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You are here: Home / Open Threads / Open Thread

Open Thread

by John Cole|  February 5, 201412:39 am| 103 Comments

This post is in: Open Threads

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I’ve just spent the last three hours researching cars, and I am ready to kill myself. This is a horrible thing to have to go through. I hate this. And this is the good part where I figure out parameters before having to test drive cars, in which I will hate every one of them because they are not like the car I just had (there is a reason I was a conservative for years) all while dealing with high pressure sales tactics from car salesmen 20 years younger than me who will inevitably call me “Bud” or “Honey”to be folksy and friendly. Die in a fucking fire.

Someone just buy a fucking used Subaru wagon for me and send me the bill.

And if any woman wants to marry me and take care of my finances while dealing with appliance purchases and handling my clothing purchases and just basically freeing me from all this crap and just letting me buy a new laptop every couple of years while letting me have a hundred or two dollars of walking around money, I am willing. I’m fat and I do a solid job of spooning, although you are going to have to jockey with Rosie and Lily for bed space.

I basically want to be happy and not fucked with, and I do my best to live that lifestyle.

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Reader Interactions

103Comments

  1. 1.

    SiubhanDuinne

    February 5, 2014 at 12:42 am

    Wasn’t one of your fraternity guys the person who actually put the car in the field? Make him do all the hard work, and you go snuggle with the piglets.

  2. 2.

    something fabulous

    February 5, 2014 at 12:43 am

    There’s a niche! Used-personal-car-shoppers! A growth sector of the economy! I’d like one too– I’ve only ever bought cars from friends or family before, and after another few paychecks it’s time to buy one like the grownups do. (I live in LA and have been without a car for 3 years now; it’s ludicrous.)

  3. 3.

    J.Ty

    February 5, 2014 at 12:44 am

    Can’t recommend the post-2004 Forester enough. Great car.

  4. 4.

    hilzoy

    February 5, 2014 at 12:44 am

    Honestly: why don’t you find a friend to do this for you, and pay them?

    Edited to add: I only say this because my sister did this for my parents, who only found out when they were in their fifties, after buying a number of cars, that most people didn’t just accept the sticker price. My sister, who (unlike me) actually likes bargaining, told them she’d handle all of that in exchange for half the savings. Everyone was better off.

  5. 5.

    Mary G

    February 5, 2014 at 12:45 am

    Getting a car is one of life’s biggest PITAs. Just do it and get it over with.

  6. 6.

    Mary G

    February 5, 2014 at 12:46 am

    @J.Ty: Yes, I got a Forester last year very reluctantly, but I have loved it to pieces.

  7. 7.

    J.Ty

    February 5, 2014 at 12:46 am

    @hilzoy: gotta agree actually. You must know somebody who’s unemployed, and $15/hour or whatever to find you a car is good for everybody.

  8. 8.

    KG

    February 5, 2014 at 12:47 am

    I’ve always kinda liked car shopping, but I’m a bit of a gear head. But I can totally understand if you don’t like it, it can be a pain. I’ve also been lucky and have been able to buy new, and have gone through fleet services, which is much less pressurized

  9. 9.

    J.Ty

    February 5, 2014 at 12:49 am

    @Mary G: They are such good cars! The whole Subaru hatchback family, but especially the Forester.

    Note: I’m one of the “I walked away from that accident” Subaru customers so I’m a little biased.

  10. 10.

    KG

    February 5, 2014 at 12:49 am

    @something fabulous: three years in LA without a car?!? The fuck you say

  11. 11.

    TaMara (BHF)

    February 5, 2014 at 12:52 am

    @JohnCole: At the urging of a friend (you know the type, the friend who always “knows a guy” when you’re looking to buy something), I used an auto broker. I highly recommend it. They put together all the cars you want to test drive, no matter the make or model, and there was absolutely no pressure. You can test them all at one time. New or used. Good deal, did all the leg work – loan, sales tax, license fees…everything but my actual plates.

    And they delivered my car to me!

  12. 12.

    dollared

    February 5, 2014 at 12:54 am

    You are such a drama queen. This is the one thing on the planet you can completely control. Go to AutoTrader.com, find the best Forester at 80,000 miles (you said $8000, yes?), call them up and buy it. If it’s within 1,000 miles (that’s 70% of the cars in the US), it costs about $500 to have it shipped to you.

    done and done.

  13. 13.

    pseudonymous in nc

    February 5, 2014 at 12:56 am

    Someone just buy a fucking used Subaru wagon for me and send me the bill.

    Checking Carmax, which tends to be good for people with no patience for all that car-buying shit: 2005 Outback, Charlottesville.

    $16k, 63K miles, spent its life in California and Arlington, and they’ll move it to Harrisonburg for nada.

    Ah, that’s twice your budget? Then do what dollared said.

  14. 14.

    odp

    February 5, 2014 at 12:57 am

    Cars.com. That’s how we got our last two (Honda Odyssey and Accord, still going strong after 187k and 133k miles and 14 and 13 years, respectively). I specified what I wanted; cars.com found the best price/dealer nearby; we picked up the cars. I also did it for my son’s first car, and they delivered it to our house. Now, these were new, not used, but it was a stress-free process. (We did this in San Diego.)

  15. 15.

    Genine

    February 5, 2014 at 12:58 am

    Yeah. Okay, Cole.

  16. 16.

    Omnes Omnibus

    February 5, 2014 at 12:59 am

    @pseudonymous in nc: Per his previous post, he doesn’t want to spend more than $8k.

  17. 17.

    GregB

    February 5, 2014 at 1:01 am

    Calm down bud.

  18. 18.

    ruemara

    February 5, 2014 at 1:02 am

    I feel your pain. I finally called my parents bluff on “aiding” me in getting a new car. it only took two years for a sorta commitment-ish. Unfortunately, I’m so confused on what to get, where to get it, etc., I’m strongly debating letting them off the hook and just using the old beast after maybe a massive inspection. It’s overwhelming, this car buying thing. I’m looking to get at least a minivan, preferably a van. With bunking space. The more I look, the more I think a shopping cart vehicle is actually much smarter.

  19. 19.

    NotMax

    February 5, 2014 at 1:02 am

    Coming soon*: tales of a black eye from banging of the head, skinning of the shin, and perhaps a broken nail or something caught in the door while getting in and out of cars for test drives.

    *(not meant to be a factual statement; wouldn’t really wish ill upon you)

  20. 20.

    Crusty Dem

    February 5, 2014 at 1:03 am

    WORST OKCUPID PROFILE EVER!!

    Sorry, but anytime in the future Cole even mentions any reason why he’s single, just know that this post is ctrl-c’d and ready for ctrl-v..

  21. 21.

    NotMax

    February 5, 2014 at 1:11 am

    @Crusty Dem

    Yuppers.

    Having read the post again, it isn’t so much for a wife as it is for a keeper.

    The post-modern world might be in need of a service similar to the ones for pets, but instead looking for suitable homes for rescue bloggers.

  22. 22.

    ruemara

    February 5, 2014 at 1:14 am

    hmmm

    And if any woman wants to marry me and take care of my finances while dealing with appliance purchases and handling my clothing purchases and just basically freeing me from all this crap and just letting me buy a new laptop every couple of years while letting me have a hundred or two dollars of walking around money, I am willing. I’m fat and I do a solid job of spooning, although you are going to have to jockey with Rosie and Lily for bed space.

    You sexy beast. How could any woman refuse? Throw in a spare bed and very good intertubes and no more singletonhood for you!

  23. 23.

    moderateindy

    February 5, 2014 at 1:17 am

    @Crusty Dem: After reading his post all I could think was; Gee what women could resist such a tempting offer? If the stress of buying a car overwhelms you, there is very little chance that you could handle the stress of being married, or even dating for that matter. And, by the way, what you are describing isn’t a wife it’s a Mommy.

  24. 24.

    John Cole

    February 5, 2014 at 1:22 am

    @Crusty Dem: I am a fucking catch. Did I mention the snoring and sleep apnea?

  25. 25.

    YellowJournalism

    February 5, 2014 at 1:24 am

    @moderateindy: So basically you’re saying that Cole needs to stay out of the personals and put his request in the want ads under “Nanny Needed.”

  26. 26.

    Fordpowers

    February 5, 2014 at 1:24 am

    Someone just buy a fucking used Subaru wagon for me and send me the bill.

    Amen.

  27. 27.

    J.Ty

    February 5, 2014 at 1:25 am

    @John Cole: There’s an app for that, you know. Device, rather. Haven’t figured out how crossing-stuff-out works yet. (Bad, bad front-end guy, I know…)

  28. 28.

    mzrad

    February 5, 2014 at 1:27 am

    Well hello there Mr. Cole! I’ve loved my 2000 CRV, which is still running fine. But we also just got a VW Sports Wagen TDI and just love it. Don’t know if they come in AWD or if the seats are too low for hauling yourself in and out of the car, but the engineering is great and so’s the gas mileage.

    Sweet dreams, peace out.

  29. 29.

    John Cole

    February 5, 2014 at 1:28 am

    @ruemara: I am willing to cede complete control of finances and basically all decisions if I can focus on the yard and the kids, cooking and making the house fun and relaxing. Clearly there has to be at least one Alpha female who will find this idea attractive. Plus, I am really a funny human being, very generous and kind, and very easy going, despite my obvious personal issues. Also too:

  30. 30.

    scav

    February 5, 2014 at 1:31 am

    I nevertheless can think of worse marriages. ‘f course, I am imagining he’d be so civilized as to continue to cook and do housework, etc. — I mean expecting appetizers and automobiles delivered as necessary is a bit much. A match of complementary anti-talents / phobias could struggle along nicely. Might be wise to stick to non-worriers with a cherished hobby of bone-setting and other first aid techniques if he’s contributing the housework though.

  31. 31.

    Mnemosyne

    February 5, 2014 at 1:34 am

    @something fabulous:

    Did you see there may be another LA meetup soon? Probably weekend of 2/15. I’m pushing for the Story Tavern in Burbank, unless someone else has a better idea. Ruemara is coming to town.

  32. 32.

    ulee

    February 5, 2014 at 1:35 am

    John. Imagine talking to Anne Laurie like that. She would tear you apart, and would be right in doing so. I know you’re lonely but get a grip.

  33. 33.

    Calouste

    February 5, 2014 at 1:35 am

    @pseudonymous in nc:

    $16K for an 8 year old car? Sounds like a bit much. You can get a brand new 2014 Outback for 25-26K.

  34. 34.

    Suzanne

    February 5, 2014 at 1:37 am

    @John Cole: Just buy a CR-V and stop worrying about it. You’re making this so much harder than it needs to be.

    This is a pot-kettle-black moment, as I can kick your ass in the neurotic department.

  35. 35.

    Suffern ACE

    February 5, 2014 at 1:38 am

    I’d suggest my mom, as she did take care to make sure my dad was dressed presentably for 48 years and she did do the car shopping and since my dad snores so loudly that I end up staying in a hotel rather than my old room when I go home, she’s used to the apnea thing. Fortunately, she’s not available presently.

  36. 36.

    Mnemosyne

    February 5, 2014 at 1:39 am

    Since this is technically an open thread, I found the following anecdote about life aboard a submarine too funny not to share:

    After I qualified for my first watch, I was so proud. I stood the watch, a true submariner at last, no longer a NUB (Non-Useful Body). I went back to my rack to grab a change of clothes so I could shower. There, where my uniforms had been lying six hours before, were the loveliest sets of lingerie you can imagine. The options were: 1) raise a stink, get some officers involved, and generally be an ass, 2) start to stink and wear the same clothes until someone gave mine back, or 3) throw on the beautiful nightie and thong someone had so kindly purchased for me.

    The only downside was that the chiefs wouldn’t let me sit down to eat; my mostly bare ass couldn’t touch the same seat they had to sit on. I made sure to stand front and center so everyone was forced to see my bulging thong while they tried to eat. It didn’t take too long for my uniforms to show back up.

  37. 37.

    ? Martin

    February 5, 2014 at 1:39 am

    Dude, go to Carmax and ask them for the same make/model/year Subaru and buy it. Hell, ask for the same color – they’ll get it.

  38. 38.

    YellowJournalism

    February 5, 2014 at 1:41 am

    @John Cole: If that clip doesn’t get the women to come running, nothing will.

    I mean it! I’m a sucker for the Beastie Boys.

  39. 39.

    NotMax

    February 5, 2014 at 1:41 am

    @Suzanne

    Or could call up his friend (T&H) and ask for advice.

    Then do the opposite.

  40. 40.

    ? Martin

    February 5, 2014 at 1:42 am

    That said, buy a used Honda Element. AWD, great in the snow, no carpet so invite all the pets along. Great for hauling stuff and good for tall guys – miles of headroom. And it’s a fucking Honda.

  41. 41.

    TS

    February 5, 2014 at 1:43 am

    People like subaru wagons – they wear them out – which is why 2nd hand aren’t cheap.

    And try being a woman with a car salesman – all they want to do is sell you rubbish while discussing the color and the cup stand.

  42. 42.

    maeve

    February 5, 2014 at 1:45 am

    I can sell you my 2008 Honda Element – we just gotta ship it from Alaska to West Virginia – seriously, it is great for “large framed” persons, you can sleep in it because all the seats lay down, great dog friendlyness –

    I’m a female person, but I can also advise you on laptops (just bought a Lenove Yoga)

    YOu really need a Volkswagon Vanagon

    http://youtu.be/_bPjo0-e0K0

  43. 43.

    Bill E Pilgrim

    February 5, 2014 at 1:48 am

    Well yeah, but I would hate that too, and I actually love the process of buying a car. I would never go to a dealer for a used car, gack. They used to call Nixon “a used car salesman”, and it was meant as an insult to him. Think about that for a minute.

    Dealers are for new cars, because if you’re buying a new car you sort of have to, but it’s also less rife with shenanigans, since the product is more or less standard and controlled.

    For used cars the only way I’ve done it is from ads or postings, and then have the car checked out by a mechanic. Important not to skip this step. Yes even if it’s a hassle. You call the seller and say you’ve got a mechanic who will take a look for you, and if the seller balks at the idea in any way, move on.

    I can’t imagine doing it any other way. You’re not guaranteed to locate the low-mileage, one-owner-with-all-the-receipts-ideal that everyone looks for, but you’re guaranteed not to find that at a dealer.

    Hope that helps.

  44. 44.

    Suzanne

    February 5, 2014 at 1:48 am

    @TS: Ugh. So true. Mr. Suzanne and I bought a hybrid car last year, and we took separate test drives. The salesdouche kept trying to show me the stereo even though I said I wanted to hear what the hybrid engine sounded like.

  45. 45.

    Crusty Dem

    February 5, 2014 at 1:51 am

    @John Cole:

    Despite everything you say, you’re a fine catch, you’re also the worst salesman in history. “I need a woman who can take care of this shit” is such a 90’s pitch*.

    * – 1890s

  46. 46.

    Temporarily Max McGee (soon enough to be Andy K again)

    February 5, 2014 at 1:53 am

    Who knew you were such a hopeless romantic, Cole?

    J. Geils Band Looking For A Love

    and/or

    Todd Rundgren We Gotta Get You A Woman

  47. 47.

    Temporarily Max McGee (soon enough to be Andy K again)

    February 5, 2014 at 1:55 am

    @? Martin: @maeve:

    Jebus. I smell a conspiracy.

  48. 48.

    NotMax

    February 5, 2014 at 1:59 am

    @TS

    And lighted vanity mirrors. Can’t forget those.

    Car salesman once tried to sell me on one of these lemons by enthusiastically repeating that sitting at the wheel made one feel as if at the controls of the Millennium Falcon.

    “Which would be fine if I were shopping for a spaceship” shut him up right quick.

  49. 49.

    max

    February 5, 2014 at 2:03 am

    Someone just buy a fucking used Subaru wagon for me and send me the bill.

    I pointed one out for you last night, asshole! Go hop in the goddamn thing and drive it. (If it’s in as good a shape as it appears to be, given the age and low mileage, 4900 ain’t bad.)

    max
    [‘This is actually not that hard. It’s when you put a lot of money into a car that you should get nervous.’]

  50. 50.

    hitchhiker

    February 5, 2014 at 2:06 am

    One of my fave things about mr hitchhiker is that he actually enjoys buying shit like cars, computers, disposals, new roofs, and so on.

    I fail like mad in this area, but I have other skills (cooking! sorting out his shit! paying the damn bills!) that he appreciates, so it works out.

    Cole, I think there’s a woman out there who meets your exact spex, and I’m rooting for her to show up and get down to business.

  51. 51.

    YellowJournalism

    February 5, 2014 at 2:11 am

    @hitchhiker:

    Cole, I think there’s a woman out there who meets your exact spex, and I’m rooting for her to show up and get down to business.

    Cue 70’s pron music.

  52. 52.

    ruemara

    February 5, 2014 at 2:11 am

    @John Cole: If my plan to reside in my van doesn’t work out, I’ll just drive to WVA, blasting License to Ill, on a mission of the heart.

    @Mnemosyne: …o_O

    Tales of the Good Ship La Cage Aux Folles? Pics or it didn’t happen.

  53. 53.

    ? Martin

    February 5, 2014 at 2:26 am

    @Temporarily Max McGee (soon enough to be Andy K again): They really are great cars.

  54. 54.

    pseudonymous in nc

    February 5, 2014 at 2:40 am

    @Calouste:

    $16K for an 8 year old car? Sounds like a bit much.

    It’s Carmax. There’s a “no dicking about” premium. Since you object to the price, you’re willing to cope with the dicking about when buying cars, which is perfectly reasonable. Other people are willing to pay the premium. In so many things, there is a choice between dicking about and paying more money.

  55. 55.

    something fabulous

    February 5, 2014 at 2:49 am

    @Mnemosyne: Oh yes! I’d seen it when it first was discussed, but now have been back & forth to Minneapolis of all things, for work. Kind of lost the thread. Should be back and finished by that weekend, though– would love it to work out. And (carless me) would be able to do Burbank! East Side represent!

  56. 56.

    RandomMonster

    February 5, 2014 at 3:10 am

    Dude, arrange a price you like with an online car broker. Fuck going to a dealership.

  57. 57.

    Temporarily Max McGee (soon enough to be Andy K again)

    February 5, 2014 at 3:22 am

    @? Martin:

    I’ll go with Scoobie Doos. Had a few in the past that done me right. I need one now, but can’t quite afford it.

  58. 58.

    Anne Laurie

    February 5, 2014 at 3:35 am

    @ulee: Nah, Cole means well — in his fashion, as Leonard Cohen would put it.

    At one point I actually wondered about trying to introduce him to a dear (single) friend, even if it meant he’d have to move to Michigan. Then I remembered that her long-gone ex was a gambling addict, and ever since then she’s confined herself to rescuing dogs.

  59. 59.

    BillinGlendaleCA

    February 5, 2014 at 3:37 am

    @Mnemosyne: I can probably swing Burbank, I’ll have to check a map. Good thing it’s not the 8th, a friend is taking me, the wife and kid to Mori’s(Central & Stocker).

  60. 60.

    Calming Influence

    February 5, 2014 at 4:07 am

    I owned an 1997 Outback from ’99 to 2012, living in NY and WA. Absolutely loved it. Bought a 2010 Forester in 2012, ( in WA) and I like it a real lot, although it seems unnecessarily boxy and actually has less cargo space than the Forester. But make no mistake: with a Subaru, you will get where you want to go. With Subaru’s outstanding all-model all-wheel drive the Forester is just as awesome as the Outback in the rain, snow, and whatever else.

    So John Cole, here’s the deal. Find a 2 year old Outback or Forester, fuck the color, fuck the dents, fuck the stains on the seats, just buy it. Then buy a new set of high quality all-season tires, put some hippy bumper stickers on that sucker, and relax for at least half a decade. You will not be disappointed.

  61. 61.

    Calming Influence

    February 5, 2014 at 4:13 am

    I jumped right to commenting without reading the thread, and now as I’m reading the other comments I’m convinced that most Balloon Juicers own Subarus. It’s a little weird.

  62. 62.

    fedupwithhypocrisy

    February 5, 2014 at 4:24 am

    email me, ha

  63. 63.

    cmm

    February 5, 2014 at 5:50 am

    My partner is a whiz at buying and selling on craigslist. She has bought and sold cars and scooters for us and has done it for friends too. I keep telling her she should add this service to her repertoire (she is a short of jack off all trades at the moment.). She enjoys the whole process and browses CL for fun even when not actively shopping. I need to show her Johns posts. I am sure if we lived anywhere near him she would already be on it.

  64. 64.

    Randy P

    February 5, 2014 at 5:59 am

    Someone just buy a fucking used Subaru wagon for me and send me the bill.

    Actually, that’s kind of how I do it.

    We have a mechanic we really trust, and he spends a lot of time going to auctions, buying and flipping cars. So when I’m in the market for a new clunker, he keeps an eye out and then recommends one of his fixer-uppers. They’re typically 80000+ miles but he sells them for about $3-4K and because he’s fixed them up, they run like tops.

    Currently in a 2005 Hyundai Accent.

  65. 65.

    Luci

    February 5, 2014 at 7:08 am

    I swear to God… this is the best blog on the Interwebs…. Also the best posts and commenters….You all have made my morning! As everyone said above… it’s not that hard. Go and get a car and learn to love it. I bought a new Toyota Corolla 4 years ago, expecting it to be fine because I’d had several before, and it is… after I learned to deal with a changed steering style and also some other things I did not notice when I test drove it. Most likely I’ll go looking for something a little different when next I get a car, but for now… it’s fine. I decided to learn to adapt to it and I figure that keeps my mind from senility, and it gets me where I want to go with a minimum of problems, which is the important thing. Also too… were I a bit younger, and not in a relationship, I’d apply for the job of your nanny John Cole… I can think of worse jobs and relationships than the one you described. And, Lily, Rosie, and Steve….

  66. 66.

    Concerned Citizen

    February 5, 2014 at 7:09 am

    I just got a KIA Forte. Not the greatest ride, but cheap as shit.

  67. 67.

    kindness

    February 5, 2014 at 7:16 am

    What about the Subaru Tribeca? (or something like that)

  68. 68.

    Manyakitty

    February 5, 2014 at 7:22 am

    @John Cole: You sound exactly like my boyfriend, minus the willingness to let me just freaking HANDLE THIS already. Got room for three more cats?

  69. 69.

    Bill

    February 5, 2014 at 8:50 am

    John, the 2005 and later Outbacks are still a bit pricey, while the 04 and earlier cars can be had for a song. 8k will get you an 05 or 06, but it’ll have some miles on it. You could get two nice 03s or 04s for that much. Just make sure to have a mechanic you trust look the car over especially underneath.

    I’d go for an 03 or 04 Outback with the 3.0L H6, it’s a marvelous engine that will go forever.

  70. 70.

    Tim F.

    February 5, 2014 at 9:07 am

    Quit complaining and buy this car. It’s in Cleveland, but good freaking luck finding a decent affordable AWD in northern Appalachia in winter.

    http://www.autotrader.com/cars-for-sale/vehicledetails.xhtml?endYear=2013&zip=15222&listingType=used&listingTypes=used&maxPrice=10000&showcaseListingId=362880598&mmt=%5BSUB%5BIMPREZ%5B%5D%5D%5B%5D%5D&vehicleStyleCodes=WAGON&modelCode1=IMPREZ&makeCode1=SUB&startYear=1981&showcaseOwnerId=57873361&searchRadius=100&listingId=364720581&Log=0

  71. 71.

    kuvasz

    February 5, 2014 at 9:08 am

    Dude, just fucking steal one.

  72. 72.

    BruceJ

    February 5, 2014 at 9:23 am

    @mzrad:What mzrad said.

    The jetta sportwagen TDI is the best damned car on the planet. I get 35mpg in the city and have enough room for me, my wife, and two 70 lb dogs, plus all our crap for vacations, and with all of that on board we got 48 mpg on the highway. In the Rockies. In the summer, with the air conditioning going.

    Awesome car. Sadly you’re not gonna get one for $8k.

  73. 73.

    FlyingToaster

    February 5, 2014 at 9:23 am

    I’m in the minivan camp, but I sold off my ’70 VW Microbus when I was 5 months pregnant and bought a new Toyota Siena “the works”. I’ve used everything but the AWD (it’s there, I just haven’t used it).

    Car negotiating is easier if you’re snarky to the salesdrone. My “DO NOT EXPLAIN THE NAVIGATION SYSTEM TO ME”, repeated thrice, got through to the poor kid that he wasn’t making headway. I want a fucking minivan where my dongle can open all the doors from across the parking lot, and I’m a programmer and the daughter of two airline employees — I know how to navigate and how to use a touch screen. I came to this dealership because I can walk here, so stop talking at me and find me a van already.

    The only problem is ice storms (knocked the rear wiper off) and stuff I did to it.

    I’d go the CarMax or auto broker route, Mr. Cole, sir. It’s not a new car, so don’t waste time at a dealership.

    Gotta go shovel (school was cancelled at 4:00am, but now the snow is really coming down here in Greatah Bwahstin).

  74. 74.

    Samuel Knight

    February 5, 2014 at 9:28 am

    # suggestions:
    1) Smile at least you don’t have to negotiate with a spouse who has radically different priorities and tastes. Wow I love the ride! It’s just beautiful! Sucked and it’s ugly.

    2) Consumer Reports – pay the online fee. Figure out what’s important, look at their ratings, both new and used. Then go to dealer give your offer. Walk if they won’t do it.

    3) Go along with a car made friend. They love this stuff, make them happy :)

  75. 75.

    Samuel Knight

    February 5, 2014 at 9:29 am

    Oops –

    Go with a car mad (not made) friend. A gear head, a car nut. Let them talk to the salesperson.

  76. 76.

    Lurker

    February 5, 2014 at 9:45 am

    @John Cole.

    I’d take you up on your offer to marry and would gladly take care of your car-buying and other financial and administrative predicaments as long as you cook and clean, but your sleeping arrangements are not up to par. I have two cats who love to sleep with me. Get a VERY LARGE bed made to specifications (two dogs, three cats, two humans) and I’ll reconsider.

  77. 77.

    Mnemosyne

    February 5, 2014 at 10:17 am

    @Calming Influence:

    I just bought my first Subaru last fall (Impreza hatchback). Perhaps it’s something in the water.

  78. 78.

    LAC

    February 5, 2014 at 10:20 am

    Jaysus, do you lie face down on the ground outside of Food mart, whimpering because you got to go into the store, get a cart, push the cart around, put food the cart, etc? I would tell you to buy some wood, build a bridge and get over it, but you would probably pull a tonya Harding face and wail about lifting wood. Adult …chore…get over it.

  79. 79.

    WaterGirl

    February 5, 2014 at 10:37 am

    @Calming Influence: It’s okay, really. Just read the car thread from tuesday and you’ll see that everyone at BJ really owns a Honda CRV. And we all love them. (Yes, me too.)

    It was kind of amazing.

  80. 80.

    Betsy

    February 5, 2014 at 10:46 am

    What is this, John. I thought we were engaged.

  81. 81.

    atlliberal

    February 5, 2014 at 10:52 am

    John,

    Car buying is very different than it was 20 years or even ten years ago. You go to edmunds.com look up the car you are interested in, and find out what the wholesale, and retail is on the car. They also tell you what the car is actually selling for in your area. Car dealers (larger ones anyway) know you have done this, and generally are not nearly as pushy as they used to be. Many of them have pricing pretty close to what you’ll expect after doing some research. We are looking for a used minivan right now, and I’ve been pleasantly surprised at how few pushy salespeople we have run into.

    Finding a wife to take care of all of these things would be great, but you may have to step a little out of your comfort zone to meet her! You may have to also invest in a super King size bed as she likely already has pets who sleep with her as well and you’ll need room for the whole family.

  82. 82.

    WaterGirl

    February 5, 2014 at 11:02 am

    @Betsy: Hey Betsy, looks like you need to step up your game! :-)

    @atlliberal: You must be psychic, see Lurker at #76, above.

  83. 83.

    Sloegin

    February 5, 2014 at 11:11 am

    Prior to doing the Costco thing (currently an Element owner), I did the car broker thing.

    A couple hundred bucks, and they handled the rest.

  84. 84.

    randommentality

    February 5, 2014 at 11:28 am

    Just did this after my car threw a drive chain and became a really big paperweight. Used the net – consumer reports, a few repair/gearhead sites, carfax, etc. to narrow to three or four models and years, then set mileage and price windows. By the time I went out there were only five cars in the area that met the criteria. Anyone can pick a best of five. That’s the trick to pressure buying – remembering you don’t have to pick the best car anywhere ever, just the best available to you right here and now. Yeah, half the sales guys were dickheads. One mocked me openly for being picky, not realizing I was standing right behind him. But I stuck to my list and got something I am happy with at a price, age, and mileage I am good with. Bonus: manual transmission lowers prices and I like it better.

  85. 85.

    BethanyAnne

    February 5, 2014 at 11:49 am

    You know, there are just moments that bring home how different people are. I love car shopping. You get to fiddle around all the websites, spend a couple of weeks daydreaming about what looks best on you, and what sounds fun, then you get to go drive new cars. And at the end, you get to argue with someone, haha. Last car I bought was at a rental lot, so the price was on the window – no arguing. Other than that it was fun. I got a nifty Kia Rondo. Plenty of room, almost cute, and a good radio. :)

  86. 86.

    Manyakitty

    February 5, 2014 at 11:55 am

    @Tim F.: Sounds like a good excuse for a NEOhio meetup.

  87. 87.

    a hip hop artist from Idaho (fka Bella Q)

    February 5, 2014 at 12:02 pm

    Tim F has a great idea above. Also, check your email, Cole. ::falls off chair laughing::

  88. 88.

    Bokonon

    February 5, 2014 at 12:24 pm

    My wife and I used to have a Subaru Outback wagon. It was a maintenance PIA the entire time we owned it. And then it needed a complete engine rebuild at 75K miles due to the notorious Subaru head gasket problems (plus an oil leak at the main seal).

    We got rid of the Subaru, and replaced it with an AWD Hyundai Santa Fe. We are much happier.

    So John – seriously. Before you go out and get another Subaru, check out the competition. Particularly Hyundai’s different AWD offerings. They are just plain solid. Same with Honda CRVs.

  89. 89.

    David Rickard

    February 5, 2014 at 1:02 pm

    Sorry, John, but you’re just a tad too old and broken down to be anyone’s boytoy…

  90. 90.

    pseudonymous in nc

    February 5, 2014 at 1:08 pm

    @Tim F.:

    good freaking luck finding a decent affordable AWD in northern Appalachia in winter.

    There are a few listings in southern Appalachia, where it’s no less Subaru country, but I’d expect the “decent” to be more of a problem. This is the land of the $2000 bike racked on a $1000 Subaru.

  91. 91.

    Visceral

    February 5, 2014 at 1:10 pm

    They used to joke that men got to make all the big decisions – like who to vote for – while women got to make all the little decisions: food, clothing, linens, paint, appliances, etc.

  92. 92.

    Trollhattan

    February 5, 2014 at 1:23 pm

    Find a clean used Audi Q5. They have a pasture mode. And no stinking boxer engine.

  93. 93.

    Jacquie

    February 5, 2014 at 2:20 pm

    I’ve got a 1995 Jeep Grand Cherokee I’m trying to get rid of, but that won’t be much help to you, I’m afraid. Here is everything I’ve learned about buying a car: 1) Scout the websites of local dealerships before you even think about going to one. If you find a car that you are interested in, 2) Research a fair price, and decide the maximum that you’re willing to pay, again before you even think about setting foot in the dealership, and then 3) Hold off on going into the dealership until the last day of the month, when the pressure to meet sales quotas is so great that you can smell the desperation on the salespeople. Tell the salesperson what specific car you are looking at, and what you are willing to pay, and here’s the really important part: 4) You MUST be willing to walk out if the salesperson will not come down to your price. Shake his hand, thank him for his time, and walk out. Takes balls of steel but it’s totally worth it, ’cause you’ll feel like a god when they chase after you, begging for the sale.

  94. 94.

    Thymezone

    February 5, 2014 at 3:37 pm

    Jesus Christ in a crackpipe. The car business sells around 20-30m used and new cars a year. Are the mental wards lined up with people despondent over not being able to pick out a car and just buy it? I didn’t know that. Where are the news trucks?

    Just pick a damned car and buy it. It’s about as hard as going to the store for cat litter. Nobody cares what car somebody else gets. Nobody. No. Body.

  95. 95.

    Thymezone

    February 5, 2014 at 3:45 pm

    I was wrong, it seems the actual car sales total new and used is probably in the 50-60m range per year. Just imagine all the blogs saturated with the heart wrenching tales of these transactions. The horror, the pain, the indecision, the whining and the muling and the puking.

    Why do people care about war, sickness, death, and injustice, when the world clearly revolves around worrying what car to buy?? Why??

  96. 96.

    Aussiesmurf

    February 5, 2014 at 4:57 pm

    Did anyone else notice the percentage of americans who have a favourable view of Vladimir Putin??

  97. 97.

    Elizabeth

    February 5, 2014 at 5:43 pm

    I recommend the Honda Fit! And out our way (California, I’m sorry) my husband found a dealer that has an online no-dicker low price.

    You pick out your car online, agree to pay a set low percentage over the dealer costs, print out the price agreement, come in and test drive, and if you like it, you sign the papers and out you drive. Took us about 40 minutes there, including the test drive, maybe less. And no hassle whatsoever.

    My god, I love my Fit! Turns on a dime, holds so much, much more than it looks like it even should. Amazing, fun, practical. MHO.

  98. 98.

    Mary Brown

    February 5, 2014 at 8:11 pm

    I don’t know how any woman could turn down a proposal like that.

    I have loved my 2003 Prius for 11 years and 180,000 miles. Still going strong. I’ll get another one, although I would prefer to buy an American made car, if this one ever gives up the ghost.

    You really may have hit on a new business model though. Good luck John.

  99. 99.

    Mike Jones

    February 5, 2014 at 8:28 pm

    We’re on our third Outback (a 2007), plus we had two of the little FWD made-from-recycled-beer-cans GL’s. This morning we got a call that our Corgi, who’d been missing since Saturday when he slipped his collar and ran away from the pet sitter when something spooked him, had been spotted about 5 miles from here (1 mile from where he disappeared). We’re having a bit of snow in upstate NY – there’s about 14″ on the ground now, it was probably more like 10″ at 7:30 when the call woke us up. Threw some clothes on, ran out, brushed off the windows of the Outback, didn’t give the snow a second thought and found our pup.

    Our first Outback gave its life at about 8 years old and 160K miles when a lady in a Volvo made a left on red in front of my wife. Nobody hurt, both cars totaled.

    I drive an Audi A4 Quattro, and I think you’d have a hard time going wrong with either an Outback or an A4 wagon.

  100. 100.

    Rumorhasit

    February 5, 2014 at 8:38 pm

    @John Cole: wow you made me come out of hiding to respond. alpha female here in seattle

  101. 101.

    dopey-o

    February 5, 2014 at 9:10 pm

    @J.Ty: A close friend recently survived a 60 mph head-on crash with a Lincoln going south in the north-bound lane. (60 north-bound + 60 south-bound = 120 mph?) Lincoln driver died. My friend has a couple of pins in his right ankle (frantically stomping on the brake pedal, no doubt.) After 3 weeks on the hospital and another month in a wheelchair, he and his wife are now expecting a second child.

    He was driving his wife’s 2 year old Subaru Forester. Probably worth twice what he paid for it. Mensch up and buy the car.

  102. 102.

    seaboogie

    February 5, 2014 at 9:12 pm

    @John Cole: If you are willing to put on a pair of pants as the occasion requires and also willing to consider a comely lass 10 years your senior (who also has the requisite ’99 CRV that is still going strong), you may begin pitching woo in my direction. If you prove to have a good arm in that department, I will consider taking a refresher course in First Aid – as this seems a useful skill to have in the life of John and the piglets.

    Caveat: still mending a broken heart from the sweet man who introduced me to the BJ community, but on the plus side I have an 18-year old deaf and slightly arthritic cat who is occasionally incontinent in my bed, but happily willing to sleep on a pee pad. The waterproof Stearns and Foster mattress cover is in the dryer as I type, having worked splendidly – I am awesome at solution-oriented shopping!

  103. 103.

    Nathanael

    February 5, 2014 at 11:26 pm

    John, you just described personal conservatism. I am there with you. It’s a pity that “polticial conservatism” turned into something else a while back.

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