(Tom Toles via GoComics.com)
I like how Jon Chait’s mind works:
Susan Patton, Tom Perkins Announce Trolling Merger
Last year, one of us, Susan Patton, sparked an outcry among liberals by writing a provocative letter to the editor urging young Ivy league women to focus on landing a husband in college. More recently, the other, Tom Perkins, sparked an outcry among liberals by writing a provocative letter to the editor comparing the plight of contemporary American billionaires to that of the Jews in Nazi Germany. We have now decided to combine our efforts.Our trolling merger is a response, first of all, to the increasing challenges of provoking continuous liberal anger in the modern media environment. Both of us have managed to leverage the ancient, low-cost platform of the letter to the editor into a successful national message. Yet the very ease of this method requires us to constantly up the ante. Yesterday, one of us had to float a plan to give rich people extra voting power, while today, the other has had to resort to shameless Valentine’s Day exploitation of single female insecurity (“What are you waiting for? You’re not getting any younger, but the competition for the men you’d be interested in marrying most definitely is.”) Ending this destructive competition could create fantastic new synergistic possibilities….
Not gonna spoil the kicker — click over for the perfect closer!
**********
Speaking of synergistic possibilities, what’s on the agenda for the start of the weekend?
BGinCHI
For the second V-day in the row I got Mrs. BG a 1 hour massage at a spa in the neighborhood.
I’m pretty sure I am the first male ever in the history of my family, dating back to when we rode dinosaurs with Jesus and stopped our cars with our feet, to do such a thing.
And they say there’s no evolution.
catclub
“above all, the marketplace invariably rewards merit”
All Genghis Khan wanted was a little respect.
schrodinger's cat
I don’t get the joke. Cuter couple here
gogol's wife
I finally had time at the end of the work week to read some well-informed tributes to Shirley Temple Black, beyond the canned obituaries (the New York Times did pretty well, although they committed the unpardonable blunder of identifying James Dunn as Warner Baxter in their picture caption).
The best of the best is Self-Styled Siren, which also has good links and great comments:
http://selfstyledsiren.blogspot.com/
MrSnrub
Today’s job interview turned into a job offer! I think it’s a good one, too. I have 2 more interviews next week, but if this is the only offer, I’ll be satisfied.
I could have a 4th interview if I wanted it – just got email from that recruiter. I’m not interested in them, though and I think I’ll pass.
If I start on March 3rd, I’ll be able to bank 5 weeks of severance and PTO.
Whew.
catclub
I love my Tetley British Blend tea. If I were to switch due to the horrible conditions of their workers ( see LGM), what would be the most similar? And how many times more expensive ( but still cheap, as vices go)?
Villago Delenda Est
The thing is, you have to seriously troll to get even a rise out of liberals.
All you have to do is be a “thug” in the White House to cause “conservatives” to go batshit insane.
Or wear a hoodie and be armed with skittles.
gogol's wife
@BGinCHI:
You are a good husband.
We are postponing Valentine’s Day to tomorrow, since yesterday was so awful (inches and inches of snow and ice).
WaterGirl
@MrSnrub: Wow, that was fast. Congratulations! Have you checked to see if you may have broken some kind of record?
Villago Delenda Est
@MrSnrub:
WooHoo! Good news indeed!
Davis X. Machina
@MrSnrub: What the hell do you do?
My son, a newly minted MArch (architect), from a top ten school got four (4) interviews in nine months.
raven
Hand made White Tiger Chocolate, Trader Joe’s Red Roses and a Mushy Gushy card. fugettabout it.
Amir Khalid
@MrSnrub:
Congratulations. I don’t believe it was just luck; you were good enough to land four job interviews so soon after you were retrenched, and get offered a job at the first one.
Anne Laurie
@catclub: Comments here led to my supertaster Spousal Unit getting hooked on Upton Teas. If you explore their extensive catalog, I’m sure you can find something comparable to your current favorite.
The Pale Scot
I don’t accept the premise, but Kate Micucci’s faces are hilarious.
Referring to Patton’s letter in the WSJ.
29/31 by Garfunkel and Oates
Mnemosyne
@BGinCHI:
I get nothing for Valentine’s Day … except for additional savings towards our planned trip to Hawaii this fall. :-)
Then again, we don’t have kids, only cats, so I’m probably in much less need of a massage (and, most importantly, ALONE TIME) than Mrs. BGinCHI is.
BGinCHI
@raven: Attaboy. We is learning.
Mnemosyne
@catclub:
I have no idea what would be similar, but I love Adagio Teas. I’m a lapsang souchong girl and I looooove their Loch Ness Lapsang. It sounds expensive, but $10 of tea will last you for a few months at least.
BGinCHI
@Mnemosyne: Oh for some alone time. Saving for a great trip is also an excellent way to pay that gift shit forward. Good thinking.
jl
I clicked through to the review of Mr. Perkins novel, and read some excerpts.
Apparently the nice whip and leather wonkette lady came into his bedroom buck nekkid, and ‘stood him up’ (har har har) because she said it was the wrong time of the month for her. Or something.
Edit: forgot to add that, IMHO, this made him hate liberals and progressives, and sadly lead Perkins thinking that Democrats wanted to genocide him.
Everyone should read Perkins’ prose. It is a delight.
Personally I’ve never had a woman type person buck nekkid sashay around the bedroom alluringly and then casually decide that it was her wrong time of the month. but then I am not a handsome, chiseled, strong and trim super gazillionaire who travels in sophisticated circles and who (fever drams about, looks like) holding off hordes of sexy glamorous nubile hotties. Sad day for me.
I need to read that book, I might learn something.
Mnemosyne
@jl:
What did he expect from a dominatrix? Obviously he’s doing BDSM wrong.
Jebediah, RBG
@MrSnrub:
Congratulations!
raven
@BGinCHI: I normally make heart shaped polenta in marinara sauce but since the Tiger is 200 ft away. . . .
Randy P
Has anyone mentioned today’s Google Doodle? Candy hearts that comprise a mini internet-only version of “This American Life” (with love stories of course). Cool marriage of radio and internet.
Omnes Omnibus
@jl: So is this better or worse than Scooter Libby’s near and the maiden fair genre pr0n?
BGinCHI
@raven: Man, you are way ahead of me.
Suffern ACE
@jl: Because the Nazis were known to give everyone blue balls. That’s why the Soviets really ended up hating them.
SuperHrefna
@catclub: what you want is Clipper. It’s delicious and fair trade. As a British Expat I stock up on my annual trips to visit my father so I can have a decent cuppa here in NY
SuperHrefna
@catclub: here you go: http://www.clipper-teas.com/ I think you can buy some if their teas on US amazon, too
Chat Noir
@BGinCHI: You are a good husband. Excellent gift.
@MrSnrub: Mazel tov! Good for you.
@raven: You are also a good husband. Excellent gifts.
jl
@Omnes Omnibus: Damn, how would I know? I don’t read steamy potboilers that politicians and journalists hack out.
I do recommend clicking through and reading the excerpts from Perkins novel. The excerpts are so bland and ingenuous (in all senses of that word), but with an air of such innocent, superficial, thoughtless sleaze. It might be a classic of some kind of new genre someday.
Edit: probably not a good read or gift for Valentines day, though.
raven
@Chat Noir: It means a lot to her. That’s enough for me.
Omnes Omnibus
@jl: A likely story.
gogol's wife
@jl:
It really is funny. I loved that after this passage, “Oh, were you wondering what Steven [hero of the novel] looks like? ‘He was tall, slim and strong, with a movie star’s chiseled looks,'” there was an ad saying “Like Christie?” with his jowly mug emblazoned on it.
BGinCHI
@Omnes Omnibus: Probably just an ordinary Tuesday night for you.
Bill E Pilgrim
@catclub:PG Tips makes Tetly (which I used to drink) seem like lightly tinted water. If you like that sort of thing, strong I mean. That’s the PG Tips tea bags, and of course if you want to go to loose tea in a pot it can be even stronger. For me PG Tips are perfect.
They sell it in CVS Pharmacy now, I notice.
jl
@Omnes Omnibus: I need not defend myself, The testimonials for the book are already flooding in from other commenters.
And, so what if I was surprised that BJ was a political blog? That says nothing about me, and you know it.
MrSnrub
@Davis X. Machina: I’m a software developer. I think that it’s a combination of my career status (20 years) and it’s a hot market for developers. An ex-manager and friend of mine who now lives in Boston says that he’s seen developers demand and get director-level salary.
That’s not the case in Philly, but it’s still good.
Sadly, there was a guy at my last job who got an architecture degree and couldn’t get a job and is now doing software development. I’ll send your son all of my leftover jobsearch karma.
IowaOldLady
@MrSnrub: You rock!
Not Adding Much to the Community
I’ll just leave this here for Ted & Helen, Corner Stain, Mandalay, McLaren, et alia. It’s an interesting study on how sadists, psychopaths and narcissists are the most ardent trolls.
dantoujours
Speaking of arseholes, what about this excellent article from the liberal New York Times about how young millionaires live. It features a 26 year old interior designer who, with no help from anyone, became a millionaire within 4 years of finishing college. She did it because she has “unique DNA” and a “pioneering and creative spirit”.
How New York’s Young Millionaires Live
The Revolution can’t come fast enough.
Steeplejack (phone)
@gogol’s wife:
I liked her edgy pre-Code work, especially Moppet Mayhem. Mnemosyne will probably weigh in.
Omnes Omnibus
@BGinCHI: Tuesdays are for Justified, that kind of thing sounds much more like Thursday – you know, sort of easing into the decadence of the normal weekend chez moi.
Violet
Making brownies for dessert. Making pizza tonight for dinner and probably watching either a silly movie or maybe catching up on some stuff on the DVR. I bought tulips yesterday, so we’ve already got those. Valentine’s Day is going to be low key but fun.
gogol's wife
@Not Adding Much to the Community:
Mandalay? I wouldn’t put him/her in the same category.
Amir Khalid
@jl:
I do believe this Tom Perkins has the potential to become a literary giant like Jacqueline Susann, for instance, or Harold Robbins. Or maybe even an E.L. James.
gogol's wife
@Steeplejack (phone):
I know you’re being snarky, but Little Miss Marker is pretty edgy and pre-Code.
Cacti
Valentine’s Day is a ridiculous and contrived holiday, ginned up by the floral, greeting card, and candy industries…
And I had 2 doz. assorted roses delivered to my wife’s workplace. ;-)
gogol's wife
@Cacti:
My husband shoveled, cleaned off cars, and raked the roof for Valentine’s Day. He’s my hero.
Not Adding Much to the Community
@gogol’s wife: I’ve seen some trollish behavior from Mandalay but perhaps I was painting with too broad a brush. YMMV.
gogol's wife
@Not Adding Much to the Community:
Yes, but only mildly trollish. You’re lumping him/her together with some champions.
Gex
One word of advice. Do not start a relationship on Valentine’s Day. It seems great, while the relationship is going strong. Once the relationship ends, you end up getting a weeks long reminder of the upcoming anniversary. And the day itself will be even harder than it need be.
AND it is really hard to make plans with other people to distract from the fact that your loved one is no longer with you.
BGinCHI
@Omnes Omnibus: I was afraid I might have over-fluffed you with Tuesday.
gogol's wife
@Gex:
A friend of mine got married today. He didn’t ask my advice in advance, but I had some qualms about the wisdom of the date.
Gex
@gogol’s wife: Let’s just wish them all the best. Hopefully they will have no cause to see that as a mistake.
Omnes Omnibus
@gogol’s wife: Corner Stone is a cantankerous asshole; Mandalay is a detail obsessed, impervious to nuance joke. Neither are trolls. Of the two, I prefer Corner Stone.
Amir Khalid
@gogol’s wife:
@Not Adding Much to the Community:
I agree about Mandalay. Frequently annoying, but not a troll. Ted & Hellen, on the other hand, is the most spitefully trollish troll I have ever encountered among the commentariat of this or any other blog. And no matter what John Cole says, he is also a lousy portrait artist.
Mnemosyne
@gogol’s wife:
It could work out. My recently retired boss with the same anniversary date has been married for almost 35 years now.
We went with a date that was significant for us, but no one else. At least that way if things don’t work out, we won’t have constant national ad campaigns reminding us of that. Of course, I got depressed at Father’s Day this year because my dad died last January, so it’s not like we can avoid all associations with Hallmark holidays.
Suffern ACE
@gogol’s wife: Why would you pick a day where celebrating your anniversary will always be more expensive than other days?
Yeah, I’m cheap, but my partner mostly loves me for that.
Mnemosyne
@Steeplejack (phone):
Dude. “Polly Tix in Washington,” with Temple playing a pint-sized call girl. Not joking. All of the Baby Burlesks series are mildly racy adult stories made comic because they’re played by toddlers, Bugsy Malone-style.
Gex
I would imagine for some people, the fact that it is nearly impossible to forget the anniversary because it is also Valentine’s Day is a bonus.
But like I said, it’s great when things are good, but it can backfire.
Cassidy
Working today. We don’t really do Vday, though. We don’t like the pressure and we don’t get to go out anyway. Im thinking we’ll go watch a movie tomorrow at one of the theaters that has a bar.
WereBear
Sadly, a twelve year relationship has come to an end the last couple of weeks. It was great while it lasted, and now there’s reminders everywhere.
I’m off coffee, probably for keeps.
However, I have Mr WayofCats to keep me warm :)
gogol's wife
@Mnemosyne:
Yes, I didn’t want to go there.
gogol's wife
@WereBear:
You scared me there for a moment.
I’ve been off coffee for probably 10 years now. I do miss it, but it’s for the best.
WaterGirl
@Mnemosyne: I remember the first Father’s Day after my dad died. Some
idiotbusiness had put up a big billboard that said: “Everybody has a Dad!”And I thought, no, you idiot, everybody does not have a dad. It was bad enough for me, but I thought of all the kids who would be seeing that. Completely thoughtless.
I had to look at that billboard for weeks.
WaterGirl
@WereBear: That was evil. You scared me! That. Was. Not. Funny.
Best to you and Mr. WereBear.
IowaOldLady
@WereBear: Sorry, Werebear.
I have to admit, I’m nearly as horrified that you’re off coffee.
Mnemosyne
@WereBear:
Meh. I can take or leave coffee. We’re just friends with benefits.
ETA: Of course, my ADHD brain means I can take two Excedrin (500mg of caffeine) and sleep like a baby, so YMM definitely V.
WereBear
Yes, that waking up at 2 AM and not getting back to sleep for hours… won’t miss that.
However, I have discovered brewed cocoa beans, which fills the gap without causing problems for me. So far, so good!
SarahT
Apologies if this has already been posted, but I know therr are some fans of the show here @ B-J:
http://truedetectivevalentines.tumblr.com/
Happy V.D., everyone
Dee Loralei
I was supposed to go see The Vagina Monologues with friends, but I backed out. I thought today might be particularly hard on my father. I made some navy bean and ham soup and cornbread for my dad, son and I Now THAT’S a romantic meal.. I’m trying to decide if going mattress shopping in the rain is a good enough excuse for getting out of reading condolence cards and writing thank you notes tonight. Right now, in all honesty, I’m leaning toward shopping in the rain.
My middle name is avoidance, not Loralei, I suppose.
WereBear
@Dee Loralei: Gee, go at the pace you can handle, you know? People will understand.
Gex
@WereBear: Hugs. It is tough to transition to single life after that amount of time.
@Dee Loralei: Seconding WereBear. Do what feels right for you or what feels safe for you. I missed the backstory behind this, but it sounds like loss. And I’m sorry you are having to deal with that. Hugs.
Mnemosyne
@Dee Loralei:
I sent my widowed mom a picture of our cat drinking out of the toilet, so you’re already ahead of me when it comes to being productive.
:-)
I also vote for the mattress shopping if it will take your mind off things. I understand the urge to plow through and just get everything done that you don’t want to do, but it’s better to pace yourself.
WaterGirl
@Dee Loralei: It’s been 29 years last month, and your comment brought me right back to reading condolence cards and writing thank you notes. I know where I was, what room I was in, what table I was sitting at and where I was sitting at the table.
So sorry for your loss.
Not sure I get a vote, but I vote for shopping in the rain, anyway.
WaterGirl
@IowaOldLady: @Gex:
Did you guys catch that the relationship loss was with COFFEE, not Mr. WereBear?
We were being punked.
schrodinger's cat
@MrSnrub: Congratulations!
Cassidy
@Dee Loralei: Can’t say if go shopping. Sounds recent so odds are I’d go howl at the moon for a little while*.
*until the liquor runs out and nothing else is open.
Dee Loralei
@Gex: My mom died of Pneumonia, pretty suddenly on Jan 18.
And thank all the rest of you for the shopping suggestion. So, unless it starts pouring again, I probably will. We had her wake on the 20th, so I want to get the thank yous sent by Feb 20, at least. But President’s day Mattress sales happen only one weekend a year. And damn do I need a new mattress. BTW, I saw an advert for a sleep number for $599. Hope it’s not for a twin set. Because I need a bigger one.
Gex
@WaterGirl: Doh! Oh well. A loss is a loss. For some, a relationship with caffeine is a very significant relationship.
gogol's wife
@Dee Loralei:
I’m sorry about your mother.
Go for the mattress. You’ll feel better.
Gex
@Dee Loralei: No! I’m so sorry to hear that. Checking…yep, I have more hugs to send your way. Wish I could do something more to help. I’m very sorry for your loss.
LanceThruster
Costingtons Manager: Okay, people, we need to cook up a new holiday for the summer. Something with gifts, cards, assorted gougeables.
Costingtons Woman: How about something religious? We had great penetration last spring with Christmas Two.
Costingtons Man: Oh, I know. Spendover, like Passover, less talk, more presents.
[Everyone starts talking at once]
Costingtons Manager: No, no, no! No, it’s gotta be warm and fuzzy. Some like, um, “Love Day”, but not so lame.
[cut to the Simpsons home several days later]
Marge Simpson: Happy Love Day, everyone!
Lisa Simpson: Come on, Mom, The stores just invented this holiday to make money.
Homer Simpson: Lisa, don’t you ruin another Love Day.
SuperHrefna
@SarahT: Funny! I love True Detective and this article I just read about the series’ links to The King In Yellow has me even more excited for the next four eps: http://io9.com/the-one-literary-reference-you-must-know-to-appreciate-1523076497
gogol's wife
@Dee Loralei:
And do not worry for a second about how fast you can get the thank yous out. You can take a year if you want to. Or never.
SuperHrefna
@Dee Loralei: hugs! I’m so sorry to hear of your loss, I don’t know how I’m going to cope when it’s my turn to lose my parents.
SuperHrefna
@Dee Loralei: let me second Gogol’s Wife – you do not need to press yourself to send thank you after a devastating loss. People come to give you comfort. Only send the thank yous if the task helps you through the hours.
WaterGirl
@Dee Loralei: Love, love, love my new mattress. It took me two tries, though, so be sure to shop at a store that gives you 30 or 60 days to return the mattress and try again. My first try was pillow top and not good, didn’t sleep well at all. Second try, plush, but no pillow top, I sleep really well. Mine is a Simmons, if that helps.
Talking about mattresses, but still sending love and hugs across the internet.
Gex
@SuperHrefna: This. If I were in your circles, Dee Lorealei, I would want to be giving of myself to help you, with no expectations on anything coming back from you. Your job is to accept help and support. Our job is to give it.
SiubhanDuinne
Here is a Valentine’s Day classic (thanks for the reminder, George Takei’a Facebook page!) — be sure to read the reviews ?
jenn
@Dee Loralei: I think my vote might be for nothing productive at all – how about a mug of hot choc, a blankie, and a book? There’s time to be productive tomorrow. Or the next day. Or the day after that! :) Best wishes.
WaterGirl
@SiubhanDuinne: Is that a for real book? If so, how in the world did the comments get started like that? (I have obviously never seen this before.)
tybee
V.D. is nothing to clap about.
WaterGirl
@tybee:
Sounds like you should have been on the email list for this:
(My father’s favorite: If you steal a mink, it’s a mink stole, was not on the list.)
SiubhanDuinne
@WaterGirl:
I’m sure it’s a for-real book, although I’m somewhat unwilling to drop $212 to check it out.
The reviews are priceless, though!
WaterGirl
@SiubhanDuinne: Yeah, I’d have to go with used on this one!
Seriously, though, the sociologist in me wants to know how the whole comment thing got started. It’s a hoot.
SarahT
@SuperHrefna: thanks for that background !
SuperHrefna
@WaterGirl: it’s been going on for years, I remember writing about it in my MSc a decade ago – Amazon have a whole page of links to some of the classics. http://www.amazon.com/gp/feature.html?docId=1001250201 I really love this subversion of the review feature :-)
Omnes Omnibus
@SiubhanDuinne:
Brilliant.
SuperHrefna
@WaterGirl: Tuscan Whole Milk was one of the earliest Amazon items to get this treatment: http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00032G1S0/ref=azfs_379213722_TuscanWholeMilk_1?pf_rd_m=ATVPDKIKX0DER&pf_rd_s=center-5&pf_rd_r=0NY7KH7KB213W9VXRVP2&pf_rd_t=1401&pf_rd_p=1608755502&pf_rd_i=1001250201 People started reviewing it as if it was a tech product. Complaining that vital accessories were sold separately ( cookies and a refrigerator) or that it didn’t come with a manual. It kind of took off from there.
WaterGirl
@SuperHrefna: I can already see I’m going to find great fun at the link:
SiubhanDuinne
@Dee Loralei:
I’m just a few days away from the 19th anniversary of my dad’s death, and in many ways it is as raw and fresh as it was in February 1995. But it is true (at least in my experience, with both parents) — the first year is the hardest. After that, it’s more poignant and wistful than painful. YMMV, of course — everyone grieves differently, and to their own drummer.
James K. Polk, Esq.
My partner and I took a heaping dose of Fuckitol and quit our jobs to move closer to our families.
Consequently, we decided to double down on irresponsibility and are taking our dream vacation through southeast Asia. We flew into Hanoi on Valentines day, and are spending the day here. I told her this was as good as it was going to get for her as far as V day goes, but she isn’t having it. Jeez…
Anyone have some suggestions for must see in Vietnam?
Jebediah, RBG
@James K. Polk, Esq.:
You could have hooked up with Raven but I think you may have missed him by a few years.
EthylEster
@schrodinger’s cat:
Me neither, bro.
and that’s happening a lot here these days.
Chris whitehead
Perkins and Patton. Nice to see someone take Jack and Suzy Welch to the next level.
Bill in Section 147
@jl: I think he omitted the part where it was a working girl and when she got a load of how freaky she decided to go Galt politely, by assuring him it was her…it wasn’t him.