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You are here: Home / Open Threads / Winter Sports Open Thread

Winter Sports Open Thread

by Anne Laurie|  February 15, 20146:22 pm| 59 Comments

This post is in: Open Threads, Sports

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It’s snowing again here, but the Spousal Unit wants to go out for dinner, if only to the hotel ‘pub’ a mile down the road. In case of accidents, I leave you with Brian Phillips, in Grantland, meditating upon winter sports in general and skeleton in particular:

My favorite thing about the Winter Olympics is the way it generates elaborate performance rituals out of an understanding that cold weather makes you want to fucking die…

Now consider: skeleton, the Olympic sport in which you throw yourself face-first off a mountain.

In the same way that certain styles of dance simulate sex, the Winter Olympics simulates scraping one’s February-chapped nostrils against the surface of a Kleenex whose aloe content is useless and reaching out for the warm escape of death. It’s an art of failed suicide attempts. Think about this. There’s ski jumping, where you launch yourself off a massive ramp toward what I imagine as a rapidly-growing-less-and-less-distant tree line. There’s luge, where you carom down a kilometer-long water slide at 90 mph while lying supine on a bladed Frisbee… People like to talk about how the Olympics is this shining symbol of human unity blah blah, and it’s all true, but only because nothing unites humanity faster than our shared desperation over the almost unbelievable attention to detail with which winter manages to suck…

What does skeleton mean to me? I’ve been a professional skeleton journalist for quite some time now (last Tuesday), so naturally it’s a question I think about. I’ve filled my free time with skeleton videos; I’ve contemplated skeleton during my bleak snow-shoveling season. Among all sports competitions, the Winter Olympics has always had the highest quotient of “Why would anyone even think to try that??” events, but even in this field, skeleton stands out for its fusion of radical danger and senseless awesomeness. The real question might be: What would compel a person to dress up like the Earth’s realest Power Ranger and swan-dive down a frozen track at such screaming speeds that s/he experiences the same g-force as a Formula One driver?

To be a skeleton slider, what you do is, you take a steel-framed sled with metal blades and no steering mechanism. (Repeat: no steering mechanism.) You start at the top of the course. You sprint out on the ice pushing your sled in front of you… Once you have built up enough speed, you hurl yourself prone atop your sled, pinning your arms and legs to your side and stretching yourself out like a human ICBM. There are other things you could compare this shape to, I’m just saying. You can control the sled a little by sort of tilting your head and wiggling your feet, but from this point to the bottom of the track, your strategy is basically just to be the comet in your own imagination. …

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Reader Interactions

59Comments

  1. 1.

    Suffern ACE

    February 15, 2014 at 6:37 pm

    Waiting for the Lego movie. I’m surrounded by children who need to unwind.

  2. 2.

    SiubhanDuinne

    February 15, 2014 at 6:37 pm

    That was a very fine read.

  3. 3.

    raven

    February 15, 2014 at 6:38 pm

    Great hockey win for breakfast and a late afternoon Georgia win over Ole Miss and stinky Marshall Henderson. Now, can the Illini steal one from the Buckeyes?

  4. 4.

    joel hanes

    February 15, 2014 at 6:38 pm

    What a sour bleat.

    Michael Grantland sounds like one of those who in winter add a stylish muffler to the same cotton clothes that they wore in fall, and impotently curse the cold. Someone should buy him some nice silk longjohns, knit or fleece poly layers, an oversize wool shirt, a shell coat, a warm hat, proper boots and bootsocks, decent gloves. .

    Winter is a time of outdoor fun and splendid beauty, if you are dressed for it.

  5. 5.

    Litlebritdiftrnt

    February 15, 2014 at 6:50 pm

    Ever since they added some of the more extreme sports to the winter Olympics I have always thought that these people just came up with more unique ways to kill themselves. I am reminded of various episodes of Top Gear where the hosts are issued more challenges that are really just ways to get them killed. It is quite interesting.

  6. 6.

    Anoniminous

    February 15, 2014 at 6:50 pm

    Our trees are budding out.

    It is freaking February 15 and our trees are budding out.

    Despite what some may think or feel: this is not a good thing.

  7. 7.

    Ash Can

    February 15, 2014 at 6:52 pm

    Good grief, what a whiner.

    ETA: Not you, Anoniminous, the quoted writer.

  8. 8.

    JPL

    February 15, 2014 at 6:54 pm

    OT.. Dunn jury is back. It appears count 1 is at least deadlocked but we will find out soon.

    it’s confusing on whether or not they reached verdict on all counts..

  9. 9.

    Pogonip

    February 15, 2014 at 6:56 pm

    For those who are following it, the loud-music has reached a verdict on 4 of 5 counts but can’t agree on Count 1, the Murder One count. The judge told them to keep working on Count One.

  10. 10.

    JPL

    February 15, 2014 at 6:57 pm

    @Pogonip: The jury is ready to release their verdict

  11. 11.

    Pogonip

    February 15, 2014 at 6:57 pm

    Oops, that should be “the loud-music TRIAL…” etc. I left out a word. Sorry.

  12. 12.

    Ben Cisco (onboard the Defiant)

    February 15, 2014 at 6:57 pm

    Somebody get this guy a paccy already.

  13. 13.

    raven

    February 15, 2014 at 6:59 pm

    Mistrial on one.

  14. 14.

    raven

    February 15, 2014 at 7:00 pm

    Guilty on 2, 3, 4, 5.

  15. 15.

    Anoniminous

    February 15, 2014 at 7:01 pm

    @Ash Can:

    :-)

  16. 16.

    Litlebritdiftrnt

    February 15, 2014 at 7:02 pm

    @raven:

    I am assuming the DAs will retry. I cannot imagine they will not considering the high profile of the case.

  17. 17.

    gnomedad

    February 15, 2014 at 7:03 pm

    On the other hand, Noelle Pikus-Pace’s most severe injury occurred when she was hit by a fucking bobsled.

  18. 18.

    Baud

    February 15, 2014 at 7:03 pm

    @raven:

    Better than nothing, but I hope the state retries on count 1.

  19. 19.

    Litlebritdiftrnt

    February 15, 2014 at 7:03 pm

    @raven:

    Okay so maybe not, perhaps they will take the win and move on.

  20. 20.

    a hip hop artist from Idaho (fka Bella Q)

    February 15, 2014 at 7:04 pm

    @raven: Attempted 2d degree, w/firearm spec (2-4) and the “missile” count. This jury worked really hard.

  21. 21.

    dmsilev

    February 15, 2014 at 7:04 pm

    @raven: A couple of hold-out jurors (one way or the other), I assume?

  22. 22.

    raven

    February 15, 2014 at 7:04 pm

    @dmsilev: I guess it has to be. Where’s all the lawyers?

  23. 23.

    Mnemosyne (iPhone)

    February 15, 2014 at 7:06 pm

    @raven:

    Phew! Even though they deadlocked on Count 1, I feel much better about jurors in Florida now.

  24. 24.

    The Thin Black Duke

    February 15, 2014 at 7:07 pm

    It’s a fucking travesty. What’s worse, I ain’t surprised.

  25. 25.

    raven

    February 15, 2014 at 7:07 pm

    Sorry 2,3,4. My bad.

  26. 26.

    Pogonip

    February 15, 2014 at 7:07 pm

    @joel hanes: The other day I tried to build a snowman for the first time in 25 years. He didn’t turn out well, the snow was too dry, but I enjoyed myself anyway. And I do enjoy it’d and animal tracks. That said–enough already! Make it STOP!

    Speaking of winter fauna, where are the chickadees? Around here it’s like they’ve become extinct, and I doubt my neighbor’s 6 cats are to blame–they’re terrible hunters. One of them was literally knocked aside by a squirrel. (I hate squirrels, and as if the poor cat wasn’t embarrassed enough, there I was yelling “you idiot! He ran right into your hands [well, paws]and you LET HIM GO!”. Later on I felt bad, but at the time all I was thinking was we had a chance to get rid of a $&@@?&!!! squirrel.)

    Matters have now reached the point that the squirrels don’t even bother to run up a tree when the less-than-might hunters are around.)

  27. 27.

    JPL

    February 15, 2014 at 7:09 pm

    @Mnemosyne (iPhone): Not me because it doesn’t make sense. If there were jurors who felt it was self defense then Dunn had a right to shoot. The verdict doesn’t make sense to me. Am I glad that he’s going to jail, yes but he killed Davis and they couldn’t convict him. He killed Davis in cold blood.

    I think it’s a travesty.

  28. 28.

    Mnemosyne (iPhone)

    February 15, 2014 at 7:09 pm

    @The Thin Black Duke:

    I was expecting a full acquittal on all counts, so I’m glad they were willing to convict him of something. I’m pretty sure that he won’t just get probation with no prison time, even in Florida.

  29. 29.

    The Thin Black Duke

    February 15, 2014 at 7:11 pm

    @Mnemosyne (iPhone): He’ll be out of jail in five years. That’s how much Jordan’s life was worth. And then he’ll be a talking head on Fox.

  30. 30.

    Jim, Foolish Literalist

    February 15, 2014 at 7:11 pm

    The Florida jury in the case of Michael Dunn has found him guilty on four charges, including three for second-degree attempted murder.
    But they were unable to reach a verdict on a fifth count of first-degree murder. The judge — who moments before had said that the jury had reached a verdict on all counts — declared a mistrial on this count alone.

    So they were able to decide that he tried to kill the people he didn’t kill, but couldn’t conclude that he was trying to kill the kid he killed? If I remember from the Zimmerman trial, a FL jury can decide for 2nd degree even if the charge is 1st degree?

  31. 31.

    Baud

    February 15, 2014 at 7:11 pm

    @JPL:

    May have been deadlocked on murder 1 or murder 2 or manslaughter our SYG. Many scenarios.

  32. 32.

    Litlebritdiftrnt

    February 15, 2014 at 7:12 pm

    @Pogonip:

    Perhaps I need to introduce you to my cats. They are quite adept at bringing a half devoured squirrel into the house and hiding it. On a regular basis. This has become a serious problem.

  33. 33.

    JPL

    February 15, 2014 at 7:13 pm

    @Baud: I’m still pissed.

  34. 34.

    Mnemosyne (iPhone)

    February 15, 2014 at 7:13 pm

    @JPL:

    I don’t know what Florida law is, IIRC in California Murder One requires premeditation. If that’s also the case in Florida, that may be why the jury had trouble with it. He killed that kid in cold blood, but there isn’t much evidence he set out to kill that particular kid that day.

  35. 35.

    Baud

    February 15, 2014 at 7:14 pm

    Stand Your Ground = Shoot To Kill

  36. 36.

    Mnemosyne (iPhone)

    February 15, 2014 at 7:15 pm

    @The Thin Black Duke:

    But he won’t be walking around free trying to make money off his crime like Zimmerman. I’ll take what I can get.

  37. 37.

    Pogonip

    February 15, 2014 at 7:15 pm

    @Litlebritdiftrnt: Especially for the squirrels! Thank your cats for me anyway.

    Speaking of cats, as is often the case here, today’s Good Morning Kitten (goodmorningkitten.com) has mismatched tabby socks in front; one leg gray, one leg orange. I don’t think I’ve ever seen that before.

  38. 38.

    raven

    February 15, 2014 at 7:15 pm

    @Mnemosyne (iPhone): It would be crazy to wait and finds out.

  39. 39.

    Litlebritdiftrnt

    February 15, 2014 at 7:19 pm

    @Mnemosyne (iPhone):

    Here in NC a jury convicted a kid of premeditated murder because he shot a guy who was attacking his brother with a knife. The jury determined that the two seconds that the kid got the gun out of his car and pulled the trigger was all the premeditation that was needed for a conviction. You never know what a jury is going to do, ever.

  40. 40.

    lahru

    February 15, 2014 at 7:19 pm

    we as a country did not beat Russia today ( hockey ) we outscored them. Sitting here in Lake Placid I have met and talked to many athletes from many countries and they all like coming here to compete and do not come here to beat anyone.

  41. 41.

    The Dangerman

    February 15, 2014 at 7:21 pm

    @The Thin Black Duke:

    He’ll be out of jail in five years.

    He’ll be in jail far longer than 5 years. If maxxed out, he can get 60 years (or, at 47, the rest of his life). If he does get close to max, maybe he’ll plead out on a lesser included and get it over with.

  42. 42.

    The Thin Black Duke

    February 15, 2014 at 7:25 pm

    @The Dangerman: Let’s see. He already skated on Murder One. I think Dunn’s big mistake was driving away. Otherwise he probably would have gotten away with it. The next guy will know better.

  43. 43.

    The Dangerman

    February 15, 2014 at 7:27 pm

    @The Thin Black Duke:

    He already skated on Murder One.

    Not really; he can be retried (and I assume he will be in this high profile case).

  44. 44.

    Soonergrunt

    February 15, 2014 at 7:28 pm

    @The Thin Black Duke: No. According to a couple of lawyers on twitter, it’s a minimum 20 years for each attempted murder charge, cannot be served concurrently. 60 year sentence.

    And I hope they retry on the murder charge.

  45. 45.

    Omnes Omnibus

    February 15, 2014 at 7:31 pm

    @The Thin Black Duke: Not the case.

  46. 46.

    The Dangerman

    February 15, 2014 at 7:32 pm

    @Soonergrunt:

    …it’s a minimum 20 years…

    I read it was 20 years maximum on NBC; could be a flash report issue and the early report was wrong.

  47. 47.

    raven

    February 15, 2014 at 7:34 pm

    We have entered the “you just don’t get it” zone. The CNN announcers besides dumbass Ashley Banfield are with Thin Black Duke.

  48. 48.

    raven

    February 15, 2014 at 7:35 pm

    So Jordan Davis’ mom is grateful for the jury’s understanding.

  49. 49.

    The Thin Black Duke

    February 15, 2014 at 7:37 pm

    @Soonergrunt: Alright, thank you. I’m glad to be mistaken.

  50. 50.

    dmsilev

    February 15, 2014 at 7:41 pm

    @The Dangerman: The NY Times said this:

    The jurors did find Mr. Dunn guilty of three counts of attempted murder for getting out of his car, and firing several times at the Durango sport utility vehicle in which Jordan Davis, 17, was killed but three other teenagers survived. Mr. Dunn continued to fire at the car even as it pulled away. For that crime, Mr. Dunn he could be sentenced to 20 to 60 years in prison.

  51. 51.

    The Dangerman

    February 15, 2014 at 7:42 pm

    Heard an interesting comment that, perhaps, the prosecution won’t go for the max of 20 years for each of the other counts if Dude pleads guilty on Count 1 (presumably, one of the lesser includeds).

    Bottom line, he won’t be a free man again.

  52. 52.

    Pogonip

    February 15, 2014 at 7:44 pm

    You know, I have not received one conservative e-mail trashing the loud-music victim, whereas I received TONS trashing Trayvon Martin. And most of them were quite vicious. But with this other guy–not a peep. That seems odd. One could at least argue that some damn fool blasting earsplitting music is looking for trouble, whereas Martin was inarguably bothering no one when Zimmerman began stalking him. Seems like conservatives would have remained prudently silent about Martin and said this other guy was asking for it, but instead it was the other way around.

    I still get the occasional Trayvon e-mail and they still hate him passionately. They seem to feel death was too good for him.

  53. 53.

    Wag

    February 15, 2014 at 8:01 pm

    The finish on the women’s cross country relay was amazing. With 7 kilometer to go, Finland and Germany were locked in an epic battle for the gold. Sweden was 25 seconds back. By the final kilometer, Sweden had closed the gap. and a three way sprint to the finish comensed, with Sweden pulling ahead for the gold, Finland 0,4 seconds back, and Germany another couple of tents behind in third. Awe inspiring performances by all three teams.

  54. 54.

    Mnemosyne

    February 15, 2014 at 8:03 pm

    @Litlebritdiftrnt:

    Dare I ask the race of the kid involved in NC? Because let’s face it, we all know that’s a huge factor, especially (but not only) in the south.

  55. 55.

    Don K

    February 15, 2014 at 8:18 pm

    @Pogonip:

    In my experience cats stay clear of squirrels. Our recently-deceased cat was an awesome hunter, and never messed with squirrels. It’s as if the first lesson about hunting mama cats impart to their youngsters is “Don’t fuck with the squirrels”.

  56. 56.

    Don K

    February 15, 2014 at 8:21 pm

    @joel hanes:

    I’ll agree about the splendid beauty part, as long as it’s experienced from the comfort of my living room, with a view of the pond we border, cocktail in hand, after a couple of hits of decent weed. Other than that it’s pretty much something to be endured.

  57. 57.

    Steeplejack (tablet)

    February 15, 2014 at 8:40 pm

    I laughed the other day when one of the NBC commenters said his colleague Mary Carillo had described the two-man luge as resembling “a bar bet gone bad.”

  58. 58.

    Pogonip

    February 15, 2014 at 9:05 pm

    @Don K: Do you suppose Little Brit Different’s cats are appropriating squirrels they’d found dead? I’ve had cats who felt about squirrels the same way I do, and cats who seemed to enjoy watching their antics.

  59. 59.

    schiuri

    February 28, 2014 at 11:39 am

    I’ve seen on BBC that soon we will not be able to hold the Olympic games due to the lack of snow.

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