Okay, I’m easily amused. SB Nation‘s “PFT Commentor” has “a modest proposal for NFL locker rooms”:
As if the NFL wasnt dealing with enough headaches now that they will have the first Gay player in the history of the league joining a team in training camp probably, its time to address some of the details that go a long with all this “tolerence” and “understanding” that were supposed to be showing all of a sudden…
… Im a huge advocate for locker room shower culture. Its the best place to haze somebody and you can wash off any blood or tears from your soon-to-be friend after your done hitting him with soap or jimmytapping him. At first glance Ellis makes a great point about the simple fact that theres absolutely nothing that can be done about this problem given the infrastructure of NFL shower rooms. Its the unsolvable puzzle in my opinion. But then I cracked open a ice cold mad dog and sat down watching Bar Rescue (Im a solutions type guy) and all of the sudden it dawned on me. Its a wild card longshot but it might just be crazy enough to work:
Buy shower curtains.Although I could understand the confusion in the Bengals locker room, this isnt a prison shower. The Bungals are mainstays on “Hard Knocks” not “Oz.” The faster we stop treating it like Shawshank Redemption the faster the straight players like Greg Ellis can protect themselfs from the prying eyes arms and hearts of there teammates. Just follow the lead set by progresive forward thinking institutions like the YMCA and every Middle School in America and all major gyms and hang a shower curtain as unatural as it might seem…
Change wont be easy. Its been said that taking a shower not in a big open room of other showers is like eating prime rib well done, but you know who else had big open showers? Thats right,, Adolf Hitler no offense…
(For the literal-minded, the column is headed: PFT Commenter’s strong takes are presented as PARODY. Sorry, not sorry. All spelling errors are intentional … we think. -Ed.)
***********
Apart from taking our cheap laffs where we find them, what’s on the agenda this afternoon?
danielx
Getting ready for the ten inches of snow we’re supposed to get sometime between tonight and Monday morning.
Tired. Very tired.
jeffreyw
Help!! I’m being oppressed!
Cpl Cam
That “parody” was at least three times gayer than anything Michael Sam could possibly do…
Suzanne
A big storm is supposedly coming. Urgent care sez I have sinus infection, viral, so no antibiotics. Lying on couch, sneezing, being feverish and miserable. Puppeh is making it bearable. Cannot breathe easily. Might watch a spy movie. Sad that I am missing Spawn the Elder’s birthday party.
WereBear
@Suzanne: That is terrible, but hopefully will be over soon. The steam from hot tea can help unclog you. Add brandy if it helps!
RaflW
Oh for g-d’s sake. So what if a gay man takes a brief look at another man’s bits in the locker room? It’s about time said straight man had some inkling of the feeling he’s given countless women when he couldn’t stop looking at her.
Men know they objectify. And it seems to strike terror that they’ll be the object for once. Kinda armchair-shrink fascinating.
piratedan
raining here in the Old Pueblo, a welcome change of pace, glad I got the youngest to mow last night, the kitten is chasing raindrops that track down the window pane, hilarity ensues…. now it’s off to soup and possible naptime dreamage.
if we do a Tucson BJ meetup, as much as I would like to patronize Rocco’s, seating space may be a concern, can we/do we have any suggestions as an alternative? I can offer any number of dives that you may want, but I highly suspect that BJ crowd to be a tad more upscale…. are we focused on food, alcoholic beverage availability or ambiance and the ability to talk and share stories?
@Suzaane – my condolences on the sinuses, chicken soup?
MattF
Finish setup of my new iPhone 5S. New new new.
Word of warning… You may have heard about that Apple program that lets you recycle your old iPhone when you buy a new one. It has to be done at the time you buy the new one. Otherwise, no dice.
Suzanne
@piratedan: Ambiance. I’ll come to a Tucson meetup, if it can be after April 1. What about Bison Witches?
@WereBear: Brandy always helps.
Cermet
@Suzanne: Perfect thread for you – a hot shower is best for clearing (for a short while) the sinuses. Might not want to get into a large, open gym shower room – not because of “The Gay’s” but those showers don’t hold heat and moister very well … .
RaflW
@Suzanne: I fill the bathroom sink with hot hot tap water and grab a bath towel and tent my head right over the sink, often with the tap flowing for max steam action. (We have crazy hot water here in our building, that helps).
Hot showers work too, of course, but I don’t usually want to take 3 or 4 of those a day, but might have 2-3 sink steam treatments a day.
catclub
That shower reference at the end needs a link to Prussian Blue, of the earlier post.
geg6
Being lazy for now, but going to the local fancy restaurant (Wooden Angel: woodenangel.com/) for dinner with John’s daughter and her fiance. Then the Pens vs. the Blackhawks at Soldier Field, probably in a bar somewhere near home.
The pups actually let me sleep in until 7am today. I am celebrating by doing absolutely nothing productive today. :-p
catclub
They made the movie Blowout in my (men’s) dorm. They replaced the shower curtains we had with clear ones for the girls in showers scenes.
When we got back, the white shower curtains also were put back.
catclub
@RaflW: “Kinda armchair-shrink fascinating. ”
Shrinkage! (Seinfeld ref.)
RaflW
@efgoldman: The hit-on risk, such as there may be, would seem to come from frustrated closeted men, not openly gay ones. Generally speaking, guys who are comfortable and open have healthy(ish), available ways to meet other men who want what they want.
p.a.
Sitting home self-medicating with OTC cold meds. I don’t care if it is placebo effect, I think Zicam and knockoffs do help ease symptoms and duration. Not too mad about the cold; if I were feeling better I would be at the Brown UMass lacrosse game. Bears getting undressed.
lamh36
Crowley posted a the pics of Obama riding a bike w/helmet and that shirtless Putin on a horse pic.
When people called him on being an idiot, Crowley tweeted this explanation:
Suzanne
@RaflW: steam treatments don’t work for me once the nasal turbinates are all swollen and pissy. Feh. I need METH
Just Some Fuckhead, Thought Leader
I should be able to drop the soap in a locker room shower and find myself in the middle of a passionate gangbang with other bi-curious football players, according to Penthouse Variations.
schrodinger's cat
I is on your blog pimping my blog, the theme is Romance;
Romeow and JulieCat and Love is in the air, review of the second last episode of Downton Abbey.
kindness
Just came from Sully. re: Ukraine stuff. Shoulda known better. Sully sounds extremely shrill & is posting every fricking moron who is crowing about Obama being a worthless president and why aren’t we sending in the troops.
Jesus Christ some people are evil.
schrodinger's cat
@kindness: What color is his blog banner now?
Arclite
So much win in that Parody.
No snow here, but rain. Arclitedaughter was supposed to have a swim practice at the beach, but it got called on account of the rain. Go figure.
gbear
@RaflW:
I used to work in downtown Minneapolis and used the skyways to get around. If I was walking behind a woman, I’d notice the looks that she was getting from men passing us in the opposite direction and it was often pretty embarassing how obviously some men were undressing her as she passed by.
I took to giving the oncoming men the same look, and it was pretty funny when they quit looking at the woman and noticed the look I was giving them. They’d have total panic on their faces for the time it took me to walk past.
schrodinger's cat
@jeffreyw: Bebbeh Purrberus kitteh has a cute.
schrodinger's cat
@kindness:
What exactly does Sully expect Obama to do?
gbear
@schrodinger’s cat: Beat the shit out of his (Sully’s) enemies and emerge victorious and pure.
schrodinger's cat
@gbear: Does Obama have to be shirtless while doing it?
MattR
@gbear: I made this comment a couple weeks ago, but it does seem that the majority of the complaints coming from straight men about having to interact with gay men are based on those straight men worrying that all the things they have been doing to women all their life (objectify them, subject them to unwanted explicit comments and advances) will now be done to them.
Baud
@gbear:
Can we compromise and just have Obama beat the shit out of Sully?
WereBear
@MattR: Just as bigots fear the object of their bigotry will take revenge if they have autonomy.
Just how many wingnuts did Freud know?
gbear
@Baud: I’d rather we send Sully to beat the shit out of a shirtless Putin. That could prove interesting…
RuhRow_Gyro
I don’t think Obama could beat the shit out of Sully. Obama is pretty skinny.
jeffreyw
Go ahead. I’m listening.
elm
@schrodinger’s cat: War-wanters want war. Film at 11.
gbear
@RuhRow_Gyro: Yeah, but the only defense Sully knows is white privilege.
Violet
@Suzanne: I had good luck clearing a sinus infection by using a xylitol nasal spray called Xlear. You have to use it quite a few times during the day and it breaks up the biofilms in your nasal passages that antibiotics cannot target. I got it at Whole Foods. Hope you feel better soon.
BruceJ
@efgoldman: Yeah but you don’t have the Supreme Confidence that only a Truly Manly Manliest Male Man would have that they are unto Adonis to everyone around them, which is why women treasure their witty renditions of ‘Hey Baybee! Wanna piece?” whilst groping their Truly Manly Manliest Male bits.
Of COURSE all those gay men will be unable to resists their testosterone-scented Truly Manly Manliest Maleness and hit upon them immediately.
The only reason it hasn’t happened, of course is that they’ve never, ever met a gay man!
gbear
@efgoldman: English Leather.
SiubhanDuinne
I had to look up “jimmytapping” in the Urban Dictionary.
I never cease to be amazed by what guys like to do for fun.
WaterGirl
@jeffreyw: Oh my gosh, that might just be the cutest kitty ever, love the big ears.
WaterGirl
deleted because thread is dead.
Anton Sirius
@MattF:
You mean you’re still buying Apple products after Tim Cook shamefully put environmental responsibility ahead of (even more) profits?
MattF
@Anton Sirius: I know, I’m just woefully rational. Poor me.
Wally Ballou
Yeah, you know, it’s spring training time now. So, you know, fuck the fucking NFL.
Just saying.
Bonnie
There have been at least a thousand gay players in the NFL since it began–if not more.
Linkmeister
@piratedan: Mi Nidito!
Linkmeister
@efgoldman: @gbear: Nah. Canoe.