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Let’s finish the job.

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Shallow, uninformed, and lacking identity

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You are here: Home / Nursing New Wounds

Nursing New Wounds

by John Cole|  December 17, 20139:45 pm| 152 Comments

This post is in: Clown Shoes, Serenity Now!

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As I was at the Post Office today, I got my mail and saw that a wrong piece of mail was in my box, but it belonged to a neighbor I had just seen walking out. Rather than giving it to the Postmaster to put in the right box, I walked out and went to find them. Because the slightest thing distracts me, as I was walking towards the exit I went back to checking my mail, I opened the door, saw them, yelled, and… completely forgot that the sidewalk abruptly stopped and had a 12″ drop-off.

Long story short, I faceplanted, shot mail through the air, but, because I am an accomplished klutz, I rolled with the FAIL fall and came out with only two skinned knees and a ruined pair of khakis, a skinned elbow and a skinned palm and a bruised and bleeding pinkie finger (I have no idea how, either), and I wrenched the muscles in my good shoulder. I am now as brokedick as my car, which is still in a fucking field because the damned farmer is never home. It’s like my car was rolled into the Bermuda triangle.

At any rate, I hopped right up, did a quick check, assured my neighbor I was ok and that there were no broken bones and it was all cosmetic damage (I’m telling you, I’m a pro at my own personal triage these days), and thought to myself “this is going to suck in about 8 hours.” And it does. Shoulder is throbbing and I had forgotten how much fun it is to shower with strawberries all over your body.

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Reader Interactions

152Comments

  1. 1.

    ruemara

    December 17, 2013 at 9:47 pm

    You’re like the bastard spawn of Chevy Chase and John Ritter.

  2. 2.

    raven

    December 17, 2013 at 9:48 pm

    And when they ooze and stick to your clothes.

  3. 3.

    Botsplainer

    December 17, 2013 at 9:48 pm

    Chris Farley should play you in the biopic.

  4. 4.

    PsiFighter37

    December 17, 2013 at 9:49 pm

    Maybe take some Advil for the pain, or an ice pack perhaps? I have no idea, but that doesn’t sound pleasant at all. Hope you feel better soon.

  5. 5.

    Old Dan and Little Ann

    December 17, 2013 at 9:50 pm

    It must suck to be clumsy.

  6. 6.

    GregB

    December 17, 2013 at 9:53 pm

    Can we start calling you Shleprock?

  7. 7.

    Comrade Jake

    December 17, 2013 at 9:53 pm

    I am now as brokedick as my car, which is still in a fucking field because the damned farmer is never home.

    Otherwise known as just another day in West Virginia.

  8. 8.

    magurakurin

    December 17, 2013 at 9:55 pm

    to the assholes that were here a couple of weeks ago claiming that Obama wouldn’t get any appointees through after the filibuster change because of his political malpractice…

    …looks like you were wrong…again….he’s got this.

    All told, the Senate has confirmed 13 executive-branch and judicial nominees in just 7 days.

  9. 9.

    Roger Moore

    December 17, 2013 at 9:56 pm

    Do you buy Tegaderm by the case? If not, why not?

  10. 10.

    beltane

    December 17, 2013 at 9:56 pm

    Because I’m old and losing my mind, I first read this as a “12′ drop” and was amazed you escaped with such minor injuries.

  11. 11.

    zombie rotten mcdonald

    December 17, 2013 at 9:57 pm

    First snowfall this year, I slipped on the driveway, threw out my hand to catch myself, and dislocated my little finger. Had to pull it back into place myself.

  12. 12.

    Genine

    December 17, 2013 at 9:58 pm

    Well, John, you had a good months-long stretch without any major or moderate injuries and I can’t recall a time when that was the case so…. there you go.

    Get well soon!

  13. 13.

    NotMax

    December 17, 2013 at 10:01 pm

    Eyes.

    They’re not there just for symmetry.

  14. 14.

    KyCole

    December 17, 2013 at 10:02 pm

    I feel your pain as a fellow klutz. I never remember where half of my bruises originated. I still have a messed up toe from when I rolled over the sidewalk chalk that my granddaughter left on my front steps. It was an amazing display of clumsiness in front of a 3-year-old. I scared the shit out of her with my reaction.

  15. 15.

    LT

    December 17, 2013 at 10:04 pm

    Cole. What the hell, man.

    Pills, ice, booze. Sleep tight.

  16. 16.

    lamh36

    December 17, 2013 at 10:04 pm

    First of all, I want to say good that you’re ok.

    Second of all, hahahahah, OMG dude you are the most accident-prone person I”ve never met. The simplest things and one can be assured that you will find a way to almost break your neck.

    Third, again, glad you’re ok…

  17. 17.

    James Hare

    December 17, 2013 at 10:05 pm

    It’s posts like this that make me think or humble blogmaster should run for President. What better way to establish the common touch than to be a complete klutz?

  18. 18.

    Comrade Mary

    December 17, 2013 at 10:05 pm

    Oh, John. I first read “strawberries” as a reference to some lovely, soothing shower unguent, but I guess you meant the kind of strawberries my mom used to cluck her tongue over and which I had totally forgotten about until now.

    Yes, Tegaderm is your friend. Don’t leave home without it.

    Anyway, your spirit has been with me and away from me this week:

    1) I successfully mopped my tub clean the other day (while wearing clothing) and caused no injury. In fact, it’s a very sensible way of cleaning a tub with a huge, awkward sliding door.Thanks for the tip!

    2) I watched in horror today as an elderly man steered his car into the streetcar I was riding, but he exited the car on the passenger side under his own power. He may feel awful tomorrow, but he didn’t seem to have any huge trauma today. I managed to bang my left shoulder when the streetcar driver braked suddenly to reduce the collision impact, so I’ll have to keep icing it and making sure it doesn’t flare up again.

  19. 19.

    Omnes Omnibus

    December 17, 2013 at 10:06 pm

    Cole, you can admit it now. You caused the Camp Doha thing, didn’t you?

  20. 20.

    ? Martin

    December 17, 2013 at 10:06 pm

    Uh huh.

    Get well soon Yutsy.

  21. 21.

    Short Bus Bully

    December 17, 2013 at 10:08 pm

    I am now as brokedick as my car, which is still in a fucking field because the damned farmer is never home.

    Got me laughing out loud. Well worth the price of admission to this blog. Keep on truckin’…

  22. 22.

    LT

    December 17, 2013 at 10:09 pm

    Klutz: When I was between 7 and 11 or so, it was a standing joke to send me to get kids downstairs for supper. I would go to top of cellar staris (3 bedrooms in unfinished cellar; I was one of 11), and, being the impatient little shit I was/am, I’d refuse to go down the stairs, but rather just squat on landing, bend over, look down under the cellar cieling, call out to other kids, and boom, boom, plunk, shlep, oof, fall down the stairs. I did that way to many times. Still have scars. Concrete floor and all.

  23. 23.

    LT

    December 17, 2013 at 10:10 pm

    @Short Bus Bully: ONLY thing worht price of admission. The rest he should charge for…

  24. 24.

    Gus

    December 17, 2013 at 10:12 pm

    Was gonna mock you, but remembered that the other day I slipped on ice while carrying my 2 year old, and we both went flying. Fortunately it was cold, he was bundled up so much I could have dropped him off the roof, and he would have been fine.

  25. 25.

    Amir Khalid

    December 17, 2013 at 10:13 pm

    Ouch. That hurts just to read about. I want to suggest you get a suit of armour for everyday clothing, but I think I can resist the temptation.

  26. 26.

    Ash Can

    December 17, 2013 at 10:13 pm

    Jesus Freaking Overholt Christ, Cole, can’t we leave you alone for a MINUTE?

  27. 27.

    trollhattan

    December 17, 2013 at 10:13 pm

    @ruemara:

    And Gerald Ford. Anyway, OW. Last time I wrecked my bike (human-powered) I could feel my shoulder pop out then back into place. Still hurts. Gettin’ old sucks.

  28. 28.

    burnspbesq

    December 17, 2013 at 10:15 pm

    Look at the bright side: you didn’t have to spend thousands of dollars on a high-performance bicycle in order to get a case of road rash.

  29. 29.

    Narcissus

    December 17, 2013 at 10:17 pm

    Think about a Rascal Mobility Scooter.

  30. 30.

    Comrade Mary

    December 17, 2013 at 10:18 pm

    @burnspbesq: In fact, a cheap bike from Craigslist will also do an excellent job of creating road rash. Also, too, torn ligaments. Contusions. Stuff. /sigh

  31. 31.

    Quaker in a Basement

    December 17, 2013 at 10:22 pm

    It’s a good thing you’re not somebody else. If you were, you’d get arrested for assault on John Cole.

  32. 32.

    Omnes Omnibus

    December 17, 2013 at 10:23 pm

    @Quaker in a Basement:

    Jamesir Bensonmum: She murdered herself in her sleep, sir.

    Dick Charleston: You mean suicide?

    Jamesir Bensonmum: Oh no, it was murder, all right. Mrs. Twain HATED herself.

    ETA: FYWP

  33. 33.

    Valdivia

    December 17, 2013 at 10:24 pm

    Glad Yutsano is ok
    Glad John is ok
    What did Barbara Walters do tonight that has twitter upset?

  34. 34.

    Karen in GA

    December 17, 2013 at 10:25 pm

    I just know that if I mock you, within 24 hours I’ll do a header off my back deck or something, so out of self-preservation as much as basic kindness I offer you my sympathy.

  35. 35.

    danielx

    December 17, 2013 at 10:26 pm

    Well, you haven’t had any Three Stooges-type catastrophes for some time. You were due.

  36. 36.

    Central Planning

    December 17, 2013 at 10:28 pm

    How is it possible we won Gulf War I when you were over there?

    One time I started walking down some stairs and the heel of my dress shoe came off (it somehow caught on the runner). I was carrying my infant son at the time – maybe 2 years old – and I was holding him with one arm. Because I did not realize I was missing the heel, when my foot came down I lost my alance and started to fall down the stairs. With my free arm I grabbed the railing but Son of Central Planning #1 started falling out of my arm. Time slowed to a crawl. I could immediately sense that if SOCP1 continued on that arc towards the floor, he would hit head first. I gave him a little bit of a shove, just enough to have him continue the flip. It was a weird sensation knowing I had to do that.

    He landed flat on his back (on a rug with padding) but still, that could have been ugly.

  37. 37.

    Cassidy

    December 17, 2013 at 10:28 pm

    I bet there was an NSA Sooper Ninja Agent standing there and they tripped you. Damn you NSA! Khaaaaaaaannnnnn!

  38. 38.

    Omnes Omnibus

    December 17, 2013 at 10:30 pm

    @Valdivia: I am going guess it had something to do with her Miley Cyrus interview. Or Obama.

  39. 39.

    Bill E Pilgrim

    December 17, 2013 at 10:31 pm

    Okay wait, I followed the part about jumping the curb, rolling a few times and ending up bashed and scraped and sitting in some farmers field. But what was it that happened to the car?

  40. 40.

    Omnes Omnibus

    December 17, 2013 at 10:33 pm

    @Bill E Pilgrim: He loaned it to one of his frat kids and the kid got run off the road by a fracking convoy. The car rolled. No one was hurt but the car is probably dead.

  41. 41.

    Valdivia

    December 17, 2013 at 10:33 pm

    @Omnes Omnibus:

    I think those must be good guesses! I guess I will wait for someone to write it up so I can inform myself. I refuse to watch her and Piers Morgan chatting it up!

  42. 42.

    Bill E Pilgrim

    December 17, 2013 at 10:34 pm

    @Omnes Omnibus: I was making a joke.

  43. 43.

    Svensker

    December 17, 2013 at 10:34 pm

    And that let you carry a RIFLE in the Army? Did it have bullets in it? Jeez.

    Sweet dreams to Yutsers.

    Well, to you, too, Cole. Criminy.

  44. 44.

    Omnes Omnibus

    December 17, 2013 at 10:36 pm

    @Bill E Pilgrim: Oops.

  45. 45.

    Bill E Pilgrim

    December 17, 2013 at 10:37 pm

    @Omnes Omnibus: It’s okay, good intentions recognized. Thanks.

  46. 46.

    khead

    December 17, 2013 at 10:37 pm

    Since we’re celebrating the “injured but not dead” I just wanted to add that I finally got to visit my bro last week for a couple of days.

    You would never know the dude had a stroke on November 12th. He’s doing so well I can’t begin to describe it. The week it happened I was fully expecting the worst – as in death, paralysis, etc. Instead, he’s still the same person – except for a bit of crabbiness over being babied and a serious lack of endurance.

    I asked him to buy a Mega Millions ticket.

  47. 47.

    Anne Laurie

    December 17, 2013 at 10:37 pm

    Because the slightest thing distracts me…

    Seriously, Cole: When you go in for your next checkup, ask about getting tested for ADD. Just having a diagnosis can be helpful!

    Also — check your email…

  48. 48.

    Rob_in_Hawaii

    December 17, 2013 at 10:37 pm

    Sorry, dude, I know how you feel.

    Yesterday at the doc I had to list all broken bones, operations, etc., I’ve racked up over my lifetime. Damn: 2 broken arms, 2 ankle sprains in hard casts, 3 shoulder ops, 1 foot op, stitches here, stitches there, and a couple of broken digits. Also, too much blood spilled and skin scraped to list. And 2 concussions, which may mean I forgot some of the other stuff

    No, I am not accident prone; the world is simply made of stuff that is too hard and too sharp.

  49. 49.

    Unabogie

    December 17, 2013 at 10:39 pm

    I think you picked the wrong week to give up heroin.

  50. 50.

    Omnes Omnibus

    December 17, 2013 at 10:40 pm

    @Rob_in_Hawaii: Have you considered the fashion possibilities of bubble wrap and cotton balls?

  51. 51.

    Citizen_X

    December 17, 2013 at 10:42 pm

    The Jackass crew should make you an honorary member. While they have to actually set up painful stunts for themselves, all they would have to do for you is just follow you around with a camera.

  52. 52.

    Bill E Pilgrim

    December 17, 2013 at 10:42 pm

    @Narcissus:

    Think about a Rascal Mobility Scooter.

    I think all that would do is add wheels to the equation. I mean, think about it.

  53. 53.

    Omnes Omnibus

    December 17, 2013 at 10:43 pm

    @Bill E Pilgrim: Add that to ice and hills…. And animals….

  54. 54.

    jl

    December 17, 2013 at 10:43 pm

    Mayhew needs to write a post on the how they are going to solve the John G Cole medical care cost crisis, which surely threatens to wreck health care reform.

  55. 55.

    Long Tooth

    December 17, 2013 at 10:46 pm

    Keep a healthy distance from cardboard compacters, Cole.

  56. 56.

    chrome agnomen

    December 17, 2013 at 10:47 pm

    @Rob_in_Hawaii:

    no, you’re accident prone.

  57. 57.

    Honus

    December 17, 2013 at 10:49 pm

    I’m sorry for your pain and glad there are no major injuries, but it does kind of worry me that you used to carry a .45 and drive a tank.

  58. 58.

    Omnes Omnibus

    December 17, 2013 at 10:51 pm

    @Honus: Feel comforted by the fact that you could use the past tense in that sentence.

  59. 59.

    mclaren

    December 17, 2013 at 10:51 pm

    How the hell did you make it through combat in Desert Storm, Cole?

  60. 60.

    Laertes

    December 17, 2013 at 10:53 pm

    For God’s sake, man. We can’t take you anywhere.

  61. 61.

    Mnemosyne (iPhone)

    December 17, 2013 at 10:54 pm

    Well, that was annoying. G dropped a chunk of fruit from his dump cake inside the oven the other day and didn’t clean it up. And what happens when an unsuspecting person turns said oven to 450 degrees?

    Come on, I’M supposed to be the one with ADHD around here!

  62. 62.

    Comrade Mary

    December 17, 2013 at 10:54 pm

    Guys, help me! I’m trying to remember some comedy sketch (Python / not Python?) of a character who falls, then gets right back up again as if never injured (but staggering).

    It’s probably a trope, but any links would be appreciated.

  63. 63.

    eastriver

    December 17, 2013 at 10:56 pm

    How’s the adoption and stopping drinking things going?

  64. 64.

    Belafon

    December 17, 2013 at 10:56 pm

    @Gus: I was at a school function for my oldest child. I was carrying his younger brother, 2 at the time. There was some water on the floor I didn’t notice until I started slipping on it. I twisted so that I sort of rolled into the landing, and held the younger one in the air. He ended up ok, but I somehow managed take a layer of skin off my arm on the linoleum.

  65. 65.

    Omnes Omnibus

    December 17, 2013 at 10:58 pm

    @Comrade Mary:

    Guys, help me! I’m trying to remember some comedy sketch (Python / not Python?) of a character who falls, then gets right back up again as if never injured (but staggering).

    I did that once while running on an uneven brick sidewalk. Tripped into a forward roll and came up right in stride. You should have seen the faces on the couple who were walking toward me when it happened.

  66. 66.

    notorious JRT

    December 17, 2013 at 10:59 pm

    Aw, Cole, I AM sorry about your mishap. Thank DOG you did not break bones or teeth!

  67. 67.

    Comrade Mary

    December 17, 2013 at 10:59 pm

    @Omnes Omnibus: MOV or it didn’t happen, dude.

  68. 68.

    Bill E Pilgrim

    December 17, 2013 at 11:01 pm

    @Mnemosyne (iPhone): I can’t believe I’ve never heard of Dump Cake but I had to Google it. I’m glad I did because the actual item looks a lot better than what my imagination was doing with those words. “Cake batter assembled from things you find at the dump” was the least disturbing possibility.

  69. 69.

    Mnemosyne (iPhone)

    December 17, 2013 at 11:01 pm

    @Comrade Mary:

    There’s a famous moment in “Dr. Strangelove” where George C. Scott trips in the middle of a line, does a somersault, and gets back on his feet to finish the line. Is that what you’re thinking of?

  70. 70.

    Omnes Omnibus

    December 17, 2013 at 11:01 pm

    @Comrade Mary: I could try to reenact it but I would end up coled.

    ETA: And don’t get me started about the Canadian girl who smashed my elbow on Mykonos.

  71. 71.

    Comrade Mary

    December 17, 2013 at 11:03 pm

    @Mnemosyne (iPhone): That and Omnes’ somersaults are awesome, but I’m thinking of a straightforward bounce upwards, a bit of brushing off, and continuing on only slightly flustered.

  72. 72.

    Comrade Mary

    December 17, 2013 at 11:03 pm

    @Omnes Omnibus: Neologism alert! ha!

  73. 73.

    Mnemosyne (iPhone)

    December 17, 2013 at 11:04 pm

    @Bill E Pilgrim:

    It’s his specialty and people at his office ask him to make it. Trouble was, what spilled out was a combination of pineapple and cherries in heavy syrup, so it made a giant smoky mess inside the oven.

  74. 74.

    Bill E Pilgrim

    December 17, 2013 at 11:04 pm

    @Mnemosyne (iPhone): Ouch. That kind of thing can become hard as diamonds, to boot.

  75. 75.

    Omnes Omnibus

    December 17, 2013 at 11:05 pm

    @Comrade Mary: Sounds like Python.

    ETA: or Bean.

  76. 76.

    Mnemosyne (iPhone)

    December 17, 2013 at 11:11 pm

    @Bill E Pilgrim:

    If he wants dinner cooked for him, he can get the chisel out and chip the mess off. I ain’t doing it.

  77. 77.

    handsmile

    December 17, 2013 at 11:15 pm

    @Omnes Omnibus:

    No, please do get started (you know you want to). Exotic girl, romantic isle, a little retsina, a bit of the rough stuff….

    @Comrade Mary:

    Could be Harold Lloyd. Could be John Cleese. Could be Bill Irwin. Etc. Any other details you recall?

  78. 78.

    gogol's wife

    December 17, 2013 at 11:16 pm

    @Honus:

    Win.

  79. 79.

    YellowJournalism

    December 17, 2013 at 11:19 pm

    I injure myself at least once or twice a year during wintertime. So far this year I did a nice skid on one foot down a sidewalk and on another day I did the splits when my foot slid forward in the slush and the other one slid behind. I’ve had a sore shoulder ever since then from tensing up. Genuine, certified klutz, as my sister used to call me.

  80. 80.

    Omnes Omnibus

    December 17, 2013 at 11:22 pm

    @handsmile: Much more pedestrian. Both drunk, heading to her hotel room, she stumbles into me. I start to fall. My right hand is in the pocket of my coat and I can’t get it out to break my fall. I land on point of elbow on stony path. I black out for a couple of seconds. Girl is gone. Arm is twice normal size. This was day two of a one week stay – self medicated with ouzo from breakfast on. Twenty years later, the elbow still gives out occasionally; I don’t do bench presses with free weights.

    To be fair, the girl’s Canadianness really wasn’t central to the story.

  81. 81.

    hells littlest angel

    December 17, 2013 at 11:25 pm

    This is one of those things that’s supposed to mysteriously stop happening once you’ve quit drinking.

  82. 82.

    Violet

    December 17, 2013 at 11:26 pm

    Well, we haven’t had one of these threads for awhile! Glad you’re mostly okay.

  83. 83.

    max

    December 17, 2013 at 11:28 pm

    @Comrade Mary: That and Omnes’ somersaults are awesome, but I’m thinking of a straightforward bounce upwards, a bit of brushing off, and continuing on only slightly flustered.

    Well, it *might* be the Mountaineer sketch, but from the description, I’m guessing no.

    And for no reason, here’s the UK version of Cole’s army training.

    max
    [‘I was just thinking about Cole injuring himself the other day – it seems like a there’s a good Top Ten list of Cole’s great brainstorms in there somewhere.’]

  84. 84.

    Comrade Mary

    December 17, 2013 at 11:30 pm

    @handsmile: Most likely British, tv rather than film, and relatively recent (1970s on). The IT Crowd? Not Red Dwarf. Probably male. Not Mary Katherine Gallagher / Molly Shannon from SNL.

  85. 85.

    elspi

    December 17, 2013 at 11:31 pm

    I did that once on a bicycle. Cycled right into a trench (only about 7 feet). Landed on my hands. Rode 10 miles home with no skin on either palm. Never got the blood out of the grips. Now I wear gloves and I try to remember to LOOK WHERE I AM GOING.

    Hope you heal quick.

  86. 86.

    Comrade Mary

    December 17, 2013 at 11:36 pm

    @max: Thank you for those (OMG, I haven’t seen kamikaze Scotsmen for years!) Not what I was looking for, but worth the re-watch.

  87. 87.

    Mnemosyne (iPhone)

    December 17, 2013 at 11:37 pm

    @handsmile:

    Or Buster Keaton in blackface.

    (This is possibly the only blackface scene I’m willing to defend because (a) there is some justification in the story (he needs a job but is embarrassed about it) (b) he doesn’t act in a stereotyped way until he thinks someone recognizes him despite the blackface and (c) the other kitchen staff are perfectly justified in being pissed off when they find out because he stole a job from a black man.)

    @elspi:

    This is why I always wear a bicycle helmet.  I’m far, far more likely to go flying over the handlebars due to my own clumsiness than I am to get hit by a car.

  88. 88.

    Comrade Mary

    December 17, 2013 at 11:37 pm

    @Omnes Omnibus: Dude, Canadian women are trouble. Stay clear!

  89. 89.

    Omnes Omnibus

    December 17, 2013 at 11:40 pm

    @Comrade Mary: French women are trouble. Romanian women certainly are trouble. German woman are trouble. Etc. But what’s a boy to do?

  90. 90.

    handsmile

    December 17, 2013 at 11:42 pm

    @Omnes Omnibus:

    Well, was she French Canadian at least? And the intrigue is not exactly diminished by your laconic “Girl is gone.”

    And shall I assume that “pedestrian” was a wee bit of irony to describe the situation?

    Truly though, the incident makes me wince.

  91. 91.

    Comrade Mary

    December 17, 2013 at 11:42 pm

    @Omnes Omnibus:

    But what’s a boy to do?

    Cold showers, clean thoughts, country hikes. :-)

  92. 92.

    Violet

    December 17, 2013 at 11:43 pm

    @Mnemosyne (iPhone): Trying a baking soda paste on it. It works wonders to clean the oven window and I use it to spot clean stuff that spills in the oven. Mix baking soda and water into a paste. Spread over the spill (or the inside of the oven window). Wait a few minutes, then wipe up with a wet cloth. Works pretty well. Might have to let it sit a bit for burned on fruit syrup.

  93. 93.

    Omnes Omnibus

    December 17, 2013 at 11:44 pm

    @handsmile: No, she was from Toronto.

    @Comrade Mary: I’ll take trouble any day.

    @Violet: Baking soda and vinegar will eat through it.

  94. 94.

    Comrade Mary

    December 17, 2013 at 11:47 pm

    @Mnemosyne (iPhone): Whoa. Had no idea he did blackface. But that was one smooth somersault, I’ll tell ya.

  95. 95.

    ? Martin

    December 17, 2013 at 11:47 pm

    @Omnes Omnibus:

    But what’s a boy to do?

    Get one of each and enjoy.

  96. 96.

    Omnes Omnibus

    December 17, 2013 at 11:48 pm

    @? Martin: Excellent thinking.

  97. 97.

    RobertDSC-PowerMac 466

    December 17, 2013 at 11:49 pm

    Heckuva job, John. Again.

    Get well soon and soak up the love from your pets to speed the process.

  98. 98.

    Omnes Omnibus

    December 17, 2013 at 11:50 pm

    @RobertDSC-PowerMac 466: These things seem to happen when Cole is trying to do something decent. Odd that.

  99. 99.

    Yatsuno

    December 17, 2013 at 11:50 pm

    Wow JC. At least I just got cut up like a Christmas ham.

    Had a reaction to coming off anesthesia. Just some shakes, nothing too serious.

  100. 100.

    wasabi gasp

    December 17, 2013 at 11:52 pm

    Jeez, at twelve inches high, you’d think there’d be a pile of geezers at the bottom to break your fall. Get well soon. You too, Yatsuno.

  101. 101.

    Omnes Omnibus

    December 17, 2013 at 11:52 pm

    @Yatsuno: You seem to be more functional than my mom was after her hip replacement. Home yet?

  102. 102.

    Comrade Mary

    December 17, 2013 at 11:53 pm

    @Yatsuno: OH YES RIGHT NOTHING TOO SERIOUS JAYSUS, YUTSY!

    (Better now?)

  103. 103.

    ? Martin

    December 17, 2013 at 11:53 pm

    @Mnemosyne (iPhone):

    This is why I always wear a bicycle helmet. I’m far, far more likely to go flying over the handlebars due to my own clumsiness than I am to get hit by a car.

    I have two coworkers that did that. Both suffered a bit of long-term concussion damage. One wiped out on a steep turning road, the other was going down the street into her neighborhood and her front wheel fell into a seam in the road and wedged and flung her over.

    Both were wearing helmets and still suffered permanent damage. Without the helmets, it’s iffy whether either would have survived.

  104. 104.

    Ash Can

    December 17, 2013 at 11:54 pm

    @khead: That’s grand. Really.

  105. 105.

    divF

    December 17, 2013 at 11:54 pm

    @Comrade Mary:
    When I was in high school, we asked our Latin teacher, a young Jesuit, but not yet ordained as a priest, how he dealt with celibacy. He shot back with a completely straight face, “cold showers, and plenty of basketball” (He was also the JV roundball coach, with high-tops often visible below his cassock).

  106. 106.

    MomSense

    December 17, 2013 at 11:54 pm

    @handsmile:

    Or it could be the exhausted college back packer falls asleep on a lovely nude beach in Mykonos and wakes up to some dude who apparently was preoccupied by checking out the sleeping sun bather and slipped and tumbled head over tea kettle all the way down the steep path to the beach landing at her feet and waking her up. Back packer was fine but dude was all scraped up.

    /mistaken for French woman while back packing through Europe.

  107. 107.

    ? Martin

    December 17, 2013 at 11:54 pm

    @Yatsuno:

    Had a reaction to coming off anesthesia. Just some shakes, nothing too serious.

    Pretty common.

    Very glad to hear it went well. Sending healing thoughts your way.

  108. 108.

    Omnes Omnibus

    December 17, 2013 at 11:58 pm

    @MomSense: I was and am perfectly capable of behaving like a decent human being on a clothing optional beach. I have, however, been utterly embarrassed by some of my fellow countrymen who giggled, pointed, and said “Heehee! BOOBIES!”

  109. 109.

    Ash Can

    December 17, 2013 at 11:58 pm

    @Comrade Mary: Probably not what you’re thinking of, but probably appropriate all the same.

  110. 110.

    handsmile

    December 18, 2013 at 12:00 am

    @Comrade Mary:

    Sorry, I’m afraid I can be of no help with that. I suspect other BJ sleuths will be hot on the trail though.

    @Mnemosyne (iPhone):

    Thanks, that was delightful and unfamiliar to me. An independent short or scene from a feature film (the latter seems more likely)? Favorite moments: the overturned coffee cup being lifted and Keaton’s fraught moment in the kitchen, once exposed, between the man brandishing knives and the woman with daggers for eyes.

  111. 111.

    Frivolous

    December 18, 2013 at 12:00 am

    Glad that Yatsuno is okay and that John Cole is staying alive despite Dexterity being his dump stat.

  112. 112.

    divF

    December 18, 2013 at 12:01 am

    @Yatsuno: Given the surgery, and given hams, this skirts the edge of TMI, or at least excessively graphic (They don’t call surgeons butchers for nothing). But anyway, get well soon, and enjoy the meds. As for Cole, I feel like we ought to chip in for a Harry and David’s gift, but for delivery of a different package of first-aid supplies and NSAIDs every month (each package appropriate to the time of year, of course).

  113. 113.

    Yatsuno

    December 18, 2013 at 12:01 am

    @Omnes Omnibus: They never release you the day of surgery. This hospital does at least two days after surgery. Then I’m off to a rehab centre for a couple of weeks depending on my progress. I have to admit I’m more lucid than I expected to be.

    @Comrade Mary: Get off my back Mom! :-P

    Actually I am doing better there. I think we might need to decrease the intervals between my meds. 8 hours seemed too long.

  114. 114.

    Mnemosyne (iPhone)

    December 18, 2013 at 12:01 am

    @Comrade Mary:

    As far as I know, it’s the only blackface scene he did (in the classic silent comedies, anyway). Not like Bing Crosby, who was disturbingly fond of blackface well into the 1940s.

    @Violet:

    It turned out to mostly be on the pizza stone at the bottom of the oven, not the oven itself.  Phew!

  115. 115.

    Omnes Omnibus

    December 18, 2013 at 12:05 am

    @Mnemosyne (iPhone): Both Crosby and Astaire don’t seem to have been really great people. Unlike Gene Kelly who seemed to be an all winner.

  116. 116.

    RobertDSC-PowerMac G4 Dual 1.25

    December 18, 2013 at 12:05 am

    I have to admit I’m more lucid than I expected to be.

    Our Lord and Savior Tunch iz watching from on high to keep you safe.

    A friend of mine at work is going to be off for a couple of months due to her own hip replacement surgery happening tomorrow.

  117. 117.

    Comrade Mary

    December 18, 2013 at 12:08 am

    @Ash Can: Ha! Weirdly enough, the first song that ever made me cry was a backyard amateur’s cover of this. (I’d known of the original poem and heard the closing line quoted in all sorts of situations, but the piece itself just killed me the first time I heard it all the way through. It just may be cry again, damn it.)

  118. 118.

    handsmile

    December 18, 2013 at 12:09 am

    @Yatsuno:

    Well, let’s hope this ham now has all the fixins’ (after today’s carving).

    Like so many here, I’ve been cheered to read your updates this evening. We’ll all be hoping that “nothing too serious” is the worst you’ll need to report.

    And you know, I would have hoped that John Cole would have had the simple common decency to let you be the only wounded warrior here today. Skoal!

  119. 119.

    Violet

    December 18, 2013 at 12:10 am

    @Mnemosyne (iPhone): That’s fortunate! Easier to clean.

    @Yatsuno: Glad you are doing so well! You’ve already done some physical therapy? Modern medicine is just amazing. Don’t be a hero–take plenty of pain medication as needed. Keeps you from entering the pain feedback loop and slowing down your recovery.

  120. 120.

    MomSense

    December 18, 2013 at 12:10 am

    @Omnes Omnibus:

    At the beginning of that trip I was pretty shy about the whole thing and was thinking BOOBIES while considering how much more I was wearing than everyone else but after months of practically living in train stations I was over the shyness.

  121. 121.

    Omnes Omnibus

    December 18, 2013 at 12:12 am

    @Comrade Mary: This was mine.

  122. 122.

    Tissue Thin Pseudonym (JMN)

    December 18, 2013 at 12:13 am

    @Comrade Mary:

    Cold showers, clean thoughts, country hikes. :-)

    Oh, so Iowa women.

  123. 123.

    Mnemosyne (iPhone)

    December 18, 2013 at 12:13 am

    @handsmile:

    It’s a segment from “College,” which was his last independent feature before his producer/brother-in-law (Joseph Schenck) went to MGM and convinced Keaton to sign a studio contract against his better judgment.

    Southern Californians may find the film interesting because it was filmed at USC and a lot of the buildings still look the same. It’s also the only known instance where Keaton used a stuntman — he was unable to negotiate a pole vault into a second-story window, so he hired an Olympic pole vaulter to double for him.

    @Omnes Omnibus:

    Actually, Kelly was quite the martinet and perfectionist. He managed to feud with Stanley Donen, of all people.

    I’ve always heard that Astaire was quite nice and professional, if demanding as a dance partner. Crosby was all asshole, though, on and off the set.

  124. 124.

    Omnes Omnibus

    December 18, 2013 at 12:15 am

    @Mnemosyne (iPhone): I was thinking of what I’ve heard about them offstage.

  125. 125.

    Mnemosyne (iPhone)

    December 18, 2013 at 12:21 am

    @Omnes Omnibus:

    Never heard that about Astaire offstage. Crosby, definitely.

  126. 126.

    handsmile

    December 18, 2013 at 12:21 am

    @MomSense:

    OK, I’m now seriously beginning to worry what that sinus infection (and ineffective meds) is doing to your imagination! :)

    So sorry to have read about your sufferings on an earlier thread today [now, yesterday], but pleased that the volunteer BJ Medical Corps stepped in with a variety of possible remedies.

    And to yet another earlier thread: freshly-made bread pudding, a pot of tea (Lapsang Souchong in mine please), a snowy late afternoon/evening is one description of Paradise.

  127. 127.

    Omnes Omnibus

    December 18, 2013 at 12:25 am

    @Mnemosyne (iPhone): Kelly was a pro-union Democrat who used his status to fight back against blacklisting. OTOH he also supported the IRA – that could be good or bad depending on how you view them.

  128. 128.

    Mnemosyne (iPhone)

    December 18, 2013 at 12:28 am

    @handsmile:

    Adagio Teas (www.adagio.com). Loch Ness Lapsang. You can thank me any time.

  129. 129.

    Comrade Mary

    December 18, 2013 at 12:29 am

    @Omnes Omnibus: Oh, lovely, and definitely new to me!

  130. 130.

    MomSense

    December 18, 2013 at 12:30 am

    @handsmile:

    It actually happened to me!

  131. 131.

    Omnes Omnibus

    December 18, 2013 at 12:37 am

    @Comrade Mary: It still gets me. The first time I remember hearing it was on a Sunday evening and the family was listen to public radio and reading. I was in high school. Scene is modern furniture and lots of bookshelves and state of the art (for the time) stereo. The song comes on and unexpected waterworks. Music is insidious.

    ETA: Steve Goodman was a genius.

  132. 132.

    handsmile

    December 18, 2013 at 12:37 am

    @Mnemosyne (iPhone):

    Well then, it seems I have a new (old) film and a new tea to be checking out in the near future, thanks to you!

    (might still be calling you foolish on French New Wave cinema, though) :-) :-)

  133. 133.

    Omnes Omnibus

    December 18, 2013 at 12:40 am

    @handsmile:

    French New Wave cinema

    Are you pro or anti?

  134. 134.

    handsmile

    December 18, 2013 at 12:50 am

    @MomSense:

    I do so want to believe you, but what with illness and adverse reactions to medications, to say nothing of how memories were impaired during those halcyon days of exhausted college back-packing….

    And those personae sound suspiciously like a contemporary update of some Greek myth.

    :-)

  135. 135.

    handsmile

    December 18, 2013 at 12:55 am

    @Omnes Omnibus:

    Let me simply say I worship at the shrine of Sts. Jean-Luc, Eric et Jacques.

    Mnemosyne, to my despair, is an unbeliever.

  136. 136.

    Omnes Omnibus

    December 18, 2013 at 12:57 am

    @handsmile: I will just say that years ago I was paging through a National Geographic and I saw a picture of a stunningly pretty Breton woman who was almost a dead ringer for my mom in her 20s. Mom’s ancestry is Breton and Norman. I see no reason to disbelieve that an American woman could be taken for French on first impression. Watching gestures and talking would certainly change things, of course.

  137. 137.

    handsmile

    December 18, 2013 at 1:10 am

    @Omnes Omnibus

    Uh-huh. Years ago I too used to page through National Geographic, though it was never pictures of women from Breton that the grade-school handsmile was searching for.

    (and with that, off to dream of Mykonos and nereids….)

  138. 138.

    Omnes Omnibus

    December 18, 2013 at 1:13 am

    @handsmile: Two things:

    1. I like French New Wave in general. Love Breathless.

    2. I am not really a fan Henry Miller’s writing. I get what he was doing – using real language and talking about “unspeakable” subjects. Despite the fact that I don’t really like his work, I certain acknowledge his influence on literature.* Genet doesn’t get published if Miller hadn’t been there. French New Wave may be the same kind of thing of Mnem.

    *I was privileged to attend the last performance of Hedwig at the Jane. John Cameron Mitchell was there and got up on stage after the performance and sang “You Light Up My Life” in German. I got to go to the wrap party at some bar on Houston. I got into the Miller argument with a bald guy wearing a dog collar. Awesome night.

  139. 139.

    Omnes Omnibus

    December 18, 2013 at 1:17 am

    @MomSense: I believe you.

  140. 140.

    Mnemosyne (iPhone)

    December 18, 2013 at 1:49 am

    @Omnes Omnibus:

    It is true, I don’t like most of the New Wave. I think the only two directors of the movement whose work I consistently like are Truffaut and Marker (but I’m not sure that Marker counts as a “real” New Wave director). I like earlier French directors — especially Ophuls — but the New Wave tends to leave me cold.

    Though, as you hinted, it may be because I saw the New Wave-influenced films long before the originals. I know I saw “Bonnie and Clyde” in a class in high school (though we also saw Truffaut’s “Small Change” in French class) and, frankly wasn’t even born until two years after “Bonnie & Clyde.” So much of the New Wave style was incorporated into the movies I saw as a kid that that originals didn’t do much for me.

    Ah, but Ophuls! “The Earrings of Madame de …”

    “Where is the second shot? There should have been a second shot …”

  141. 141.

    Omnes Omnibus

    December 18, 2013 at 1:57 am

    @Mnemosyne (iPhone): All art, music, painting, and film in the 20th century necessarily requires an understanding of what went before. Each movement is a reaction or response to what predecessors did.

  142. 142.

    Mnemosyne (iPhone)

    December 18, 2013 at 2:00 am

    @Omnes Omnibus:

    Heh. Just looked it up and remembered that Ophuls is German, not French. So even my favorite French film isn’t really French.

  143. 143.

    donnah

    December 18, 2013 at 5:17 am

    I’m so sorry you took a tumble, John. Hope you heal up soon.

    My younger sister fell hard on Saturday and broke her leg. She’s only 51, and she’s very active, so this will be a bitter pill. She snapped the top of her tibia just below the knee and had to have surgery the following morning. She’s now sporting two long, nasty incisions and a variety of pins, screws, and other assorted metal hardware to keep her knee together.

    She’s not allowed to touch her foot to the floor for 6-8 weeks, and she says she cannot imagine the thought of doing it, regardless. She said the pain was excrutiating.

    I’m flying down to help her out in January when her husband’s holiday vacation time is over.

  144. 144.

    bago

    December 18, 2013 at 6:59 am

    My best bike wreck was when I got into a race with bad brakes. Wound up careening through traffick flying a dozen feet or so, and regaining vertical holding the grips of my bike, 5 feet behind me.

  145. 145.

    blueskies

    December 18, 2013 at 8:35 am

    Yeah, but what happened to your neighbor’s mail? THAT’s what we REALLY want to know.

  146. 146.

    MomSense

    December 18, 2013 at 8:48 am

    @Omnes Omnibus:

    Thank you! I had a french grandmere!

  147. 147.

    GHayduke (formerly lojasmo)

    December 18, 2013 at 9:02 am

    @chrome agnomen:

    no, you’re accident prone.

    I endorse this opinion.

  148. 148.

    Flukebucket

    December 18, 2013 at 9:06 am

    No good deed ever goes unpunished.

  149. 149.

    GHayduke (formerly lojasmo)

    December 18, 2013 at 9:07 am

    @Comrade Mary:

    I was walking home from a friend’s house a couple of years ago. An ice event had occurred, and I was wearing dress shoes, and carrying a bottle of beer.

    I slipped, and distinctly remember being completely horizontal above the sidewalk. I fell flat on my back, but because I snowboard, i somehow caught myself with triceps, scapulae, and buttocks. Completely unscathed, and my beer bottle was intact, and full.

  150. 150.

    jake the snake

    December 18, 2013 at 9:11 am

    Cole, you really need to stop punishing yourself for having been a Republican.

    Seriously, Dude, It is nice to know that there is someone in the world more dexterity challenged than I am.

  151. 151.

    xian

    December 18, 2013 at 9:38 am

    alcohol is a hell of a drug

  152. 152.

    LanceThruster

    December 18, 2013 at 12:15 pm

    My recent trip and fall in the parking lot running for my train was a lot less damaging, but embarrassing nonetheless. Hope you make a speedy recovery. At least now you have a new pair of grease monkey pants (for when you rescue your vehicle).

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