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You are here: Home / Open Threads / Open Thread: Is It April 1st Already?

Open Thread: Is It April 1st Already?

by Anne Laurie|  February 25, 20149:21 pm| 91 Comments

This post is in: Open Threads, Clown Shoes

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According to NYMag:

Hipster Beard Transplants Are at Least Kind of a Thing… DNAinfo reports that facial hair transplants are hot right now among young, stylish men, who pay up to $7,000 to enhance their visible manhood. “Whether you are talking about the Brooklyn hipster or the advertising executive, the look is definitely to have a bit of facial hair,” said one plastic surgeon, who says he averages three beard implants a week….

Truly, we live in an age where all things are risible possible.

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Reader Interactions

91Comments

  1. 1.

    raven

    February 25, 2014 at 9:21 pm

    Sheeeeeet.

  2. 2.

    raven

    February 25, 2014 at 9:23 pm

    This is a beard!

  3. 3.

    Baud

    February 25, 2014 at 9:24 pm

    I wonder how much they charge to transplant other forms of hair.

  4. 4.

    MikeJ

    February 25, 2014 at 9:24 pm

    @raven: This is a bee-ard.

  5. 5.

    raven

    February 25, 2014 at 9:25 pm

    @MikeJ: Ha!

  6. 6.

    different-church-lady

    February 25, 2014 at 9:29 pm

    Kimmel prank.

    It’s gotta be…

  7. 7.

    raven

    February 25, 2014 at 9:30 pm

    Former Vice President Dick Cheney (R) took a hit at President Barack Obama on Monday, saying he favors food stamps over a strong military.

    During an interview on Fox News’ “Hannity,” Cheney criticized a proposal put forth by Defense Secretary Chuck Hagel on Monday that called for shrinking the Army to its smallest size in 74 years, closing bases and reshaping forces. The former vice president called the cuts “just devastating.”

  8. 8.

    Citizen Alan

    February 25, 2014 at 9:30 pm

    Leave it to hipsters to find something that is simultaneously the exact opposite of manscaping AND 100% as douchey.

  9. 9.

    kindness

    February 25, 2014 at 9:31 pm

    Truly, we live in an age where all things are risible possible.

    Yea that or we live in an age where shallow folk have way too much money.

  10. 10.

    jl

    February 25, 2014 at 9:31 pm

    How much thatch must a soul patch hatch for soul patch to match hash patch thatch?

  11. 11.

    Citizen Alan

    February 25, 2014 at 9:33 pm

    @raven:

    I swear when Dick Cheney finally dies, I’m hanging his obit on my bed so that every morning I am reminded that he is dead and burning in hell.

  12. 12.

    schrodinger's cat

    February 25, 2014 at 9:33 pm

    Why can’t they just grow a beard. This seems like a spoof.

  13. 13.

    LeftCoastTom

    February 25, 2014 at 9:34 pm

    Awesome. Being lazy about shaving can make me periodically fashionable.

  14. 14.

    NotMax

    February 25, 2014 at 9:34 pm

    Got to look better than those cheesy phony beards that used to advertise in the back of High Times, Rolling Stone, certain “men’s magazines” and other publications with low-cost ad rates.

    Actual ads: #1 – #2

  15. 15.

    kc

    February 25, 2014 at 9:38 pm

    Get the fuck out . . .

  16. 16.

    raven

    February 25, 2014 at 9:39 pm

    @LeftCoastTom: I’ve had a beard for 40 years, nothing lazy about it.

  17. 17.

    mai naem

    February 25, 2014 at 9:40 pm

    @Citizen Alan: Even the devil does not want Dick Cheney in hell. The devil’s decided that since Americans voted the maroon in several times, we deserve to have him sit in this country costing us millions of dollars and generally irritating the hell out of us.

  18. 18.

    raven

    February 25, 2014 at 9:40 pm

    @NotMax: The HT’s guys are my homeboys.

  19. 19.

    LeftCoastTom

    February 25, 2014 at 9:41 pm

    @raven: It is for me because I don’t intend to have a beard but sometimes get lazy…

  20. 20.

    Ruckus

    February 25, 2014 at 9:41 pm

    @LeftCoastTom:
    Not sure it ever makes us fashionable but it can prove that we are either lazy or just hate shaving.

    Or both.

  21. 21.

    dmsilev

    February 25, 2014 at 9:44 pm

    @raven: As one of the commenters over at LG&M put it, vampires aren’t good at self-relfection.

  22. 22.

    Ruckus

    February 25, 2014 at 9:44 pm

    @raven:
    40 yrs here as well. Except for the two days 20 yrs ago that I went temporally insane.

  23. 23.

    Geoduck

    February 25, 2014 at 9:44 pm

    Lazy and no shaving is why I grew mine twenty+ years ago. Whack it back once a month with the scissors and you’re good to go.

  24. 24.

    IowaOldLady

    February 25, 2014 at 9:45 pm

    Surely no one takes Dick Chaney seriously. They just let him snarl in public out of habit.

  25. 25.

    Culture of Truth

    February 25, 2014 at 9:46 pm

    why?

  26. 26.

    schrodinger's cat

    February 25, 2014 at 9:46 pm

    Open thread needs kitteh.

  27. 27.

    Ruckus

    February 25, 2014 at 9:47 pm

    @raven:
    Does he think he’s ever going to be able to wage another stupid fucking war to pad his wallet? Or is he just clinically insane?

  28. 28.

    NotMax

    February 25, 2014 at 9:47 pm

    @Ruckus – @raven

    Don’t have one 100% of the time (sometimes shave it off temporarily when temps are really hot for an extended period), but attacking my face with a sharp object first thing in the morning has never even made an appearance on any list of things I prefer to do.

  29. 29.

    beltane

    February 25, 2014 at 9:47 pm

    @NotMax: I like the Van Dyke/mustache combo, just needs a pitchfork and pair of horns to complete the look.

  30. 30.

    Bob

    February 25, 2014 at 9:48 pm

    So, Sullivan is posting here?

  31. 31.

    Anne Laurie

    February 25, 2014 at 9:48 pm

    @Ruckus: Or somewhat lacking in the chin department. Didn’t meet my Spousal Unit until he’d grown out his beard, but his adolescent photos are… not so attractive.

  32. 32.

    raven

    February 25, 2014 at 9:49 pm

    @NotMax: I’m down to a shaved head and goat these days, not like the shot above!

  33. 33.

    mainmata

    February 25, 2014 at 9:50 pm

    I think it is the worldwide influence of Al Quaeda and the Taliban. The hipsters are just being post-Modern Islamists. ;)

  34. 34.

    jl

    February 25, 2014 at 9:50 pm

    Maybe I’m too old to understand what is hip. But around SF Bay these dang young hipster kids have soul patches and stubble. Sometimes cheesy little mustaches.

    So, my question is, if your face-do needs that much hair, can it really be hip?

    From what I see running around these parts in their weird little hats, skinny slacks and jeans, and weird hung-out square-tailed goofy little shirts with retro colors and patterns, the answer is No.

    What is the name of those weird little narrow brimmed hats those kind of hipsters wear? They are narrow brimmed fedoras, right? Or, wrong?

  35. 35.

    Gin & Tonic

    February 25, 2014 at 9:50 pm

    For those of you middle-aged or later, who sometimes in the wee small hours ponder “what have I done with my life?” I give you Kevin Theis, who has devoted a career to analyzing the smells produced by the anal glands of hyenas. https://www.msu.edu/~theiskev/KevinTheis_Research.html

  36. 36.

    Howard Beale IV

    February 25, 2014 at 9:52 pm

    Too bad Cheney never caught AIDS in any of his blood transfusions.

    Now that would have been just deserts.

    Let it be known-if you ever see Dick Cheny in a life-threatening situation, your own life is paramount.

    Walk away. . .

  37. 37.

    jl

    February 25, 2014 at 9:53 pm

    @Gin & Tonic: But has this guy ever tried to shave a hyena’s ass?

  38. 38.

    raven

    February 25, 2014 at 9:53 pm

    @Gin & Tonic: And one of my old man’s favorite sayings was “you can’t look up a dead horses ass’!

  39. 39.

    Anne Laurie

    February 25, 2014 at 9:53 pm

    @Ruckus: It’s a legacy thing for Cheney. Both his kids are in that nebulous “lobbyist/development/consultant” DC business where a new war, rich with contracts to buy supplies and peddle justifications, is like hitting a new vein in an old carcass mine.

    Not to mention, the sooner “we” get involved in a new clusterfvck, the sooner the average voter forgets just how badly the Cheney Regency handled its military adventures.

  40. 40.

    Gin & Tonic

    February 25, 2014 at 9:54 pm

    @jl: They could be pork-pie hats, which may have been cool when worn by Lester Young, but are more likely to be Trilbys.

  41. 41.

    jeffreyw

    February 25, 2014 at 9:57 pm

    @schrodinger’s cat: You can haz story but not scary! OK?

  42. 42.

    schrodinger's cat

    February 25, 2014 at 9:58 pm

    @jeffreyw: Is she afraid that you are going to use her in one of your recipes? Please not to be eating kittehs, they is friends not fud.

  43. 43.

    jl

    February 25, 2014 at 9:58 pm

    @Gin & Tonic: Thanks. You are right, they are narrow brimmed pork pie hats and trilby hats.

  44. 44.

    Redshift

    February 25, 2014 at 10:00 pm

    Michelle Obama is going to be presenting the new design for food nutritional labeling. With any luck, this will cause wingnuts to boycott food.

  45. 45.

    Comrade Dread

    February 25, 2014 at 10:01 pm

    If it’s any comfort, in about 40 years, when there are no fish, no coral, the Southwest is a desert hellscape, Miami and possibly parts of the Eastern seaboard are underwater, and famine and mass extinction are throughout the land, most people who waste money on stuff like this will probably be turned into Soylent Green.

  46. 46.

    jl

    February 25, 2014 at 10:01 pm

    @raven:

    “you can’t look up a dead horses ass”

    Does that mean something, or does it just sound cool in certain situations?

  47. 47.

    NotMax

    February 25, 2014 at 10:01 pm

    @Gin & Tonic

    First paragraph of an Onion-esque article:

    In a tragic faux pas, a janitor equipped with a bottle of Febreze has wiped out decades of work for one scientist. “Hey, stuff happens,” said Delbert Svensen. “Anything that smells funny gets a spritz.”

  48. 48.

    dmsilev

    February 25, 2014 at 10:03 pm

    @Redshift: I’m still holding out hope for the “Don’t drink bleach or lick power sockets” public awareness campaign.

  49. 49.

    p.a.

    February 25, 2014 at 10:04 pm

    @Ruckus: He gets cranky when he needs a changing.

  50. 50.

    Redshift

    February 25, 2014 at 10:07 pm

    @raven: And, as Steve Benen pointed out, the proposed spending is higher than the sequester levels mandated by the his own party, about which there wasn’t a peep from Cheney.

  51. 51.

    Mnemosyne (iPad Mini)

    February 25, 2014 at 10:09 pm

    Can’t decide if I’m depressed about my boss’s retirement or fighting off a migraine. Could be both at this point.

  52. 52.

    lamh36

    February 25, 2014 at 10:09 pm

    @nbcnightlynews 1m
    Pres. Obama orders Pentagon to prepare for a possible complete withdrawal from Afghanistan. @JimMiklaszewski reports: http://nbcnews.to/1fp9Uiu

  53. 53.

    NotMax

    February 25, 2014 at 10:10 pm

    @raven

    A particularly pungent memory was created years and years ago when one of an acquaintance’s horses died, she wasn’t quite sure how to handle it, and kept dithering.

    Eventually she asked a group of us to help out. We dug a deep hole, but when it came time to roll the carcass into the pit, the body was, shall we say, rather bloated and burst open upon hitting bottom.

  54. 54.

    p.a.

    February 25, 2014 at 10:10 pm

    I found a beard was more trouble than a clean shave. Keeping clean lines was a pain. I went mountain man in the winter, but otherwise kept it neat. Never made it past June, and would start again in September.

  55. 55.

    Rhubarb

    February 25, 2014 at 10:23 pm

    I think that those hats used to be called “stingybrims.”

  56. 56.

    Amir Khalid

    February 25, 2014 at 10:25 pm

    I have found I rather like having a beard, now that I’m past the stage, a couple of weeks into the process, when my chin felt kind of itchy. And also, as long as I keep it pretty short, not that much longer than stubble.

    I can’t imagine why a man would need or want hair implants on his chin. (Or on his scalp, for that matter; I never even think about the slow and steady hair loss I’ve gone through there for the past 20 years or so.) Many men never manage more than a tuft on the chin and a soul patch, and they are glad because there’s less to shave in the morning.

  57. 57.

    NotMax

    February 25, 2014 at 10:27 pm

    @Mnemosyne

    If it is a true migraine, might try a trick learned from a Guaraní witch doctor (for lack of a better term) in Paraguay over 50 years ago. Not a cure, but have often found it does tamp down and alleviate the worst symptoms.

    Peel a clove of fresh garlic and slice it in half lengthwise. Lie supine and gently press and hold one piece in place (the cut side against the skin) just above the eyebrow on the same side of the head as the migraine.

  58. 58.

    rikyrah

    February 25, 2014 at 10:34 pm

    This is crazy.

  59. 59.

    SiubhanDuinne

    February 25, 2014 at 10:35 pm

    @NotMax:

    I used lemon-scented Febreze in my bathroom. Now it smells like shitrus.

    /not original

  60. 60.

    Suffern ACE

    February 25, 2014 at 10:37 pm

    If I had seven grand, I might go full Smith Brother (Right Side) just to get my money’s worth.

  61. 61.

    danielx

    February 25, 2014 at 10:38 pm

    Phrase that comes to mind is ‘hipster doucherocket’, but alas…redundancy.

    @raven:

    If the bastard ever keels over on a public street, the nearest 911 operations center is going to be receiving a lot of post cards.

  62. 62.

    NotMax

    February 25, 2014 at 10:38 pm

    @NotMax

    For whatever it may be worth, can attest that he was not putting us on, as we were being held hostage at the time (not kidding about this) so it was somewhat vital to him to not incur the wrath of the chief by having any of us fall ill.

  63. 63.

    Suffern ACE

    February 25, 2014 at 10:49 pm

    In addition to beardless hipsters, doctors said their clients include men who have struggled since adolescence to grow a beard, those undergoing a gender transition from female to male, men with with facial scarring and Hasidic Jews who hope to achieve denser payot, or sidelocks. A greater awareness of facial hair transplants has also fueled the popularity of the procedure, doctors said.

    “

    They may bring in a picture of an actor or a model,” Charles said. He named George Clooney and Ryan Gosling as repeat facial hair role models.

    The Brad Pitt scruff is a common request of Epstein, and occasionally the Tom Selleck moustache.

    Yeah. It’s clearly hipsters.

  64. 64.

    CaseyL

    February 25, 2014 at 10:54 pm

    I could maybe, sorta, kinda get it if the unhappily hairless-chinned hipster wanna-be’s have trouble growing any facial hair at all, or facial hair that grows in irregular patches.

    But I just can’t imagine wanting a beard so much you’d go to the expense and pain of having one transplanted onto your face, plug by plug. (Not to mention you’re going to look disreputable for most of the process. Or like you have the world’s biggest zits all over your chin. Ugh.)

  65. 65.

    Geeno

    February 25, 2014 at 11:01 pm

    Okay, in my 20’s, I had a bare patch on my face that just would NOT grow beard – this weird quarter inch wide path from the base of my ear to the corner of my mouth. So, I shaved and abandoned beard thoughts. Then, around 30, I took a vacation, and said fuck, I’m not shaving, cuz I don’t wanna – screw how I look. Shockingly, at the end of that week – full even beard – not long thick beard, but no bald spots and certainly no weird hairless stripe.
    I’ve never taken advantage of it, I barely have the patience not to haul off and shave my head, but – beard bald spots are not forever. Trust me; you will get furry in places you couldn’t imagine over time; there is no reason for surgical intervention.
    Given that, how on Earth can a doctor okay facial surgery for something that will happen over time if left alone.

  66. 66.

    Lyrebird

    February 25, 2014 at 11:07 pm

    @efgoldman:
    nice beard -> fluffiness -> snuggle-worthiness bonus!

  67. 67.

    Amir Khalid

    February 25, 2014 at 11:07 pm

    @CaseyL:
    I view hair implant surgery as I do any purely cosmetic medical procedure. Okay if you’ve had a disfiguring injury or illness and want to address that, but it should be discouraged if you want to do it out of vanity.

  68. 68.

    Geeno

    February 25, 2014 at 11:10 pm

    Assuming soft beard. My wife only likes mine at a certain length. Shorter, it’s too stiff; longer it just traps her fingers like weird brambles and gives her the “icks”.

  69. 69.

    Geeno

    February 25, 2014 at 11:13 pm

    Again, I can’t understand why doctors, whose first charge is “first, do no harm”, can okay potentially disfiguring surgery for so weak a reason. One that may only be temporary.
    WTF happened to medical ethics?

  70. 70.

    Villago Delenda Est

    February 25, 2014 at 11:15 pm

    This is unbelievably fucking stupid.

    These assholes should have every dime of their assets confiscated to prevent them from doing this stupid fucking shit.

  71. 71.

    Ruckus

    February 25, 2014 at 11:16 pm

    @NotMax:
    Had a discussion at lunch today about why some of us don’t like shaving. Part of it may be the razors around when I started shaving. Easier to slash your face off than cut hair. Of course it wasn’t as bad as using a straight razor. Having to sharpen the thing and then putting on my throat first thing in the morning? NFW! Have a couple of my grandfathers, they remind me how fucking stupid shaving used to be. Now it’s just a pain.

  72. 72.

    NotMax

    February 25, 2014 at 11:16 pm

    @Geeno

    The reason sits just above the 4 on your keyboard.

  73. 73.

    Ian

    February 25, 2014 at 11:17 pm

    @mai naem:
    The FSM already tried to do him in, but the devil invented pacemakers, thus thwarting the noodly will.

  74. 74.

    Ruckus

    February 25, 2014 at 11:19 pm

    @Anne Laurie:
    My comment to raven about having shaved for two days was actually pretty funny at the time. I had been living with a woman for almost 20 yrs at the time and she had never seen me without a beard. I didn’t tell her I was shaving it off, just surprised her. I think she may have almost had a heart attack. She thought someone had broken into the house.

  75. 75.

    Mnemosyne (iPad Mini)

    February 25, 2014 at 11:20 pm

    @NotMax:

    The damn headache has been hanging around for days thanks to stupid allergies, so I may almost be desperate enough to try that. Not sure what the spouse is going to think, though.

  76. 76.

    Ruckus

    February 25, 2014 at 11:21 pm

    @Gin & Tonic:
    I’m not going to click on that, but yes I do feel much better about my life now.

  77. 77.

    Ruckus

    February 25, 2014 at 11:32 pm

    @Mnemosyne (iPad Mini):
    When I have a migraine I take Zomig. 15-20 minutes, gone. I’ve tried lots of things to get rid of them, have a large gel thingy that you freeze and that sometime helps. Have used meds that gave me hallucinations(Fun and got rid of the migraines! That’s most important) but Zomig does the trick without side effects. BTW I’ve had them for decades so I’ve tried many, many things.

  78. 78.

    Felonius Monk

    February 25, 2014 at 11:34 pm

    OTOH, real ‘Muricans don’t wear merkins.

  79. 79.

    Suffern ACE

    February 25, 2014 at 11:35 pm

    @Villago Delenda Est: well, you know who else wanted to strip the Jews of their assets.

  80. 80.

    PurpleGirl

    February 25, 2014 at 11:40 pm

    @Geeno:

    … how on Earth can a doctor okay facial surgery for something that will happen over time if left alone.

    Money. This type of procedure is typically not covered by insurance and so the doctor can charge whatever the market will bear. There’s a reason why cosmetic surgeons are richer than many other doctors (like a radiologist).

  81. 81.

    NotMax

    February 25, 2014 at 11:42 pm

    @Mnemosyne

    Can’t speak to any efficacy or lack thereof for sinus headaches. But it couldn’t hurt.

    Not sure what the spouse is going to think, though.

    Fingers crossed it is “Got a sudden craving. How about we go out for Italian?”

  82. 82.

    Mnemosyne

    February 25, 2014 at 11:43 pm

    @Ruckus:

    Usually, I’m fine with Excedrin, but I also managed to have a nasty bout of heartburn late Sunday night, which can be exacerbated by aspirin.

    Right now, the headache pain is pretty minimal, but it’s still there and annoying the crap out of me.

  83. 83.

    Mnemosyne

    February 25, 2014 at 11:46 pm

    @NotMax:

    Migraines and sinus headaches are strongly linked — in fact, many people mistake their migraines for sinus headaches. So, if nothing else, it can’t hurt. Assuming I can find a garlic clove around here — I’m usually lazy and use the frozen cubes.

  84. 84.

    NotMax

    February 25, 2014 at 11:55 pm

    @Mnemosyne

    Hope it diminishes. Should you attain some relief, I no longer accept payment in bitcoins. :)

  85. 85.

    burnspbesq

    February 25, 2014 at 11:57 pm

    Happy 60th birthday, John Doe.

  86. 86.

    Mike in NC

    February 26, 2014 at 12:16 am

    Interesting reporting on Rachel Maddow about all the wingnut legislatures pushing anti-gay discrimination bills in the guise of religious freedom. All pushed by ALEC and related assholes.

    Coming 10 years to the day after fucking Shrub was asking for a Constitutional amendment to protect marriage. How did that work out? About as good as his GWOT, I’d say.

  87. 87.

    Ruckus

    February 26, 2014 at 1:02 am

    @Mnemosyne:
    For me if it’s minimal, the ice pack usually does the trick. And yes sinus and migraines do get mixed up by many. And if you suffer from migraines, a non migraine headache can explode into a migraine. Migraine clusters are even more fun.

    I like being a healthcare test dummy, just in case you weren’t sure.

  88. 88.

    TriassicSands

    February 26, 2014 at 7:16 am

    In June 1971 in a campground near Geneva, Switzerland, on the way to the bathroom to shave, I dropped my razor and shaving cream in a trash can and haven’t shaved since. In the almost 43 years since I’ve never given a thought to shaving, though my beard has gotten harder to trim over the decades because it has coarsened a bit.

    However, if I couldn’t grow a beard, I sure as hell wouldn’t pay $7000 or even $7.00 to have one implanted. It must be terrible to be so dissatisfied with one’s natural endowments.

  89. 89.

    Paul in KY

    February 26, 2014 at 8:08 am

    @Comrade Dread: That is a comfort.

  90. 90.

    Omnes Omnibus

    February 26, 2014 at 9:03 am

    @TriassicSands:

    However, if I couldn’t grow a beard, I sure as hell wouldn’t pay $7000 or even $7.00 to have one implanted. It must be terrible to be so dissatisfied with one’s natural endowments.

    If I tried to grow a beard, it would be crappy one. OTOH, I still have and, based on family history, am likely to maintain a full head of hair on top of my head. That is a trade off that I willing accept.

  91. 91.

    Ruckus

    February 26, 2014 at 9:30 am

    @Omnes Omnibus:
    As would I. But no hair is easier to take care of. That’s the lazy part.

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