Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

“When somebody takes the time to draw up a playbook, they’re gonna use it.”

The line between political reporting and fan fiction continues to blur.

Nothing says ‘pro-life’ like letting children go hungry.

Jesus, Mary, & Joseph how is that election even close?

Democracy cannot function without a free press.

“The defense has a certain level of trust in defendant that the government does not.”

“Perhaps I should have considered other options.” (head-desk)

The gop is a fucking disgrace.

Trumpflation is an intolerable hardship for every American, and it’s Trump’s fault.

It’s easy to sit in safety and prescribe what other people should be doing.

They are not red states to be hated; they are voter suppression states to be fixed.

Let’s not be the monsters we hate.

The Giant Orange Man Baby is having a bad day.

Shallow, uninformed, and lacking identity

When I decide to be condescending, you won’t have to dream up a fantasy about it.

You’re just a puppy masquerading as an old coot.

Impressively dumb. Congratulations.

There is no compromise when it comes to body autonomy. You either have it or you do not.

Jesus watching the most hateful people claiming to be his followers

Whatever happens next week, the fight doesn’t end.

Is it negotiation when the other party actually wants to shoot the hostage?

Peak wingnut was a lie.

Not so fun when the rabbit gets the gun, is it?

They love authoritarianism, but only when they get to be the authoritarians.

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Reader Interactions

83Comments

  2. 2.

    zmulls

    I can envision one scenario where they Rs decide to let the Debt Limit deadline lapse — figuring Obama will get most of the blame. Then President Obama will address the nation, invoke the 14th amendment and do — something — that allows him to keep paying the debts on time and not trash the full faith and credit.

    Then the House would vote for impeachment and we’re off to the races.

  6. 6.

    Baud

    @zmulls:

    Then President Obama will address the nation, invoke the 14th amendment and do — something — that allows him to keep paying the debts on time and not trash the full faith and credit.

    Obama’s plans for dealing with the debt limit, if he has any, are probably the most closely guarded secret in Washington.

    I enjoy reading the speculation about the 14th Amendment and the platinum coin ideas. Here’s one I haven’t seen, but I got the idea from reading Team of Rivals. Lincoln apparently justified the Emancipation Proclamation under his war powers. Since we are at war (always) and the inability for the government to pay its bills would harm our war effort, Obama, like Lincoln, can invoke his war powers to raise money to pay the debt.

    It would be poetic justice if that happened.

  7. 7.

    Just Some Fuckhead, Thought Leader

    That’s some pretty deep strategery going on there. How is this guy not third or fourth in charge?

  8. 8.

    Enhanced Voting Techniques

    ” And I don’t know what that even is”

    So you went to war without how defining the goal. Good to see they’ve learned nothing at all from Iraq.

  10. 10.

    scav

    Now there’s strategic and tactical prowess in full feather. And aloud, in front of a mic even.

  11. 11.

    Baud

    Maybe the Government Printing Office can whip up some “My GOP Congressman is an honor student” bumper stickers for these guys.

  13. 13.

    MattF

    I guess they all voted for Boehner because he’s weak. They can’t abide being pushed around, ether by Dems or by their own ‘leadership’. Orange John, likely, will suffer some consequences from all this– but who cares?

  14. 14.

    David Koch

    Oh, they’re gonna get something, all right. Luckily for them the treatment is covered under Obamacare.

  16. 16.

    gwangung

    @zmulls:

    I can envision one scenario where they Rs decide to let the Debt Limit deadline lapse — figuring Obama will get most of the blame. Then President Obama will address the nation, invoke the 14th amendment and do — something — that allows him to keep paying the debts on time and not trash the full faith and credit.

    Then the House would vote for impeachment and we’re off to the races.

    Hm. How well did it work out last time? When there was some actual fire there?

    (I mean, impeachment is pretty much an empty threat; not gonna see it unless you have super majorities in both houses…..)

    @moonbat: FSM willing….

  21. 21.

    zmulls

    I mean if Obama pulls a rabbit out of his hat over the debt limit, I think this House of Representatives would impeach him. They wouldn’t be able to help themselves.

    No it didn’t work out well for the Rs last time around but I don’t think this crop of losers cares.

    (Of course the Senate would never convict. I doubt that would stop them from impeaching)

  24. 24.

    khead

    “Pittsburgh refuses to play, says NFL acting in bad faith”

    In a press conference today, the Steelers announced a move that many long time NFL observers called “stunning” and “unprecedented”. The Steelers announced that, unless the NFL overturns the result of last Sunday’s game against the Vikings, the Steelers will not show up for their game next week against the New York Jets on October 13th.

    In response to questions from reporters, Coach Mike Tomlin offered this comment:
    “Well, clearly, the Steelers and their fans weren’t happy at all with the results of the contest in London. The Steelers and their fans are really used to getting their way. After much thought and consideration of input from our fans, the organization decided that instead of changing our ways in any manner whatsoever, we would simply go straight to the NFL front office. So we called the NFL and asked them to change the results of last week’s game. Given the way the NFL acted – it actually took several calls because the NFL front office could not stop laughing at the first few – it became clear to the Steeler organization that the NFL front office was acting in bad faith and didn’t want to negotiate. So we felt the need to take things into our own hands”. Many Steeler fans cheered.

    When asked what it would take to get the Steelers back on the field, Coach Tomlin said that the Steelers would “settle for nothing less than the NFL declaring a record of 12-4 for the Steelers” – regardless of the results on the field or what other people think.

    In related news, Randolph and Mortimer Duke are still really pissed that the commodity markets refuse to “turn the machines back on”.

  26. 26.

    GregB

    Has Boehner wept like an infant due to the stress yet?

    It’s coming, I just hope there are cameras on him when the floodgates break.

  27. 27.

    Valdivia

    omg. if the fate of our country didn’t rest on their hands I would die laughing. he sounds like a character from The Wire (one of the corner guys who didn’t last more than 2 episodes)

  28. 28.

    Baud

    The quote is spreading like wildfire across the tubes.

    David Plouffe ‏@davidplouffe 57s
    “We have to get something out of this. And I don’t know what that even is.” Sums up House GOP Economic Sabotage strategy, 2013.

  29. 29.

    David Koch

    President Obama is the Devil!

    He’s smarter than you. He’s luckier than you.

    Whatever you think is supposed to happen, I’m telling you, the exact, reverse opposite of that is going to happen.

  32. 32.

    piratedan

    @Baud: well you gotta remember, that most of these guys have been failing upwards all their lives, for them to actually find out that some semblance of intelligence and planning may be involved has to come as quite a shock, as they’ve been good faithful spear carriers for so long it is just unpossible for them to be presented with any kind of alternate reality.

  33. 33.

    Chris

    We’re not going to be disrespected. We have to get something out of this. And I don’t know what that even is.

    Such a beautiful contrast with Obama’s low key approach.

  36. 36.

    RareSanity

    @khead:

    In related news, Randolph and Mortimer Duke are still really pissed that the commodity markets refuse to “turn the machines back on”.

    R. Duke: “I’m Randolph Duke…”
    Valentine: “How you doin’ Randy, what’s happenin’? (shakes hand)”
    R. Duke: “…and this is my younger brother Mortimer.”
    Valentine: “Hey, Mor-tay…what it is? (slaps five)”
    Valentine: “Billy Ray Valentine, Capricorn.”

    Thank you for making me remember this…that movie is truly a classic.

  37. 37.

    jheartney

    I’ve been thinking for some time that the midterms will bring us Nancy Smash 2.0. The Tea House brigade has not been doing itself any favors this term, and dumbass stuff like the shutdown is bringing their dumbassery into prime time. Further, at some point either Boehner will blink, destroying Teahadi morale, or they’ll get rolled over by the 14th amendment.

    If you remember the summer of 05, we saw something similar. Schaivo, Katrina, and the ongoing horror in Iraq slowly destroyed general respect for the Republicans, though they were too thick to notice. The Halperins in the DC press didn’t see it either, as they dutifully carried water for whatever the GOP line of the day was. But underneath, the conviction grew in flyover country that the Pubs weren’t worth supporting. The end result was the Republican debacle of 2006, where Dems ran the tables and won both Senate and House.

    Call me crazy, but I think payment will come due for all this Republican douchebaggery in both House and Senate.

  38. 38.

    Tom Q

    @zmulls: More than “The Senate would never convict” — they’d barely give it the time of day. I can see Harry Reid calling for a vote ten minutes after the Articles are delivered to the Senate, having the whole thing over before lunch-break.

  39. 39.

    Belafon

    And this is why it will take a long time (I would not be surprised at a couple of weeks). They are doing this to save face, not to actually govern. And if they aren’t going to govern, what have they got to lose?

  40. 40.

    Davis X. Machina

    …most of these guys have been failing upwards all their lives,

    A whole lotta car dealers and real estate developers and osteopaths are walking out of this poker game in their underwear.

  42. 42.

    Davis X. Machina

    …most of these guys have been failing upwards all their lives,

    A whole lotta car dealers and real estate developers and osteopaths are walking out of this p0ker game in their underwear.

  46. 46.

    Ash Can

    “We have to get something out of this. And I don’t know what that even is.”

    This guy sounds like the dimwitted inbred nepotism-hire nephew of some Chicago wardheeler.

    Tell you what, Marlin. You guys get to keep both your arms. And maybe even some of your teeth. How’s that?

  49. 49.

    ? Martin

    “We’re not going to be disrespected. We have to get something out of this. And I don’t know what that even is.” — Rep. Marlin Stutzman (R-IN)

    If anyone was unclear on what the definition of ‘entitlement’ really is.

  51. 51.

    fuckwit

    @zmulls: Obama is not a tricky, weasel-around-the-rules kind of guy. Never has been. Not how he operates. Switchy moves like that are not his style. I don’t expect any goofy platinum coins from him.

    What I expect is more of what he’s doing: standing firm, and letting the Rethugs remain exposed for all to see.

    If he does decide to take action, I’d expect it to be something bold, surprising, carefully planned, flawlessly executed, and in-your-face, like, Seal Team Six bold, surprising, carefully planned, flawlessly executed, and in-your-face. If the hostages are to be released, I’d expect it to be via a Raid on Entebbe.

    I think he’s really had enough of all the Rethugs’ shit. 50-gallon drums of whoop-ass are about to fall from the sky upon the sucicide-vest caucus and their enablers.

  55. 55.

    RaflW

    When you play for a bit win but you haven’t gamed out any of the options besides “win” then you don’t have a f’ing clue what you’re doing. And your fee fees will get hurt.

    “We have to get something out of this. And I don’t know what that even is” sounds like a classic 7 year-olds futile whine.

    Which I usually hate, but tonight this sounds delicious.

  57. 57.

    Patricia Kayden

    Pure extortion. Why should they get anything out of shutting the government down? That’s like a five-year old getting something for throwing a temper tantrum.

  61. 61.

    aimai

    I think what is so funny about the quote is that the speaker presumes that the house republicans can command respect when they’ve patently already lost it. Its not what you get that tells people you are respected, its who you are and what you’ve done. Respect is earned. Its not signified by the amount of the theft you’ve committed. He’s like some swaggering bully who walks into an exam in his wife beater shirt and starts drunkenly demanding to duke it out with the professor. No, you moron, you don’t get an A by punching the professor after you discover you haven’t ever done the reading and don’t know how to answer the questions. Truly–these guys are playing the wrong game. They think its head banging when its, you know, governing.

  63. 63.

    beltane

    @Patricia Kayden: @RaflW: When my 7 year old fails to coerce me into giving him what he wants, he then moves on to “This is the worst day of my life!”

    I hope President Obama soon makes these assholes have the worst day of their lives.

  64. 64.

    catclub

    @gwangung: “I mean, impeachment is pretty much an empty threat; not gonna see it unless you have super majorities in both houses…”

    They were pretty serious in 1973, I do not know if there were supermajorities in either house.

  66. 66.

    PsiFighter37

    @catclub: That was back in the Paleozoic era, when a species called Republicanus Liberalus roamed parts of the northeastern and upper Midwestern United States.

  67. 67.

    Craigo

    @catclub: The difference then is that it was clearly not just a political gambit, and that Republicans could still think in terms that could be described as something other than blood frenzy. Nixon was told he’d lose a majority of the Senate GOP, so he skipped town.

  68. 68.

    Tbonethe

    Could it finally be upon us?

    Peak wingnut?

    I gotta say, the last 2 days have been awesome. So many wingnut tears for nourishment.

  70. 70.

    Mike in NC

    The corporate media insists on referring to “moderate Republicans”, which is always good for a laugh.

  71. 71.

    Suffern ACE

    @Mike in NC: yep. That King fellow has been all over the place worried that the unemployed in his district lost out in the sequester and often has been heard wondering if food stamps and WIC aren’t necessary to ensure that even our poorest children get the nutrition they need at critical development stages so that they can grow up and become productive workers in our society.

    Or perhaps he’s kind of a callous prick who would have done this years ago.

  72. 72.

    wasabi gasp

    Someone hit up the dollar store for candy necklaces and lollipop rings and end this shit now.

  73. 73.

    hitchhiker

    We will not be disrespected.

    Oh, that’s choice. Oh my god, that’s just so choice.

    Dude, if you have to say it, it’s way too late.

  74. 74.

    Lolis

    Holy Shit! This quote is amazing. I’m seriously in love with it. It should be added to the dictionary definition of Republican.

  75. 75.

    Mike in NC

    People tend to forget that the DC Villagers have been wired for Republican rule since the 1980s. Two terms for Reagan, followed by two terms for Bush the Elder, followed by two terms for Quayle, then presumably two terms for Bush the Lesser. Dirty Horn Dawg Bill Clinton spoiled that formula for them and they’ve never gotten over it.

  78. 78.

    PhoenixRising

    I know this quote is too good to check, as they say, but were there witnesses or please baby Jesus cameras rolling to source it?

    Because honest to God, Marlin is about to be famous in ways his mama never began to contemplate when she encouraged him to run for Congress and make a difference. He has. I may have ruptured my spleen laughing, but happily, there’s Obamacare.

  79. 79.

    pseudonymous in nc

    @gwangung:

    impeachment is pretty much an empty threat; not gonna see it unless you have super majorities in both houses…..

    Only takes a simple majority in the House to impeach.

    If you look at the NYC tabloids — which are basically blue-collar small-c conservative in a New York way — then you can see why Peter ‘IRA Groupie’ King is starting to get a bit worried. He may have won his Long Island district by 20 points in 2012, but if he got a decent challenger…

  80. 80.

    Citizen_X

    @David Koch: That’s what I immediately thought of. Go boil a rabbit then, Congressman Loon.

    @Baud:

    Maybe the Government Printing Office can whip up some “My GOP Congressman is an honor student” bumper stickers for these guys.

    More like “My GOP Congressman just beat up your honor student.”

  81. 81.

    Ruckus

    The crazies are using the same lack of thought as a customer of mine once did.
    Quoted a job for him, normally it would be $12K but I didn’t really want to do any more work for him so I bid $15,500. Damn if he didn’t say OK but as that was my starting number now we could negotiate. I said no that’s the price. I sure wasn’t going to back down now that he’d agreed to my 25% overcharge. His next remark floored me. He wanted me to lower the price $50 so that he could feel like he got something. I told him he would get something, a properly working product for $15.5K.
    He needed 50 bucks to feel like he pulled something over on me. And he was willing to tell me about it. I’m still astounded by the balls exhibited and this was 30 yrs ago. But this week I’ve lost that astonishment. I realize it was just a show of idiocy.

  83. 83.

    debbie

    @Baud:

    If I’m counting correctly, Plouffe had a few characters left over in his tweet. Should have added, “Up w Sochulizm!”

    {wink wink}

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