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You are here: Home / Open Threads / Open Thread: Douchecanoes on Parade

Open Thread: Douchecanoes on Parade

by Anne Laurie|  February 24, 20148:12 pm| 72 Comments

This post is in: Open Threads, Republican Stupidity, The War On Women, Assholes, Republican Crime Syndicate - aka the Bush Admin.

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"Host" — isn't that also what they also called the human incubators in the Alien movies? http://t.co/UhRSoqyWYC

— billmon (@billmon1) February 24, 2014

State Senator Steve Martin: “I’m not going to assume a right to kill it just because the child’s host (some refer to them as mothers) doesn’t want it.”

Next in the lineup, George Pee Bush, per Alex Pareene in Salon:

George Prescott Bush, son of Jeb and grandson of George Herbert Walker, is running for Texas land commissioner. Next stop: the White House! As long as he manages to get himself elected land commissioner, that is. It may be tougher than he anticipated, which is to say it may actually require more than simply wanting the job and being named Bush…

… As Texas Monthly’s Paul Burka pointed out, Bush committed to running for land commissioner primarily because it seemed “the path of least resistance.” He filed his papers to run for office well before finally deciding on which one, making it all the more obvious that he was just searching for the easiest possible route to bigger things….

But the lengths to which Bush is going to avoid saying anything interesting might be a slight sign of concern about his political ability. Sometimes a successful political scion seems like exactly the sort of person who should run for office right up until they do so and then open their mouths, revealing themselves to be idiots, completely unable to articulate reasons for existing at all, let alone reasons for anyone to vote for them. Bush’s strategy seems to mainly involve not allowing anyone to give him the opportunity to embarrass himself by having to speak extemporaneously or answer difficult questions about policy or Republican politics. Not that I’m saying George P. Bush is secretly an idiot! He just might be, and he seems intent on maintaining the mystery…

Of course, Sean “Ten Million Dollar LotR Wedding” Parker, Admiral of the Douche Flotilla, is not about to let his throne be usurped. What he lacks in (overt) political content he makes up in choice of opponent, deciding to take both ValleyWag and the NYPost to task. Per NYMag:

In an email rant to the New York Post, Parker compared Gawker Media/Valleywag publisher Nick Denton to “Joseph Goebbels’ annoying little shitzu [sic]” and then reused the ill-advised metaphor to hit “Page Six”:

“You’re always going to be less irritating and unfortunately much, much easier to sue since you don’t have the luxury of operating your super-villain lair out of some tin pot banana republic like the Cayman Islands. [Gawker recently responded to a suit from Quentin Tarantino claiming the company was based in the Cayman Islands.] When compared to the ferocity of Goebbels’ fleet of diminutive attack dogs, Page Six is now the slow, soft, fluffy, methodical and even sometimes — wait for it — accurate NY gossip rag. If Denton is Goebbels’ shitzu [sic], then that makes you Murdoch’s dobermin [sic] pincher [sic], politely sleeping by the fire for most of the day and only occasionally waking up to bark when the doorbell rings.”…

***********
Apart from being grateful that we’re not notorious public idiots, what’s on the agenda for the evening?

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72Comments

  1. 1.

    Baud

    February 24, 2014 at 8:20 pm

    State Senator Steve Martin: “I’m not going to assume a right to kill it just because the child’s host (some refer to them as mothers) doesn’t want it.”

    So can we call him The Jerk?

  2. 2.

    greennotGreen

    February 24, 2014 at 8:21 pm

    You know what else has hosts? Parasites. I wonder how healthy it is for a child to be hated even in the womb. I wish that all children could be born wanted, loved, and as healthy as possible, even if that means that I, a childless woman past child-bearing years, have to pay more taxes for birth control and prenatal care. I’m sorry Republicans don’t share that vision.

  3. 3.

    jenn

    February 24, 2014 at 8:27 pm

    As another example of douchecanoes, may I present the Arizona Republicans who just voted for that craptastic discrimination bill, and are now asking Brewer to veto the legislation that they just passed! Why didn’t you just vote ‘no’ a few days ago?!

  4. 4.

    Gex

    February 24, 2014 at 8:28 pm

    They spend so much time blowing smoke about families and mothers. This will really make moms feel good – to be called hosts. And we’re still in the outreach phase where the GOP is trying to reach demographics other than old white men are we? Wow, they are shitty at outreach.

    The thing that’s pissing me off tonight is that I stream Netflix over a provider that degrades service for streaming, yet I pay the same rates as Netflix customers who just got guaranteed better service thanks to Netflix using some of my money to pay off Comcast. Are they going to pay off all ISPs or are they going to offer discounts to people who they relegate to second class customer status?

  5. 5.

    Brother Shotgun of Sweet Reason

    February 24, 2014 at 8:28 pm

    I’m quite grateful not to be a notorious public idiot. It’s tough enough being a private idiot, which will be the end state for all of us. As a college friend said: “The more I learn, the less I know. It’s good to know that total ignorance is a convenient lower bound.”

  6. 6.

    Roger Moore

    February 24, 2014 at 8:29 pm

    Not that I’m saying George P. Bush is secretly an idiot! He just might be, and he seems intent on maintaining the mystery…

    “It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak up and remove all doubt.” –variously attributed

    A fool and his money are soon parted elected.

  7. 7.

    Jim, Foolish Literalist

    February 24, 2014 at 8:29 pm

    outreach and coamalition building

    A Republican Senate candidate argued to The Dallas Morning News editorial board earlier this month that ranchers in Texas should be allowed to shoot “wetbacks” trying to cross the border illegally.
    The candidate, Chris Mapp, who is running in the Republican primary against Sen. John Cornyn (R-TX), also called President Barack Obama “a socialist son of a bitch,” according to the Morning News editorial board.
    In a separate interview with the San Antonio Express-News on Friday, Mapp defended his remarks saying wetback is as “normal as breathing air in South Texas

  8. 8.

    Roger Moore

    February 24, 2014 at 8:30 pm

    @jenn:

    Why didn’t you just vote ‘no’ a few days ago?!

    They want the bill dead, but they don’t want their fingerprints on the murder weapon.

  9. 9.

    Thoughtcrime

    February 24, 2014 at 8:30 pm

    @Baud:

    …call him Shithead.

  10. 10.

    Ruckus

    February 24, 2014 at 8:31 pm

    @jenn:
    You know of course that they did this to take advantage of their stupid base. They get credit for the bill, the gov gets the (dis)credit for vetoing. They probably don’t expect the conservative press to report their idiotic process.

  11. 11.

    Mnemosyne

    February 24, 2014 at 8:32 pm

    @greennotGreen:

    You know what else has hosts? Parasites.

    Now I’m wondering if he’s trying to parallel an argument that I’ve seen on the pro-choice side since I have heard people say that an unwanted embryo is basically a parasite. Like, Hah, if you consider that embryo a parasite, that just makes you the host, how you like me now?

    Might be giving him credit for too much cleverness, though.

  12. 12.

    WaterGirl

    February 24, 2014 at 8:32 pm

    @Baud: hahahaha

  13. 13.

    Mike in NC

    February 24, 2014 at 8:33 pm

    They still can’t get over Cooch losing, can they?

  14. 14.

    Mnemosyne

    February 24, 2014 at 8:34 pm

    @jenn:

    Apparently, the same thing happened in Kansas as the Chamber of Commerce went, Oh, shit, we’ll have to pay employees to not do their jobs if they have a conscience claim! Kill the bill! Kill the bill!

  15. 15.

    Baud

    February 24, 2014 at 8:37 pm

    @Thoughtcrime:

    …call him Shithead.

    A hostfucker.

  16. 16.

    Litlebritdiftrnt

    February 24, 2014 at 8:39 pm

    As Imani tweeted earlier in the day if the woman is a host does that make the fetus a parasite? Like a tape worm? In which point the woman has every right to rid her body of the “parasite”, methinks these people are not thinking these stupid statements through.

    At what point does every right thinking woman on the planet tell the Republican Party to go fuck itself? Because if you are going to tell me that my entire purpose in life is to incubate a parasite then, you know, I might just tell you that you are never going to get my vote, period.

  17. 17.

    WereBear

    February 24, 2014 at 8:40 pm

    So they are just like the Catholic Church? Once a woman becomes pregnant, the future child supercedes her?

  18. 18.

    SiubhanDuinne

    February 24, 2014 at 8:42 pm

    @Jim, Foolish Literalist:

    Most of the outrage I’ve seen regarding this story has to do with Mapp’s use of the derogatory term “wetbacks.”

    While that is fully reprehensible, I can’t help noticing that he’s calling for the wholesale murder of a specific ethnic group. Where I come from, that’s called “genocide.”

  19. 19.

    NotMax

    February 24, 2014 at 8:42 pm

    Once again (and brickbats to you, Mr. Pareene, for swallowing the bushwa – pun intended), it is George P. G. Bush.

    Would you refer to ‘Poppy’ as George H. Bush? I think not.

    Compare, for example, the Wikipedia page today to it a year ago (before he filed an intention to run) to confirm the whitewashing (term chosen deliberately), including even the alteration of his name at birth.

    What does it say about someone that he is eager and willing to be party to deceit about his own name (and by extension, its connection to his heritage)?

  20. 20.

    Baud

    February 24, 2014 at 8:43 pm

    @WereBear:

    Invasion of the Body Snatchers is not just a movie — it’s GOP dogma.

  21. 21.

    Jim, Foolish Literalist

    February 24, 2014 at 8:44 pm

    Sam Stein ‏@ samsteinhp 3h
    GOP lobbyist says he will have 36 House and 5 Senate supporters of his bill banning gays in the NFL

    http://www.salon.com/2014/02/24/republican_lobbyist_is_drafting_legislation_to_ban_gay_athletes_from_the_nfl/

  22. 22.

    NotMax

    February 24, 2014 at 8:44 pm

    Correction, and my error above – he did file his intention to run before the page was altered.

  23. 23.

    IowaOldLady

    February 24, 2014 at 8:46 pm

    Just got email that I’ve won another award for writing I did as an academic. That’s nice, though really it should have gone to someone who’d benefit by being able to show it to their university and get something for it. Why won’t anyone send me nice news about my fiction?

  24. 24.

    LanceThruster

    February 24, 2014 at 8:48 pm

    I guess sperm gestation bins was too long.

  25. 25.

    Thoughtcrime

    February 24, 2014 at 8:48 pm

    @Mnemosyne:

    Hah, if you consider that embryo a parasite, that just makes you the host, how you like me now?

    Great singles bar opening line.

  26. 26.

    Baud

    February 24, 2014 at 8:48 pm

    @Jim, Foolish Literalist:

    Please let that happen.

  27. 27.

    WereBear

    February 24, 2014 at 8:51 pm

    @IowaOldLady: Congrats!

    It seems to be our fates sometimes. Barbra Streisand wanted to be a feted actress. Johnny Depp dreamed of being a rock star. Richard Nixon wanted to known as a man of peace.

  28. 28.

    WereBear

    February 24, 2014 at 8:52 pm

    @LanceThruster: in a just world, he would never find a woman willing to sleep with him ever again.

  29. 29.

    Jim, Foolish Literalist

    February 24, 2014 at 8:52 pm

    @Baud: I’m trying to guess the five: Cruz, Cornyn, Vitter, Lee and… Tim Scott? Rubio? one of the WY or ID non-entitites?

  30. 30.

    Baud

    February 24, 2014 at 8:54 pm

    @Jim, Foolish Literalist:

    I don’t know. So many wackos to choose from.

  31. 31.

    IowaOldLady

    February 24, 2014 at 8:55 pm

    @WereBear: That’s true, and I’ve been lucky in my academic life. Lucky in general, I think I’d say.

    Thanks for the good wishes.

  32. 32.

    p.a.

    February 24, 2014 at 8:55 pm

    @Baud: too mild. He’s a hostfucker.

  33. 33.

    MikeJ

    February 24, 2014 at 8:57 pm

    @Jim, Foolish Literalist: The DC madam, in whose logbook his telephone number was found?

    Nah, madams are a lot more tolerant.

  34. 34.

    NotMax

    February 24, 2014 at 8:58 pm

    @Jim, Foolish Literalist

    Nanny state! Too much regulation! Keep big government’s hands out of busin –  -  -

    Look! Over there! Gayzzzzzz!

  35. 35.

    Garbo

    February 24, 2014 at 9:02 pm

    They seem to be reading The Handmaid’s Tale as an instruction manual.

    I think we can “thank” folks like Ted Nugent for removing the barriers to speaking their minds. Legitimate rape, hosts, wetbacks, mongrels…yeah, that’s what we thought you thought.

  36. 36.

    WereBear

    February 24, 2014 at 9:06 pm

    @Garbo: I think we can “thank” folks like Ted Nugent for removing the barriers to speaking their minds.

    If so, Ted has actually performed a public service. Truly, the Force works in unexpected ways.

  37. 37.

    p.a.

    February 24, 2014 at 9:07 pm

    @Litlebritdiftrnt: Actually, in some ways it can be thought of that way. Saw a PBS (Nova maybe?) that explained that there is a chemical struggle between fetus and mother. One very serious prenatal condition occurs when the fetus overwhelms the mother’s defenses and causes dangerously high blood pressure. The fetus is trying to chemically ensure adequate nutrition by increasing the, well, host’s bp. The mother has her own defenses to maintain a healthy equilibrium, but sometimes they are overwhelmed. Forget the name of the syndrome and can’t remember anything about the exact chemical processes.

  38. 38.

    dmhlt

    February 24, 2014 at 9:07 pm

    Steve Martin: “I’m not going to assume a right to kill it just because the child’s host (some refer to them as mothers) doesn’t want it.”

    Where’s the banjo and arrow through his head?
    Steve Martin was obviously a LOT funnier in his earlier years.

  39. 39.

    PopeRatzo

    February 24, 2014 at 9:10 pm

    Since we’re nominating douchecanoes, is it acceptable to include the NSA official who came up with “The 4D’s, Deny/Disrupt/Degrade/Deceive”?

    https://firstlook.org/theintercept/2014/02/24/jtrig-manipulation/

    Or is it tacky not to wait until there’s a Republican in the White House?

    From the article:

    The title page of one of these documents reflects the agency’s own awareness that it is “pushing the boundaries” by using “cyber offensive” techniques against people who have nothing to do with terrorism or national security threats, and indeed, centrally involves law enforcement agents who investigate ordinary crimes

  40. 40.

    Pogonip

    February 24, 2014 at 9:17 pm

    I recently read that the average American produces 410 pounds of poop per year. Our politicians really are full of $hit.

  41. 41.

    Roger Moore

    February 24, 2014 at 9:19 pm

    @Litlebritdiftrnt:

    At what point does every right thinking woman on the planet tell the Republican Party to go fuck itself?

    At some point, you just have to conclude that the ones who still vote Republican aren’t right-thinking. And do remember that there are plenty of women who are past child-bearing age who are more than happy to make life as miserable for today’s women as it was for them. “I had to put up with crap, so everyone else should have to,” is an awful philosophy, but it’s a sadly popular one.

  42. 42.

    PurpleGirl

    February 24, 2014 at 9:23 pm

    @greennotGreen: This. My first thought was host… parasite. I agree with your whole comment completely.

  43. 43.

    steverino

    February 24, 2014 at 9:23 pm

    State Senator Steve Martin: “I’m not going to assume a right to kill it just because the child’s host (some refer to them as mothers) doesn’t want it.”

    Not to defend the sentiment, but looking at the whole quote from the link I think he’s trying to snark: You pro-choicers look on the fetus as a bunch of cells and so depersonalize the procedure that you may well call the parent a “host”, but some people (like me, S. Martin) call them “mothers.”

  44. 44.

    Richard Grant

    February 24, 2014 at 9:24 pm

    “Mom? I just felt like calling. Thank you for being my gestational host.”

  45. 45.

    Baud

    February 24, 2014 at 9:31 pm

    @PopeRatzo:

    Or is it tacky not to wait until there’s a Republican in the White House?

    Don’t wait. No one is going to care about this issue if there is a Republican in the White House.

  46. 46.

    NotMax

    February 24, 2014 at 9:33 pm

    @Roger Moore

    Also too, the yet remaining institutionalization in some (thankfully fewer) quarters of a retrograde, parochial mindset as shown in Giant.

    “We’re talking about politics […] This is men’s stuff.”

  47. 47.

    The Dangerman

    February 24, 2014 at 9:38 pm

    Could be worse than hosts; could have called them client servers.

  48. 48.

    jl

    February 24, 2014 at 9:40 pm

    @steverino:

    It is difficult to know what the man meant by what he said.

    I think the quote illustrates an attempt at ironic sarcasm, except that the point is not clear to the listener, at least not to me. But the speaker sneeringly spits it out as if it the point were necessarily and blindingly obvious. This phenomenon is seen in several places and span ideological boundaries. I remember a lot of it from maladjusted high school students, opinion pieces in college newspapers, and it may even occur in blog comments.

    So, I guess this Martin guy thinks he knows what the point and meaning is, but I don’t. I wonder whether he think the pregnant woman is the host, or he accusing a person like me of thinking the woman is the host. But it makes no sense for me to think that, unless he means to imply that anyone who is not fanatically anti-abortion thinks of the fetus as a parasite. But who thinks of the fetus as a parasite.

    And what does anyone care whether this Martin assumes the right to do anything? I someone trying to force him to become pregnant or an abortionist, or both?

    So, I don’t get it, but maybe I am slow.

    Anyway, is there a single word or phrase that summarizes that kind of misfired zinger? Sophomoric is too broad.

  49. 49.

    Roger Moore

    February 24, 2014 at 9:40 pm

    @WereBear:
    When I was a small boy in Kansas, a friend of mine and I went fishing and as we sat there in the warmth of the summer afternoon on a river bank, we talked about what we wanted to do when we grew up. I told him that I wanted to be a real major league baseball player, a genuine professional like Honus Wagner. My friend said that he’d like to be president of the United States. Neither of us got our wish. –Dwight Eisenhower

  50. 50.

    Shana

    February 24, 2014 at 9:41 pm

    @dmhlt: The good Steve Martin occasionally comments over at Charlie Pierce’s blog. Can’t wait to see his comment if/when Charlie writes about this.

  51. 51.

    Betsy

    February 24, 2014 at 9:44 pm

    Dipshit Bobby Jindal erupts at White House
    (volcano pun intended)
    http://www.wral.com/obama-looks-to-governors-for-help-with-economy/13422561/

  52. 52.

    ranchandsyrup

    February 24, 2014 at 9:45 pm

    Packing for trip to Austin for some legislative shenanigans. I’m hitting up Franklin BBQ with some Austin buddies. EXCITED.

  53. 53.

    jl

    February 24, 2014 at 9:47 pm

    @PopeRatzo:

    ‘ Since we’re nominating douchecanoes, is it acceptable to include the NSA official who came up with “The 4D’s, Deny/Disrupt/Degrade/Deceive”? ‘

    Did the feds ever do this? Was BJ blog an object of their attention? If so, did it work and has this blog been neutralized? Or did we retire several waves of trolls into psychotherapy and mental institutions?

  54. 54.

    NotMax

    February 24, 2014 at 9:51 pm

    @The Dangerman

    Could be worse than hosts; could have called them client servers.

    Or worse yet, used the characterization of womb squatter’s rights. “Possession is 9/10 of the law.”

  55. 55.

    jl

    February 24, 2014 at 9:51 pm

    @Betsy: Sounds like they bipartisan happy family time took a turn for the worse. Ukrainian schizmati’tude crosses the pond, just for one joyful few moments.

  56. 56.

    Jim, Foolish Literalist

    February 24, 2014 at 9:53 pm

    @Betsy: was it six, eight months ago that Jindal’s path to the White House was being the Reasonable Republican, telling his fellow travelers they had to stop being the “stupid party”. Now he’s going full metal Palin? Good luck, Bobby.

  57. 57.

    Anne Laurie

    February 24, 2014 at 9:53 pm

    @steverino: Snark, there’s another dangerous tool that should be kept out of the hands of clumsy idiots — if only for the protection of innocent bystanders!

  58. 58.

    Mnemosyne

    February 24, 2014 at 10:00 pm

    @jl:

    There’s always some douchecanoe who has to try and draw our attention away from the Republicans. Because a woman’s right to abortion has nothing to do with privacy, don’t’cha know, so we all have to redirect our attention to the real privacy violations suffered by dudebros.

  59. 59.

    Omnes Omnibus

    February 24, 2014 at 10:07 pm

    @PopeRatzo: I am not sure whether the party affiliation of the US president matters all that much to a British program.

  60. 60.

    PurpleGirl

    February 24, 2014 at 10:14 pm

    @p.a.: Do you mean eclampsia? That is a problem for the mother involving gestational high blood pressure. It can and has killed women (which, of course, means the fetus dies too)..

  61. 61.

    Garbo

    February 24, 2014 at 10:24 pm

    @PurpleGirl: Not if she can be kept alive on a respirator. That way she shuts her yap and does what she was made to do.

  62. 62.

    Ken

    February 24, 2014 at 10:34 pm

    @Jim, Foolish Literalist:

    GOP lobbyist says he will have 36 House and 5 Senate supporters of his bill banning gays in the NFL

    Can’t be a question of morality, since every year people make full fantasy teams using only NFL players who’ve been convicted of felonies in the past twelve months.

  63. 63.

    Suffern ACE

    February 24, 2014 at 10:37 pm

    So they’re running on Abortion, the Mexican peril, and Obamascare again, just like 2010. Gosh, I hope someone pulls out “Ground Zero Mosque”. Then I can relive 2010 – Only this time, I don’t have to wait until May! Yay!

  64. 64.

    Suffern ACE

    February 24, 2014 at 10:41 pm

    @Jim, Foolish Literalist: @Ken: Who the hell is this guy? And who is paying him? If he’s lobbying “for free”, and he can only muster 5 votes in the Senate, who in their right mind would hire that douche to lobby for them?

  65. 65.

    J R in WV

    February 24, 2014 at 11:08 pm

    These guys seem so transparent to me, and the rest of us here on the BJ blog. I just am taken aback at how they aren’t shouted down at every appearance by the women in the crowd!

    How come any woman puts up with this kind of thing? Can they possibly believe that the Rs don’t mean to attack their own privacy and control over their own body?

    Because it’s pretty obvious to me that they fully intend to shut all women into a little child-bearing box and keep them there.

  66. 66.

    Manyakitty

    February 24, 2014 at 11:12 pm

    @WereBear: @WaterGirl: Since this is an open thread, I thought I’d share a small victory with you. As you recall, I’ve been working on this operant conditioning program with my cats. I started it just over a week ago.
    -I play a triangle before I feed them. They’ve been hiding at the sound. Tonight, I stacked some metal pans and I guess it made a similar sound. Within seconds, all three were gathered around the food bowl. Of course, they got treats. Progress!!!!

  67. 67.

    Manyakitty

    February 24, 2014 at 11:15 pm

    @IowaOldLady: Congrats! It’s still a success, and evidence of your flexibility as a writer.

  68. 68.

    mclaren

    February 25, 2014 at 12:17 am

    This state senator must be made of Copper, Nitrogen, Terbium and Silver.

    Cu N Tb Ag

  69. 69.

    MJ

    February 25, 2014 at 1:07 am

    @Jim, Foolish Literalist:

    This same lobbyist was also a client of the D.C. Madam, so apparently his morals aren’t super-tight. His bill will never pass, but the fact that Republicans can commit all sorts of asshattery and illegal acts and never pay any price for it is getting ridiculous.

  70. 70.

    AxelFoley

    February 25, 2014 at 4:14 am

    @Garbo:

    Garbo Talks!

    Sorry, I had to. ;)

  71. 71.

    Uncle Cosmo

    February 25, 2014 at 8:06 am

    @Jim, Foolish Literalist:”In a separate interview with the San Antonio Express-News on Friday, Mapp defended his remarks saying wetback is as “normal as breathing air in South Texas.”

    Look at the bright side here–if a border town like El Paso ever gets an NFL franchise, the nickname (far-)writes itself…

    And BTW & FTR, “Admiral of the Douche Flotilla” is at least one rank too high for Sean Parker. Commodore is more like it…emphasis on the “commode” part…

  72. 72.

    bjacques

    February 25, 2014 at 9:51 am

    George P.G. Bush looks like Saif al-Islam Gaddafi.

    You can bring this young man’s political career to a mercifully swift end, or you can turn the page.

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