolution.

  85. 85.

    JPL

    Please, someone ask Rush why he is promoting the NYTimes on his cover. It seems hypocritical since he hates that liberal rag.

  88. 88.

    Davis X. Machina

    @jl: Fruits of a mis-spent youth — partly mis-spent reading re the Jesuit Martyrs of Elizabethan England.

  90. 90.

    Bokonon

    @Omnes Omnibus: True. And I am descended from a whole pile of those fun-loving Separatists (Cotton Mather included – speaking of the Salem Witch Trials).

    Quite a fun loving bunch.

  91. 91.

    CONGRATULATIONS!

    Speaking of Limbaugh, just last night I happened to see what happened when he guest hosted Pat Sajak’s talk show in the 90s. Wow.

    @TG Chicago: I was a Bay Area resident at the time and saw that – he was a local yokel in Sacto at the time (so appropriate). It made the news and not in a good way. I thought “who the fuck is this lunatic?”

    And here we are. The lunatic is running the asylum.

  94. 94.

    Villago Delenda Est

    If this were the 1770’s, Faux Noise would be screaming for the Royal Governors to deal with those fucking East India Company property destroying terrorists in Boston Harbor.

  96. 96.

    GHayduke (formerly lojasmo)

    The Prog is working his first shift. I need to run for wine.

    Rush Limbaugh is an ass, as is Pope Ratzy.

  97. 97.

    Enhanced Voting Techniques

    @Roger Moore:

    ITYM Sheriff Jim Clark, not MLK Jr.

    In Rush’s version it will be MLK jr who unleashes the attack dogs on the civil rights protestors – who are all white.

  98. 98.

    srv

    Given how authoritarian Rush is (except when there’s a demoncrat POTUS), we’d still all be speaking the Queen’s English and there’d have to be a formal tea break here.

  99. 99.

    MomSense

    @Bokonon:

    I’m a descendent of two witches–one hanged and one died in a Cambridge prison. Also, too a couple ancestors came over on the Mayflower.

  103. 103.

    ottercliff

    That’s not supposed to be Rush on the cover, is it? The big swollen head is there all right, but the big swollen ass is missing.

  104. 104.

    Bokonon

    @MomSense: Very small world indeed. I have Mayflower ancestors too. You have to love this stuff. One small group of people, one massive group of intertwined descendants.

    But I really, really hope that my ancestors weren’t the ones that persecuted your ancestors. When I found Cotton Mather hanging out the family tree, I literally threw back my chair, walked away from the computer, and poured a stiff drink. Oh no … not THAT guy!!!

  106. 106.

    joel hanes

    it’s hard not to feel good about the future of the Democratic party

    Further before-you-feel-too-good :

    Steny Hoyer, Debbie Wasserman-Shulz, and Steve Israel are the heirs apparent of the national Democratic power structure. They are not liberals — they are corporatist conservatives in the Dianne Feinstein model, well to the right of Eisenhower and Nixon.

  107. 107.

    PIGL

    @SIA: they do indeed have serious boobage, which they are all too eager to display, and at which which Newt is stalwartly not glancing.

    Here’s what’s more problematic: Lieberman and Santorum on Crossfire. I mean, seriously, WTF?

  109. 109.

    PopeRatzo

    @lojasmo:

    Every democrat and every republican in congress is on that list you nattering bastard.

    OK, you’ve never read a legislative roll call list before. See, you’ve got to look at the “no’s” on that list, because those are the ones who voted against this simple amendment (I can’t believe I’ve got to hold your hand with this stuff, but I’m glad to do it if it will help):

    H. Amdt. 413 – An Amendment Numbered 100 Printed in House Report 113-170 to End Authority for the Blanket Collection of Records Under the Patriot Act. It Would Also Bar the NSA and Other Agencies from Using Section 215 of the Patriot Act to Collect Records, Including Telephone Call Records, That Pertain to Persons Who Are Not Subject to an Investigation Under Section 215.

    You’ll see John Larson, Democrat of Connecticut and Nancy Pelosi, Democrat of California and C.A. “Dutch” Ruppersberger, Democrat of Maryland, all voted against that simple amendment to roll back a very small part of the NSA’s authority to collect information without a warrant. It doesn’t mean they can’t get that information, mind, but it means they have to actually get a warrant.

    The bottom line is the “no” votes received twice as much money from defense contractors as the “yes” votes.

    Don’t thank me. By the way, Tim Walz – actual Democrat, of Minnesota got $0 from defense contractors and voted “no”.

    Good to know who’s voting with Darrel Issa and who isn’t, amirite?

  110. 110.

    MomSense

    @Bokonon:

    We are descended from one of the Judges who presided over the conviction of another of our ancestors and they were also related!

    We’re also descended from an illegitimate son of John Winthrop.

  113. 113.

    Sly

    So that fat, useless Tory is going back in time to an era when Americans tarred and feathered fat, useless Tories?

    Good. Can scarcely think of a better use of time travel.

  114. 114.

    danielx

    I’m sort of surprised that El Rushbo was the first to come up with casting himself as Paul Revere; Breitbart would have loved the idea.

  117. 117.

    OGLiberal

    Smart money says that at least 1/3 of the white dudes on my NJ to NYC (and back) commuter train reads this. With eReaders, getting harder to see readers’ preferences but I can base my prediction on past, pre-eReader/tablet existence evidence. Still see dudes (white ones, of course) with shite by Coulter and, less frequently, Beck. My fave are the O’Reilly titles (the most common – because, you know, Bill is non-partisan and I’m not a partisan…I think both parties suck and one of my best friends is a black guy)…because these fools think they’re reading history. (And can’t wait for Bill’s long-awaited – “Killing Jesus”. It was a secular, liberal, self-hating Jew, pushed by his pagan Roman handlers, who crucified JC from his secret hiding spot on Golgotha.)

  118. 118.

    Bill D.

    Warning: if you’re logged in (or maybe even if your browser is merely accepting cookies), once you look the book up at Amazon, the site will think you’re interested in this kind of dreck and will suggest other books by Limbaugh and the like. However, you can go into your browsing history at Amazon and delete any items you’ve looked at to prevent this behavior from continuing. Hat tip to my tech-savvy wife.

  124. 124.

    boatboy_srq

    @The Other Chuck: My god, that’s a kid’s book? That looks like the sort of thing I’d threaten to read to my (hypothetical) kids if they didn’t go to bed this instant.

    And does Rush Limbaugh really think he cuts a dashing figure as a colonial bobblehead?

    Dollars to doughnuts it’s as suitable for kids as the original, unfiltered, unedited and unDisneyfied Grimms’ Fairy Tales. And that’s the best shape Limbaugh has been in since at least the Reagan years: his head-to-waist ratio is much less flattering now.

  125. 125.

    cleek

    remember, when liberals teach politics to kids, it’s “indoctrination”. when Patriots ™ do it, it’s history “coming to life”

  126. 126.

    boatboy_srq

    @cleek: … and with luck this piece of Revere’s horse’s droppings will have a smaller impact/distribution than Conservapedia.

  127. 127.

    boatboy_srq

    @jl: Can we use the entire first edition of this piece of literature fabrication? I’d think 1000 copies would be enough.

  128. 128.

    Evinfuilt

    @scav:
    It’s the head… it’s so big. his hands are so small that he could fit them up his nostril.

    It’s so bad… so horrible… my eyes, my eyes. they burn

  129. 129.

    West of the Rockies

    @Sloegin:

    Yes, too true. Rush’ll rake in another million bucks or so; his ego will reach, what, 20,000 on the Dow-Jones scale; he’ll find another foolish woman to marry him.

    Look, I like money — wish I had more of it — but, man, if I had the kind of money Rush is sitting on, I’d be living very privately and quietly somewhere in a beautiful natural setting thinking earnestly of how I could best impact the world with philathropic efforts. I suspect that sounds unlikely, but I just don’t fathom how people with such financial resources always feel the need to earn still more. Maybe I need to see a counselor.

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