Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

Dear media: perhaps we ought to let Donald Trump speak for himself!

Russian mouthpiece, go fuck yourself.

Dead end MAGA boomers crying about Talyor Swift being a Dem is my kind of music. Turn it up.

The media handbook says “controversial” is the most negative description that can be used for a Republican.

Pelosi: “He either is stupid, or he thinks the rest of us are.” Why not both?

“And when the Committee says to “report your income,” that could mean anything!

The republican caucus is covering themselves with something, and it’s not glory.

The gop couldn’t organize an orgy in a whorehouse with a fist full of 50s.

“Why isn’t this Snickers bar only a nickel?”

He really is that stupid.

Make the republican party small enough to drown in a bathtub.

The party of Reagan has become the party of Putin.

It’s pointless to bring up problems that can only be solved with a time machine.

with the Kraken taking a plea, the Cheese stands alone.

Come on, media. you have one job. start doing it.

But frankly mr. cole, I’ll be happier when you get back to telling us to go fuck ourselves.

It could be worse. Vance could have said “post-menopausal sows.” Waiting for that audiotape to surface.

Not so fun when the rabbit gets the gun, is it?

Jack Smith: “Why did you start campaigning in the middle of my investigation?!”

Give the craziest people you know everything they want and hope they don’t ask for more? Great plan.

I wonder if trump will be tried as an adult.

SCOTUS: It’s not “bribery” unless it comes from the Bribery region of France. Otherwise, it’s merely “sparkling malfeasance”.

Spilling the end game before they can coat it in frankl luntz-approved dogwhistles.

Pessimism assures that nothing of any importance will change.

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Open Thread

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Everything is put away, all the guests are gone, and I am sitting here unwinding while watching the Fiesta bowl. I don’t know if it is just me, but when I walk around the house during the day when I have a ton of stuff to do, I just want to yell at the piglets to get off their asses and do something, the lazy bastards. All they do is weigh down my couches and bed and make sure I wash my sheets and blankets every week.

And then, on nights like tonight, I think the best thing in the world is just unwinding with a cup of tea, watching some football, and looking around the room and seeing two dogs sleeping on their respective couches and Steve sound asleep in his tower, and I think all is ok. I’ll never understand my married friends who wonder why I am not lonely- how do you get lonely with all these personalities around, all of whom need to be fed and try to kill themselves any time you give them the chance.

Oh, and here is Rosie, sound asleep on top of a pile of blankets that were washed and folded THIS AFTERNOON (with fabric softener to get rid of the dog smell) and then placed on the back of the double sized leather chair for guests who stay over, but she pulled them down, on top of the pillow y’all sent me tht she claimed as hers, and went all Princess and the Pea on that shit:

rosieboo

If you will notice, her eyes are open, because once she realized I was taking pictures, being a Jack Russell terrorist, she had to sit there for a while and decide whether or not she was pissed off or if I was going to make her do something she did not want to do. I, having known Jack Russell terrorists, stood at a distance like Marlin Perkins and just witnessed the situation lest I wreak havoc on the habitat and find myself under assault.

Reader Interactions

71Comments

  2. 2.

    Culture of Truth

    Rosie, sound asleep on a top of blankets that were washed and folded THIS AFTERNOON (with fabric softener to get rid of the dog smell)

    MUST…REPLACE…DOG…SMELLL…

  3. 3.

    srv

    Well, I’d comment, but I just finished downloading

    Sherlock, Season 3: The Empty Hearse

    Bwahahaha!

    90 minutes of fun. Protip, if you get a UK VPN (I recommend Private Internet Access), you now have to donwload the BBC iPlayer Downloads app, not just the iPlayer. Once the download episode has started, Pause the download and disable the VPN. Then Resume. It doesn’t check, and will go much faster.

  5. 5.

    askew

    Is the bridge closure scandal getting more serious for Chris Christie?

    The scandal over the September local access lane closings at the George Washington Bridge has taken a turn for the worse with news that police responding to emergencies in Fort Lee were hindered by the traffic jam it created.

    Even worse, Fort Lee officials made this clear to Gov. Chris Christie’s appointees at the Port Authority. And still, the governor’s men ordered the lanes closed again in each of the next four days, leaving the people of Fort Lee in danger.

    So the next question is obvious: Were emergency crews hindered during the rest of that week — and was anyone hurt as a result?

    A report Sunday by Shawn Boburg of The Record reveals that Fort Lee police were delayed while responding to reports of a missing child and a cardiac arrest. Local officials warned Bill Baroni, the former deputy executive director of the Port Authority, and David Wildstein, the governor’s enforcer at the agency and the man who ordered the lane closures.

  6. 6.

    Kazanir

    John,

    This is in response to your previous post, but: Would you fucking blog more, already? Your other front pagers are fine too — we’re all waiting for the inevitable DougJ vs. David Brooks deathmatch — but we are all really here for the vintage Cole and I’d read a post like that every damn day. Your writing is hilarious and you need to do more of it.

    Make it happen fat man.

    P.S.: Happy New Year!

  7. 7.

    Mary G

    I love me some Rosie Cole. She is just helping you restore the nice smells your laundry obliterated.

    Pictures are improving! More light does help.

    We are to the point where the two cats and the dog can be in the same room without somebody freaking out.

  11. 11.

    Comrade Luke

    Just finished watching Seasons 1-6 of Doctor Who. When I told a friend this, she called me a nerd, but I don’t feel like it’s for nerds. It’s really, really good imo. Am I missing something? Am I really a nerd?

  13. 13.

    Yatsuno

    @Mary G: Her stuff. Her scent must go on it. Otherwise chaos will ensue. Screw your cleanliness hairless ape.

    @Valdivia: Boo insomnia! Maybe a cup of chamomile will help. Especially if you have cookies.

  15. 15.

    Carolinus

    @The Other Bob:

    I’d prefer a Michael Moore is a ratFer thread. He managed to get himself inserted into the Day 1 Beltway ACA coverage w/ his Times op-ed, and is pretending he actually did the Dems a solid. For example this tweet, promoting the editorial:

    https://twitter.com/MMFlint/status/418579060168470528

    “Thanks for all comments on my NYT op-ed today http://mmflint.me/KitENC Thank u B Obama for ACA. Now, it’s on to single-payer! VT you’re up 1st”

    He demonstrated how thankful he actually is by getting himself featured on a dozen right-wing blogs, and having these quotes be the only thing most media even reported on:

    Michael Moore: “The Affordable Care Act is a pro-insurance-industry plan implemented by a president who knew in his heart that a single-payer, Medicare-for-all model was the true way to go.”

    ..

    Michael Moore: “Now that it has finally arrived, we can stop defending its flaws and argue instead for universal healthcare.”

    …

    Michael Moore: “Obamacare is awful.”

    Some of his defenders on twitter were all, “But, but, didn’t you read the second half, where he also says it’s a godsend?” I suppose Moore is a complete political neophyte and had no idea how his pissing on the opening day would play.

  16. 16.

    max

    being a Jack Russell terrorist, she had to sit there for a while and decide whether or not she was pissed off or if I was going to make her do something she did not want to do.

    I know! Ask Rosie to get the Subaru!

    max
    [‘Fetch, pretty please.’]

  17. 17.

    Valdivia

    @Yatsuno:

    :)

    cookies!
    actually sugar would just make me hyper.
    Instead I am reading a review of the Hannah Arendt film which I saw yesterday and I found so deeply disturbing. Thankfully the review puts its finger right on what troubled me and I can now try and sleep without those thoughts on my mind! (though wanker preoccupations still abound!)

  18. 18.

    Brother Shotgun of Sweet Reason

    Happy New Year, John Cole! I wandered over to Balloon Juice a few years ago when the GOS got too hot and bothered for me, and it’s been a near-perfect combination of political rants, snark, pet pix, etc. Thanks for bloghosting and let’s all have a good 2014.

  19. 19.

    BillinGlendaleCA

    John, are you sure that Rosie just doesn’t sleep with her eyes open? My terrorist does(see previous post for pic).

  20. 20.

    MattR

    @askew: I am willing to bet that Christie’s buddies at the Port Authority ordered the closings to get back at or send a message to the mayor of Fort Lee, but I also doubt Christie had any idea of the specific plans. He is absolutely a vindicitive enough dick that he would do something like that, but I also have to believe he is politically aware enough that he wouldn’t have done it during the week that included September 11 (or as the Tea Party would remind you, the anniversary of Benghazi).

  21. 21.

    KG

    @Comrade Luke: wait, old seasons 1-6 or new seasons 1-6? I love the show, but I’ve pretty much always been a scifi geek at heart… Seriously, I read Star Trek books in high school during the “free reading time” in English classes

  23. 23.

    Violet

    John, your pets are earning their keep. Look how happy they make you. That’s hard work! They’ve earned every soft blanket and yummy treat.

  24. 24.

    MattR

    @KG:

    Seriously, I read Star Trek books in high school during the “free reading time” in English classes

    You are not the only one, though I would stealthily read during other classes as well.

  26. 26.

    askew

    @MattR:

    I hope you are wrong. I’d love for them to find proof that Christie is the one who ordered the lanes closed. Kill off his career now.

    As for Michael Moore, he’s got ODS bad. I stopped paying attention to him after he attacked Obama through his dead mother. He’s just another pundit who is looking to get attention by bitching about Obama.

  28. 28.

    Comrade Luke

    @KG:

    New seasons 1-6. The show is way too old for me to get caught up from THAT far back!

    I’m not a scifi geek at all – never really got into Star Trek or Star Wars – but I love the character of The Doctor, how they change them, etc. I find myself ignoring/putting up with the stuff I think is kind of dumb (like the villains that they brought from the old shows), to follow the overarching story of The Doctor and the others.

    I found a viewing guide online, and I’ve skipped quite a few of the single episodes that didn’t contribute to the overall story, so I could get caught up quicker. Now I’m patiently waiting for Season 7 to arrive on DVD, since it’s not available via streaming.

  29. 29.

    Dead Ernest (Thought Wrangler)

    @Violet:

    Magnesium is a bowel motility agent. It’ll make you poop. Best visit the commode before retiring for the night.

  30. 30.

    Omnes Omnibus

    @Valdivia: Sleep is overrated. My mom and her dad are/were noted insomniacs. Anytime I don’t sleep well, I start to get concerned that I have inherited the tendency along with the physical resemblance. F-ing Bretons.

    @John Cole: Why the fuck not?

  33. 33.

    ruemara

    @Valdivia: I’d recommend a nice cuppa. Something herbal. I make a massive jug of a hypertension brew that I add (sometimes) hops to. Currently, the blend has the medicinal stuff and hibiscus with lemongrass. Nothing caffeine. Or you could read Hemingway’s novels. Those can knock the alert right out of you.

  34. 34.

    Omnes Omnibus

    @Valdivia: I slept like shit for about three months after my marriage broke up. SOs who can’t deal with problems are horrible for those who invested a lot into the relationship – not trying to sykoanalize your situation, but …

  38. 38.

    Valdivia

    @ruemara: yes tea (and a bath) might do the trick. The Arendt article didn’t really do it as I hoped. Maybe Hemingway will. Hmm. Where is my Hemingway?

  39. 39.

    Valdivia

    @Omnes Omnibus:
    Because this is so fresh–yesterday–and I was dropped a bomb out of left field–secret other girlfriend in London–my mind can’t help but race trying to make sense of it all. Also—angry! My shrink would say that’s good though. Feeling it. Acknowledging it. I hope to get to I don’t give a fuck about the details soon though because I do like to sleep :)

  40. 40.

    Dead Ernest (Thought Wrangler)

    @Omnes Omnibus:

    Indirectly I guess.
    See my response to Violet’s sleep-aid suggestion up at #29.
    I reckon you’ll see the theme from V to me to thee.

  41. 41.

    Omnes Omnibus

    @Valdivia: I know the feeling. I use music to fix it – it doesn’t always work and what works for me doesn’t work for everyone else. Music really works for me. The Divorce Suite (no links because of moderation): Leonard Cohen, 1000 Kisses Deep; the Brains, Money Changes Everything; Johnny Thunders, You Can’t Put Your Arms Around A Memory; Joey Ramone, What A Wonderful World.

  42. 42.

    Valdivia

    @Omnes Omnibus:
    Music works for me as well. As does poetry. I’m way too raw for that today but maybe by the weekend I can re-read the poems for heartbreak that DougJ kindly posted a year ago.

    Your suite is really moving and kick ass.
    Ok. Will try to sleep again. I might be back.

  46. 46.

    Carol Ryan

    No offense but that synthetic chemical fabric softener scent smells worse than any dog possibly could…

  48. 48.

    Manyakitty

    @Comrade Luke: Where can you find the early episodes? I admit it’s been a few months since I checked, but Netflix started with Eccleston’s Doctor.

  50. 50.

    WaterGirl

    @Valdivia: Secret other girlfriend in London. Wow. Did not see that one coming. On the bright side, once you know someone is deceitful and completely untrustworthy, that eliminates the whole “we were meant to be” part where you grieve your lost future together.

    At the moment I am trying to choose between fuck you you total fucking prick, and what a total fucking coward, but if I come up with just the right thing I will put up a comment later.

  51. 51.

    Valdivia

    And the kicker is he called and told me this from the fucking airport as he was taking off to see her! After last week we had agreed on the dates of my trip there in just 10 days. Wanker and coward doesn’t even cover it.

    Grrr. Thank you lady for your support and sleep recs.

  53. 53.

    WaterGirl

    @Valdivia: He’s clearly not the person you thought he was, which is hurtful on so many levels, even if you did dodge a bullet by getting out of it sooner rather than later.

    I hate to even bring this up, and you probably know it anyway, but for peace of mind, unless you guys used condoms, I would get myself tested for STDs. You could ask him if he used protection with her, but what’s the point of asking a liar anything? Whatever they say is useless.

  54. 54.

    satby

    @Valdivia: Went through a similar thing last June, and my best friend at the time was a player in the drama (not the GF, but an enabler). My other friends had mostly dropped me due to that guy, so my offline social circle had dropped to mostly those two. I was devastated at first, but angry. Now that the best friend offloaded herself around Thanksgiving after I confronted her about her behavior and both are completely out of my life my contentment has increased dramatically. It took a while, and it will for you; but at the end you’ll realize how lucky you are to be rid of such a scummy guy. It’s sad that any good memories are so totally cancelled out by the deceit.Hang in there, it gets better.

  55. 55.

    Valdivia

    @satby:
    How awful for you! So sorry you had to go through that. What you say about how the behavior taints everything else is exactly how I feel. Betrayed. Angry. But also–if this is his true nature than everything else, erased, sullied. I know it will get better but right now I’m seething. Grrrrrr.

    @WaterGirl: I had a full physical since I was last with him so at least there’s that. The worst part is just how many times I have him a chance to tell me. I asked him point blank and he lied. It’s a pathology.

  56. 56.

    Mnemosyne (iPhone)

    @Valdivia:

    Christ, what an asshole.

    On the other hand, you do now have full and complete societal approval to be angry — “cheating boyfriend” is one of the few areas where 90 percent of people will be on your side.

    And don’t waste any more brain space than you can help on wondering why he liked her better, why he cheated, what she’s like, etc. etc. He did it because he’s an asshole, and any motives of hers are secondary (at best) to his assholishness.  QED.

  57. 57.

    Paul in KY

    @Valdivia: IMO, takes a special man to just admit that they are two-timing you, when asked by you.

    Maybe, in hindsight, the way the denial was said/phrased might have been a tell that he was lying his ass off.

  58. 58.

    WaterGirl

    @Valdivia: Lying bastard. My mom would have said “good riddance to bad rubbish”.

    Edit: It’s snowing! We have maybe 4 inches so far, which makes me happy. Also glad that it’s not a big travel day, so my happy snow shouldn’t be too much of a safety issue for anyone.

  60. 60.

    WaterGirl

    @Mnemosyne (iPhone): Mine was “I’m attracted to her, but I would never act on that because I love you”. Yeah, right. I imagine that our little club is fairly large.

    Edit: Shorter Mnemosyne — He cheated because he’s a cheater. He lied because he’s a liar.

  61. 61.

    Mnemosyne

    @WaterGirl:

    Yep. And the most maddening thing of all was that I had offered him a mutual breakup a few weeks before, and he refused. So not only was he an asshole cheater, he wouldn’t even let me have my pride and let me break things off before his cheating was revealed.

    Of course, this was 20-cough years ago when we were barely out of our teens, but, still.

  62. 62.

    Valdivia

    @Mnemosyne (iPhone):

    I am actually getting to the point of–I don’t give a crap about what happened. I guess the one thing I would want the explanation for is to know when the last truth point was so I can officially regard the rest as fake. Then again since he is a liar even that would probably be an invention.

    @Paul in KY:

    I went over that conversation many times and nothing in it indicated cheating–which makes it even worse, because it means everything he has said to me including the and that were lies. I am struggling with that, but the anger feels righteous and useful right now.

  68. 68.

    WaterGirl

    @Valdivia: My mom also used to say:

    Hell hath no fury like the burning rage of a woman whose man was a lying, cheating bastard who kept a secret other girlfriend in London.

    Okay, my mom didn’t actually say that but I’m hoping it made you smile.

    I wish I could do for you what my friend Tina was able to do for me when I went through a breakup kinda like this about 15 years ago. I was sitting on my couch, crying as we talked about how I thought it would last forever, all the while looking at the still-inflated balloon he had given me a short time before.

    The balloon said: My Love Always

    My friend looked at me and said: “Yeah my love always, or until August 25, whichever comes first.”

    Somehow her comment gave me exactly the perspective I needed.

  71. 71.

    Valdivia

    @WaterGirl:

    that definitely made me smile. :)
    I got an email from him–a full crazy I went to London so i could be with you forever thing. Which of course left out the–how come you had to go to London in the first place?

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