Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

Something needs to be done about our bogus SCOTUS.

The National Guard is not Batman.

If you can’t control your emotions, someone else will.

This isn’t Democrats spending madly. This is government catching up.

A fool as well as an oath-breaker.

I might just take the rest of the day off and do even more nothing than usual.

These days, even the boring Republicans are nuts.

They don’t have outfits that big. nor codpieces that small.

Putin must be throwing ketchup at the walls.

Giving in to doom is how authoritarians win.

Imperialist aggressors must be defeated, or the whole world loses.

I’m more christian than these people and i’m an atheist.

Teach a man to fish, and he’ll sit in a boat all day drinking beer.

All hail the time of the bunny!

if you can’t see it, then you are useless in the fight to stop it.

Technically true, but collectively nonsense

Dumb motherfuckers cannot understand a consequence that most 4 year olds have fully sorted out.

We still have time to mess this up!

Nancy smash is sick of your bullshit.

If America since Jan 2025 hasn’t broken your heart, you haven’t loved her enough.

Let me file that under fuck it.

There are more Russians standing up to Putin than Republicans.

Jesus watching the most hateful people claiming to be his followers

Come on, media. you have one job. start doing it.

You are here: Home / Open Threads / Late Night Open Thread: Character, Characters

Late Night Open Thread: Character, Characters

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Ben Collins, at Esquire, looks for the silver lining:

… Colbert didn’t want to be in this character forever. He was just good at it…

He dropped his character to speak to his alma mater, Northwestern, at a commencement ceremony in 2011. He joked around a lot, kidded about piercings and the bad economy, but then he ended on this:

“In my experience, you will truly serve only what you love, because, as the prophet says, service is love made visible.

If you love friends, you will serve your friends.

If you love community, you will serve your community.

If you love money, you will serve your money.

And if you love only yourself, you will serve only yourself. And you will have only yourself.

So no more winning. Instead, try to love others and serve others, and hopefully find those who love and serve you in return.”

Reader Interactions

59Comments

  1. 1.

    J.Ty

    His satire show will be missed. In 2015, right? The Report isn’t going anywhere for a bit, right?

    That being said, as an atheist who isn’t named Hitchens, I’m legally obligated to make Andrew Sullivan sad, so: remove the first sentence and I adore that quote.

    ETA: Hi Anne! Thanks for the blogging! I mean it.

  2. 2.

    Lurking Buffoon

    I don’t want to be all doom and gloom, but I’m going to miss Stephen Colbert of the Colbert Report.

  3. 3.

    Suzanne

    OT, but WHATEVER! I found out this morning that I passed my final licensure exam. DONE! Two years of daily studying stress OVER. Now I’m an architect. My boss already changed my title. I’m so fucking excited. Much drinking and relaxing this weekend.

  4. 4.

    cokane

    its great for him to be able to get out of that character. but i think the constraints put on by network tv will kill his comedy’s bite

  5. 5.

    Frankensteinbeck

    Open thread? Good. I mentioned this a few threads back, but it wasn’t appropriate then and is here.

    My book, Please Don’t Tell My Parents I’m A Supervillain, has been the top selling children’s ebook on Amazon for the last two hours. That might mean it has been the top selling children’s ebook, period, since Amazon dominates the market so heavily. I’m not sure. Either way, I am GLOWING with joy. It’s hard to sleep.

    But I mention this particularly because of book number two. Yes, I am outselling friend of the blog, Bill O’Reilly in his brand new bulk order puffed up book. I felt that would amuse the crowd here.

    Also, it means I’m OFFICIALLY bigger than Jesus.

  10. 10.

    greennotGreen

    I’ll miss The Colbert Report, but I now might actually watch some non-cable TV which is something I haven’t done since Fringe ended.

    And congratulations to the two success stories in the open thread, Suzanne and Frankensteinbeck!

  13. 13.

    patrick II

    @ Stephen Colbert:

    @Suzanne:

    @Frankensteinbeck:

    This should be a congratulations thread. Everyone with good news should add in. It is too bad it is so late at night. So, congratulations to Colbert on his new gig, Suzanne on her new status and Frankensteinbeck for his authorial accomplishments! It is nice to hear good news for good people.

  15. 15.

    srv

    @Suzanne: Congrats, we need more liberal Howard Roarks.

    @Frankensteinbeck: I’m thinking you should package a Mr. Coffee with a 374 page children’s book. When’s the audible come out? Enjoy bathing in O’Rielly’s tears.

  16. 16.

    Villago Delenda Est

    Congratulations Suzanne and Frankensteinbeck!

    Oh, yeah, and Stephen Colbert too, I suppose, if we must…

  17. 17.

    TheMightyTrowel

    @Suzanne: @Frankensteinbeck: Guys! What awesome news! Super huge congratulations! So great to hear something is going right in the world!!

    In my good (maybe), weird (definitely) news: I’ve been approached by a TV production company about maybe contributing to or outright hosting a new TV show about archaeology being put together for SBS (a big australian TV network). It’s all very tentative and nothing in the way of definitives or contracts have been brought up yet, but i like what they’re thinking and they seem to like me. Also, first time in my life my crazy accent (hybrid Anglo-American with a bit of wtf thrown in because i speak in a goddamned french register) seems to be part of what they like.

  18. 18.

    Tissue Thin Pseudonym (JMN)

    When it is time to end North Dakota’s season, don’t send for Badgers. Don’t call upon Bulldogs. Ignore Eagles. What you need are Gophers.

    Minnesota wins the NCAA semifinal 2-1. The winning goal was:

    1) Scored with 0.6 seconds left in regulation;
    2) Scored shorthanded;
    3) Justin Holl’s first goal of the season;
    4) A really nice play in which Holl kicked a deflected puck to his stick, used two Whioux defenders as screens, and rifled a nice wrist shot off the far post and into the net.

    So the Gopher men will play for the national title two weeks after the women lost the national title game 5-4 to Clarkson. Between the two teams, they’ve never won both championships in the same year, but one or the other won it all in 2000; 2002; 2003; 2004; 2005; 2012; and 2013, with a chance to add 2014 to the list.

  21. 21.

    patrick II

    @TheMightyTrowel:

    Congrats to you to on your possible TV gig. Man, there is some talent here. In my case, I can at least watch TV, although some of the remote controllers are getting a little complicated for me. (I am old enough to remember getting up from the couch and walking across the room to change channels — it was called a knob.) Oh, and today is my birthday and my lovely wife of 40 years is taking me out to my favorite restaurant later today. She has been a kind and patient blessing to me and I love her dearly.

  22. 22.

    A Humble Lurker

    @Frankensteinbeck: @Suzanne:
    Congrats! That is all just cool for too many reasons. I envy you both.

    On the subject of Colbert, I’m surprised so many people worry about him watering down his material for late night…in the same threads in which his correspondence dinner is posted. Dude, he didn’t water himself down for the PRESIDENT; what makes ya’ll think he’s afraid of the late night viewer ship?

    One thing I am curious about is how the Colbert Report will be ending; what the story will be for the Colbert character to be going away. I’m sure they could do something really funny with that. Maybe the set could get infested with bears or something.

  26. 26.

    PurpleGirl

    @Suzanne: You go girl. Congratulations. Passing the exam is good, getting a new title is good, achieving your goal and dream is great.

  27. 27.

    raven

    “Having a press conference for Sibelius’s departure reminds one of the “Mission Accomplished” speech! Guess who?

  30. 30.

    OzarkHillbilly

    Too many happy people on this thread…. grumble grumble…. been awake since 1… grumble grumble… I’m gonna go find somebody miserable to grouse with.

  33. 33.

    PurpleGirl

    Frankensteinbeck: Book news is really good. Keep the writing coming.

    The Mighty Trowel: Yay! a TV presenter. If/when the show happens let us know. And let us know if if will available for viewing outside of Australia. (I love shows about archeology.)

  34. 34.

    Keith G

    @patrick II:Recently, I bought a “smart TV” which is in the living room. How smart is a TV whose only…only user interface is through a remote? A while ago, the remote ended up in blankets that had then been moved to the bedroom closet and for a time I had the world’s most inconveniently shaped $500 paperweight.

  35. 35.

    Baud

    And if you love only yourself,
    you will serve only yourself.
    And you will have only yourself.

    Oh, crap. That’s me.

  36. 36.

    Fort Geek

    My good news: I’m finally getting something done about my legs. For several years I’ve had poor circulation that’s puffed my lower legs and feet up and is causing some bad-looking discoloration and blistering from fluid collecting under the skin. I’ve gone from wearing size 9 sneakers to size 12 deck shoes–and on a bad day even those won’t fit.

    My doc got the go-ahead from Medicaid or Medicare for some kinky air boots and compression socks to clear this stuff up. These items also come with one (1) blonde and one (1) brunette to manage and maintain the medical aspects. I inquired about adding one (1) redhead, and it seems there already is one at the doctor’s office, but she doesn’t come to my house, so it doesn’t really count.

    The blonde lady says that my legs will be looking normal again within 3 months. As the kids say on the intarwebz, “w000000t!”

  37. 37.

    Sherparick

    @Suzanne: Congratulations.

    @Frankensteinbeck: Great News about the book.

    @TheMightyTrowel: This is the Happy Thread now is it not

    @patrick II: Happy Birthday, and your best present is your wife

    @Fort Greek: Good for you and good luck!

    Meanwhile the news about Steven Colbert has made Rush and the Clowns at Breitbart sad. lawyersgunsmoneyblog.com/2014/04/today-republican-minority-outreach

    My cup of schadenfreude flows over:-) Ben Shapiro is so far up his own ass that his own work product outshines anything Colbert or the Onion could produce.

  40. 40.

    OzarkHillbilly

    @Betty Cracker: So Monday night I woke up at midnight with the muscles of both thighs locked in a death struggle for about a half hour, then spent the rest of the night as each muscle tried to get the last word in. Been dealing with this sh!t all my life but because I am now on blood thinners they seem worse and the bruising is worse. Tuesday night I spent most of awake because I just knew there was going to be a rematch and was afraid to move for fear that would set them all off again. Finally dozed off about 3:30. My alarm went off at 4.

    So at 6am Wed morning I showed up at the hospital for my stress test and CT scan in just fine form (no sleep, no food, no COFFEE!!!) and here are all these cheery smiling people wanting CONVERSATION, (X-ray tech: “So, you live in town?” me: “No.” “North of town?” “No.” “Bourbon?” “No.”….) End result of my morn? The heart is good for another 10 yrs and CT results won’t be in for a week. And I had to spend how many hundreds of dollars for that??? What do you mean I’m not gonna die yet??? Not to mention I did not make any money that day.

    Yesterday I spent the morn fixing a couple of screwups the guys did when I wasn’t there the day before and went to the ENT in the afternoon only to find out that nothing is really wrong with my throat that giving up coffee, booze, tomatoes, and pizza won’t fix. So I looked at him and said, “Why don’t you just shoot me now?” And he laughed. I’m being serious, and he laughs. So, $20 and half a days lost wages to find out I’m going to have a sore throat for the rest of my life ’cause no way in hell I am giving up all that. I already gave up Scotch and cigarettes, I might as well give up breathing!

    So last night, I, again, woke up at 1, tossed and turned till finally dozing off at 3:30…. And my alarm went off at 4.

    TGIF. And my granddaughter is coming over for the wkend. So the tide is about to turn.

  41. 41.

    sparrow

    I’m kind of bummed, to be honest, as I think colbert was providing a very valuable service (to both my sanity and to the political dialog in this country). I’ve only ever flipped through “late night” TV a few times, and it seems, frankly, really unappealing. It’s entirely focused on gossip and trivialities, and aimed for a low-IQ market. Meh.

  43. 43.

    JPL

    Congrats to all! It’s nice to wake up and read all the wonderful news from fellow commenters.

  44. 44.

    sparrow

    @OzarkHillbilly: All of that sounds pretty crappy! But if I may suggest, you could make some modifications to your diet rather than stripping things out wholesale. Easiest one would be to switch to a low-acid coffee. For alcohol, maybe stick to beer (even better, the less carbonated ones, like English Ales). For pizza, buy the “white pizza” that doesn’t have tomato sauce. Also, fresh tomatoes are probably better than the canned kind that they add citric acid and other preservatives to. I’m assuming your problem is GERD — I had it for years. I also found that a small amount of melatonin at night helped. Good luck. :(

  46. 46.

    Betty Cracker

    @OzarkHillbilly: RE: the charlie horse problem, I’m sure you’ve looked into home remedies, but I’ll throw two out there nonetheless — eat bananas for the potassium, and if your calf muscle locks up, grasp your upper lip between your thumb and index finger and pinch the hell out of it (accupressure). I had hideous leg cramps when I was pregnant, and these two techniques seemed to help. Or at least my lip hurt so bad I forgot about my legs.

    I also spent a sleepless night last night thanks to my stupid dogs. I actually fell asleep at a reasonable hour, but those two bozos kept barking at a cat or possum or something at half-hour intervals. This is unusual for them, but I was about ready to stuff a pair of throw pillows down their gullets to shut them up. Dumb mutts.

    THEN, I dozed off for half an hour just before the alarm went off and had awful nightmares and woke up with a terrible sore throat and stuffy nose. Damn!

  47. 47.

    EconWatcher

    Rush Limbaugh claims that the network’s hire of Colbert is an all-out assault on American values. I really hope he keeps that up.

    Let’s let the public compare the slim, boyishly good lucking, charming, and obviously decent Colbert with the likes of Rush. Ad they can decide which one represents American values.

  48. 48.

    satby

    Happy thread to start the day with! Congrats to Suzanne, Franenstienbeck, TheMightyTrowel, patrickII, and Fort Greek on all the good news.
    I’ll also miss “Stephen Colbert” but Stephen Colbert deserves a chance to go do whatever he wants next, he’s earned it after becoming a “most trusted news source” the last few years.

  49. 49.

    Gin & Tonic

    Congrats, Suzanne. I remember how excited we all were when my now-ex-BIL passed, on his first try. I know it’s difficult, so kudos.

  56. 56.

    Origuy

    @TheMightyTrowel: I look forward to bootlegging it like I have Time Team and all the other archaeology shows from Britain. (I recommend hola.org for all your proxy server needs.)

  57. 57.

    Mnemosyne

    @EconWatcher:

    Let’s let the public compare the slim, boyishly good lucking, charming, and obviously decent Colbert with the likes of Rush. Ad they can decide which one represents American values.

    Not to mention, happily married, to his first wife, with a passel of adorable young’uns.

  58. 58.

    Jacel

    I would not be surprised if Pope Francis is a guest on The Late Show with Steven Colbert. I suspect that the real Steven Colbert is the sort of active Catholic that Francis is glad belongs to his church.

  59. 59.

    Jackie

    @sparrow: I’m in your corner. I LOVE Steven Corbert! But I watched his commencement speech to his Alma Mater and that was the REAL Steven Corbert. And I loved it.

    The Comedy Channel is losing a great show – but CBS and mainstream TV is gaining a great personality. Much like Jimmy Fallon replacing Jay Leno.

    Anything that makes Rush Limbaugh go crazy is all right with me :)

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