From David Roth, at SB Nation, “Donald Trump Is Not Buying the Buffalo Bills”:
… Everything Trump says — it invariably arrives wrapped in reassurances that This Tweet Is A Fantastic Tweet, Very Popular or that Everyone Loves This Line Of Premium Neckties Available Exclusively At 7-Eleven — scans as a prank. No one does a better Donald Trump imitation than Donald Trump, and his is ruthless.
Another way to say this: the ambient ridiculousness that trails Donald Trump like a cloud of steak-fart and pine cone air freshener scent serves to obscure and overwhelm his every action and utterance. So when Donald Trump talks about buying the Buffalo Bills on April 1, the correct response is to laugh first and assess the idea’s relative seriousness later…
But Trump is indeed “looking at” investing in the Bills, according to an interview with a Buffalo radio station. “I know so many people in Buffalo,” Trump told WBEN-FM, “and they have asked me about looking at that, and I certainly would look at it.” Of course, Trump is also “looking at” running for governor of New York or president of the United States. He is looking at whether vaccines cause autism, and looking at whether Barack Obama was born in this country. He is looking outside, seeing snow on the ground, and then looking at the dubious science behind climate change.
Donald Trump looks at a lot of things, his tiny eyes squinting out of his great freezer-burned Creamsicle of a head, his puckered mouth like the knotted end of a Nathan’s hot dog. Loosen it, and all kinds of nitrite-plumped filler and noxious meat-bits are going to come spilling out…
Trump will not run for governor or president, because he would lose and look laughable doing it, and also because doing things like that is hard. He will not buy all or part of the Bills because he already tried owning a football team, and wound up bankrupting an entire goddamn league…
NotMax
What is the sound of one brand fapping?
Poopyman
@NotMax: Apparently, 2 hours and 20 minutes of silence.
Warren Terra
Needs a link to the hilarious McKay Coppins article “36 Hours On The Fake Campaign Trail With Donald Trump”, which in its own right isn’t complete without some awareness that in response to the article in question Trump went ballistic, got some staff strumpet to allege sexual harassment by Coppins (who is reportedly very Mormon and very married), and fired the press aide who approved the interview.
BruceFromOhio
Priceless.
PurpleGirl
Any comment thread about Trump has to mention the Spy magazine name for him:
short-fingered vulgarian
Spy is dead. Long live Spy.
Patrick
I am still waiting for our so called journalists in our media to ask Trump what his investigators came up with regarding Obama’s birth certificate.Trump claimed that they had dug up some “very interesting information”. And then nothing happened when Trump withdrew from the race. Yet, the media had already repeated Trump’s claim a gazillion times.And then the media NEVER confronted Trump about the truthfulness about his claims.
Uncle Cosmo
Mah frenz, lines like these are what the English language was meant for.
burnspbesq
Your taste in sports journalism is turning out to be every bit as bad as your taste in … Well, everything.
kc
Perfect.
the Conster
‘freezer burnt creamsicle of a head’. That’s really good, and without any context I’d know exactly to whom it referred.
Villago Delenda Est
He’s also the guy who managed to bankrupt a large gaming establishment. Mind you, these things are rigged so the house can’t lose.
Fred
Is there anyone in the world who likes Donald Trump? Is there anyone who doesn’t dislike him?
It occurs to me The Donald may in fact be an Andy Kaufman routine with no end in sight. I mean really, what has the man ever done but drag himself out on stage to be his own carnival barker for his “I’m a disgusting rich guy” show? The hair, the sneers, the stupid stuff the man says, there is no way he doesn’t know what a buffoon he is. It is an intentional one man clown show.
Mitt Romney said all that stuff because he didn’t know any better. The Donald knows exactly what he is doing and thinks he is a scream.
maya
He should buy the Buffalo Bills then move the franchise and change the name: Dannemora Dons would be a perfect fit.
DaddyJ
One thing I do admire about Donald Trump is the service to literature he performs as a metaphor-magnet and inspiration to writers.
Anybody remember Spy magazine and “thick-fingered vulgarian”?
fledermaus
If you want more of Trump’s adventures in football you should watch ESPN 30 for 30 Who Killed the USFL on netflix
JustRuss
This Roth guy can write. If he keeps it up, I may forgive him for leaving Van Halen.
West of the Cascades
As a lifelong suffering Bills fan, I read that headline and pleaded with God and an assortment of minor deities and spirit animals that it was an April Fool’s joke.
Brendan in Charlotte
@West of the Cascades: as did I – another lifelong suffering Bills fan.
Ben
@Brendan in Charlotte:
Thirded. Although Jim Kelly now is too sick to buy them…:(