Pictured above is a short run to the Suwannee River early Saturday morning, when the air was cooler than the water. It warmed up nicely, reaching the low 70s. We had wonderful weather for my mom’s memorial, which was held outdoors and was more raucous party and jam session than funeral, which is what she would have wanted.
So now we’re in the “life goes on” phase, I guess. As I mentioned the other day, after I get my portion of Mom’s ashes in the Bustelo coffee can, I plan to scatter them in at least three places. One will be a particularly beautiful and remote spot on the Suwannee where we took a canoe trip, and that will allow her ashes to flow past the sites of her siblings’ homes on the Suwannee, which would please her, I think.
I also plan to go camping in North Carolina and release some of the ashes in Hominy Valley. Mom and I broke down there in an RV once (you can read about our zany, madcap adventure here), and while we waited for a mechanic to come fleece us, we marveled at the beauty of the spot.
The last ash scattering will be at a lovely fresh water spring that is near my childhood home town. It’s got incredibly clear, cold water that has an almost turquoise blue hue. It is frequented by manatees in the winter. Before the developers got ahold of the surrounding land, it was a wooded Eden that my parents and their goofball friends would take us kids to for a day of swimming (for the kids) and debauchery (for the adults).
I’ve let my family know I want at least some of my ashes scattered there, if enough of the state remains above water to locate that spring by the time I croak. So I’ve got that going for me.
What are y’all up to tonight?
Yatsuno
Did Imani tell you she was in Tampa?
donnah
It’s a stunning photo, and the perfect companion to your post. Having laid my father to rest just a year ago, I know the jumble of emotions and the sense of completing some of life’s most difficult tasks.
You have been through so much in a short time, and it seems like it would feel like a hurricane hit. I hope you and your family will weather this storm and let yourselves heal. Be gentle with each other.
Peace and hugs!
SarahT
Thanks for posting that lovely photo. And here’s a video which I hope will make you smile: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fiZUIgnSzQE
Tissue Thin Pseudonym (JMN)
When I die one of the my requests is that at my wake, someone must do something stupid with my ashes. If there is a heaven and I’m watching all y’all and my wake ends with all of my ashes still in the urn and not, say, in the punch bowl, I’m going to be very disappointed.
Violet
What a beautiful photo.
Omnes Omnibus
@Violet: I first thought this was a Tom Levenson post.
Cassidy
I’ve told my children that I want to cremated. I have discovered that 1) you can have an urn made in your likeness and 2) anything can be made into a bobblehead. My will will stipulate that my bobblehead urn will be passed from sibling to sibling every three months. They think I’m crazy. I figure I’m making sure they talk to one another at least a couple times a year.
cg
Too many unexpected funerals this past year. Here:
“There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are the messengers of overwhelming grief, of deep contrition, and of unspeakable love.”
-Washington Irving
Punchy
This is all so sad. As a guy, I’m not allowed to shed a tear, which makes it tougher.
Gin & Tonic
Not that I’m hurrying, but my wife and I have a favorite place, and we’ve already made it clear to the kids that that’s where we want our ashes scattered, together. So whichever one of us goes first, somebody’s going to be keeping that coffee can around for a while. Cause neither one of us would want to go there alone.
Betty Cracker
@Yatsuno: I didn’t know! I live not too terribly far from Tampa. I’m not sure Ybor City could withstand a rampage by an Angry Black Lady and a whisky-soaked, grieving Cracker, though. Y’all would see it on the news!
srv
Peace, Mother of Cracker.
I’m going to have my ashes turned into darts. Now I just need someone to launch them into a sub-orbital trajectory that lands wherever that years Goldman Sachs board meeting is.
Helen
For me, I kinda wish there wasn’t even a ashes option. It’s over. Truly I don’t want to burden my loved ones with what to do. Talking about here, but…
I’ll most likely (hopefully?) die in Ireland. I think the ashes thing is illegal there.
They are very Catholic.
But I still want to be around them (those Catholic Irish; well at least those Irish) when I go.
Cervantes
@Betty Cracker: Went up the Ichetucknee again not too long ago — one of my favorite spots in Florida.
Glad you’re in good spirits and rolling with the punches. There is no other way.
Violet
@Omnes Omnibus: Yeah, me too!
a hip hop artist from Idaho (fka Bella Q)
@Betty Cracker: I’m thinking of you this evening. Thank you for that beautiful photo. The grief doesn’t go away of course, but it does have the rough and ragged edges polished down by time to a smooth surface that is also strong, like a lovely rounded piece of rose quartz or tiger’s eye.
And your town is featured in a song, Traveling Alone, from the 2013 Album of the Year at the American Music Awards, Southeastern.
@Violet: From the photo I did too (or three, heh).
Ruckus
I call this the getting on with it phase. Same idea, different words but they have more meaning for me. Have had to be in charge or help with way too many of these to not know that life indeed does go on. Sorry to say it doesn’t get better but it does get easier, the tiniest little bit, day by day. You have family and friends and that is a huge help.
Let the process take it’s path, it’s the easiest way.
@Punchy:
Biggest load of crap. You have tear ducts, unless they don’t work, use them when you need them. Life is good, bad, happy, sad, whatever. Sometimes all in the same minute. Tears help lubricate that, the only sign of weakness is trying to not be human.
Culture of Truth
The usual. Watching Senators stay up all night on C-SPAN2. What? It’s an exciting life.
Suzanne
That’s a beautiful photo. Hugs to you, Betty.
I dealt with quite a bit of death at a young age, and my mom has always been one of those people who liked to plan her funeral and tell me all about it, even as a young kid. This always bothered me. And then with her, uh, incident last year, I just hate it. So I don’t like to talk about funerals or think about it. I don’t really give too much of a crap about where I end up anyway. Whatever my kids wants works for me.
Jim, Foolish Literalist
Gorgeous picture, makes me want to visit Florida.
@Culture of Truth: I just flipped through and saw Angus King speaking. I was glad to see him up there, as an Indy that I always thought might lean to the R’s
jnfr
Best wishes to you and all your family. That picture is gorgeous.
It also shows why True Detective was such an evocative show. The south rules when it comes to atmosphere.
Tissue Thin Pseudonym (JMN)
Sigh. It looks like I need a new water heater.
Violet
@Helen:
Cremation is legal in Ireland. See here. And they’re still Catholic but cumulative scandals, like the Magdalene laundries, the child sexual abuse and the non-Catholic woman of Indian background who died because she couldn’t get her miscarriage dealt with properly have changed that somewhat. The Irish have been outraged by those things and are disgusted with the Catholic church’s response (or lack thereof), particularly to the sexual abuse of children.
aimai
Oddly enough I’m watching The Vikings, season 1, and I just watched the funeral scene where they give Earl Haroldsson a real fiery, viking funeral complete with drugged and murdered slave girl. I wouldn’t mind a funeral pyre on a gorgeous fjord but the actual depiction was pretty horrifying. I’m watching it with a more or less anthropological eye–they seem to be really trying to get at the basic cultural differences between the vikings and the northumbrian saxons in everything from ideas about sex to ideas about death.
jl
Thanks for beautiful pic of the Suwannee and update on memorial for your mom.
CTVoter
Lurker. Occasional commenter. Your mom sounds awesome. You, too. Apple, tree, you know the drill. Keep on, keeping on?
All I can offer.
Keith P
Watching “Devil’s Ride” tonight. What a f’n ridiculous show. I wish I could find some blog about this sight to get the inside scoop – are these guys like those dudes from Bad Grandpa, where they ride together to fight child abuse?
Betty Cracker
@Culture of Truth: I am so out of the loop politically. I’m afraid to ask why the senate is in session.
Helen
@Violet: Oh trust me. I know all about the woman who died from the abortion. And the orphanage scandle is huge. The Catholic church runs Ireland, and Edna Kenny’s speech was unbelievable. He told the Catholic church to STFU. It made me think “OK maybe not so bad.” Also, I was in Ireland last year (April I believe) when the abortion debate was going on, (and like here, it was the female pols who were totally for the law) The Irish are not kidding around anymore. They are moving into the real world.
Also, there was a parade on O’Connell Street for their equivalent of Labor Day. HUGE banner for “the communist party of Ireland” I went to talk to those guys and said “yeah you can do that in America, but your ass would get on Fox News.”
Loved being there at that time.
Also thanks for the cremation link. I had no idea.
Jim, Foolish Literalist
@Betty Cracker: Variously reported as 28 or thirty Senators (including the two Indies) are staging an all night faux-libuster on climate change.
dp
Again, Betty, so sorry for your loss, and best wishes for you and your family.
Culture of Truth
@Betty Cracker: Yes, as Jim said, Senate progressives have take over the Senate from 6:30 pm Monday to 9:00 am Tuesday to talk climate change.
Not as facinating as Ted Cruz reading from Green Eggs and Ham or Paul’s speechifying against domestic Presidential assasinations at Starbucks, but as Jimmy Conners said, this is what they want, this is what they get.
Sen. Coons, just now: “This is a grim long-term outlook.”
Amir Khalid
RIP Joe McGinniss. The author and former next-door neighbour of Sarah Palin has died at 71 of complications from prostate cancer.
kc
What a beautiful picture. And that RV story had me giggling.
Higgs Boson's Mate
Turns out that you can have cremains (cremation ashes) mixed into molten glass. I ‘m going to stipulate that a portion of my ashes be made into a bong.
Violet
@Higgs Boson’s Mate: I think I’ve read you can have remains turned into a diamond–or something resembling a diamond.
Helen
@Amir Khalid: That is sad. And nothing about STUPID Sarah.
Except she better STFU about it.
No. One of the best non-fiction books ever written was Fatal Vision. I read 50 – 75 books a year and that was only the second book I read twice (Catcher in the Rye being the first).
However my point is this: Joe McGinnis was offered boatloads of money to write about the OJ Simpson trial. He spent a few weeks with the jurors. Ana then he gave the money back. Because he said he could not, under any circumstances spend any significant amount of time with those people.
RIP Joe
Hill Dweller
The Twitter machine is saying Cheney went on Fox and said he had been talking to other governments about Obama, and they all think he is weak and unreliable.
The Beltway won’t say a cross word about it.
Violet
@Amir Khalid: And Dick Cheney is still alive.
RIP Joe. Thanks for all your work.
Helen
@Hill Dweller: Has Obama cut off his Secret Service detail? Cheney keeps asking for extensions. Time to cut that shit off. Like every other VP in the history of America. Why does Cheney think he is special?
Higgs Boson's Mate
@Violet:
Yep, you can also have them mixed into vinyl and then cast into all sorts of shapes. Or they can be mixed into clay and sculpted.
Hey, at age 65 these things are of more than passing interest to me.
trollhattan
My buddy, his older son and I scattered their mom/grandma from the summit of a volcanic cinder cone during a backpacking trip a few summers back. His mom, an almost impossibly kind and generous woman, had mentioned to my buddy that “we should take her to one of those nice places you hike to” after she was gone. I was honored and blessed to have been a part of that. The spot itself was, rather than primordial, a virtual newborn geologically speaking. A blending of the old and the new.
Ian
@Hill Dweller:
I think we have established Cheney is so foul hell won’t take him
askew
@Helen:
I thought all Presidents and VPs were guaranteed Secret Service protection for life after their last term in office until Congress passed a stupid law limiting protection to 10 years post-presidency/VP starting with W. Or is that just presidents? All it is going to take is for one Republican to get into the presidency and Obama can kiss his protection goodbye and then we’ll have our first post-presidential assassination unfortunately. And the media will blame both sides for it. I am sure there is a long list of people who want to kill Cheney so I am fine with Obama extending his protection
Does secret service protection extend to first ladies and first children for life as well? Does Hillary and Chelsea still have their protection? I am sure Gore still has his.
joeyess
“Nothin’ grows in the right direction around here…..”
Helen
@askew: Presidents get it for life. VPs do not. For the VP it is limited in years. I’ll go google it. I know for sure, cuz on 911 Gore was on his own.
Helen
@Helen: And to answer your other question: No on the children. Chelsea is on her own. Not sure about the first ladies. I think they get it till death. Not sure.
cckids
@Higgs Boson’s Mate:
Love it. I’m kind of a Christmas fanatic – I have a huge collection of ornaments, we always have at least 2 trees, etc. I’ve told my spouse & kids to make my ashes into ornaments for each of them. They think its weird but appropriate.
askew
@Helen:
Thanks for the additional info. All of my knowledge about Secret Service protection post- presidency mostly comes from the movie “Guarding Tess”. It looks like it was changed to from “for life” for president to 10 years in 1997 and then changed back in 2012. Good, because Obama is going to need it for life.
I really thought Gore still had protection and it was one of the reasons the right bitches about Gore’s carbon footprint.
I wonder if Carter still has his protection?
Question answered by wikipedia: Richard Nixon relinquished his Secret Service protection in 1985, the only president to do so
ruemara
@Punchy: You’re allowed.
I love that photo, Betty. Almost tempting to visit Florida. Almost.
Helen
<a href="http://www.nydailynews.com/news/politics/president-barack-obama-authorizes-extended-secret-service-guard-vp-dick-cheney-article-1.428662 Says here VPs get 6 months after they leave office.
ruemara
@Helen: I see no reason why Cheney is allowed to have any more. The aura of palpable evil should keep most vermin away.
Helen
@ruemara: He keeps asking. And Obama keeps saying yes. Dick thinks Dick is special. Yeah I would be scared shitless too if I sent 8000 American soldiers and 150,000 Iraq’s (don’t even know how many Aghani’s) to their deaths.
Jim, Foolish Literalist
@Helen: I don’t begrudge him protection, it’s the fucking media treating him as if his opinions had any value.
In that vein, Letterman had McCain on tonight. I couldn’t bring myself to watch.
Helen
@Jim, Foolish Literalist: I begrudge him protection cuz no one else gets it.
NotMax
@Helen
Pet peeve.
Afghani is the monetary unit of currency in Afghanistan.
Citizens and natives of Afghanistan are Afghans.
Using Afghani to describe the populace is regarded as a bit of an aspersion, as it was coined as such by Pakistanis to label refugee camps during the Soviet occupation.
seaboogie
Betty,
What a beautiful and evocatively moody photo….
I treasure your commentary – reading your posts is like having dessert for breakfast for me. Thank you for sharing so much of your mother and your experience in having her and losing her, especially so soon after her passing. I hope that this forum offers a means of making such a difficult milestone in your life a bit easier for you – both in the expression you give to us and in the support that you receive.
You are a pip – and so is your Mom! If I ever get stuck on an elevator again, I hope it is with you or the spirit of your Mother…and I will tell those guys from Otis to take their own sweet time…
Helen
@NotMax: My bad. Very embarrassed and I apologize. (Drives me CRAZY when people do not know that Dublin is NOT in the same country as Belfast)
I thank you and I will remember that. Do you know the number? Of the Afghans who were killed? Cuz George is an asshole?
NotMax
Hoping the coffee can is being kept someplace other than the kitchen.
Can envision a scenario wherein a house guest decides to arise early to prepare a surprise thank you breakfast, and – well, you can guess how the rest goes.
The Pale Scot
@aimai: I’ve been watching that too this evening. Ragnor and his wife, Too Cool AND Too Hot? Here’s a guy who really seems to like his job.
Violet
@askew:
Several years ago now I volunteered for a large Habitat for Humanity project. Jimmy Carter was there for it. I think it was his annual Work Project with them. There was a huge volunteer dinner to kick off the event and I ended up sitting at the very back of the room for that.
Suddenly there was a flurry of activity next to me–I turned around and was about five feet from Jimmy Carter who was surrounded by security I assumed were Secret Service. He was there to cut the huge cake that I only then realized was on the table next to mine. I think they sort of spirited him in for the cake cutting. No one had had to have their bags searched or anything. He cut the cake, posed for a few photos with key organizers and was gone.
The project had several sites and he went from site to site over the week. I saw him a few times. He worked on some of the building. He definitely had security guys with him–wearing sunglasses and ear pieces. I don’t know for sure if they were Secret Service, but I’d guess so.
NotMax
@Helen
A difficult number to ascertain, as it is dependent on whether one is counting civilian deaths only (and even then, numbers vary from one reporting organization to another, as numbers change based on whether any lethality is counted or just those directly attributable to ISAF actions) and whether including including police and military deaths.
Very quickly scanned the Wikipedia entry, and it is not a bad starting point.
Was not trying to berate you in any way. It is a common misnomer.
Ruckus
@ruemara:
He is such a frightened little chickenshit. And he has enough money and “friends” that could provide him security. Of course they probably wouldn’t be allowed to carry weapons at all times…..
But I can imagine that President Obama would find not giving him protection might just be a very bad political move. Not necessarily a bad move for humanity but bad politically.
NotMax
@Helen
Also too, this Guardian piece, while not right up to date, is a pretty food rundown of some sources for data.
mclaren
Holy crap, that photo you posted looks like something out of Deliverance or the final episode of True Detective. Where are the girls impaled on antlers, or the pyramid of skulls inside the brick fort?
mclaren
@Helen:
Sure, but the Secret Service can’t do much when Satan arrives to collect on his bargain.
Helen
@NotMax: Oh no. I did not think you were berating me. Truly thanks. I am pretty smart about this stuff; would like to be smarter. I ask about the number because the American government does not count the collateral damage. Really those people literally do no count. Holy crap.
Helen
@mclaren: The problem with your little theory is that there is no such thing as God. Or Satan. Cheney with skate right through his war crimes. I have no doubt that if he is not punished in this life he will never be punished. Forget it. He wins.
andy
This is neither here nor there, but I imagine this item was a pretty strong seller at CPAC.
Joseph Nobles
Right wing gun porn narrative: http://viralsurvival.com/2014/03/10/seventy-two-killed-resisting-gun-confiscation-in-maryland/
SpaghettiLee
My condolences about your mom. I’ve been out for a while and didn’t know.
I’m driving myself nuts waiting for letter from the three remaining grad schools I applied to. Two have already turned me down.
Spaghetti Lee
@Helen:
I’m not sure it’s a ‘theory’ so much as a beautiful dream.
Tommy
@SpaghettiLee: Good luck. What area of expertise if you don’t mind me asking. Grad school, well a wonderful thing for me.
I love to tell stories. My folks took me on a two week trip. To visit grad schools in 1987. Drove through a large part of this nation going school to school. There are some amazing schools in this nation. Even to this day, I visit a new town, and I want to first go visit the campus.
Spaghetti Lee
@Tommy:
MFA in creative writing. Yeah, yeah I know. Majoring in unicorns and minoring in fairy dust. What can I say? My creative writing classes were my favorite (and most academically successful) part of college.
I had the good luck to read an AV Club article a few days ago talking about how so many MFA writing programs these days are full of shit, turning up their noses at anything except a very glossy, affectatious sort of lit fic that I have no interest in writing, but I shouldn’t worry because I don’t have the connections to get anywhere anyway. So now I’m having the standard round of second-guessing. I’m hoping they were mostly talking about Ivy League and East Coast lib arts schools, not the big midwestern state schools I’m looking at. Giving that I’ve been leaning on the fact that grad school starting in a few months will allow me to at least take a few years off from my shitty warehouse job, I don’t know exactly what’s going to happen if I don’t get accepted anywhere.
I got turned down by Michigan-Ann Arbor, who in their letter said they only accepted 2% of applicants this year. And that’s one of the most prestigious programs, but still, holy shit.
Tommy
@Joseph Nobles: Sad isn’t it. I don’t live in what you’d call a liberal town. Heck everybody I know owns guns. Lots of guns. But they use them to hunt. I don’t know (1) anybody that thinks the government is coming to take them away and (2) they need said guns to protect their family.
Tommy
@Spaghetti Lee: Hey nothing wrong with midwest schools (says midwest guy). I could have gone to almost any school but I am a “state” school kind of guy. Or public schools in general. As was everybody in my family. I went to Western Illinois and then LSU and wouldn’t change anything about it.
I recall getting accepted at Duke and hearing what it cost and laughing.
The only school I got accepted at that I didn’t visit was Arizona State. It is hard to argue against LSU and Baton Rouge (where my father got his PhD and I was born) but I hear the women are “nice” at ASU :).
Tommy
@Spaghetti Lee: Oh your major. Let me tell you a happy story. When my father retired he moved into the house my great-grandfather built at the start of the last century. He bought the house across the street from him, for his books. I have a few rooms in my house that have nothing in them but books.
There are still those of us that read. Enjoy reading. Like to read.
So if you want to write, I think there are still some of us that would like to maybe read what you have to say :)!
Spaghetti Lee
@Tommy:
Actually, I might want to ask this when more people are awake, but I do have 20 or so pages of a manuscript I’d love to get a few more opinions on…
Tommy
@Spaghetti Lee: Well I would always say ask for thoughts, but then again a lot of what I read I am sure folks would have told them, “you can’t publish that, nobody would read it.” And well, folks did. Gunter Grass, Tom Robbins, Gabriel García Márquez.
Mustang Bobby
A beautiful tribute to your mother, Betty.
Joseph Nobles
@Tommy: I found that on Facebook. I’m tempted to post this in reply: “To anyone who considers this article even close to an accurate description of America in 2014: Obamacare will cover your meds.” But I’m being good.
Tommy
@Mustang Bobby: Yes it was. Hit home for me, cause well I am a hiker/camper. Learned that from my parents. When most kids I knew as a kid (back in the 70s) were going to Disney World, we were going to climb that hill. Jump in that stream.
By hit home I know exactly where I’d like to have my ashes thrown, just pondering if I will have anybody to do it.
Spaghetti Lee
@Tommy:
Oh, I’ll readily say that my prose style is pretty meat and potatoes: I’m not remotely avant-garde. I’m mostly writing this because it’s a story I want to write, but if I had to pick some sort of larger prove-a-point-to-the-world motive, it would be to write something that proves that teen-oriented urban fantasy doesn’t have to suck, despite what the stuff that gets published and sells big these days would suggest.
Tommy
@Joseph Nobles: No I get it. One of my former co-workers, a guy I really liked. His marriage of like 20+ years ended when he spent close to their total savings buying ammo, cause well Obama was going to take away his guns. He literally bought a truck load or two. I mean a physical truck load.
I begged him not to do it. Said you know a far left liberal (that would be me) and we are NOT taking away your guns.
Those gun magazines you get, those ads telling you to do this, they are using you. You are smarter then this.
He didn’t listen …..
? Martin
@Spaghetti Lee:
My employer is one of the top programs in the nation, and 2% sounds right. They get just under 1,000 apps, admit about 15, and enroll a dozen of them. The problem with these programs is their size. A dozen MFAs per year means there’s just no capacity in the nation. Michigan, Cornell, Boston, Iowa aren’t any larger than ours. By comparison, a top engineering program will be 100x that size. For whatever reason, creative writing doesn’t scale like other disciplines do in academia.
Spaghetti Lee
@? Martin:
Well, it’s probably because the workshop method depends on having a small enough number of people for everyone to read everyone else’s stories and then get to know each other well enough to talk intelligently about them. You can’t do that-quantity or quality wise-in a 300-person lecture hall. These days you could probably incorporate more long-distance stuff, skype and such, but I kinda like workshop, and I think a lot of people do: You can imagine you’re the Algonquin Round Table or something, even if it does violate the dictum of not letting your writing be determined by focus group.
Not sure why there couldn’t be more individual groups of 10-15, so that one group isn’t all they let in. I assume the answer is some variation of ‘no money in it.’ What’s annoying me most of all is that I don’t know what sort of talent I’m competing with, what the admissions people like to read, etc. Again, not a thing hard sciences people have to deal with, you either know your shit or you don’t. Sometimes I’m jealous of that, sometimes not.
Elmo
My mom’s ashes are interred at the military cemetery on Point Loma, in San Diego. Beautiful view from there. Dad was Navy, you see.
But dad remarried, and when he died a little over a year ago, I found out from my brother – not from Dad’s wife. I heard later that she held a memorial for him, but I have no idea when or where.
I’m glad things like that have no real meaning for me, or I’d have been very upset. I had my time with Dad while he was alive – afterwards, I don’t see the point.
No disrespect meant to anyone who does! I’m just not wired that way.
Tommy
@Elmo: Wow didn’t know your father died. Sorry, but alas I don’t know the dynamics. Funerals in my family were/are an elaborate thing. Always with the bagpipes in the distance (yes, we Scottish Americans are here). I’d rather my ashes where just taken to some “nice” place, spread to the wind, and somebody with an iPhone can play Amazing Grace on pipes. Then I hope they say, “well that is done, lets get back to whatever we were doing ….”
? Martin
@Spaghetti Lee:
You’d be surprised. Students can get picked apart pretty well based on their specialty and whatnot. When I applied to grad school (math) I looked up the participants at the conferences I presented at and contacted the attendees at the schools I was applying. After telling them my GPA (acceptable, but not great) and test scores (pretty competitive), two admitted me on the spot because they were looking to pick up a PhD student and I was demonstrably interested in their field. The problem in the sciences is that most students don’t have anything yet to show. I did, and that’s what carried me in spite of probably being at the low end of qualification based on my grades. That’s what carries students into MFA programs as well.
WereBear
Thanks for the lovely picture, Betty. Seems like a great spot. Nature does a lot of the healing for us.
aimai
@NotMax: Are you certain it was coined to be an insult? The addition of “i” to things to make it mean “person from/person identified with” is natural to Hindi, Nepali, and I would assume Urdu since there are Americani, Germani, Nepali, Pakistani, etc..etc..etc… I think the formation long predated the refugee crisis.
Cervantes
@aimai:
He’s right that this sense of “Afghani” was coined during the refugee crisis — by Pakistanis and foreign aid workers. While the origin may have been derogatory — think of “a Paki” as opposed to “a Pakistani” — it’s also true that the word usefully (?) distinguished refugees in Pakistan from Afghans who stayed in Afghanistan (again, you can see the implied criticism).
We need not speak of Afghans who became hounds or blankets.
NotMax
@aimai
What Cevrantes said.
Plus, whether or not the coinage was intentionally demeaning, that connotation has become associated with it.
Sondra
@Gin & Tonic:
That’s a beautiful spot. As for me, I want my ashes to be scattered in a lovely pasture where horses graze. Hopefully I’ll pass away quietly on a long trail ride and my horse will carry me back to the barn at sunset.
I scattered my Mom’s ashes where she most loved to be…in a Mall with Saks 5th. Ave., Channel and Cartier. I know she’s there now happily shopping for all eternity.
Betty Cracker
@Cervantes: We used to have a neighbor who had a blond Afghan hound. She would ride in the passenger seat next to him in his convertible, and from behind, it looked like he was riding with a woman with long blond hair. Startled many a driver at stop signs, I’m sure. That dog was beautiful and sweet but one of the dumbest creatures I’ve ever met. Humans excepted, of course.
JR in WV
Betty, such a wonderful photo on the post. We’re so glad you have such an appropriate place to scatter your Mom’s ashes.
My brother and I sprinkled our Mom and Dad’s ashes together into a waterfall near their home that they visited together many times.
Dad kept Mom’s ashes on his bedside table from 1997 til he died in 2004, he said it was like she was there with him everywhere.
Best wishes for the coming years!
JR and Mrs JR from West Virginia
shortstop
Betty, I’ve not been around and didn’t realize your mom had died. Sending hugs and condolences to you and your family.
This is a beautiful, evocative photo.
RubberCrutch
That is a magnificent photo, Betty. I am jealous. Peace.
Denali
So sorry for your loss. What an evocative photo. Hope healing comes soon as the days pass.