Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

The “burn-it-down” people are good with that until they become part of the kindling.

The real work of an opposition party is to hold the people in power accountable.

Perhaps you mistook them for somebody who gives a damn.

Republicans don’t want a speaker to lead them; they want a hostage.

Lick the third rail, it tastes like chocolate!

Whoever he was, that guy was nuts.

If rights aren’t universal, they are privilege, not rights.

I’d hate to be the candidate who lost to this guy.

the 10% who apparently lack object permanence

Everything is totally normal and fine!!!

Since we are repeating ourselves, let me just say fuck that.

Consistently wrong since 2002

Mediocre white men think RFK Jr’s pathetic midlife crisis is inspirational. The bar is set so low for them, it’s subterranean.

Putting aside our relentless self-interest because the moral imperative is crystal clear.

Stamping your little feets and demanding that they see how important you are? Not working anymore.

Hell hath no fury like a farmer bankrupted.

I would try pessimism, but it probably wouldn’t work.

Beware of advice from anyone for whom Democrats are “they” and not “we.”

This blog will pay for itself.

Let me eat cake. The rest of you could stand to lose some weight, frankly.

They are lying in pursuit of an agenda.

Republicans are radicals, not conservatives.

Not all heroes wear capes.

New McCarthy, same old McCarthyism.

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190Comments

  4. 4.

    Jim, Foolish Literalist

    Oh, I think it’s a joke all right, just a question of who gets it. I wonder if Gutfield tries to be funny in it, or if he goes straight for scaring the old people about Brooklyn and their grandson’s new monocle.

    I’m half tempted to go buy a fedora out of spite, but I’m afraid I’ve reached an age where people wouldn’t be sure if I was wearing a fedora ironically, or just still wearing a fedora.

  5. 5.

    Villago Delenda Est

    Hmm, Gutfield. Let’s see here..

    Not funny

    Not coherent

    Not sane.

    So far, batting 1.000!

    OT, but this is hilarious:

    Trump Wows CPAC: Says Putin ‘Toying With Obama’

    So says a guy who lost money owning a cas!no and who has a squirrel on his head.

    And the drooling rubes at CPAC love him for it.

  7. 7.

    the Conster

    These people are such tight asses they could be making diamonds in their rectums.

  8. 8.

    biff diggerence

    I never realized how fucking cool I was. I seem to have come by my resentment of all authority organically.

    I’m fucking Miles Davis.

  9. 9.

    boatboy_srq

    D’you ever get the feeling that the libtard blowhards and their FundiEvangelist rubes could get every single thing they wanted, and still be unhappy because Persecution™ and TABMITWH?

  11. 11.

    Fuzzy

    All of these fools should have to live in a box under an overpass until they could not stand being homeless and poor. Maybe two hours should make them scream for their mommy’s bootstraps.

  13. 13.

    scav

    CPAC. Still calling Ducdame, ducdame, ducdame on that special batshit signal Frequency.

  14. 14.

    max

    I thought this was a joke, but apparently not.

    Ah. Another conservative entrant for your high-dollar root cellar insulation.

    max
    [‘Next year’s insulation. This year’s insulation is Bill O’Reilly, I think.’]

  17. 17.

    Another Holocene Human

    A Hipster takedown would be great. I think there was one and it was called Regretsy. RIP, Regretsy.

    Oh well, Dougj, the article you linked to was good. Not surprising to see Jen Rubin throwing a tantrum over that Brother’s Keeper program. Keep the derp coming, Jen. So much for conservative “ideas”. They don’t have any. They’re that annoying whiny kid in the backseat who always whines that it’s not fair that he already ate his Happy Meal and broke his toy and Mikey needs to share, MooooOOOOOOOOMMMMMM!!!111

  18. 18.

    Jim, Foolish Literalist

    @Gin & Tonic: see, I’m so frickin’ out of it, I don’t even know what I’m rolling my eyes at.

    What I’d really like to wear is a homburg or a derby, but I’m afraid it wouldn’t go with my usual wardrobe of late 80s LL Bean

  20. 20.

    Amir Khalid

    To defeat the tyranny of the hip, you need only remember not to take hipness seriously. If you go so far as to write a book denouncing hipsters, then the hipsters have already defeated you.

  23. 23.

    Another Holocene Human

    @Jim, Foolish Literalist: Hey, hey now, fedoras were a GenX thing in the 1990s along with swing-dancing and ska music. Unfortunately they were really popular with libertarians and Matt Drudge kind of ruined the look for everyone. AFAICT, gay guys in LA still wear them. Sorry, Greg Palast. I know you wore it best and before Matt Drudge had ever heard of Tim Berners-Lee and the World Wide Web but he has totally ruined them for everyone.

    I can’t even see a fedora without recalling that story about Matt Drudge sexually harassing a Baldwin (“I want to strip you naked and cover you in hot sauce” … hooookayyyy).

    @Gin & Tonic: Beat me to it. Better accentuates the fauxberjack beard. Mandatory beard.

  32. 32.

    Suffern ACE

    I’ve met many an elitist hipster, buy never really an elite one. There’s been a war on new hipsters since they first arrived on the scene in the 1990s. OMG! did you know that they aren’t being normal and moving to the suburbs to raise their children? (Well, some of them are, but that only gets reported on when a 2 friends of a New York Times writer do it, so it’s a trend.)

  33. 33.

    boatboy_srq

    @Another Holocene Human: Indeed.

    And yet, for all the sensibility of this, the likelihood of the Reichwing having a Laura Roslin Come-to-Athena moment is about as high as the likelihood that that Galactica with fleet in tow will jump into the solar system tomorrow.

    ETA: sorry for the additional content at the link, but I can’t find one to just the quote while in the office.

  36. 36.

    Ben Cisco

    @Another Holocene Human:

    Not surprising to see Jen Rubin throwing a tantrum over that Brother’s Keeper program.

    She couldn’t help herself. You know that the only thing worse for this bunch than declaring President Obama “a disaster for black people” is going all Yosemite Sam when he tries to do something to help black people, thus proving that “he’s the real raciest.”

    And yes, that’s how they spell it in the LTTEs.

  37. 37.

    Ben Cisco

    @Another Holocene Human:

    Not surprising to see Jen Rubin throwing a tantrum over that Brother’s Keeper program.

    She couldn’t help herself. You know that the only thing worse for this bunch than declaring President Obama “a disaster for black people” is going all Yosemite Sam when he tries to do something to help black people, thus proving that “he’s the real raciest.”

    And yes, that’s how they spell it in the LTTEs.

  38. 38.

    qwerty42

    I’m getting a little teary-eyed here thinking about the suffering these folks are going through. Is it occurring to them that their views are not the norm any more?

  41. 41.

    ericblair

    @EconWatcher:

    I will never forgive my wife for throwing away my duck boots. She hated them.

    My wife throws my shit out too. Drives me nuts. I should throw something of hers out sometime just to show her what it feels like, but I’m thinking that’s probably a bad idea.

  42. 42.

    bemused

    How many conservative authors like Gutfeld actually believe very much of what they put in their books? It’s a nice source of income and probably the only motivation for a lot of them. I read the table of contents and the title of one chapter “Bling before balls” was pretty funny so I do think the joke is on those who buy his book taking it seriously.

  43. 43.

    beltane

    @qwerty42: They are definitely getting a hint that their views are no longer the norm, thus the thrashing around in search of the invisible enemy that stole their old, bigoted America. The fact that they are now reduced to blaming a hipster elite for the change just shows how sad they’ve become.

  44. 44.

    Suffern ACE

    @ericblair: You let her occupy the closet. The facts on the ground say that the closet is her sphere of influence now. Are you willing to risk the sanctions that will come if you try to take the closet back? If you don’t have any allies to whose interests are threatened, I’d say move in with a few t-shirts that were important to you in college and maybe a pair of Vans from your skater days.

  46. 46.

    Matt

    @Fuzzy: If you put a brown guy next to them under the overpass but didn’t let him have a box, they’d stay there FOREVER.

  47. 47.

    jl

    @Gin & Tonic: Yes, I was confused about the fedora/pork pie/trilby headgear of hipsters, but a helpful commenter, perhaps G&T set me straight.

    Look people it’s important to know your hipster, and what type of hipster it is. Some can be scared away with a steadfast right-minded stare, others can driven off if you make yourself look bigger than you are and make a display of defiance (show firmness and resolve to establish your credibility!). Others may require stronger measures.

    Out here in the commie coast, I’ve never seen a hipster with a monocle, and would not know how to deal with one. I am thankful for this handy field guide and self-defense manual for dealing with the hipster menace.

    They are tricky. Those silly little retro shirts they wear hanging over their waistband that are squared off at the bottom with no shirt-tails?

    Well, my friends those things are not so silly. Those seemingly silly shirts allow them to pack ‘smartphones’ loaded with ‘apps’, hidden out of sight. No shirt tails means it’s harder to grab them and give them a wedgie.

    What you don’t know may cost you your life!

  51. 51.

    jl

    @schrodinger’s cat:

    ” Do you keep using stuff till it is literally falling apart? ”

    Doing so shows loyalty to the All-American personal items that have served one for so long and well, and encourages thrift, and builds ingenuity and character.

    You a hipster or something?

  52. 52.

    geg6

    Hahahahaha, I did, too! I was forced to go to the Amazon page just to verify it’s a real book.

    Run, Thelma! The Hipster hordes are coming!

    ROFLMAO.

  53. 53.

    Amir Khalid

    I know a much better and more worthwhile book, which offers practical advice while being both very funny and perfectly serious.

  54. 54.

    Trollhattan

    Don’t quite know who “Gutfeld” is but if he’s a’skeert of hipsters it should be “Gutfled.” The Jobs look ain’t workin’ either.

    Were it not for hipsters my berg wouldn’t have designer espresso and awsome IPA, so screw that noise.

  57. 57.

    jl

    People like me who are not threatened by hipsters have clearly surrendered to hipsters and have resigned myself to being a beta male in the scheme of things. Why not be honest?

    To understand the sadness of my case, anyone who saw me would realize in a second that I make Cole look like a hipster.

    So, what is a word corresponding to dhimmitude or Dhimmicrat that applies to surrendering dominance to hipsters? I can think of anything.

  59. 59.

    Cassidy

    @schrodinger’s cat: I’ve had more than a few t-shirts disappear from circulation. It’s the principle. It’s my stuff. I don’t go around throwing out sweatpants and panty hose all willy nilly.

  63. 63.

    JPL

    Maybe Gutfeld doesn’t have the extra money to hire someone to come up with clever titles. I mean who really would title a book the Joy Of Hate. You all are a bunch of hippie elitists.

  64. 64.

    geg6

    @Suffern ACE:

    Ahem. The closet is always the wife’s sphere of influence. Always.

    Unless, that is, you’ve been IN the closet for your whole life. In which case, the wife thinks the closet is her sphere of influence but it really isn’t because you’re filling the whole thing up with your closetedness.

    Clear? LOL!

  68. 68.

    Trollhattan

    Good a place as any to cite this, from NY Mag.

    One of the most seismic changes in American politics over the last decade has been the emergence of a sharp generational split among the electorate. The Democratic Party owes its success in the last two presidential elections almost entirely to overwhelming support among the very young, which has overcome continued conservatism among older voters. The Pew Research Institute has dominated the field of exploring the ideological cleavages among different generations. And its latest survey shows again how the liberalism of the youngest voting cohort, millennials, remains firm, and likely to continue to recast the electorate.

    http://nymag.com/daily/intelligencer/2014/03/new-report-shows-young-liberals-own-the-future.html

    It’s more than hipsters they need to concern themselves with.

  69. 69.

    Another Holocene Human

    @jl: Hipsters are PUA alpha males now? I must not get out enough.

    I thought hipsters rejected, like, categories, man. Now, you haven’t had beer until you’ve tried my homebrew 15% ABV. Are you like serious, you have to go to work early tomorrow? You need to borrow $20,000 from your parents and open an art space/photo studio/jam session/brewery/pub and redefine urban communities sustainability capitalism argle bargle moneymoneymoneymoney

  70. 70.

    JGabriel

    Amazon Marketing Text:

    From politics to the personal, from fashion to food, from the campus to the locker room, the desire to be cool has infected all aspects of our lives. At its most harmless, it is annoying. At its worst, it is deadly, on a massive scale.

    See. you only thought the Nazi’s were deadly, but really, it’s (dadada-DUM): THE HIPSTERS.

    The Cool are the termites of life, infiltrating every nook and cranny and destroying it from within.

    Termites? Wait, where have I heard something like that before:

    “Where rats appear, they bring ruin by destroying mankind’s goods and foodstuffs. In this way, they spread disease, plague, leprosy, typhoid fever, cholera, dysentery, and so on. They are cunning, cowardly and cruel and are found mostly in large packs. Among the animals, they represent the rudiment of an insidious, underground destruction – just like the Jews among human beings.”

    Still, there’s no need to go all Godwin, it’s just one example:

    The Cool report the news, write the scripts, teach our children, run our government—and each day they pass judgment on those who don’t worship at the altar of their coolness.

    Oh. You mean like:

    Out of a thousand workers in Berlin, only two were Jews. For the start of 1933, out of one hundred prosecutors in Berlin 15 were Jews. Out of a hundred judges were 23 Jews. Out of a hundred lawyers 49 Jews. 52 Jews out of a hundred doctors. And out of every hundred of businessmen 60 Jews.

    Still, two parallels in the texts could be just a coincidence, there couldn’t possibly be three, which would be a pattern, all in the same paragraph:

    The cool fawn over terrorists, mock the military, and denigrate employers. They are, in short, awful people.

    Sigh:

    Jews sit at the junction of the world financial markets. They are an international power. Only one percent of the world’s population, with the help of their capital, they terrorize the world stock exchanges, world opinion, and world politics.

    Hipsters: The Jews of American Conservatism.

    Could Gutfeld get any more Goebbels-like?

  72. 72.

    Another Holocene Human

    My hipster lingo may be slightly inaccurate. Also, not all hipsters are trustafarians–there are a lot of wannabes in the subculture. I mean, one can obtain tattoos for relatively cheap and they can’t exactly be repo’d.

  74. 74.

    Another Holocene Human

    @schrodinger’s cat: That’s like “What’s the difference between a lesbian and a dyke? About twenty thousand dollars.”

    Hippies work in the kitchens of the restaurants that hipsters own and patronize.

    Hippies sell the weed that hipsters smoke.

  77. 77.

    geg6

    @schrodinger’s cat:

    Agreed. When I moved in with him, my John, a man who has his dress shirts custom made, had underwear that the elastic of which was so far gone that he used a safety pin to keep them on. He hid this from me for months until I caught him scooting from the bathroom one morning in them. He also had t-shirts so threadbare that the only thing holding them together as recognizable shirts were the seams; the rest of the fabric looked like Swiss cheese. And he was only able to hide it that long because we are both so picky about laundry, folding and various laundry products that we each do our own laundry.

    Safe to say, five years later, he no longer has safety pin underwear or Swiss cheese t-shirts. I didn’t toss them myself, but shamed him so much that he threw them out voluntarily rather than have to listen to me bitch about and make fun of them.

  79. 79.

    JGabriel

    @JPL:

    I mean who really would title a book the Joy Of Hate.

    Any American Conservative, that’s who.

  80. 80.

    dr. luba

    When I look at the cover, I see “Not Cool Gutfeld.”

    So yes, truth in advertising.

  82. 82.

    DP0702

    I’m going to get revenge on all those cool hipsters who ignored me by publishing a book with a my face on the cover and a huge NOT COOL right over it. That’ll show ’em.

  83. 83.

    Suffern ACE

    @JGabriel: Back in the early days of neo-hipsterism, wasn’t the movie “Swingers” about hipsters fighting Nazis?

  84. 84.

    jl

    If I see this thing in a bookstore, I will flip through it to see if he is trying copy Stewart and Colbert’s books. Maybe it is an “I am America and So Can You!” book.

    I hope so. That would be the most optimistic scenario. Probably not goo, but at least he tried.

    On the other hand, if he makes bank on it, then it is just more parasitic conster grift.

    But, I guess it could be both. Gutfeld is the new Andy Kaufman/Sasha Cohen remix?

  86. 86.

    Suffern ACE

    For my next Book, I will write about the danger of Emos. I think Emos disappeared a few ago. At least you don’t hear about them much any more. I wonder if someone recognized the danger before I did and the disappeared.

  88. 88.

    Bubblegum Tate

    @bemused:

    How many conservative authors like Gutfeld actually believe very much of what they put in their books?

    Most of them are just dancing for their nickels. Not that I think they’re secret liberals or anything, just that they know what they have to say for their paychecks, so they say those things whether they believe them or not.

    This book, though…Gutfeld seems to believe a lot of it because he’s still really asshurt about the fact that he wasn’t cool in high school (if you can imagine), so he just maps that asshurtedness onto a bunch of worn-out winger talking points. Hell, he pretty much leads with “Obama only got elected because The Media said he was cool!” and devolves from there.

  89. 89.

    MikeJ

    @Origuy:

    I’m thinking tam o’shanters are the next thing to wear ironically.

    I think the Kangol 504 has already come and gone.

  92. 92.

    bemused

    @Bubblegum Tate:

    In the introduction, he started with 5th grade so I suspect there must be some wayback butthurt, lol. He gets to talk about it avoiding therapy while being conservatively cool and geting paid for it. Win.

  93. 93.

    beltane

    @Suffern ACE: The real Emos are having a convention right now. It is called CPAC. Those other people who called themselves Emos were mere poseurs compared to the CPAC crowd.

  94. 94.

    Redshift

    @JGabriel:

    The Cool report the news, write the scripts, teach our children, run our government—and each day they pass judgment on those who don’t worship at the altar of their coolness.

    So passing judgment on people who disagree with you is now the same thing as war?

    The projection is strong with this one.

    But the end result is about the whiniest thing imaginable. “How dare you look down your nose at me, you insect!”

  95. 95.

    Fair Economist

    Young people have fashion trends! And different ones from their parents! Stop the presses!

  96. 96.

    Bubblegum Tate

    There’s a lot of hilarious shit in this thing, but this quote might be my favorite so far:

    Meanwhile, the young men who lack the cash to get girls into bed have instead built an arsenal of anti-authoritarian lies to get laid. (I did this for a while myself, but it didn’t work. I just can’t grow dreadlocks.) How else could a piece of trash like Bill Ayers get laid? As a terrorist, this loser couldn’t even do that right.”

    FEEL THE ASSHURT!

    (Bonus beats: This little rant comes on the heels of an entire chapter devoted to the premise that coolness is some mysterious thing otherwise-undesirable high school boys concoct in order to trick girls into sleeping with them, thereby stealing those girls from the Gutfelds of the world, who truly deserve them.)

  97. 97.

    MCA1

    Never before have a book’s title and cover picture been more perfectly matched, however.

    Just one more data point on the “conservatives by and large don’t get humor” chart. Compare to Portlandia. Hipsters are skewered there by Armisen and Brownstein weekly, and lo and behold, it’s actually funny!

    My theory – being “cool” means by definition being open to the winds of change in the world. One must be ready to embrace what’s new, novel and unproven and get out ahead of the curve, taking a risk of being ridiculed for not conforming (which is why the late adopters just now getting around to wearing their jeans rolled up above their ankles, with a suit vest and a tie to go with it, are not cool – they’re followers at this point). This is anathema to conservatism in the most general sense. In addition, the ever-changing concept of what’s cool and hip at the moment is at odds with a lot of people’s need to categorize and have a permanent taxonomic system for classifying people.

    Re: various discussions upthread:

    – duck boots (the full length, not the slip-ons) are now cool again and becoming ubiquitous, but amongst the Brooks Brothers crowd rather than hipsters.

    – Eric Blair: Step 1 – list out everything you cared about that your wife has pitched. Step 2 – pretend to throw out something of hers, but really just hide it somewhere. Step 3 – when she can’t find it, say you pitched it, let the hissy fit ensue, then say “just kidding, but that’s how I felt when I realized you’d thrown out [crinkling of paper] my…”

    – someone claimed the strain of hipsters currently ruling your coffee house started showing up in the ’90’s. That seems early to me. I put it at about ’03-’04, but admittedly I don’t live in Brooklyn. Critical mass was definitely reached in the later ‘oughts, and we’re now, I should think, in the watering down/appropriation/mockery/move on to something else stage, given that I keep seeing upper class suburban moms wearing trilbys at the pool, and their husbands drinking PBR on the commuter trains.

  98. 98.

    Roger Moore

    @Matt:

    If you put a brown guy next to them under the overpass but didn’t let him have a box, they’d stay there FOREVER.

    Maybe you could use an animatronic replica so no actual brown people will have to suffer. The wingnuts would be so afraid of the brown skin that they’d never get close enough to tell the difference.

  99. 99.

    ericblair

    @Cassidy:

    I’ve had more than a few t-shirts disappear from circulation. It’s the principle. It’s my stuff. I don’t go around throwing out sweatpants and panty hose all willy nilly.

    Testify, brother. So, okay, I have had a few undergarments which were somewhat older than my (school-age) kids, that had some custom ventilation. Those, fine. It’s the OTHER STUFF that’s PERFECTLY SERVICEABLE THANK YOU. It’s not like I’m a packrat; I’m the neat one, acshully. Hmph.

    Anyway, the best way to encourage closet cleanouts is an afternoon’s bingewatch of Hoarders. You’ll be tossing out the floorboards at the end of it.

    As far as closet politics goes, we have a clearly defined line of demarcation. There is no disputed zone. These were deliberate intrusions which violated longstanding custom, which only allows for unsupervised occupation relevant to laundry activities. However, I believe sanctions would be counterproductive and have limited my response to a sternly worded whine and a carefully calibrated sulk.

  100. 100.

    Redshift

    @Suffern ACE: Swing Kids. Swingers was a (very) different movie. Though I would say they weren’t much like hipsters because they were imitating cool current American styles, not some retro/ironic thing.

  103. 103.

    beltane

    @Bubblegum Tate: Wait! Men who women are eager to sleep with are hipster termites intent on destroying America? Is Mr. Gutfeld married? Did he just imply that his wife and mother are prostitutes? Are all conservative women prostitutes? Maybe they object to contraception coverage because they view it as a business expense and not a health care issue.

  105. 105.

    scav

    I think my social compass is mis-firing — if I’d seen anyone in a monocle (outside of a box playing BBC costume drama) my first thought might have been SteamPunk (esp. if tinted). What am I getting wrong? How does one distinguish the breeds?

  106. 106.

    Gin & Tonic

    @MCA1: Eric Blair: Step 1 – list out everything you cared about that your wife has pitched. [etc., etc..]

    You’ve never been married, right?

  107. 107.

    Trollhattan

    Instead of being scared of hipsters, I suggest Gutfled be scared of this guy, and his ilk.

    A week after they arrested David Ming Lee for carrying a loaded .40-caliber Glock onto the campus of Folsom Lake College, investigators found writings in his bedroom that a prosecutor said “indicated a plan to assault and kill.”

    http://www.sacbee.com/2014/03/07/6216731/man-found-guilty-of-gun-possession.html

    Not Cool. There must be half a dozen books worth of material in the topic.

  108. 108.

    Another Holocene Human

    @schrodinger’s cat: Me either, but it’s a small town and I have to dodge them. I’m not allowed to have THC metabolites found in my body due to my job.

    Some hippie had actually dropped a small bag of weed in the bathroom of a hipster joint I was dining at on my day off and I kicked it into the other stall… my job is more important. “Some hippie is about to have a bad day,” I said to my dining companion when I came out.

  110. 110.

    jl

    @scav: Gutfeld is probably a lumper, not a splitter.

    You should present your phylogenetic tree of ‘cool’ so we can compare it to Gutfeld’s.

    Gutfeld’s theory starts with himself, er, I mean, all the sad right-minded kids who couldn’t get any action in HS or college, versus everyone else. Probably too broad for a sound taxonomy.

  111. 111.

    raven

    @Another Holocene Human This is the shit that scares him:

    I saw the best minds of my generation destroyed by madness, starving hysterical naked,
    dragging themselves through the negro streets at dawn looking for an angry fix,
    angelheaded hipsters burning for the ancient heavenly connection to the starry dynamo in the machinery of night,

  113. 113.

    geg6

    @scav:

    my first thought might have been SteamPunk

    I know that would be my first thought, too. I have just become aware of this monocle mania thing in the last few days. Which is curious, since I work at a college campus that is littered with hipster wannabes of all races, religions, genders and sexual orientations (age seems to be the only barrier as far as I can see). You’d think I would have noticed monocles.

  115. 115.

    jl

    @raven: And I think all the visions were in the produce aisle, while Gutfeld is looking in the freezer at the fish sticks?

  116. 116.

    Another Holocene Human

    @beltane: Nobody gets a hipster hate on really going without hating on hipster women. Their (womanly, mid-30s) thighs. Their erotic tattoos (those bird ones apparently have a hidden meaning, cf sparrows, I think). Their sexual mores. Their attraction to men with groomed facial hair. Their bicycling through Brooklyn bare shouldered on the men’s side of the street in defiance of the modesty law posters. Their hair. Their nekkid bike rides. Their nekkid bike rides in 45F degree weather. Their saggy skin. Their lack of shame at their saggy skin. Their body paint. Their slut pills and abortions. Pretty much every comment about Portland naked bike rides plus Lena Dunham hate, then add misogyny and dial it to 11.

  117. 117.

    Another Holocene Human

    @JGabriel:

    @JPL:

    I mean who really would title a book the Joy Of Hate.

    Any American Conservative, that’s who.

    Is that not Rush Limbaugh’s entire shtick?

  118. 118.

    Dexter's new approach

    Not hard to psychoanalyze this. Douche is lashing out at those who rejected him.

    I’ve lived many years in a Hipster Mecca, and I don’t get the hate. I much prefer them to the other identifiable urban, young-people subgroups (douche bags, frat guys, trixies, traders.) They are cool to me because they’re polite, not loud, don’t want to fight you for no reason when they get drunk, and have good taste in beer, food and music.

  124. 124.

    Fair Economist

    @scav:

    I think my social compass is mis-firing — if I’d seen anyone in a monocle (outside of a box playing BBC costume drama) my first thought might have been SteamPunk (esp. if tinted). What am I getting wrong? How does one distinguish the breeds?

    I think you’re joking, but I’ll answer this seriously (dang snark detector). Victorian/Edwardian revivalism is trendy, and SteamPunk is basically Victorian/Edwardian revivalism. So hipsters carting around SteamPunk gear is entirely to be expected. Actually, I think it’s kind of cute, and if I weren’t so old – and cheap – and lazy – I’d probably be carting around some of it myself.

    So it’s hipsters you see. SteamPunk itself is only seen at costume parties.

  126. 126.

    Another Holocene Human

    @Suffern ACE: Sadly, No. The emos are all on Tumblr blogging about their oppression. Since most of them aren’t very oppressed* they have to invent oppressions. In this toxic atmosphere people who’ve experienced real oppression start to sound hysterical. Every once in a while one of these hysterical rants bubbles out of the Tumblr swamp and not-young people are befuddled.

    *you pretty much have to be a middle class suburban white kid to be emo just by definition

  127. 127.

    tybee

    @raven:

    yeah, got mine yesterday. dumbasses at the dnr can’t just put a little check mark on your fishing license to notify them that you fish in salt water. they have to create another piece of paperwork that doesn’t expire the same time as the license.

  128. 128.

    MCA1

    @Dexter’s new approach: Generally agreed. I do get the occasional whiff of self-congratulatory satisfaction and smugness out of the handlebar mustache crowd. And I chuckle sometimes at the irony in the level of conformity in what is nominally supposed to be non-conformist behavior. But that’s better than the arrested development and/or aggressive douchebaggery of some other groups and their members’ attempts to reconcile themselves to adulthood.

  130. 130.

    patrick II

    What is so ironic is that Gutfeld tries so hard to be cool on his Fox show. He makes sad, usually rather cruel attempts at humor that are not funny, but the people around him obligingly laugh. But somehow he never gets the cool audience that Stewart or Colbert gets. I don’t think that this book is as much about how conservatives feel uncool, but a sense of his own personal resentment that no matter how hard he tries Gutfeld is just not cool. And he tries so hard.

  131. 131.

    raven

    The eastern world
    it is explodin
    violence flarin
    bullets loadin

    A Reuters reporter on the scene says armed men “thought to be Russian” have entered a Ukrainian military post in Crimea “and take control, no shots fired.”

  132. 132.

    feebog

    @Gin & Tonic:

    @MCA1: Eric Blair: Step 1 – list out everything you cared about that your wife has pitched. [etc., etc..]

    You’ve never been married, right?

    Either that or he forgot Step 4; put a clean sheet and blanket on the couch.

  133. 133.

    Villago Delenda Est

    I’m a hipster, I guess, because I find Gutfeld to be an assclown.

    Yet I’m the one who is a veteran, and Gutfeld is most likely not, because he doesn’t mock the military. I know better.

  136. 136.

    ? Martin

    @MCA1: Any retreat from New Jersey douchebag and it’s immediate descendants is welcome. I’ll take monocles any day if it’s one less douchebag in the world.

  138. 138.

    GxB

    @Bubblegum Tate: I was re-acquainted with Gutfeld a few years back when he was launching regular screeds against the Muzlins (surely the Kenyan Usurper is one!) It took me a while to place the name, then I recalled those old Men’s Health articles that had me rolling my eyes even when I was a wee libertarian-leaning lad.

    I’d try to not prejudge ideas thus had a habit of not reading by-lines; only checking them after something I read caused physical pain. As I recall I’d even mutter words to the effect “Lem’me guess – it’s that fuckin’ idiot Gutfeld again…”

    The more things change…

  139. 139.

    Mnemosyne

    @MCA1:

    – Eric Blair: Step 1 – list out everything you cared about that your wife has pitched. Step 2 – pretend to throw out something of hers, but really just hide it somewhere. Step 3 – when she can’t find it, say you pitched it, let the hissy fit ensue, then say “just kidding, but that’s how I felt when I realized you’d thrown out [crinkling of paper] my…”

    I’m assuming that sentence ends in an ellipsis because that’s the point where your wife slugged you in the face and you spent the rest of the month sleeping on the couch.

    ETA: Not that I’m advocating domestic violence, of course. Just pointing out that sentence’s most likely endpoint.

  140. 140.

    geg6

    @Gin & Tonic:

    I am really admiring the discipline of those Ukrainian troops. They have been sorely tried by the Topless Manly Man and they just keep on keeping on, not giving him the satisfaction.

  142. 142.

    Nathan

    I’m sure that this book “is a very serious, thoughtful, argument that has never been made in such detail or with such care.”

  144. 144.

    Gin & Tonic

    @raven: True. But they seem to know this is at least as much a PR war as a (non)shooting war.

    73% of Russians oppose military intervention in Ukraine. That Putin is a real leaderly leader.

    Oh, and that referendum in Crimea scheduled for Mar 16? The choices on the ballot are “Yes, now” or “Yes, later.” And they’re printing 2.4 million ballots. There are 1.4 million registered voters.

  146. 146.

    Interrobang

    Gutfeld is the jerk who made some kind of crack about there being “more brave Canadians above the soil than below it” referring to a summit somewhere in western Europe, and either ignoring or not caring to know that Canada was in WWI and WWII before the US and lost proportionally more people in both; and also made some really misogynist/homophobic slurs against the Canadian military in Afghanistan, because their commander said they needed to be rotated off for operational readiness reasons. Apparently this means (according to Gutfeld) that our military “wants to take a breather to do some yoga, paint landscapes, run on the beach in gorgeous white capri pants.”

    The guy basically hates everyone and has a perpetual smarm on, probably because he’s convinced everyone else is having much more fun than he is. And if he’s that much of an ass in person, he’s probably right.

  148. 148.

    pamelabrown53

    @Gin & Tonic: Derbys, Fedoras and Bowlers, oh my.

    Who knew that male head wear was the determining factor of the hipsterism that’s destroying our country..

    As a woman, I like “Annie Hall” hats except that I don’t want to be stuck in the 80’s with hat hair to boot.

  150. 150.

    Trollhattan

    Finally threw in the towel and looked the guy up on Wikipedia. I still am unfamiliar with him and his scant works, which is a state I’ll try to maintain. U.C. Berkeley grad–so he took advantage of the nation’s finest publicly financed university and then became a “libertarian.” Isn’t that conveeeenient?

  151. 151.

    raven

    @schrodinger’s cat: Ha, that’s exactly why we planned the addition, refinanced, tore down the deck, cut down trees, hit the sewer line, got shut down and now are in the middle of what looks like an 18 month delay. $5K down the. . .shitter and nothing to show but a big pile of wood chips!

  152. 152.

    woodyNYC

    Nobody gets a hipster hate on really going without hating on hipster women. Their (womanly, mid-30s) thighs. Their erotic tattoos (those bird ones apparently have a hidden meaning, cf sparrows, I think). Their sexual mores. Their attraction to men with groomed facial hair. Their bicycling through Brooklyn bare shouldered on the men’s side of the street in defiance of the modesty law posters. Their hair. Their nekkid bike rides. Their nekkid bike rides in 45F degree weather. Their saggy skin. Their lack of shame at their saggy skin. Their body paint. Their slut pills and abortions. Pretty much every comment about Portland naked bike rides plus Lena Dunham hate, then add misogyny and dial it to 11.

    @Another Holocene Human: So sad when I got to the end of this comment, and I was snapped out of my hipster reverie

  154. 154.

    mark

    Gutfeld’s so short they put the actual book behind him when they shot that cover.

  155. 155.

    Mike in NC

    Gutfeld’s book will come with back cover blurbs from the cool conservatives like Ross Douthat, Tucker Carlson, and Jonah Goldberg.

  157. 157.

    Sad_Dem

    I read a few pages on Amazon preview and noticed that he claims that sharks don’t need oxygen. I guess conservative writers are infallible and don’t need copy editors to write little notes in the margin asking if what the writer meant was sharks don’t need air. Facts are for hipsters.

  161. 161.

    Tone in DC

    @Roger Moore:

    Maybe you could use an animatronic replica so no actual brown people will have to suffer. The wingnuts would be so afraid of the brown skin that they’d never get close enough to tell the difference.

    LULz.

    I concur with this proposed plan of action.

  162. 162.

    danielx

    Well, it is true my usual reaction to seeing someone (male and white) wearing a trilby or pork pie hat either one is “hipster douchebag*”, which I realize makes me a Bad Person prone to categorizing and labeling and so forth. That being said, if (speaking of douchebags) Greg Gutfeld thinks hipsters and cool are the biggest problems with this yere US of A, he need to get out more.

    *Exceptions to this rule: Sean Connery and any woman wearing a trilby. Anything Sean Connery wore in the original James Bond movies is okay by definition, and any woman I’ve ever seen wearing a trilby looks great, although they would look equally great wearing a beret, cowboy hat or feathered headdress. Note: if I ever see a picture of Michelle Bachmann wearing a trilby, all bets are off.

  164. 164.

    Mnemosyne

    @raven:

    Oh, there have been nights when I have contemplating doing that, because when Keaton decides he wants to sleep on the bed, he insists on sleeping sideways. And he’s a Maine Coon, so he’s 2 feet long before you add his tail. Turns out a queen-size bed is not quite big enough for two adult humans and a Maine Coon who wants to sleep sideways.

  166. 166.

    Bob

    @Gin & Tonic:

    If you look on Amazon trilbys and fedoras are one and the same. That’s it. I don’t know and don’t give a shit. You might give a shit so I just wanted to pass that along. If someone above posted on this topic I don’t give a shit about that either.

  167. 167.

    jl

    @Calouste:

    I guess every country has a crazified reactionary minority.

    I saw polls after the Feb 21 coup / disgraceful collapse of the Russophile Yanukovich / confused chaos that said 43 percent of Russians supported some kind of intervention.

    Looks like that plurality has dwindled in the face of calm and prudent Ukrainian response. Maybe that is why Russia is so keen on provoking something soon as a pretext and means to inflame the more gullible in its population.

    I did hear a radio news report that the majority of Russians thought that Crimea was ‘really’ part of Russia (edit: meaning that, they knew it was legally not, but it should be considered part of Russia), not Ukrainian. No date was given for the poll in the news report. So, probably typical Russian attitude is quite mixed about the situation and could be swayed either way by events.

  168. 168.

    ericblair

    @Calouste:

    So 27% of the Russians is with Putin? No wonder the wingnuts love him so much.

    We now have a Universal Theory of Crazification. Link, cuz that shit never gets old.

  170. 170.

    Trollhattan

    @danielx:

    Note: if I ever see a picture of Michelle Bachmann wearing a trilby, all bets are off.

    That’s the Trouble with Trilbys.

  171. 171.

    ruemara

    @Trollhattan: win.

    I often had trouble getting rid of old, worn out gear that just didn’t fit or really do the job anymore. So I threw him out. I also threw out two pairs of trouser socks today, because I finally wore them and the elastic was so worn, they looked like ankle drapes.

  173. 173.

    Mnemosyne

    @Bob:

    Trilbys are for girls and fedoras are for boys.

    If you want to complain about the sexism of having two different names for the exact same thing, be my guest.

  176. 176.

    Barney

    So, I see his previous ‘bestseller’ The Joy of Hate was subtitled ‘How to Triumph over Whiners in the Age of Phony Outrage’. He seems to have disappeared up his own rectum.

  177. 177.

    WereBear

    I have never thrown out anything of Mr. WereBear’s, except the socks with the missing heels, and I warned him. A couple of weeks later, he’s all, “I have no socks!”

  179. 179.

    Joel

    I’m no fan of hipsters, but anti-hipster reactionaries are about ten times as annoying.

  181. 181.

    CONGRATUATIONS!

    These are the desperate scribblings of a born sexually-incapable man whose wife taunts him routinely about his failures in bed while narrating the rather large merits of her ever-rotating parade of lovers.

    You think I’m joking.

  182. 182.

    CONGRATULATIONS!

    These are the desperate scribblings of a born sexually-incapable man whose wife taunts him routinely about his failures in bed while narrating the rather large merits of her ever-rotating parade of lovers.

    You think I’m joking.

  183. 183.

    Jasmine Bleach

    Regarding hipsters, nobody, not even the rain, has such small hands . . .

  184. 184.

    Jamey

    I know Gut personally. He’s an overaged fratboy douche, albeit not without his personal charms. He does not believe one single thing inherent to the libertarian/conservative principles that he espouses. Not one damn thing. It’s an act–like O’Reilly lite.

  186. 186.

    JGabriel

    @Suffern ACE: As someone who probably could have been fairly labelled a pseudo=hipster from the mid-80’s through most of the 90’s, I guess I’m occasionally a fan of hipsters too. So that’s two of us.

  187. 187.

    Suffern ACE

    @JGabriel: in New York, hipsterism was a way for the dreaded transplants to carve out something of a good life cheaply against a local culture that is highly parochial and suspicious of any outsiders.

  188. 188.

    LaurelhurstLiberal

    If Jonah Goldberg had written it, called it “Hipster Fascism”, and put a picture of Hipster Hitler on the cover, I’d of bought it. Too bad!

  190. 190.

    cminus

    @Bob: Fedoras and trilbies aren’t quite the same, for all that some merchants confuse them. They’re very similar hats, but trilbies have narrower brims and a lower crown than fedoras. (They’re also not strictly women’s hats, for all that the original Trilby was female.)

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