The *official* Team USA commemorative cardigan, for the opening ceremonies. Hand to goddess, my first thought was, “Fear not, tovarich! No possibly-homosexual-propaganda-friendly professional fashion designer came anywhere NEAR these fine athletic supporter garments!”
Via Maggie Lange at NYMag, who adds:
… It’s a hullabaloo of knitwear perfect for inaugurating your first annual Olympic-themed ugly sweater party! USA Today reports that you can purchase this cardigan (of which there are only 324 available) for $595…
This evening’s tv newscasts said that the athletes and visitors ‘had been warned’ against wearing ‘distinctively American items of apparel’ outside of the sealed security ring. I’d say someone should warn the Norwegian curling team…
… except those guys only intend to wear those pants on the ice. As a (deliberate) joke. A 100% Made-in-America joke, according to the Washington Post — just like Ralph Lauren’s self-promoting cardis.
Jebediah, RBG
I want one of those Norwegian curling suits. Bad.
The Sailor
That’s so gay!
Not that there’s anything wrong with that.
The Sailor
“just like Ralph Lauren’s self-promoting cardis.”
But I like time travel … oh, wait, you said “cardis”. Nevermind. [/Latella]
Omnes Omnibus
@The Sailor: Don’t worry the refs will give you something about which to complain. Take comfort in that.
Yatsuno
I want it noted: my ancestral homeland outclassed us. Again. And yes I’m cheering them on for hockey dammit.
YellowJournalism
I saw an old lady on a scooter wearing a sweater like that many years ago when my grandma took me to the VFW for Bingo. Glad to see the old lady finally realized her fashion design dreams even if it was so late in life.
Villago Delenda Est
I’m sure the cardigan could have been worse, with a bit more effort.
My late gay brother would not have been caught dead in that. Talk about your fashion nightmares…
YellowJournalism
@Yatsuno: I was tempted to buy a Team Canada sweatshirt for my boys today. Those things look sharp. But I just can’t support these games. I felt the same way about Beijing, although that was easier to ignore because I don’t really care about the summer games. I’m a sucker for the winter sports like snowboarding and skiing, and I can’t resist the cheese of a good ice skating competition.
Mnemosyne
I will not defend the fashion of the sweaters (which are butt-ugly), but Ralph Lauren really did make them 100 percent Made in the USA, right down to the sheep that the wool was spun from. Since about 90 percent of the knitting yarn available to crafters is not made in the USA, that was actually a pretty major achievement on RL’s part.
ruemara
There’s nothing gay about any of those outfits. I can’t picture any moderately self-respecting gay man getting anywhere near it. Honestly, those seem to be gay repellent. Hell, they’re straight repellent.
piratedan
@ruemara: I liken it to “fashion for the fashion impaired”…
Alison
@ruemara: Maybe that’s the point – hiding in plain sight, as it were. DON’T WORRY RUSSIAN COPS, WE ARE OBVS VERY HETERO.
ETA: I guess I basically repeated what AL said in the post. Wasn’t intentional, I swears.
Mnemosyne
Hmm. They look slightly less horrific when worn as intended — in a large group of people milling about and waving their arms.
YellowJournalism
Anyone see what the Germans picked? Rainbow uniforms. I think it’s more about pissing off Russia than making a statement.
The Sailor
@ruemara: As long as they are Russian repellent is all that counts.
Calming Influence
Gay Cat Bleg
I know this is a little outside the Balloon Juice territory, but seriously, one of us has got to get this cat!
Yatsuno
@YellowJournalism: Any legacy releases from the 2010 Games? Or do they have that already?
mai naem
That’s an ugly ass cardigan. What was RL thinking? Anyhow this sites got some of the others -http://www.fashionmagazine.com/society/2014/01/22/sochi-2014-uniforms/slide/sochi-2014-uniforms-poland/ The Netherlands one is interesting. The French one is pretty understated cool. I like the Italian stuff too and Slovenia also. The Polish one looks like 70s ABBA fashion.
? Martin
@YellowJournalism: Thankfully, ‘Pissing off Russia’ is a new exhibition sport being introduced this year.
Schlemizel
Dear Grandma,
Mom says I have to write you a thank-you note for the sweater you sent me for Christmas. Thank you for the warm sweater, I am sure I will not get beaten up too much if I ever have to wear it to school.
Love,
Timmy
Liquid
@Omnes Omnibus: Just remember, we need you and I’m sick of your bullshit.
scav
RL should also get kicked for his tackily and characteristically self-serving oversized logo on the slightly less horrid pea jackets. Nothing shouts ‘American’ and ‘amateur sports’ louder than parading around being bill-boards for corporate brands.
the sheer design horror plus the overkill on the ‘made in America’ nonesense leads me to suspect he’s throwing a tantrum over last year and doesn’t care in the least who or what he uses to make his point.
scav
There are several more that admittedly need logo-kicking. So he’s in company there, not of the best, but not alone.
Baud
Maybe the Canadians can lend us some of their apparel.
ThresherK
Our designated Hat-Wearer really liked the USA’s 2010 hat, but the 2014 is a bit of a stepdown if only for those “ear strings”.
(Not that she’d pay $95 for it. And we noted that in 2010 those hats never got to the leftover bins.)
RSA
@mai naem: Thanks for the link. I agree about the Netherlands. Unusual, impractical for an outdoor sporting event, but something you wouldn’t be surprised to see on a city street.
Enhanced Voting Techniques
So how do you say “that’s so not gay” in Russian.
eric
@Enhanced Voting Techniques: “Putin”
RaflW
@Mnemosyne: Still awful. But then, most team uniforms at the Olympics are either tacky or boring, which makes me think that it’s probably actually fairly hard to design for the Olympics.
I think Ralph should have designed for the English team, and gone all Downton on them. Well, not really, but he has bankrolled a good chunk of the US broadcast with his absurd ad (oops, enhanced underwriting) evoking the modern 1% for us plebes.
Funny how it’s super glam to watch the .01% a hundred years ago and an ocean away. They’re such assholes now, what with 85 of them owning half the earth.
Glocksman
@scav:
At least it’s not quite as tacky as the massively oversized Beverly Hills Polo Club logo.
That said, Ralph Lifshitz’s clothes are for the most part Chinese made crap and he can’t seem to help but engage in shameless self promotion no matter what cause he supports.
Whatever happened to understated elegance?
Though I will give the USOC credit for not engaging in the level of marketing that European Soccer teams do.
Shit, those uniforms would make NASCAR drivers blush with shame.
shpx.ohfu
It’s nice that the Wiggles recovered from that bad acid trip and got productive jobs as janitors.
Cheryl from Maryland
That sweater is like a bad mashup between an aunt’s Xmas sweater and Hutch’s sweater from the TV show. The US hasn’t had wonderful winter Olympic garb since 2002, when Roots designed the uniforms. And my pocketbook is thankful that the Estonian and Latvian uniforms by Monton aren’t as wonderful as 2010.
cmorenc
I WANT one of those Norwegian Men’s Curling Uniforms for my permanent Halloween costume (or any other party occasion where you’re supposed to come in costume).
As for those Team USA uniforms: they look like Ralph Lauren lifted his inspiration from the original Batman tv series – one of those moments when the screen flashes to a cartoon KA-POW! with stars and lurid colors.
Sister Rail Gun of Warm Humanitarianism
The first thing I thought of when I saw the sweaters was the wearable art category of a quilt show.
Ken
Score another plus for the IOC’s selection process.
And what, come to think of it, is “distinctively American” clothing? Other than flag clothes*, I can’t think of anything worn in the US that isn’t worn in dozens of other countries.
(* Don’t get me started on flag clothes, or rather, the kind of people who wear flag clothes.)
Glocksman
@Ken:
If you want to wear a flag, a lapel pin or a tastefully designed tie is the way to go as far as I’m concerned.
IMHO, making actual clothing like these shirts out of the flag is both tacky and disrespectful of the flag.
Villago Delenda Est
@Ken:
Cowboy hats and boots, for one thing.
When I was on TDY to Honduras in ’85, US troops traveled on commercial airlines as individual replacements to Tegucigalpa. We were warned to avoid “distinctly American” attire for that trip, so as not to call attention to ourselves. For two reasons, basically, To avoid being obvious potential kidnapping targets, and to avoid antagonizing the locals.
Ken
@Villago Delenda Est:
Good point. And it’s interesting (in the Chinese proverb sense) that outside the Sochi
ring of steelsecurity ring, it’s about as safe for Americans as it was in Honduras in the 1980s.Eric S.
@Villago Delenda Est: I was at Oktoberfest this year. On opening day a group of men were walking in wearing cowboy boots and hats and giant belt buckles. I pointed it out to my friend and we both groaned. He suggested we act Canadian.
As they walled past one said, “they aren’t serving beer yet, eh?”
We had a gray laugh about it.
Mike G
When I saw the Norwegian curling team pic, I thought Split Enz had reunited —
http://userserve-ak.last.fm/serve/_/318009/Split%2BEnz.jpg
Mnemosyne
@Sister Rail Gun of Warm Humanitarianism:
It’s the kind of sweater that you wear to a knitting convention so everyone can marvel at how well you’ve mastered intarsia.
pluky
@Glocksman: Lauren has never been about “understated elegance.” It’s always been new money screaming at the top of its lungs how much it wants to be taken for old money.