Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

Republicans are the party of chaos and catastrophe.

That’s my take and I am available for criticism at this time.

“Can i answer the question? No you can not!”

Come on, man.

If you tweet it in all caps, that makes it true!

Too often we hand the biggest microphones to the cynics and the critics who delight in declaring failure.

He really is that stupid.

It’s easy to sit in safety and prescribe what other people should be doing.

Jack Smith: “Why did you start campaigning in the middle of my investigation?!”

Jesus, Mary, & Joseph how is that election even close?

Accused of treason; bitches about the ratings. I am in awe.

fuckem (in honor of the late great efgoldman)

We are aware of all internet traditions.

Reality always lies in wait for … Democrats.

Motto for the House: Flip 5 and lose none.

Only Democrats have agency, apparently.

“Squeaker” McCarthy

Fuck these fucking interesting times.

Seems like a complicated subject, have you tried yelling at it?

Putin dreamed of ending NATO, and now it’s Finnish-ed.

Republicans want to make it harder to vote and easier for them to cheat.

Optimism opens the door to great things.

They think we are photo bombing their nice little lives.

Putin must be throwing ketchup at the walls.

You are here: Home / Open Threads / Knee Update

Knee Update

by | 105 Comments

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Knee feels much better today, and there is clearly no serious structural damage. I iced it every two hours last night, woke up this morning and took some advil and stumbled around and put the brace back on, and I’m almost 99% sure it’s just a knee sprain. If it keeps getting better, I’ll just keep doing what I am doing.

On the upside, this injury came at a perfect time, because it has been a month since I had a haircut or trimmed my beard fully, so I have a total mountain man look with complete neckbeard, and now I am hobbling around the house with a walking stick and fluffy plush bathrobe to complete the look.

My brother came over and got so hysterical when he saw me that he asked me to say “HODOR HODOR HODOR” before asking me to say “HELLO LITTLE HOBBITS” and then deciding I actually look like a shorter Hagrid.

So I got that going for me.

*** Update ***

Beard, goddamnit.

Reader Interactions

105Comments

  2. 2.

    Violet

    it has been a month since I had a haircut or trimmed my bear fully,

    I didn’t know you had a bear! Yet another member of the menagerie.

  7. 7.

    ruviana

    Yeah, first he shaves Steve’s ass and then he decides to trim his bear. This will not end well.

  8. 8.

    Jerzy Russian

    @CS:

    You have a bear? And you trim it? You’re braver than I thought.

    He also has a prace to go with his bear.

  9. 9.

    Violet

    Beard, goddamnit.

    Okay, then. Can you tell me what a prace is?

    stumbled around and put the prace back on

    And where do you put it when you put it back on?

  13. 13.

    Lavocat

    That cane of yours can trow a mean beatin’ if you let it.

    Just don’t let anyone know your true range with it.

  14. 14.

    TaMara (BHF)

    And my Friday night is complete. J Cole is going to shave a bear and his brother thinks he’s Hagrid. Really, we should kick in for a 24/7 webcam feed from his house.

  16. 16.

    Mnemosyne

    Also, I’m going to take my niece on a chilly hike tomorrow to stand on top of a bluff and watch a bunch of seals sleep. Luckily, she’s as nerdy as I am, so she’ll probably enjoy it.

  17. 17.

    jl

    i did not know a WV “mountain man look” included a ‘fluffy plush bathrobe’. I larn me so dang many thangs on thishyer fambly blog, hee hee!

    Glad to hear Cole’s knee is getting better. I hope it feels better than Christie’s head tonight.

  20. 20.

    dmsilev

    @CS:

    You have a bear? And you trim it? You’re braver than I thought.

    Look on the bright side. At least he hasn’t tried to shave its ass.

    Yet.

  22. 22.

    Pogonip

    Shaving cats, trimming bears–is your Indian name Runs With Scissors?

    If anyone would like to read about a psychic crackhead trying to avenge his best friend’s murder–and who wouldn’t?–obtain a copy of Death Ain’t But A Word, by Zander Marks. This highly original story deserves an audience. I don’t know if it’s available as a real book, I got it on Kindle, for free! A surprisingly large number of those free Kindle books turn out to be worth reading.

  25. 25.

    jl

    @dmsilev:

    ” Look on the bright side. At least he hasn’t tried to shave its ass.”

    huh? I just assumed Cole was shaving the bear’s ass. Why would you shave the whole bear?

    How come Cole never mentions his goats?

  30. 30.

    Jerzy Russian

    I forgot to mention that I admire guys that can get to the point that they start looking like Jesus. I’ll start growing my beard and hair, but then something comes up and the urge to look respectable comes back.

  31. 31.

    Corner Stone

    @jl:

    I just assumed Cole was shaving the bear’s ass.

    Obviously. I mean, anyone who’s ever read the Cole Chronicles of Death Wish understand that if that silly motherfucker caught a bear? He’s taking a razor to its ass post haste.
    And then mobilizing all 300 people in his town to find the damned bear when it escapes in shame because it has a bare bear ass.

  32. 32.

    jl

    @Corner Stone:

    Interesting you should mention ‘tubby. When I thought of, Cole going mountain man in a plush bathrobe, a vision of teletubby mountain man Cole flashed before my eyes. Coley-Rolly if you will.

    An episode where the teletubbiies and Coley-Rolly shave ALL the animals asses would be classic. Right up there with the ‘toast’ episode (or was it ‘waffles’, I forget).

  40. 40.

    Jay C

    @ John Cole:

    Here you go, man: the answer to your problems (assuming you assume they’re problems and need an answer) : I use their products, and they reliably keep me from looking like Santa Claus on crack unkempt, and have for years….

  44. 44.

    Corner Stone

    Personally, if I miss a couple days of shaving my neck bear, it starts irritating the fuck outta me.

  46. 46.

    Corner Stone

    Here’s a question for you. Is your TV powered by coal, nat gas, nuclear or renewable like solar or wind?

    I can not describe how much I hate that series of Exxon Mobil commercials.

  50. 50.

    Anne Laurie

    @Aji: Cole doesn’t mention his goats for fear Mickey Kaus will start hanging around WV!

    (/snark – just in case)

  51. 51.

    jl

    @Corner Stone: Cole claims to have generators and goats, so I guess the TV runs off those.

    But they never cause any disasters and Cole never maims himself with them, so I think it’s just talk.

  56. 56.

    Corner Stone

    @jl:

    and Cole never maims himself with them

    Can we ever really say that about any thing? I mean, no. No, we can not.

  60. 60.

    CaseyL

    This is the funniest thing I’ve read all day: thanks, everyone! Shaving cats’ asses and trimming bears and whatthehell-is-a-prace will all live on in BJ infamy.

    John’s self-diagnosis of his knee (“It’s nothing but a scratch”!) worries me, though. He didn’t sound nearly that sanguine the other night.

    I had one of those days that I just couldn’t get motivated to do much of anything – possibly because, for an unemployed person, I’ve been really busy all week. I have one more week to savor the leisure life before starting a new job – which means one more week to complete, or in some cases start, some projects that have languished for an embarrassingly long time.

  61. 61.

    muddy

    In the course of a seasonal job I came across a nice union suit, which I think is just John’s size. Sadly it’s not the red kind, it’s white. Got the flap and all, nice big old onesie.

    I think this could be a good winter look for you John, and would be happy to make you a present of it, if you think you would enjoy it.

  62. 62.

    Comrade Mary

    @Corner Stone: Here, let the librarian take over.

    Everything John Cole May Ever Encounter

    Those that belong to the emperor
    Embalmed ones
    Those that are trained
    Suckling pigs
    Mermaids (or Sirens)
    Fabulous ones
    Stray dogs
    Those that are included in this classification
    Those that tremble as if they were mad
    Innumerable ones
    Those drawn with a very fine camel hair brush
    Et cetera
    Those that have just broken the flower vase
    Those that, at a distance, resemble flies
    Those that have maimed John Cole
    Those that have not yet maimed John Cole

  63. 63.

    jl

    @Violet:

    ” Don’t forget the ass shaving! ”

    I tried to fit that in, but couldn’t think of any song lyrics. Maybe some other commenter can do it.

  66. 66.

    Villago Delenda Est

    So, Dr. Cole has done a diagnosis of your knee and decided it’s just a bad sprain?

    As trustworthy as Dr. Frist doing a diagnosis via video feed of Terry Shiavo.

    See a real doctor, John. Feel free to savagely attack me for it, but Steve, Lily, and Rosie need you fully functional.

  67. 67.

    Jay C

    @efgoldman:

    Probably because “urban” might give their potential customer-base the wrong inferences? Though “multicultural trimmers” is scarcely much better…sheesh! I use their regular (i.e. “whiteboy”) models.

  72. 72.

    JPL

    @John Cole: haha.. I’m pleased that you are okay but……………….I was more concerned about the Steve. Poor little guy could have frozen to death. Knees can be fixed. imo

  73. 73.

    PurpleGirl

    @Corner Stone: My TV is powered by electricity my complex self generates (co-gen from the heat making process). We have three turbines — two are powered by natural gas and one is powered by oil.

  75. 75.

    Pogonip

    @Corner Stone: No, I’m batting about .300. Which ain’t bad for free. I got an excellent book on preventing identity theft for free, the first Fat Vampire was free, several helpful how-to books for free, and now this one.

  76. 76.

    trollhattan

    You assholes are hilarious tonight. Think I’ll “shave the bear” and take my kid out for pizza.

  79. 79.

    PNW_WarriorWoman

    You might consider seeking an Rx for Zipsor. It’s a prescription anti-inflammatory. Diclofenac Potassium. Works much better than ibuprofen. Comes in 25 mg. gel caps. Start with 2 tablets morning then 2 tables 12 hours later. Don’t bother with Dicolfenac Potassium tablets. Not as absorptive. The Zipsor as a gel cap dissolves ideally and metabolized better. Does the trick. Yes, it’s worth the money.

  82. 82.

    Culture of Truth

    I have a total mountain man look with complete neckbeard, and now I am hobbling around the house with a walking stick and fluffy plush bathrobe to complete the look.

    Sweet mother of jesus

  84. 84.

    YellowJournalism

    @Villago Delenda Est: Seconded. You do not fuck with knee injuries. My sister is getting hers replaced, and she’s only in her early 30’s. Hubby has had two surgeries on one knee, and I’m currently giving him grief because he’s ignoring warning signs that led to the surgeries.

    Make an appointment and see a doctor. Keep your knees healthy for the next time Steve decides to tour the neighborhood.

  86. 86.

    p.a.

    @max:

    @schrodinger’s cat: Did Sully move to WV or is he just visiting?

    They’re forming a band.

    Queens of the Bearded Drama Age.

    max
    [‘Well, it was either that or Dork Dynasty.’]

    “Not Very Ambiguously Gay Duo”?

  87. 87.

    HRA

    I so wish there was a like button here. I would have been clicking all the way down. Thanks for the needed laughter.

    What is the bear’s name?

  88. 88.

    HL_guy

    This might sound crazy, Cole, but, I’m glad the swelling has gone down so quickly, because what you were describing sounded a bit like a gout attack (which I know about), where uric acid precipitated out in your knee due to minor trauma. But I never had a gout attack subside after 1 or 2 days, it was ALWAYS a 3-4 day ordeal. You don’t want gout attacks, but if you do keep having ‘mystery trauma’ to joints, definitely get a uric acid test. Because gout attack suck.

  89. 89.

    pat

    John, John, John, you DO have insurance, don’t you?

    Then GO TO URGENT CARE and let THEM tell you what is wrong with your stupid knee!!

  90. 90.

    gogol's wife

    I missed all the fun by watching “The Sign of Three” for the third time. But I’m addicted to Sherlock.

  91. 91.

    Higgs Boson's Mate

    @Culture of Truth:

    Only the truly badass mountain man walks around wearing a fluffy bathrobe and armed only with a cane. It is a matter of record that no mountain man has completed the ensemble with a pair of bunny slippers since the late 1880’s.

  98. 98.

    Omnes Omnibus

    @schrodinger’s cat: God, you don’t like Lord Grantham much, do you? His thing with the tenant was actual noblesse oblige. in action. It also points out the differences between Grantham, who is old-fashioned but decent and caring, Tom , who is modern and caring, and Mary, who is a bitch.

  99. 99.

    Higgs Boson's Mate

    @Omnes Omnibus:

    “Cole’s Chronicles” is a new reality show featuring West Virginia mountain man John Cole. Each week Cole will shave the ass of a different animal.

    I’d pay-per-view for the wildcat episode.

  102. 102.

    WereBear

    It really pays to be an insomniac around here. Happy for the good news re: knee. I have to get up at the butt crack of dawn to take pics of an ice fishing derby, so I’m taking another crack at sleep now.

    Don’t let Cole shave anything until he’s fully recovered.

  104. 104.

    Pogonip

    @trollhattan: She made some good dance records way back when. When you don’t have cable and don’t use the alternatives you miss all the celebrity bullshit, so I really don’t know enough about Madonna to have a current opinion of her.

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