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You are here: Home / Pet Blogging / Cat Blogging / I Now Have No Pets

I Now Have No Pets

by John Cole|  April 20, 20149:39 pm| 52 Comments

This post is in: Cat Blogging, Dog Blogging, Open Threads

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Lily has forsaken me:

shamelessness

I now have three pets I feed every day, give shelter, pay medical bills, brush, and one of the pets shits in a box in my house that I have to clean daily, and they return the favor by spending every minute feeding Shawn affection. It reminds me of the old Bill Cosby routine where he talked about spending 20+ years teaching his kid how to play football, and in his one moment on national television, looks at the camera and says… “HI MOM! I LOVE YOU!”

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Previous Post: « Sunday Evening Open Thread: Rage of Thrones
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Reader Interactions

52Comments

  1. 1.

    Jell-OH Schott

    April 20, 2014 at 9:48 pm

    Give Lily a scritch for me.

  2. 2.

    Comrade Mary

    April 20, 2014 at 9:51 pm

    Just make sure you get Shawn something nice for Mother’s Day.

  3. 3.

    Kifaru1

    April 20, 2014 at 9:58 pm

    Welcome to my life! Doesn’t matter which set of dogs we have had in the last 18 years, they always run to my husband for fun.

  4. 4.

    PurpleGirl

    April 20, 2014 at 9:59 pm

    Don’t hate me JC but Lily is looking at Shawn with such love in her eyes. She’s been bewitched by him.

  5. 5.

    aimai

    April 20, 2014 at 10:01 pm

    The way I see it Shawn is another one of your pets. You’d be thrilled if lily, rosie and steve all liked to cuddle one another. Why be jealous of Shawn?

  6. 6.

    Yatsuno

    April 20, 2014 at 10:03 pm

    @aimai: I don’t think Shawn gets to sleep in the bed with JC. I don’t think anyway…

  7. 7.

    Comradde PhysioProffe

    April 20, 2014 at 10:06 pm

    You let that dude wear a fucken Ravens cap in your house? I don’t tolerate any Redde Socke shittio in my house, even from my best friends.

  8. 8.

    YellowJournalism

    April 20, 2014 at 10:06 pm

    Oh, John, sounds like you’re the Momma. It’s almost the opposite of being the daddy in a people kid relationship. Just wait until one of them is cared or sick, though, and they won’t leave your side. My little gal always goes to my husband first when we get home, but when she was sick and in the vet hospital, she wouldn’t let anyone but me touch and comfort her.

  9. 9.

    srv

    April 20, 2014 at 10:06 pm

    Like me, they only loved you when you were a ranting drunk.

  10. 10.

    Mnemosyne

    April 20, 2014 at 10:10 pm

    @Yatsuno:

    At this rate, it’s only a matter of time. Soon we’ll be getting complaints from Cole that he had to sleep on the couch because Lily and Shawn were snuffling into his armpits too much.

  11. 11.

    YellowJournalism

    April 20, 2014 at 10:11 pm

    @Mnemosyne: Or that Shawn requested John switch deodorants.

  12. 12.

    Violet

    April 20, 2014 at 10:13 pm

    Lily is so cute. I just love her.

  13. 13.

    p.a.

    April 20, 2014 at 10:19 pm

    Help him get that CDL and get him on the road toot sweet if you want your babbies back.

  14. 14.

    p.a.

    April 20, 2014 at 10:22 pm

    On a more serious note a mid-haul (I don’t remember long-hauling being an option) trucking is a real challenge to someone with dietary restrictions.

  15. 15.

    beth

    April 20, 2014 at 10:22 pm

    Aw fuck – I feed the dog, I walk the dog, I take her to the dog park and everywhere else and I spend lots of time playing catch with her. And when my husband walks in the house in the evening, it’s like I just don’t exist anymore. I feel John’s pain.

    By the way, has anyone here yet remarked on just how fine our President looked today going to church? Damn he was rocking the GQ look today.

  16. 16.

    Punchy

    April 20, 2014 at 10:28 pm

    @Comrade Mary: at this point, I think an engagement ring may be in order…

  17. 17.

    Yatsuno

    April 20, 2014 at 10:33 pm

    @Punchy: Heck someone has to get the lawsuit in West Virginny rolling.

  18. 18.

    trollhattan

    April 20, 2014 at 10:39 pm

    @Comrade Mary:

    Thread be ovah….

  19. 19.

    Rarely Posts

    April 20, 2014 at 11:11 pm

    First, Lily completely adores you, and Shawn cannot possibly get between the two of you. He may be the visiting Rock Star, but you are her sun and moon and celestial temple.

    Second, and undermining the first point, I think Shawn is super cute, and if he were gay, I’d totally want to be cuddled up with him, Lily style.

    There, that should be awkward enough for everyone involved.

  20. 20.

    MikeJ

    April 20, 2014 at 11:11 pm

    Tonight Cosmos features the woman (yes woman) who determined the earth is 4.5 billion years old and also pointed out the dangers of lead in the atmosphere.

    What percentage of their shit will the teabaggers lose?

    ☐ 25
    ☐ 50
    ☐ 75
    ☑ 100

  21. 21.

    Dcrefugee

    April 20, 2014 at 11:12 pm

    Did you know eggs and wheat are in chocolate cake?

  22. 22.

    ulee

    April 20, 2014 at 11:16 pm

    @Rarely Posts: You’re starstruck, obviously, as is John. Shawn needs to get a job.

  23. 23.

    amk

    April 20, 2014 at 11:25 pm

    heh, who wants to live with a raging alcoholic ?

    @MikeJ: stealed and tweeted.

  24. 24.

    CaseyL

    April 20, 2014 at 11:29 pm

    Lily looks absolutely mesmerized. Besotted.

    John, I think you need to see the movie “Single White Female” :)

  25. 25.

    Culture of Truth

    April 20, 2014 at 11:31 pm

    Dogs have no loyalty.

    Cats on the other hand…loyalty?

  26. 26.

    KG

    April 20, 2014 at 11:39 pm

    @Dcrefugee: yes, that’s why chocolate cake is healthy!

  27. 27.

    StringOnAStick

    April 20, 2014 at 11:40 pm

    They’re all just trying to be exceptionally good hosts to your guest, whom they figured out has strong ties to you from a long time ago, and they are only doing it to make you look like the best host/friend ever. That, or they are total sluts.

  28. 28.

    Joel

    April 20, 2014 at 11:54 pm

    Don’t you mean the Carlos Mencia joke?

  29. 29.

    Elizabelle

    April 20, 2014 at 11:55 pm

    Well, if that’s the worst problem you gots …

  30. 30.

    Mike E

    April 20, 2014 at 11:57 pm

    @MikeJ: @amk:
    Not a lady, a dude: C C Patterson was called Connie, why, I don’t know but, yeah. Male.

  31. 31.

    LanceThruster

    April 21, 2014 at 12:00 am

    We all luvs us some strange from time to time…

  32. 32.

    Yatsuno

    April 21, 2014 at 12:00 am

    @KG: THAT’S NUTRITION!!

  33. 33.

    MikeJ

    April 21, 2014 at 12:02 am

    @Mike E: Oh, too bad. It hasn’t aired here on the west coast yet.

    He still did enough to piss off teabaggers though. They wouldn’t accuse Neil deGrasse Tyson of trolling them every week if they weren’t so easy to troll.

  34. 34.

    SG

    April 21, 2014 at 12:04 am

    @MikeJ:

    It was Clair Cameron Patterson, a man, who was the geochemist who determined the age of the Earth. Sorry. Granted, the cheesy animations can fool you. I love the show, but those animations and substandard CGI are surprising in such a prestige production.

    John, Lily has a heart large enough to love you both, and besides, I’m sure she’ll always love you best. Same with Rosie. Steve, like every cat, will always love himself best.

    Also, can you please get Shawn to take off that damned baseball cap for 30 seconds? I’m beginning to think must wear it like a weird kind of man-burka.

  35. 35.

    MikeJ

    April 21, 2014 at 12:06 am

    @SG: Right now NdGT is taking on archbishop Usher head on. Bwahahahah.

  36. 36.

    KG

    April 21, 2014 at 12:20 am

    @Yatsuno: exactly

  37. 37.

    Omnes Omnibus

    April 21, 2014 at 12:22 am

    @Dcrefugee: And milk. Milk does a body good.*

    *Brought to you by the Milk Marketing Board.

  38. 38.

    KG

    April 21, 2014 at 12:27 am

    @Joel: what you did there, it has been seen, and it has been noted

  39. 39.

    Anne Laurie

    April 21, 2014 at 1:14 am

    @Mike E: With a name like Clair Cameron, he was probably called much worse things in grade school!

  40. 40.

    BubbaDave

    April 21, 2014 at 1:31 am

    Lily has two daddies.

  41. 41.

    Omnes Omnibus

    April 21, 2014 at 1:32 am

    @BubbaDave: And everyone should be okay with that.

  42. 42.

    Omnes Omnibus

    April 21, 2014 at 1:41 am

    Hey, John Cole, I am actually listening to American Beauty right now. This is a once in every 17.5 year event.

  43. 43.

    Omnes Omnibus

    April 21, 2014 at 2:07 am

    @Omnes Omnibus: And it is over.

  44. 44.

    Pogonip

    April 21, 2014 at 2:25 am

    Shawn of the Dead: bringing permanently sleeping dogs back to life since 2014.

  45. 45.

    Laertes

    April 21, 2014 at 3:34 am

    Lily is gorgeous. You’re a lucky man.

  46. 46.

    Cermet

    April 21, 2014 at 5:46 am

    When my daughter achieves fame and fortune, I will be fine with the lack of recognition – really, isn’t going the right thing its own reward with the knowledge that in fact, you did the both good for someone you love and helped the world become a better place??

  47. 47.

    bob h

    April 21, 2014 at 6:17 am

    Last week my wife got a tearful call from a friend who had been evicted and whose German Shepherd had been taken to a NJ dog pound. We retrieved the dog and placed it with an animal rescue neighbor. However, the dog proved hostile to men, and the German Shepherd rescue organization in NJ did not respond to our calls.

    So we had to have her euthanized. As she waited at the vets, she sensed what was coming and started to shake uncontrollably. I am haunted by that, but at least she was among friends at the end.

  48. 48.

    Suffern ACE

    April 21, 2014 at 8:34 am

    @Cermet: hell no. I want my name in the Oscar speech. I want tickets to the man of the year dinner.

  49. 49.

    Tone in DC

    April 21, 2014 at 9:24 am

    We retrieved the dog and placed it with an animal rescue neighbor. However, the dog proved hostile to men, and the German Shepherd rescue organization in NJ did not respond to our calls.

    So we had to have her euthanized. As she waited at the vets, she sensed what was coming and started to shake uncontrollably.

    I am not a veterinarian. Nor do I play one on TV.
    What is this? Any male that is around this dog gets barked at, or bitten?

  50. 50.

    bob h

    April 21, 2014 at 11:18 am

    @Tone in DC: She was aggressive towards most of the men who came thru the house, and it was just a matter of time before someone got bitten. So go fuck yourself.

  51. 51.

    Tone in DC

    April 21, 2014 at 12:19 pm

    So go fuck yourself.

    It was an actual question, I don’t grok such animal behavior.
    As for your suggestion… You first, asshole.

  52. 52.

    Peter Sinn

    April 25, 2014 at 8:54 am

    I am a hands on dog owner. I always make sure that everything is in its best when it comes to my cuddly pet Yana. I was jealous at one time because she was very close to my mom, as if I don’t exist at that moment. And then I suddenly remembered when I was not around for a week for a business trip, she was not feeling well. My mom was the one who took care of her until she was well. I read in a certain article that for some instance dogs might feel a so called “Huff” when their owner is not around specially when they are ill. Maybe the dog just feel the same way. Try to remember an instance that you were not around when your pet needs you most.

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