Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

So it was an October Surprise A Day, like an Advent calendar but for crime.

Second rate reporter says what?

Their freedom requires your slavery.

This fight is for everything.

Let’s not be the monsters we hate.

Let us savor the impending downfall of lawless scoundrels who richly deserve the trouble barreling their way.

Red lights blinking on democracy’s dashboard

You can’t love your country only when you win.

Republicans do not pay their debts.

My years-long effort to drive family and friends away has really paid off this year.

Infrastructure week. at last.

A thin legal pretext to veneer over their personal religious and political desires

The GOP is a fucking disgrace.

New McCarthy, same old McCarthyism.

Fuck these fucking interesting times.

Whatever happens next week, the fight doesn’t end.

Teach a man to fish, and he’ll sit in a boat all day drinking beer.

They fucked up the fucking up of the fuckup!

If senate republicans had any shame, they’d die of it.

Is it negotiation when the other party actually wants to shoot the hostage?

When I decide to be condescending, you won’t have to dream up a fantasy about it.

“Squeaker” McCarthy

Come on, media. you have one job. start doing it.

Accused of treason; bitches about the ratings. I am in awe.

You are here: Home / Open Threads / Wednesday Evening Open Thread: Tech. Dudes.

Wednesday Evening Open Thread: Tech. Dudes.

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Because I grew up with four younger brothers, I knew this was gonna happen. Via NYMag, Andrew Couts at Digital Trends tests out his iPhone 5S’s touch recognition system:

… Lastly, I went with the most secure body part I could think of – and all I will say is that I had to take off my pants. Unlike the knuckle and elbow, however, registering my nether region was a breeze. (It was quite chilly, in fact.) And not only did I successfully register this private part with relative ease, I was also able to use it to unlock the device. I think you can understand why there isn’t a video of this one.

Of course, using your junk to secure your iPhone isn’t just gross and absurd, it’s also impractical – you won’t be able to unlock your handset in public without drawing some unwanted attention, for example. But given that you leave your fingerprints everywhere, and that hackers have already broken through Touch ID’s defenses using a photocopy of a fingerprint and some wood glue, your manhood may be the most secure option you have.

Now, excuse me. I have to go buy some Purell.

Apart from finding the brain bleach, what’s on the agenda for the evening?

Reader Interactions

75Comments

  1. 1.

    Jerzy Russian

    Is actually known to be a secure way to lock the phone? To find out we would need several gentlemen place their tallywackers on Mr. Couts’ phone to see if they can unlock it. He could probably find many men willing to do this.

  5. 5.

    lamh36

    @rolandsmartin 1m
    How idiotic is @TuckerCarlson? He called Obama’s “overcome far darker threats” comment a racial “dog whistle.” Chris Wallace was stunned

    @rolandsmartin 1m
    The next time a conservative rips affirmative action, please ask them to explain how @tuckercarlson keeps getting hired to do TV shows.

  6. 6.

    Fuzzy

    Why don’t they just use eye recognition? Look at your phone and it works, if it isn’t the correct eye pattern, it doesn’t. I am not speaking of the “one eyed weasel” either.

  9. 9.

    Xantar

    @Fuzzy:

    Aside from the technical issues, I suspect a lot of people like to unlock their phone while not looking at it because they are in the middle of a conversation or something.

  14. 14.

    Jim, Foolish Literalist

    @lamh36: I predict that, not content with having been the only pundit fired by all three cable news networks, Tucker Carlson will by 2015 have been fired by all three cable networks twice, after Kindly Doc Maddow convinces her producers to bring him in from the cold, and he fucks that up too.

    Then again, considering he has a Romney-size trust fund, maybe he works for make up and attention and saves Uncle Rupert the cost of writing checks to the likes of Ben Shapiro or Nick Gillespie

  17. 17.

    dmsilev

    I’m not sure I’m convinced that authentication technique is really a good idea. For starters, it really raises the stakes if a mugger takes your phone and decides that he needs the appropriate body part to unlock it.

  18. 18.

    jl

    @lamh36: Even though I can’t knock back a few stiff shots right now, I watched the clip.

    Why wasn’t Carlson pleased that Obama outed himself as a ‘dark threat’?

    What that a race card or a double reverse race card secret message to the dark legions?

    Edit: I think Carlson is picked up by companies because he makes everyone else look like Orwell, Murrow and Cronkite all rolled into one super journalist. Even fricken Chris Wallace.

  20. 20.

    Betty Cracker

    @lamh36: Wow. That comment from Carlson is the stupidest thing I’ve heard all day. And trust me, that’s saying something.

  21. 21.

    Suffern ACE

    @The Other Chuck: nah. At that point, we all pretty much are identical. Although when the phone is set to silent mode, it’s kind of pleasant in ways we’re not supposed to admit to out loud in our puritanical culture.

  22. 22.

    Bob In Portland

    Wouldn’t the various states of penile erection or lack thereof give different readings?

    Also, supposedly everyone has different fingerprints. Does everyone have different dickprints?

  23. 23.

    currants

    Came across this today, and, well, BRAVO.
    “A politically motivated, decades-long war on expertise has eroded the popular consensus on a wide variety of scientifically validated topics. Everything, from evolution to the origins of climate change, is mistakenly up for grabs again. Scientific certainty is just another thing for two people to “debate” on television. And because comments sections tend to be a grotesque reflection of the media culture surrounding them, the cynical work of undermining bedrock scientific doctrine is now being done beneath our own stories, within a website devoted to championing science.” So they’re shutting off comments. http://www.popsci.com/science/article/2013-09/why-were-shutting-our-comments

  24. 24.

    dmsilev

    @Xantar: The really funny thing is that the wingnutterati were working themselves into the usual froth to go after anyone who voted for cloture (on the grounds that once cloture passes, those Evil Demoncrats will be able to un-defund Obamacare with their totally unfair majority of the votes). And now, said wingnuts will either have to defroth themselves (yeah, right), go after every Senator in the caucus including Cruz, or tie themselves into rhetorical knots pretending that somehow this was different.

  26. 26.

    Emma

    Am I the only one who got an attack of the giggles reading that excerpt? And who thought, well, women may have a higher level of difficulty there?

  29. 29.

    jl

    Need to get a phone that can read bite marks. Then you could just shove the damn phone in your mouth.

    It would also encourage people to finish their meals, for fear of leaving tooth patterns for hackers.

  31. 31.

    Suffern ACE

    @jl: it takes some training, but it can be done. I have been beating my old scores at fruit ninja since I made the switch.

  32. 32.

    ruemara

    @srv: I predict pr0n flicks will be the next gestural device programming.

    Getting ready for my interview with new leave behind booklets of designs plus resume, and starting the prettification attempts today. It takes a while. I’m prettifying resistant. I ran out of ink and reasoned that if I get a job, I will be able to afford an oil change really quickly anyway. Yay, me!

  33. 33.

    Villago Delenda Est

    @lamh36:

    How does Tucker Carlson keep showing up on MSM gigs? Pretty much the same way that the deserting coward got into Yale…affirmative action for the wealthy. “Legacy”.

  35. 35.

    Central Planning

    My Tunch “Feed” poster shipped today. We’ll be happily waiting for it.

    And did anyone notice Cruz say “Americans do not like green eggs and ham”? He clearly does not know how GEAH ends. Typical.

  36. 36.

    Redshift

    @dmsilev:

    And now, said wingnuts will either have to defroth themselves (yeah, right), go after every Senator in the caucus including Cruz, or tie themselves into rhetorical knots pretending that somehow this was different.

    Per KagroX on Twitter, apparently Cruz’s fans are insisting that this wasn’t actually a cloture vote. So they’re definitely going with the “rhetorical knots” option.

  37. 37.

    burnspbesq

    Back on topic.

    What am I doing tonight? Mocking Cincinnati Reds fans. Folks, if your team can’t win a series at home against the Mets, you shouldn’t be talking about making a deep playoff run.

    Also breathing a sigh of relief that Hannibal Suarez didn’t try to eat any ManU players on his return to the Liverpool lineup.

  38. 38.

    jl

    TPM says GOP base is ‘confused’ by 100 to 0 Senate vote today.

    Do tell.

    Senate GOP’s Constituents Are Confused About Obamacare Vote
    http://talkingpointsmemo.com/dc/senate-gop-s-constituents-are-confused-about-obamacare-vote

    A commenter someplace said Boehner was going to support weekly continuing resolutions on budget. But I can’t find it in the news. Anyone have a link?

    That would be interesting. I guess that might be the best the poor schlub can do. Hold weekly symbolic hysterical ideological pity parties for the base and then vote to keep the fed govt. open.

    That would stink up the GOP brand with general public, but not as much as a shutdown, and would be nice practice for the debt limit show.

    Is the base that stupid? If not, would be a lose lose.

  45. 45.

    Jim, Foolish Literalist

    @jl: RObert Costa of NRO was on MSNBC

    GOP senators tell me House Republicans may pass a short-term continuing resolution to fund the government into early October. “It’d be a short-term, clean CR,” says one senator. “It’d fund the government for a week or so and keep us talking,” says another senator. “I think that’s where they’re moving.”

  50. 50.

    kindness

    You could unlock your phone in public fairly easily if you were properly wearing a kilt. Others probably would be offended if you then handed them your phone and insist they talk to someone on it.

    On the other hand I can see the juvenile cries of ‘your phone smells like dick!’. I mean hey, I was a young thing once.

  53. 53.

    lamh36

    Oh, so Newt Gingrich is a lying ratfucking hypocrite! Naw, REALLY…

    Is Newt Gingrich breaking CNN’s rules?
    By HADAS GOLD | 9/25/13 5:38 PM EDT

    Just weeks into his new role, CNN Crossfire host Newt Gingrich has already broken some ethical rules set forth by the network’s executive vice president of standards and practices, according to a new report from Media Matters For America, the liberal watchdog group.

    CNN EVP for standards and practices Rick Davis told Media Matters in early September that Gingrich would be required to disclose if he or a PAC he is connected to is donating to a candidate who appeared or was discussed on the show.

    “If Newt is helping fund a candidate and that candidate’s on the show, or being discussed on the show, of course he’ll disclose that,” Davis said. “Disclosure is important when it’s relevant.”

    Sen. Rand Paul (R-Ky.) has been a guest on Crossfire and Sen. Ted Cruz (R-Texas) has been a topic on the show. Mother Jones reports that Gingrich’s PAC has donated to both Senators recently, and that Gingrich didn’t make note of the donations in either episode.

    Requests for comment to CNN were not returned.

  63. 63.

    jl

    @daverave:

    ” If they would only go to CRs that were good for just a day, think of all the mischief that could be avoided. ”

    Dude, then just trade ’em on the repo market. We could read the discounts and they’d cover it on the business cable news. Cool.

  65. 65.

    PsiFighter37

    This sounds like something Carlos Danger would be into – already prepped and ready to go, might as well use it to unlock your phone as well!

  66. 66.

    rikyrah

    Obamacare: A Fact or Fifty
    By utaustinliberal

    1. Starting now and on October 1st you can go to healthcare.gov or call (1-800-318-2596; TTY: 1-855-889-4325) to compare options and select health coverage.

    2. Thanks to ObamaCare, insurance companies must cover mental health, substance-use disorder, alcohol misuse screening, domestic violence screening, depression screening, etc. under “essential health benefits.”

    3. ObamaCare will increase the need for doctors, nurses, nurse practitioners, medical assistants, health information specialists, medical billers, medical sonography, home-care aides, lab technicians, etc. Now, that’s job creation!

    4. 360,000 Small Businesses have taken advantage of the Small Business Healthcare Tax Credit to insure 2 million workers.

    5. ObamaCare will change work and retirement by tilting power from employers to employees.

    6. Young Americans (18-34) are eager to purchase health insurance through ObamaCare.

    7. ObamaCare saved 6.8 million consumers $1.2 billion on health insurance premiums in 2012.

    8. An easy and informative Twitter list of ObamaCare health insurance exchanges.

    9. 63% of young adults who identify as Republicans enrolled in their parents health plans under ObamaCare.

    10. Health insurance premiums will cost dramatically less under the ObamaCare exchange marketplace.

    for the other 40 facts about OBAMACARE, go here:

    http://theobamadiary.com/2013/09/25/obamacare-a-fact-or-fifty/#comment-837932

  67. 67.

    rikyrah

    Sometimes, I just gotta LOL while watching Rev. Al, because ever so often, the BLACK just slips out with Rev. Al….and it slips out with his facial expressions. He’s been having these Tea Baggers on, asking them about Obamacare and today’s nutjob is one of those mofos who voted to cut 40 billion from foodstamps, all the while he and his whole fucking family are Agri-business welfare queens and kings. I freeze framed the look on Rev. Al’s face after he revealed the farm subisidy stuff..

    HILARIOUS

  70. 70.

    p.a.

    I guess when it comes to unlocking his phone, if it’s angry he’s fucked? sorry, sorry. I’m 54 going on 13.

  71. 71.

    danielx

    I could have happily lived the rest of my life without that particular image.

    Things like that always make me wonder “how did someone come up with that idea”…and then I remember what I’m going to have carved on my tombstone: It seemed like a good idea at the time.

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