The odyssey of the Subaru continues, with my fourth failed attempt to have AAA send a wrecker. The problem is the guy who owns the field has to be there, and he has such a weird schedule that we can only meet at his convenience. At any rate, he called at 2 today and I said I would call AAA. Called them, they called Ace Auto Service in Wheeling, and AAA told me they would be there within the hour. So I went out and stood in a field for an hour. No truck.
Called up Ace, and they said they were too busy and had called AAA 20 mins ago. As I was hanging up, AAA called and told me that Ace was too busy and they had called Al’s Auto Service in Wellsburg, which is seriously just 8 miles away. AAA said they would be there in an hour, so I sat there and read and waited. And waited. After an hour, I called Al’s, and they said they had called AAA back and were too busy. I just said to hell with it and left.
Two hours later, AAA called to tell me they could not find anyone. I’m just setting an appointment with Al’s on Friday and billing AAA.
I’ve never had this much trouble in my life trying to throw something out.
raven
C-4 and det cord should do the trick.
Alison
If it weren’t sitting in a field, I’d say just light it on fire and say “fuck it all”.
fuckwit
@raven: ooh, take videos too
Violet
Can’t the farmer talk to the police or the wrecker companies and give his permission so he doesn’t have to be there?
maya
This is obviously a sign from Dog that you should go into the towing trade.
raven
International Towing and Recovery Hall of Fame and Museum
It all started as an idea more than 20 years ago when the Friends of Towing, a group of dedicated professionals, decided to recognize outstanding individuals in the towing and recovery industry worldwide, record the history of the industry, collect and display industry artifacts and memorabilia through a museum, and provide information about the industry to the general public.
The Dangerman
There are some whale removal experts from Oregon that would be happy to help
Punchy
AAA couldnt find a wrecker on a random Wednesday afternoon in Wheeling WV? Whiskey Tebow Foxtrot?Seriously, was there a bad storm that ran all their trucks out? If not….just how many junkers are out cruising the streets of Morgantown?
danielx
Damn good deal, considering the $2700 we spent two months ago for head gaskets, water pump, etc on the spousal unit’s 2007 Outback.
raven
@The Dangerman: When I was at the Whaling Museum in New Bedford we talked about that. Jesus it is funny!
geg6
Jeebus. You could have called me and I could have called my BIL and we could have had his flatbed with winch there in less time than what you wasted standing in a cornfield.
How can you NOT get a tow in West By God Virginia?
SiubhanDuinne
AAA, Ace, Al’s?
If I were you, i’d move on to another part of the alphabet.
SFAW
John –
On the plus side, if AAA had actually shown up within an hour, it might have given you heart failure. AAA in an hour? Yeah, sure, and the Jets are going to win the next Super Bowl.
A possible offshoot of raven’s suggestion: see if you can convince the DoD or CIA or whoever runs the DRONEZ that the Subaru is actually an Al Qaeda transport vehicle, and Ayman al-Zawahiri is taking a nap in it AT THIS VERY MOMENT! Bonus points if you can get cardboard cutouts of an Afghani or Pakistani wedding party and place them around Duncan, because drone strikes don’t seem to be able to take out a high-value target without collateral damage.
ETA: Not to imply that Duncan is a high-value target, of course. But the Dronemasters don’t need to know that.
Violet
Maybe it could be some kind of charity project for the fraternity. They can solicit donations for them lifting it out of the field. Bonus if someone puts together a funny video.
SiubhanDuinne
This is off-topic as all fuck, but my right lower eyelid has been twitching for a day or two, pretty much nonstop, and it’s making me crazy. If it doesn’t calm down after a good night’s sleep, I’ll go see my eye doctor, but in the meantime, any advice? (I don’t think it’s serious or dangerous, just really annoying.)
The Other Bob
Don’t they have good ‘ol Merican trucks in that part of W. Virginia? Buy a tow strap and call friend with an F-150.
raven
@SiubhanDuinne: Stye Sterile Lubricant Eye Ointment might help. When I got that it morphed into the shingles so let’s hope that’s not it.
SFAW
@SiubhanDuinne:
“If thy eye offends thee, …” how does the rest of that go?
Drinking heavily might reduce the twitches. And if it doesn’t, you won’t care, so it seems like a winning tactic.
Violet
@SiubhanDuinne: Well, this has some causes and suggestions. Probably it’s just tiredness and stress. Not unusual given the holiday season. Go to bed early and get a good night’s sleep. Hopefully it’ll be better in the morning.
Mnemosyne
@SiubhanDuinne:
You could try icing it. I don’t think it would help, but at least you’d feel like you did something.
SiubhanDuinne
@raven: I had a nasty case of the shingles five years ago. This isn’t shingles, thank DOG. Just the twitches.
MikeJ
@The Other Bob: Even though the tires are flat, they could probably get it moved as far as the road. At that point the scheduling is easier.
JPL
@SiubhanDuinne: Did you have your cataract surgery yet? Rule out any recent activity first but I did have that before on a bad allergy day. It is such an odd sensation.
David Fud
Considering that all of the folks who AAA called were “too busy”, it seems to me that they may have taken a look at what the job would take, what they payment was, shook their head and said “Fuck it”, just like you.
I suspect that this is exactly what the folks at AAA do to themselves when their tow rate is too low for a difficult job, but maybe there is just a wrecker shortage in WV. Who knows? Supply and demand can be a fussy sort of balancing act.
smintheus
You might be able to get decent money selling the car to somebody who needs the parts. We had a 2002 Subaru that rusted out so badly we had to take it off the road, but were able to sell it for $1500 to a guy who wanted the engine and a few other parts.
SiubhanDuinne
@Mnemosyne:
LOL. I was actually thinking of hot compresses. Prolly do as much good as ice packs, which is to say, damn all.
The Other Bob
You know what’s reaaaaalllllly dumb? New cars come without spare tires now! They expect you to call AAA or their roadside service for a darn flat when a jack and a spare would get you rolling in 10 minutes.
raven
@SiubhanDuinne: Mine was in my eye. It hit while I was finishing my diss and the advice was to not be all stressed. right
SiubhanDuinne
@JPL: No, am hoping to schedule that surgery in the next two or three weeks. It’s the other eye anyhow.
jl
I am quite sure there is some loyal BJ reader in the neighborhood who would gladly tow the thing onto Cole’s front yard, wreck it up some more, and leave it, just for the fun.
So, I don’t understand why Cole does not issue a bleg.
Or is this LESS important than some new gimcrack for the kitchen?
Edit: It is less important than cat tower blogging, though. That is elementary and obvious, from first principles.
PeakVT
@The Dangerman: still possibly the funniest clip on the intertubes.
Also, too, if this guy is a farmer, doesn’t he have a tractor? Seems like the thing to do would be to have him move it to the edge of the road so that AAA can take it whenever they can get someone there.
SiubhanDuinne
@raven: “Don’t be stressed.” Yup, easy for them to say.
raven
@The Other Bob: You probably didn’t read my Saturday post about getting a flat on my truck with no spare. The short version is that this nice kid took it to a tire place for me and got it replaced. He then refused to let me pay for it. (I went to the store and payed for it and made a donation to the United Way in his name). If I had a spare it wouldn’t have happened!
smintheus
@SiubhanDuinne: How much caffeine have you had?
Violet
@The Other Bob: I think it’s dumb too to have cars without spare tires, but 10 minutes for changing a tire is extremely optimistic. When I’ve had to change tires the lug nuts are on so tight that even with me standing and stomping on the wrench to get them to move, they won’t budge. I’ve had it take an hour to change a tire, most of which is me trying to get the stupid lug nuts to unscrew.
SFAW
@raven:
Does that mean you’re Dr. Raven? Or is that shorthand for something other than dissertation?
Mnemosyne
“Do You Wanna Build a Death Star?”
SiubhanDuinne
@raven:
I should add that when I had shingles five years ago, it worked its way all up the right side of my face, down into my ear canal, into my right eye, on up into my scalp. Looked like an uphill lava flow. I’ve never seen anything like it. Completely isolated to one side of my face, as though someone had drawn a line straight down the middle with a sign saying :Shingles Do Not Cross.”
JPL
@SiubhanDuinne: It seems to me that when mine was twittering, I used warm compresses. BTW if you need a ride and I can avoid Spaghetti Junction give me a call. My ex had cataract surgery and implants over thirty years ago. Although they say it’s not genetic, my sons get checked regularly.
SiubhanDuinne
@smintheus: Only one cup, my usual, about 9:00 a.m. Nothing at all out of the ordinary.
Mnemosyne
@JPL:
Now that I think about it, I used to get the twitching eye all the time, but not nearly as much since I started taking Zyrtec for my allergies. So allergies may be the answer. Some people’s dust allergies get triggered this time of year because you’re constantly breathing recirculated and reheated air.
ETA: Also, too, the dry air probably isn’t helping. Saline solution is probably the way to go — don’t use eyedrops with any “anti-red” junk in them. Just plain old moisturizing drops.
PaulW
AAA should not be f-cking you over like this. :(
I’ve rarely had problems with them before (just once, and it was due more to a jerkass truck driver who thought he could fix my car right there in the lot at 2 am with just a hammer).
I would seriously file complaints with Better Business Bureau and the local chambers of commerce about the sh-tty service.
raven
@SFAW: Dr Private
SFAW
@raven:
I know I’m getting (mentally) slow, but I don’t follow.
rikyrah
I know this is not funny to you, but after the day I’ve had, I needed this laugh.
Andrew
Sorry if this is a stupid question but if the car starts up can you not drive it off the property or is it to damaged to move at all under it’s own power? Once at the edge of the property I guess you can tow at your leisure.
Mnemosyne
I’m liking the idea of calling up all of the frat boys and having them carry to the side of the road, if only for the inherent comedy.
LeftCoastTom
@The Other Bob: My new Forester came with a spare…but yes, many new cars don’t.
JPL
@Mnemosyne: It might be a good idea to have an ambulance and EMT nearby.
raven
@SFAW: I was a private in the Army (a couple of times) and I like to stay grounded.
John Cole
@Andrew: The tires are blown out. When he spun out, he tipped onto the driver’s side, blowing out both tires, before rolling it a couple time.
Suzanne
I took my test today. I feel…..not bad. Out of 100 questions, about 5 were total WTFs, 10-15 I could narrow to one of two choices, and I felt pretty solid about the other 80. And I got the vignette (drawing) done in about half of the allotted time, and then spent the rest of the time checking it. If I pass, that means I ONLY HAVE ONE MORE.
I then went shopping and bought myself some clothes, then got sushi AND a fussy drink.
raven
@Suzanne: That dog’ll hunt.
SiubhanDuinne
@JPL:
This is Cole we’re talking about? 24/7/365.
The Very Reverend Battleaxe of Knowledge
Maybe you should form a sculpture around it. Build it and they will come!
(Personal note: I was moving out of the apartment across the street just as the guy drove the VW in there and started covering it up. He did remove the engine before covering it with cement. You could do the same.)
GHayduke (formerly lojasmo)
Damn. In the last month I have replaced the FR wheel bearing, ball joint, and axel, timing belt, water pump, thermostat (and housing) and all the crank and camshaft seals on my ’96 legacy 2.2
Otherwise I would literally drive out there and yank your engine out of your car.
ETA: Buy a volkswagen van…the boxers drop right in and quadruple the horsepower.
Suzanne
Can someone point me to the beginning of this Subaru disaster? I have been studying like…..well, like a conscientious candidate, and I have missed some of the drama. Sounds like another hilarious FAIL.
raven
@Suzanne: Some of John’s frat kids took the car to town to get some hen fruit and got forced off the road by a fracking truck. . . really.
Violet
@Suzanne: It’s not really hilarious. But here’s the start of the story: https://balloon-juice.com/category/fucked-up-edness/. Here’s a follow up: https://balloon-juice.com/2013/12/13/rip-duncan-r-ruby-dundee/. That one is kind of hilarious.
JPL
@Suzanne: Long story short, Cole gave his car keys to a member of the frat that he is sponsoring, who lost control on winding narrow roads when confronted with large fracking vehicles. Going off the road probably saved his life but unfortunately left the Subaru in disrepair. I think someone with your talent could turn the Subaru into a monument.
PurpleGirl
@Suzanne: Sounds good. How long before you know the results? Will keep thinking good thoughts for you.
Shopping and dinner out is a good way to top off the day of a high-stakes test.
GHayduke (formerly lojasmo)
@Mnemosyne:
i think might help, actually
Suzanne
@PurpleGirl: Last test, I found out in a week. But with the holidays, who knows.
@Violet: Good LORD. Cole, why does this sort of thing always happen to you?
GHayduke (formerly lojasmo)
@smintheus:
Yeah, it’s worth quite a bit as parts. $1000 for the engine, $350 for a (manual) transmission, $200 for the wheels/tires, Depending on the seats, they could be worth a hundred or so, The problem is finding somebody who needs all those parts (unless you want to have it in your garage waiting for people to come get it.
Given John’s penchant for self injury, I wouldn’t suggest pulling the engine or anything like that.
Harold Samson
It’s posts like this that make the meritocratic part of my brain wonder how this blog ever got to be so popular.
Also Cole, aren’t you eligible for USAA? Their roadside assistance is quite reliable.
GHayduke (formerly lojasmo)
@Violet:
30″ breaker bar and the appropriate socket in the car helps. I carry one. Of course, I don’t have a jack in my car, because I’m a dumb-ass.
Spare tire, 30″ breaker bar…no jack. I have AAA though.
GHayduke (formerly lojasmo)
@SiubhanDuinne:
That’s how shingles work. They live in the dorsal root of a single dermotomatic nerve, unilaterally.
Dead Ernest
@SiubhanDuinne:
Your eye twitching dear is nothing to worry about. Here’s W’pedia’s description:
Blepharospasm (eyelid twitching) is an involuntary spasm of the eyelid muscle. The most common factors that make the muscle in the eyelid twitch are fatigue, stress, and caffeine.[7] Eyelid twitching is not considered a harmful condition and therefore there is no treatment available. Patients are however advised to get more sleep and drink less caffeine.
The Shingles shape: the virus lay dormant in the body of a given nerve cell. When it ‘acts up’ the outbreak appears in the dermatome* of that particular cell. The dermatome for the cell body your virus inhabits covers the area you described.
Dermatome – is the area a given nerve cell received sensation for. You may have seen in anatomy atlas’ a human form striped like a zebra. The stripes are separate dermatomes.
max
@John Cole: The tires are blown out. When he spun out, he tipped onto the driver’s side, blowing out both tires, before rolling it a couple time.
Rotate the tires to the rear, and run the rears on the flats to the edge of field. (I’m assuming a ’96 Suburau wagon is a front whel drive.) Unless you have truly blown out some part of the front suspension, it’ll get there. It might get home, depending on how bad a shape the front suspension is in. (Can’t tell unless you drive it.)
max
[‘If you’re irritated that it can’t be towed, I’m irritated because this car can obviously be fixed.’]
CONGRATUALATIONS!
Hate to tell you this, Cole, but the engine’s possibly wrecked too. Flip a car when the engine’s going, and you can have oil leak up past the piston and then the damn piston will hydrolock when it comes back up. You might have gotten lucky, as the car did land upright, but any plan that involves starting that pile of battered metal and driving it off is going to have to take into account the chance that the engine may never move again.
Don’t ask me how I know this. Kids, never try to start a car after it’s been on its side or back. Let a good mechanic get in there and get all the oil out of the cylinders first.
Warren Terra
i’d assumed the insurance company was going to pay out for the car being totaled – meaning they and not you will own the car and dispose of its carcass?
The Other Bob
@Violet: @Violet:
Break loose your lugs every now and then as maintenance. Keep a four-way in the trunk to allow more leverage. 10 minutes is easy once you do it a few times.
Barbara
@SiubhanDuinne: All towing company names begin with the letter “A.” It has to do with calling the first name in the phone book when you need one.
A friend had a car towing and repair experience in West Virginia that leads me to speculate that there might not be a lot of towing companies because it’s hard to make it work as a business when there is so much competition from the DIY crowd.
Barbara
@CONGRATUALATIONS!: Well that’s certainly very helpful advice!
seaboogie
John G, you are without hap. But you have a forum and a voice that has found a loyal and dedicated following from across the country and around the world that supports you through all of your misadventures – so maybe that’s better than having hap. Vive le hapless! Maybe that should be your credo.
Grumpy Code Monkey
Our AAA membership was a great deal until we actually needed roadside assistance. I was able to specify our location to within a couple of hundred yards with plenty of landmarks (X miles south of one highway, Y miles north of that town, near Z county road) and they sent the first truck twenty miles south on a completely different road. Don’t know how much time that driver wasted looking for us before giving up. Of course, nobody thought to call us and let us know that no truck was coming. It wasn’t until I called back to check on things that they bothered to mention it. They dispatched another truck (from frickin’ Buda, over fifty miles away), and the only reason he found us was that I was able to contact him directly. What should have taken all of 45 minutes wound up taking over four hours.
After that, damned if I was going to renew. I can have tow trucks not find me for free.
koalaholik
@The Other Bob: When I bought my 2013 Equinox in May the salesman was all “look, it even has a spare tire” and I was surprised that it was a big deal. It’s one of those donut things, but, hey , it’s a spare. Of course, it had been 13 years since I bought a new car.
Origuy
You’re too far from Chicago, or you could call the Lincoln Park Pirates.
(RIP Steve Goodman)
Van
My suggestion is to just bypass AAA and pay a tow truck driver directly. AAA probably pays them a set fee for all tows and this is a ‘hassle’ tow and not worth the money. So they get passive aggressive and say they can’t find the location. Call someone ahead of time and make all the arrangements and explain where the car is so they can drive by and look at it. Then get a price upfront.
NCSteve
Every abandoned rusting heap in Appalachia has a story behind it . . .
DanF
John – Stop giving AAA your money. There is a motor club that doesn’t advocate for lower gas mileage standards: http://www.betterworldclub.com/home.cfm
http://www.betterworldclub.com/roadside_assistance/details.cfm
jame
Being left for over four hours in July on the I-10 corridor between Beaumont and Houston because whoever I called at AAA claimed she couldn’t locate me on the map, even though I gave her the mile marker number — that’s why I don’t pay AAA for anything anymore. When the towtruck came, at long last, he said he’d gotten a call from AAA only 20 minutes before (that would have been at about 4:45 pm, just before all the shops close). Thank god for the Stuckey’s within walking distance. AAA’s behavior was callous, cruel and sadistic.