… Only in America, as wise man Harry Golden might’ve said. There is so much sadness in this story, and yet it reads like something The Onion spiked as ‘going too far’:
CINCINNATI — Officials at a cemetery that removed a slain Iraq war veteran’s towering SpongeBob SquarePants headstone from her final resting place after they deemed it inappropriate for their traditional grounds were planning to meet with the soldier’s family to explore possible solutions.
The headstone of Kimberly Walker, 28, was made in the likeness of her favorite cartoon character and erected at Spring Grove Cemetery on Oct. 10, almost eight months after she was found slain in a Colorado hotel room.
Despite getting the cemetery’s prior approval of the headstone’s design — a smiling SpongeBob in an Army uniform, with Walker’s name and rank — her family said Monday that cemetery staff called them the day after it was installed to say it would have to come down.
The 7-foot headstone, along with a near-exact duplicate erected for Walker’s living twin sister, have been removed and will not be allowed back up, cemetery President Gary Freytag said Monday…
Walker was found dead in a hotel room in Colorado Springs in February on Valentine’s Day, strangled and beaten to death. Her boyfriend, an Army sergeant stationed nearby, was arrested and charged with her killing.
Walker’s twin sister, Kara Walker, said the family is beyond distraught. A lot of thought went into choosing the gravestones which she said were chosen because her sister loved SpongeBob, even outfitting her entire bedroom with the cartoon character’s decorations….
The Washington Post has a picture at the link, and even in pixilated form it’s… quite eye-catching. Memorialists from the Classical Egyptian dynastic period to the high-Victorian life-sized-weeping-angels era would be envious of the technology that enables such a marvel of stonecutting, and at a price point achievable even by a family of ordinary means! And yet…
Well, even though some of my fondest childhood memories are of picnicing at various cemeteries of historical interest (my mother believed that education should be lived), I’ve always insisted that I want to be cremated, the ashes scattered. (Preferably by throwing them in the faces of my enemies, althought there’s probably EPA regulations forbidding that.)
Baud
Me too.
Debbie(aussie)
Me three.
Also too, I am using my new MS Surface. I’m not very tech savvy, but so far, I like it.
p.a.
I liked it. To me it had that MTM at Chuckles the Clown’s wake vibe. Inappropriate but, at the same time, right for the moment. I also wonder if the cemetery isn’t responding to other families’ complaints, and not doing this on their own.
OzarkHillbilly
At one time I wanted to have a good old fashioned New Orleans funeral. Start in St Louis and march over the Eads Bridge. At the midpoint they would dump my body into the Mississippi (he sleeps with the fishes) and party on into East St Louis. Hell of a good time to be had by all.
Nowadays, I realize I’ll be dead, so who cares? Not me. Leave me on the side of the road for all the difference it will make.
Schlemizel
I really want to be buried in the woods with an acorn up my butt so that my useless husk would do some good by providing nutrition to an oak. State law won’t allow that I guess so it post toasties for me.
I’d like to have my ashes mixed with sand & have glass Christmas tree ornaments made for my kids but they think thats creepy.
BillinGlendaleCA
I’ve got a phone upgrade coming up soon. I’m trying to decide between a GS4 or a Note 3. I was going with a GS4 because my hands are small, but I found out today that the Note 3 has a small screen mode. Decisions, decisions.
Baud
@Debbie(aussie):
It gets a lot of grief, but it’s not that bad. I just don’t think it’s good enough (yet) to catch up to more mature products.
Betty Cracker
There was an incident at a shopping center down here about a week or so ago where a man walked into a LensCrafters, flung a white, powdery substance into the air and fled. Of course, shoppers and staff panicked. The mall was evacuated and haz-mat teams were summoned.
As it turns out, the substance the man scattered was ashes — his fiance’s. She’d had some sort of connection to LensCrafters in life. The cops are considering charges.
amk
The real tragedy here is that this woman survives four years in an enemy country and then comes home only to suffer a horrific death at the hands of her bf as well as her senior.
NotMax
Hmm. Howzabout a little music that’s on topic?
Death Walks Behind You
(Always liked the unusual intro.)
TheMightyTrowel
Nerd Alert: This is actually something I’ve studied. if you want to hear nerdy archaeology talk about the background on personalised, secular tombstones I’m your woman. Also, my uncle produces them, so I can talk about the technology too….
Re: this story: the increase in non-religious personalised monuments – both in shape and in decoration is really interesting when looking at broader trends to do with social contexts for death and dying in contemporary society. every generation develops its own way of memorialising the dead, and every generation is more or less offended by the subsequent generation’s alterations to that approach. Super interesting stuff.
WereBear
The tombstone is not, in itself, offensive. For some people, inappropriate because of its implied cheerfulness, but so what?
What would people think if Walt Disney had been buried with a statue of Mickey Mouse? I bet it would be part of a bus tour and everyone would think it was great.
JGabriel
Anne Laurie:
I can never quite decide whether the epitaph over my grave should read He Had Potential or No Pissing.
.
Betty Cracker
@TheMightyTrowel: Speaking of generational shifts in death rituals, I think it’s interesting how people’s social media pages become virtual grave sites when they die, with friends and family leaving messages for the deceased.
Another thing I’ve noticed, and I’m not sure how widespread this phenomenon is, but for the past several years, I’ve noticed window decals on cars in memory of someone. Usually just a clear sticker with simple white lettering that says, “In loving memory of…” and the name plus date of birth and death.
Sometimes it’ll take up a whole rear window like a rolling tombstone, and other times it’s a smaller display. I’ve often wondered what these folks do when they sell or junk the vehicle. Does the sticker peel off?
JGabriel
Well … this is a cheerful way to begin the day.
JPL
@JGabriel: How about I’ll never piss again.
Since the family had prior approval, the stone should have stayed but that’s just my opinion. Spending money for a burial site, would be a waste. Throw my ashes in a forest and use the money to have a nice lunch.
Phylllis
@Schlemizel: Here’s a place in upstate SC. Alas, you’d be in SC for eternity. http://www.greenhavenpreserve.com
JPL
@JGabriel: hmmm.. Where’s Raven and his reporting about Morning Joe?
JGabriel
JPL:
No, you don’t get it: It’s telling people not to piss on my grave.
So many people don’t understand this. Maybe I should just have the gravestone engraver etch a streaming p3nis with a bar circle over it.
.
OzarkHillbilly
@JGabriel: After a life time of waiting for other people to get it together, I’ve decided the epitaph on mine is going to be, “This time, I’m not waiting for you.”
Ash Can
This is just a ridiculously cruel thing to do to this family. The cemetery owners can go fuck themselves for not standing by their original decision. They should be made to pay for moving the deceased to a different, more ethical cemetery. And then refund every cent of the original cost of interment to the family. And then be made to pay damages on top of it.
OzarkHillbilly
@JGabriel:
Nah. That would just be a challenge.
Joey Maloney
@Betty Cracker: Did you know it is a Federal crime to dispose of human remains in National Parks? I’m going to have to commit a felony to honor my father’s wishes when the time comes.
mai naem
@JPL: Dunno where Raven is but I’m here. Mornin’ Ho has Bill Kristol on, who desperately needs to be pied again. And worse. He has a friend who was buying a catastrophic plan that he was happy with which isn’t available now because of that evil Obamacare. And the president said, if you’re happy with your current plan, you don’t have to change anything. Kristol’s buddy is mad. Wahhh, call the wahmbulance. All I can think of when I see Kristol’s face is the five thousand soldiers who died in Iraq while he sat at home with his wife and whined about paying any taxes. Assfucker.
Geeno
Actually, I don’t think the EPA would have issues. Ashes are sterile.
Elizabelle
New thread up.
TheMightyTrowel
@Betty Cracker: I haven’t seen that before, but i’d love to. the material culture of death and memorialisation is super cool and interesting.
mai naem
@Joey Maloney: I wonder if they’re a difference with bones and body remains vs. ashes. I find it hard to believe a park ranger would tell you anything if you’re dumping human ashes in an unpopulated standard area like a forest and not doing stupid stuff.Hell, animal ashes are good for plantlife.
NotMax
@JGabriel
Although have no wish for burial, if it happened would want teensy little letters on the stone, reading “If you can read this, you’re standing on my head.”
NotMax
@Betty Cracker
Have seen those stupid rear window signs for decades here.
Always sort of wondered how people would react if someone put this on:
In Loving Memory of
Adolf & Eva
April 30, 1945
Betty Cracker
@JGabriel: But that would leave out the ladies! I suspect grave-pissing is an activity that is more prevalent among men, if only due to the logistics involved. Never been tempted to piss on a grave myself, but Rush Limbaugh and Dick Cheney still live.
NorthLeft12
Anne, You don’t strike me as the type of person who really has enemies. Nemeses, maybe. But no enemies.
NotMax
@Betty Cracker
Old, old joke (truncated version):
Pact is made among a group of men that the last survivor would be gifted with a rare bottle of very fine 100-year-old brandy.
Time passes until just two are left, one of whom is at death’s door.
The other old fellow goes to pay his respects at the deathbed.
#1: Looks like you’re going to win the bottle, pal. Would you honor my dying wish and sprinkle that brandy on my grave?”
#2: Sure thing. Just let it pass through my kidneys first.
Ramiah Ariya
What is with the word “Slain” when referring to “warriors”? What ever happened to “She was found murdered in a hotel room”? I saw that word “slain” in the article and thought she was killed in some epic battle.
Dave
Let’s talk about the unsaid: the monument is hideously tacky, the addition of a matching one for a living sister is ridiculously inappropriate, and I suspect the cemetery approved it based on the belief a “Spongebob” headstone would be executed with a modicum of decorum. Like maybe a normal headstone with a picture of Spongebob, not a pair of seven-foot playground sculptures. Instead, a place of quiet dignity is transformed into yet another example of EVERYTHING’S ALL ABOUT ME.
NotMax
@Dave
Let’s talk about the other unsaid.
Absent specific permission, it is also egregious copyright infringement.
Ash Can
@Dave: Actually, cemeteries are all about the deceased, and their families. The headstone’s unusual, to be sure, but it’s not an offensive image and doesn’t encroach upon other plots. Within those parameters, the family should be allowed to grieve and commemorate their loved one as they see fit.
Omnes Omnibus
@Dave: An obelisk that is 20 feet tall also says it’s all about me. The SpongeBob choice may be tacky, but tacky people have as great a right to mourn as anyone else.
rikyrah
the one little girl is too cute in this video:
http://youtu.be/ab9M_St6bPk
rikyrah
Obama Appoints 1st Black Chief Judge of US Court of Federal Claims
By: Jozen Cummings | Posted: October 22, 2013 at 9:23 AM
Just a month after Patricia E. Campbell-Smith was appointed a judge for the U.S. Court of Federal Claims, and two days after being confirmed, President Barack Obama has promoted her to the position of chief judge of the court. With the appointment, Judge Campbell-Smith is the first African American to hold that position in the history of the U.S. Court of Federal Claims.
In a statement from the White House, President Obama said he was proud of Campbell-Smith’s designation. “She has a long and distinguished record of service,” the president said. “I am confident she will serve with distinction.”
Though her appointment as a judge to the court is recent, Campbell-Smith has a long history of working with the court. As the special master to the court from 2005 to 2011 and chief special master from 2011 to 2013, Campbell-Smith was responsible for overseeing court orders on the National Vaccine Injury Compensation Program. She was also a law clerk for former U.S. Federal Claims Court Chief Judge Emily C. Hewitt.
All judges appointed to the U.S. Federal Claims Court are designated to 15-year-terms. The court was formed in 1982.
http://www.theroot.com/buzz/obama-appoints-first-black-chief-judge-us-court-federal-claims
rikyrah
Noam Scheiber @noamscheiber56m
So Obama never coddled donors, unlike Clintons, & still raised a record amnt of $$. I’m failing to see the problem http://www.nytimes.com/2013/10… …
rikyrah
In Clinton Fund-Raising, Expect a Full Embrace
By AMY CHOZICK
Published: October 21, 2013
When a recent Manhattan fund-raiser for the Virginia candidate for governor Terry McAuliffe wound down and most of the donors had left the host’s swanky meatpacking district loft, President Bill Clinton stuck around.
Only a handful of guests (“And none of the really important ones,” according to one attendee) remained, but Mr. Clinton continued to shake hands and pose for photos. He greeted the waiters and joked with stragglers that he would meet them at a nearby bar.
This spring, as guests gathered around a big table inside a grand Washington home at a fund-raising dinner for Mr. McAuliffe, Mr. Clinton noticed the hosts’ bored young son on a sofa. The former president plopped down and the two played on an iPad together.
The behavior wasn’t anything unusual for Mr. Clinton, who has always been known as a gregarious party guest. But for some Democratic donors — accustomed to what some see as the aloof indifference of President Obama — experiencing the full embrace of the Clintons in fund-raising mode comes as something of a revelation.
Mr. Obama has rewarded his top backers with coveted diplomatic posts like London and Tokyo, but he does not expend much personal energy when it comes to stroking donors: More than a dozen Obama supporters interviewed for this article described the president as an introvert who views big-dollar fund-raising as an unappealing, if necessary, chore. If the situation were a movie, one donor said, it would be titled: “He’s Just Not That Into You.”
http://www.nytimes.com/2013/10/22/us/politics/in-clinton-fund-raising-expect-a-full-embrace.html
Mark B.
@NotMax: the story said that they had secured a license from Nickleodeon, so it’s not copyright infringement. Frankly, I like it, but I’m surprised that they ever got approval for the stone in the first place. I’m guessing that whoever approved it is now removed from that duty.
maya
In about 60 years cemeteries should begin to be lined with TeleTubbie gravestones.
rdldot
@Betty Cracker: I’ve seen it here too and if I remember they are hispanic names so I’m thinking it is a cultural thing, kind of like ‘Day of the Dead’ celebrations used to be. Now that’s going mainstream.
YellowJournalism
I find this headstone far less tacky than a pile of faded plastic flowers, pinwheels, and other assorted decorations meant for lawn ornaments that usually litter the cemeteries. However, I know that as tacky as I may find those things, I would never complain to have them removed because I know that they’re the means of comfort for those who have lost.
I have direct experience with this, since my family members did the same thing to my grandmother’s grave. A lot of money was spent to give her a special headstone, and some members of the family turned it into their own shrine of plastic worship for someone they passed the buck on when she needed care in real life.
Vlad
There’s a historic cemetery not too far from my house. It’s got old graves (some of which hold soldiers killed during the French and Indian War) and notable graves (MLB Hall of Famer Josh Gibson, 19th century songwriter Stephen Foster, etc.).
It’s also got this gravestone. Apparently, the late Mr. Madden was a big fan of the movie “Jaws”.
I think it’s nice that the cemetery was willing to accommodate the wishes of him and his family. It doesn’t seem to diminish the dignity of anyone else’s memorial, as far as I’ve noticed, and it’s a regular stop on cemetery tours. If the Walker family can’t come to an agreement with the cemetery, I’m sure Kimberly would be welcome up here.
Constance
I’ve suggested my ashes be sprinkled on the property of someone who hates me. Think I like your idea more.
Stolen epitaph idea I can’t use because I plan to be cremated and strewn: “I was having fun till this happened.”
Betty Cracker
@rikyrah: Obama does seem somewhat introverted (which I consider a plus — I trust introverts more), but on the other hand, the man can give an incredible speech. I’ve always found that seeming contradiction fascinating. Also, I’ll take one introspective, competent man over a thousand glad-handing, insincere, baby-kissing pols. I like Clinton well enough, and probably when he sat down with that bored kid, he was there with that kid in that moment. But I suspect he forgot the kid existed the next minute.
Betty Cracker
@Constance: That’s a good one. There’s a headstone in Key West that says something like, “See? I told you I was sick.”
Jim, Foolish Literalist
Yes, I’m sure Bill Kristol has lots of poor friends. Regular man o’the people is Wrong Way Willie.
@rikyrah: We’re three years away from stories lamenting the grubby, Lincoln-bedroom renting Clintons in favor of the quiet, family-centric dignity of the Obamas. Actually, I’m already there. And when I say “Clintons”, I mean Bubba.
evodevo
@YellowJournalism: Exactly.
cintibud
@Dave: The design was approved by the cemetery. Now they say the employee who approved it “made a mistake”
J.A.F. Rusty Shackleford
I want to be cremated and have my ashes spread around Comiskey Park in the middle of the game. I told my brother to get drunk and rush the field and when he was done spilling the ashes he should slide into second base.
aimai
@TheMightyTrowel: Oh, yes! Do you have a link to anything you’ve written? This is a fascinating area. I have a friend who is in the business of art coffins and eco-funerals–two very different things, actually. You might argue that the problem arises specifically and especially in the context of cemeteries as a form of generational conflict and can’t be resolved as easily as other forms of generational shift because the location/context is definitionally rather unyielding. It takes a lot of money/time/space and management savvy to open up a new cemetery that would welcome non traditional and novel forms of memorialization and yet one of the things people are looking for when they bury their loved ones is a place that is already established, where their loved one can be sheltered or contained in a place that is already, in a sense, hallowed by use and the presence of other deceased people that the family imagines are “like them.” People don’t usually choose to be buried, for example, in cemeteries belonging to a specific religious sect not their own. Burying the military dead at Arlington has a long and complicated social history etc..etc..etc..
I live near Mt Auburn cemetery which I believe is the first beautiful cemetery built as a rebuke to the church cemeteries which were sinking and rotting with corruption within urban settings. Mt. Auburn is, basically, a gorgeous park and arboretum and the monuments were strictly controlled with graphics moving away from puritan darkness towards transendentalist uplift. While rules about the imagery and the memorials have shifted over the years when you buy a plot at Mt. Auburn you are buying into a total aesthetic and history–your plot is not your plot alone and I’m really surprised the cemetery in this case let the family get so far as to put up that memorial without having any rules in place.
handsmile
@TheMightyTrowel:
[It’s been several hours since you posted your #11 reply above, but I hope you’ll check back to read this….]
Very interesting to learn about your interest in funerary monuments and memorialization, and would be happy to learn more about your activities in this area. I understand you are a professional archeologist and I’m curious if there are particular historical periods and/or geographical locations of cemetery studies that interest you.
I’m a member of the Association for Gravestone Studies, an organization established to promote the study, public awareness, and preservation of gravemarkers. There is a meeting of the NYC chapter in a few weeks, and I expect that this matter of the “Spongebob” gravestone will be avidly debated. (Gravestones rarely become international news fodder or provoke controversy (outside of the immediate family of the deceased, anyways).
http://www.gravestonestudies.org/
Here is a link to a recently published (2010) and exhaustively detailed work on the subject of public memorialization and the culture of commemoration that may interest you: Memorial Mania: Public Feeling in America by Erika Doss, professor of American Studies at the University of Notre Dame.
http://press.uchicago.edu/ucp/books/book/chicago/M/bo8445230.html
Any reciprocal link to a work that you found worthwhile/illuminating would be much appreciated.
aimai
@rikyrah: They’ve been bitching and moaning about the President’s rather businesslike attitude towards big money donors from the get go. They simply can’t bear to grasp that no one really likes these assholes except for their money. Clinton loves people and enjoys talking to everyone and anyone and maybe some rich people make the mistake of thinking that he is especially fascinated by them but thats really not the case. Its not that Clinton forgets that little boy five minutes after he sits next to him–in fact I doubt that since Clinton seems to famously never forget anyone–its that he actually doesn’t privilige the wealthy adult over the kid. He is an extrovert and he’s enjoying himself with anyone who is there to be enjoyed.
If rich donors stopped and thought about it they would not be so flattered by Clinton’s generic, polymorphously perverse, relationship with other people. It doesn’t mean he’s your boyfriend, it just means he likes to talk. But they do grasp that Obama is not interested in them unless they are interesting and that money doesn’t make them interesting. And thats got to sting.
People with money and influence really hate to discover that absent that money they wouldn’t have any influence or pull at all. They really like the people around them to flatter them and convince them that they, alone, are valued for who they really are–so charming, so beautiful, so witty! These high donors move in small, tight, circles of other wealthy people and competing for the attention of a high status person like the President is one of the ways they can count coup on each other. Its why they go to these fundraisers.
Elizabelle
@cintibud:
You know, I am with the cemetery on this one. They’re being pretty reasonable (see below) and probably trying to set a precedent, so they don’t have to deal with a 40 foot tall Transformers character or a neon Pikachu in years to come.
From the WaPost story:
Suspect the cemetery employee (now reassigned) might not have realized the dimensions of the finished monument. (Shades of Spinal Tap’s Stonehenge, in reverse.)
The “Jaws” headstone still looks like a headstone.
What a mess. And some people would probably appreciate giving directions like “it’s just downslope from the two Sponge Bob monuments.”
Fine line between honoring the Walker family’s wishes and turning your “historic cemetery” into a putt putt course in granite.
aimai
@handsmile: Have you read Drew Gilpin Faust’s book on the Civil War and memorials? Its called “This Republic of Suffering.” Because there was, originally, no attempt made to retrieve the bodies of the fallen from the Civil War Battlefields and no way to ID them or ship them home families who were used to having a physical body to mourn, and a physical memorial to visit, were doubly bereaved. Currier and Ives produced a lithograph of a memorial surrounded by mourners that you could put up in your house to symbolize the location of the non existent grave. Fascinating stuff.
Amir Khalid
Any headstone seven feet tall, however plain it might be, is absurdly ostentatious. Why does anyone need a marker on their grave that’s as tall as a freaking grandfather clock? But if Spongebob were not more than a foot tall, I think that his presence on her grave should be unobjectionable.
@Betty Cracker:
Ahem — the late woman was the man’s fiancée (a double E for the feminine noun, with an acute accent on the first one). I know I mustn’t nitpick other people’s language, but I just can’t help myself.
Sister Rail Gun of Warm Humanitarianism
Topical whiplash, but it’s an open thread, so whatever.
Is it just in my area that Barilla pasta has been on sale for the entire month? It’s featured this week in the Buy 2 Get 3 section of the local ad.
Snarki, child of Loki
@Constance: even if you’re planning on cremation, you can still have a cenotaph to bestow your wisdom to the ages.
Like “Bitch all you want now”, or “Another victory for GOP Healthcare”, or “Get offa my lawn!”
? Martin
All of this discussion of how offensive the headpiece is, overlooks the fact that this was a vet from a war which never should have been fought, who was murdered by her boyfriend. There’s a lot more offensive stuff taking place there than a 7 foot tall SpongeBob.
Elizabelle
@? Martin:
Yeah, but nobody agrees the military vet getting murdered by a loved one is a precedent to be honored.
aimai
@? Martin: But what has one thing got to do with the other? The headstone would still be problematic no matter who it was commemorating, and it doesn’t actually make up for all the other horrors, does it? I’m horribly sorry for this family on all counts but this seems like a weird place to go for a comment. Women have been being killed by their boyfriends, and the women associated with the military have been being killed by their military boyfriends, for centuries. Am I insufficiently feminist if I observe that this is, in fact, a fairly commonplace background to a murder? The only novel thing about this story is spongebob squarepants.
Elizabelle
@Sister Rail Gun of Warm Humanitarianism:
I’ve noticed the Barilla pasta sale in NoVA, and smirked when I shopped.
Elizabelle
Highly recommend “The Puritan Way of Death” by David Stannard.
Wonderfully written. Amazon link lets you look inside book.
It’s fascinating, not in the least gruesome, and probably time to reread it.
I think the last chapter might have dealt with cemeteries becoming parklike (even a spot for picnicking) in the 19th century, but that could be another book. Anyway, that happened too.
ruemara
@NotMax: It was approved by Nickelodeon. RTA.
handsmile
@aimai:
Why as I was writing a reply to your #56 comment, you kindly posted this! Thanks so much!
Yes, I’ve read Faust’s Republic of Suffering, and agree it is fascinating in its depiction of how post-Civil War American society struggled to come to terms (practically, culturally, spiritually) with the unprecedented carnage of the conflict. A deeply affecting work.
Now then…
Yes, Mount Auburn Cemetery was the first example in the United States of a burial ground design now referred to as the “rural cemetery movement.” Such landscaped cemetery parks, to edify both the dead and the living, were created in England and France in the late 18th/early 19th century. In the decade or so immediately following the establishment of Mt. Auburn (1831), many other large American cities (with similar public health concerns), such as New York, Philadelphia, Baltimore, Providence, developed cemetery parks of this model.
Marilyn Yalom’s The American Resting Place: Four Hundred Years Through Our Cemeteries and Burial Grounds is a superb volume (with many wonderful photographs) on this subject.
http://www.amazon.com/The-American-Resting-Place-Cemeteries/dp/0618624279
A delightfully quirky book on American reburials (e.g., James Monroe, Jefferson Davis, Sitting Bull), Digging Up the Dead, by historian Michael Kammen might interest you as well. Cheers!
http://www.amazon.com/Digging-Up-Dead-American-Reburials/dp/02264233
Elizabelle
You know, I would love to have been a fly on the wall when that Spongebob monument was delivered to the cemetery.
Imagining dialogue worthy of “Spinal Tap” as the cemetery staff got their first gander at the final product.
lol
I don’t get offended by the repetitive, insincere overly saccharine Christian headstones that overwhelm cemeteries.
Bob Munck
My ashes are to be stored until they can be taken up the first operational Space Elevator and released from the far end. That way they’ll be scattered over the entire Solar System and, driven by the solar wind, some of me will head for the stars.
Look for me floating gently in your breakfast cereal, sometime later this century.
Elizabelle
@handsmile:
Great book recommendations. Will check them out.
Elizabelle
@aimai:
Along with the Drew Gilpin Faust book.
Maybe time for a city to read that. People are getting too cavalier about seccession, like all it’s going to bring them is less taxes and utopia.
a hip hop artist from Idaho (fka Bella Q)
Spring Grove is truly beautiful arboretum in addition to a cemetery, among those in the “rural cemetery movement” describe by handsmile above. Full disclosure: both my parents are in niches in Garden Mausoleum, next to a rose garden.
It’s a beautiful place; well worth a visit for the flora alone, That said, I’m cool with SpongeBob, however completely not in keeping with the theme of the place it is. Ideally, it would have been declined as an option to begin with, but it wasn’t. I’d prefer something more somber, but it’s not my daughter buried there. The sister’s stone creeps me out, but that’s my issue.
Spring Grove’s got a pretty strict and tasteful floral policy(emphasis added):
– Fresh cut flowers are encouraged throughout the year.
– Artificial floral arrangements may be placed during the winter months, November through March only.
– Only 1-2 arrangements may be placed on any space at one time.
– All flower placements are removed weekly, on Thursdays, with the following exceptions: Easter, Memorial Day, and winter placements. (November through January).
– Flower arrangements and wreaths may contain decorations consisting of non-plant material only as an incidental part of the arrangement or wreath; however, balloons are not permitted at any time.
– Non-floral, stand-alone decorations are not permitted (i.e. balloons, pinwheels, Shepherd’s hooks, Christmas trees over 18″ tall, holiday placards, etc.)
– Trinkets, statues or garden/stepping stones are not permitted at any time.
-Decorating the surrounding trees, shrubs or landscape with holiday ornaments, streamers, wind chimes, birdfeeders, etc., is not permitted.
– Flowers are not permitted inside the Lakeside Mausoleums at any time. Memorialization may be made in the Book of Remembrance only.
– Monument saddles or any other attachments to markers, monuments or Mausoleum crypt fronts are not permitted.
– Flowers placed for a burial service will remain in place for 48 hours.
– The cemetery is not responsible for damaged or missing items or floral arrangements due to extreme weather conditions or wildlife damage.
I copied the policy only to show how remarkable the stone is in context.
handsmile
@Elizabelle:
As indeed was yours! :)
Perhaps strange, even ironic, to say, but that book made the daily lives of Puritans “come alive” for me. Must now seek it out among the dustier bookshelves (or boxes) here.
Tim C.
Personally, I’ve simply asked that my corpse be out out for curbside recycling. My wife has refused to go along with this sadly.
? Martin
@aimai:
I don’t understand why something designed to honor an individual and their family/loved ones ought to cater to everyone but that individual and their family/loved ones. I’m sure a good portion of the markers in that historical cemetery (if not the individuals themselves) were considered sacrilegious when first put in place, but are now considered beyond criticism and part of the desired design aesthetic.
I hereby welcome our 7 foot tall cartoon death marker overlords.
And for the record, I’ve asked to be donated to the body farm or some similar scientific program. I would like to be productive even in death.
Omnes Omnibus
@Tim C.: My grandmother was heard to suggest that we just put her in a bag and toss her in the woods. It isn’t what she ultimately said she wanted and not what we did for her.
aimai
@? Martin:
Because the marker is going to be in a semi public space which is occupied and used by a lot of other people besides the mourners of that one person? Sure: the memorial is designed “to hoor an individual and their family/loved one” but the cemetery isn’t a private space and the particular cemetery plot, although it may be purchased, is also not identical to a perfectly private space. I’m not opposed to them but a public cremation in a cemetery not designed for it would be an example of a family/mourners tresspassing upon the rights of the other families who have bought into the cemetery.
Again: I’m incredibly sorry for this woman and her family–my god I am!–but that doesn’t have anything to do with the situation at all. There are hundred thousand sad stories of death and loss in that cemetery and those families have rights to the common property (the visual life of the cemetery) too.
In addition I’d like to point out that people who are in the full throes of grief aren’t always the best judges of what they should be doing. This is extensively covered in Decca Mitford’s The American Way of Death. I’m not advancing this as an argument for why the cemetery is right or wrong in trying to prevent the sponge bob marker but I’m pointing out that it might make sense for mourners to take a serious cooling off period before they put up any marker or purchase any coffin, for that matter.
StringOnAStick
My acerbic FIL wants his ashes to be used in the cat’s litter box; he says it “would be an honor”.
Another Holocene Human
@Ramiah Ariya:
Slay means kill, often of the killings perpetuated by criminals.
Although, yeah, my first assumption was that she died in battle.
Another Holocene Human
@Dave:
You are old. And apparently have a pretty limited knowledge of funerary customs.
I think it’s a fitting tribute. Maybe the eyes might be a little unsettling but then you get used to it.
@NotMax: Way to not read the article. The family spent $13K which included getting approval from Nickelodeon.
Another Holocene Human
@aimai: The problem is that most of the people being shoveled into cemeteries these days are old people being buried by old people and this lady was young.
Headstones during the days when child mortality was high were much more florid, with mottoes inscribed that we would find inappropriate today. There were also fads with openly pagan (neo-classical) flourishes on gravestones for Protestant Christians.
For the person who wrote “it’s all about me”, a mausoleum isn’t? Especially in a Northern cemetary?
Frankly, I find the bland, repetitive headstones with only a surname on them offensive. Just a blank, meaningless resting place for a family that has forgotten them anyway, all cogs for capitalism’s wheel, now discarded. Why not go for cremation, at least that way the ashes will fulfill an emotional need, either by being close to the family or left in a place that meant something?
Another Holocene Human
@handsmile: No way, I must have ridden the bus by that cemetery so many times.
Another Holocene Human
@Amir Khalid:
But 7, 8., 9 ft tall plus marble cross on top is okay for the paterfamilias, right? Cause I’ve seen a lot of those in cemeteries. Rich guy, huge monument, dead babies, wives get little slabs around him.
Another Holocene Human
@aimai: Mt. Auburn is, basically, a gorgeous park and arboretum and the monuments were strictly controlled with graphics moving away from puritan darkness towards transendentalist uplift.
Feelings change. Culture changes. Get used to it, because I don’t think this is going to be the last “outrageous” memorial. I think a lot more would have memorials like that but don’t have the money. This family raised the funds.
artem1s
@Elizabelle:
todays markers are all about ground keeping. is it easy to run a lawn mower over/around it? the place where my grandparents and father lie is a cemetery I would never willingly set foot in. wonderfully, obediently sterile. no one would be offended by the spongebob stone there because no one sets foot in the place except for the burial. but i’m sure it would never be allowed there anymore than they’d let a tree grow anywhere on the grounds. too much trouble to pick up fallen branches or rake leaves. nice little flat bronze markers that won’t get in the way of a riding mower. at one time they only allowed plastic flowers cause they didn’t want anyone to see a bunch of dead plants. too much to pay someone to gather them all up when they die. solemn is not the word i would use for any of those types of cemeteries. they seem specifically designed to repel mourners. i can’t imagine anyone being comforted with thoughts of an afterlife there. easy to imagine dante was right.
i love hanging out in cemeteries that have flavor. and the good cemetery’s best features are usually the odd tombstones or weird markers. just visited a great one outside of Central City, CO. it was old but still had someone taking care of the graves and leaving flowers and stuffed toys. the place was likely pretty featureless in its heyday, what with COs lack of water. but has been overgrown with aspens over the last few decades. they were just turning gold. a spongebob or two wouldn’t have detracted one bit from its beauty.
Arclite
We must think of the zombies. How will they feel rising from the earth at the foot of Spongebob?