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You are here: Home / Open Threads / Late Night Open Thread

Late Night Open Thread

by John Cole|  May 1, 201412:30 am| 89 Comments

This post is in: Open Threads

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Picked up my new glasses today and felt like I was having an acid flashback for a couple of hours while I got used to the new prescription. I tried them on in the shop and had them fitted, and said to myself “No fucking way I am driving home with these on.” I’d put off getting a new prescription when the last checkup I was told I would need bifocals, and probably waited too long for a new scrip. Everything seems clear and readable now. In other words, I am an asshole who fears doctors more than the repercussions. Film at 11.

Had a good laugh with the hot lady fitting me, because the only frames that fit me, and I shit you not, were called Fatheadz, and I pointed out that when I was in the Army they had to special order my hats because I was a size eight when I was 155 lbs. My running joke is that if I was a cowboy I would need a twelve gallon hat. Don’t even get me started on lacrosse helmets. The reason I had a mullet and wore a bandanna when I played was because if I didn’t, I would have lacerations on the back of my neck from hitting people (I played crease D) and the helmet was too small and cut my neck really bad.

Other than that, a very quiet night in the household. Shawn is now an official WV resident with WV tags and WV voter registration and WV license and we both high fived when he got his first piece of mail (Or maybe I may have said “Well, fuck, guess I am not getting rid of you now“). I told him it will be official that he is a resident when someone tries to drop off the complimentary broken washer and dryer in the back yard and hand him a basket of fresh pepperoni rolls and a WVU football sticker. He has a bunch of job leads but is waiting on the meeting with the VA rep on Friday, who will find him jobs that have a higher salary and less emphasis on healthcare, because as a combat vet he has the VA healthcare (which contrary to what Republicans say, is actually kind of great).

Quick Holly update- she is doing very, very well. With this kind of situation there are up and down days and moments, but from everything Greg is saying, she is rope a doping this whole aneurysm thing and showing positive signs every day, getting better and impressing her doctors, and taking the down moments in stride. This chick is a fighter. She is going to be ok, I just know it.

Dogs are on the lap, watching some boob tube, eating some popcorn (I have a new addiction- make popcorn and then instead of salt and pepper, just use Old Bay), and all is good. Hope all is well with you.

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Reader Interactions

89Comments

  1. 1.

    Omnes Omnibus

    May 1, 2014 at 12:35 am

    Size 8?

  2. 2.

    jnfr

    May 1, 2014 at 12:35 am

    You sound good, John, and that’s a good thing.

  3. 3.

    PurpleGirl

    May 1, 2014 at 12:36 am

    Thanks for the update on Holly. Yes, she may have some down moments but as long as she keeps having up and forward moments all will be good. We have to keep praying and thinking healing thoughts for her.

    John, are your new glasses bifocals or trifocals?

    ETA: Back to kitten watching. http://new.livestream.com/cassieskittenkastle/freakykittens?logged_in=1398869736

  4. 4.

    Suzanne

    May 1, 2014 at 12:40 am

    YAAAAAAY HOLLY!! It is just great to hear that she’s doing so well.

  5. 5.

    dp

    May 1, 2014 at 12:44 am

    Thanks for the good news on Holly.

  6. 6.

    John Weiss

    May 1, 2014 at 12:45 am

    John,

    Everything is wonderful here in Paradise. That’s the woods in SW Oregon. Rose D. and I are still in love, thirty two years and counting. I had blood work done, a fresh new experience, and it said that I am still disgustingly healthy, as is my belle of the ball.

    Today we sat the Curry County Democrat HQ and I had my back worked on by one of the prettiest chiropractors I’ve ever seen. Saw a bunch of stone for a counter top in the in the process remodel of the hallway bathroom.

    We have a running joke about our ‘first-world problems’, the latest being all these talented folks wanting to tromp about at the ungodly hour of eight o’clock in the morning. I’m telling you, we can’t take much more of these friendly talented folk tromping around the house.

    I’m sorry to hear about your head, if I had advice, I’d make an exception and offer it. I’m skipping the jokes.

    I wish you all lived down the road. I’d cook you all some ribs. And I always have some beer.

    JW

  7. 7.

    ruemara

    May 1, 2014 at 12:46 am

    Good for Holly and for Shawn. Welcome to the oddness of new prescriptions. Tomorrow, I turn over my keycard and parking placard at the end of the day. It seems so odd. I had a decent interview for a tv job today. Not sure if I’d really jump ship, these guys need me and I like being close to my place, but I just got a medical bill for nearly 300 thanks to my doctor ordering blood tests. Plus I’ll owe for some dental work. I can’t really afford the modest pay. But, I’ve been turned down for all the better paying gigs, so I went in looking mildly ok, no laptop, no dvd, not even an extra resume. Of course, if I get an offer, I’ll laugh.

  8. 8.

    sharl

    May 1, 2014 at 12:47 am

    Yaaaay Shawn,
    and YAAAAAY HOLLY!* (*stolen from Suzanne, ’cause it’s true).

  9. 9.

    Citizen_X

    May 1, 2014 at 12:47 am

    Hooray for Holly!

    So, speaking of lacrosse, you hear about Jay Z’s dis? Haters wanna ball, let me tighten up my drawstring / Wrong sport boy, you know you soft as a lacrosse team.

  10. 10.

    ruemara

    May 1, 2014 at 12:47 am

    @John Weiss: Congrats to you both

  11. 11.

    Ted and Hellen

    May 1, 2014 at 12:53 am

    Are you and Shawn lovers? WTH is going on?

  12. 12.

    Omnes Omnibus

    May 1, 2014 at 12:54 am

    It is the last few minutes in my time zone for this song.

  13. 13.

    Tommy

    May 1, 2014 at 12:58 am

    LOL. I am 44. Just got my first glasses. Had them about a month and still can’t get used to them. Told I needed bifocals as well. My sight was both just a little off right in front of my face and at a distance. I knew close up it was a problem, why I went in for an exam. Didn’t know a problem at a distance.

    Now I know that HD 60 inch TV I have in fact has a better picture with my glasses on :).

    Close up, well on a computer were I spend like 12-15 hours a day I can’t get used to them. I’ve had to pull the monitors like within a foot or so of myself. If I turn to a legal pad of paper, where I still do a lot of stuff, I can’t adjust my eyes. And clearly I can’t walk around with them.

    Ugh … middle age ….

  14. 14.

    Mnemosyne

    May 1, 2014 at 1:02 am

    Another goddamned migraine. I need to call my doctor again so she can fax a note to the allergist so the allergist’s staff will let me make a fucking appointment, because they won’t let me make one without something in writing.

    And at least they conceded that it can just be a note — they were asking for a specific form and referral number that my doctor doesn’t use, because she’s a sole practitioner. Kee-rist.

  15. 15.

    seaboogie

    May 1, 2014 at 1:02 am

    Hope all is well with you.

    That didn’t sound like a very Cole-ish sign off – but maybe you vented all your ire over to the grocery store with the idjit earlier. Great news on the Holly and Shawn fronts – thanks for keeping us posted.

  16. 16.

    Omnes Omnibus

    May 1, 2014 at 1:05 am

    I won’t do bifocals when it comes time. My glasses for nearsightedness get worn only part-time. Watching movies and driving at night. Once far sightedness comes into play, I will do a separate pair of reading glasses.

    ETA: Yeah, fuck it, I am vain.

  17. 17.

    Tommy

    May 1, 2014 at 1:07 am

    @Omnes Omnibus: Makes me think of this:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zhSA8FwdS2A

  18. 18.

    Ruckus

    May 1, 2014 at 1:07 am

    @Tommy:

    Ugh … middle age ….

    Just wait, it gets better. If you believe that I’ve got some prime real estate that I’ll let you have for a small sum.
    Talking today with a coworker about how much longer I will be able to put in a decent days work. Was hoping for 3-4 yrs more but some days that sounds like a lifetime away.

  19. 19.

    Mnemosyne

    May 1, 2014 at 1:09 am

    Also, too, glasses-wise all of you are pikers. I’ve been wearing the damn things since I was 6 years old and can’t see more than a foot in front of myself without them. (I kept getting eye infections from contacts, so I had to give them up.)

    I’m seriously considering getting Lasik next year because I started thinking about how awful it would be to be in a hospital or nursing home when I get old and be unable to see without glasses.

  20. 20.

    Tommy

    May 1, 2014 at 1:16 am

    @Ruckus: No I get you. My only hope is my genes. My grandfather passed away at 93 a few years ago. That age or near is common in my family. I recall him at 91 telling me to “pull up my skirt” and “be a man” to help him chop down a tree so he could take it home, plane it. Make something out of it. He made all 14 grand kids a functioning grandfather clock by hand.

    *He didn’t say that, said don’t be a pansy, I think my phrase is better :).

  21. 21.

    Comrade Mary

    May 1, 2014 at 1:17 am

    @Omnes Omnibus: I found out the hard way that my new “progressive” lenses undercorrect my distance vision (to make the computer screen rread clear and sharp) and have a tiny and inadequate close vision area. I take my glasses off to read, thank you. The next lenses I get, I’ll get as under-corrected distance glasses only. It will be a lot cheaper.

    If I wear progressive contact lenses, they work OK for the computer and distance, but require reading glasses for print. If I fully correct for distance only, they work well for distance only, requiring reading glasses on top to read or use the computer. And if I half-ass the monocular approach (under-correcting distance in my dominant eye and fully correcting for distance in the other), I have something that’s just adequate for all distances.

    Middle age sucks.

  22. 22.

    chopper

    May 1, 2014 at 1:17 am

    lol, what’s up with all you guys who don’t have better-than-perfect vision? i mean, come on.

  23. 23.

    PurpleGirl

    May 1, 2014 at 1:18 am

    @Omnes Omnibus: I’ve worn glasses since I was 12. I tried bifocals but couldn’t manage them. Since I also use the distance usually only at night, for TV or movies, I use two pairs of glasses. It’s easier for me and I’m used to it now. Nothing about vanity, just what is most convenient.

    ETA: Just couldn’t move my head to the correct angles for using the different halves of the lenses.

  24. 24.

    Comrade Mary

    May 1, 2014 at 1:18 am

    @Omnes Omnibus: Which means it’s now time for this song.

    EDIT: It’s worth turning on captions for this one. And yeah, the chorus is NSFW.

  25. 25.

    Omnes Omnibus

    May 1, 2014 at 1:21 am

    @chopper: My dad is in his 70s and doesn’t have glasses. I suspect that he would benefit from reading glasses, but his arms are still long enough.

  26. 26.

    Tommy

    May 1, 2014 at 1:22 am

    @Mnemosyne: Four eyes :).

    That you have always worn them I wish that wasn’t the case. At 44 for the first time I can’t get used to wearing them. You worn them as a child. I am not a child. I might go with contacts. I can touch my eye with my finger and it doesn’t bother me. Hard to explain, but glasses seem a better idea. Not contacts.

  27. 27.

    chopper

    May 1, 2014 at 1:23 am

    @Citizen_X:

    the nerve! sounds like a ‘hot’ drone strike is in order.

  28. 28.

    Steeplejack

    May 1, 2014 at 1:24 am

    @Tommy:

    Because you spend so much time on the computer, my brother the ophthalmologist would recommend that you get two pairs of glasses, one for general “walking around” everyday life and the other a pair of “reading glasses,” or whatever you want to call them, for close work at your desk—looking at the monitor(s) and the legal pad. It sounds like right now you are splitting the difference and not being happy anywhere.

  29. 29.

    Omnes Omnibus

    May 1, 2014 at 1:25 am

    @Comrade Mary: My fraternity used to go through campus chanting “Hey, hey, it’s the first of May. Outdoor fucking starts today.”

  30. 30.

    Steeplejack

    May 1, 2014 at 1:26 am

    @Omnes Omnibus:

    The no-line bifocals (I can’t think of the technical term) are fine. No one looking at you can tell they’re bifocals. But your approach will work too. You’ll just be carrying around another pair of glasses.

  31. 31.

    Ruckus

    May 1, 2014 at 1:26 am

    @Mnemosyne:
    Got laser surgery just before Lasik hit the scene big time so they used a slightly older procedure. This was 18-19 yrs ago and it ranks as the best thing I’ve ever done for myself. Far vision is still the same although my near vision is getting a little worse.
    Lasik is, from people I know who have had the procedure better than what I had done, much faster recovery being the number one issue. They had to do each eye separately in my case but Lasik heals so fast they can do them both at the same time.
    It is nice that I can see the clock in the middle of the night (among other things) because prior to the surgery without turning on the light I couldn’t find glasses so that I could.

  32. 32.

    RobertB

    May 1, 2014 at 1:27 am

    Pepperroni rolls are much more of a northern WV thing than a statewide WV thing. You might be able to find them in Huntington now, but I know they weren’t available back in ’87. That’s okay, though, because back then nobody in Morgantown had ever heard of slaw on a barbecue sandwich or a hot dog.

  33. 33.

    Comrade Mary

    May 1, 2014 at 1:27 am

    @Omnes Omnibus: Wha — what? That’s an old frat thing, not a new Coulton thing?

    I need to get some tea now.

  34. 34.

    Redshift

    May 1, 2014 at 1:29 am

    @Omnes Omnibus: Yeah, what of it? I wear a size 8 hat, too. In practice, that means I hardly ever buy hats.

  35. 35.

    Steeplejack

    May 1, 2014 at 1:31 am

    @Mnemosyne:

    One of the things that I didn’t realize until recently—which is kind of weird, because Bro’ Man is an ophthalmologist—is that when they do cataract surgery on your eye they can put in a replacement lens that is a corrective lens, so you get corrected vision with no glasses! So you can do that when you get old. (Assuming you get cataracts. Silver lining.)

  36. 36.

    Omnes Omnibus

    May 1, 2014 at 1:35 am

    @Comrade Mary: Yeah, it extends back at least into the 70s.

    @Steeplejack: I currently wear my glasses about 10-20% of the time. It isn’t about the concept of bifocals for me. I would use the two types of classes for different things. I also have sunglasses that I wear whenever her is any light. I have light colored eyes and the sun hurts.

  37. 37.

    Ruckus

    May 1, 2014 at 1:35 am

    @Steeplejack:
    Used to carry far vision glasses, near vision glasses and proscription sunglasses. Now I can wear regular sunglasses and have many pairs of reading glasses so at least one is always handy. Of course I forget to take them with me to restaurants so menus are a bit tough.
    I wore glasses, hard contacts, then soft contacts, then disposables for over 35 yrs. Laser eye surgery is one of mankind’s greatest inventions.

  38. 38.

    Omnes Omnibus

    May 1, 2014 at 1:38 am

    @Redshift: In the army, an 8 means no hair is taken into account. I wore a 7 5/8 in the army because of the hair thing. An 8 would probably fit me now. Most people are around a 7 1/4. If you are an 8 , you have a big head; deal.

  39. 39.

    Steeplejack

    May 1, 2014 at 1:40 am

    @Omnes Omnibus, @Comrade Mary:

    All your warm months covered here. This is a fossil that I haven’t thought about, much less listened to, in ages. Paul Simon had some great guitar work on the early albums before he got all production values.

  40. 40.

    Helen

    May 1, 2014 at 1:41 am

    I just found Tim Minchin via The Bloggess. Dunno why I missed him for all of these years. But you all should watch his commencement address at UWA or just watch him sing “Not Perfect”

  41. 41.

    Steeplejack

    May 1, 2014 at 1:52 am

    @Ruckus:

    Of course I forget to take them with me to restaurants so menus are a bit tough.

    I wear progressive bifocals now, which work well for me. The big thing I have noticed about my older eyes is that I often have trouble reading restaurant menus in the typically low-light (dinner) conditions.

  42. 42.

    Suzanne

    May 1, 2014 at 1:57 am

    @Omnes Omnibus: I have been farsighted all my life, and I started wearing bifocals when I was four. I get the line-less ones and I get spendy trendy frames. I get compliments on my glasses all the time. The ones I have now are made from aircraft aluminum.

    I both look like a hipster douche AND I can see. Bonus.

  43. 43.

    Gretchen

    May 1, 2014 at 1:59 am

    What are pepperoni rolls? And Old Bay on popcorn sounds good. Must try. I wish you’d do some more “what I made for dinner” updates. And good for Holly!

  44. 44.

    Omnes Omnibus

    May 1, 2014 at 2:01 am

    @Suzanne: As I have mentioned above, I am a part-time glasses wearer. I think it will be easier for me to put on a pair of appropriate glasses when I need them than trying to get used to some combo thing.

  45. 45.

    Gretchen

    May 1, 2014 at 2:05 am

    @Tommy: No-line bifocals would probably work for you. I’ve been nearsighted all my life. My vision suddenly got so bad I could barely see. Turned out I needed cataract surgery in both eyes, and put it off as long as I could because I’m terrified of getting my eyes messed with. But now, it’s amazing. I can see distance, and even drive, with no glasses at all! I have some cheap reading glasses, but decided to go back to no-line bifocals for work, even though the top part isn’t corrective, just so I don’t have to put the reading glasses on and off.

  46. 46.

    Gretchen

    May 1, 2014 at 2:08 am

    @Mnemosyne: When you get old you’ll probably have cataract surgery. They put a corrective lens right in your eyes. And doesn’t Lasik surgery wear off or have to be redone after a few years?

  47. 47.

    Charles Doggart

    May 1, 2014 at 2:23 am

    Old Bay is good on popcorn for sure, but have you tried brewer’s yeast?

  48. 48.

    Helen

    May 1, 2014 at 2:23 am

    @Helen: Go here:

    http://www.timminchin.com/2013/09/25/occasional-address/

    Yeah he is way smart. May make you uncomfortable or sad but he is right on target.

  49. 49.

    Ruckus

    May 1, 2014 at 2:25 am

    @Gretchen:
    As I said above it has not for me.
    Nearsightedness gets worse because it is caused by muscles no longer having enough elasticity and not being able to pull your lens into focus and why it generally gets worse over time.
    Losing farsightedness comes from your lens not being correctly shaped which is why is usually happens as we grow rapidly as kids. What the laser does is reshape the lens. It can change but for the majority it changes so little that effectively there is no change.
    That’s a real simplistic explanation but covers the basic idea.

  50. 50.

    Ruckus

    May 1, 2014 at 2:26 am

    @Helen:
    Makes me laugh my ass off.

  51. 51.

    Helen

    May 1, 2014 at 2:29 am

    @Ruckus: He tells us there is no meaning. And he is absolutely right.

  52. 52.

    NotMax

    May 1, 2014 at 2:31 am

    Noted, from a retired Justice who was nominated by Republican Gerald Ford:

    Unlimited campaign expenditures “impair” the democratic process, retired Supreme Court Justice John Paul Stevens told senators Wednesday, urging Congress to amend the Constitution to allow “reasonable limits” on election spending.
     
    The Republican-appointed justice, who last testified before the Senate in his 1975 confirmation hearing, stressed the importance of creating a “level playing field” in elections. Stevens offered five points for enacting an amendment to correct what he views as an “error” in campaign finance jurisprudence originating from the Supreme Court’s decision to overturn limits on campaign spending in its 1976 Buckley vs. Valeo ruling.
     
    “While money is used to finance speech, money is not speech,” Stevens said. “After all, campaign funds were used to finance the Watergate burglaries — actions that clearly were not protected by the First Amendment.”
    [snip]
    But attendance at the hearing was sparse, with only about one-third of the committee’s senators present. Trevor Potter, a former FEC chairman and counsel to Sen. John McCain’s presidential bid, said Congress will act when it feels pressure from constituents. Source

    (aAd those of us around at the time read article after article explaining or bemoaning how conservative a choice Stevens was. Goes to show how much the center has shifted.)

  53. 53.

    Steeplejack

    May 1, 2014 at 2:37 am

    Just happened on the middle of Eyes Wide Shut on Sundance while channel-surfing before going to bed. What a bullshit movie. Somebody should have done an intervention on Kubrick.

  54. 54.

    scav

    May 1, 2014 at 2:38 am

    Good to hear about Holly. Sorely needed something of the sort.

  55. 55.

    Helen

    May 1, 2014 at 2:42 am

    @Steeplejack: Eyes Wide Shut is the worst movie ever. I did not get it. At all.

  56. 56.

    John Cole

    May 1, 2014 at 2:46 am

    @Charles Doggart:

    Old Bay is good on popcorn for sure, but have you tried brewer’s yeast?

    Nope, but I have brewer’s droop down pat.

  57. 57.

    Ruckus

    May 1, 2014 at 2:48 am

    @Helen:
    Yes he is.
    Well mostly. There is meaning but it is a group thing. Even presidents or kings die. And at some point everyone who was alive while they were good or bad leaders die. And all we are left with is how far they helped move us forward as a species. Of course some of them move us backwards at a furious pace. Assholes. That is the meaning, moving forward. That is what we are supposed to do, learn empathy, learn that state sanctioned murder still is, that rocket science is not terribly difficult an idea but making it work, now that is. Learn that health care, making our bodies work better while they last is a basic human right. Learn that laughter is not only good but essential. Learn that respect for all gets you the respect you need. In other words moving forward. Some have big parts in this, some such a slim piece that we don’t notice it. But it is there all the same.

  58. 58.

    hg

    May 1, 2014 at 3:07 am

    Ummm, who is Shawn?
    (Been away for a while…)

  59. 59.

    Helen

    May 1, 2014 at 3:09 am

    @Ruckus: Yes. But. I am trying to move forward. And trying to understand that as TM says “You are lucky. You are lucky that you were born. Well done you for dragging yourself up by your shoelaces. But you did not create the bit of you that dragged you up by your shoelaces. They were not even your shoelaces.” And “I think it is absurd seeking meaning in a set of circumstances that happens after 13.8 billion years of unguided events. Leave it to humans to think that the universe has a purpose for them.”

    Bizarrely that makes me feel calm and comfortable.

    It makes me stop asking “Why?”

  60. 60.

    Steeplejack

    May 1, 2014 at 3:12 am

    @hg:

    Old comrade from Cole’s Army days who came to visit and ended up moving in.

  61. 61.

    hg

    May 1, 2014 at 3:16 am

    @Steeplejack:
    Ok thx. (Initially thought he was another new pet :)

  62. 62.

    Anne Laurie

    May 1, 2014 at 4:17 am

    @Tommy:

    Close up, well on a computer were I spend like 12-15 hours a day I can’t get used to them. I’ve had to pull the monitors like within a foot or so of myself. If I turn to a legal pad of paper, where I still do a lot of stuff, I can’t adjust my eyes. And clearly I can’t walk around with them.

    Tell your optometrist that you want your bifocals for “computer distance“. Tiny changes make a big difference to your eyes’ comfort, and under the old standards the lens-makers would adjust the dominant curve for either ‘walking distance’ or ‘reading [paper] distance’ , neither of which is optimal for web-browsing. If you spend more than half your day reading a screen, you want your lens cut so that you automatically look through a section adjusted to give you 20/20 at the distance between your eyes & the screen.

    Once you’ve got the right lens, you may find yourself reading paper over the top of your glasses — and you may decide you want a second pair of glasses for driving, calibrated for distance viewing.

    Welcome to the external-aids world :) I’m so myopic/astigmatic that getting my first pair of glasses at age 8 was a major lifestyle improvement — and getting my first bifocals in my mid-30s, then my first tri-focals in my last 40s, almost as mood-lifting.

    Other suggestion, if you possibly can, get the Transitions lens coating. The older you get, the longer it takes your pupils to adapt to changes in light — even walking out of a normally-lit office lobby into a sunny day will make you squint. Let the lens do the work, and save the frustration.

  63. 63.

    Anne Laurie

    May 1, 2014 at 4:26 am

    @Mnemosyne: Time you’re frail enough for a nursing home, you’ll probably already have been through at least one round of cataract surgery. And with so many front-end Boomers to experiment on, I personally am counting on major surgical advances over the next couple decades. Since you probably need to put on your glasses before you can hear properly (yay, psychology), my bias would be to wait on the Lasik, unless my doctor could persuasively argue a major lifestyle benefit.

  64. 64.

    Anne Laurie

    May 1, 2014 at 4:33 am

    @Steeplejack:

    This is a fossil that I haven’t thought about, much less listened to, in ages.

    You know that song is based on a folk rhyme about hurricane planning, right?

    Although with anthropogenic climate change, “July, stand by/August, come she must/September, remember/October, all over” isn’t reliable any more…

  65. 65.

    Jewish Steel

    May 1, 2014 at 4:41 am

    Is there feeling so fine as getting off your feet having been on them for better than 12 hours? I ask you.

  66. 66.

    Waspuppet

    May 1, 2014 at 5:10 am

    @Mnemosyne: yup. I’ve been wearing glasses since I was 7. I pretend to have patience for my wife’s angst over needing them, but I don’t really.

    The funny part is, she’s been wearing reading glasses for about 2 years, and maybe 3 months ago, I had to introduce my wife, who has a Ph.D and whose work is internationally renowned, to the concept of washing your glasses. I guess if you’ve never had em you don’t have to think about it.

    I have now succeeded in giving you the impression that my wife is childishly vain and kind of a moron too. She really isn’t.

  67. 67.

    Josie

    May 1, 2014 at 7:20 am

    @Steeplejack: It’s true. I did it few years ago and was able to see without glasses for the first time since I was three years old. There aren’t many benefits of getting old (other than avoiding the alternative), but this is definitely one of the good ones. Funny – several years later, I still reach up to adjust the glasses that are no longer there.

  68. 68.

    RobertB

    May 1, 2014 at 8:08 am

    @Gretchen: The simplest pepperoni rolls recipe is bread dough wrapped around stick pepperoni cut into quarters/sixths/eighths, depending on how much pepperoni you want, and baked, From there you can add cheese, jalapenos, etc. Sliced pepperoni works as well.

  69. 69.

    Steeplejack

    May 1, 2014 at 8:49 am

    @Anne Laurie:

    You know that song is based on a folk rhyme about hurricane planning, right?

    Are you sure about that? I can’t think of a society that would (a) be exposed to hurricanes and (b) use such traditional English language, not inflected with some Caribbean patois.

    I thought it was based on an old nursery rhyme, and Wikipedia says it “bears structural resemblance to a traditional English rhyme, ‘Cuckoo, cuckoo, what do you do?,’ a phenology of the common cuckoo from April through September.”

    Not arguing, just interested in your source.

  70. 70.

    Steeplejack

    May 1, 2014 at 8:56 am

    @Josie:

    Bro’ Man the ophthalmologist has some great stories about simple procedures. He had a patient a week or so ago who was dreading his cataract surgery. Blind in one eye because of a childhood accident, increasingly bad vision in the other eye and completely freaked out about having that one (semi-)good eye screwed with. The surgery went fine, a corrective lens was put in, and now the guy has close to 20/20 vision in his good eye—and no glasses! Bro’ Man said the guy was literally shaking with joy at the next-day follow-up appointment.

  71. 71.

    Jack the Second

    May 1, 2014 at 8:58 am

    When you declared you were going to adopt, I assumed it’d be someone younger.

  72. 72.

    big ole hound

    May 1, 2014 at 9:01 am

    A side benefit of cataract surgery is the correction to 20/20 vision. I have had both eyes done and glasses are a thing of the past.

  73. 73.

    Paul in KY

    May 1, 2014 at 9:15 am

    @Mnemosyne: I’ve had glasses since I was 8. Near sighted.

  74. 74.

    Paul in KY

    May 1, 2014 at 9:19 am

    @Jewish Steel: No sir. Best feeling in the world.

  75. 75.

    Ruckus

    May 1, 2014 at 9:35 am

    @Helen:
    We seem to be in agreement!
    A lot of TM’s work puts what I posted in a different light and explains it in a way that is both funny and hits the truth right on the nose.
    My only, and it is minor issue, is him saying there is no meaning because he then goes on to explain why and what meaning there is. I think he is trying to get rid of the notion that there is some higher power to look up to, to follow, instead of taking responsibility for our lives ourselves and each other.

  76. 76.

    libarbarian

    May 1, 2014 at 10:20 am

    Lacrosse Defenders kick ass. Another point for JC!

  77. 77.

    Pogonip

    May 1, 2014 at 10:38 am

    @hg: He is.

  78. 78.

    Susanne

    May 1, 2014 at 11:20 am

    Glad to hear Rosie and Lily, the floozies, are back in your lap instead of Shawn’s. I knew they’d come back.

  79. 79.

    gogol's wife

    May 1, 2014 at 11:22 am

    @Omnes Omnibus:

    That’s such an LU thing.

  80. 80.

    Mnemosyne

    May 1, 2014 at 11:52 am

    @Gretchen:

    My eye doctor explained it the way Ruckus did — it permanently corrects your far vision but you could still end up needing reading glasses for close-up stuff because that’s due to a different issue (weakened eye muscles rather than eye shape).

    I probably won’t need cataract surgery for another 40 years, so the calculation becomes, do I really want to have to spend $300-$500 per year on glasses for the next 40 years, or just bite the bullet and spend the $2000 on Lasik?

  81. 81.

    Gretchen

    May 1, 2014 at 12:07 pm

    @Mnemosyne: put that way, Lasik sounds like a good plan. I’m so phobic about having anything near my eyes that I wouldn’t have had anything done voluntarily – I was actually asking if it would be so bad to be blind if I could avoid the cataract surgery, and they needed to put me out to accomplish it – but now that it’s done, I have to admit it’s really wonderful to be able to see without glasses.

  82. 82.

    Gretchen

    May 1, 2014 at 12:17 pm

    @Steeplejack: I can see why the fellow with one good eye would be freaked about about having that one messed with. I was that way, and I had two healthy eyes with cataracts, and kept thinking what if they screwed it up and I only had one good eye? My doctor assured me that I’d be sedated and comfortable, that she’d only had to put one person out in the past year or more. I made it two.

  83. 83.

    Mnemosyne

    May 1, 2014 at 12:54 pm

    @Gretchen:

    My eyes have been so poked and prodded at for so long that it doesn’t freak me out that much to think of the surgery itself. It’s more that I’ve been wearing glasses so long that, if I give them up entirely, I have to start wearing makeup! And doing something with my hair! It would be a big appearance change.

  84. 84.

    DanR2

    May 1, 2014 at 12:56 pm

    It’s tough to go through life with a giant head and no hats. A couple years ago after working outside all day, I looked at my huge sunburned noggin in the mirror, backing up a bit so the whole thing fit, and said, “surely there are other freakishly big headed people out there who need a ball cap.” A few google clicks later I was placing an order for a couple of hats from a place in Tennessee called bigheadcaps.com. You little peanut headed people wouldn’t understand the joy I felt a few days later when the UPS truck pulled up…

  85. 85.

    John Weiss

    May 1, 2014 at 1:17 pm

    @Mnemosyne: I don’t think that lasik surgery has much to do with cataracts. Lens replacement surgery is the way to go for that condition.

    I was suffering from rapid onset cataracts. Had the surgery; took about ten minutes per eye, two different visits. Easy, done with local anesthesia.

    In retrospect I would’ve had my eyes returned to their previous prescription rather than ‘corrected’ to 20/20. I’d worn glasses for most of my life ’cause of nearsightedness; I’d rather become used to wearing them along with the eye protection that wearing glasses affords. Though I couldn’t see at a distance I could focus very closely, something that I miss. And in dim light, I have to wear readers in spite of the correction. Now, when working with power tools I have to wear goggles. 20/20 in my experience is over rated.

    Happy May Day everyone!

  86. 86.

    Mnemosyne

    May 1, 2014 at 1:20 pm

    @John Weiss:

    Yeah, I would probably lean towards correcting them so I don’t need glasses that are as strong as I currently need them, but not quite 20/20 (maybe 20/40?) Right now, I’m verging on 20/200, so a change to less strong (and less freakin’ expensive) lenses would be close to miraculous.

    ETA: It would be nice to be able to spend more on frames than I do on lenses. And that’s with really good insurance, too.

  87. 87.

    ljdramone

    May 1, 2014 at 1:37 pm

    Hat size 7 3/4 here.

    “…instead of salt and pepper, just use Old Bay.”

    I dunno, isn’t Old Bay kind of… Baltimorean?

    (or Balti-moron, as we tend to pronounce it down here in Bodymore Murderland.)

  88. 88.

    blueskies

    May 1, 2014 at 1:48 pm

    @Comrade Mary: Get glasses specifically for computer work if you do a lot of computer work. I was amazed at how much better I was able to focus (pun intended) on the task at hand* once I got mine.

    *Note that I did not write “focus on work.”

  89. 89.

    Paul in KY

    May 1, 2014 at 3:06 pm

    @DanR2: Big headed people, with little bodies, seem to abound on TV. Maybe you could audition for something.

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