Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

You are so fucked. Still, I wish you the best of luck.

Compromise? There is no middle ground between a firefighter and an arsonist.

Thanks to your bullshit, we are now under siege.

Putting aside our relentless self-interest because the moral imperative is crystal clear.

I would try pessimism, but it probably wouldn’t work.

They punch you in the face and then start crying because their fist hurts.

Dumb motherfuckers cannot understand a consequence that most 4 year olds have fully sorted out.

Let’s bury these fuckers at the polls 2 years from now.

Let the trolls come, and then ignore them. that’s the worst thing you can do to a troll.

Roe is not about choice. It is about freedom.

This must be what justice looks like, not vengeful, just peaceful exuberance.

Of course you can have champagne before noon. That’s why orange juice was invented.

We will not go back.

Democracy cannot function without a free press.

Peak wingnut was a lie.

Take hopelessness and turn it into resilience.

The next time the wall street journal editorial board speaks the truth will be the first.

Everything is totally normal and fine!!!

We need to vote them all out and restore sane Democratic government.

He seems like a smart guy, but JFC, what a dick!

How any woman could possibly vote for this smug smarmy piece of misogynistic crap is beyond understanding.

I did not have this on my fuck 2025 bingo card.

We cannot abandon the truth and remain a free nation.

It’s all just conspiracy shit beamed down from the mothership.

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68Comments

  3. 3.

    gogol's wife

    Happy Thanksgiving, John. Thanks to you for all the entertainment, laughs, political insight, and pet ruminations.

  6. 6.

    khead

    My brother really appears to have beaten the odds with regards to his aneurysm (16 days ago). Went from ICU to a regular hospital room today after having the shunt removed yesterday. He is supposed to walk, yes walk, out of the hospital and go home this weekend.

  8. 8.

    Schlemizel

    @PsiFighter37:

    I’m pretty sure that turkey he pardoned has ties to Al Qaeda and plans to infiltrate the healthcare system to enforce a total Marxist regime on us. He is in cahoots with several capons that will be in charge of the FEMA reeducation camps.

  10. 10.

    Schlemizel

    @khead:

    Sounds like he has super human recovery ability or was danged lucky. Glad to heard he dodged a bullet either way.

  11. 11.

    Gravenstone

    At least tonight’s game isn’t saddled with the execrable pairing of Buck and Aikman announcing it. And may both teams at least show up.

  12. 12.

    khead

    @raven:

    Pretty amazing, really. He was in the 1-3% range for just living through a week or two when they admitted him.

    I’m thinking of asking him for some numbers to play in the MegaMillions drawing tomorrow. Would that be wrong?

  14. 14.

    Tommy

    @khead: Thinking positive thoughts for him. I got really sick. Like a one in a million thing. I was in the ICU for a week with a tube down my throat. Folks didn’t think I’d recalled much of that. I did. I felt the ICU was a place you put people to die. When I got out of there and into a “regular” room it was about the best thing ever.

  15. 15.

    khead

    @Schlemizel:

    Thanks to his employer + wife + modern medicine + deity of choice.

    Bro had textbook subarachnoid hemorrhage…
    His employer called his wife when he didn’t show up for work…
    Wife went home after getting no answer on phone and then took him to ER…
    Doc recognized symptoms and sent him to Charlotte for treatment….

    Dude thought he had the flu. I owe my sister-in-law big time.

  16. 16.

    Bill D.

    Happy Thanksgiving to all!

    I have come to the following conclusion. Someday archaeologists will uncover the remains of our defunct civilization, and will discover that our biggest annual festival was something called “Black Friday”. Despite its name, this festival lasted for at least a couple of weeks, and cumulatively involved millions of people traveling to sites of mass materialistic worship, or at least participating in said activities via an electronic network. These mass celebrations focused on the dominant societal values of individualistic greed and material acquisitiveness.

    Archeologists will also note auxiliary celebrations around the same time of the year, such as Thanksgiving and Christmas, that obviously were of comparatively little importance in our culture.

  18. 18.

    Tommy

    @khead: That is so wonderful to hear. I am often not able to understand bad bosses. My bosses have been more anal then my mom. They wanted me to be healthy. They cared for me. Looked out for me. I so get your brother’s employer calling. I am not a guy that would miss work. Bet he is the same. So if a call is placed and not returned, something is wrong. They are going to call 911.

  19. 19.

    raven

    I’ve got the sniffles and my bride thinks it has something to do with wading out into the surf chest high to throw my bait over the first sandbar. She does allow that I probably wouldn’t have caught that sweet red if I hadn’t!

  20. 20.

    khead

    @Tommy:

    I couldn’t even tell you who he works for now – he just started this job recently. But they know his wife and called her when he didn’t come in. Just the kind of weird thing that wouldn’t happen for most folks and I am sure he’d be gone now if they hadn’t made that call.

  23. 23.

    Tommy

    @raven: I am not a beach/ocean kind of guy. I like mountains and forest. Then my brother got married. In Flordia. On a beach, cause well it was a beach. No ties to there. I spent nine days on said beach. I found myself thinking I understand beach bums. I didn’t want to leave the darn place.

  24. 24.

    raven

    @Tommy: “Got a Caribbean soul I can barely control. . . ”

    or, if you will:

    Mother, mother ocean, I have heard you call
    Wanted to sail upon your waters since I was three feet tall
    Youve seen it all, youve seen it all

    Watched the men who rode you switch from sails to steam
    And in your belly you hold the treasures few have ever seen
    Most of em dream, most of em dream

    Yes I am a pirate, two hundred years too late
    The cannons don’t thunder, there’s nothin to plunder
    Im an over-sixty victim of fate
    Arriving too late, arriving too late

  25. 25.

    Suzanne

    @khead: Well, that’s a great reason to be thankful.

    I’m thankful for Balloon Juice, because I have found nowhere else that I can talk about politics, pets, music, snark, and food with others of like mind. Happy Thanksgiving, John, Lily, Rosie, and Steve.

  26. 26.

    TheMightyTrowel

    @Bill D.: As an archaeologist, let me say with some authority that the late 20th/early 21st century will be discussed largely in terms of the vicious religious battles between the gods of Coke and Milk. The distinct plastic and aluminum vessels for the ritual drinking associated with both cults will be typologised endlessly, contrasted and argued over. Archaeologists will spend careers arguing about the role of child sacrifice and animal worship in each of these religions.

  28. 28.

    Botsplainer

    @raven:

    That’s one of my top 5 favorites. Going to see Buffett for my umpteenth time Saturday.

    In routine holiday news, we refused to stuff the bird this year. The result was infinitely better – there was no freak out over undercooked stuffing, so the fowl didn’t dry out.

  29. 29.

    mainmata

    Steelers starting out cautious and wonky and kind of sucky. Not sure what their strategy is for the Ravens. Not expecting much from Pittsburgh, sad to say. Tomorrow, head out to our continuing farm project (19th century place in the Shenandoah Valley) that needs a total rehab.

  34. 34.

    Josie

    @Botsplainer: I agree with this decision. It is easier to do a good job cooking both the turkey and the dressing if they are kept separate. You can get the extra seasoning into the turkey by putting herbs in the cavity.

  35. 35.

    JoyfulA

    @khead: Joe Biden went through that. It was said that had he not dropped out of running for president, he’d have died. He’d felt sick, but was too busy for health care.

  36. 36.

    JCJ

    Just finished a relaxing dinner of beef jungol for Thanksgiving. No relatives this year besides my wife and daughter. They are particularly thankful for that!

    @knead – so glad to hear about your brother. You might want to ask about the risk of aneurysms in family members. There are some familial syndromes of aneurysms. A special type of MRI (MRAngiography) can find asymptomatic aneurysms which can be clipped by a neurosurgeon and thus a major medical issue can be prevented.

  38. 38.

    Suzanne

    @JPL: I am in all honesty SOOOOOOOO thankful for the support on the exams. I have one coming up on December 18. This is retaking the one that I failed back in April. After that….only one more. I am so close, I am getting antsy about it.

  42. 42.

    MikeJ

    @PsiFighter37:

    How has Obama failed us today? I don’t think I’ve been informed yet.

    My blanc de blancs wasn’t quite as dry as I would have preferred. Thanks Obama.

  44. 44.

    danielx

    Guests all gone, second cup of coffee, getting my second wind…be ready for a turkey sandwich soon.

  46. 46.

    hildebrand

    Great day – served just north of 250 people a wonderful Thanksgiving Dinner (food pantry clients and a decent smattering of congregational folk). We had enough food to send to the local girls school (a school for abused and pregnant Mexican kids), as well as for food pantry clients. A very good day, indeed.

  47. 47.

    Yatsuno

    @MikeJ: He also hasn’t arranged a double resignation with Biden so a good Republican drunk can ascend to be the Presidency. He also hasn’t unilaterally nullified every law he’s signed since taking office. Him admitting he really was never eligible for office in the first place would also be required. Then all they have left is Reid and Pelosi. That still will cause them to freak out, but at least proper order will be restored.

  48. 48.

    TrishB

    I’ve just come back from the emergency vet clinic after putting my (almost) 13 year old puppy to sleep. Pepper was my best little girl, an (almost) perfectly behaved* mini schnauzer. She’s been the definition of tough for the last four years, since her original diabetes diagnosis and all that followed from that – Cushing’s, cataracts, glaucoma, and gall bladder disease. It seems with all the meds she took, I must be missing at least one diagnosis. Today she went into a full Addisonian crisis that may or may not have been treatable, but it would have put her through “aggressive therapy” to find out. It was time.

    I’m raw and I hurt and I am glad that Pepper won’t be suffering, but that isn’t making it easier.

    *The perfectly behaved part is all through Pep’s own powers of observation. She figured out everything going on around her very quickly as a puppy and then later when she went blind.

  49. 49.

    raven

    @TrishB: Oh I’m so sorry to hear this. We put our Raven through the whole gamut for cancer and we swear we wouldn’t do it again because of the toll it took on him. I posted this last night for Fergus:

    We who choose to surround ourselves
    with lives even more temporary than our
    own, live within a fragile circle;
    easily and often breached.
    Unable to accept its awful gaps,
    we would still live no other way.
    We cherish memory as the only
    certain immortality, never fully
    understanding the necessary plan.
    — Irving Townsend

  50. 50.

    Yatsuno

    @TrishB: :: hug :: She went with you nearby, and that is always a great comfort. You need healing and tears for a bit, but we’ll be here for you if you need us.

  52. 52.

    Tissue Thin Pseudonym (JMN)

    Maybe the world is becoming a bit more of an enlightened place. Jonathan Trott, England’s #3 batsman, flew home after the first Ashes test because he was overwhelmed by the stress. The general reaction (though I haven’t looked at the Daily Mail and have no intention of doing so) seems supportive. If everyone can learn to accept mental illness in sports, maybe they can learn to do so elsewhere.

  53. 53.

    Suzanne

    @TrishB: Oh, damn. Hugs to you and yours. FWIW, I think you did the right thing. I don’t believe in keeping them alive at any cost. They deserve better than extended suffering. Of course, that doesn’t make it any easier on you. I hope that you find some peace soon.

  54. 54.

    TrishB

    @raven: @Yatsuno: @Tissue Thin Pseudonym (JMN):
    The condolences are hugely appreciated. I knew this would happen with Pepper sooner rather than later, but the evet clinic on Thanksgiving night is not a place for anyone with happy pets. Seizures, hit and runs, and infected surgical drains, etc. I almost left, but knew that Pepper could not last like this and I’d bring her home only for her to end up in pain instead of discomfort long before morning. I just need to figure how how to banish all 14 inch dark objects out of the corners of my eyes, because. . . .

  55. 55.

    Violet

    @khead: Wow, that’s great news. Best wishes to your brother for continuing his amazing recovery.

    Thanksgiving was good. Too much food of course. Two kinds of turkey–one was fried and injected with some sort of flavoring and probably rubbed with something else (the cook said the whole flavor thing was a secret). It seems to be giving me some sort of allergic reaction–running nose, chest congestion, eyes watering–that kind of thing. I just had some leftovers for a snack and it’s got to be the turkey because the other stuff I ate is stuff I made and it’s got nothing in it that has ever caused me a problem. I think I might have to toss the rest of the turkey I brought home.

  60. 60.

    Mary G

    We just got home from a great dinner. Higgs Boson’s Mate made pies that were a big hit. They were the second, third and fourth pies he’s ever made, but you’d never know.

  61. 61.

    Violet

    @TrishB: Very sorry for your loss. Pepper sounds like a real sweetie. You did right by her and were there for her to the end. That’s the very best you could do for her. Be gentle with yourself.

  64. 64.

    seaboogie

    @TrishB: So sorry for your loss of your sweet Pepper. At this time last year I got some turkey from the hot table at the local grocery to share with my ailing golden Seamus. He ate only a tiny bit. He of the unstoppable appetitie. Took him to the vet on Friday and got antibiotics for an unspecified illness. And then the Monday after Thanksgiving was his last day. He was completely limp and nearly gone and my ex paid for the vet to come to my cottage to let him go and then take him away.

    So today I was invited for a Thanksgiving dinner party by a friend and neighbor, and was overcome with unexpected grief while preparing my dish for the party – wracked with sobs while peeling turnips, I was. I ended up dropping off the dish with a bottle of wine and my regrets and left. Thanksgiving dinner this year was a bag of M & M’s that I found in my purse.

    It’s tough stuff losing our canine companions, and my heart reaches out to you and honors your loss.

  65. 65.

    Uncle Cosmo

    @Old Dan and Little Ann:

    This game is going to give me a fucking ulcer. Fuck the ravens. Go Steelers!

    Welcome to a new hole in your stomach. After that classless move Omar pulled on Jacoby’s return that somehow the zeebs managed to overlook, yinz deserved to lose. And. You. Did. Now go back to cheering for the Pens.

  66. 66.

    2liberal

    its thursday and i am losing by 100 points in my FFL league. If i lose i think i don’t get a first round bye in the league. my opponent has 4 players to go , i have 8 more. Usually 135 points is enough to win. I don’t think so this week. This is my $$$$ league also.

  67. 67.

    TrishB

    @Suzanne: @Violet: @Darkrose: @seaboogie: I thank all of for joining in or sharing my grief. This is not a thing we can do on a holiday or day of remembrance if it can be helped. @seaboogie: Pepper’s favorite since diabetes/cushing’s has been water and snow. That wasn’t working today, so we needed to have some testing. When there’s no way to make anything work, that’s how it goes. She sighed one last time in my arms.

  68. 68.

    Death Panel Truck

    A Ravens fan held up a sign during the game. Had Ben’s head on it, and the approximate words (can’t remember for sure), “Beat the stuffing out of this turkey.” Loved it.

    Detroit won, and I’m happy. It’s hard being a Lions fan. I’ve followed them since 1980, when they drafted Billy Sims, and over and over, year after year, they just keep breaking my heart.

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