… By making the hard, unpopular decisions, or something like that. Per Joe Coscarelli at NYMag:
Tim Armstrong should probably stop doing conference calls. The AOL CEO, who fired a guy during one for taking his picture, was perhaps too brash once again today, baldly telling his entire company that their benefits were being rolled back because two women went and got themselves pregnant. “Two things that happened in 2012,” Armstrong said, according to a transcript obtained by Capital New York. “We had two AOL-ers that had distressed babies that were born that we paid a million dollars each to make sure those babies were okay in general. And those are the things that add up into our benefits cost. So when we had the final decision about what benefits to cut because of the increased health-care costs, we made the decision, and I made the decision, to basically change the 401(k) plan.”
Earlier, on TV, Armstrong said, “As a CEO and as a management team, we had to decide, do we pass the $7.1 million of Obamacare costs to our employees? Or do we try to eat as much of that as possible and cut other benefits?”…
Reaction has been… not entirely positive, as Emperor Hirohito would’ve framed it. NYMag has a selection of employee reactions, as well as the text of Armstrong’s follow-up non-apology, which proves that he may not speak much Human Being but he’s fluent in Weaselspeak. Commentors at the Washington Post‘s Wonkblog dissect Armstrong’s math, which does not stand up to scrutiny either.
Speaking of “a face that cries out for a fist in it”…
Villago Delenda Est
This guy had better not order the Cobb salad at the AOL commissary.
Tumbrel worthy sack of shit, for sure.
ruemara
He’s really building his own brand, right there.
Omnes Omnibus
AOL? This is relevant, how?
Villago Delenda Est
Oh, wow. Google ad for war criminal asswipe Allen West, to “fight back against Obama’s liberal agenda.”
? Martin
Well, someone needs to tell the AOL employees that the obvious solution to this problem is to see if the $12M employee is capable of running the company all by himself, since he’s obviously more valuable than everyone else combined.
Alison
“Distressed Babies” is absolutely gonna be the name of my lady punk band. We’re going to bring back the old kinderwhore look from Courtney Love’s early days.
Suzanne
But, but….culture of life. He doesn’t want to be a death panel. Obamacare stops a beating heart. No, wait….Damn.
Shit, I can’t speak Rethuglican.
Suzanne
@Alison: I WANT TO BE IN YOUR LADY PUNK BAND. Shit. So much of 1994 is still in the back of my closet.
I actually had a good band name idea the other day. Of course it’s architectural.
MURDER HOLE.
Yeah, that’s awesome.
trollhattan
Still laundering my drawers since my reaction upon reading this.
Fuckin-A, more than a hundred mil based on one really good year. If only I had a pair of his bootstraps….
Omnes Omnibus
@Suzanne:
A brilliant technological innovation. Really.
aangus
“a bunch of mindless jerks who’ll be the first against the wall when the revolution comes,”
Douglas Adams
mai naem
@trollhattan: How much you wanna bet he only pays like $5-7 mill. taxes on all that? I bet there’s some clever accounting tricks done on that taxes.
Scotius
@Omnes Omnibus:
Tom Perkins should get one installed in every house he owns, just in case.
Villago Delenda Est
Hmmm. I suppose it never occurred to him to cut the compensation of the management team to make up the shortfall? Because “eat the $7.1 million” through cutting “other benefits” doesn’t sound much like actually eating the $7.1 million to me. It sounds like screwing over the employees either way.
No, probably not. How silly of me to even think that was an option of any sort.
Omnes Omnibus
Tim Armstrong? Not this one, right?
Omnes Omnibus
@Scotius: As a fully trained artilleryman, I can say that we could still fuck up his shit.
Mnemosyne
Since this is sort of a healthcare thread, I thought this was an interesting point about the recent drop in the abortion rate that I hadn’t seen elsewhere: a lot more women are using IUDs and other long-term methods of birth control, which, since they’re more reliable than the Pill, would automatically lead to a drop in the unintended pregnancy and abortion rate.
Alison
@Suzanne: OMG Murder Hole can be the name of our song supporting abortion.
Scotius
@Omnes Omnibus:
I know that, but it would still give him peace of mind and provide much needed construction jobs. As Tim Armstrong is amply proving, it’s perfectly possible to be a wealthy Galtian übermensch and still be not very bright.
Omnes Omnibus
@Scotius: Tim could also say, Into Action again. it depends upon which Tim we rely. Musically, I have made my choice,
Mart
From the Wonkblog link, “AOL said in its quarterly earnings that profits were hurt by $13.2 million in costs associated with layoffs, including at Patch, the struggling local news venture recently sold to investment firm Hale Global. The Patch unit, championed by Armstrong, has lost an estimated $200 million.”
The shit bag gets 7M for losing 200M and takes it out on the employees.
Suzanne
@Alison: LMMFAO. Win. Have an internet.
In the house I design for myself, I may put in a murder hole. Just to fuck with people.
Raven OnTheHill
“As a CEO and as a management team…”
Now I read this as “As a CEO and as a malignant team…”
Suzanne
@Mnemosyne: And, because of President Obama, IUDs are now covered! I got one last year because they FINALLY were no longer $500.
Omnes Omnibus
@Raven OnTheHill: Yeah, but who really cares what you say… After all, you have not appended your usual blaming of Obama. Is it really you commenting? One wonders.
Raven OnTheHill
@Omnes Omnibus: Nope, not me at all. Obama made me do it!
John Cole
Fuck this guy. What else can you really say about this dick?
AxelFoley
@Omnes Omnibus:
Was gonna ask the same thing. Who still uses AOL?
Groucho48
Is AOL doing self-insurance? Because Armstrong is saying that the two women cost his company $2 mil. Not the insurers.
Omnes Omnibus
@Raven OnTheHill: Thanks. Now that you lived up to type, I can sleep ever so well.
TriassicSands
@? Martin:
I have a great suggestion for Tim. If he isn’t a colossal liar and the PPACA is really costing AOL an additional $7.1 million a year, why doesn’t Tim share the pain with the other AOL employees? Let’s see, he makes $12 million a year, so we could deduct $7 million from his bloated paycheck and the employees could take care of the other $100K. That sounds fair to me. Whaddya think, could greed-head Tim,scrape by on $5 million a year?
Of course, if there are other executives making more than a million dollars a year, they could take some of the cost-sharing from Tim, leaving him with even more than the barely livable wage $5 million that the first plan would leave him.
AOL — one company I’ve never gone near. Crap from the beginning.
jheartney
This is why we need to bring back the 90% top marginal rate. Basically we need a set of brackets above the current top one, going over 100% for anything above $10 million.
Job creators my ass.
Whammer
@Groucho48: There you go, Groucho — I had the exact same thought. So what he is saying is that AOL chose to self-insure to some extent for employee health care costs. That went wrong for them. As a result of management’s bad decision, he decided to cut benefits. And blame Obamacare, of course, because Obamacare has become the catchall excuse for these sorry-ass mofos to screw employees.
hells littlest angel
How many employees does AOL need to support their 32 subscribers? I mean, besides the guy who says, “You’ve got mail!”
David M
Seems like the AOL executives are asking the other employees to take the hit for their mistakes. Somehow I doubt they would have done the same with the profits if they had been lucky instead of unlucky. Sounds like some Republican values in action.
Mustang Bobby
AOL is still in business? Wow, I thought they went out with the dotcom bust of the 90’s, along with Windows 3.0 and “Home Improvement.”
gene108
I ran into this about 5 years ago. One employee had premature triplets and another had a brain tumor (non-cancerous thankfully). Our then current career doubled our premiums and basically no one else in the full insured market wanted to offer us competitive rates.
We went to a self-insured medically underwritten plan.
We we were early adopters of high deductible plans, which means pre-Obamacare our benefits were less generous than others.
I still didn’t fucking tell anybody that the reason was premature babies, despite getting calls about the drop in benefits.
What a fucking dick head.
mellowjohn
wait, what? AOL still exists?
Matt McIrvin
Several years ago I remember reading that a considerable fraction of AOL’s remaining subscriber base was elderly people who didn’t understand that they actually had broadband Internet, and kept dialing in out of habit. I don’t know if that’s still true.
mcfrank0
From what I can understand from a quick scan of Wikipedia’s AOL webpage, AOL is now mostly a venture capital firm specializing in website acquisition and branding (they now own Huffington Post.
So, Tim Armstrong earns his $12 million by churning other people’s money, just like a recent Republican presidential nominee.
NorthLeft12
I am surprised that this douchebag did not consider other cost saving measures like banning pregnancies in the AOL workforce.
“Companies typically move to giving out 401(k) matches in a lump sum because they’re cutting costs overall and having trouble raising their profits. But Armstrong said in the CNBC interview that the company’s fourth quarter performance was “Olympian.” ” -from Wonkblog
Okay, if you believe Mr. Armstrong, there is no such thing as a growing pie. It seems like the amount of company money available for employee benefits is absolutely fixed and no increase in corporate profits will change that. I am pretty sure that same philosophy is not carried over into the upper management compensation, amirite?
NorthLeft12
Oh, and next time the AOL board has a meeting, I will gladly chip in to pay this guy to walk around far [very far I hope] beneath them.
https://balloon-juice.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/03/Jump-225×150.jpg
Yes, it is the JUMP….you fuckers guy.
Brendan in NC
@TriassicSands: That would require empathy. Tim Armstrong wouldn’t know empathy if he downloaded it…
Aunt Kathy
The solution to his cost-cutting problem is obvious. Shit-can this guy, get a woman in there, they’ll only have to pay her half of what he was making. Voila! Savings!
gvg
Liked the news title at the very bottom of the first story linked.
Posted on 02/04/2014 at 2:43 PM
‘Obamacare Bailout’ Does Not Exist, Confirms Government; House Republicans Demand Its Repeal Anyway
Or else they will murder all the unicorns.
About the main post….I don’t think this guy is that competant a CEO.
S-Curve
Tim Armstrong? Talk about Rancid! [rimshot]
S-Curve
Seriously, there’s an awfully strong undercurrent of “bitchez be havin expensive malfunctioning babies n shit” to his tale, no?
boatboy_srq
@ruemara:
FIFY.
Mike R
@Brendan in NC: Don’t think you could download empathy on dial-up. It would take decades at those rates.
Paul in KY
@John Cole: I would hope he ends up a pauper some day.
Paul in KY
@S-Curve: I wonder if the 2 mothers will have people there giving them the stink eye, etc.
Smedley Darlington Prunebanks (formerly Mumphrey, et al.)
@mai naem:
$5-7,000,000? That’s an outrage! How can we ask anybody to pay so much in taxes? Poor people don’t pay $5-7,000,000 a year in taxes; why should a successful job creator have to pay so much? It’s patently unfair to ask a rich guy to pay more in taxes than a poor guy. Did you know that over 70% of all income taxes are paid by only 1% of Americans? That’s discriminatory. When are we going to stop punishing success with this outrageous class warfare? Clearly, the only fair tax is not a flat tax, since rich people will still pay more than poor people; the only fair tax is a head tax. Everybody pays the same amount. Every year. What could be fairer than that?
(Seriously, it amazes me that, as far as I know, no Republican has brought this up yet. What the hell are they waiting for? I bet they could get any number of poor white losers out toting badly spelled signs calling for a “fair” head tax. Come on Koch Brothers or Americans for Prosperity or American Crossroads or somebody, get in the game here.)
David in NY
A guy can make $12 mil/yr running (down) AOL??? What a racket!
David in NY
@NorthLeft12: Nicely said.
NCSteve
@Omnes Omnibus: Arianna’s employees might have a thought about that . . .
Bokonon
They tried this same line of corporate propaganda at my former employer, when announcing massive benefits cuts this past fall. They effectively eliminated the HMO options that the company had previously offered as its mainstream health plans, and crammed everyone into high deductible health plans that were more expensive and crummier than what you could go out and purchase on your own (through … Obamacare).
Our executives blamed Obamacare for this, and they wept tears of regret. Obamacare was holding a gun to the company’s head. They had no choice!
The fact that it coincided with a major push to boost corporate profits in a flat market was a pure coincidence. Pure. Coincidence.
These CEO guys? What a bunch of kidders. They talk to each other, clearly.
Jay C
@Smedley Darlington Prunebanks (formerly Mumphrey, et al.):
Wasn’t some variety of this idea part of Herman Cain’s idiotic “Nine-Nine-Nine” tax “plan”? Typical Republican BS: a “tax plan” that sounds fair and equitable on its face, but if enacted, would merely assure that the rich would get to keep even MORE of their money, while everyone else outside of the “pauper” classification would end up paying more?
different-church-lady
“And, let me tell you, when an asset is depreciated, you cut that sucker loose!” he continued.
Felanius Kootea
Can’t be having those distressed babies. I guess employees can look forward to his new mandatory abortion plan to save the company money.
I didn’t even know AOL still existed.
mclaren
That AOL CEO missed a bet. He should’ve ripped those women’s foetuses out with his bare hands and brandished them on live television like the Vampire King of Louisiana in True Blood, shouting, “This is the true face of capitalism!”
AOL’s stock price would’ve gone through the roof. Why, the NYSE traders would’ve given him a standing ovation.
Bill Arnold
@AxelFoley:
My 88YO dad does. It works for him. He even uses the client (on windows 8).
Fax Paladin
@Paul in KY: Seriously. Is the guy *trying* to encourage a “Code Red”?
xian
@Matt McIrvin: No, it was people paying AOL subscriptions (usually connecting via broadband) when they would have continued getting access to their email, etc., without paying.
(I worked at AOL for a couple of years during the Tim Armstrong period. I don’t think he’s being straight about insurance, self-insurance, and Obamacare.)
Barry
@Villago Delenda Est: “This guy had better not order the Cobb salad at the AOL commissary.”
I wouldn’t order *anything* at the AOL commissary, and I’ve have security quietly watching as I go to my car.
Tim Armstrong
Fuck this guy, he’s a dick and proves it every time he speaks. Karma cant catch up to him soon enough.
Rich S.
@Villago Delenda Est: Repeat after me: “Obamacare will not cost AOL, or any other company, large increases in their medical insurance costs.” It’s all bullshit. My company told us the same fucking line. It’s just an excuse to offload more of the cost onto the employees.