Don’t be fooled by those beautiful Clydesdales and horses kicking field goals and other patriotic and holiday themed commercials, the Belgians and Brazilians at InBev knew what they were doing. First, they took out an American General with Bud Lite Lime. What evil are they plotting with this vile shit:
Why? Why would anyone drink this? Why would anyone think it was wise to make this? And the Belgians, of all people, should know better. They know how to do a lambic right. This is just sacrilege.
Despicable and transparently evil.
KG
I ask this about American macro brews almost everyday… And constantly when someone tries to be nice by buying me a round… I mean, it’s terrible, but can’t let alcohol go to waste
NotMax
A margarita* (in the loosest sense of the term) chock full of Red Dye #2**, marketed by a Belgian firm.
America truly is a melting pot.
*It’s like a margarita, but more Flemish. (A joke which works so much better said aloud.)
**At the time it was outlawed in foods, cranberries and maraschino cherries were exempted, as it was thought no one could possibly ingest enough within a certain time frame to reach danger levels – that was before anything such as cranberry juice showed up on the shelves.
feebog
I am off to Cabo San Lucas Saturday. Best part of CSL is the beer. Pacifico, Corona, Modello, Tecate, Dos Equis, no shortage of good beer. Plus, tacos! Adios amigos, see you in two weeks.
Fuzzy
InBev bought them 2 years ago. Hey, at least they import Stella Artois in pounders. Sooo much better than that swill Bud has been pushing on us for years and much cheaper than the “cute label” stuff with the taste that stays for days.
ant
I dont know who would drink that crap.
The other night I made a drink with tanqueray vodka, and fresh squeezed orange and lime.
unbelievably good.
Omnes Omnibus
Look what the Belgians did in the Congo. Don’t trust them.
NotMax
Budweiser moved Rolling Rock production to New Jersey.
But Iron City brewing moved into the former Rolling Rock facility, so swillers can still get that ‘water taken from just downstream of the paper mill waste outlet’ tang, only under a different label
Omnes Omnibus
@NotMax: Did you ever drink Coy International? It is/was out of NOLA. It tasted like bad carbonated white wine, but slightly hoppy, in a can. In college, my fraternity had a soda machine that had a beer slot, drinks were a quarter and there was always a variety of of beer in the slot – from Heineken through Coy – drunk frat kids would pay to get another beer if they got a Coy. More importantly, they would leave the Coy on top of the machine and other kids would pay to get another beer rather than take a free Coy. It was that bad.
Howard Beale IV
What made them do this? This.
NotMax
@ant
Worth having a bottle of Midori around to make the occasional melonball.
jl
What happened to ‘wine’ coolers? They still around? They were basically fruit flavored beer, right?
I can’t think of a more American drink that a wine cooler / malt beverage (whatever the hell it is) made with cranberries, modeled after a Mexican cocktail.
Why does John Cole hate diversity?
ranchandsyrup
@feebog: go to Los paises for tacos. Have fun
jl
Tell you what, scoffers, go stomp on some cranberries packed into a dirty sock or something, and brew your own in a plastic bucket out in the garage, see if YOU can do better.
BD of MN
@jl: Wine coolers actually started out as sweetened wine spritzer sort of things, they were reformulated as “malt beverages” as a tax dodge…
Villago Delenda Est
A buddy of mine in the Army always wondered why Anheuser-Busch would associate their product, a yellow foaming liquid, with draft horses.
NotMax
@Omnes Omnibus
Must be really, really foul.
Will take a rain check, thanks.
People used to bring to college cases of cans of Maximus Super from out of state (it was brewed in Utica, NY and marketed in but a small area). It had either double or triple (forget which) the alcohol of any regular beer. Drinkable, but meh.
Have another story about the worst free brew ever offered, but it’s kind of a convoluted and potentially disgusting tale. Don’t want to put anyone off their feed.
Villago Delenda Est
Wow! Noisemax makes a startling discovery:
NSA Tracking Your Cell Phone
Well, duh! Remember how the LAPD tracked OJ Simpson during the slow speed chaise all over the LA metro area?
That was nearly 20 years ago.
Noisemax is right on top of breaking news!
Elizabelle
@Villago Delenda Est:
point taken. lol
GHayduke (formerly lojasmo)
I stick to white wine (currently the cheapest organic table wine at Trader Joes). Before this, I drank a local craft IPA that cost &12 for four pints. I seriously drink stupid exclusive.
Green fin white if anybody wants to try it. It’s a little sweet, but pretty good.
srv
This shit will fly when PBR is hip.
doh.
Anoniminous
@jl:
After US wine makers destroyed the market value of Chenin Blanc as a stand-alone varietal they had to do something with the bazillion of acres of grapes so they started mixing it with “fruit juices” (made from reconstituted from frozen American imitation fruit-like liquid) and marketing the result to palate challenged, brain damaged, trendoids.
Whether wine coolers are still A Thing is a question I leave to those more in touch with Pop Culture than I.
trollhattan
I think I spy a new Colbert sponsor! Gotta be a new Doritos flavor to go with this…whatever the hell it is.
Villago Delenda Est
@Anoniminous:
True story:
The weekend after I turned 21, my 17 year old brother asked me to buy some stuff for him at the local supermarket.
TJ Swann’s “Stepping Out” and “Mellow Nights.”
I told him two things that day. First, it was illegal for me to purchase alcohol for the consumption by minors such as himself. Second, that I would not be caught dead buying that stuff. I had a reputation as a person of taste to maintain.
NotMax
@trollhattan
Mackerel. (ref.)
? Martin
A few of us had an extensive conversation about it. Bottom line, we have no idea what it’s made of. Is it a beer, a wine cooler, or just whatever fermented bits they found in the back of the refinery? We couldn’t sort it out.
We’re expecting that it’s either a Bud Light Lime with some artificial cranberry and artificial tequila flavoring, or a zima flavored up which is being peddled on what Budweiser thinks is the good name of Bud Light Lime, but otherwise has nothing at all to do with it.
mclaren
The vehemence of your public protests tells us you’re so gay for this shit, Cole, you probably have 4 pallet-loads of it in your basement right now.
Omnes Omnibus
@mclaren: Sad. Really sad.
taylormattd
Honestly, I’m a utter beer wimp, a sterotypical gay man who actually drinks bud light with my lesbian friends. And I would not touch that shit with someone else’s ten foot pole. What the actual fuck.
taylormattd
@mclaren: Did you just write that?
? Martin
@trollhattan: Colbert’s Pringles consumer alert still cracks me up.
As does his his Domino’s bit.
? Martin
@mclaren: I gotta say, not your best work there.
Jim, Foolish Literalist
@? Martin: You ever try typing under a bridge? It’s dark and damp and lonely.
Omnes Omnibus
@? Martin: Nah, these are the threads in which mclaren outs himself as a simple douchebag rather than the purity imp he pretends to be.
Anoniminous
@Villago Delenda Est:
LOL
I admit (when I was young & stupid) to purchasing Annie Greensprings
rot gut“wine.” But even then the thought of forking over cash for TJ Swann’s was a Step Too Far. (God, that sh*t was vile.)BTW, I’m hearing we should stock-up on 2012 California reds.
A couple to avoid: opened a bottle of RavensWood 2011 Old Vine Cabernet Sauvignon and wasn’t pleased. The 2011 Kenwood-Jackson Sauvignon Blanc is crap, they should be ashamed of foisting that swill upon the US public. Tasting that and with other experiences with most of the whites from California I guess after destroying Chenin Blanc and Chardonnay (I fondly remember the Roudon Smith Chardonnays of the mid 80s) the Californians have taken aim at Sauvignon Blanc.
ETA: for grammar.
? Martin
@Anoniminous: I used to get Mad Dog in college because it was the only stuff my roommate wouldn’t drink. Early in the evening you soften up on something that doesn’t taste like shit and then once you’re pretty pissed you switch over to the MD to stretch you to the next morning. But it’d take a dollar pretty far…
NotMax
@Anoniminous
For whatever reason, the Ravenswood Zinfandel is often on a good sale here. Not great, but satisfactorily quaffable.
Have a bottle of 1984 Mayacamas late harvest zin still awaiting a special occasion.
Suffern ACE
Lets see
1) People who like ‘ritas and think that the drink is named after her and not a flower.
2) People who associate cranberries and Mexico
3) People who are not experienced in mixing their own drinks
4) People who don’t want to go through the hassle of inventing the optimal combination of cranberry and tequila and triple sec on their own.
5) People who don’t care if their margaritas have tequila in them or not
6) People who think that there’s vodka or beer or gin or something in margaritas
7) College girls and boys who would be drinking everclear and Koolaid so this is a step up.
Omnes Omnibus
@Suffern ACE:
Bingo.
NotMax
@? Martin
So the roommate would have no reticence drinking, say, Night Train or Ripple, but drew some imaginary line at MD 20/20?
? Martin
@Suffern ACE: 8) Douchebags
NotMax
@? Martin – @Suffern ACE
9) people who think Boone’s Farm is too complex or highbrow.
Suzanne
My roommate in college liked to drink that Boone’s farm strawberry shit. Fucking nasty. She kind of sucked as a human in general.
I like a beer from time to time, but too much of anything carbonated sometimes makes my stomach hurt. However, one of the youngsters in my office introduced me to the beer-rita, which, I must say, is pretty fucking rad.
Suffern ACE
@Omnes Omnibus: Yeah, but I’m not complaining. I recently discovered that Trader Joes Pomegranate and Lime juice boxes make a great mixer for gin and that’s barely step up from Hi-C & Vodka that I drank at my first college party. At least it’s got antixidants. I’ll probably live forever now.
? Martin
@NotMax: I think he got sick on it once. There was a period of about 3 years when I couldn’t drink rum for that reason. I drank a lot of cinnamon schnapps as well, mostly because of a pair of hot girls that loved the stuff.
Hey, you play the hand you’re dealt.
? Martin
@Suffern ACE: Ok, that’s wrong. But I now have to try it given that I have a dozen of those boxes in my fridge because my daughter takes them to school in her lunch, and a brand new bottle of Plymouth in the freezer.
KG
I was a beer snob from day one. even in my
misspent youth, I couldn’t bring myself to drink the shitty stuff. I’d rather be sober(ish) than drink bad booze.handsmile
@? Martin:
I hope they at least left scorch marks because really…..
Also, mostly?
NotMax
@? Martin
Lunchtime at school will never be the same. :)
Keith P
I believe the thinking behind this is that because Cran-Lemonade is delicious (try it), then Cran-Piss must also be delicious.
Anoniminous
@? Martin:
I’ve never tried Mad Dog. Not from any innate superiority of taste, mind you. By the time it was introduced I had moved on to more better (?) ways of getting buzzed. :-)
@NotMax:
I find California Zins a uniformly Good Buy. Well, except for a bottle of Beringer’s (2010?) that didn’t really taste of anything, which was the strangest thing ever as the ‘nose’ promised a lot. I agree with you about Ravenswood Old Vine Zin as a quaffing wine. I want to taste the 2012 vintage and see if it is as good as predicted.
jl
If you go on that old adage, popular among real old-school American beer drinkers, that all beer is above average, and add that this stuff seems to have beer, or some kind of malt beverage, in it, then what’s all the fuss about?
Suffern ACE
@? Martin: OK, but something else goes in there – I think a little ginger ale. And it goes in a collins glass over ice.
Look, I may be into sweet drinks at the moment, but I’m still trying to be adult about the whole thing.
NotMax
@Keith P
Well, Ocean Spray makes (or used to make) Cranicot, which looked like Cran-Pus.
Reminded of the severe marketing problems back when Jell-O Pudding Pops first became popular and then General Foods tried to market frozen Jell-O Gelatin Pops.
When they melted, they essentially looked like vomit.
Pulled them from the market for quite some time for reformulation.
Anoniminous
@? Martin:
Ah, rum!
Mostly we drink Pusser’s blue label, an exact replication of the British Navy blended recipe for general issue. One of these days I’d like to get a collection of top rums for a taste test. Given the prices … in my dreams.
Yatsuno
@mclaren: Beautiful. I had a feeling you thought kweerz were icky. Nice to have you confirm that.
Suffern ACE
@Anoniminous: If Old Monk isn’t on that list, it’s a sham.
Nutella
I don’t know. It’s more commercial but is it weirder than michelada? Which is beer with salsa in it. Surprisingly tasty.
NotMax
@Nutella
Sounds like a yuppified version of red beer, a venerable concoction.
goblue72
@feebog: You have a very odd definition of good beer.
? Martin
@handsmile: Well, it would follow the same pattern as the MD. Once you’re hammered, everything is awesome. But the girls were why I’d drink the stuff before that point.
And yes, it was well worth the sacrifice. I’m actually quite grateful now that I got through the whole experience in one piece. A lot of my fun in college was going back to the quarry, building a campfire, getting hammered, going skinny dipping, and then waking up when the sun came up and heading off to the caf to try and sober up a bit. How we didn’t drown or poison ourself or burn the place down or get a disease or knocked up or whatever seems now like something of a miracle.
Anoniminous
@Suffern ACE:
Had to look that one up. A rum from India? That’s unusual. Yet not too surprising considering where sugar cane came from (India) and the long history of British domination. At ~$17 it’s surprisingly affordable for a 12 year aged rum. Thanks for the tip. I’ll check it out.
? Martin
@Suffern ACE: I’d just add it to a proper gin and tonic. I don’t like the sweet stuff so much any more. But you provided a recipe of improbable ingredients that I happen to have on hand, so it’s kismet that I try this.
goblue72
@Nutella: Beer, hot sauce/salsa, AND lime. Can’t forget the lime to round out the weirdness.
Tissue Thin Pseudonym (JMN)
I’m predicting a draw in the Adelaide test. Australia currently sits 249/4 as Clarke and Bailey seemed to have settled in for a grinding partnership, punctuated by an occasional George Bailey six.
Edit: Or perhaps more than occasional as Bailey and Clarke have gone off for 20 runs on the last 11 balls.
? Martin
@Anoniminous: It’s East India – British Virgin Islands. So it’s from where rum properly should come from.
Suffern ACE
@Anoniminous: because it is from India, no one believes that it is aged 12 years. But it is interesting and conversation worthy when you have your rum friends over for punch.
Tissue Thin Pseudonym (JMN)
Whoops. There goes Bailey. 257/5
James E. Powell
@jl:
What happened to ‘wine’ coolers? They still around? They were basically fruit flavored beer, right?
As far as I know, the original such abomination by amalgamation was a delightful beverage known as Hop’n Gator. A product of Pittsburgh’s Iron City Brewery, it was malt liquor with something like Gatorade. People pounded it down at concerts when I was in high school.
Bubba Dave
@Nutella: Micheladas are the Mexican Bloody Mary equivalent, or so I was told by multiple Tejanos while I was in San Antonio for a convention. Worked for me– took me from hungover to chipper in about 45 minutes. 10/10, would (and did) drink again.
Villago Delenda Est
@? Martin:
Aren’t the British Virgin Islands in the West Indies, so named because Columbus thought he hit the Indonesian Archipelago in 1492 but was mistaken?
Joseph Nobles
@NotMax: No, man. With cranberry beer, you have to have Stuffing-Flavored Doritos.
Villago Delenda Est
@Anoniminous:
To my brother’s everlasting credit, he became more of an alcohol snob than me. We all go through these phases of “soda pop that gives you a buzz” before we advance to more mature alcoholic beverages, like Eiswein, Laphroaig, and Blended Cadillac Margaritas (aka Slurpees for adults).
Goblue72
@Villago Delenda Est: you are correct, Martin is wrong. East Indies are the region encompassing the Indian subcontinent and much of Southeast Asia (Indonesia, Malaysia, Thailand, Vietnam, etc)
West Indies are the Caribbean.
Sherparick
InBev, which was once Belgian, is now part of a Brazilian hedge fund/private equity Galtian Overlord’s empire. Like most such types, the business is about making lots of green, not a product customers enjoy. http://www.businessweek.com/articles/2012-10-25/the-plot-to-destroy-americas-beer. I think this says it all:
“….One Friday night in January, Rinfret, who is now 52, stopped on the way home from work at his local liquor store in Monroe, N.J., and purchased a 12-pack of Beck’s. When he got home, he opened a bottle. “I was like, what the hell?” he recalls. “It tasted light. It tasted weak. Just, you know, night and day. Bubbly, real fizzy. To me, it wasn’t German beer. It tasted like a Budweiser with flavoring.”
He examined the label. It said the beer was no longer brewed in Bremen. He looked more closely at the fine print: “Product of the USA.” This was profoundly unsettling for a guy who had been a Beck’s drinker for more than half his life. He was also miffed to have paid the full import price for the 12-pack….”
Cassidy
You people need to get out more.
Lurking Canadian
@Anoniminous: what do you mean when you say they destroyed Chenin blanc?
Hawes
You know who ELSE was Belgian?
(No, not Hitler)
Dr. Evil!
Villago Delenda Est
@Hawes:
The Phlems.
The Sprouts.
Miserable fat Belgian bastards!
chopper
@feebog:
you made me throw up in my mouth.
Lurker
@Fuzzy:
As a Belgian-American well-versed in Belgian beers, I can attest that Stella Artois is known in Belgium as “cat piss”. It’s cheap but it’s a poor excuse for a beer.
Freemark
Personally I can’t understand why anyone buys ‘foreign’ beers anymore with so many good microbrewers in America. There are also much better cheap choices than the big brewers like Yuengling and Lions Head. Even though Yuengling himself is a dick.
RonzoniRigatoni
@Lurker: Maas Pils is better, but mosta the Belgii I drank with over there swore by Duval (8%?). Stella’s OK but not among the best. I, too, was sorry to see Beck’s relocated here, and with predictable results. But I did pick up 4 12-pax of their Octoberfest which was selling for $7.99 each. Leuwenbrau’s move to Miller also kilt a formerly favorite for me.
ThresherK
My big question about this product is, Why introduce it in winter? My only exposure to Bud Light Lime was in the middle of a volunteer event at a golf course and it was baking hot and the only beer around. I was glad to have it; you may say it even hit the spot.
But this, in the middle of winter?
Reformed Panty Sniffer
@Sherparick:
I was surpriised recently to discover that Bass Ale (of Burton on Trent fame) is now brewed in New York state.It tasted nothing like the U.K. version of memory. Sad to see once great products getting redone because of globalization. I’m sure some MBA/supply chain expert advocated the change.
I’m totally for beer nationalism and will not drink or pay a premium for a beer that diverges from its roots. Harp is now brewed in Canada so that’s dead to me as well. It seems that Newcastle Brown Ale imay be changing quite a bit as well.
That said, I would give anything for someone to revive Watney’s Red Barrel as a true English ale.
Glocksman
@Freemark:
Unfortunately Yuengling isn’t available here in southwestern Indiana.
Which is too bad because I had some when I visited the DC area and thought it was pretty good for a mass market domestic.
Much better than Miller, Bud or crap imports such as Corona.
There are good Mexican beers, but Corona isn’t one of them.
It’s too ‘heavy’ to drink regularly but Young’s Double Chocolate Stout is decent, as are the various offerings from Rogue’s, especially their Imperial Stout.
Joe Buck
Ah, InBev. I remember seeing an article about the chairman’s disgust at the international success of the mediocre Heineken and his decision to fight by creating a similar (successful) campaign around the most mediocre Belgian beer, Stella Artois. That’s the cheapest beer you can buy on the train in Belgium, and they made it trendy.
Grung_e_Gene
This is marketing towards young people especially girls. Additionally, it’s refreshing to live in a Golden Age of Beer but, I give macrobrews credit for surviving Prohibition and producing beers which while gawd-awful are consistent.
johnny aquitard
To be fair, regular Bud Light is also despicable and is evilly transparent.
LanceThruster
For the record, a friend mixed me a Clamato juice and beer (Bud lime?) and it wasn’t horrible.
And I don’t like Bud and never tasted Clamato (which even sounded gross).
Lurking Canadian
@Lurker: anytime someone tries to give me a “great Belgian beer” it turns out to be some cloudy, wheat based substance that’s roughly as sour as sugar free lemonade.
Maybe Belgians love that flavour, I don’t know, but I’d much rather have Stella.
smedley the uncertain
@feebog: That wouldn’t be my list with the possible exceptions of Pacifico or Dos Equis… When I’m in Baja Sur (La Paz, just up the road from SNL) I enjoy la cerveza Indio. Enjoy, wish I could make it this year.
smedley the uncertain
@Nutella: Micheladas I have had don’t contain salsa. They are a mix of Beer and Lime juice or (sour mix) and some salt on Ice. They don’t light my fire but a hot day on the Sea of Cortez they can be refreshing. Just give me the beer OR the lime juice con ron and I’m happier.
smedley the uncertain
@goblue72: Made me think… I remember a Mexican drink of Beer and Clamato and lime/salt. Can’t recall the name but don’t think it was Michelada… The beer and clamato was more to my taste.